Annie's Demons
by NightOwlHoot
Summary: Annie returns to DC and tries to build a normal life. Specter of Kravec has always loomed in background, this whole story is built around him as the antagonist and he's not done. None of these characters are mine, all belong to CA Writers/USA Network.
1. Chapter 1: Ivan Kravec

Ivan Kravec, the CIA's lead from the Postman's laptop was traded after he provided what the DPD deemed was useful intel at the time. Turns out it was a major botch up as Kravec proved untrustworthy, but he was gone and untouchable. Langley didn't realize the ramifications of not fully vetting Kravec's intel before trading him, thus giving him freedom to continue to do what he pleased as money launderer who helped dozens of terrorists, drug lords, and dirty politicians.

Kravec is a sociopath. He appears calm and stable, but there is a dark sinister side to him. His façade is a man of mystery and charm, but he will not forget being crossed. He enjoys toying with people and their emotions, making people feel uneasy gave him tremendous pleasure. He was a skilled torturer at the FSB. He is good at talking a game, keeping secrets and deception. He has no empathy when he hurts his victims.

While he was in CIA custody he began plotting his revenge on Martine Miller in between the pressure tactics the Americans were exacting on him. It didn't have to be tomorrow or even next week or next month, but he was going to exact pain and suffering on the woman responsible for getting him caged again. It had been years since he was locked up and at his age, it really didn't suit him. Back in Paris when he was getting ready to ship the woman who called herself Martine Miller off to a Russian prison for questioning, he was sorry he wasn't going to be the one to break her, but knowing she was going to be locked up in a Russian prison gave him extreme pleasure. If only his former girlfriend and FSB counterintelligence operative Yana wasn't in such a hurry, he would have had some fun with Martine himself. The bitch deserved what she was going to get for thinking she could drug him and use him. Did she take him for a fool to be so enamored by her that he didn't notice that she had drugged him and set up the rouse that they had had sex? He knew she was foreign intelligence the morning he woke up in a haze. He just wasn't sure which agency sent her.

The nerve of her to return to squeeze out more information was something to be admired, she had audacity and arrogance. He had been attracted to her, in another life, if she weren't a CIA operative working against him, he might even have enjoyed her company long-term. It was uncommonly difficult to admit she worked him. Between being fascinated by her beguiling ways, he wished he killed her when he had the chance, but soon the time would come for her to suffer. He was going to find out who she really was and plan her punishment. Yana had taken a photo of Martine and ran it through the FBS database to reveal her true identity. She was none other than Annie Walker, CIA. She took down Lena Smith in his homeland, was responsible for Hector Serrano's death, and escaped a Moscow prison. Hector was a good friend of Ivan's, they had trained together and were like brothers. Ivan had plans for Annie, plans to make her regret everything she had done.

Annie Walker made him look powerless, a man who could be compromised by a woman. He had never in his esteemed career allowed a woman to best him. He managed to keep under wraps that someone was able to get a hold of sensitive client financial records. Kravec skillfully diverted the attention of the CIA to Mueller or Tabrizi. It was so easy for him to fool the CIA. Mueller was small potatoes, a stupid washed out American working with dumb country bumkins in Azerbaijan, a wanna be jihadist, they had no long term vision. Kravec managed Mueller's money, but had no respect for him and no qualms selling him out.

Kravec's client list included more notable clients than Mueller. There were bigger fish to fry and Kravec protected them by sending the CIA Mueller's way. Those Langley hacks were so stupid and full of themselves, they thought they would break him with their basic mind games, a little waterboarding and electric shock. It was child's play to him. He was waiting to formulate the right plan and the right opportunity, it was all about timing and he would strike when they least expected it. That's what Martine Miller or Annie Walker did to him and that is what he planed to do to her.


	2. Chapter 2: Annie's Return

**Annie's Return**

After she parted ways with Eyal in Turkey.

"Thank you for everything," says Annie.

"You know me, I'm always up for an adventure with you. We make a great team."

Annie gives Eyal a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I hope this McQuaid knows what he has, until next time Neshema," says Eyal.

"I hope next time is for pleasure Eyal."

It was becoming harder and harder to say good-bye to her good friend, she wasn't ever sure when she would see him again, but both were grateful to have each other in their lives. She went straight to her plane. She spent a good amount of time finishing up her reports before finally crashing only to be awakened by the announcement from the pilot that they were about to land. As Annie deplanes her heart speeds up when she sees McQuaid leaning against his Land Rover waiting for with a bouquet of hydrangeas. He looks a bit thinner and paler, but still handsome. She had spoken to him on the phone and he said he would send a car to pick her up, she wasn't expecting to see him just yet. She looked a mess, bruised, disheveled and dirty. She wanted to get out of Istanbul and hadn't showered. When she reaches him, they laugh as he hands the flowers to her. "I hope you like them. Welcome home Annie."

"It's over," she says with a sigh. "I wish I could have stopped everything though."

"It's not your fault Annie. You did good work. You saved countless lives"

"But I couldn't save Arthur."

"That wasn't on you Walker."

"How's Joan?"

"She's always been a rock, she's putting up a good face for her son, she's going to be up for Calder's old job, one thing Arthur did was bury Joan's involvement. He took all the heat for everything the CIA did in the Balkans and no one is asking questions, it's convenient for the powers that be."

McQuaid eases off the car and towards Annie. "Let's not talk about it for just a minute." He puts his curled fingers on her cheek then leans into her and he pulls her close. They kiss for a long time.

"You disobeyed orders to call in twice a day."

"This isn't the Navy McQuaid, I kept Arthur in the loop. You needed to recuperate, you're looking well, about 15 pounds lighter?"

"Yeah, I'm getting it back as I get back into my routine."

"Maybe just get five of it back."

"Ouch, Annie Walker, didn't know you were so superficial."

"I'm just used to men who can keep up with me."

"You know that makes me feel hopeful. I would love the opportunity to keep up with you. Shall we go have a toast to new beginnings?" Annie smiles, but there's sadness in her eyes, "Seems wrong to celebrate under the circumstances."

"I know how you feel, he was my mentor back at Annapolis and I owe him a lot for keeping McQuaid Security afloat the last couple of weeks."

"I can't stop thinking about Joan and Mac. Arthur wasn't around for his son Teo, Mac was his second chance and now he'll grow up without a father."

They look at each other and smile weak smiles.

"Where shall we drive to?" Ryan responds, "Your place or mine?" McQuaid asks with a curl of his lips. "I'd like to go home alone," says a tired Annie. She just wants to shower and go to bed. "I think we should maintain our distance for a bit don't you?"

While in McQuaid's car heading towards Annie's apartment, Annie's phone vibrates. It was another call from Mingus. While Annie's support of McQuaid caused what seemed like an irreparable rift in her relationship with Auggie, it was also what brought her closer to McQuaid. Auggie was there for Annie, but on the mission, she was radio silent with the CIA and didn't want to share her intel until the last possible minute, she didn't need Langely to come in and screw things up.

Besides, she and Eyal had things under control. They worked well together and understood each other's thinking. Annie only briefed Auggie at the last minute before they took out Belenko's headquarters and operations. He was probably calling to read her the riot act. Annie didn't want to ignore the call again, she better just get it over with. She answers on speaker.

"Auggie"

"She answers!"

"Well, I was kind of busy taking down some terrorists."

"Joan needs you to come in and brief us on what went down in Turkey. She was pretty pissed that you didn't read us in."

"Time was of the essence, we couldn't wait for Langley to decide what to do."

"But you _and _Eyal or Mossad didn't even give us a chance Annie."

"Auggie, I'm too drained to argue with you now." Annie looks over at McQuaid who hears everything.

"I resigned remember?"

"Joan has a plan, to save your ass, she is telling the DNI that you were on an off book assignment and your resignation was all part of the operation to investigate McQuaid and the Chicago bombing."

"What!?" so now Joan is covering for me? Doesn't she have a lot of her plate already with Arthur's funeral?"

"She cares about you and I think work is helping her cope."

"I'll be in tomorrow, I desperately need a shower and a comfy bed."

"My bed is comfy." Annie looks embarrassed and blushes, "What about Hailey and Natasha? I think they'd both draw the line at another woman in your bed."

"We haven't talked, really talked in a long time Walker, I can fill you in."

"Not today. I really am tired."

"Are you okay? Did you have an episode in Turkey?"

"No, I'm fine," she lied. She did have an episode in Turkey.

"You're with him aren't you?"

Annie is silent. She doesn't want to lie again, but she doesn't want to give up the truth either.

"Got it, see you at the funeral tomorrow morning?"

"I'll be there," says Annie.

"Annie, you know how the agency treats people who go off reservation without orders to do so, Joan has a plan. You can keep your job at the CIA."


	3. Chapter 3: Clear Record

Ryan looks over at Annie after she hangs up with Auggie. Although his curiosity was definitely peeked, he doesn't mention Auggie's comment about Annie going over to his comfy bed or their beer date. He starts to speak about a game plan for Annie.

"Annie, Auggie is right. You need a plan and you're lucky Joan is willing to go out on a limb to save your career at Langley. From where the agency stands you have a lot of explaining to do. You lied to them about your heart, about my visit to you, and abetting me when I was a wanted man. Taking a job at my company to spy on me is the perfect out for you. You have to go along with Joan's plan. You have to maintain the cover that you resigned from the CIA to investigate me and my company's link to Chicago. It's the only way to save your career at the CIA."

Annie is looking out the window in deep thought. "When did you cook up this plan with Joan?" She looks over at McQuaid to see his guilty face. "I'm not sure I want to stay at the CIA. Though it was a cover, I rather enjoyed my time in the private sector. The CIA will keep me at a desk. That's not the way I want to spend the rest of my life."

"Annie, you will figure out the details later. Just clear your name of any impropriety first, leave honorably, then you can take your career in the direction you want. I don't want to be the reason you lose your job or the reason they wipe away every good thing you have done for this country. You have risked your life too many times to let those bureaucrats take anything away from you."

Annie is still staring out the window at the beautiful DC cityscape. She was not accustomed to anyone else looking out for her except maybe Auggie. Auggie was her past, maybe McQuaid was her future?

"Listen to Auggie and Joan, they know you and they know how the agency operates."

Ryan drops Annie off at her apartment. "We have to get things straightened out before we have that reunion."

He fishes through his glove compartment for a new phone. Annie notes a stash of phones, tracking devices, two guns, a Colt 1911 new agent 45 and a Nano by Beretta. She smiles. "Here, take this, it is untraceable, I'll call you."

"Not the standard tissues and condoms one would find in a man's glove compartment."

"Walker, condoms would break down in a hot car. I'm smarter than that! Besides, I'm a classy guy who doesn't keep condoms in my cars."

She laughs. He loves her laugh. She eyes his guns.

"You need a weapon?"

"You really do know a way to this girl's heart. This would be the second gun you've gifted me."

"A distinction, I'm honored to have."

"I do need one as a matter of fact."

"Take your pick then."

Annie chooses the Nano. "Nice choice." He leans in and they have a long kiss before she heads into her building. He stays in his car idling until she disappears inside.

Annie turned around to see that Ryan was waiting for her to go into the building before driving away. She drops her bag and purse by her door and heads straight to the bathroom to take a long shower before logging on to signal her safe return to Eyal. She also looks up cardiologists before turning in for the night. It's finally time to address her heart openly.

The next day is Arthur's funeral. Not many people are in attendance. Annie sits by Auggie. After the service, Annie goes to Joan and gives her a hug. Joan tells her "Thank you for all you've done for me and Arthur the last couple of years. I know working for the CIA has taken a toll on you, please don't think you were responsible for Arthur's death, that was put in motion years ago."

"If there's anything you need, I'm here for you Joan. I'm sorry for the tension between us since you found out about my heart."

"I'll see you back at the DPD to discuss your future in my division. Thank you for coming. Not many were brave enough to show."

Annie was happy to have a familiar face greet her upon her return the day before, but today was a sad day. She just left Arthur Campbell's funeral. Auggie was there, he was driven by Barber. After she talked with Joan, Annie went up to Auggie. They had spoken on the phone after she arrived, but their relationship was far from where it once was.

"Hi Auggie, Eric."

"Hi Annie, you're here, I mean you're back, of course you'd be here, Arthur was important to you, he was your boss at the CIA and at McQuaid Security, why wouldn't you be here. Okay, I'll shut up now, Auggie, I'll be by the car, nice to see you Annie and thanks as usual for taking down the bad guys." says a rambling Barber.

"Good to see you." The joke never got old and Auggie chuckled as did Annie. In the past, they would have hugged or even shared a peck on the cheek under these circumstances. But today, at Arthur's funeral, there was just awkwardness. "Listen Auggie, I never apologized, I'm sorry I kept you out of the loop while I was in Turkey. Things between us, well, I knew you were upset with me and I needed to work without agency interference. I hope you know that I don't mean to deliberately hurt you."

"Annie, everything you've ever done since joining the CIA has been for the good of this country and those you love. While I don't always agree with your decisions, I always understand the reasons behind them. I just wish you would talk to me, talk to me like you used to."

"Too much has happened to me and between us, I'm sorry for everything," says Annie as she gets closer to Auggie and gives him a peck on the cheek. "We'll talk more later when I get to the office okay?"

As Annie turns away, she sees McQuaid, he had been watching her and Auggie. She gives him weak smile and walks to her car. As she walked, she realized how much she had she missed Washington D.C. and Virginia. She identified what she was feeling when she landed and saw McQuaid. . . it was the comfort of knowing that she arrived home. This place, the people here, the memories, made it her home. Washington D.C was the place she lived the longest and spent the most time in her life. It didn't feel the same as when she last returned full of secrets to hide. True, she still had a heart condition that didn't seem to be improving, but she felt an ease she had not felt in ages when she touched down. She remembered her intention to put down roots a couple of years ago. She was finally ready to do that and felt the worst that had happened to her was over.

McQuaid was close to being fully exonerated from the Chicago attacks and failed motorcade bombing. He was back at work though on a lighter than usual schedule by the time Annie returned from her mission. When he saw her step out of the plane, he noticed how tired she looked. Still beautiful, she was wearing a khaki anorak with skinny black jeans and a tank top under, their eyes met and they smiled at each other with eyes locked for what seemed like eternity before she reached him. In that moment, Ryan knew again, as he had known that hour they made love in his safe house, that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with Annie Walker.

After the funeral Annie spends the remainder of the day restocking her fridge and going for a long run. She picks up all her mail from her P.O. Box and goes through the mountain of bills and junk mail. Looks like her lease is up at the end of the month. After an afternoon of completing reports and timelines, she meets Auggie at the DPD.

Annie listens again to the plan Auggie and Joan had come up with. Auggie made some dummy trails to support the story that he and Annie were working on an off the book op to investigate McQuaid after Annie grew suspicious of him. She had to act as if she were lying to her handler and superiors by disregarding orders. Annie had to admit that the trio crafted a believable story because most of it was in fact true minus the part that Calder sanctioned the operation. "Wait, where's Calder?"

"Well, we owe this plan to the Sheriff too," says Auggie.

"Calder took a post abroad. He realized the position wasn't what he had aspired to become. The DCI was about to take him overt and Calder realized if he wanted to stay in the shadows, he had to make a move," said Joan.

Annie is not surprised, Calder was unapologetically ambitious, but being in the office didn't suit him. She knew he loved the field and missed it, he was someone who liked the excitement of being in the field just as much as Annie, she saw that when she worked with him to take Henry Wilcox down.

Annie agrees to go along with the story. Her suspension and resignation were all an act to support her off book mission to infiltrate and spy on McQuaid which paid off in the end. The higher ups wanted to put everything to bed, so they were quick to accept the story. Annie was called to a couple of hearings and had to endure a long polygraph, but it was all wrapped up in a matter of a week with Joan's efficiency. She was pouring herself into work to get over Arthur's death. She took over as DCS when Calder vacated his office.

Annie felt guilty that she was all of a sudden, hailed by the CIA as a hero again. She proved her loyalty and the depths of her willingness to sacrifice personal safety and happiness for the sake of her country, yet Arthur was dead. Annie was given another service medal, a cash award, and a couple month's paid leave to start as soon as her debriefs were over.

Though she was granted a clean record free of the suspension after bringing new intel to the CIA, Annie still wasn't sure she wanted to continue working for the DPD because of how she had been treated and because of how the division was yanked around. In the end, her main goal was to stop the terrorists who killed her comrades. She realized how and with whom she accomplished that wasn't important.


	4. Chapter 4: Together

Annie was tired, she had been in debrief after debrief and called into numerous hearings in the aftermath of Chicago, the motorcade and Istanbul. It was finally coming to an end. A condition of her reinstatement at the CIA was that she would finally go into therapy. McQuaid was in just as many meetings and hearings as she was, sometimes they overlapped and were sitting side by side recounting their actions. A lot of it was sheer bullshit and formalities to get to the fine details that the policy makers needed to know in case they had to answer to the American public about use of funds. They kept their relationship professional in public and they denied any romantic involvement during the hearings to avoid any accusations of impropriety.

They initially spent a few working meals together to go over their testimonies with lawyers. He drove her home at least a couple of nights a week. They spent many nights on the phone talking. One night Ryan showed up at her door as she was giving her punching bag a work out. He said he had some questions about her version of events related to the day he met her at the National Arboretum.

"Were you followed?"

"I'm just as good at what I do as you are. NO, I wasn't followed. I parked three blocks away and paid cash for this take out so it just looks like I was out for dinner. And I don't care if anyone knows Annie. Everything is nearly wrapped up and I have some questions for you about work. Are you going to let me in?"

Annie opens the door wider, she's sweaty and out of breath. "I'm in the middle of a work out, but come on in."

Ryan enters and puts down the take out. He looks around and says, "You like to keep your place sparse huh?"

"You want to give me decorating tips or are you brave enough to hold the bag?"

Ryan smiles, he loves the way she talks back to him. He walks over to the bag and holds it. She's quite strong despite her heart condition.

"Ask away," says a curious Annie. "You came to ask me some questions remember?"

"I read your timeline. How did you know the flowers you received were from me? What made you go to the meet again if you knew it was me? And the fact that every agency was hunting for me didn't give you pause? Why? Was it because you had feelings for me?" asks Ryan.

Annie sweaty from her work out looks up at him and stops punching. She tosses him some pads to block her punches. She starts to hit at the pads, left hooks, right hooks, jabs galore. She's good and fast on her feet. They continue working out finally they fall into each other's arms after a rough session practicing hand-to-hand combat. They eat the take out on the floor laughing without any cares. It was the most relaxed either had been in a long time.


	5. Chapter 5: Past Loves

One of their nights together at Annie's apartment, Ryan tells her about his wife, how they met while they were both at the Naval Academy. She went on to law school and supported him as he decided to train for Navy Seals. He passed the rigorous training and was assigned to a Seal Team. He worked many missions taking him away for weeks at a time without any contact with her. Then one day, he was pulled out of a deep cover mission. She had been sick, breast cancer. She was in chemo for weeks before she realized it was time to notify him to say good-bye. The cancer was too aggressive and not caught early enough. She was self-less, always thinking of him and his safety. He later learned that she knew a lump was found the last time he was home, but there wasn't a definitive result yet on the imaging so she kept it from him. She knew what it was to be married to a soldier, she knew a distracted soldier was a dead soldier. She also knew how much his career meant to him. So he went on the mission, blissfully unaware that his wife had a deadly cancer growing inside her.

"Anyway, I tell all my men now to take care of their wives and if anything is amiss at home they always have a ticket out. At the end of the day, this is a job and it's family that matters. I'm not going to live with any regrets."

Annie takes everything he tells her in. "I'm so sorry Ryan."

"It was a long time ago, now your turn Walker, tell me about the loves of your life".

"And what makes you think I had more than one? You only had one, which honestly is surprising."

"What can I say, I was and am a one woman kind of man. Besides, I met Kelly when I was young, we were 18, our first year at the Academy. You're older and wiser and how could someone like you still be unattached. And someone like you must have had more than one man love you."

"Older and wiser McQuaid? Not real smooth to call a girl you are courting older."

"I am just saying you've had many years to wow men and I'm sure you've had more than handful fall in love with you. Let's just start with the last man you loved."

"You really want to do this?"

"So no man you've been with has ever asked this question?"

"Come to think of it, no. You're the first."

"Start talking Walker. Who were the men in your life?"

Annie sighs, not really wanting to talk about Auggie, Simon or Ben. Things were still not quite back to normal between her and Auggie. She would always hold him in high regard as her friend and hoped time would heal the rift between them. McQuaid turns to his side with his hand propping up his head to face Annie.

"The last guy and I were good friends for a long time before we started something. But it turned out the timing didn't sync up for us, our relationship was short-lived. That's about it."

"Really? Walker, you have to give me more than that. Why did it end?"

"Our end was a foregone conclusion. In our line of work, secrets are inevitable, being guarded and suspicious is part of the job that spills into other parts of our lives. He wasn't honest, he hid things from me, important things that affected my mission. I don't blame him now, I understand completely, it's part of the business. When I was new to this life, I thought it was possible to separate my personal life from my professional life, but that's hard when your professional life involves lying, manipulating and being someone different. We both accepted that we had to keep secrets, but there's a tipping point. I wanted our lives outside of our work to be more important, but it was too hard to separate. His last betrayal ended us, I found out in a way I wish hadn't."

"So he's the reason you told me you don't mix business with pleasure. I take it he's in the business, another operative?"

"I've said enough," says Annie.

"Is he why you're . . . so skittish? Why you shot me down from the moment we met, that is until you couldn't resist my charm?"

"All our relationships inform us. I was always good at keeping secrets, being in the CIA just taught me to become better and to use lies and subterfuge to complete my missions. It becomes a part of you and it doesn't lend itself to being in a healthy relationship. You said it yourself when we met, most spies are lying sons of bitches."

"Ah, but you proved me wrong. Well, let me rephrase that, I know you've lied to me, but I forgive those lies because of the reasons behind them."

Annie turns away from McQuaid, she's contemplating all her past relationships and how they were filled with lies and deception, but also had real moments. She's lost in thought.

"Walker, we have a chance. I've been honest with you since I came clean about Flint and Borz, I trusted you when the world was after me, this can be your chance, our chance. What secrets are left?"

"I'm not so sure, there's always the chance that I will have to lie and keep things from those close to me. It's the life of a spy. I've learned to expect the unexpected and getting comfortable is a mistake."

"Well, I'm all in, I understand everything you've had to do, you can tell me what you are allowed to tell me and I'm man enough to handle that. Now if you change your mind, you could really, I mean really, work for me, then we'll have no secrets."

He's given Annie something to think about. It was true, their relationship started out differently, Ryan might not know all there is to know about Annie yet, but that was different from outright lies and hidden actions. Ryan still had one big secret left and he knew he needed to come clean soon.


	6. Chapter 6: Peace and Normalcy

Note: Eyal appears.

Nearly a month into her leave Annie woke up in Ryan's master suite with nothing on but her underwear and a smile. It was comforting to have a carefree night's sleep. There were no terrorists to hunt down, no moles to root out, and no hesitation in her heart about Ryan. Last night he had asked her to move in with him again. It seemed too premature to entertain when he first asked her about a week ago. Annie had never in her adult life considered moving in with anyone. She always liked to have her own place to retreat to when she needed it. He asked her to sleep on it and when she woke up well rested and happy, she had an answer.

Annie couldn't remember the last time she lingered in bed. Since she returned from faking her death, she survived on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Her erratic sleep patterns probably didn't do her heart condition any good. Ryan was still asleep next to her and she was enjoying the warmth of his chest against her back. Part of her couldn't believe that she reached a point of peace and normalcy. It was as normal a life as it can get for two people who work in the intelligence realm. Annie lay there happily replaying her courtship with Ryan as he continued to sleep next to her.

Over the last couple of weeks, Annie gradually let herself enjoy being with Ryan. There were more nights like the first they spent together talking after Joan suspended Annie. They shared stories about the places they traveled, the cast of characters they met, the scrapes they narrowly escaped, their favorite foods, there was an ease to being together, finding out each other's quirks and likes and dislikes. Oddly, the stressful circumstances that brought the two together lead to a fast paced adrenalin filled shared history that forced each to reveal hidden parts of themselves that would take months to discover in a normal courtship. There was no romance or attraction on Annie's part after their initial meeting and unwelcomed partnership in Venezuela. In fact, she fought his advances at all costs since she needed to close her circle not widen it.

McQuaid was someone Annie tapped for information on Borz Altan, if they had only talked on the phone instead of meeting in person, would she be lying next to him now? They worked together albeit with tension on their mission through Venezuela and Columbia before she even began to feel something for him. But she refused to acknowledge it at first. She regarded her curiosity about him with little seriousness.

Meeting Ryan threw a wrench in the machine that had become her heart. She found that the rationalizations and logical arguments inside her head were failing to work. She couldn't convince herself to look away from him. Here was someone she built walls around the minute he showed interest, but he saw her at her frailest and didn't think less of her. They developed a rapport and trust despite approaching missions and situations in the field very differently. On Ryan's part, despite his bravado, he had the humility to admit that he learned a new trick or two from her. He was constantly impressed by Annie's expertise in crafting stories and covers on the fly. The girl had a great imagination.

Annie let her guard down slowly and truly enjoyed Ryan's company. He had proven to be trustworthy, he was the second person she confided in about her heart condition. When faced with evidence that McQuaid was implicated in the Chicago bombing, Annie knew it didn't add up, but Auggie's suspicions and accusations that she was compromised caused her to rethink her gut. She thought she spent enough time with Ryan to have a good read on what made him tick. The CIA had been down this road before where there was mounting evidence planted by Lena Smith against her and they acted rashly and deemed her a rogue operative. Then there was all the evidence pointing towards Arthur as a funder of terrorists in Columbia, again, there was more to the story. Annie had been loyal to the agency she served, but after all the debacles, she was no longer blind to the agency's institutional problems.

Annie continued her trip down memory lane. The CIA was rash and reactionary. They made judgments, often politically motivated. When McQuaid looked her in the eye and asked her to trust her instincts, she was trusting her heart and her mind. Truthfully they couldn't be separated. The evidence was not solid, it didn't make sense, so she let him walk away from her apartment and covered for him. The McQuaid she knew was wired to risk his life for his country. He had done it countless times and he had saved her at least three times. If she was a threat to his game plan, he could have gotten rid of her earlier. If he had been involved in Chicago why was the bunker still around? McQuaid wasn't that careless, he wouldn't make a mistake like that if he were behind the bombings. Annie knew he was meticulous and thorough in all avenues of his life.

Annie's thoughts went to a lull while in Istanbul with Eyal, the topic of conversation steered towards McQuaid. He asked a loaded question as he is skilled at doing. "So, you refused my advice to quit the CIA because of your heart, but you quit for Ryan McQuaid? Neshema, you hurt my feelings. Annie, when I thought I knew you. . . you surprised me."

Annie looks over at Eyal with a smile and a raised eyebrow. "I'm glad I can still astonish you after all these years working together. I didn't quit for Ryan, I quit so I could do my job."

"So it is still always about the job for you? I told you that was the saddest thing I had ever heard and I stand by it."

"I followed a hunch and turns out I was right, there _was_ something amiss at McQuaid. We managed to stop a terror attack and assassination attempt on American soil. So I'd say, my hunch was right."

"Oh, "we" managed, I suppose McQuaid was your partner."

"He was busy getting nearly killed to get to the bottom of it, but yeah, we worked together, why are you jealous?"

"Okay, no need to get so touchy and one can only be jealous of a rival, he couldn't possibly rival me for your affections now could he? Besides, I would only have cause to be jealous if you were mine and you're your own woman Annie Walker, that much I've learned," responded Eyal with a wink and a smile.

Eyal always knew how to use flirtation to lighten the mood.

Eyal interrupted her thoughts by asking point blank, "Is this like Simon? Because, you know the only time I've seen you this forlorn was when you were entangled with that Simon character. You care deeply for this man, I can sense it."

Annie starts to squirm in her seat, "What do you think is going on in there, I wish we had ears inside."

"Annie, it's okay to find happiness, treat each meal as if it's your last applies to relationships too. If you love him, show him everyday and accept his affections too. And that's all your sage friend has to say on the subject. Let's move in for a closer look, shall we?"

Annie smiles, "Now that's what I'm talking about." They check their weapons, Annie texts Arthur so he knows where she is, he is effectively her handler for this mission. Then Annie, puts her hand on Eyal's arm and says, "Thank you, thank you for being here with me." He gives her a pat on her hand and says, "Always, anything for you Neshema."

Annie returns to the present as Ryan shifts in his sleep. He pulls her closer, he's awake now. "Mmm, glad you're still here," says McQuaid as he nuzzles into the top of head and kisses her head softly, breathing in the scent of her hair. "Some days I wake up and you're not here. I can get used to waking up next to you everyday." He's hinting without asking directly. He wants to ask if she will share his home, but he knows enough to let her be. Annie turns to face him. They smile at each other. "I've been up for the last thirty minutes, but didn't feel like getting up to work out." Ryan's brows furrow, he knows how much Annie likes to get moving bright and early, he came to be impressed by her discipline though she had never served in the military. "Are you feeling okay? The Annie I know is up before the rest of the world to swim 50 laps or run a 10K or work the hell out of a punching bag."

"Relax, I'm fine, just wanted to stay here and didn't want to wake you up. I can get up now if you want me to."

"Don't even think about it. You're where you need to be right now."

He kisses her more intensely with each passing second. She straddles him and lets the sheets covering her fall to her waist. He looks up into her eyes as she leans down to kiss the spot where his scars are still pink. She moves farther down, then he stops her and does the same, kissing her scars. It was symbolic and tender, each wanting to heal the other's wounds. They continue their intimate moment until they are both satisfied. Afterwards as they lie in each other's arms, Annie says, "I can get used to waking up next to you everyday too."

"Does this mean. . ."

"Ryan, I need more time."

"Why postpone the inevitable?"

"You're funny," responds Annie with a smile. Ryan kisses her head, she loves it when he does that.

"Later this week? That's not soon enough Walker. I'll come help you after work today. I would have thought a glamorous and mysterious covert operative like yourself would have a closet full of shoes, purses and outfits to go with your covers."

"Ha, ha. I did have quite a wardrobe courtesy of my CIA NOC, but until recently, I've been dead and you can't take it to the grave. Living simply has had advantages. Auggie told me my sister couldn't bear to pack up my cottage. It worked out well, he told her he'd take care of it, so he packed up my old place and put all my things in storage. I haven't even had a chance to go there since I returned. And I haven't made a decision yet so helping me move is premature."

Ryan didn't know about this storage unit. It was the first he heard about it. "I'll meet you there then."

"I'm not ready to go through the remnants of my old life. I need to work up the courage to contact my sister. My family still thinks I'm in the ground. A fresh start is what I need, but. . . "

Ryan feels that there are many more layers to Annie Walker to peel.

"You're the definition of courage Annie. I am happy to be part of your fresh start. Say the word and I'll fly you out to San Francisco to see Danielle."

Annie is surprised that he knows where her sister resides, but then she's not. He had done some recon on her before they met and had continued to surprise her by reading about her heart condition. She wonders what else he knows about her.

"I have an appointment with a heart specialist later this week and I have to get some things in order before I attempt an approach. My sister is formidable."

She sounds a bit ominous, "Some things in order?" Annie doesn't want to see Danielle without knowing her long-term prognosis. Truthfully, she didn't want to move forward with Ryan without knowing her prognosis either. He had lost his wife to a terminal illness and it had caused him years of misery, she didn't want him to feel any obligation for her care and she knew he would.

"Don't you have a job to go to Mr. CEO?"

"Hey, when's your appointment? I'll go with you."

"I'm off to make that coffee."

Ryan notes her deflection, she used that tactic often, but he also looks at the time. He has to go to work so there's no time to quibble with her, it is much later than his usual start time. He lets her last comment go and gets up to read and respond to his emails before he heads to the shower. He calls from the shower that he'll pick her up from her apartment after work.

As Ryan showers he thinks happily to the day she returned. She was a bit banged up, but targets eliminated, McQuaid was on the tarmac with hydrangeas when her flight landed. She looked tired, but always radiant to him, hair blowing in the light breeze and that sweet smile he loved to see. He wasn't sure how she would receive him, he hadn't heard from her while she was away, only reports through Arthur before he was killed. He would have flown to Istanbul himself to pick her up had his doctors not stopped him. Annie did have a history of not returning when expected, he wanted to make sure she returned to him. Ryan learned, Annie teamed up with a man who had helped her figure out her medical condition. This man was someone she went to when at her worst and when she needed someone trustworthy to watch her back. Ryan was curious about Eyal Levin and hoped to meet him one day.

As he finished showering, he resolved to be that person for Annie, he desperately wanted her to trust him like she trusted Auggie and Eyal, but he still had one thing left he needed to come clean about. He just needed to find the right time to tell her. Maybe he should have last night. He knew he had to tell her the truth at some point, he couldn't risk losing her right now. There was someone else watching Annie and he needed to make sure she was safe first. He brought a ring for her, it was sitting in his safe. He planned to propose soon. He knew she was the one for him, but he had to wait for her to catch up.

Annie was up and out for a run by the time he was dressed and off to work. She left a note, "have a great day" with a smiley face. He loved her notes. He had a tail on her, poor guy had to keep up with Annie all day.


	7. Chapter 7: 3 Little Words, I Love You

Annie was about a month into her leave. She would be returning to work in another month. Mostly she and Ryan spent nights in, eating simple dinners and sharing favorite movies with each other. It wasn't all about the sex, they would often just fall asleep on the couch, both still recovering from physical and emotion wounds they collected the last few months. They would also work out together, sparring, spotting each other. Annie loved being competitive with Ryan. She was much better at footwork due to her lighter frame and she loved rubbing it in.

Now that her medical condition was no longer a secret, Annie found a local doctor to see. She had Avram transfer all her records to Dr. Wendy Lee. It took a little time to get in, but her appointment coming up later in the week. She hadn't had an episode since her mission in Turkey. Eyal was there to see her through it. He had urged her to consider surgery after her return and she took his advice.

Annie met McQuaid at a bar. She had spent the day house hunting. A bunch of the guys from McQuaid had come back from a successful mission and they were all out to celebrate. It was a joint mission with the CIA's DPD, and Auggie was there too. It was a fun time, all the trash talk and drinking games reminded Annie of her early days at the CIA and nights at Allen's Tavern with Jai and Auggie. Annie shared a quiet moment with Auggie. They hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks. They were at a couple of debriefs and hearing together, but didn't have much opportunity to chat.

"So, how was working with the guys at McQuaid?"

"Not so bad, bunch of cowboys, reminded me a lot of the guys I worked with while in the Special Forces. A lot of McQuaid's guys were once Army guys, some Special Forces. Guess once you get to know people, they're not so bad."

"Is this you coming around to PMCs?"

"It's all about the common mission Walker."

"Auggie, we haven't had a chance to talk other than work. I mean really talk about everything that happened between us. I want to make sure we're okay."

"Annie, it's all water under the bridge."

"Really?"

"Really. Just like when we came back and told me you wanted things to go back to the way they were when we were operative and handler. I want that for us now. I get what you were getting at the day you returned."

"What do you think I was I getting at?"

"Just that it's hard to do our jobs when we have emotional attachments. For you, the last couple of months have been about completing missions, doing your job. It was all you thought you had left. You didn't think you had me, that I had you, had your back. You wanted to focus on your job and I didn't get that, but I get it now."

"Ok, well, my job won't be needing a handler anymore unless I get cleared to work in the field. So looks like we won't be having much to do with each other at work until that happens."

"Until that happens? You're looking to get cleared for the field?"

"I don't know. I feel lost when I'm not in the field, but the field has cost me a lot. I still have some things to work out. I have been looking at options for surgery. Having a biopsy done soon and with that last piece of information the surgeon can make an assessment."

Auggie liked that she was confiding in him though he knew he was being cold towards her. He was still angry that she didn't trust him and put him in a corner when she returned. Too much had happened between them for her to always choose the job and the mission over him, but she chose her missions and she chose McQuaid.

"I'll be there for you. When will you know?"

"I have that biopsy appointment later this week. I have some more tests to get done before my doctor. . ."

Before Annie finishes, McQuaid had snuck up behind her. McQuaid noticed Annie with Auggie from across the room. He knew they were close, he wasn't exactly sure how close, but he had a suspicion. He made his way over to them, caught up in his curiosity about their conversation. Ryan wasn't exactly jealous, he was still putting together the puzzle that was Annie Walker. He wanted to know her.

"Auggie! Thank you for the tech support on our little joint venture."

"Glad it all turned out peachy!"

"I want to thank you for helping Annie out and giving her leeway to investigate Caitlyn, I don't think I ever mentioned to you how grateful I was."

Auggie is pissed. Who does he think he is? Of course he will always help Annie, he knew her for way longer than McQuaid and they had history together that McQuaid can't possibly know.

Auggie responds with some irritation. "Annie and I go back a long way, I'll always have her back! If you will excuse me, there's another stout waiting for me. Annie, see you back at Langley in about a month? If you get a date on that thing we were talking about, let me know, I'll be there."

"Bye Auggie," says Annie as she gives him a kiss.

Annie turns to McQuaid, "What was that about?"

"What do you mean? Just wanted to thank the man."

"Looked like a pissing match to me."

Auggie knew Annie for years, he worked closely with her, McQuaid wanted Annie to let him in like she let Auggie in. McQuaid had put two and two together and after that exchange he felt his hunch was right, he knew Auggie was Annie's last love. He wasn't one to feel threatened, but where Annie was concerned he wasn't always rational.

"You're reading too much into it."

"I think I'm going to head back to my place tonight, it's getting late, I'm not sure all the fried bar food is agreeing with me." says a tired looking Annie.

"You look far too beautiful to head home alone Ms. Walker, spend the night?" asks Ryan as he puts his curled fingers to her cheek.

Ryan wishes this dance they did would come to an end. Where would he spend the night? His place or her place or alone at home? Annie smiles, hesitant. "There's nothing left to the imagination if we spend every night together."

"I'm still waiting for that answer, there's plenty of room at my place for your few belongings Annie and for you to retreat if you need it. Why don't you just move in before you have to head back to work and get sucked into Langley's hours."

Annie looks down then back up into Ryan's eyes. "Stop pushing Ryan. If you must know, I want to get in to see the doctor first and I'm not sure, this pace. . . I need some more time."

Suddenly it dawns on McQuaid. He realizes the root of her hesitation and he's frustrated and it shows as he pulls Annie to a quiet corner and speaks intensely, "Annie, your heart and your prognosis, doesn't matter. When are you going to realize that you don't have to think about others at your own expense. Don't hesitate on my account. I'm a big boy and what matters is that I love you and I want to us to work, I want us to be together."

It was the first time he had told her he loved her. He didn't quite mean to say it at that moment. He knew he loved her for a long time, but he wasn't planning on telling her at a bar full of half drunk soldiers. He had spent a large sum of money on an engagement ring for Annie just a few days ago. Once McQuaid made up his mind to go after something, he went after it. He hadn't loved another since his wife Kelly and from the moment he met Annie, he had a feeling he had met his match again.

"Everything is happening so fast," Annie whispers. "I'm sorry, I didn't plan on saying 'I love you' in this setting, it wasn't very romantic was it?" Ryan continues in a softer voice. "The pace, doesn't it suit people like us? What I learned over the years and especially recently is that every day is precious, everyday is a gift, wouldn't you agree with that?" She smiles, moves in closer, aware that his employees and Auggie and Calder are still at the bar, she whispers, "Someone else close to me gave me similar advice about enjoying every meal as if it were one's last. I am intense, I'll give you that. I'll meet you at your place." Ryan watches her as she walks towards the exit.

McQuaid is a happy man. He quickly works the room and heads to his car.

On the drive over, Annie hears the words Ryan uttered, "I love you." It makes her smile, but she's still worried about things moving too fast.

Although she was happy, Annie was always cautious after her many failed relationships. The rug was pulled out from under her one too many times for her to let go with Ryan. She had to admit that she had fallen for him.


	8. Chapter 8: The Beginning

Once inside together, McQuaid began to press Annie about her heart again. She seemed better, healthier during her time off, but that was only because she wasn't under the constant stress of being a field operative. She hadn't had an episode. Now that the agency knew about her condition, he asked if she had considered the surgical option though he already knew she was considering it.

"So, are you thinking about having surgery?"

Annie wasn't surprised he brought it up and had read the current research on the treatment options. She knew he had looked into her illness before, but neither of them talked about her condition directly.

Annie, "just not sure I want to be under the knife. There's no guarantee even with the surgery and there are risks associated with it. I'll find out more after my appointment."

"I can go with you to your appointment," offers McQuaid.

"I haven't been to the doctor with a chaperone since I turned 13," says Annie in a joking manner.

"Walker, are we together because I'm with you, I need you to be in this with me too. You might think you need to have some resolution to your condition before you give me an answer about living together, but it makes no difference to me. 'We are in this together.' You remember when you said that to me?"

Annie smiles and walks into the bathroom. "It will take a chunk of time and after all the time you've been away from your company, you can't afford to spare a couple of hours. I'll tell you how it goes. I will be fine and if we're going to be together, you need to know that I can take care of myself too. I need a shower," said Annie with a sly smile. She was doing it again, deflecting.

Ryan funs his hands through is hair as he unbuttons his shirt, he feels frustrated as he was before. He wants her to let him in, but she still is so dogged in her attempts to guard herself and go at things alone. He yells after her, "Your moving in does not have to be contingent on what the doctor says. It doesn't matter what the doctor says. And I could have gotten you in to see that doctor sooner you know? Money is good for a reason. . .".

As Annie looks at herself in the bathroom mirror, she thinks to a night a couple of weeks ago when she pulled back from Ryan. They were spending nearly every evening together. She needed some space. Although she enjoyed herself when she was McQuaid, it was hard for her, she had been alone for so long, silent and lost in her own thoughts. It was getting to be too much to spend so much time with just one person, it was in those mundane moments when a person gets to know someone else and opportunities to reveal oneself appear. She was uncomfortable with the honesty and vulnerability of daily life. It didn't feel comfortable to her. She was not used to being her true self with someone. Her job had taken a toll on her and truthfully she got used to being someone else, comfortable playing different people, and concealing herself out of necessity.

If she were honest, she didn't know her true self anymore. She went off the grid for a couple of days to get some distance from Ryan. She backpacked on her own along the Appalachian Trail. He found out she was taking off and would be back in a few nights only because of his surveillance of her. Truthfully, she hadn't ever had a "normal" relationship. She had nothing to compare her time with Ryan to, just a string of heartbreaks. She wasn't used to sharing so much time with someone. He sensed this and didn't push her too hard, he was beginning to master how to handle her moods.

She left when he was away on a short business trip. When he returned, he found the note she left him. He felt hurt to not be invited along with her and not being told where she was going, but he also knew she needed the time. He was concerned that she would exert herself out in the wilderness, but he knew she'd be safe. He made sure of it once he figured out where she went. He had a man stationed along the trail to keep an eye on her. It was wrong and he knew it, but he couldn't help his deep need to care for her. When she came back he let her know how pissed he was that she just left, it was their first blow out fight. He was upset that she thought it was okay to just disappear. But making up was worth it. During her time away Annie missed McQuaid. It was just what she needed to recharge and realize she wanted to make it work with him. It was time she allowed herself to open up to someone else. But old habits die hard, she still had a hard time letting him in for fear that she would get hurt again.

Annie gets undressed for her shower, she just left McQuaid frustrated in the bedroom. She shut him down. If there was bad news at her appointment she wanted to hear it by herself, to process it first, she didn't want someone else with her for her appointment. She was so used to handling crises on her own, she wasn't sure what she would do with another person present.

Annie turns on the shower and gets in. A minute later, Ryan is next to her. He looks at her and says, "No matter what happens at your appointment, I want you to know I love you." Annie doesn't reciprocate the sentiment, but Ryan is okay with it because he knows she will come around and he enjoyed the challenge. Annie simply looked into his eyes and said, "It's not easy for me to let people in, I'm trying."

"That's all I'm asking," said Ryan as he brought her towards him and kissed her, Annie kissed him back. He ran his hands down her sides as she pressed her hands into his back, their kisses became more passionate as they let their warm wet bodies do the work.

After their shower the two land in bed where they spend the next hour talking. Ryan asks where Annie plans on living when her lease is up if she doesn't move in with him. McQuaid's surveillance had picked up on Annie looking for a new place since they last discussed her moving in with him. He also heard her on the phone making arrangements to look at rentals a few days ago. She didn't mention any of it to him and he was a bit hurt, but still confident that he would persuade her to move in. "How'd you know my lease was up?"

Ryan thinks fast, he slipped up. That was a detail she never revealed to him. "I figure that was the reason you were circling rental ads in the paper."

"Oh, hope you don't mind me marking up your paper." He's relieved that she bought it. "One of the things I like about you is that you still read the actual paper. Something we have in common."

Ryan sighs as if in defeat, "So if you aren't entertaining a move here, tell me what you are looking for, maybe I can help you look," Annie says she is looking at a couple of small homes with a yard. "You know during my little retreat to nature a couple of weeks ago, I had a lot of time to myself to think. I realized there is silver lining in being stuck at a desk."

"Really? I thought you were going to fight that."

"Even if I get through surgery, there's no guarantee I'd be cleared for field work. I've always wanted a dog and since I won't be gallivanting around the world at a moment's notice, I can be around to take care of a the dog I dreamed about having since I was a little girl."

Ryan is intrigued and completely entranced, he wants to her more about her dreams and the wishes of the girl who grew up to be Annie Walker. She hadn't spoken much about being a girl, he wanted to know everything about her that wasn't in the files or records he managed to obtain.

"Have you seen the grounds here? There's plenty of room for a dog." She smiles, she did want to say yes to Ryan, but something was still stopping her. "Ryan, your place is great, but it isn't me. It's much too. . ." Annie trails off.

"Too what?" says McQuaid who took pride in his estate. "It's just not what I'm used to, don't get me wrong, your place is beautiful. It's just not what I'm used to. I'm more quaint and cozy and you're into sprawling and luxurious. Anyway, I always wanted a dog as a kid, but moving around so much made it hard to keep a pet. Not all the places we lived allowed them. So I'm looking for a small place with a yard."

"Ok, how about we look for that place together. I'm up for a change. So, what kind of dog am I going to be living with?"

"You're awfully confident as usual. I can't see you living in a small cottage, nothing you have is small."

"Would you consider trying it out here at my place? Annie, we started fast and there's no reason to slow down. Besides we're together 5 out of 7 nights, what's two more nights and a shared closet? There's plenty of room here and it's fully secure and safe."

"No deal if we have to share bathrooms and closets."

Ryan laughs.

"So seriously, a dog? I love dogs too and for the same reasons you named, I never got one."

"If I'm grounded for good, might as well be happy and have something to come home to."

"You will have me to come home to. So, what are we getting? Let me guess, a designer dog, a cocker spaniel or a poodle?"

Annie laughs hysterically. "Are those the kinds of dogs you see me with? Why?"

"Well, you're a stylish and chic woman and usually they have lap dogs that do nothing, but look fancy."

Annie keeps laughing. "Well, you don't really know me then McQuaid."

"I want to know you if you will let me in Annie, I love it when you talk to me, really talk to me. So what kind of dog _do _you want, I won't judge?

"Are you ready? I was thinking about a German Shepherd or a Rottweiler."

Ryan looks surprised, then he says, "Okay, I can see that, makes sense." I like German Shepherds. I'd get a Lab myself."

Annie says, "Labs? They're okay. Too happy, all wag and no bite."

"Too happy? You don't even want your dog to be happy? Walker, we have work to do."

Annie looks lost in thought after Ryan's last comment about her not even wanting a happy dog. She's quiet for a few minutes. He catches her like that often, looking off in deep thought or reminded of something she didn't want to share. He wishes she would share what was on her mind and hoped one day she would be more willing to open herself up to him.

Annie turns away from him, with her back to his chest, she then surprised him by saying, "On one of the bases where my Dad was stationed, there was a K9 Training Unit. I loved watching through the fence before and after school. German Shepherds are beautiful animals. I would dawdle every morning and afternoon to watch them train those dogs. They were always trying to get the officers to adopt the rejects. I begged each time I got wind of it, but never happened. Dad would always say, we couldn't care for a dog. It would just be a problem if we had to say goodbye. He wanted to prevent us from the disappointment and pain of saying goodbye to a family pet. I begged each time, saying we wouldn't have to say bye, if we kept the dog, the dog would be the thing that stayed the same with each move. I so wanted something to take with me each time, a constant, but he never relented. Anyway, ever since then I've had a thing for German Shepherds."

Ryan loved it when she shared pieces of her self, her history. He kissed her shoulder. "So, tell me what are we naming this dog? Did you imagine that?"

"We?"

"Yes, we, let's get a dog together. God knows I am in and out of the country a lot. I can't get a dog on my own, but if you're here too, we can make it work. And it will be good practice for a family one day."

"Well that's awfully presumptuous of you McQuaid! From moving in, to getting a dog to having a family? We hardly know each other."

"Isn't that what we've been doing these last few weeks? Getting to know each other? I'll ask you a question I've been wondering, do you want children?"

"Wow, where did that come from?"

"Just an innocent question, are you going to use your signature charm to deflect it or will you answer it?"

Annie thinks for a moment, a couple of weeks ago he asked her about her boyfriends and now they are talking about getting a dog and having children? Annie in her adult life had never reached a point where she talked about moving in and having children. This was entirely new territory and for a minute she wasn't scared. It was beginning to feel right. She had to admit that Ryan was everything she could want in a man, he understood her work, he could keep up with her, and most of all he had always supported her.

Annie answers him, "I used to want children, but honestly, that dream drifted farther and farther from reality the last few years. I didn't think it was fair for people in my line of work to have children."

"Your line of work is different now or it can be if you stick with the desk job, you'd be a great analyst and language expert and you would have the time for a family."

"And you? Did you and your wife think about having children?"

Ryan wasn't expecting to be asked about Kelly. "Kelly and I were so young when we met and married, children were far from our minds, we were both focused on our careers and work. We thought we there was plenty of time for kids down the line when we were both established. So I guess the answer is we thought about it, but didn't make any concrete plans."

"Well, I think about all I can handle now is a pup."

"So, a name then for this dog?"

"Ruby." She said confidently. "Ruby? You've thought about this a lot huh? Ruby, I like it."

"There are a couple of breeders here in Virginia, some of them supply the Army and Air Force with pups for military dog units. I was planning on going to visit them, but I need to find a place that will take pets."

"My place takes dogs, I have room for a whole litter of dogs. Maybe we'll get two, I'll get one for McQuaid Security, maybe it's time to explore a K9 division."

Annie smiles, "You are persistent."

"I don't give up, much like you."

"Well, what do you say, shall we plan a trip to the breeders?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes, let's get that dog together."

"To clarify, we are going to get a dog together and you're going to live here with me, with said dog. We're going to sleep in the same bed every night and wake up together, buy groceries together, mix our laundry, and. . . "

"You can stop gloating and kiss me now."

This makes Ryan very happy, he talks as he kisses her "We'll make a weekend of it. I have a small beach house in Southern Virginia, a short walk over a dune to the water. You would love it there, it's secluded and beautiful."

Annie kisses back and says, "A small beach house? Nothing you have is small McQuaid."

She always makes him laugh and he doesn't mind when she pokes fun at him.

For the first time Annie is making plans, longer term plans than she ever made. Her life had been day to day, never a thought about next week or even next month until recently. She felt differently this time. She was able to make plans, it dawned on her that she was giving more of herself to Ryan than anyone else she had been with since joining the CIA. They both fall asleep quite content in each other's arms.


	9. Chapter 9: The End

Annie wakes up completely content, she plans on spending the day at her apartment packing up her things. There is part of her that still feels cautious so she plans on keeping her storage units scattered about town, she would only move her bare essentials to Ryan's. She heard the shower come on as she remained in the very comfortable bed looking out at the wall of windows in Ryan's master bedroom. She saw a couple of birds perched on a branch outside. The doorbell rang and they flew away. She called out to Ryan, but he didn't hear her, he was singing in the shower again. She put on his shirt and pants and ran to the door. It was Jim.

"Oh, good morning Annie," he says with a wink. Annie smiles slightly embarrassed.

"Morning Jim!"

"I'm just dropping off today's briefs and a few pending contracts to review before I go to Budapest. Will you make sure Ryan gets them? He has some meetings on his calendar out of the office today so he needs these for them."

Annie feeling embarrassed and self-conscious to be in Ryan's shirt in front of his colleague, says "Of course I'll make sure he gets these."

"Jim turns to leave, but turns her head back to say, "Has Bossman given you a tour of the whole compound yet? "

"I think I've seen most of it."

"What did you think of his signature command central panic room? Has one at all of his properties."

Annie says, "Now that I haven't seen yet." She guesses that they've been too busy doing other things at his place and perhaps he would show her the panic room once she moves in. They didn't have need for one like they did when Ryan was being hunted by every government agency in the states.

Annie smiles and says, "Thanks Jim."

So Ryan still has a few secrets himself. Annie finds it amusing. She begins to look for access to this panic room. She wasn't surprised after seeing his safe house, of course his primary residence would be fully equipped with the latest security. Annie wondered how many properties Ryan owned, she never asked. A sly smile forms on her face and she decides to locate this panic room.

Annie still hears Ryan singing joyfully in the shower. The man can even carry a tune. He probably thought she was still lounging in bed. She looks around the Master and thinks about the layout of the house and the house's exterior. She had been at Ryan's dozens of times. But she had never noticed that adjacent to the wall of windows was a wall of built-ins and a wardrobe. Behind it there must have been a room. Because the next room was his living room and there was at least 6 feet by 8 feet of unaccounted for space. She felt around the wardrobe and found a panel with a keypad. She wasn't sure what to do. She got out her face blotters and ran it over the keypad to reveal the oils on the numbers. 1459. She new it was a four-digit number. McQuaid was a WW2 buff, he talked about the valor of that generation of men and how he strived to be like them. She tried 1945 and got it right. She was giddy, proud of herself for cracking open McQuaid's panic room, not once wondering why he hadn't shown it to her in the month they had spent together.

Once inside, straight ahead she saw security cameras showing the perimeter and inside of his home and another panel. Along the back wall was his collection of weapons, wall art of guns and knives and restraints, a shelf of food, scotch, bourbon, water and a generator. Annie is impressed, McQuaid is always prepared for the worst case scenario. His panic room was even fancier than the one at the safe house where she and McQuaid spent the night while he was being hunted. There's a rug under her feet, she lifts it up and finds what appears to be a hidden trap door, probably leads off the property.

There was a bank of screens to the right that all were off. Annie looked over to the left wall where there were two evidence boards. One was his hunt for the mole in his agency. The other was almost identical to the one Annie had worked off at the CIA on the Chicago bombing, but it also included pictures from Roger Bennett's apartment and photos of Annie.

Annie was puzzled, some of them were from the time before she worked with McQuaid and many were of her recently. There were pictures of her with Auggie and Roger and her meeting with Roger's contact at the Russian embassy and pictures of her having lunch with Eyal in Turkey. Annie is processing all the information and in deep thought. Well, she was working for him while in Turkey, perhaps he had someone tailing her? She's developed a sinking feeling in her stomach. She grabs her phone and takes as many photos as she can of the room. She turns on the screens that are off and sees that they are cameras showing the inside and outside of her apartment with multiple views.

Now it dawns on her, her mind is in hyper drive analyzing everything. McQuaid asked her to move in recently. It was all for some sick agenda of his. He was watching her. Had been watching her for a long time. She also found a stash of nitrate meds, a stack of files on her condition, research papers on treatments and another stack of files on her from the CIA detailing all her missions. There is a pile of jewel cases next to the screens on her apartment. The dates went back a couple of months to the time when she first met McQuaid. Annie is trying to take it all in, what were the last few weeks all about? Was any of it real? What was McQuaid after?

Annie starts to shake as the enormity of what she discovered sinks in. . .

She didn't notice Ryan had turned off the shower and is out of the bathroom. He is at the doorway to the control room with nothing but a towel around his waist and a look of desperation. He is cursing himself for not coming clean with Annie earlier, he wonders how he is going to walk his way out of the situation, not expecting what happens next.

The hairs rise on Annie's neck as she senses that she is no longer alone. Annie's instincts kick in and she moves quickly to the back wall where she grabs a gun and makes sure it is loaded. She also grabs a pair of cuffs. The quick thinking spy isn't at all rusty after a month out of the field.

Her watery eyes stare at him and says, "What is this? I let my guard down and I trusted you. I have got to be the stupidest girl in the world. God, what is wrong with me?"

Ryan, "Annie, you can still trust me. You're upset. Please put the gun down so we can have a calm discussion, so I can explain." It was reminiscent of Maracaibo and that night in Annie's apartment the two other times Annie had pulled a gun on Ryan. But unlike the other times, this time, he fears she won't hesitate to shoot him.

He says, "This isn't what it looks like."

Annie's mouth is open, but no words are coming out. The gun remains steady. She's thinking, processing. Suddenly, she kicks in gear and keeping the gun pointed at him and tells him to back up. She switches places with him so he is at the back of the panic room. She has him cuff himself to the back wall where there are metal loops coming out of the walls to store the guns. All the while Ryan is trying to talk to Annie in a calm and reassuring way.

"SHUT THE HELL UP."

Once Ryan is cuffed, Annie empties a bag she sees and fills it with the jewel cases, files, and rips out the hard drive on the computer at the security station, takes another couple of guns. Ryan is panicked; he has to contain the situation and tries to talk his way out of his predicament. He keeps trying to talk to her calmly saying, "Look at me, put the gun down, let's talk. This isn't what it seems. Let me explain. I love you, that is real. My love for you is real. I needed to protect you, so I had to keep eyes on you."

All the words are empty to Annie. She has been ignoring him while working to gather the evidence. Ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach, she's going to be sick, the new discovery is making her once again question all her instincts, she harnesses all her energy and emotions into one. Anger.

"I told you to SHUT UP, JUST STOP TALKING!" She shoots all the screens that show her apt. Ryan is stunned and takes cover as the glass shatters and loud shots ring in his ears. He knew she was angry, but he didn't expect her to actually fire the weapon. She rips out the phones and computer cables. "Annie, I know you're angry and rightfully so, I should have shown all this to you sooner, but damn it, give me a chance to explain." She tells him, "Shown it to me sooner? You had NO intention of me ever finding out and don't you pretend to know how I feel, you don't get the satisfaction of knowing how I feel. Save your breath for the interrogators." McQuaid is at a loss for words, she's going to call in Langley. It was probably protocol when an operative discovered bugs or surveillance, but he wished she wouldn't, this was trouble he didn't need now.

Once out of the control room, Annie looks straight back at McQuaid while fighting tears, she won't let him see how hurt she is, she needs to maintain composure. She closes the door and shoots the keypad to making it as hard on him as possible to get out. She needed the CIA sweep team to get there before he figured escaped. He could probably work his way out soon, he was a trained black op soldier after all. Her apartment needed to be swept too.

What had she compromised as a result of her relationship with him? Auggie was right. Once again, she was the one who was too emotionally involved to notice anything was amiss. How did she not see it? How could she let McQuaid manage to use her and dupe her like this? And she was going to move in with him. What happened to her instincts was she so wrapped up in him and his care and concern for her that she didn't sense that he was up to something? She needed to call Auggie and Joan to let them know she's been compromised. It was going to be a hard call to make.


	10. Chapter 10: In the Doghouse

Annie frantically looked around for her clothes. She drops to her knees and breaks down as she dresses. Inside the panic room, Ryan can see the scene playing out in his Master bedroom, he sees her fall to her knees sobbing. He feels like shit. What had he done, why didn't he tell her everything last night or the night before or the week before or as soon as she returned? That's the problem with a lie, the longer you keep it harder it is to come clean without repercussions. He shouts at her to open up the door, she can hear his muffled voice from the sound proof safe room. He can see her on the screen wipe away her tears and it's killing him. Realizing he can see her she refuses to give him the satisfaction of watching her cry.

Ryan watched as Annie slowly got up, clutching her chest. He could see that she labored in her breathing. Annie feels lightheaded, she stumbled and started towards the bathroom where she vomited. Oh God she's having another episode thought McQuaid. He tried to yell at her to say her injections were in the drawer next to her side of the bed. He thrashes around trying to free himself. His cameras were not in the bathroom, something he notes he needs to add. He didn't see her vomit. She wasn't having an episode exactly, she was simply feeling sick to her stomach at the discovery of Ryan's betrayal.

A few minutes later she emerges dressed and determined. She gets up on a chair and finds the camera in the bedroom, looks straight at the lens and rips it out. She takes everything she packed up from the panic room and all her belonging she had left behind at Ryan's home the last couple of weeks. She enters the garage and looks back into the house she was about to share with Ryan, then readies herself to call Auggie.

Auggie is at home getting ready for work, a woman he in his Judo class is in his shower.

"Incoming call, Annie Walker."

Auggie's face gives off a surprised look. He didn't expect to hear from Annie, her doctor appointment wasn't until tomorrow.

"Walker!"

Annie is just breathing on the other end, trying to get the words out.

Auggie knows her so very well, he senses that something is very wrong.

"Hey, are you in trouble? Are you okay?"

"It's McQuaid, you were right to not trust him," says Annie with a shaky voice.

"Where are you now?"

"Leaving McQuaid's, he's cuffed and locked up in his panic room."

Auggies gears are turning, he's worried for Annie.

"Cuffed? Let's back up. Did he hurt you?"

"Physically? No. Auggie, I need a sweep team over here and at my apartment right now." Annie started the sentence shaky, but when it came down to business she composed herself. Auggie could still hear it, he could hear the pain in her voice.

"You'll have to give me some more details before I order one of the most powerful and well connected PMC's home searched."

"He was watching me, collecting intel for God knows what and how long Auggie. Maybe since the day I met him. He has cameras at my apartment." Auggie is silent as they both take it all in. What was the bastard up to thought Auggie.

"I'll get on it. Get yourself to the office, I'll meet you there and we'll figure it out together." He thought for a second about having her come directly to his place, but he didn't want her to see the evidence of the woman who spent the night.

+++McQuaid in Trouble Again

Annie dropped nearly everything she took from McQuaid's on Auggie's desk and asks him to vet it all. "Auggie, I know I have no right to ask any more favors of you…"

"Annie, I will always be your friend, always. Ask away."

"Thanks, I appreciate it despite what I've done and I. . . , I would appreciate some discretion. There are, on the DVDs, um, there are intimate. . . moments" Annie can't quite get the words out, but Auggie understands. As much as her relationship with Auggie altered, she still trusted him to be on her side and he wasn't about to let his friend down.

"Say no more Walker. I'll be the only one who listens to them. Hey, remember I'm blind. . . worked out well in this scenario." Maybe it was a poorly timed blind joke, but he hoped to put a smile on her face.

"Thank you Auggie."

Barber walks in awkwardly, "Annie, Joan wants to see you before you head to polygraph."

"Thanks Barber," says a tired Annie. Auggie hears the exhaustion in her voice.

"Hey, bet you didn't have time to have breakfast before taking McQuaid down. I have a banana here."

"No, the thought of eating turns my stomach right now. I just need to get through the day. . ."

"Take it with you. You have a long day ahead. Go on, I'll see you later," says Auggie has he gives her hand a squeeze. Annie walks out of the office, Auggie remains at his desk with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Truthfully, he was not looking forward to reviewing those DVDs, but he had to turn off his personal feelings and get the job done.


	11. Chapter 11: All Is Not What It Seems

Annie walks into Joan's office. Joan is surprisingly supportive and lets Annie have her first meltdown since leaving McQuaid's house. Since Arthur's death, Joan made an effort to make more personal connections with her operatives and subordinates, especially the females under her. She wanted them to see her as a mentor and confidante. She didn't want anyone to feel alone or unsupported by Joan's office and she especially wanted to reconnect with Annie.

Joan hands Annie some tissue and says, "We'll get to the bottom of everything. I appreciate that you brought this to me, the Annie I knew would have tried to handle it on her own." Annie composes herself. "I knew you could help, I keep wracking my brain trying to figure out what I missed, how I could have been so stupid. I was so busy working my missions and helping that son of a bitch that I didn't see it or I didn't want to see it."

"Annie, you couldn't have known, he's been a boy scout his entire career, he was just cleared of all wrong doing in relation to Chicago and the motorcade bombing. I was just as surprised when Auggie filled me in, he's been great to me and Mac after Arthur died, but I _will _get answers. He's been brought in and I will question him myself."

"Thank you Joan. I don't think I've revealed any mission critical information. All I've been tasked with since my return was Chicago and I haven't talked about past missions, McQuaid has a high level of clearance as it is, probably knows more about missions than I do. I know he got his hands on my personnel file. I don't get it Joan. I really don't know what he could be after from me."

"Leave it to me Annie, I'm going to find out myself. Just report to polygraph and I'm going to need a timeline of all your encounters with McQuaid."

Annie was glad for the banana Auggie handed her. She spent over three hours answering questions about McQuaid and her relationship with him. A thirty minute lunch break was called. Annie went straight to Auggie's desk. He filled her in. They cleared out McQuaid's safe and panic room. "Quite a scene you left from what I hear Walker. Remind me never to cross you."

Annie manages a weak smile. "Don't forget it. So what did they find?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. His safe contained what you'd expect. Passports, tons of cash in various currencies, his medals and awards, some memorabilia, some pictures of his wife, and Annie. . . there was a ring. An engagement ring, purchased just last week from Tiffany's. You know anything about that?"

Annie is not sure what to think, but none of it matters. "I agreed to move in with him just last night Auggie. We were making plans, I let my guard down. He had me Auggie. I didn't see this coming, so if that ring was for me, I'm glad I dodged a bullet."

"Annie, don't beat yourself up. I'm here for you."

"So, what about the evidence board, what was he after?"

"Doesn't look like he was after anything other than your movements, your habits, there were some pictures of an unknown subject. We can't figure out who it is, but they were all taken near your apartment."

"What was found at my apartment?"

"Cameras, standard equipment, but one thing stood out. You car had two trackers on it, but there's no info linking one of them to the feed at McQuaid's. There was another anomaly, a bug, nothing consistent with the rest of the equipment McQuaid uses. Joan is questioning him on it now. But it looks like it wasn't just McQuaid who was watching you."

Annie looks completely befuddled. Who else could be watching her? It was unnerving. Finding out McQuaid wasn't what he seemed was one thing, but he was a known. Who was this other person?

Suddenly it dawns on her, "It's his way to cover his ass Auggie. Think about it Auggie. McQuaid conveniently put down the second bug and tracker to act as a decoy. I'm not falling for it."

"Annie, we need to act as if there is another entity out there, we can't risk your life. I don't think much of him, but I don't think that's the man's style."

"I never really knew him, my instincts are shot. I have to get back to finish up and get out of here."

"Beers later?"

"I'm not up for it today Auggie." She sounded haggard, broken, there was no sunshine in her voice.

"Where are you going?"

"I have about an hour left of questions back at poly. Don't worry about me." But he does, yet he does nothing about it. He lets her go.

Annie finishes up her timeline and polygraph a few hours later. Joan catches her and lets her know that Ryan's story checks out. "He came clean about everything and his reasons for keeping tabs on you. He passed his polygraph. I questioned him myself."

Annie rolls her eyes and sighs, "You too? You can't buy what he's saying? I can pass a polygraph too."

"Annie we uncovered other devices. McQuaid isn't the only one keeping tabs on you. The other bugs were planted sometime while McQuaid's office was shut down. He admitted he wasn't always on you, he never went back and reviewed his tapes from the time he was hunted through the time you were in Istanbul while he was in the hospital. He has a valid point and valid intel. I'm going to look through the DVDs you handed Auggie to see what I can come up with. It's a lot to sift though. But, you are in some danger and until we figure that out, it's best that we find you a new safe house and identity. We don't know who placed the other devices there."

Annie sighs, "Joan, have you considered that he could be bullshitting you to take the heat off himself? I don't buy his story."

"Annie, you should have seen him, no man is that good an actor or liar when it comes to wearing his heart on his sleeve. I am good at this, I'm trained to read people. He's a mess. He kept asking me if I had seen you or talked to you. He wanted to know if you were okay, he said you left his place clutching your chest. He thought you might have had an episode. And I have to agree, you look terrible. Have you made it to the doctors yet during your leave? You need to take care of yourself and for now, you need protection."

"Joan, I will be fine. I need some time alone to process today."

"Annie, we have reason to believe that there is a legitimate threat to you. You've come too close to something or someone. You're not invincible. You need to accept the agency's help, my help. Tech just told me the equipment is standard issue for the FSB. We think you pissed them off in Paris, they lost their chance to nab you at the embassy and someone has been tasked with bringing you in."

"You honestly think they'd make a move on American soil?"

"I'm not sure. It would be politically unwise, but they could be gathering intel on your movements and take you when you're abroad."

"They had a chance in Turkey, and I'm still here. If it's really the FSB, we shut it down today, I'll take my chances on the streets on DC. I'm off the field remember, there's no reason for me to travel abroad for them to grab me. I'll be fine Joan."

"Annie, I want you to be careful. Don't take this lightly. Let me get that safe house set up."

Annie shakes her head. She looks past Joan to see McQuaid leaving the office where he just finished his paperwork post polygraph and interrogation, he sees Annie across the hallway. "Thanks for the concern Joan, I need to go. I have a safe place in mind," says Annie as she doesn't want McQuaid to find her. Joan looks behind her and sees Ryan. She gives Annie a knowing nod, but says, "It's obvious he loves you Annie. Just some advice, don't discount the moments you shared."

"Doesn't excuse him, love isn't enough, there can't be true love without trust and I don't trust him. We aren't like you and Arthur, we weren't even together for that long, I fell into the same pattern you tried to warn me of in the past." Annie looks at Joan and then leaves in a hurry.

Ryan tries to go after her, but is caught up gathering the things that had been taken from him, his wallet, watch, and jacket. Auggie is there, wanted to speak with McQuaid personally before he was released from custody. "McQuaid, making this place your second home huh, we need to talk."

"Annie is on her way out and I need to talk to her."

"I have news for you, the lady doesn't want to speak to you, but I do. I have a few questions to ask."

"Another time Auggie."

Blindness is a terrible thing, he doesn't see McQuaid run after her, but he knows it.

He eventually catches up. Annie wants nothing to do with him. She tells him she's sick, he makes her sick and what was real for him?

"After all we had been through, it was convenient for you wasn't it. I was an easy mark. What was your plan? You know what? I don't want to know. We're done. Don't ever talk to me or come near me again. Next time, I will aim and my aim is good."

"I love you Annie and I should have told you about the surveillance the minute you came back from Turkey."

"Should have what? You never should have had me watched McQuaid."

He sees, he's getting nowhere so changes the subject. McQuaid looks at his watch and says, "Can we have dinner? I haven't eaten all day."

"You're amazing you know? Ballsy. There are no more dinners for us. We are done!"

McQuaid was driven there, picked up by the CIA, he has no ride.

"Then how about a ride?" He couldn't and wouldn't give up, he wanted to know where she was heading.

Annie shakes her head. "I will use my gun, how ironic would it be for you to be shot by your own gun? I have a pretty good defense you know, shooting my stalker."

"You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man."

"You want to try me?"

"Annie wait, please. What we have is real."

An angry Annie shouts "What we _had_ was a fantasy. _Your sick fantasy_. But I have to thank you. You confirmed once again that there's no way people in our line of work can have a real and honest relationship, so thank you for the lesson."

"If you don't believe a word I say, you have to believe the evidence your agency found, you are still in danger Annie."

"The only person who is a danger to me now is you. So stay away from me, I mean it Ryan."

She walks away, leaving McQuaid standing in front of Langley feeling like crap. He's feels as if he's been pummeled and knocked out, but a man like McQuaid doesn't give up. She got past believing he was a traitor, he wasn't going to stop trying to get her to hear him out. He couldn't let her believe for a minute that the last month wasn't real. It was very real for him.

Once in her car she speeds past McQuaid, then stops her car a short distance away, she can't see through her tears. Annie breaks down. She feels sick and frantically looks around for a bag to throw up in. She can't find one and opens the door to vomit what little she ate for lunch.


	12. Chapter 12: Eyal Meets McQuaid

Here's a long chapter. I was kind of disappointed tonight in 5.11 when it seemed like the writers closed the door on Eyal and Annie having a romantic relationship. Totally into McQuaid/Annie as a couple, but having Eyal in the background adds an interesting layer and complexity that keeps me wondering and rooting for both gentlemen (not at the same time though). And I don't dislike Auggie, in fact, I think he's another upstanding guy, I love all these "good guys" men with honor, integrity, a sense of duty, a need to serve a higher purpose, but Auggie's a player, he's a ladies man and Annie needs someone more solid, both Eyal and Ryan fit that bill.

Annie composes herself and restarts her car. As she drives she has a sinking feeling her nausea wasn't from eating something bad or even McQuaid's betrayal. She didn't have a fever or chills. She takes a moment to recall the last time she had her period. She was so wrapped up in her carefree life with McQuaid she didn't realize she was at least a week and a half late. She suspects she maybe pregnant but doesn't want to believe it, she tells herself she is just imagining it, maybe a stomach bug was going around. She pushes the thought out of her mind as she formulates a plan.

Annie can't go back to the place she shared many evenings with McQuaid yet. All she wants is to get into a warm bed after a wall of exhaustion hits her. She can't remember when she last felt so tired. She doesn't think he will mind. She's without a phone so can't call him. She definitely needs to pick up a new phone, but not yet. She didn't want to be found by anyone. He had once offered his apartment to her, for him to even reveal where he lived was a huge step in their relationship. It was a peace offering after he had duped her. She gladly accepted unable to return to her cottage where she lost Simon. The place she felt was safe for her was none other than Eyal's DC apartment.

Annie went to retrieve Eyal's key along with some clothes and toiletries from the locker she kept at the swanky Penthouse Pool and Lounge. She went to the apartment where she once lived after Simon was killed and opened the door, but immediately sensed that something was wrong. It didn't feel empty, she smelled cologne and food. Eyal had told her that no one used his D.C. apartment except for him and as far as she knew he was back home in Israel. She carefully walked into the kitchen and touched the stove. It was warm and the sink was wet. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a figure move quickly from the pantry behind her. First, she froze then reached for her gun. She turned around and was surprised to see the man himself. Eyal stood before her with a gun drawn.

They both put their weapons down and breathed sighs of relief and in unison said, "What the hell are you doing here?" Then they both laugh at the ridiculously unexpected circumstances.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming to D.C.?"

"I wanted to surprise you and looks like it was a success!"

"When did you get in?"

"Just a landed a bit over an hour ago, I was about to give you a call to meet up for drinks. I am supposed to go into Langley to give a brief to one of your many committees of what happened in Istanbul. I sent over my reports but some higher ups wanted to hear it in person and Rivka ordered that I comply, keep you Americans happy and out of our hair. Plus it was an opportunity to see you without people shooting at us."

"Really? No one told me about that. I was just there at Langley for most of the day."

"I thought you were on leave."

Eyal could see how ragged Annie looked. "You don't look like a woman of leisure Annie. How have you been spending your vacation? I tell you, you Americans really don't know the meaning of rest and relaxation."

Annie didn't laugh at his quip, instead she looks serious and he could sense something was terribly wrong. Eyal motions toward the couch for her to have a seat. He goes to the kitchen and pours a glass of water for Annie. Then sits on the coffee table facing her. Sitting knee to knee, he looks at her and says, "What's happened? Because the last time you were here something terrible happened to you and I was glad to offer a sanctuary. What brought you back to my place?"

Annie is quiet.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here," says Eyal as he lifts her head up by her chin.

Annie looks into Eyal's eyes as tears well up. She doesn't say anything. She just cries and he lets her. Her body bends down and her head hits his lap where her cries turn into uncontrollable sobs. "He just rubs her back and says, it's okay, Neshema. It's okay."

Finally Annie lifts her head and looks at Eyal. "I'm always choosing the wrong men."

"Maybe you need to choose an Israeli. Remember everything's better in Israel"

They look at each other and Eyal leans in to a stationary Annie. He kisses her on the forehead, then on her nose, he holds her head with his hands and finally his lips reach her lips, she starts to kiss him back and then takes his hands and stops. "Timing is everything and now's definitely not our time. Eyal, I think I'm pregnant." Eyal's eyes widen and he said, "Well, you've always been able to astonish me, but I really wasn't expecting that. Are you sure it's mine?" They laugh at the impossible situation. Annie puts her head in her lap crying, Eyal puts his hands on her head and plays with her hair. He comforts her saying she can stay at his place as long as needed.

"Eyal, I don't get scared, not after everything I've faced. But I'm scared. I don't know what to do. How can I have a baby? I can't have a baby whose father is a liar, a man I never really knew . . . "He wraps his arms around her and rubs her back. "Well, I wasn't expecting that to be the response when we finally kissed for real, I always wanted more children. . . what do you say? Come back to Israel with me since this man is clearly not worthy of you."

Annie lifts her tear stained face. Incredulous. "You can't be serious."

"Remember it's Thursday, I don't lie on Thursdays." Annie laughs.

"I always wanted kids, but I can't do it. If I had found out before I knew he was a lying SOB, I probably would have moved in with him, and lived in ignorant bliss with a dog and baby. I was happy, you know. Eyal, I was truly happy for the first time in ages. I thought it was real. That I could find happiness, I thought a normal life was finally in my future. I let myself make plans with him." She goes back to sobbing with her head in his lap.

"Of course you can have a normal life Neshema, you love and care about those close to you. You'll love and care for the life inside you. It's another gift and the gifts are not going to keep coming for you. Remember when I told you your illness was a gift, a sign it was time to get out. You didn't listen to me then, listen to me now. This life is a gift. It is another sign that it is time for you to get out, because your nine live are going to run out. Take it, take this gift and get out of this life."

"But what about the father?"

"What about him? This McQuaid character is the father I presume? You said it was over."

"You would support a man not knowing he fathered a child? You're a father, wouldn't you want to know if you had a child out there?"

"I would, but he's not me and I don't care for the man, so I say forget him."

"You're jealous?"

"Jealousy is for petty people. He's not worthy of you Neshema."

"And you are?" with a laugh.

"I am, I've never lied to you as a friend, as a fellow operative sure, that's the beauty in what we have, we understand our roles. When it counted, I've been there for you my friend and I will continue to be here for you."

"I can't do it, I'm too tortured and messed up to bring a life into this world, I don't want to mess up another life."

Eyal tries to comfort her. He says, "You're right Neshema, secrets always come out, it's just a matter of time like with your heart. I would want to know if I had a child. You must tell him, but ultimately what you do is your choice."

Annie looks tired. He says, we don't have to talk about this right now, you need to get some rest. Go take a nap and I'll make you something to eat.

"Eyal, thank you. Can I ask you to go buy a pregnancy test?"

"Of all the things you've asked me to help you with, I think that's the easiest mission you could send me on. I'll be right back Neshama, do you need anything else? Maybe some prenatal vitamins? It's what the doctor orders."

"Maybe some ice cream if you don't have any in the freezer."

The pregnancy test Eyal bought for Annie is still sitting unopened on his kitchen counter. She was not ready to learn what her body already knew. She wanted to put off confirmation as long as possible hoping it wouldn't be real if she waited. Annie has a 7 a.m. procedure with Dr. Wendy Lee, a prominent cardio thoracic surgeon in DC. Annie asks Eyal to go with her to her cardiologist the next morning.

Annie had to check in at 7:00 am. For a 7:30 appointment. Eyal was glad to accompany Annie, he couldn't give a shit if he were late for Langley. Annie was more important to him. McQuaid knows where Annie's appointment was scheduled, he goes there hoping to catch Annie. He waits in the lobby with two cups of coffee and sees Eyal and Annie entering the building. As soon as Annie catches sight of him she lets out an annoyed sigh.

"You have got to be kidding me."

Eyal eyes McQuaid says, "So this is the ben zonah you told me about. I'm . . . "

Annie interrupts, "Don't say anything to him, be careful or he'll have you tailed and watched. What am I saying, you already have pictures of me and Eyal."

Eyal lifts his eyebrows, she never did reveal why she was so angry with this man. He made a note to himself to never cross Annie romantically.

"I'll leave the two of you for a moment. Annie, I'll be nearby if you need me."

"What are you doing here? Are you still having me followed? Watched?" asks Annie angrily.

"No, remember, I was hoping to accompany you today. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"Don't pretend, you know who he is already. You need to leave and I told you yesterday, there's nothing left to say."

"I care about you. I wanted to make sure you are okay, you look. . . you don't look well. I'm worried about you."

"I don't believe anything you say. You don't get to know any more about me or my life. You want to know how my heart is? If it was broken before, it's shattered now. But you know what, you don't get a win, I am going to be fine. Whatever plan you had, didn't work. That's all you need to know."

Eyal steps back by Annie's side and puts his arm around her, "Bo-ee nelech (let's go) we're going to be late."

McQuaid moves closer to Annie, "My plan wasn't to break your heart, everything I did was because I wanted to protect you." Eyal, puts his hand on McQuaid's chest to stop him from getting closer to Annie. McQuaid slaps Eyal's hand away and says curtly, "Stay out of this." Eyal speaks harshly, "We're in the company of a lady, so I'll give you a pass, but she has said her peace. Leave."

Annie pulls at Eyal, "Let's go."

They walk into the elevator and watch McQuaid as the doors close. "So you ready to tell me everything? I mean you don't have to, but would be nice to know the next time we encounter him. You know there will be a next time." He looks over and sees the tears streaming down her cheeks. Eyal remains silent and lets her compose herself. Later he says, "So what did he do exactly?" Annie tells him most of the details of what she found at McQuaid's home as they wait and fill out waivers and forms in the waiting room.

Eyal surprisingly says, "I would have done the same thing Annie if I thought you were in danger. Heck, I've kept tabs on you over the years through Mossad and you're not so angry with me."

Annie looks flabbergasted. "So you're excusing him and saying to forgive him?"

"Look, it would be easy for me let things be and be your hero again. You know I hate to share you, but if I were in love with you, I'd want to protect you in the same way. I'm saying how is it different from the times I've followed you or stashed a GPS tracker in your car or looked through photos of you and an asset? You've forgiven me for much worse, my friend."

Annie is still silent. So Eyal goes on, "I'm saying, you were happy, you admitted to being happy. I hate to admit it because I do want to keep you for myself, but I'm great at reading men, especially men like McQuaid. I can tell he cares for you. Maybe in time you can find a path to forgiveness."

Annie finally speaks, "You are preaching forgiveness? Never thought I'd see the day."

"Well, miracles do happen and speaking of miracles, I pray there's one for your heart."

"You're praying for me?"

"Okay, am I in the twilight zone?"

"Glad you haven't lost your sense of humor Neshema."

"You want to know the difference between you and him? We weren't sleeping together, our relationship started as part of our business and we've flirted and enjoyed dancing around the tension, but we never let sex come between us. I think that's what's kept us friends."

Annie is called in to change and get prepped for her procedure. She asks if Eyal can stay with her. The nurse allows it for the prep, but not for the procedure. The doctor explains that he will be taking a piece of her heart tissue to test and asks if Annie followed the pre-procedure instructions. Annie had followed the instructions easily, no eating for six hours prior. They put in a catheter through her arm and into her myocardium to remove a small bit of tissue. It was quick and relatively painless, but Annie has to sit in the recovery area for at least an hour for them to keep an eye on her vitals. Eyal sits by her as she dozes off.

Eyal thinks to himself how all of this could have been avoided if she sailed off to Greece with him, but their lives took them where they were and the current brought them there in that moment. Maybe she was right, they remained friends because they weren't involved romantically. He was a man who embraced each moment as if it were his last, an important lesson learned over the years. He planned to ask her again to return to Israel with him, have her surgery there, have her baby there, he would help her in any way he could. He still felt that he owed her and she felt the same way towards him.

The nurse returns checks on Annie's vitals. She is cleared to leave. The nurse instructs Annie saying no heavy lifting or intense exercise for the next few days. Change the gauze every eight hours and if you need to sneeze or cough press down. The doctor will be in shortly. "Did you hear that Ms. Walker? No heavy lifting," says Eyal. Annie manages a weak smile.

The doctor sees Annie, listens to her heart and reviews the results of her last set of EKGs. You are strong and otherwise healthy, a good candidate for valve repair surgery. With new technology, the surgery is minimally invasive. I have an open slot in three days, you're lucky, otherwise you will have to wait a month. When you check-out the nurse will give you pre-op instructions.

Annie looks at Eyal and says to Dr. Lee, "I have a hypothetical question. If a patient with my condition were to be pregnant what would happen?" The doctor raises his eyebrows, "That is a critical piece of information that would affect a patient's health and I would hope if that were true the patient would not hide it from her doctor."

The doctor goes on to say pregnancy is a huge risk for a patient with her condition. "You would be unlikely to make it through the pregnancy with no complications. You have to understand that your heart has to pump 40 percent more blood to your organs while pregnant causing it to work much harder than normal, which means it has to work harder and your heart in its current condition cannot withstand that much stress. If you were pregnant you need to see a high-risk OB-GYN for a consultation. Surgery is a risk, a fetus may not survive it, but it depends on how far along the pregnancy is and other factors that a high-risk OB would be more skilled to assess."

Annie is silent.

The doctor says, "You are healthy otherwise, can get pregnant again if you miscarry, but your heart most definitely cannot handle a full-term pregnancy with out significant intervention, the decision is up to you, but my counsel is to get the surgery done."

"Thank you Dr. Lee," says Annie.

Eyal and Annie ride in silence back to his apartment. He lets her out of the car and says, "My invitation to return to Israel with me still stands. It wasn't a joke. Avram is the best and he knows many well-connected cardio-thoracic surgeons. We will get you in for surgery and you can stay with me until you're ready to face this McQuaid. You know he won't stop trying to see you."

"Eyal, you've done too much for me. I need to do this here as Annie Walker. I'm done running and hiding. I have some decisions to make."

"Just think about it. I have to report to Langley, but will be back in a few hours. How about we go pack up your apartment, get that over with while you've got my muscle. I don't have to be back home right away and have a few vacation days. I'll stay here in DC with you a little longer or we can go somewhere else. I only have to be back in Israel by the weekend for Avi's soccer match. Championship game this weekend. I promised I'd be there."

"Eyal Levin taking a vacation? You have changed."

"Only for you Annie."

"Thanks Eyal. I don't have much, been nice to live simply since returning from the dead. The packing will go faster with your help. But you don't have an obligation to look after me. I'll be fine." And she gives him a peck on the cheek. "There's juice and fruit salad in the fridge."Annie goes into the apartment. He watches to make sure she gets inside. Once in, she sinks into the couch and falls asleep. When she wakes up, three hours had passed. She hadn't napped like that in a long time. She feels much better. She thinks about Eyal's advice on forgiveness, but she get past what Ryan did, what he hid from her, even if it was to protect her, it was such a violation and she felt sick whenever she thought about how he was watching her every move. She has questions he has yet to answer, but she's not ready to face him yet. She wants to figure out how she feels about the pregnancy without his interference. She puts her hands to her stomach, thinking how just yesterday she was talking about getting a German Shepard and moving in with Ryan. If she hadn't found out about his side project watching her, she would have been surprised about the pregnancy, but probably happy.

Eyal is in his car driving to Langley, Ryan had them followed when they went to the doctor and is still having him followed. Eyal knows it, but remained silent. He noticed the car when they left the medical building. It was parked and idle as Annie and Eyal spoke in the car before Annie got out and walked into the building. Eyal thought it was McQuaid following them. He loses the tail. Eyal didn't want to piss off Annie so he kept that info from her, she was too distracted to notice the tail. He kept the information to himself and decided he'd pay Ryan McQuaid a visit before he left for Israel.


	13. Chapter 13: Partners Again?

Eyal returns to his apartment after spending most of the day at Langley answering questions and sharing what little he could share about events that transpired in Turkey. He brought home groceries to make a simple meal. Annie, had not eaten much besides some bread and cheese. "Neshema, you are responsible for more than yourself, you need to eat better."Eyal, always comfortable in the kitchen whipped up a healthy meal in just thirty minutes. "How do you do that?" asks Annie. You and Danielle would enjoy cooking together. I never knew how she could open up her fridge and come up with something to eat so fast."

"Necessity, I suppose and a mother who made sure her son wouldn't starve, but getting back to you, how are you feeling?"

"I slept and took it easy today, started a book, you have quite a collection. I want to forget how screwed up and complicated my life has become."

Eyal chuckles, "Your life is never boring when we meet, that's for sure."

"I'm sorry to have shown up here and gotten you involved in my mess. You've been a good. . ."

He cuts her off, "Annie, in our line of work, it's good to have allies and it's nice to spend time with you outside of a mission. Let's get you packed up and watch a movie, have a normal night in."

"Eyal, that sounds wonderful," says Annie with a smile.

The pair heads over to Annie's apartment where she had been staying since returning to DC. Annie had a couple of storage units around the city, they planned on taking her boxes to one of her storage units and some to Eyal's. He offered her his place as long as she needed. Annie said, it would be temporary, a CIA operative couldn't very well be linked to a foreign operative's safe house.

As they pack, they talk, Annie says, "Eyal, you're a good father. I can see how proud you are of Avi whenever you talk about him. Remember that time you brought me to his soccer game? I won't forget how you lit up when you saw him out on the field, that look was pride. I don't see that in you often. How were you able to have a child and this life?"

"It didn't come without costs Neshema. I missed a lot of his childhood. The life I chose cost me my marriage, but serving my country is serving my family. I do it to keep Israel safe, to keep them safe and have accepted the personal cost, but good things have come out of it too. I travel the world and meet extraordinary people like yourself."

"I wonder if the choices I've made have hurt more than they've helped. I've made a lot of sacrifices and become someone I don't recognize sometimes."

"Don't second guess you decisions, you've done your job with more integrity than most and at great cost and there's no shame in retiring, most of us don't last past 40 in the field."

Annie thinks about what he has said. "How have you lasted so long, I mean do you plan on leaving it all behind one day?"

"If a certain someone had joined me on my yacht, I might be retired right now."

Annie smiles, "Timing is everything, I am learning just how true that statement is these days."

"Annie, you would make a wonderful mother."

"I'm a great aunt, but a mother, I don't know. I'm almost done in the kitchen, there 's just a bit more in the bedroom and bathroom."

"You sell yourself short Annie. You're protective of those you love, you would do anything even at a great cost to your personal well-being and happiness to serve your country and help your friends. What do you think mothers do?"

Annie is filling up a box with McQuaid's things in the bedroom, his boxers, lounge pants, a Navy t-shirt, a toiletry kit, his gloves for their workout sessions, the bottle of Patron he brought over and a pair of sunglasses.

"Let's keep that bottle," says Eyal with a sly smile.

Annie smiles, "Sure, but guess you won't have company to drink it."

"That's all right, I can handle drinking it fine on my own, how about we head home and get comfy on the couch with a movie. Let's see how Hollywood portrays us spies."

"That sounds great" calls Annie from the bedroom.

Just then there's a knock on Annie's apartment door. McQuaid is right outside.

Annie shouts out to Eyal, as she heads to the door. It might be the building manager to collect the keys and inspect the apartment. "There are two sealed boxes in the bedroom and a suitcase, maybe just one or two more boxes to go." When Annie opens the door and sees McQuaid holding a bouquet of hydrangeas and a letter, she's extremely annoyed.

"Son-of-a-", says Annie. "Really? Do I need to take out a restraining order on you? That would look really good for the CEO of a military contractor you know."

Ryan smiles, he's so happy to see her. "Annie I just wanted to. . . I didn't think you'd be there, but I just wanted to leave this letter for you, then I saw the light on. Since you won't talk to me I wrote down everything I wanted to say." He holds out the letter to her. She refuses his letter.

"I don't want it, there's nothing you can say or write that's going to help the situation."

Eyal is in the bedroom packing up when he hears raised voices. He recognizes one as McQuaid's. Eyal emerges from the bedroom with the box of Ryan's things and says, "Ah, since you are here, you saved me a trip to deliver this to you" he hands Ryan his box with his things. McQuaid looks at the box contents and says, "You again. Are you going to introduce me to your watch dog?" Truthfully McQuaid already knew who the man was and he wondered why the Israeli was still in Annie's company.

Annie, says, "You are insufferable and you're wasting my time and yours. Take your things and leave."

"Where are you going?" asks Ryan. Annie simply looks flustered. "Where I go, who I'm with, what I do, is no longer your concern."

Eyal says to McQuaid, "Come on, lover boy, you can at least help me carry a few boxes down to the car." Annie gives Eyal a tired look, "Really? You're going to take help from him?"

Eyal purposely goes over to Annie and whispers in her ear to make McQuaid jealous "I won't refuse free labor, besides it will get him out of here and we can be on our merry way."

"Can you handle these two boxes?" McQuaid just wants to continue to be in her presence, so he walks over and picks up the boxes and smiles at Annie as he walks past her, he looks in the bedroom and then says to her, "I have good memories here Annie."

"Hey, don't push it buddy" says Eyal to McQuaid.

Eyal says to Annie "Don't worry, I'll send him on his way, don't lift anything while I'm gone." The two men walk out.

As they ride in the elevator Eyal says to Ryan, "Look, a little advice,"

"The last thing I need is advice from you. What are you still doing here with her anyway?"

"Jealous much? Annie is a dear friend and she needs someone right now. That someone could have been you if you hadn't been such an ass. If you want her back, you're going to need to give her some space. She'll come around, but she needs time."

"How well do you know Annie?"

"Met her when she first started at the CIA, so it's been about six or seven years and quite a few missions. Over the years we've gotten to know each other very well," says Eyal with a wink. He's enjoying toying around with McQuaid.

"And you really need to stop following her, she is too preoccupied to notice, but you're not very smart if you think that's the way back into her good graces. Sooner or later she won't be so distracted and she'll notice. Then it really will be game over for you. So, give her some space."

They have reached the ground and exit the building walking to Annie's Range Rover. McQuaid's face turns serious. "What are you talking about? I'm not having her followed. I was threatened with losing all my CIA contracts if I was found to be following any CIA operative. The CIA was supposed to keep a protective detail on her. I heard she refused, but I was assured she'd be safe."

"If you're not keeping watch, how did you know she'd be here?"

I didn't, I came by to drop off the flowers and a letter. I figured she'd have to return here eventually to gather her things. I knew her lease was up."

Both men grow wary. As they load the car, Eyal suddenly sees a black van around the corner, idling. Eyal brows furrow. McQuaid says with worry, "Who did you think was following her? What did he look like?"

"Typical black Mercedes sedan, darkened windows. Followed us to the doctor's office, then out of the doctor's office and back to my apartment this morning. Let's get back upstairs." He nods his head towards the black van. McQuaid's eyes follow and are filled with dread.

Suddenly they hear the sound of broken glass from above.

"Annie!" both men shouted in unison as they run back into the building. You take the main stairwell, I'll take the one down the hall.

Both men run back up to Annie's apartment and hear shots fired. They find Annie down near the window covered in broken class. "They went down the fire escape," says an out of breath Annie.

"Annie! Are you all right?" asks Ryan.

"I'm fine, get after them! There are two of them. Eyal, they were speaking Arabic and said, 'Where's the Jew?' They were looking for you, not me."

Eyal says "Stay here in your condition, you shouldn't". Ryan looks at Annie and Eyal. Annie says, "Fat chance! I'll take the main stairwell and head out front, you take the garage exit McQuaid, you know the way. Eyal says he'll take the fire exit."

She grabs her gun, the one McQuaid gave her when she returned. She passes an extra one she had to Eyal who wasn't carrying a weapon. They are all off. Eyal takes off in the direction of the fire exit. We saw a black van around the corner, I'll check it out. They are all in pursuit heading down their assigned paths.

As Annie hits the street, she sees the two men grab Eyal and drag him towards the black van. They screech off just as Annie sees them, the men shout for Annie to stay back while one holds a gun to Eyal's head. Eyal then says "Sorry we won't make that date at the Parchment" as the men punch him and shove him into the black van. Annie takes down the plates and shoots at the van as they drive away. Suddenly McQuaid drives up from the building garage in his Range Rover. He brings the car to an abrupt stop and says, "Get in Walker!" Annie gets in and they pursue the van.

"Some company you've been keeping Walker. What was that? Now do you believe me? Now do you believe your life is in danger?"

Annie yells angrily, "They weren't after me, they had me ambushed and unaware upstairs, they could have killed me or taken me then and here I am. They were after Eyal."

"Did you see them?"

"Yeah, they pretended to be delivery men. When they saw me they asked for the man of the house. They spoke Arabic to each other, not knowing I understood them. They were looking for Eyal and now they have him," said Annie with worry. She digs through her pockets for her phone. She needs to get help ASAP and Auggie was the first to pop in her head for help.


	14. Chapter 14: Hot Pursuit

++++Here's another chapter with Ryan and Auggie chiming in. Hope you enjoy it, can't wait for tonight's episode to see the two interact. Going to be fun!

As McQuaid's decked out black Range Rover speeds after the van that held Eyal, Annie frantically dials Auggie's cell. Her breathing becomes more rapid with each ring as her mind races through what could happen to Eyal if she couldn't get to him in time. Her call goes voicemail and Annie tries to contain the panic that is growing by replaying the events of the last few minutes. Everything happened so fast, what was all of this about?

McQuaid looks over to Annie, he has only recently seen her unravel like this. The first time was because of him and the discovery that he had been having her watched since they met. The Annie he knew was a woman with a tough exterior who was always ready for action and surefooted. She was a woman of conviction and uncommon courage, he loved her quick wit and the mystery that lay beneath the surface. Even in her weakest moments when she dealt with her episodes, she was always focused. But before him, he was witnessing her at a loss and uncertain and it made him want to help her.

"When we were packing up Eyal told me you were being followed, he thought it was my doing. My instincts were right you know. You are in danger," says Ryan.

"What? Why didn't he tell me if I was being followed?" shouts Annie while trying to redial Auggie.

"I suspect he didn't want to upset you. And by the way, what did he mean when he said you should stay back in your condition?"

Annie redials Auggie. Again voicemail. "Damn it, he's not picking up."

"Did you try his desk?"

Annie looks over worried, "I've tried all his numbers."

Annie is thinking out loud. "Who would want him and on America soil? Who knows he's here besides the CIA and Mossad? He travels here under an alias. He wasn't supposed to be here after his debrief. UGH, this is all my fault (as her voice cracks) I need to get to him before. . . "

"Look, don't worry about the guy, if what I've been reading is true, the man is tough as nails, he will manage on his own for a bit."

Annie glares at Ryan, incredulous.

"Come on Annie. Remember, I thought you were in danger. I needed to make sure the people around you were not there to harm you and this guy, he's done some questionable things."

"What and you haven't?" barks Annie. "I wouldn't be sitting here now if it weren't for Eyal. Did your files say anything about that? I owe him at least five times for saving my ass and I'm not going to let anything happen to him."

"We'll get to him, I'm here with you."

Annie grows annoyed at McQuaid's driving. All her anger towards him is harnessed and she starts a tirade as she redials Auggie's desk. One last try and Auggie picks up as he hears Annie yelling at McQuaid.

"I should be driving, you should stick to water, your offensive driving isn't worth a dime. We're more than five cars behind them. Shit, we're not going to make the next light!"

"Annie, what the hell is going on? Looks like I've gotten a deluge of calls from you." says Auggie.

"My driving is fine, you just get us some intel and let me worry about the driving," retorts McQuaid.

Auggie recognizes the voice as Annie has put him on speaker.

"Auggie, finally, you're there"

"I've been in a meeting, what's this about."

"I know you don't owe me anything and I don't have a lot of time to explain, but I need your help, it's life or death. Can you run a plate for me and get all the info you can on who may be after Eyal?"

Auggie sighs and shouts for Barber to come to his desk, then he says to Annie, "Give me the plate."

"Charlie-Echo-4-7-5-6. Any known terrorists in town who may be after a Mossad agent? Do you know if Mossad happens to be running any ops here in DC? Did Eyal say anything to you or act strangely when he was at Langley earlier? There were two men of Arab descent, they spoke Arabic and were specifically after Eyal."

"Annie slow down, I'm running the plates, stolen two days ago from a catering service, looks like they had it painted, says here, the van was white. Eyal was scheduled to return to Israel after his debrief. What is he doing here still?"

Annie is taking deep breaths and trying not to lose it, "Well, he's not on a plane, he's in the back of a van going God knows where. Please Auggie, can you have Joan contact Rivka and see if you can find out what other reason Eyal had to be in town. He told me it was only to debrief Turkey and you know what I believe him. He had no reason to lie. As far as I know he wasn't on a mission, we've been together and he never left for a phone call or anything."

McQuaid looks at her, he feels some pangs of jealousy, Annie was vulnerable because of him and she was spending time with a man who had a long history with her and had her complete trust. Annie notices his gaze on her.

"Stop looking at me, and focus on the road, get us closer dammit!" yells Annie to McQuaid.

"Wait, what are you doing now? Sounds like. . ."

"We're in pursuit of the van . . . heading towards the Key Bridge."

"We huh?" though Auggie had already recognized the man's voice.

"I'm with McQuaid. He showed up at the apartment while Eyal and I were packing up my things." Auggie is hurt, he didn't even know she was changing safe houses, he didn't even know where her safe house was located. "Annie you have to stop and wait for back up. What do you plan on doing if you do catch up to the van, you have no idea how many of them there are and you know the kind of heat we'll get if this goes pear-shaped."

"Really Auggie, you're going to be a suit about this? He's your friend too or have you forgotten everything he's done for me, for us?"

"Shit, McQuaid, your driving sucks. Get in the left lane."

"I am a great driver! If you would just shut up and let me focus on the road, we'll catch up."

"You stop talking and show me that great driving," yells Annie sarcastically.

Auggie comes back online and says he's sending back up in their direction.

"What did he mean when he said, you not should pursue in your condition?" asks Ryan.

"Wait, what condition, you said you were going to have that surgery during your time off, has something changed?" says Auggie who is still on speaker.

"Yeah, my friend has been abducted, surgery is the last thing on my mind. I need the both of you to focus on Eyal NOT me."

"What did the doctor say today?" asks Ryan as he continues to drive fiercely. He then sees her sleeve and the blood coming through it. The incision for her biopsy is bleeding. "What's that? Were you were grazed back at the apartment?" asks Ryan with alarm.

Auggie chimes in. "What, you didn't say anything about shots fired Walker!"

Annie looks down and sees the blood, "I'm fine, it's nothing. I wasn't shot."

"Then what is that blood from?" demands McQuaid.

"Annie, I want to know too. You can't help Eyal if you're hurt."

"Will you both just focus on Eyal?!"

"Ok, if someone was at your place. We need to get a sweep team there ASAP before DC Metro gets there and we need to figure out how they found your safehouse." says Auggie.

"Well, that would the second time this week, my apartment has been swept by Langley," says Annie sarcastically.

Annie has been continuously replaying the day's events as they argue, her mind is that of a seasoned spy accustomed to juggling multiple events. She remembers something. "Everything happened so fast, wait Auggie, I just remembered something, Eyal made reference to "The Parchment" right before he was taken. Can you look into whether there a Mossad op or any target with that name?"

"Barber and I will look into it," responds Auggie.

"It's not nothing, if you're bleeding," says Ryan as he reaches over and touches Annie's arm. Annie swats him away hard, causing him to swerve a bit.

"Just focus on your job McQuaid because you're doing a piss poor one. Eyes on the road, you're falling behind. God damn it, I should be the one driving."

"Auggie, he has a son, did you know that?" says Annie with a lump in her throat and a crack in her voice. "We need to get to him. I need to get to Eyal back home to his son. The men were speaking Arabic, they referred to him with a derogatory term for Jews. I'm afraid they plan on killing him."

For a rival spy to have revealed his personal information to Annie indicates to Auggie and McQuaid just how tender a relationship Annie and Eyal have. At the Farm, operatives are told to never reveal anything personal, even to allies for fear that it could be used against them.

"We're going to find him. I'll call in a team and see what we can find here. Be careful. Call you as soon as I have any info, I'm going to dial out now and don't kill McQuaid before we help Eyal." says Auggie.

Annie ends the call with Auggie. Auggie gets to work looking into Eyal's movements and missions and potential enemies in DC. He calls in Joan, she's not going to like being called back in after getting home to Mac, but this was important.

"Walker, what are you not telling me? What happened at your appointment with the cardiologist?" asks Ryan as soon as Annie ends the call. He sees that she is upset about Eyal. "We'll get to him. I'm here to help."

"Shut up and focus on catching up. Seriously, driving is not a Navy man's strength. SEAL, Sea, Air, Land? Well, land is last for a reason. Gun it into the left lane."

"That's a crazy move even for you Walker, this is DC not the streets of Venezuela."

McQuaid felt sorry that Eyal had been captured, but he was grateful that Annie was safe and with him. He shuddered to think of what could have happened to her back at her apartment remembering the feeling of dread when he saw her lying there on a pile of shattered glass. He would gladly take the barrage of insults she was throwing his way. She was talking to him albeit yelling and berating him for his driving. It felt like old times when they first met and butted heads. He had to admit he loved running missions with her.

They finally catch up to the van at the waterfront, but the men had a head start since they were stuck at a light. Annie hops out and runs after the men dragging Eyal to a speed boat off in the distance. Annie is not able to catch up before the boat leaves the dock, she's out of breath and fires shots at the boat, she thinks she hit one of the men before he went overboard, shoved with Eyal's help though his hands were bound. She sees Eyal looking at her before being pushed down. McQuaid catches up to her, she yells, "EYAL!" They watch the boat speeding away. Annie is distraught and angry.

"They were too far away, there's nothing we can do. I will call in a description of the boat and keep an eye out." Out of breath Annie says, "I need to get to him. I need to help him." She's taking off her shoes and jacket, "What the hell are you doing?" shouts McQuaid.

"I shot one of them and he's overboard, I'm going in to get him to shore."

"Yeah, but not at your own expense, you are out of breath, you're going to need your meds. Where are they?"

Annie is shouting full force, "I don't have any on me and I can't let that man out there drown, he's all I have to go on."

Ryan yells back, "Dammit it Walker, you have to stop taking unnecessary risks with your health, you know how cold that water is, not to mention how there's little visibility this time of night," as he starts to undress. "You stay, I"ll go in."

"You're too slow." Annie jumps into the Potomac. McQuaid is muttering curses under his breath as he jumps in after her just as Auggie's back up arrives.

Annie and McQuaid manage to get to the man in the river, he's been shot by Annie and has taken in some water. McQuaid swims back to shore with him and then drags him to shore where an out of breath Annie provides CPR on him. He comes to and she asks him in Arabic, "what do you want with him?"

"You'll never see him alive again," says the man. Annie hits him with two strong blows. "Where are you taking him?" She's out of breath and McQuaid is worried for her and for the man. He drags her off of the man.

The CIA team is on the scene, McQuaid tells them the description of the boat as he pulls an angry Annie off the man. "Come on, let the CIA handle him. They'll get the intel from him." Annie is shivering and shaking. McQuaid leads her to the and gets a blanket around her shoulders. He's freezing too, but his NAVY SEAL training prepared him for cold waters and long swims, he figured Annie wasn't so prepared, but she still managed to get to the man and helped him drag him to shore. Her actions and her physical strength never ceased to amaze him. She probably would have survived Hell Week and become a SEAL. He insists that she get checked out. An EMT gives Annie some oxygen and takes her pulse. "Miss, you need to stay still. You're pulse very erratic."

"I'm fine."

"She needs nitrate meds. She has myocarditis," says Ryan.

Annie shoots a glare at McQuaid, "I'm just trying to catch my breath, I'll fine in a couple of minutes."

"You are clearly not fine Walker."

She's emotional and feels the weight of needing to save Eyal, she can't hold back her fear and anxiety. McQuaid embraces her to say, "We'll find him, but I need you to put yourself first for once, please." After a long minute, she realizes where she is, back in his arms, and pushes him off. "I need to get to work, I'm going to find him."

She thinks about Eyal's last words to her and makes a connection. She looks at McQuaid and dials Auggie.


	15. Chapter 15: The Parchment

Auggie picks up and launches into a report immediately, "Good work Walker, the man you shot and beat up has been treated. He is being transported to a CIA detention facility for questioning. We'll get answers soon. How are you doing?"

"Stop asking. I expect you of all people to get it Auggie, I'm not disabled, stop treating me like I need to be babied. I want to question him myself."

Auggie completely understands, but he's still hurt, he has always cared for Annie despite the recent rocky road in their relationship. "Ok, got it loud and clear," says Auggie with a deep annoyed sigh.

"What else you got?"

"Joan is talking to Rivka as we speak and she'll be doing the questioning of our friendly kidnapper. Your apartment is being swept and we've contained the DC police and FBI for now. Your old friend Rossabi is not going to relent though, as soon as he saw that Eyal Levin was involved, he perked up."

"Auggie, I can't believe I didn't make the connection earlier. The Parchment, it's a bar I mentioned to Eyal years ago when he was here to pursue a target, the Cardinal. Remember the Cardinal? Eyal doesn't do anything without deliberation, he said specifically said the Parchment to me as a clue, we weren't heading over there tonight. We were supposed to stay in and watch a movie. There was no reason for him to mention it other than to send me a message. This has something to do with the Cardinal I am sure of it Auggie. We might actually need Rossabi for this since he was involved in that case."

"The Cardinal? Saeed? Eyal took him out. That gives me more to go on. Will you be okay in the meantime? I know you're not disabled, I just care, can't shut that off."

"I won't be okay until I get Eyal on a plane back to his son, don't worry about me, focus on Eyal, please." says Annie before she hangs up. McQuaid hears the entire conversation, he's trying to formulate a plan too.

"What next Walker?"

"I need to get to Langley," says Annie to Ryan.

"I'll drive," says McQuaid.

"No, I'll be fine on my own. You've done enough, this isn't your fight."

"With what car? I have a car and I'm here, you can't let your hatred for me cloud your judgment. Let me drive you to Langley. Use me," says McQuaid with a wink.

Annie lets the words sink in, hatred, he thinks she hates him. She's numb, she's hurt, the pit in her stomach that develops each time she thinks about how he lied to her is indescribable, but mostly she is sad and scared for the future. She pushed thoughts about the baby aside, she had a mission to complete, she had to get Eyal and on a plane back home to Avi.

"Let's go then," says Annie.

"So, tell me more about The Parchment and this Saeed character. I'll see what I can find out," says Ryan as they approach his car.

"It wasn't a Mossad mission, Eyal was here on his own to take down Saeed for killing his sister."

Annie takes out her phone and dials Rossabi.

Rossabi picks up, "Is this call coming in from hell? I was a little sad upon hearing that you were dead and here you are, going to be a pain in my ass again aren't you?"

"Yeah, I've been to hell and back. We're after the same thing here and I have no interest in a turf war, just in getting Eyal Levin back safely. Remember the case from a few years back? We have reason to believe there is a link. Have you had any flags on Fouad Saeed's known associates?"

"No, none. That case blew apart months of work for me Walker and I had to clean up a car bomb and shoot out at a hotel."

"Then you have nothing to offer me. Thanks Rossabi."

Annie hangs up and hits the car window with her right hand.

"Hey, are you okay?" asks a concerned Ryan.

"Will you stop asking me that? You and Auggie both! No, the answer is no, I'm not okay. I'm not okay sitting next to you and accepting help from you right now, but I have no choice. I'm not okay with my friend being possibly tortured and not knowing how to get to him. God dammit!" shouts Annie.

"You once said to me that if I needed a second to lose my shit, I could have it, well you are allowed to lose your shit too, but then I need you to focus," Ryan reminded Annie of the moment they shared together at his safe house when she was there for him. She looks over at him, "Don't talk about us or the past like the last few days didn't happen. Can you drive any slower?"

McQuaid rolls his eyes and they drive the rest of the way in silence.

Ryan and Annie arrive at Langley. Joan and Auggie are looking into the Cardinal and his links to the DC area. Joan says, they can't do anything with their intel since it involves a foreign operative. They have to wait for Mossad support to arrive. Rivka has sent help and they are on their way.

Annie is livid. "That's going to take at least fourteen effing hours Joan! You and I both know Eyal has an hour or two if he's lucky and they've already had him for about 30 minutes!"

"This involves a foreign operative who was called here by the CIA to answer questions about a CIA operation." Annie continues, "There's no way I am going to do nothing while Eyal is held captive. You know we have limited time before he is lost forever. He has risked his life for me and for this agency, he's proven himself and we owe him. I owe him for saving me at least five times! He only stayed in D.C. because of me," says Annie as her voice breaks up.

"What do we have on the man we fished out of the Potomac?" asks Ryan as he looks at Annie with concern.

"He's not talking and he's not in great shape. He might not make it. But he arrived here in the states with Eyal on the same flight from Jerusalem. Looks like he had been tailing him. He's just a kid from Palestine."

Annie puts her head in her hands. She's starting to feel hopeless and looks pale. She feels nauseous. She needs a minute, she takes deep breaths as she faces away from Joan and McQuaid.

Joan says while looking over at McQuaid, "Are you okay?"

Annie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine," replies Annie dryly.

Joan continues, "I understand how you feel, I know your feelings for Eyal and your shared history. Here's what we do have. The Cardinal had a younger brother here in the states, he was ferreted out of Palestine at an early age, his family wanted to have at least one son safe in America, one who was shielded from the conflict and violence back home. He spent years under an alias and went to posh boarding schools along the East Coast, he is currently studying at Georgetown under the name, Amir Ramzi. Auggie will give you his phone and credit card and internet search records."

Annie whispers, "Revenge, it's a deadly cycle. There has to be room for forgiveness to end it."

Ryan says, "What was that?" He heard the word forgiveness and wanted to probe Annie on it.

"Just something Eyal said to me recently about revenge. We were talking about the need for forgiveness."

"Joan, thanks. It means something to me that you'd give me this intel, am I reading too much into it?"

"No, but remember, the CIA is not to get involved understood?"

"Loud and clear," says Annie and extends her hand to Joan. "We'll wait until Mossad has their people on the ground."

Annie understood what Joan was doing. She was giving Annie the intel and tacit permission to go rescue Eyal.

"I know how much you care for him and him for you, I saw that today during his debrief. It's good to have trusted friends out there and you made a good one in him and him in you. He's going to get out of this," says Joan.

"He's a father and he has a son. He's saved me so many times, I owe him, and even if I didn't he's my friend. I need to get him back to Israel for his son's soccer game."

McQuaid notes that while Annie has always worked alone, he's gathered that she has worked very well with this Eyal character. He can tell she cares for him. He says, he will help. "If the CIA can't officially back you, I will."

"Really?" Annie looks at him surprised.

"I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for you," says McQuaid with a smile.

Joan says, "I can't be part of this conversation, do what you need to do, but keep me out of it. I have fresh clothes I keep in the office, I'll get them for you Annie."

Annie looks at Joan and walks over to her to give her a hug.


	16. Chapter 16: Deadly Cycle of Revenge

Revenge rears it's ugly head, it's a theme that will come up again. Enjoy!

Annie is grateful for McQuaid's support because she can't save Eyal without it. At the same time she is completely distrustful of his intentions. She knows he is helping her in hopes of being close to her. She is fully aware that she is using him to complete her mission, reminding her of what Eyal once said to her about using each other. It wasn't a matter of trust between them as two spies from competing agencies with competing agendas, it was a matter of whether they could use each other to complete their missions. It was easier said than done because she had once fully trusted him, they had been through quite a bit in the field and now the only way she knows how to act around him is with annoyance and anger.

Auggie was along to help with tech support, he's officially off the clock at Langley. Auggie felt he owed Eyal too for and it wasn't easy to convince Joan to let him tag along, but she relented.

Agent Rossabi alternates between calling Auggie and Annie non-stop. He has a lot of questions for both of them. The CIA had no business running any op in DC. He wasn't going to let the CIA step all over him again.

Annie takes the phone from Auggie and tells Rossabi, "We'll call you when we have something and this isn't a CIA op."

"That's bullshit Walker."

"Stop calling, we don't have time for it, we'll call you when you're needed."

Auggie, McQuaid and Annie drive over to McQuaid Securities to gather equipment, study their surveillance and intel. They had learned through Joan's intel that Eyal was taken by the brother of the man Eyal killed for planning the attack on the kibbutz that killed Eyal's sister Sarah.

"You have my full support, tell us what you know," say McQuaid.

"No strings?"

"No strings."

Annie fills them in on the way about Eyal's quest for vengeance.

Ryan learns how far back she goes with Eyal and develops a picture of how close she was to Eyal from all the personal knowledge she has of him. "Eyal had tracked down the Cardinal, aka Fouad Saeed four years ago right here in DC. He posed as a CIA operative and crashed an FBI investigation."

"Because of her prior relationship with Lavin, Joan had Annie keep tabs on him once we found out he was in DC. Eyal and Annie followed the FBI informant and things got messy, the FBI was pissed, then Eyal was ordered by to Israel," says Auggie.

"Like today he didn't get on the plane when he should have. Funny how life boils down to these decisions. We learned that the real reason Eyal was here was personal, he wasn't after a rogue Mossad agent, he was after his sister's killer, a Yemeni hitman known as The Cardinal. I found him at the hotel where he was staying and tried to talk him out of what I knew he was determined to do. I thought I could. I managed to immobilize Eyal in his room, but then saw the Cardinal in the hotel lobby. He wanted to beat Eyal to killing him, so there was a shoot out. I can't believe I didn't even carry a gun back then. Eyal killed the Cardinal, but also sustained a gunshot wound. The CIA and Mossad covered up the op from Rossabi and the FBI. I'm sure Mossad threw him party when he got home. Taking down the Cardinal didn't give Eyal the peace he was looking for and here we are now."

Annie starred out the window at the DC night sky, the Washington monument was in the distance. She was transported to that night with Eyal, she took him up on his invitation up to his room and improvised to save him from making a huge mistake. How she wished now she had succeeded and they wouldn't be here today. There'd be no killing to avenge. She hoped he would be at the Parchment to share a sazerac with her afterwards, he always seemed to know where she was. She wanted to check in with him, see how he was doing, but it never happened. She didn't see him for another year until she went to Israel on an assignment. Annie was brought back to a time when she wanted something to happen with Eyal, but he was in a dark place then and she was looking for nothing serious. Recently he was more hopeful and talked of the Talmud and forgiveness. Just as he had watched her evolve into a hardened operative, she watched him soften as a man over the years. Their paths converged in good ways and bad.

Auggie continues to fill Annie's pause "It turns out the Cardinal's younger brother hatched a plan to avenge his brother's death even though he lived a life similar to that of any American kid. He was waiting for a moment when Eyal left Israel and since he was heading here to the states, he found his opportunity and seized it. This plan came together in just two days, so we can count on the fact that they acted hastily and made mistakes."

Annie still can't believe this was all a part of a cycle of revenge and retribution. Eyal wanted to avenge his sister's death so he took out Fouad Saeed, Fouad Saeed's brother Tariq Saeed wanted to take out Eyal, and what was next?

They jostle over who will take point on the mission, both Auggie and McQuaid giving different suggestions of how to move forward. They have Dex and Fitz helping as well. McQuaid's men knew well enough to stay out of Ryan's way. Annie takes the reins and says, "Stop it, this is my op."

Eyal woke in a dark and dank basement. He had kept tabs on all of Saeed's family since he killed him, so when he heard the men who took him say the name Saeed, he knew immediately what all of this was about. He hoped Annie got his message and understood what he meant. He looked around to gather his senses and formulate a plan. He didn't see Saeed during transport, just his men. There were two at Annie's and two on the boat. One of them went overboard.

Eyal hoped he survived and Annie was shaking him down. As for what was next, he knew he didn't have much time. He tried to get to his belt, they hadn't removed it from his person. His belt hid lock picks and a piano wire. They were amateurs. Clearly, these boys were not well trained.

As Eyal tried to get to the tools hidden in his belt, he thought about how he didn't find the peace he desired after he killed The Cardinal. He still missed his sister terribly, his mother still mourned for her was often difficult to bear so he joined the Mossad for Sarah and for his mother. The bombings and hatred on both sides continued in the Middle East. He had come to accept that the cycle had to be broken and could only be broken with letting go. He was going to do his best to not kill these people.

"Okay, we what do we know about his movements and spending habits in the last week or two?"

With Auggie's help they figure out where Eyal is being held through studying financial records of Fouad's younger brother who was going by the name Amir Ramzi. He rented a farmhouse just two days ago in the Virginia countryside. They study the blueprints of the farmhouse and satellite footage McQuaid was able to obtain. They devise a plan to rescue Eyal.

Everyone is looking at the intel and maps.

Annie takes charge. "We're going to get close and confirm how many men there are. According to the satellite photos, there are only four at the house, assuming Eyal is one of them. We need a heli to get close quickly. Here's an open field at the adjacent property, then we'll go on foot to get near the house. Do you have flash grenades? "

"No let's land at this airstrip just three miles from the farmhouse. I've flown there before and know there are cars there we can use. A heli next door may alert them. Then we'll drive over and reconnoiter at the adjacent property. Satellite doesn't pick up anyone there."

"Doesn't give us much time the, let's gear up and head out in 10. By the time we get there, they will have had Eyal for over an hour and time's not on our side folks!"

"Annie, stay back with Auggie. My guys and I can handle it from here. You're not trained to be on the ground like this, it's a different beast from being an covert operative who gathers intelligence."

Annie is livid. "You don't know all there is to know about me, while I may not have been in combat situations, I've been front and center in plenty of dangerous missions and you know I have no problem pulling the trigger. I'm running point and we're not talking about my health, in fact, we're not talking about anything unless it's mission critical."

It's a full blown argument and Ryan fires back. "This isn't just about your health, this is about your lack of training for something of this magnitude, we're going into the unknown. My men and I have been trained in special ops, counterterrorism and hostage rescue. This is what I do Walker, this is how I started. I have a say because you're using my resources and I don't want an untrained and emotionally involved unknown on my team."

"So there are strings attached." Auggie steps in to say, "Cool it, you two, let's focus on Eyal's safe return. Annie gets to go, she's a big girl McQuaid and I've known her a lot longer than you have, I can say Walker has the balls and skills to hack it out there."

"Anderson, you have to think of her health."

"Yeah, I think it's _her_ health and _her_ decision."

Ryan is talking to Auggie and Annie. "Auggie, I support Annie and giving her all the resources she needs for a mission, but she looks in bad shape. You can't see it, but Annie, I've never seen you look this pale and back at the dock, you had an episode. I know you don't want to admit it."

"Annie is this true?" asks Auggie.

Annie thinks about it.

"We're done with this little debate, wheels up in eight minutes people."

Ryan is pissed, Annie walks away from him and heads to the bathroom. On the way, Annie, tells Auggie, "Thanks for your support."

"Annie, was McQuaid right? Did you have an episode earlier?"

"I ran after Eyal's captive and jumped into the Potomac to drag a man out, I was just out of breath. Didn't even need my meds."

"Why do I get the feeling, you're not telling me everything Annie?"

"Auggie, I need to use the restroom. Thanks for your spport. We will see you in hopefully less than an hour with Eyal."

Just before they leave to board the plane, Annie goes to McQuaid. He's hopeful when she approaches him, helping rescue Eyal maybe just get him to a spot where she trusts him. Annie says, "I do need to talk."

Ryan smiles, he's filled with hope thinking she is finally ready to listen to him. "I'm glad you're ready to hear me out. Want to co-pilot? We have a 20 minute ride to talk."

"What? That's not why I'm here. Who here knows?" demands Annie.

"Knows what?" asks Ryan.

Annie rolls her eyes, completely impatient. "About your voyeurism, who has been party to seeing me, bet you and your boys had some laughs watching your video feeds."

"Annie, that's not what it was, is that what you think of me? Is that what you think I'd do?" he chuckles. "Guess you don't really know me and I want to remedy that."

Annie speaks in angry hushed tone to avoid others hearing "This is serious, it's not funny to me, you know how it feels to know that your supposed boyfriend was filming you and that the men around you have seen you naked, seen intimate things? Violated doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I trusted you, so answer my question." Annie starts to get emotional and tears up. Damn pregnancy hormones.

McQuaid feels horrible, he hadn't looked at it from that perspective and couldn't beleive she thought he got off on watching her. "I'm sorry Annie, I didn't realize, I wasn't thinking about how. . ." he catches sight of her bloody sleeve, "Can I clean that up for you? It's from your procedure isn't it? I looked up the procedure and looks like they took the biopsy from there? It reopened? Can you at least tell me what the doctor said?"

"Don't change the subject, I can get to it myself. Yeah, you weren't thinking. I can't work with your men who've seen me or know about your little side project."

"None of them saw anything. I had someone put in the cameras, but the feed went to me and only me. I never showed anyone any footage. Have a seat. Please." Ryan gets his first aid kit. "I'm truly sorry and I will spend the rest of my days showing you how much I care about you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I only had your protection in mind."

"I can get Auggie to do it. Don't touch me."

"Really? You're so stubborn, this is what I mean, we can't go in together. Auggie, looks busy setting up his comms over there, I'm right here and no offense, but the man's blind."

Annie looks over to Auggie and shouts across the room "Auggie, can you spare a minute to help me change a bandage?" Annie gets up. "Unless it's mission critical, stop talking to me."

Ryan sighs and gets back to finishing getting his gear on nearby.

Auggie is helping Annie remove her bandage, the blood has dried causing the gauze to stick to Annie's skin. Despite his blindness, Auggie is very skilled and he manages to clean Annie's incision and reapply a fresh bandage. "Remember he's trained by Mossad and IDF, and with Kidon. If I met him in a dark alley, I'd be afraid. He's going to be okay."

"What scares me is that I don't know that. I don't know if he will be ok, if we will get to him in time. I just keep thinking about how his son is expecting him to be at his game and how Eyal was so proud when he told me about Avi's team being in the finals. I need to get him back to his son. Not just because I owe him, but because he deserves to be happy after the life he's had. I want that for him."

"You care a lot about him?" She was the kind of friend who would give her all to protect and help those she loved. Auggie of all people knew that, she had gone to bat for him numerous times, Eritrea, with Henry and Belenko.

"You know I care for him. We've been at odds at times, but regardless we've always worked well together. He's probably the only friend I have left." She laughs. "We're on different sides of the planet, I see him once or twice a year and he's the closest friend I have."

"You will always have me Walker, regardless of our storied history, I will always be your friend."

"Thanks Auggie. I need a friend that's for sure."

"Allen's with Eyal after this is over?"

"How about the Parchment instead? I feel like I've outgrown Allen's."

"You got it!"

McQuaid listened to their exchange as he geared up and was filled with regret.


	17. Chapter 17: Bittersweet Reunion

For those of you waiting for the moment Ryan finds out Annie is pregnant, it's here, end of the chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 16**

The tact team consisted of McQuaid, Fitz, Jim and Annie. McQuaid still isn't happy that Annie is joining them. He and the guys are all former Navy SEALS. They've trained and worked together for years. SEALS train with live rounds and are able to handle any surprises. They can go into situations and utter few words yet understand what to do through hand signals and gestures. He is worried that adding Annie to the mix is a huge mistake. Of course he believed in her abilities in the field, but he was worried about her and her attachment to Eyal could prove to be a huge disadvantage on a mission like this one.

Auggie is handling communication from McQuaid Security with Dex and monitoring satellite images after McQuaid called in a favor and commandeered a satellite. He's also listening in on the FBI and local police. He was to call in Rossabi's team right after they extracted Eyal.

When they arrive at the abandoned farmhouse in the Virginia countryside, McQuaid says there is no need for Annie to go in, he and his men can handle it. He tries fruitlessly once more and says he wants her to stay outside and relay intelligence from there. Annie looks him straight in the eye and says with certainty, "I'm going in, end of discussion." Annie and McQuaid look at each other before they storm the barn. He says with a sigh knowing he lost this battle, "Be careful. I hope we can talk after this is over."

"I can't think about anything else but Eyal. Thanks for all of this."

"I said it before, not doing this for him, I'm doing it for you."

"If we get Eyal out safely, we can have that talk."

"I'm more than motivated Walker, that's music to my ears, all right men _and _ma'am, let's rock and roll!"

Eyal had managed to get his lock pick out of his belt before he heard voices. Looks like it was show time. He managed to loosen his handcuffs, but remained in his position. He didn't have time to gain the element of surprise and he knew he needed it. When the door opened, in walked a clean shaven young man who looked like he came out of a catalog. He had his men stand Eyal up and hook his cuffs so that his arms were suspended above him.

"And I finally get to meet the man who killed my brother."

"And I get to meet the brother of the man who killed my sister."

"So, you think that makes us even?," asked Tariq Saeed, his real name.

"There's never an even, we're the same in that we both lost sibings, people we loved. You're a boy, what are you doing? Your family gave you a gift of life away from the fighting. Don't do this."

"I never asked for that gift. I want to be part of the war to take back the land that is rightfully ours. I will prove it to my family. I am sure my father and elder brothers would allow me back to fight alongside them when I come with your head," said the boy coldly.

"Oh, so you mean to take my head. You're not dressed for it, you have plastic tarps, let me tell you, there's going to be a lot of blood, and I mean, a lot of blood. Do you have a sharp sword? It's not so easy to decapitate a man, not like they show in movies."

"You think you're superior to me?"

"No, I think I'm just more experienced in this area. I'm trying to give you some pointers."

Eyal was trying to stall as long as he could and he was trying to size up this kid. He looked to be no more than 20. He was a kid, he had a life ahead of him and he wanted to throw it away. He has no idea the road ahead if he continues down this path. Eyal didn't want to kill him.

"Look, there's no glory to going back home and fighting, take it from someone who has had a lot of blood on his hands. It brings no peace, bloodshed just leads to more bloodshed."

"Who said I wanted peace? Enough talking!"

Saeed rolls up his sleeves and starts punching Eyal.

Meanwhile two of McQuaid's men look through the windows and report back. They see the target of the extraction and relay the positive ID. Fitz and Jim enter the back. McQuaid and Annie take the front. "Remember minimize the gunfire, we don't want to alert the neighbors or leave a trail," says McQuaid.

They have the element of surprise, but hand-to-hand combat ensues with the three guards. Annie instinctively looks for the basement door, she goes off and manages to locate and free Eyal who has his hands suspended above him, but he's not broken. He's still strong and lucid despite the nearly twenty blows he was dealt by young Saeed. "What took you so long Neshema? Hurry!" Annie starts to free Eyal from his restraints, as Saeed returns from checking out what was going on and hits Annie from behind just as she frees Eyal. She fights back since Eyal is still in cuffs. He slides his hands out of them and takes down Saeed who is putting a choke hold on Annie. Eyal uses the cuffs to cuff Saeed to the pipes. Eyal could have easily killed him, but he was worried for Annie. He helped her to her feet and they made their to the stairs to get back up.

Eyal has to fight off two more of Saeed's men who they had not accounted for earlier. Ryan and his men come across some evidence in another room as they go through the house. They discovered explosives and plans to use them at the Israeli Embassy in DC. McQuaid is relaying the message to Auggie and telling him to get Rossabi there fast. The two men Annie and Eyal encountered were putting up a good fight. Annie is using all her strength to fight them with Eyal. She backs the man into the wall and elbows him before she goes down. Eyal overpowers the man and drags Annie up. McQuaid saw that Annie had freed Eyal and signals for everyone to get to the van on the adjacent property. He runs ahead to cover them, but there are no more men. They see the flashing lights of the FBI vehicles. "We need to move it, we can't be found on site. No shots fired right? No evidence left behind. Do a quick sweep Fitz and bring up the rear. If you don't make the van, remember the protocol. Annie and Eyal run to the van after McQuaid. Once everyone is on board the van, the men celebrate with hoots and hollers. Eyal is not celebrating just yet. He had nearly finished medical school and knew enough to know that Annie was not doing well.

Ryan drives to the air field while giving Auggie the low down. "Target acquired, mission accomplished, we're coming home." McQuaid gives Auggie and full report during the drive. He looks back over at Annie through the rearview mirror and sees Eyal's arms around her and her weak smile. "Hey, where's that smile Walker, we made it, the rounds are on me after we get back!"

They make it to the air strip where McQuaid gets on the plane to fire up the engines. Fitz and Jim clear out and wipe down the van. Annie gets her gear and it takes every ounce of energy to climb the steps on to the plane. Annie collapses onto one of the leather recliners as soon as she makes it on board. Eyal is right behind her. She tells Eyal, "You can make the game now." In between gasps for air. McQuaid shouts from the cockpit as Fitz closes the door, "Look for her meds. Where are your meds?" She says to Eyal, "Glad I could finally come to your rescue instead of the other way around. Tell McQuaid "Thank you."

McQuaid needs to stay in the cockpit to get the plane up. He yells for "Fitz, finish closing up and get in here." Then he looks back as he taxies to the runway. "Annie, where are your injections?"

Eyal has a worried look in his eyes, "No, you will tell him yourself Neshema." Eyal lifts her from the recliner and lays her down on the floor of the plane, he grabs a pillow and props up her head. McQuaid is trying to fly the plane and looks back into the main cabin, "What the hell happened? She was just running a minute ago." He gets the plane up in the air, then he hands over controls to Fitz and he makes his way to Annie who is now unconscious. The men try to revive Annie. Ryan yells at Eyal, "This is on you, so help me if anything happens to her..." Eyal just says, "Get us to the nearest trauma hospital."

McQuaid yells to Fitz to radio ahead for an ambulance and orders him to get them there ASAP.

"What the hell happened?" Eyal pushes back, "I'm trying to help and why in Gods name did you let her come in after me, you do know about her heart don't you?"

"Where's your defibrillator? Do you have oxygen on board." He needs to use the defibrillator. "Yeah, yeah, I got all those. Do you know what you're doing?" He goes to get the items. McQuaid realizes it isn't time to argue instead he assists Eyal and hands him everything, "Get us to the hospital, her life depends on it," says Eyal as he looks with seriousness into McQuaid's eyes.

It was the longest plane ride of their lives. They arrive back at the airfield McQuaid keeps his planes. Jim had called ahead for an ambulance per McQuaid's instructions. Eyal and Ryan follow the ambulance. Auggie wonders where the rest of the team is when only Jim and Fitz show up in no mood to celebrate as previously planned. The two men fill him in on what happened after they got Eyal out.

As the EMTs wheel Annie into the ER, Eyal and McQuaid were on both sides of the gurney, Eyal took over talking, Annie's eyes are fluttering, she's in and out of consciousness. Eyal has her hand and she squeezes it. McQuaid has his hand on Annie's shoulder on the other side of the gurney. Her head turns towards Ryan as she hears Eyal's voice. "Patient is in her mid-thirties and has acute myocarditis affecting her mitral valve, by product of a previous gun shot wound to the heart. She was scheduled to have mitral valve repair surgery Monday morning"

"From the sounds of her heart and vitals, she can't wait until Monday," says the trauma doctor who joined them when he heard that a critical heart patient was on the way in.

"Is she on any medications?"

"Nitroglycerides, but they have not been administered."

"Why not?"

"It's a Class C drug. . .She crashed en route, used the AED to revive her and administered oxygen."

Annie looks back to Eyal.

"Well, you kept her alive until she got here. Good work."

"A Class C drug? That means the patient is…"

The mask on Annie keeps the men from seeing her try to talk, her lips are moving. When that doesn't work, she squeezes Eyal's hand with all the strength she can muster.

Eyal looks pained he wanted to keep her secret, but he couldn't, the info was critical to her care and they would find out anyway. He hoped she would forgive him for betraying her trust. "The patient is approximately six weeks pregnant." He looked across the gurney at McQuaid just as the words came out if his mouth. At the same time, he put his other hand on Annie's, sandwiching her hand between his as he bends down and says, "I'll be praying Neshema."


	18. Chapter 18: Undone

Here you go, Ryan's reaction and all three men together.

Ryan McQuaid the consummate soldier was a tough boy who grew into a tough man, not only did his strenuous training in the Navy add to his bravado, his personal struggles served to shape him into the pillar of strength and steadfastness. He lived each day as an adventure and was like his darling Annie, "always ready". It was one of the main qualities that attracted him to her during their first close encounters in Venezuela, but he wasn't ready to see her looking so fragile on that gurney. Everything was going in slow motion and the noise of the ER around him was drowned out by the words repeating in his head, "approximately six weeks pregnant, Class C drug, has not been administered, approximately six weeks pregnant, approximately six weeks pregnant. . ."

He was beginning to feel like he was in a dream, he wasn't sure he heard Eyal right . Then the last couple of days flashed before him, it took him back to when Annie found his panic room, how she looked so pale and he thought she was having an episode. Then to their encounter after he got out of polygraph, at the doctor's office, her apartment and throughout their hunt for Eyal. He had the feeling that something was off about her, he was worried for her, but now it was all making sense. His gut instinct was right, there was something "off" about her. Each time he thought to himself that she looked pale and exhausted, he attributed it to what he had done and that was probably part of it, but now he's realized it was because she was pregnant.

He felt like he had been punched in the gut, he had been blindsided when Kelly got sick and then his friend Caitlyn's betrayal, but this was getting to the top of the list of curve balls in his life. Losing Annie due to his stupidity and finding out that she was pregnant, but could possibly succumb to her heart condition was the last thing he expected would happen. He had so much to tell her and was looking forward to having that talk after they got Eyal on the plane and now this. He didn't realize that his grip on the gurney was preventing the doctor and EMT from pushing it further into the exam area. His pallor had turned ashen as the words repeated and settled in.

"Can I have a second please?" he managed to say. Then he put his hand on Annie's stomach, but no words came out. He saw tears roll down her cheek and kissed her before they wheeled her in past the point for the men to go. He had no words. Eyal stopped Ryan from following, McQuaid then stepped back and collapsed into the wall in the hallway and slunk down to the floor. He sat with his hands in his head tasting Annie's salty tears left on his lips. He stayed there for a minute to digest everything that just happened.

Then, with a sudden start, McQuaid stood up and tried to get back past the doors to where they took Annie. He should have told her he loved her. He realized he didn't say anything to her, he needed her to know that he loves her. He needed her to know that he wanted her to fight to live and he needed her to know that he would take care of her and their baby. He needed her to hear how sorry he was that he screwed up. But the door wouldn't budge.

"Sir, sir!"

Ryan continues to pound on the door. "Sir, please, they will come out with information as soon as they know. Let them do their jobs. Please have a seat," says a nurse.

Meanwhile, Eyal paced in the waiting area. He needed to get on the phone to call Rivka, but all he could think about was Annie. The fact that he was even thinking about calling in was Annie's doing. He remembered when she was a novice operative, always checking in with Langley. Now look at him, she had rubbed off on him. Without warning McQuaid got on his feet and went for Eyal surprising him from his trip down memory lane, Ryan slammed Eyal to a wall pinning him there and said, "If she doesn't come out of this, it's on you! You're the reason she's in there!"

Eyal breaks free and shoves McQuaid, "You don't think I feel terrible already? You have no idea what she means to me. She said, "now I can go to my son's soccer game, you think I can go merrily along to watch my son play soccer while my..." He was thinking, "my Neshema," she was his Neshema. Ryan wouldn't understand it.

Eyal continues in a hushed voice, "You know what? If you had not broken her trust she would be at home with you happy for the first time in ages, happy to have your baby instead she was hurt and in agony over what to do."

Auggie who made his way over to this hospital as soon as he found out what happened on the plane from Fitz and Jim walks into the ER waiting area and says angrily, "Stop fighting right now. I could hear you both on the sidewalk. Someone we all care about is fighting for her life right beyond those doors, what would she say if she knew you bozos were at each others throats?"

McQuaid looks heartbroken and turns to Eyal, in a hushed tone, "How was she when you were with her the last couple of days?"

"She was hurt and angry, we've been through a lot together and I had never seen her so unsure of what to do." McQuaid stops and walks over to the window. He had just found out that Annie was carrying his child only to learn that she wasn't sure about what to do because of him, his actions. The hurt and pain she faced alone gutted him, but she had her friend Eyal, she trusted him enough to confide in him. McQuaid knew men, he could see Eyal cared for Annie deeply. He envied what they had and knew he could have had it too, yet he blew it.

"Baby huh, looks like I have a lot of catching up to do," says Auggie. "Look, let me go check in with the nurses, Fitz and Jim told me about Annie being here, but I am still listed as her handler, so I was alerted on the way here. Let me see what I can find out." Auggie knew this hospital and had committed the map to memory. He was there when Annie was shot by Lena and then when she was in the car accident after she returned from going dark. Here he was again and the situation seemed dire.


	19. Chapter 19: Prayers & Bargains

** Let me know what you think. I can't wait for TONIGHT, 513! **

Auggie was still listed as next of kin in Annie's personnel files. When he got the call from Langley that Annie was in the hospital he was already on his way there. During his ride over to the hospital, he was mad at himself for letting his past with Annie take over. He allowed his judgment to be clouded and didn't hear Ryan's concerns over Annie's health before they set off. He enjoyed the role of standing up for Annie and backing her abilities to see through the mission to rescue Eyal. He had to admit part of him did it just to irritate McQuaid.

Auggie had come around to the idea of Annie being with McQuaid, they had both moved on and she deserved to be happy after everything she had endured the last couple of years. Then the shit hit the fan and Annie called him in tears after finding the cameras and surveillance photos Ryan had been taking. But if Auggie were honest he had to admit in the course of his investigation, he found nothing to incriminate the guy he wanted so badly to dislike. He really was trying to protect Annie and he should have been doing the same.

The two men did have a lot in common, their special op training, being in active combat, losing fellow solders, love of Patron, and of course Annie. But when McQuaid wanted to bench Annie, something in him wanted to side with Annie. He was the one who really knew her and he could never talk sense into her when she made up his mind. To have McQuaid succeed in benching Annie was something Auggie didn't want to let happen, so he went to bat for her. Then there was McQuaid's comment about how he couldn't _see_ how Annie looked. Auggie didn't need to be reminded that he had no real idea what she looked like. McQuaid brought his eyesight into it and it was a harsh reminder, but what he said was true, Auggie couldn't see how sick and tired Annie had looked. It was stupid and selfish of him to _blindly_ back Annie. And there was that word again, _blindly_. . . he would always have her back despite all the times he felt she lied to him. But this time was a huge mistake. He should have listened to Ryan and kept her back from the mission. Auggie would never forgive himself if Annie didn't come through this.

When Auggie exited the cab and got closer to the ER entrance he heard Eyal and McQuaid 's raised voices. He heard the word "baby" and raised his eyebrows. His hearing had been honed since he lost his sight. He clearly heard Eyal shouting at McQuaid and referring to Annie and a baby. Everyone was on edge, he broke up their fight, then left the two hot heads hoping they wouldn't start fighting again. He made his way to the nurse's station to ask about Annie, but all they knew was they were still working on her and running tests. Auggie walked back to the waiting room where he could hear Eyal whispering prayers in Hebrew. McQuaid saw Auggie return and went up to him, "Auggie."

"Ryan, you want to fill me in?" Ryan gives Auggie his arm and he leads him to a seat in the waiting room.

"She freed Eyal. I knew from the radio feed they were fighting some of Saeed's men, but got caught up with collecting the intel on site . From where I was, it sounded like Eyal and Annie had everything under control. I didn't realize she was struggling until we got on board the plane. Then everything went to shit."

"I was asking about Annie being pregnant, but thanks for the mission deets."

"You didn't already know?"

"You think I would have supported her going in with you if I knew?"

"Looks like Eyal is the only one she confided in."

The two men sat silently, each left to their thoughts while they waited for news on Annie's condition.

Auggie

Auggie thought about the DVDs he vetted from McQuaid's surveillance of Annie. There was a recording he listened to of Annie talking to McQuaid about how she was hurt by her last relationship. He was pretty sure Annie was talking about him because she wasn't in any relationships that he was aware of. Auggie thought back to when he first met Annie and the course of their friendship. He thought about all the times he had worried for her on missions and being in the hospital brought him back to waiting for Annie to get out of surgery after Lena shot her. It was then that he realized how much he loved her and needed her, but she was in no state to hear that when she recovered. She was on a mission to hunt down Lena because she took Simon away from her and painted Annie as a traitor. He let her finish what she set out to do because he knew her so well, she was determined to seek justice for Simon, Jai, and the many operatives Lena compromised as a double. He knew he couldn't stop her. Then when their time finally came it was short lived and Auggie screwed it up sleeping with Helen in a moment of weakness.

He thought she wasn't hurt that he slept with Helen while she was dark. She said she didn't blame him, she had made the choice to die in order to take down Henry, but she had been lying to protect herself and maybe to protect him from feeling guilty. He knew she hunted Henry for him, for Joan, for Arthur and out of her sense of justice, but she was nevertheless hurt as he had learned from listening to her talk to McQuaid about it.

He only wished her happiness. She was mature about Hayley that morning she came over after the gala and found her in his apartment, the apartment where they once spent a large amount of time together. She even helped with Natasha and was cool about her once she learned Auggie was harboring her.

Henry Wilcox wasn't to blame for their end. The blame was all on Auggie. He couldn't keep it together while Annie went dark, Helen had returned, he was angry and shocked at what Helen did to them. He loved her, was married to her, spent years mourning her and he missed Annie so much. The way he coped with all the emotions was to sleep with Helen. He needed someone and Helen brought back memories of a love that was so consuming, like his love for Annie, he slept with her to be close to the feeling he had with Annie. He was weak and his weakness hurt her. He finally understood why she distanced herself from him when she returned and why she just wanted to go back to being operative and handler.

McQuaid

McQuaid still can't quite process all the events of the last couple of days, especially the last hour that brought the news Annie was pregnant. He started out the week in domestic bliss with Annie and trying to convince her to move in with him. Then she found out about his surveillance of her. Oh God, if only he had told her sooner. He regrets not coming clean earlier and now things were a colossal mess and worse of all, she was physically hurt and could lose their baby. Emotional trauma and pain can heal, but what if she didn't make it. He would never forgive himself. This was a familiar road for Ryan, it took him years to recover from losing his wife and the guilt of not being there for her when she found out about the cancer. He needed to see Annie, he needed her to know just how much he loved her should anything happen to her. And he needed her to know he wanted to have a family with her. He hoped she would come out of this so they could talk.

Ryan remembers Annie's voice during the time he was recovering from his gunshot wounds. He heard everything she said to him. Why she felt she could confide in him when he was unconscious was interesting to him. She told him about Simon and how she found it hard to live with him not knowing she loved him. Her fear that he died not knowing she did care for him. He wanted to make sure Annie knew how much he needed her, sitting there reminded him of his last days with Kelly. He missed his wife, she had been gone for about 15 years. It was time he moved on. He felt guilty in the past for the other women he had dated, none of them serious, but with Annie he didn't feel any guilt at all. He knew Kelly would have approved and he knew she would have wanted him to be happy, but he let her down too. The man Kelly married wouldn't have done such a horrible thing to Annie. She was right, he hadn't felt remorseful about the surveillance. He felt justified in what he did because he was doing it to protect her, the moral ambiguities of his life had finally caught up to him cost him the woman he loved.

Ryan stood up and started to pace. He hoped Annie and his child would make it through surgery. He thought his chance to have a family had passed when Kelly died, none of the women he met after held a candle to Kelly until Annie came along. It's true, their relationship moved fast, but McQuaid was a decisive man and he knew Annie was woman for him after years of being alone. The thought of losing her while she believed he was a bad guy was killing him and the thought of losing the chance to have a family with her made it even worse. He thought of all the times she challenged him, made him a better man, and he hoped he would have a chance repair their relationship. She had to come out of this, he'd even give her up if she did and that's the bargain he was willing to make with God as he prayed for her and their baby to be okay.

Eyal

Eyal had tried to keep Annie's oxygen levels up en route, he knew it was not only important to her survival, but her child's as well. He prayed that lives wouldn't be lost in exchange for his. What price would she pay for saving him? She had suffered enough as a result of her career choice, he didn't want to contribute to her losses. Why didn't his friend listen to his advice when he told her that her heart condition was a gift? He wished she had gotten out when she first came to him in Israel for help. He wished she had taken him up on his offer to stay in his home. Maybe that child she was carrying would be theirs, her illness, his gift, his chance to care for the friend and counterpart he had come to love. Yes, he had to admit it to himself now, he loved Annie Walker.

Eyal didn't reveal it to anyone, but he had become a religious man after his search for revenge still denied him the peace he sought. One high holy day, he returned to synagogue much to his mother's delight and prayed for his beloved sister Sarah and the potential of her unlived youth, the nieces and nephews he would never hold, the brother-in-law he would never have. He would have given anything to see his sister again, but killing her killer brought him no peace. At first he told himself it brought him satisfaction-a life for a life, maybe it did that first year after, but satisfaction wasn't the same as peace. And now his act of revenge for his sister triggered his capture by the brother of the man he killed in DC with Annie's support three years earlier.

It had been nearly 13 years since his sister died and it wasn't over. All of the recent events happened, all in the name of vengeance a vicious cycle that punishes the grieving in perpetuity and brings no resolution. It was his quest for revenge that landed them there in that moment with Annie's life hanging in the balance and what started it all had nothing to do with her or McQuaid or their unborn child.

Eyal was fighting that there needed to be forgiveness for there to be peace, it was challenging for a hardened man, a trained killer like Eyal who had seen and committed terrible acts to embrace the notion of forgiveness, what some might see as weakness. Was it really a weakness to be forgiving or did it take strength of character? Here he was trying to keep his beloved Annie alive through his prayers. He wanted her live out the life she deserved, he prayed that for her along with forgiveness for himself and hoped his God heard him.

He believed in El Shaddai, Almighty God and prayer. Her words to him before she collapsed would ring in his ears, 'you can make Avi's game now and tell McQuaid I forgive him, give him that peace". Eyal left that last part out when he spoke to McQuaid. Eyal shouted at her on the plane, "I'm not letting you die Neshema!"

Annie had made it her mission to get him home to his son and he was either going to be eternally grateful to his friend or eternally guilty if she didn't make it. On the plane ride to the hospital, he had a mission, to get her to the hospital alive, to pray as hard as he ever had in his life for the life she had in her. He knew despite her uncertainty in her abilities to mother, she had a fierceness mothers possess, the desire to protect and help those dear to her. She wanted the child to be okay, he wanted the child for her. It was her way out. He wanted her out of this business and prayed she would leave it if she were to come out alive, he would even be okay if she chose to return to McQuaid, as long as she got out of the surgery alive and out of this unpredictable and dangerous life and that was the bargain he was making with his God.

Eyal looked up after finishing his prayers, he saw McQuaid pacing. He got up and walked towards him, he was ready for another fight in case McQuaid wanted to continue where they left off. McQuaid approached him and said, "Truce?"

"I'm sorry I lost it before," says McQuaid.

"Under the circumstances, I would have done the same thing, maybe worse," says Eyal as he chuckles.

"You're important to her, for Annie to care so much about you, you have to be a decent guy because the Annie I've come to know would only work so hard for someone she cherishes," says McQuaid.

"She's always going to fiercely protect those she cares for, one of her many excellent qualities. I sense you have questions for me. . ."

McQuaid says, "What did you mean when you said she was in agony over what to do?"

"This is what you need to know, if you meant nothing to her she would not have been so shattered by what you did. She didn't want to bring a child into this world alone. She wasn't sure she could have you be part of her life because she didn't trust you and she realized she didn't really know you. The irony is she did want children, but in light of your lies and pretense, she just could not imagine having a child with you. She was filled with pain, doubt and uncertainty. But the last words she spoke were to tell you she forgives you."

It's all hard for Ryan to hear, but he understood why she felt the way she did.

"I know she loves you and you have a lot of work to do to make things right, can I trust that you will make things right with Annie?"

"She was willing to talk to me after we got you out and I hope that hasn't changed. I will spend the rest of my days making up for everything if she'll forgive me. No more lies and secrets."

"Well, you'll have me to answer to me if you hurt her again," said Eyal and it was a serious threat made with his cold and deliberate state. He wasn't going to give up Annie for some smuck. He felt McQuaid was indeed worthy of Annie or else he would have fought hard to have her himself. He saw in McQuaid a reflection of himself. And most importantly, he knew Annie loved him and that was enough for Eyal. He wanted most in the world for her to be happy and truthfully, he wasn't going to quit Mossad anytime soon, it was a life for him and as long as he was with Mossad, he couldn't be with Annie.


	20. Chapter 20 : Concensus

The doctor treating Annie emerged from behind the closed doors.

"August Anderson?"

"Yes, here," says Auggie as he walks towards the voice of the doctor with the rhythmic sound of his cane. The doctor looks at the other two men who have followed Auggie.

"I'm only authorized to speak to August Anderson," says the doctor.

Not wanting to take time to explain or cause any raised eyebrows, Auggie steps away with the doctor while the other men wait impatiently. McQuaid is ready to grab the doctor by his scrubs and pin him to the wall as is Eyal, but both men controlled their impulses knowing it would do more harm than good.

"I'll be right back," says Auggie.

"Ms. Walker's mitral valve needs repair immediately."

"It's repairable?" asks Auggie with a sigh of relief.

"We believe there is a good chance, but we won't know until we get in there and get a better look at the damage, I can't emphasize it enough, we need to do it as soon as possible."

"What about her baby? Is the baby doing okay?" asks Auggie.

The surgeon replies, "For now, the baby's heartbeat is strong, however, the mother may not survive the pregnancy without the surgery. Her heart is working too hard as it is and with the added blood volume pregnancy presents, surgery is the best option for both the mother and child. The longer the patient's heart goes on like this, the more irreparable damage it will sustain over time."

"What are the risks to surgery?" asks Auggie.

"It's hard to tell right now, all surgeries carry risk, but a mitral valve repair is a way better option than allowing the heart to get damaged to the extent that a valve replacement or even worse a transplant is needed," responds the surgeon.

"With the surgery, what will her prognosis be?" asks Auggie.

"The goal of the surgery will be to restore her heart function, and maybe even get it back to her normal with time, she will just have to go through a period of recovery."

McQuaid anxiously looks over at the doctor and Auggie as he tries to decipher the levity of the situation from the look on Auggie's face. Despite all the authority he commanded at work and his sizable net worth, the man felt powerless to help Annie and his child. He didn't even have the right to information about them and their well-being and it was driving him crazy. If only he didn't have his lapse in judgement and had told Annie everything upfront. He should have proposed to her already, he had had the ring for over a week already. But could have and should have wasn't helping him any.

Ryan thought about the engagement ring in his safe intended for Annie, he knew without a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her since the first night they spent together at his home. Prior to that night, he was fascinated by her and looked forward to all their tumultuous interactions, but knew very little about what was inside Annie Walker other than what was in the files he got his hands on. But he did know there was an attraction he couldn't fight. The more he encountered her, the more he was drawn to her. They hadn't even slept with each other that magical night, they simply spent it talking, eating, drinking and laughing, which in his book made her all the more alluring to him. And finally he remembered that first sweet kiss. He felt like an unsure schoolboy again in that moment as he leaned in towards her. He was hesitant at first thinking that the timing wasn't quite right, but she had come to say good-bye because she thought they wouldn't cross paths any more with her recent suspension. He couldn't let her walk out of his life that easily, so he looked in her eyes and continued to lean in and he was pleasantly surprised when instead of backing away, she leaned towards him. Nothing had felt so right before for him. Then that damned door bell rang.

McQuaid had been physically close to Annie many times before that first kiss at his home. Each of those times, he felt an undeniable urge to care for her and at the same time an awe at her amazing skills in the field. He witnessed her courage and determination first hand. What he would give to be by her side right now. His thoughts go to the time he carried her onto the boat in Maracaibo after he found her unconscious after her fight with Borz, one of his best special ops guys. She'd proven herself a worthy competitor and he had to admit he was surprised. Having so cavalierly turned down his offer to work together, he didn't at all expect her to beat him and his three best men to Borz. He was as usual overly confident in his abilities. When he later found out she was further handicapped by a heart condition, he was even more impressed that she found and took down Borz before him and his entourage. In all honesty, he felt a mixture of shock and embarrassment at his inability to track down Borz with a sizeable lead on a single operative without any back-up or firearms. She had a crowbar from her rental. God, he loved this woman is what he thought as she woke up feisty and ready to take on the doctor. He had hoped she didn't think he was one of those stupidly arrogant, trigger happy, and reckless PMCs he hated being associated with. He knew what many CIA operatives and career soldiers in the various Armed Forces thought of people like him and he hoped she didn't think the same. He had never cared what other people thought, but he wanted to know what was in her head since their tenuous partnership in Venezuela. Ryan looked up and was shaken out of his reverie at the sight of Auggie walking back towards him.

Auggie returns to the two men and relays what he has learned. McQuaid is too stunned to talk. Hearing the news about Annie and the baby makes it unbearable. It brings back so much he had worked hard to bury.

"This decision isn't just mine to make, what do you boys think?"

Eyal says, "Well, Annie was already scheduled to have the surgery, so I think she should have it and as for the baby, if it's God's will for the baby to survive, then it will." McQuaid nods in agreement. "I'd rather her have a chance at living."

Auggie returns to the doctor to tell him to go ahead with the surgery.

"Okay, then, we'll get her prepped right away. It will take 2-4 hours depending on the extent of the damage once we get in there, but this is a fairly routine surgery."

"Can I see her before you sedate her?" asks Eyal.

"We're only allowing family and those listed as her emergency contact."

"Please. She saved my life, she's like family to me."

"Very well, she barely conscious now, you can see her, but just for a minute. We need to get her into surgery," says the doctor before he rushes off.

Auggie goes to call Joan to fill her in on Annie's condition and leaves the men. Truthfully he was afraid to go in. He couldn't see, but he didn't want to hear the machines and be reminded that he's almost lost her twice now. He was relieved that she would be okay. So he went back to his job as her handler. He needed to call it in at Langley and fill in their superiors. He had a feeling that the end of Annie's career as an operative was finally here. It was the beginning of a new life for her and McQuaid. He was honestly relieved. He was glad he would never have to worry about her life being in danger again.

Eyal went in to see Annie at the same time the staff is prepping her for surgery, he wanted to speak to her because he knew that risks were always associated with surgery. His return to Israel was imminent because he heard Rivka had sent a team to help rescue him albeit they would not have gotten here in time. They would now be tasked with escorting him home for debrief. His phone had been ringing non-stop. It was Rivka. He declined the call and walked into the room where Annie lay. The only other time he saw her looking so fragile and tired was after they made it onto the boat when they escaped Russia. Back then the virus that attacked her heart was probably already at work. Eyal wished he could do something, he was a man who was known to be cold, calculating and detached, but not when it came to those he held most dear. He held her hand and prayed in Hebrew. He wanted her to know that he prayed for her like he never prayed in his life. He told her he'd stay as long as he could, but he would honor her by making it to Avi's game. He leaned over and gave her a tender kiss. Annie managed to open her eyes and said, "Toda, neshema." Eyal was happy to hear her voice and see her smile.

McQuaid watched Eyal with Annie through her hospital window seeing Eyal with Annie in person, he could tell the man cared for her, he wondered if their relationship ever went beyond a professional one. When he met her she said she didn't mix business with pleasure. He wondered if she had done so with Eyal Lavin.

McQuaid says to Eyal as he exits the room, "Thank you for being there for her."

"Annie will always have a friend in me. Give her a good life, keep her safe, no more guns for Annie Walker, just diapers and rattles," says Eyal as he gives McQuaid a hug and a warning, "You remember what I said because if you hurt her again, you will hear from me."

McQuaid nods. He heads into the room where Annie's eyes are fluttering, she's fighting the sedation. When she sees him, she says in a whisper, barely audible, "Here for that talk?"

"Huh?"

"I promised, after Eyal . . .thanks again . . ."

"It's okay, save your strength," says Ryan as he sits by her and takes her hand.

"Where's Auggie? Tell him go to Extra Space Storage. . .I have letters for . . ." Annie is weak and can't finish her sentences, talking takes her breath away and all her strength. All he can manage to do is hold her hand and cry. He's not wept like that since the day he held his wife's hand and watched her take her last breath. He gets it together and says, "I'm sorry for everything. I love you with everything that is in me, when you come out of this, I will be here in whatever way you want. I'll understand if you don't want to see me, but I need you to know that I can't see a path forward for me without you with me, by my side."

"Storage unit is where . . . " Her voice trails off.

"I'm sorry sir, it's time to get Ms. Walker into surgery," says a nurse.

"I'm scared Ryan," and those were her last words to him before she went to surgery.

He pulled himself together, she needed him to be strong. So he needed to be strong for her. "Since when does Annie Walker get scared, you're a shark remember? You will come out of this fine and I hope we will be fine too. I love you," shouted McQuaid as they wheeled Annie away.


	21. Chapter 21: Group Therapy

**Wanted to write a scene where the men talk about their mutual feelings for Annie. Not totally happy with it, not sure dudes would be so cool talking about the same woman, the one they all love, but I'd like to think they're all super mature, especially in a grave situation.**

Auggie returns after calling Joan in time to see Annie wheeled off into surgery.

All them important men in Annie's life are gathered in the waiting room Eyal is back to praying and McQuaid is pacing again. Auggie breaks the ice by saying, "looks like we all have something in common."

"You two do, both of you caused Annie an enormous amount of grief," says Eyal with one part sarcasm and one part seriousness.

"What and you haven't?" responds Auggie.

"No, my betrayals were over work, allegiance to my country and agency, Annie understood that and we always moved past it. We always were spies first, friends last, that was our understanding, we used each other to complete our missions, we had no pretense." Eyal is matter of fact.

"Well, then I guess all we have in common is sleeping with her then," says Auggie.

Eyal chuckles, "Annie and I never slept together. Did you really think that? I'm amused, how long ago did you imagine that happened? Nevermind, I consider you a friend, but I don't need to think about you imagining me sleeping with anyone."

Eyal goes on, "You think we'd still be friends if we had slept together? She is way too precious to me to ruin our friendship with a brief romp. What I've learned is friends forgive deceptions and manipulations, friends also have fewer reasons to lie for misguided notions, lovers that is a whole other ball of wax. Lovers have a harder time with forgiveness."

"Well, a little late for the pearls of wisdom," says Auggie.

"I can't lose her, I mean, I never had her to begin with, but she has to make it, she can't die hating me," mumbles McQuaid.

Eyal sighs and says harshly, "You're both making things about you. Don't you give up on her McQuaid! The Annie Walker, I know never gives up, even to her own detriment, so she's going to give her all to come out of this stronger."

Auggie interjects, "Yeah, she hates if anyone, it's me."

Eyal says, "What is this? 'A poor me Annie hates me' support group? Man up gentlemen! You both hurt her, you can't change the past, you just have to live with it. We all make choices we regret, it's done. Stop making it about you."

The men are silent for a few moments.

I'm not in the business of handing out encouragement, but "Auggie, you're her rock at the agency, no matter what happens you will always be her friend and the person she trusts with her life. McQuaid, she may not wear her heart on her sleeve, but I could tell she loved you, she never said it, but her actions in Turkey did. You can get that back."

"And you? What about you and Annie?" asks Auggie.

"Well, we're peas in a pod, like twins separated at birth. Annie can always come to me for help and I will do everything in my power to help her and I know she would do the same for me as evidenced by what she just did at her own peril today. If she leaves this earth, a part of me will go with her."

Finally, Auggie breaks the long silence.

"Looks like enough therapy for one night, we don't all need to be here, the surgeon said 2-4 hours. Why don't you two go home and get cleaned up. I'll stay since I'm the only one they'll talk to. I'll ping you with any updates."

"Eyal, you should get checked out, you looked injured," says McQuaid.

"I'm fine, just a bruised rib or two. Saeed was just a kid, untrained, hardly had the strength training one needs for this sort of work. Any news on him and his men?" asks Eyal

Auggie responds, "Joan and Calder have been in contact with Rossabi. They've been questioning him and his crew. So far it seems like an isolated incident, the kid used his allowance, pretty sizable to fund his fantasy, it doesn't seem connected to an known terrorist group. His family apparently had no idea what he was up to the last few days, they figured he was hunkered down studying for mid-terms. Rivka Singer is also on her way now and will be meeting with Rossabi on the evidence he has on the Israeli embassy attempt."

"Thanks for the update."

"Eyal, thanks for keeping Annie alive back there, the surgeon keeping Annie's heart going and her oxygen levels up on the way made all the difference"

"Maybe I should go back and finish medical school," says Eyal with a laugh.

"Hey, that's not a bad back-up career," responds Auggie.

"I want to be here when she gets out, but I also want to honor her by going to Avi's game. I'll go back to my apartment to shower and pack. I'll stop back here before I sneak out of the country. Rivka's team is going to take me straight to debrief and I will never make the game that way,"

McQuaid says to Eyal, "You can hitch a rid on one of my planes, that way you can evade Mossad and get straight to your boy's game. I believe I have a plane heading to Iraq for a shift change today, they'll be fine with a tag-along. I'll call and let them know."

"That's very generous of you McQuaid. Thank you." They shake hands.

Eyal goes home and McQuaid goes back to his office.

Ryan leaves the hospital, he needs to get back to work. He can't escape the large company he needs to run and the many fires that arise and need his attention. He has to explain and allocate the right accounting codes to his latest mission. He has 23 messages and 147 email messages to comb through. He finally does get through all his work with his phone by his side in case Auggie called. Ryan takes a much needed shower and heads back to the hospital. On the way in he passes the hospital gift shop and sees a stuffed German Shepard in the window. It makes him smile as he is reminded of Annie so he stops in and buys it along a bouquet of hydrangeas.

After a long shower, Eyal wrapped his own torso at home and popped four Tylenol. He packed up his things and cleaned his apartment and took a look around before he headed back to the hospital. He would let Annie know she could stay there indefinitely.

Auggie had Barber bring him a new set of clothes and his laptop. Barber stayed with Auggie for about an hour, they chatted about everything from his new cleansing diet to judo to the DPD's latest tech toys. It was a nice distraction for Auggie who had been replaying the conversation he and the boys had just had about Annie.

After nearly two hours passed, the men have all returned to the hospital looking fresher and eager to hear news about Annie. The surgeon finally emerged, "Your friend is a fighter, she made it through, the next 24-48 hours are critical to see how her heart and body handles the valve repair." McQuaid asks, "And the baby?"

"Tough one, heartbeat remained at steady rate the entire time, unless there are complications mother and child are expected to fully recover. We put in an order for the high risk OB to see her as soon as possible."

All the men are relieved. "May I see her? I need to leave to town, my flight..." says Eyal.

"Are you family?" asks the surgeon.

Auggie says he is, all right then, she's still intubated and heavily sedated, but you can spend a few moments wit her.

Eyal has his time with Annie though she is unconscious, he spends as long as he can before needing to run off to catch the plane. Before he takes off he exacts a promise from Auggie and McQuaid to send an update as soon as Annie is awake. The men part bonded and united in their concern for Annie.

Annie has to remain in post-op recovery overnight, her surgeon is very optimistic and reported that the mitral valve repair was straightforward and there were no complications during surgery. The surgery itself was minimally invasive and the incisions were relatively small. Annie should recover and be released in a day or two. She will need blood thinners to keep from clotting.

McQuaid stays by Annie's side, he is unsure of how he will be received by Annie, so when the doctors are ready to remove her breathing tubes, he steps out and waits in the waiting area. Auggie is with Annie when the doctor removes her breathing tube, Annie asks, "Is Eyal okay? What about my. . ."

"Shh, save your energy." Auggie fills her in on everything that happened at the farmhouse, Eyal's rescue and her surgery. He tells her McQuaid has been pacing the halls. There was a stuffed German Shepherd by her. "McQuaid asked that I put it on your bed." Annie smiles. "What is it? I mean I know it's a stuffed something, but couldn't figure it out."

Annie says, "He knows I love German Shepherds," in a whisper. Annie is still feeling loopy from her medicines, "I suppose you were surprised by my pregnancy."

"Yeah, so was the father. He's not so bad, has kind of grown on me like an oversized puppy. He's been a mess Annie, never thought I'd see a man like McQuaid so vulnerable, he loves you."

"I only found out a couple of days ago, after I found out about the cameras. What am I going to do?"

"I think I'm not the one who should give you advice when it comes to your love life, but I did promise Eyal that we'd get in touch as soon as you woke up, so I'll get him on the line now. He stayed until the last possible moment, McQuaid offered one of his planes to get him home for Avi's game."

Annie smiles. Auggie brings up Skype and Eyal answers. Eyal is happy to see Annie and hear that she will recover. He gives her the news that Avi's team won the championship. "Thank you Annie, I owe you so much and Avi still has his old man because of you. I'm sorry you had to get hurt. If you ever change your mind about Israel, you are always welcome even if you bring that McQuaid character along."

"I'm happy for Avi and so glad you made it." says Annie with a raspy voice. She's starting to fall back asleep.

"Looks like our friend needs some rest," says Auggie as he squeezes Annie's hand.

Auggie leaves the room and continues to talk to Eyal before passing the tablet to McQuaid to chat with Eyal. Auggie returns to the room to ask Annie if she will allow McQuaid to enter the room. "I'm the only one listed as your next of kin. I think you may have to change that Walker. Someone wants to visit and he's a little afraid you may still want to shoot him." She smiles and nods.

McQuaid cautiously enters the room, unsure of how he will be received. Annie says softly, "Hi."

"Avi scored the winning goal. I just got the play by play from one proud Dad," says McQuaid.

"Thank you, so speaking of Dads, we need to talk."

"Annie, we have a lot to talk through, but it can wait until you're feeling better. I just need you to know that I love you and that's real, none of that was pretense, I couldn't live with you thinking that."

"Is love enough? It's never been enough for a lasting relationship, at least not for me."

"I'd like to think love can overcome just about anything. Get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up."


	22. Chapter 22: Living Without Guilt

Good thing I had the Thanksgiving holiday as a distraction, I can't wait for this week's episode!

Ryan stays with Annie though a pile of work is waiting on him. He can't afford to be offline for more than a couple of hours and in the last few days he wasn't on the ball at all. With hundreds of active missions, ongoing negotiations for new contracts, and internal issues to manage, Ryan wears many hats and spins many plates, but soon something was going to break. He had to admit that with Arthur and Caitlyn gone, he needed a second in command to help lighten his load. It was something that he had been working on until the last week when Annie learned about what the cameras and surveillance.

Ryan was good at running on empty, it was part of his rigorous training, he was kept up for days, subjected to sleep depravation, and purposeful hardships inflicted to trip him up, yet he never broke or gave up, he couldn't, his life and the lives of his friends depended on it. But now he was at a point where it wasn't about proving that he could pass any test of his will, but about taking time to enjoy all he had accomplished and taking time for relationships.

Ryan steps out to take calls while looking in on Annie through the window. One was from Jim, someone he was considering for his second in command, his Chief Operating Officer. His only hesitation was Jim would hate being behind a desk and forced to wear a suit for meetings with bureaucrats at the Pentagon, Langley, or anywhere he couldn't pack his gun. He was going to die in the field despite Ryan's advice that he needed to slow down and make plans now that he was 40 and his shelf life dwindling. Civilian life was toxic to him Jim would say. He needed the action, it was an addiction of sorts, he'd get all antsy and irritable if he'd been back at the office too long. He couldn't stay married to Janine his college sweetheart, she wasn't enough to keep him home. He watched as he talked to Jim and saw Annie's eyes fluttering. His mind was with her.

"This Annie Walker, was she worth all this trouble?" asked Jim. He knew the answer because he knew his friend and he liked Annie too and saw how she affected Ryan. He meant to talk to Annie after the Eyal mission, to tell her that Ryan was one of the best men he knew, but he didn't get a chance. He hoped she pulled through for his friend's sake because Ryan needed someone, he was always a romantic who would give up the action for a good cause, and Annie was it, Ryan needed her and to be honest, Jim didn't think he'd survive losing another woman.

Jim knew losing Kelly was Ryan's albatross, if Ryan had known she was sick, he would have rushed back to her. Ryan was angry that she kept her cancer from him, angry that she protected him instead of the other way around and that was the worst because after that anger came guilt. He punished himself for not picking up the signs the last time he was home from a mission. She said she was tired from her workload as a junior lawyer, but she was losing her battle already. After that Ryan urged Jim to make it work with Janine. His wife had just died and he kept harping on him to not take his wife for granted. Jim tried for a time, he really did take Ryan's advice to heart, but he wasn't Ryan and although he loved Janine, he realized he loved being in the mix more. She would wait for him to return home and he'd dream of home to help him focus during long hours holding a sniper rifle and during dangerous recon missions. But once home for a few days, he would start itching to get back out. Boredom would set it and he'd take it out on Janine just to feel the rush of a fight. So he let her go though he loved her and devoted his life to the Navy and then McQuaid Securities, believing it unfair to leave a woman and kids behind at home while he engaged in his first love, being a soldier. In essence Jim married his work.

Ryan thought about Jim's question seriously, "was she worth it?" Nothing had gone smoothly since she entered his life, yet everything seemed as it should be. Ryan knew a long time ago that Annie was indeed worth all the trouble and more. He was never one to take or want the easy road and there was still a rocky road ahead full of uncertainty, but Ryan was up for the challenge of Annie Walker. His next challenge being getting Annie to believe he wanted their baby and regaining her trust. Jim was droning on about the pros and cons of taking a contract escorting members of the senate intelligence committee on a trip to Ukraine. "So, take the contract babysitting a bunch of lying politicians?"

"Uh, you make the call Jim. I want you to see this one through."

"What? Before you pulled me to help with Eyal Lavin, I was about to head to Libya. I'd rather go there than chauffeur a bunch of two faced politicians."

"Jim, I need you to take one for the team and play it _safe_ in the Ukraine. Can you do that for me while I hold down the fort here and make sure Annie's okay?"

Jim didn't know that Annie was pregnant, but he knew his friend and boss was in love with Annie even before Ryan acknowledged it himself. He was honestly stoked that Ryan finally found someone worth pursuing so maybe he would stop harassing him about settling down and slowing down. "Well, if you want me to make the sacrifice, I'll do it for Walker. Tell her I hope she gets better soon."

"Thanks man. I appreciate it, I have to go now."

Annie remembers hearing the sound of typing and seeing Ryan on his laptop while she slept off the anesthesia. She tried to force her eyelids open, there was so much to talk about, she couldn't fight sleep, but found it comforting knowing he was there. Ryan finished his call and walked to Annie's bedside, he kisses her tenderly and says, "I love you" as he touches her belly.

He's surprised when he hears her speak though her eyes were still closed, "I had all these dreams and you were in them," says Annie. "Well, that's because I'm the man of your dreams."

"You weren't the only man, I'm pretty sure I'm having a boy."

Ryan is stunned and pleasantly so. "A boy? You mean _we're_ having a boy?"

There's no response, she's drifted back to sleep leaving Ryan stunned in a good way. He pulls up a chair and keeps working for a few minutes before Annie opens her eyes again and continues where she left off, "I saw you and a little boy with your hairline and eyes playing at a playground. I was reading on a bench with Ruby at my feet."

"Annie, I've given you little reason to trust me, but I'm here for you and for the baby if that's what you want. I want you to make the choice that is right for you."

Annie smiles as she says, "I was scared, but I'm not anymore." Then she drifts back into her drug-induced slumber while Ryan isn't sure what she meant. He wants to shake her awake so they can talk more, so he can find out what she was trying to say, so he could pin down Annie Walker's feelings for a change. But his computer dings as more emails come through and his phone buzzes signifying another voicemail. He looks at her sleeping peacefully and holds to her words, "I'm pretty sure I'm having a boy" to mean that she wants to be a mother to his child. He smiles as he gets back to work.


	23. Chapter 23: Devoted

**Tell me what you think of this chapter! Just another two days until the 514!**

Annie awakens the next morning with a dry mouth and chapped lips. She's much more lucid and winces in pain as she shifts to look for the buttons to elevate the head of her bed. Ryan has dozed off at the chair where he spent the night working and on the phone with European and Middle Eastern clients. He awakens as soon as he hears the sounds of the bed raising. Annie says, "You slept here? You should have gone home McQuaid."

Ryan gets up and happily walks over to Annie's bedside. "No where else I'd rather be, I didn't want you to wake up alone, besides I've slept in worse conditions."

Annie tries unsuccessfully to reach for the standard hospital issue pitcher of water and cup on the table at the foot of her bed.

"You know I'm right here, it's okay to ask for help," says Ryan as he wheels the table closer to Annie. He's flabbergasted at her need to be independent, to do everything on her own, even when in pain. It's a quality he also possesses and one he admires in her, but he can see it also exasperating him. He hopes she can learn to trust him and lean on him, even if just for a drink of water.

"I'm really thirsty, would you please . . ." says Annie as she shifts her body and looks away from Ryan. Annie's uncomfortable relying on him, he notes her body language. She always was a bit weary of asking for help from anyone, but now, she's especially weary of accepting help from Ryan even for something as small as a glass of water. She doesn't want him to feel obligated to her because of the baby or to pity her because she's lying in a hospital bed. She wonders what he knows as she tries to remember everything that happened after they rescued Eyal.

Ryan watches Annie as he pours her water, then removes the wrapper from a straw, drops it in the cup, and holds the cup close to her lips so she can drink without moving too much. He noticed that she made a face each time she moved. She must be hurting and he wanted to take it away.

Annie shifts to get comfortable. She's still trying to go over everything that has transpired and looks out the window at the rising sun. "How long was I out? Is my . . . "

"We got Eyal out nearly 36 hours ago, we got you here where they assessed your heart for a couple of hours, then recommended surgery. Auggie, Eyal and I gave the go ahead for the heart surgery. You were in there for the longest three hours of my life. After that you were in post-op recovering from your mitral valve repair for about eight hours before they removed breathing tubes and brought you here where you've been sleeping. The cardiothoracic surgeon was able to repair your heart Annie. You're going to be good as new."

Annie is stunned. Some of what happened starts coming back to her. She remembers being on the plane and then being wheeled into the ER. She's processing the information and says, "Really? Um, I need to talk to my doctor about. . ."

"Everything's fine Walker, you'll need 4-6 weeks before you can jump into the Potomac again, run a 10K or take on a man twice your weight, but you're going to recover."

"I need to talk to a doctor," says Annie as she looks for the call button.

"You want to know about the baby is that it?" Ryan realizes that she's treading carefully because she doesn't recall that he already knows about the baby.

"You already know," says Annie, not surprised, she has snippets of conversations coming back to her.

"You don't remember our conversations?"

"Bits and pieces, I was having a lot dreams, it's hard to distinguish what was real and what wasn't. All the drugs and the surgery, everything's so hazy. Are the drugs okay for the baby? Can you please get the doctor for me?" Ryan is smiling, assured that she is worried about the baby because it's a sign she cares about the baby and perhaps will want to carry their child.

"The surgeons made their rounds earlier, I already asked about the drugs and your recovery process. He said the drugs are fine for the baby in limited doses, I don't see you needed to shoot up on the stuff, so stop worrying. The baby did great during the surgery. They were monitoring the baby's heartbeat throughout. There was never a change."

Annie looks relieved. "Thank you."

"So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm starving, guess I haven't eaten much at all and my lips are cracking."

"Are you in any pain? It's okay to use the morphine drip."

"I'm good, thanks."

"Really? Looks like it hurts when you move."

"That's why I'm not moving much, I'm okay, I can take it."

"You don't have to be so stoic."

"I don't want the baby hooked on morphine okay?"

Ryan laughs. "I'll get you some food from the cafeteria, you do need to eat, what would you like?" asked Ryan as he reached into his pocket for a tube of Carmex and twisted off the top. He got closer to Annie and applied it to her lips causing Annie to give him a strange look.

"You carry lip balm in your pocket?" she says as she moves her lips to spread the Carmex around.

"Yeah, I have some gum too if you want."

"Who would have guessed."

"It's out of habit, been doing it since my days in the Navy. It's my good luck charm and very utilitarian in the desert. SEALS can be superstitious, you know? So I never leave home without it."

"Now that I think of it, I remember a tube left at my apartment when I was cleaning it out, who would have figured."

"That little tidbit bit of info about me doesn't trump your news, why didn't you tell me Annie?"

"I was busy coming to terms with what I discovered at your home and being angry with you. I was shocked by the news and in denial. I didn't know what to do, then everything happened with Eyal, have you forgotten?"

"No, but I was hoping you forgot my folly. Annie, I hated it when you were angry and distrustful of me. You have to believe that I had only good intentions when I put cameras at your place and tracking devices on your phone and car."

"Ryan, I was going to tell you eventually, I didn't plan this pregnancy and I'm not sure how you feel about everything, I still have a lot of questions and I don't know how our relationship can recover, how I can recover from..."

Immediately crushed and disappointed, Ryan says, "So you don't remember anything you said to me last night?"

Annie is worried, "Why, what did I say?"

Ryan gives his devious crooked smile, "That you forgive me and that you're not scared about having our boy."

"I don't remember any of that, but. . . .boy?"

"We can talk more later, we do have more to discuss like how you keep putting yourself in harm's way. You got lucky Walker, Eyal, he saved you on that plane. I don't know what I would have done if I lost you."

"Ryan, you knew about my condition when we first worked together and it never factored into how you treated me. I'm wired for mission remember?"

"We'll talk more later. I'll be right back. Any preferences?"

"Just about anything sounds good right now. And how about some ice cream for dessert?"

Ryan flashes his smile. "You got it."

Ryan is happy when he leaves, she's talking and not yelling or ignoring him that was a good sign. Mostly, she was accepting his help and he was happy to provide it by getting her some food. He didn't want to push it with Annie in the room, he had tried to stop her from going on the mission to rescue Eyal because of her heart condition, but after he found out she was pregnant, he was concerned that she risked herself _and_ the baby. His fear was she only did so because she didn't plan on going through with the pregnancy.

Annie looks out the window after Ryan left to pick up food pondering what was next. There sure had been a lot of drama in her life the last couple of years. She was ready to slow down, but realized she had no place to live! She just gave up her apartment. Eyal offered his place, but she couldn't stay there long term. She supposed it would do for a week or so while she got better and could find another place. Annie drinks some more water and tries to remember what she might have said to Ryan in her drug induced stupor.

Annie is interrupted by a woman wheeling in an ultrasound machine.

"Hello Ms. Walker, I'm Dr. Cantor, the high risk OB on call. I'm here to check you out and do an ultrasound. How are you feeling?"

"I'm hungry, but also worried about the baby."

"That's a good sign, eat when you're hungry, but don't overdo it. As for the baby, we'll take a look, but I monitored the baby's heart rate during the surgery and everything was fine. You'd be amazed at the resiliency of fetuses."

"What about all the drugs that have been used for my heart and during surgery, will those adversely affect my baby? Also I drank and ate sushi before I found out."

"Ms. Walker, all newly pregnant women worry about the same things. You're fine. Many Europeans still have a bit of wine while expecting and you think the Japanese give up sushi while pregnant? Everything in moderation is fine, best not to worry yourself."

Ryan returns to the room with food saying, "I got you some creamy tomato soup, a grilled cheese Panini, side salad and cookies and cream for dessert."

Ryan wasn't expecting anyone in the room and looked at Annie. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?"

"No, I'm fine. This is Dr. Cantor a high risk OB."

"Dr. Cantor this is Ryan, the father."

"Yes, I'm the father," says Ryan as he extends his hand. It was so surreal for him to say it out loud, but he did want to be a father although get ahead of himself because there was so much unfinished business with Annie.

"Dr. Cantor, it's complicated, we're not sure what will happen." says Annie.

"Well, if you don't mind another five minutes before you eat, let's get started, is the gentleman staying or going during the exam?" says Doctor Cantor.

"Maybe you don't remember last night, but I'm here for you no matter what you decide." says Ryan with a warm smile and devoted eyes. Annie says nothing for a moment making Ryan squirm inside.

Finally, she asks, "Ryan, I'd like it if you stayed."

"So I gather this is an unplanned pregnancy. Let's take a look at this baby and then we can chat about next steps," says the obstetrician as she prepares the ultrasound gel. "So, you're very lucky to have had the successful mitral valve repair, it gives you and your baby a chance. According to your chart, you are six weeks and three days pregnant."

The doctor turns the screen towards the couple and says, "You see here? This is the outline of the fetus and the flashing or flickering is its heartbeat. It looks very strong." Together they see their baby for the first time. And in that moment as Annie sees the heartbeat flicker on the screen, she is overwhelmed with the need to protect and love the life growing inside her, tears roll down her cheeks. She realizes the feeling she is having is complete love and devotion. Annie finally understands what Eyal meant when he called this turn of events a gift. She didn't get it a couple of months ago when he called her heart condition a gift. Eyal was right, chances like this won't keep coming for her. She needed to seize it, she was already 34, how many more chances would she have to be a mother or to get out unscathed?

Meanwhile Ryan is also stunned by the screen's images. It all seems real so now. He was mesmerized by the screen and didn't notice at first that Annie had tears rolling down her cheeks. He puts his arms around Annie and says, "I love you and that baby in there. I'm not going to stop showing you how much I mean that."

Dr. Cantor says, "Let me just take a look around."

Ryan looks concerned, "Dr. Cantor, is everything okay?"

"Just give me a minute to take some measurements,"

"Okay, your dates may be off a bit, the baby is measuring closer to seven weeks."

Annie and Ryan look at each other as they calculate in their heads, "The safe house," says Annie. "Our first time together."

The doctor takes the probe out of Annie and continues, "Due to your recent heart surgery and heart condition, I recommend you have weekly prenatal check-ups for the next month, and if everything looks good in the second trimester, you can move to every other week if you choose to have this baby. Now have you been experiencing any nausea or cramping?"

"I was feeling pretty nauseous and more tired than I ever felt the last few days. I thought it was a result of stress and my heart condition, I had a lot of unexpected news to digest the last few days." Ryan's stomach drops as he hears her talking about the effect the last couple of days had had on her knowing he was the chief cause of her stress.

The doctor presses some buttons on the machine and prints up some pictures of the baby and hands them to Annie. "Here, for your scrapbooks. Now I'll leave a prescription for prenatal vitamins, remember to take it easy, and eat healthy even if you haven't made a decision about whether to keep the baby or not. Pregnancy is a lot of work on a woman's body, you will feel tired and morning sickness hits throughout the day during the first trimester and beyond for some women, eat many small meals to help with nausea. Now if you choose to abort, its better sooner than later, I recommend you make a decision soon."

"Doctor, can you remove records of my pregnancy? It's complicated, but I don't want my pregnancy recorded anywhere."

"I'll delete the record of this ultrasound, but you'll have to take care of the surgeon's notes with him as well as the hospital records." You don't need a prescription for prenatal vitamins, you can buy them over the counter, but I recommend on with DHA. And not to rush you, but I'm here all day and tomorrow, it would be best to terminate before you leave the hospital since you're already here and I'm familiar with your case."

"Thank you," says Annie as the doctor leaves the room.

Ryan takes the food out from the packaging and arranges it on the hospital table for Annie, all the while not taking his eyes off of her. "You're worried? What's bothering you?"

"I don't know, just want to be careful. I thought I covered my heart condition up pretty well and still it seemed after the information got out, too many people knew. Doesn't sit well with me."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you or our baby. I'll make sure all the records are scrubbed clean. Here, have something to eat."

Annie eats a little of what Ryan brought as she talks to him.

"I've learned not to let my guard down and you aren't responsible for me."

McQuaid sits down next to Annie and sighs, "I know your guard is still up when it comes to me. I will support whatever decision you make regarding the baby, but for the record, I want a chance to be with you, to be your partner, to look after you and to be a father to our baby. I promise you, there are no more secrets, I won't keep things from you any longer, I won't let you down again Annie."

"I can see that you're sorry, but are you saying all of this out of guilt and obligation or because you really want this? I don't trust my instincts when it comes to relationships anymore. I'm tired of my life being so complicated and dramatic. My life has always been less complicated when I'm on my own."

Ryan doesn't know what to think, she said, life was less complicated when she's on her own. Does that mean on her own with the baby or on her own alone and by herself?

"If you want to end the pregnancy, I'll support you, it's completely your choice and I have no right to influence you, but there's still the matter of us, we've gotten messy and that's my fault. You know life is complicated, but because we've made it that way. Even if the baby weren't in the picture I'd still be here with you, you need to believe that. I would still be trying to win your affections and trust in me again. It's simple really, I love you and want to be with you, baby or no baby. And didn't we have a lot of good times together? You don't have to be alone."

Annie opens up the ice cream and hands Ryan a spoon. "We really don't know each other that well. It's been less than three months. Case in point, cookies and cream, not in my top three favorite flavors. You really think we can make it raising a child together? I don't want to mess up another life. I've already screwed mine up."

"Walker, you're no screw up. You need to be proud of everything you've done for the agency and for this country."

They polish off the pint of ice cream. "You could have fooled me about the Cookies and Cream, so what are your top three favorite flavors?"

"You'll have to wait to find out. I'm getting tired, can you talk to Auggie for me about eradicating any information about my pregnancy from the records here, this is a civilian hospital, he knows what to do, he's done it before. I want to make sure there's no record of my pregnancy."

"I'll take care of it and I take that to mean, you are going through with the pregnancy?"

"I don't know what the future holds, but I do believe this baby is a gift and a signal that it's time to take a different turn."

"Annie, I'm so happy to hear you say that. I want to take care of you and our baby boy. We're both wired for mission and we can make it our mission to have a happy family."

Annie is growing tired, the rush of activity with the ultrasound and talking to Ryan has worn her out. "What's this business about a boy, you know something I don't? I think it's too early to tell."

"Yes, remember you told me last night you thought the baby was a boy based on your dreams."

Annie smiles, Ryan's words trigger her subconscious. "I remember now, he was handsome in a goofy way, like his father."

Annie falls asleep holding the ultrasound pictures in one hand and McQuaid's hand in her other.

As soon as she's asleep, McQuaid goes to work on getting things ready for when Annie gets discharged from the hospital and back to his home. She's right, she needs to be safeguarded against possible threats. Anyone can access her information and the FSB knew about her heart according to Annie's reports about her encounters with Belenko and Olga. He didn't want anything to jeopardize her or their child again. McQuaid makes a call to Auggie for help. After working with Auggie and knowing how he felt about Annie, he knew he could trust him with Annie's life.


	24. Chapter 24: New Beginnings

Annie wakes up after sleeping for a couple of hours and sees Auggie with his headphones on and laptop out. "Hi there, I was wondering when I'd see you."

"Ryan called me, said you needed a favor, so I took a long lunch. How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks. And thank you for cleaning up for me. I don't want to take any chances after everything that's happened."

The nurse comes in and says it's time for Annie to have her catheter removed and to try to walk around. "You don't have to step out Auggie, it's nothing you haven't seen," says Annie. Auggie remembers that he was there when the very same thing happened after she recovered from her gun shot wounds, except that time, he left the room. It was odd to be there while his ex-girlfriend was recovering from heart surgery while carrying another man's baby. Even odder, Auggie wasn't feeling jealous, he wasn't sure what he was feeling other than relieved that Annie was safe. He was in no position to be a father and truthfully he was glad it wasn't him going through this with Annie.

Auggie chuckles at her joke. He's uncomfortable hearing the nurse talk Annie through the catheter removal, but stays and then helps Annie get up to walk the halls. He's happy to be guiding her for a change. "So, what you going to do with the little package you got?"

"I don't think I'll be returning it if that's what you mean."

"Well, I you do a great job protecting and taking care of packages. A little time off from your dramatic life is a good thing, is that where you're heading?"

"Bathroom quick!" Auggie quickly guides her back to her room where she beelines for the bathroom and throws up most of her lunch.

"Are you all right in there?" asks Auggie.

Annie emerges, "Yeah, it's strange, as soon as I throw up, the incision point and my throat from the breathing tube bothers me more than the nausea."

"Let's get you back in bed."

Annie gets back in and feels like she just ran a marathon. "Auggie, I want to talk more, but I'm worn out, thanks for the work out."

Auggie stays with Annie until McQuaid returns from work.

"Thanks Anderson, appreciate it," says Ryan.

"When it comes to Annie, I hope you know, I'll always be there for her."

"Thank you, I'm glad she has a friend like you."

"Annie asked me to locate a safe house for her. I'll get to work on that and be back when she's discharged tomorrow."

"She did what?"

"You two haven't talked? She gave up her apartment and was moving out when Eyal was taken, the sweep team cleared out her place and put things in storage."

Ryan is displeased and it shows on his face, no, he didn't talk with Annie about next steps, he just assumed she'd go home with him. She had planned on moving in and he figured they got back to that point.

"Auggie before you spend time apartment hunting, let me talk to Annie. I was going to take her home, it was the plan before she found out about the cameras and I'm sure under the circumstances, Annie will agree that it's the best course of action."

Auggie sighs, "A word of advice, Annie doesn't take well to be told what to do. She is very independent and closed off."

"I got a dose of that, but I like breaking tough nuts."

"Okay, give me a call if you need anything else, tell Annie I said good-bye."

The men shake hands.

"It's dinner time, time to eat Annie," says Ryan as he wakes Annie. She had been asleep for about two hours. He hated to wake her, but he wanted to make sure she ate and he needed to talk to her about living arrangements.

"Hi," says Annie as she looks around. "Auggie left?"

"That was a couple of hours ago. Um, he and I spoke, you asked him to locate a safe house for you?"

"Yeah, I realized I'm homeless at the moment. I can stay at a hotel for a day or two, but I'm going to need to find a nest." Annie starts to eat the food delivered to her room. She doesn't think it's a big deal and doesn't realize Ryan is upset.

Ryan sighs deeply, "Did I miss something?"

"What do you mean?"

"I thought after yesterday and our conversation after the ultrasound that we were good, that we're back to the way things were before, that we're back together and back to the original plan of you moving in with me."

Annie stops eating and looks at McQuaid, "I know I've been a bit hazy, but were we part of the same conversation? I don't remember anything being said about me moving in with you." She takes another bite, she's starving after losing her lunch.

"Ok, maybe I made a leap, but we're having a child together and before things went haywire, you were going to move in with me. So, let me make it clearer, will you Annie Walker share a home with me?"

"Ryan, do you think that's the best course of action for us because I'm not so sure, my life has been complicated and I want to keep things simple," says Annie continuing to eat.

"Can I ask for a chance? We can keep it simple and keep getting to know each other, the way I see it, we're great together and we'll be great parents together. We can take it slow if that's what you want."

Annie is quietly eating and thinking.

"I've been having the place set up for you, I had a hospital bed delivered and vetted home care attendants today. The fridge is stocked with healthy food and your favorite ice cream flavors. Our home is waiting for you Annie, I'm waiting for you to make it a home and not just a house."

Annie looks into Ryan's eyes. She's touched and surprised. He's managed to catch her off guard again by being so thoughtful and attentive to her needs. "You made a big leap Mister. You're awfully confident."

"That's one of the qualities you like about me isn't it?" says Ryan flirtatiously.

"So, what do you say?" asks Ryan as he sits down beside Annie.

Annie thinks about it making Ryan sweat and think about what else he needs to say to convince her that she can let him in. Finally, she nods showing her assent and puts a huge smile on Ryan's face.


	25. Chapter 25: Back to Normal

The next morning, Ryan is there when Annie is getting discharged from the hospital. He brings her a pair of soft leggings and a button down knit shirt. Then helps her change. They listen to her discharge orders together and instructions on Annie's meds and post-op care. Ryan says, "I'm going to make sure you stick to the instructions. Doctor's orders, not mine." Then Ryan heads to get the car while the nurse wheels Annie to the curb.

As Ryan gets the car, he's feeling happy, it took some convincing, but he got Annie to come home with him. It was the plan before Annie happened into the Panic Room, so it wasn't a huge stretch. She fought him at first, she was wary of him, he knew it, but he also knew that she still had strong feelings for him. Ryan wasn't sure what she was thinking when she wanted to get her own place, she was weak and in pain from her surgery. She had no one to care for her or to help her with showering, prepping meals, and dressing. How was she going to take care of herself? Knowing her, she was going to get it done at a cost to her recovery just to prove she could, but that wasn't going to happen, thankfully.

Ryan helps Annie ease herself into the backseat of the car. The nurse had warned against sitting in the front in case the air bags deployed. Annie is happy to feel the sunshine on her head and face. "Everything good back there?"

"Never been better. Remembering a time when I was driving and you were slouched in the backseat."

"Not one of my finest moments, but the silver lining was I got closer to you. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, never rang truer."

He sees Annie smile in the rear view mirror. "We've had more than our share of danger, let's hope things are quieter here on out," says Annie.

"Oh, I can guarantee quiet for the next seven or so months, but after that all bets are off. I'm looking forward a different adventure with you." says Ryan as he laughs.

Ryan got one of his new hires who was waiting for an assignment to "hang out" with Annie during the day for the first few days after she's discharged, she still needs to take it easy and be driven to post-op appointments. He tries his best to work from home when he can, but he has to make meetings and go on short trips out of town. They find an OB at Walter Reed who Ryan pays under the table to make home visits. He won't take any chances with Annie and the baby's health and safety.

Being otherwise healthy and in good physical shape Annie recovers quickly and eases back into an easy routine of swimming and yoga. She starts to watch cooking shows during her recovery and tries to make some meals for them which Ryan willingly eats (though her cooking still needs work). They have a surprisingly normal and mundane existence, back to where they were before Annie found out about the panic room's contents. Ryan hasn't gone out in the field since he's still recovering and rebuilding his company.

Annie has another month added to her medical leave and uses that time to avail herself of the CIA's therapy and debriefings she never quite finished. She heads into Langley a couple of times a week for her therapy and has lunch with Joan, Auggie and Barber. Calder even joined them once though he was called away as soon as he took his first bite.

It's decided between her and Joan that she would be a language specialist when she returned to the CIA and work at a desk until her maternity leave. Annie also uses the time at home to learn a new language, Swahili.

The panic room repairs are nearly completed. McQuaid is doing the work himself at night and during weekends, not trusting any outside contractors while Annie is in the house. He has a nagging feeling that he has to get it done. Ryan has a supply of baby care items, diapers, water, and formula put inside now that he has more than himself to worry about. Annie hasn't gone back in, she's been staying in the guest room, which Ryan completely understood though he wanted her to have the Master.

Annie and Eyal talked a couple of times after she got out of the hospital, but knew they couldn't keep up regular communication. The last time they talked, he said, he had to go on a long term assignment, "We'll see each other again Neshema. One day you'll just pop up somewhere or I will, you'll see." Annie wondered when that would be now that she was not going to be in the field in the near future, but she accepted it. Truthfully, it was too hard for Eyal to remain in touch with her, he'd rather let their paths cross unexpectedly, kismet as he liked to believe.

McQuaid and Annie spend evenings together when he's not traveling for work or off at networking dinners wining and dining DC's power players. They are getting to know each other by living their lives, watching the news, going for walks and sharing dinner and having conversations about their days. They find a reputable German Shepherd breeder and settle on a pup, just born a few weeks ago. They need to wait until the dog has weaned before taking her home. They visit the pup over the weekends to bond. For the first time in ages Annie has some "normal" and realizes she could do "normal" and quiet. She's oddly content and happily anticipating becoming a mother. Maybe the drive to have constant action and excitement had worn off now that she was about to become a mother. Maybe needing to be in the field was a chapter of Annie's life that she could close.

Annie thinks about contacting Danielle. She is happy to have McQuaid to share ice cream with, but what she really wanted was to share her news with her big sister. But she still thought Annie was dead. Annie spends hours drafting a letter to Danielle telling her everything that's happened, but keeps scrubbing her drafts and rewriting the letter.

Ryan asked her what she was working on, but she didn't want to talk about it at first. He didn't know much about her family life beyond little snippets here and there. He had already violated her enough so he refrained from doing any more research on her family or her past. He vowed he'd get to know her the old fashioned way without using the vast resources at his disposal.

Ryan is curious as he works on his laptop reading mission reports. He's reminded of Maracaibo because of a report from one of his operatives there to track down another fugitive. "Hey Walker, you know what I've always wondered about?

Annie is reading one of the many pregnancy and new baby care books she and McQuaid have purchased. She looks up from her end of the couch, "What's that?"

"Remember our time in Maracaibo?"

"As much as I want to forget that mission, it's clear as day, why?"

"Well, I got out of being cuffed with cold cash and left with a lead to track down Borz. I found the phone that you stashed on my Rover and dumped it, nice move by the way, So how did you manage to get out of being detained by the police and how'd you find Borz before my guys and I did?"

"Has that been weighing on you the last couple of months now? Didn't like to be beat by a lone female operative who used her wits instead of brawn and endless amounts of cash, huh? You know money doesn't buy everything," says Annie with a sly smile.

He laughs, "How'd you track him down so fast?"

"Best lead was the Imam's daughter, once I found her it was easy to turn her. I know how to talk to a lonely and bored girl. I got the lowdown on him and moved in."

"You know you should have teamed up with me earlier, it might have gone down differently you know," says Ryan.

"I think I did fine on my own, you're just cut up because I found him first." The conversation is getting a bit intense.

"Don't forget I saved you, I found you unconscious on that dock and got you the medical care you needed. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I didn't come upon you."

"Yeah, you got there after I chased down and knocked Borz unconscious by myself, a thank you would suffice."

"What was your plan? Borz could have regained consciousness before you and rolled you into the river or found some other way to take care of you. Did you think of that?" says an incredulous Ryan. The emotions of watching Annie hurt and vulnerable return.

"I wasn't expecting to have an episode in that moment. My plan was to take him down and then extract him for questioning."

"When I saw you lying there, my heart stopped. I felt like a jackass for leaving you on cuffed to that curb. You promise me, you won't make dangerous calls like that again?"

"I don't think I'll be out in the field anytime soon. Still have the matter of my medical clearance to work on."

"Knowing you, you'll get back in shape in no time. So are you going to tell me how you got out of police custody?"

Annie smiles slowly.

"Okay, you be the Venezuelan military police and I'll play Andrea Quinn, my cover while I was in Maracaibo," says Annie excitedly. She wanted to lighten things up.

"Are you serious?"

"Do you want to know or not?"

In that moment, McQuaid is washed in love for her. He can't say it enough. He loves how she talks to him and challenges him. She's just beautiful sitting there on the couch barefoot in her leggings, tank top and loose cardigan.

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Just act like a cop who caught a woman hovering over a body."

Ryan thinks about it, then says, "Ms. Quinn, why were you hovering over the corpse of a man who was just shot?"

Annie plays the ditzy blond to a tee. "Well, I don't know, I was curious I guess. I've never seen a dead body before."

"And what brought you to Venezuela?"

"It's kind of embarrassing, but I to see a doctor."

"A doctor?"

"I came for breast implants, it's so much cheaper here than back home in Canada." Annie looks down sheepishly embarrassed. "It was my boyfriend's idea."

McQuaid is laughing so hard, "Seriously, that got you off? How do you come up with this stuff off the cuff and the acting, you're amazing Annie Walker. Should I start to wonder what about what you say to me?"

"What can I say, they trained me well at The Farm, and that's why I was one of the best operatives Langley had out there, one that could beat four guys flashing a ton of cash."

"No, no Walker, some of this you can't teach or learn, you amaze me, you're a natural at improvisation. You have a career in Hollywood if being a field operative doesn't work out for you."

"You'd support me continuing as an operative after the baby?"

"Why wouldn't I be? You'd be okay with me going out in the field if needed, right? You know I still like to get my hands dirty every once in awhile."

Annie smiles. "Of course, we're all in this for the love of country, for the greater good, to keep Americans safe here and abroad. Our country needs people like us."

"You're so damn sexy to me right now, from the Andrea Quinn bit to being a supportive partner and patriot, though I have to say as your boyfriend, I would NEVER suggest you need a boob job, they're looking pretty ample right now. Pregnancy suits you Walker."

"Well, that's what the soldier said to me too."

"Huh? What else did you have to do to get out of custody," asks a somewhat worried McQuaid.

"Relax, he just let me know that I was beautiful as I was, that I didn't need breast implants. I haven't had to use my womanly ways that much in my time as an operative." Annie remembers Simon, but he wasn't a sacrifice at the time, but just as quickly as he entered her mind, he left as McQuaid continued to kiss her and heightened her senses. He pulled her off the couch and walked backwards with his hands on the edges of her cardigan leading her to the Master bedroom. She kisses him back as he reaches those ample breasts they were just talking about. They land in bed taking their time enjoying each other. Ryan is gentle with Annie, drawing out every touch and every kiss, all the while he's is thinking he's the luckiest man alive. She makes him feel complete, he's loving his life with her.

After they make love for the first time since Annie's surgery, they lie in bed talking some more. "You want to spend the night?"

"Um, in case you haven't noticed, I've been living here for the last two weeks."

"I mean here, in the Master with me."

Annie smiles. "Sure, I'd love that. I just need to get something first."

"Stay right here, I'll go get your drug and vitamin cocktail, want anything else? Nevermind, I know mint tea and ice cream. What will it be tonight? Rocky Road, Green Tea or the Vanilla Fudge Ripple?"

Annie looks at Ryan, "I can get it myself."

Ryan looks at Annie, "Stay put and rest, let me serve the pregnant lady. Here, take a look at these baby names," says McQuaid as he hands her a book of baby names.

Annie smiles, "I see what you're doing here"

"What am I doing?"

"Trying to keep me here in your room."

"It's _our_ room and why is that a bad thing? It's about time no? You've been here for two weeks."

"Has it been that long?"

"Well, the baby is nine weeks and a day old in there and you got here at seven weeks and a day so, yeah, that makes it two weeks," says McQuaid as he gently rubs Annie's belly. She looks at him and puts her hand on top of his and then runs her fingers along the back of his hand. "You've been keeping track?"

"Well, yeah, I want to know what's going on inside there, so I've been keeping track and doing my research. At week nine the baby is the size of a grape and his heart has formed into four chambers." says Ryan as he leans in and kisses Annie tenderly. Annie narrows her eyes, remembering another time he had gone and done research on her heart condition. It was a moment that endeared him to her back in Azerbaijan.

"Where have you been all my life? I love you Ryan McQuaid," says Annie. Ryan stops and looks at her. "Well, I was wondering when you'd admit it. I'll memorize every week just to hear you tell me you love me." Annie laughs and pushes him away from her.

"I'll take some Vanilla Fudge Ripple."

"I love you too Annie Walker, don't you ever doubt it," says Ryan.

Ryan returns in five minutes with Annie's tea, medications, big bowl of ice cream, and two spoons.

"Come up with any good ones?" asks Ryan referring to baby names.

"I don't know, I always liked good old fashioned names, the classics, nothing trendy."

"Same here, maybe something with a bit of Irish?"

"I like your name, how about Ryan Junior?"

He smiles. "I'm not sure I want my boy to feel like he has to live up to a name."

The happy couple enjoys their ice cream in bed while debating baby names.


	26. Chapter 26: Annie's Sacrifice

Note: It was a long build up to this chapter where we finally hear from Ivan Kravec. He was the original inspiration for this story, but it took a long road to get here.

Annie is about 12 weeks pregnant and nearly a month has passed since her surgery. Annie's cardiologist said her heart was close to functioning normally so she eases into a more rigorous exercise than swimming and yoga and is allowed to drive. Her weekly prenatal visits show that her baby is developing normally and is healthy. Annie's nausea was dissipating now that she was entering her second trimester. Ryan and Annie plan a few days away to celebrate her recovery, with the doctor's okay, they go to Ryan's beach house on the Virginia coast.

Ryan never quite mastered vacationing, he still has to take a couple of calls and get read in on active missions everyday, but Annie enjoys reading and walking, sometimes jogging along the beach in solitude while he works. Sometimes he gets Annie's thoughts and opinions on missions, he's feeling her out to see if she may want to reconsider McQuaid Securities rather than return to the CIA. She was afterall one of the most skilled spies he had met, he had an idea of how she could work for him. He wanted her to train his top people in the art of spycraft, she did have it down as an art. He was back at the house making lunch and talking to Jim, his interim Chief Operating Officer.

Meanwhile things are abuzz at the DPD. For the last couple of hours, they have been working nonstop. After all the past mistakes and not running down leads with certainty, everyone is skittish about making calls without proper vetting. Auggie had been trying Annie's cell. He notices it buzzing incessantly. Ryan goes to Annie's phone and sees that Auggie has called three times in succession. Then Ryan's phone buzzes while he's on with Jim. Sensing that something was up, he tells Jim he'll call him back. Jim says, "It must be important because Joan Campbell is calling me on my landline. Langley wants to reach you. Never a good sign."

"Just to be safe, will you send some guys over this way, I don't have a good feeling about this Jim."

"I'm on it."

Ryan hopes he's wrong, but he can't tamp his growing concern, he runs out to look for Annie on the beach. He listens to his voicemail from Auggie. Apparently there's critical intel that concerns Annie and Langley is sending a ride. He doesn't see her on the beach and begins to panic. He shouts out for her, she's nowhere to be seen in either direction. He looks at his watch, she said she'd be back at noon for lunch and it was five minutes past noon. He keeps shouting her name with more ferocity. He turns around and runs back towards the house when he sees her inside looking puzzled. She walks to the French doors leading to the deck and and arrives at the top of the steps leading to the sand. "I'm right here, what's going on? I heard you from the front of the house."

He runs towards her and embraces her tightly, then kisses her. "Where were you? I didn't see you along the beach. Take your phone next time."

"I came around the front. I was clearing that spot we said was perfect to plant tree." Ryan leads Annie inside while looking around the house. "Did you see anything unusual out front?" Annie looks at him puzzled and says "Come on Ryan, stop being such a worry wart, I was just a couple of minutes late."

Ryan leads Annie inside, then grabs a Beretta 8000 series he's kept hidden under an end table by the French Doors. "Lock the door behind you, grab a gun and call Auggie back. I'm going to check the perimeter and come around the front."

Annie knows Ryan isn't paranoid, something's happened. She does what he asks and locks the door drawing the curtains. Out of habit she still carries her Beretta PX4 given to her by McQuaid, she runs to get it from her Prada Hobo, then grabs her phone off the kitchen counter where it looked like McQuaid was almost done making lunch. She heads to the front door and looks out the window seeing Ryan. She unlocks the door for him. "Did you get a hold of Auggie? He's been calling your cell, I missed a call from him. Some shitstorm is coming. I don't know what it is, but I don't have a good feeling."

Annie's phone buzzes in her hand. She answers.

"Auggie, what's going on? I was out for a . . ."

Auggie interrupts, "Something worrisome came to the DPD and we spent some time vetting it. I'll just rip off the band-aid, you're in danger and we need to get you to safety."

"Uh, you gotta tell me more." says Annie as she looks over at Ryan with a furrowed brow. It's enough for Ryan to get on the phone. He's calling Jim back.

"It looks like Ivan Kravec landed in DC late last night," says Auggie in a serious tone.

"Ok, what does Kravec being in DC have to do with me?" At the mention of Kravec's name, Ryan's wheels start to turn. He says, "Put him on speaker Annie."

At the same time Ryan reaches Jim. "Jim, what's the ETA on the guys heading over here? They just left the Bethesda airfield, so they're less than an hour out."

"That's not good enough Jim."

Jim doesn't miss a beat, he knows Ryan and if he says he needs help, then he needs it. Jim needs no further explanation. "I have a buddy at Pendleton who owes me a few, I'll see if he can round up a few guys and head over now."

"Make it worth their while Jim, money's not a problem"

"Joan said this was about Ivan Kravec being on our turf. What do you think he wants? You shot him in Paris right? Is this about revenge?"

"Don't have a pulse on that yet. I'll keep you posted."

While Ryan is talking to Jim, Annie says to "Auggie, I'm here at McQuaid's beach house and I'm putting you on speaker."

"I know where you are, we're sending a ride your way to collect you both."

McQuaid looks over at Annie concerned. "What? You need to back up and tell me what you have," says Annie.

Ryan interjects, "Kravec was on the top of my list when I put those cameras at your place Annie, I had this feeling about him. When I found out he was traded, I wanted to keep tabs on you. How did the asshole get in the country?" asks Ryan.

"We're not sure just yet how, but we learned that he is after you both and Natasha for burning him in Paris. We're found Tash and are about to approach her in Montreal. She will put up a big fight, I'm sure."

"How trustworthy is this intel?" asks Annie who still quite doesn't believe she is in danger. Meanwhile McQuaid fully believes there is a credible threat. "Anderson, why are we just hearing about this now?"

Auggie sighs, "Because, I wanted to be sure before I sent Annie into a panic. Remember Roger Bennett's source at the Russian embassy? She left me with the intel and it checks out. We have yet to get eyes on her. She has slipped our notice, she's good, former FSB afterall."

"What could Kravec possibly think he could accomplish on American soil, does he think he can drag Annie and me back to Moscow? He'll do it over my dead body!" says McQuaid.

"Why would the Russian at the embassy share this info?" asks Annie.

"Well, money, love, and ideology are always the top a motivators, but in this case, I think it was guilt. She said she wanted to help us, she felt bad about Roger and keeping quiet about Belenko after Roger died. She overheard that Kravec was expected and was waiting to receive all the FSB has collected on you Walker. The source also said, Kravec was looking for the two women and man who hacked into his bank and landed him into CIA custody. Seems this is about looking for payback," says Auggie.

"Payback? By the Russians or Kravec?" asks Annie as she looks over at Ryan seeing the worry on his face as he runs around the house securing the locks and windows. "Does it make a difference now? Looks like Kravec has the consent of the FSB if they handed him files on you two and Natasha."

"You met with this source?"

"No, she left me the docs which is why we had it vetted it thoroughly. She's a ghost my guess is she's up there on the food chain and a seasoned spy herself."

"How do you know she's not lying?"

"Call it my gut. Remember the bugs McQuaid planted at your place and how we found ones that weren't his. We thought they were planted by Saeed's men to track Eyal. The source confirmed those were placed there for Kravec. It makes sense now."

"You believe the source?"

"Yes, because she said she planted them there herself, she knew the equipment, described your apartment and the footage. I think she has some personal stake in this as well. It's about guilt over Roger, but I get the sense that she wants to stop Kravec for another reason."

"It's never going to be over is it? I am always going to live with the repercussions of what I've done as an operative," says Annie.

"We're on all cylinders here looking into his movements, aliases, accounts, properties and contacts here. He may be disguised, he'd have to be to get past facial rec. But if he has been watching you, he probably knows about your relationship with McQuaid and your whereabouts. Any chance your security protocols have been compromised Ryan?" asks Auggie.

"I suppose anything is possible, Annie's been with me the last couple of weeks, my homes are swept regularly and after Caitlyn, I vetted all my guys. This home is not registered to me. A security detail is on its way here from my Bethesda facility and Jim's calling in favors at Pendleton," says McQuaid.

"Everything's going to be okay, our team will be there in less than 20. Just get ready to leave and we'll bring you to a safe house."

"Wait, the best thing is for us to separate Ryan. He wants both of us, we don't want to make it easy on him," says Annie.

"Auggie, I have a lot of safehouses, I can take Annie to one of them with my guys. Kravec was involved with Chicago, who's to say he doesn't know about the CIA's safehouses?"

"We have to believe that if Kravec was keeping tabs you two, he's studied your holdings too, we haven't had time to vet your places."

"Well, you should have called us as soon as this intel appeared," says Ryan.

"Okay, it's not time to argue. I don't want to be a sitting duck here. We should just leave and meet up with the teams at Pendleton, it's just down the road. Thanks Auggie." says Annie.

"Annie, stay put, I'll call you when they're there," says Auggie.

Annie looks at Ryan who walks over and wraps his arms around her. Ryan speaks first, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Let's get you in the panic room and get a vest on you, it's best to stay here. You know I hate telling you what to do, but I want you to stay out of the action on this."

"Say no more, I know it's not just me anymore, I have fallen in love with our baby already and I promise to keep him safe."

"And, no chance I leave you Walker, we're staying together." says Ryan.

"I will be fine with the CIA's protection. Now's the time to show me that cache of weapons you have here. We'll need some in case we encounter trouble before the backup arrives," says Annie.

Ryan headed to the panic room and entered the PIN code.

She's let her self get comfortable again and that is always when trouble strikes. McQuaid is confident that everything will be okay, but on the inside he's worried and thinking about all the holes in his security, what had he not noticed? Annie quickly packs up, familiar with having to leave a place quickly.

McQuaid says, "Don't worry, we're are safe here for now. I make sure all my homes are fortresses. I won't let anything happen to you."

"Do you think he knows about the baby?"

"I hope not."

"Let's get out of here. I don't like staying put."

"It's the safest place for us right now. We have the CIA on the way and my guys."

"It's hard for me to just sit around waiting."

"I know, sharks don't stop swimming, but in this case, it's best to stay put."

Annie and McQuaid get more weapons ready and vests on, then McQuaid places a tracking device on Annie's earrings. She puts one on his watch. Here's another one, for safe measure. He places it on the inside of her bra. They put on earphones to communicate with each other.

Since the crack of dawn, a car had been watching McQuaid's Bethesda facility. It was watching the comings and goings. Mostly it was mechanics and maintenance folks arriving for work. A cluster of well-dressed folks arrived and boarded a private jet. It was dead for a lot of the day. Just about twenty minutes ago a car pulled up with four fit men all carrying gear. They logged in and were getting ready to board a helicopter. The man in the car called someone and said a helo was being prepped at McQuaid's Bethesda facility with four armed men. "It must be headed towards your target." Kravec had his man hack into the system to get the flight plans. He now knew exactly where Annie Walker and Ryan McQuaid were and it was a race to see who would get to them first.


	27. Chapter 27: Annie in Trouble

**Chapter 27**

Ryan and Annie are inside the panic room at his beach house. He shows her the exit. "In case things go sideways, here's the escape route, takes you up into the garage. Get in the car and drive out."

"Hope it won't come to that," says Annie. "I still think we should drive outta here now. It's not too late."

Ryan turns on the video feeds. Annie steps out to grab the stack of baby books and prenatal vitamins she brought to the beach house. "Can't have these lying around… is there anything else that gives away the baby?"

Suddenly she hears what sounds like a large vehicle pull up and goes to the door looking suspicious, she looks out the window. "CIA is early, Auggie said it would be twenty minutes. It's only been about seven minutes. I'll check it out." She walks to the door when Ryan says, "Don't! Didn't Auggie say he'd call?"

"Get in now. Don't come out until you hear from me or Auggie."

"You're coming in too Ryan!"

"Back up is on the way, I'll hold them off as long as I can. Go. Now!"

"Let's wait it out together. Please," says Annie with pleading eyes.

"Walker, remember what we discussed. Let me keep you and our baby safe."

He wants to protect her. "I love you."

"Love you too." And the door closes as she hears gunshots.

Ryan managed to get behind the kitchen island and is ready to return fire. He quickly assesses that there are four men. Two entered the back and two were at the front.

Annie calls Auggie and turns to the security screens. Ryan has taken down the two men who arrived from the back of the house and has turned around to focus on the men who just entered the front of the house. Suddenly the room is filled with smoke. Ryan fires blindly shattering glass light fixtures in the entry way and the skylights. He hopes someone will see the smoke coming from his house. Suddenly, Annie sees two more men arrive from the back. "Two more at your 6 o'clock," she says to Ryan.

Ryan opens fire on the men who entered the back.

"Auggie, they're here now at least four maybe more. Ryan's out there alone, we need help NOW!"

"ETA is less than ten minutes"

"Ryan doesn't have ten more minutes!"

"No matter what happens stay put, McQuaid is trained for this, he'll make it."

"You heard him Annie," says McQuaid as he holds the two who entered the back at bay.

Kravec enters the scene from the front of the house. Two of the men from the front advance into the kitchen as two more men who came from the back, creep forward. Ryan's surrounded on all sides. He fires at the two from the back and hits one.

"Lower your weapon," says one of the men.

"This is my home, you don't come into another man's home uninvited and tell him what to do," Ryan's weapon is still drawn at the ready.

Kravec steps forward and appears before Ryan as the smoke dissipates. "Ah, Mr. McQuaid, you are the one who shot me in Paris, yes? I'm here for Martine Miller or shall we say Annie Walker?"

"Kravec, as you can see, it's just me here."

Kravec looks around and sees that there were two place settings on the table and two sandwiches made on the counter. Ryan sees where Kravec's eyes take him and his heart drops, but he needs to maintain the upper hand and keep buying time.

"I can see plainly you are lying Mr. McQuaid."

"She was extracted by the CIA already. I've been waiting for you. More men are on the way, so if you want a chance at escaping, you better leave now."

In his sinister voice, he laughs, "Since you speak of manners, you should enlighten your girlfriend. She entered my home as my guest, then she drugged me and stole from me. Did you know she's an accomplished liar? She's much better at lying than you Mr. McQuaid."

"The minute we learned you were after her, she was extracted. You're not going to find her here."

"That's where you are wrong, I know she's still here and I'm here to show her what I do to people who lie to me."

"Kravec, you became fair game the minute you funded a terrorist attack on US soil. She was doing her job," shouts McQuaid.

Meanwhile Annie is watching and listening to everything inside. Every fiber of her being wanted to get out there. She had the element of surprise on her side.

"I will ask you one more time before I take action. Where is she? Where is your girlfriend? Tell me now and you will live Mr. McQuaid."

"Fat chance Ivan, as McQuaid ducks behind his kitchen island and shoots."

McQuaid for all his fire power is about to be overpowered by Kravec's men. Annie is having a hard time watching all this unfold. Auggie says that help is on now five minutes away. Annie says, " I can't let Ryan flounder out there on his own. "

"For God's sake, stay put Walker! Ryan is a trained Navy Seal and they are on his turf, he will be fine."

"Auggie I can't, they're going to kill him."

"Annie think about yourself and your baby, don't do anything, Ryan would want you to stay inside. We are 5 minutes out now."

Annie is standing with her arms spread apart on the table in the front of the cameras. She's trying to weigh the risks of going out and revealing herself. The CIA was only five minutes out. Could McQuaid last that long?

"I know she's here," shouts Kravec. "I'm losing patience." Annie watches it all unfold. She quickly formulates a plan as she looks at the equipment Ryan has in the room. She has the tracking devices on her, there's no way the CIA can't catch up with her if she's caught.

"Miss Walker, you will show yourself if you want you boyfriend to live."

"You'll never get away this Kravec. Where do you plan on going where we can't track you down? There's no where you can go."

Annie sneaks out of the panic room through the exit Ryan showed her. She comes around the back of the house and throws a flash grenade to distract the men. She shoots and kills two of Kravec's men. By then Kravec has disarmed McQuaid while he was distracted by the fact that Annie is now out in the open. Kravec has a gun to McQuaid's temple. "Mr. McQuaid, how does it feel now to have a gun pointed at you?"

Annie comes up from behind and says, "Let him go!"

Kravec turns around.

McQuaid sees Annie and gives her an intense and disappointed look. "Annie what are you doing?"

"He wants me, not you."

"Don't worry, I will enjoy taking care of your Annie," says Kravec.

"What can I do for you Ivan? You heard Ryan, the CIA is on the way."

"They won't get here in time," says Kravec.

"You speak of manners, now it's time to keep your word. You said you'd let McQuaid go in exchange for me."

Kravec says, "Yes, that is the deal."

Kravec's man left standing zip ties Ryan's hands to the oven door. Annie looks at Ryan and sees the worry and anger in his eyes. She lets him know it will all be okay. "What now?"

Kravec approaches Annie while his gun is trained on McQuaid. He takes Annie's gun, then takes out a syringe. He holds his gun to McQuaid. "No! You said you would let him go," shouts Annie.

Kravec shoots McQuaid.

"Oh he'll live, I want him to go on knowing that he couldn't protect you and that his woman needed to protect him."

Kravec shoots Ryan in the shoulder, as Annie struggles and yells profanities at Kravec and his man. She calls out his name. Auggie hears it all and it's killing him that he can't be there to save her like she saved him. "We're even Mr. McQuaid, that's for shooting me in Paris."

Then Kravec says to a struggling Annie, "This is for you Annie Walker," and inserts the syringe into Annie. It takes a bit for the drugs to kick in, Annie eventually pulls away and grabs a kitchen towel. She makes it to Ryan's side and says, "You'll be okay" as she applies pressure to his shoulder wound. She begins to lose consciousness as Kravec clocks Ryan with the handle of his gun. They both lose consciousness.

Kravec and his men drag Annie into a car that speeds away.


	28. Chapter 28: Tracking Annie

The CIA's team and Jim's buddies arrive simultaneously about five minutes later. McQuaid's house is in shambles and an unconscious McQuaid is bleeding with one hand zip-tied to his oven door handle. Jim's friend radios him. "Annie Walker is no longer on the premises and we have a man down."

"Shit, get McQuaid medical attention and track down Annie, look for the panic room. She might be in there," says Jim.

"We've got Langley over here telling us to stand down."

"Ryan wouldn't want you to. Stay with it. What do you have?"

"Panic room is empty from what we see. CIA is in there. Tire tracks heading south out front, need to find the tracker."

"Track it," commands Jim. "I'm on the way."

When Ryan regains consciousness he looks around and realizes Annie is gone. He thinks, damn it, she didn't have to come out to help him. The idea that Kravec has Annie turns his stomach and he's leaped into mission mode. He starts barking orders and trying to run through the possible scenarios to keep the bubbling fear he had from surfacing. It's the only way he knows how to cope with the thought that Kravec may seriously hurt or kill Annie before he makes it to her.

"There are tracking devices on her, let's look at where they took her," says Ryan to the CIA lead. He makes his way with effort to his panic room.

"You need medical attention," says someone from Langley.

"I'm fine. There's no time to lose."

Auggie calls McQuaid. He knew Annie was gone from, he heard much of it happen. "McQuaid, you okay?"

"No, not until I find her."

"You know Annie as well as I do. It's not in her make-up to do nothing when someone she cares about is in trouble. What happened isn't your fault."

"She came out when Kravec had me cornered. Then everything went sideways. I should have been able to hold off Kravec and his men. I should have been the one to protect her, how is it not my fault?"

"We'll find her. She's a survivor and always has her wits about her. Going down that path won't bring her back . Do you have, any leads on where he might have taken her? Did Kravec say anything?" asks Auggie.

"The guys Jim sent over think they headed south down the main road and so far the trackers confirm that."

"Ok, I have another angle I'm going to follow down," says Auggie. "Get your injury looked at."

Langley and Jim's friends track the tracker on Annie. They have a direction of travel, south for about five miles and then one of the trackers stopped and another has continued, but at a higher speed.

"You look like you're drowning man," says Jim's friend who was told by Jim to look after Ryan.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. You've been shot and you've lost blood. Here, Jim wants to talk to you." He hands a phone to Ryan.

"As your friend and someone who likes Annie a lot, I know you want to go after her, but you're no good to her unless you're 100%. I'm just as motivated as you are to find out who broached our security protocols. It looks like our flight plan was hacked at the Bethesda airfield."

"Shit!" says McQuaid. "Those firewall were supposed to be rock solid. Find out what happened."

"I'll keep you posted, you need to get taken care of boss." says Jim.

Ryan is taken to be treated, he needs surgery. As he drifts under, he thought, why didn't she stay inside the panic room? Why didn't they leave when she wanted to, she always had good instincts, she was right, they were sitting ducks. A dozen "could haves" and "should haves' ran through his head despite Auggie's words of wisdom. It wasn't in her nature to stay hidden and do nothing, he knew that, but hoped she would think of herself and their child. But she felt compelled to save him, to protect him. That's Annie. He couldn't expect any less of her, but he was angry at her. Why didn't she stay put?

Kravec never intended on taking both Ryan and Annie prisoner. Someone as high profile as Ryan McQuaid would be difficult to keep hidden for long. Annie was a covert operative, the CIA would not allow her capture to be publicized. He could and would get away with her. Besides, taking Annie from McQuaid was better than killing him. A morally righteous man like McQuaid who liked to play hero would be crushed that he couldn't keep his beloved Annie safe. Kravec was certain it would be torture enough for McQuaid to live with knowing that he couldn't keep Annie safe. Kravec relished in that thought. He wants to exact on Annie the torture that was done to him while he was imprisoned. He wanted to break her.

An unconscious Annie is dragged away by Kravec and his men, they speed away to a nearby field where they put Annie on a private plane bound heading south.

Meanwhile back at the last ping on the tracker, the CIA has taken over the investigation at the scene. Auggie is looking at all of Kravec's contacts in the DC area as well as his holdings. He weighs the pros and cons, but decides to try the source at the Russian Embassy, it's the only lead he has.

Auggie hears back from his source almost immediately. It is dangerous for the source, but she agrees to meet with only Auggie in exchange for a way to get out of the DC if necessary. Auggie goes into the field for the meet.

CIA team on the ground reports to Joan and Jim, "We tracked the car to a field nearby. It was abandoned, but Annie was in that car. We picked up her clothing left in the car, one of the trackers was there. No blood or other fluids, but we did find some blond hairs that are likely Walker's."

Jim arrives at the field to meet with Joan. He's with a couple of McQuaid's guys. He tells them to spread out. He looks around and sees what looks like tire tracks. "Look here and look at the length of the field."

"There was a plane here," deduces Joan. She gets on the phone to call Barber and Auggie.

Jim says, "The second tracker on Annie speeds up and then just disappears. It lost range at high altitudes is what I presume. The question is where did they go?"

Jim says to his men, "Go around and find the closest residents, ask what they've seen, and if they can tell us anything about a plane and the direction it took off in." as he tosses them bundles of cash from his bag.

Joan says to Barber, "Let's see where the closest surveillance cameras are in the path of the plane and review satellite footage. This is the best lead we have."

"On it," says Barber.

"Where's Auggie?" asks Joan.

"Uh, um, he's running down his own lead," says Barber.

"What lead?" demands Joan.

"Um, it's sensitive," says Barber.

"Tell him to call me as soon as he checks in with you. I don't like any of this," says Joan.

"Ok, I'll get to it," responds Barber.


	29. Chapter 29 : Annie's Nightmare

**Been away with family, have to clean up the next few chapters which are written, but a mess. It gets dark and horrible. This jumps around from DC and where Annie is being held.

**3 Hours After Annie's Capture**

Barber was monitoring Auggie's op with the Russian source remotely. Acting as Auggie's handler made him giddy. It seemed wrong to be eager when Annie's life was at stake, but that was part of his nervous energy. Barber placed a listening device on Auggie before he left for his meet so Langley would have ears.

The message Auggie picked up led him to a famous DuPont Circle bookstore. There were also two spotters there to keep an eye on Auggie and take pictures to identify the Russian source.

An attractive woman in her mid-thirties enters the bookstore. She browses the new fiction table for a few moments. Then asks for the travel section and goes there. Auggie is waiting while flipping through a book on Alaska. She enters and sees Auggie. He knows it's her because he heard her ask for the travel section, she followed the agreed upon script. She picks up a book on Cuba. Auggie can't see her or the book. He opens the conversation, "I'm trying to plan a trip with my girlfriend. Just not sure where. Thought I'd come and pick a book at random and see what she says."

"It's not good to be random. Here let me help you. She hands him a book. Buy this one. Be safe, Americans stand out there."

"And you safe travels to you. Thank you," says Auggie as he hands her his book on Alaska. Tucked inside were skeletons of a Canadian and German passport and a number to call for help if needed, their agreement for the intel. She was good, she avoided security cameras and the spotters only got side profiles of the woman. Auggie would try to lift prints off of the book. Little did he know she was wearing gloves. Later they would deduce that she was trained in spycraft as well.

Auggie goes to the cashier to pay for the book. He's next in line and can no longer hide his impatience as he taps his folded cane on the book he desparetely wishes he could see. The woman in front of him in line asks for her books to be gift wrapped. Auggie's heart is pounding, he wants to pay and get out. When it is finally his turn, the casher says, "Wow, Cuba, pretty exotic locale. These have been flying off the shelves recently." Auggie tries not to react. The CIA's eyes take photos of the woman leaving the bookstore.

Barber hears everything and starts to look at possible places connected to Kravec in Cuba. Auggie gets out of the store and calls Joan. As soon as she picks up he says, "Cuba, according to my source, Kravec took her to Cuba."

"Well, it won't be easy to extract her from there even with the recent turn in events. But we still need to verify this intel," says Joan.

"Annie always trusted her gut and my gut says to trust this source. She has nothing to gain and everything to lose by providing us this intel," says Auggie forcefully.

"We'll talk when you're back here." Joan hangs up.

**5 Hours After Annie's capture**

McQuaid leaves the hospital against medical advice and is at the meeting to strategize now that they have a lead on where Annie is being held. The team finds that there is a villa on the coast linked to Kravec. Funds drawn from an account belonging to Kravec have been used to pay for recent renovation to the property. Joan goes through the deck that gives the summary of what they have learned.

It appears the villa was strongly fortified. There aren't many CIA assets in Cuba, but they make contact with one who passes along some info. The small coastal home had been empty except for the renovations, but looks like activity began there yesterday. The house was being readied and a small staff of a driver and cook appeared along with about four guards. It turns out the house was once home to Hector Serrano, a former colleague of Kravec's at the FSB, they trained together and were good friends. Kravec vacationed there numerous times. Serrano was killed by Simon Fischer to protect Annie. It seems like Kravec has a bigger beef with Annie than originally thought.

After her presentation Joan says, "We don't have visual confirmation that she's there."

"Kravec isn't going to flash her around town." retorts McQuaid as he touches his shoulder.

"You should be in a hospital," says Joan.

"I have my family at stake, I'm staying," he lowers his head and everyone looks around feeling his pain.

Joan breaks the silence, "You didn't let me finish. I said we didn't have visual confirmation, but our asset got close to the cook and her daughter. The six year old girl said there was a sick princess at the house sleeping in a locked room."

Oh my God, did her nausea hit, does Kravec know she's pregnant? Thought McQuaid to himself. He's awash in anger, worry and helplessness as he grits his teeth in pain.

"Since when does the word of a six year old child equal intelligence?" asks a representative from the State Department.

Joan continues, "According to the asset who met the mother at the market, the girl said no one was allowed to see the blond princess. The mother is married to someone who appears to work security for Kravec. Satellite footage also corroborates the humint. Kravec arrived there with what looks like Annie about two hours ago."

"I think that's confirmation enough in this case," says a representative from NCTC. "We need to find out how Kravec got into the country and what else he has planned, now that doors have opened between our country and Cuba counterespionage is all the more important."

"When is the team leaving?" asks McQuaid.

"I have a buddy or two at Guantanamo right now, we'll see what they've picked up and I'm sure we can set up a base of operations there." says McQuaid.

"I'll get on the phone with Gitmo now," says Jim stepping out of the meeting.

"Cuba is not an easy country to enter, especially with weapons. We're lucky you have a relationship with the Navy, McQuaid, otherwise this may be impossible. We don't want to risk starting an international incident," says Joan. "I have to contract this out, I take it you would bid on this job McQuaid."

He looks up, "Of course,"

"It's a go then, you and your men decide what to do and keep me in the loop. I want to get Annie back as much as you do. It's my belief that Kravec may not kill her, he's interested in money, he's a capitalist at heart. My fear is he'll sell her to the FSB for money or contracts. Getting her out of Cuba would be easier than Russia."

"So you care more about Annie giving up Langley's secrets then? You know she wouldn't do that."

"You don't know what Ivan knows, with the right leverage, everyone breaks."

Ryan sighs.

"You can take along Auggie and Barber if you'd like," says Joan.

"It wasn't going to be up to you Joan, I'm in this and I won't let Annie down," says Auggie.

"What are our options for approach," asks Jim who had returned.

"Auggie brings up a map. We've identified two possible entry locations. You can get there via this point on the southern shore or this point, it's rocky and less traveled, but affords a bit more cover than the open beach over here."

"We can't approach by air. And Gitmo can't risk us being known there either, we need to go in and out without a trace. We can leave from Gitmo, but we can't go back, that's the deal," says Jim. "Wheels up in 30 minutes people."

Jim turns to Ryan, "You gotta stay here bossman. I'll keep you posted."

Ryan gives him a death stare. "No way."

**2 Hours After Capture**

Annie was drugged for most of the transport. She remembers waking up and seeing Kravec. "Ms. Miller, Browning Firearms saleswoman, do you know what weapon I am holding to your head now?"

Although she was groggy and confused, Annie was always cheeky and never one to refuse a challenge, "Looks like a classic Smith and Wesson Model One Revolver."

"Correct Ms. Miller, you once again prove you know your guns. The question is in which chamber does the bullet reside?"

Annie closes her eyes as Kravec squeezes the trigger. Nothing happens. "Ah, just as well, this is beautiful jet with Italian leather seats, I don't want to soil it. Besides I have other plans for you. So you don't think about fighting me. We land shortly."

"Where are you taking me?" says Annie as she looks around trying to assess how much time had passed. She manages to look out the window and all she sees is the clear blue ocean. She could be over the Atlantic somewhere. She still had her watch on, it was 2pm. She had been gone a bit less than 2 hours. He readies his syringe and plunges it into Annie. Before she loses consciousness she realizes she's in different clothes. She wondered what happened to Ryan and if the CIA got there before he bled out. She prayed he was okay.

**5 hours after Capture**

Annie wakes up groggy, someone is next to her, she smiles, "Oh my god, you are not going to believe the nightmare I was having." She opens her eyes fully and realizes she's in a large unfamiliar bedroom and the man next to her isn't Ryan. Suddenly everything starts to come back to her. She was at the beach house with Ryan, then Auggie called and she only had minutes to prepare for Kravec's arrival. She thinks of Ryan. What happened to him?

Annie struggles with all her strength, but there's no use, he overpowers her weak and stiff body. She realizes as she becomes fully aware that she was living the nightmare. Annie keeps trying to break free, but she can't fight him off no matter how hard she tries. Her body was weak, maybe from drugs? She bites, scratches and tenses as he secures her hands. She can only look out the window towards the blue sky filling it with hatred and determined not to shed a tear. She was going to kill him the first chance she got. But she had to stay alive and keep her baby safe. Her prayer was that Kravec didn't know about the baby. It would be another thing to leverage against her. He had already leveraged Ryan and it worked.

"I seem to remember you saying that you were someone who liked it rough back in Paris. Seems that is still true Ms. Miller."

When Kravec is finished with Annie, he lights a cigar and smokes it in the bed. She lies there quietly trying to fight back tears. After a few minutes he gets up and puts his clothes back on with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Kravec is cocky, he knows he has the upper hand. "Don't think too much Ms. Walker, no one is coming."

He unties Annie's hands and she lunges for his throat as soon as her second hand is free. But he catches her hand and twists it back while straddling himself across her chest. The weight of his body on top of her makes it hard for her to breathe, but she manages to say,

"You can't keep me here forever."

"Forever? I bore easily. I will grow tired of you. Someone will come and help you dress for dinner," whispers Kravec as he gets off the bed and tosses a robe at Annie. He holds her face with his hands. She shakes his hands off and spits in his face. Get your hands off of me!" says Annie with venom.

Kravec angrily grabs his stun gun and immobilizes Annie. He turns her on her back and snuffs out his cigar on her back causing her to scream loudly. He takes another long puff of his cigar as he relights it and puts out the cigar on her back again. This time Annie doesn't scream, she just grits her teeth in grabs the pillow turning her knuckles white. "You won't do that again Ms. Walker."

Kravec leans down so his mouth is to her ear. "Isn't this what you wanted me to believe happened between us when you drugged me in Paris and left me nearly naked on the floor of my study? Well, I made your ruse come true."

He leaves her in the locked room.

Annie's hands remain free, but Kravec kept her tethered to the bed. She looks around and sees that she has room enough to access the bathroom. Her watch is gone. She still can't quite move from the shock of the stun gun, she curls up into a ball and sobs for a long while. Once she feels more of her senses return, she makes her hand over to her ears, her earrings are gone, the second tracker was gone. She tries not to fall into despair. She knows she has to escape somehow, it's her only chance to save herself and her baby and to keep from enduring Kravec again. She is sore and moving hurts the burns on her back, but she gets up and makes it as close to the window as she can. It looks like she's on the second story. She sees the ocean. Miles and miles of ocean and rocky shore lay before her.

Annie looks around the room for exits and a way to pick locks. She looks up and sees a few cameras. She's being watched, so she needs to be careful. If she could get free from the restraint on her ankle, she could break open the window, but she would need a way down. Annie tries not to fall into despair. The only thing she knows to do is craft ways to escape.

Across the way she sees a mantle clock, it reads 5:15. Was it 5:15 on the same day she was taken or a day later? Annie had no idea. In her heart she hoped and prayed that Ryan and Langley had leads. She looks around to see if she can figure it out from her surroundings. Her brain can't keep the thoughts of what she woke up to out by focusing on an escape route. The throbbing on her back intensifies. Finally Annie made her way to the bathroom where she looked around, there was again a window she could not reach. She turned to the mirror to see her tear stained face. She stared at herself in shock. She was really there. This was real. What happened to her was real. She wanted to break things, she wanted to rip the chain from the bed, she wanted to strangle Kravec, but she had to keep her head. She has to survive, she has to get out. There appeared nothing to do to escape. She had to wait for the dinner Kravec ordered her to attend. She would get a sense of the layout of the house and maybe find out where she was being held.

Annie walked into the enormous shower. She turned on the faucet and stood under the hot water for a long time before slinking down and sitting there with her knees to her chest until she felt she got the scent of cigars and Kravec out of her skin and hair. Her back stung, but it was better to feel the pain, it kept the other thoughts at bay.

Annie gets out of the shower and looks around for something to bandage her back. Suddenly a young plump woman appears inside the bathroom and addresses her as, "Senorita." Annie says to please call her, "Annie." The woman helps Annie dry her hair and applies an ointment to her burn marks and covers them with gauze. She leads Annie back into the room where a deep blue cocktail dress and heels are waiting for her. "We must not keep Mr. Ivan waiting. Come, I help you."

"What's your name?"

"Me llamo Salvadora, my friends call me Dora."

Annie makes sure she and the woman are not facing the cameras. She wants to ask as many questions as she can and is formulating a strategy for getting the woman to trust her. Annie is also trying to figure out if she should trust this woman. "Beautiful name, it means savior no?"

"My parents were Catholic before, they fled Cuba because of their beliefs, my grandmother, she raised me."

"Where are your parents now?"

"They're in Florida."

"How long have you worked for Mr. Ivan?"

"A few years. I used to work for Mr. Hector. He live here many years before he died. Mr. Ivan comes once a year. I surprise when he come. I wanted to prepare longer. Mr. Ivan is very mad when everything not perfect." It looked like the woman was going to be easy to ply for information. She was already talking so freely. Annie's gut told her that she was someone she could possibly trust. "Yes, I am not perfect."

"Is that why he burn you and lock you?"

Annie is quiet.

"Sorry, I should not ask."

Annie looks down trying not to cry. It really was easy to play the part since she felt she was on the verge of crying ever since she woke up. She says nothing and lets the woman talk instead.

"Maybe he's sorry, he sent me with beautiful dress, shoes and jewelry. He wanted me to give you medicine for burns."

Annie nods.

"My husband, he hurt me sometimes. I learn for my daughter. I learn how to act so he not get angry."

"Do you ever feel afraid? What about your daughter?"

"Oh he loves our girl. He would not hurt her. If I leave, I will never see her again. He work for Mr. Ivan, I can't leave. So I endure."

"What does your husband do?"

"He is security here and when Mr. Ivan come, he drive him sometimes. Come, you look better. Now I help you dress for dinner before Mr. Ivan come for you."


	30. Chapter 30: Darkness

Note: Thanks for hanging in. Annie will get out soon, but will have a long road ahead still. **REVISED based on feedback. Again, not my ****characters, all the characters belong to Covert Affairs/USA, bummed it's over though. **

McQuaid Securities managed to have a couple of men enter Cuba on a tourist visa via the Dominican Republic. They're young guys who blend in perfectly and speak Spanish impeccably. They are experienced former SEALS who are recent hires with something to prove for McQuaid's Flint division. McQuaid sends them with enough cash to do what needs to be done. It's easy for them to play a couple of frat boys partying and engaging in extreme sports all over Central America and the Caribbean. They water ski as close to the location of the villa as possible to gather intel until shots are fired in the air. They see roughly five guards all over the perimeter and two firing into the air. The boys wave off as if to say "sorry" and shrug their shoulders while doing circles in the ocean. The guards point their guns and waves them back in the direction they came.

Meanwhile, Annie hears the shots and looks out the window, she sees the two wave boarders and grabs a compact and tries to flash an SOS message. The pair she can barely make out are at least a hundred yards away. She wonders if they were just in the wrong place or if they were there because of her, but her training tells her it's a recon ploy. They left the view of her window, she wasn't sure if they saw her SOS message or not, but all she could do was wait. The sound of the key turning brings her to her present reality. It was Ivan collecting her for dinner. All Annie wanted to do was put him in a headlock and choke him to death, but with the security he probably had and his stun gun, she knew it would be foolish.

"Ah, Miss Walker, you look … ravishing. Come, there is a delicious meal waiting for us, I hope you enjoy Cuban flavors."

Annie is wholly confused, he was acting as if nothing had happened and she was his dinner date. She wasn't sure what was going on, but decided to play along so she could get a good look around the house and look for holes in security.

"I heard a commotion outside, what happened?" asked Annie in her signature confused airhead blond manner.

"Just some tourists who traveled too far down the beach, it's choppy out there and dangerous, the force of the waves can crack your skull." Ivan meant that as a threat, she saw his Jekyll and Hyde ways clearly, at any second he could flip a switch and go back to hurting her. If she didn't have it before, she felt she was getting a clear picture of Ivan Kravec.

Ivan extends his arm expecting Annie to take it. She hesitates, the thought of touching him made her skin crawl. A wave of nausea is hitting her, but she does her best to conceal it by taking a deep breath. "We can have a much more pleasant evening if you cooperate. You can stay here in this beautifully appointed room and enjoy a gourmet dinner or be hungry on a dirt floor."

"Dinner sounds divine," says Annie sweetly as she takes his arm. When she makes contact with him the hairs on her stand on end and a wave of nausea hits her again. She can't let Ivan find out about her baby, it would be another piece of information he leverages against her like he leveraged Ryan. When she thinks of Ryan her heart hurts, she tried not to conjure the image of him when she left him. He was bleeding and one hand ziptied to the over door. She prayed the CIA got to him in time. The thought of losing him was her greatest fear.

Annie tries her best to take a deep breath and play along, she has to do what she has to do to get out of this. As she crosses the threshold, she sees a man on a chair outside her room. He has a hand on his hip holster, she sees a jangle of keys on the other side of him. She looks around, there are three more doors in the hallway and a set of stairs ahead and a window on the main landing. Outside the window she sees a little girl playing by a casita outside. She thinks, that must be Dora's daughter, why is a little girl here? It must be a hard life for Dora. There's a car parked out by the casita and a motorcycle. Maybe they live right here on the property.

Meanwhile, McQuaid's team consists of Jim, Dex and Fitz, his most trusted core of brothers. They nearing Cuba where they will stop at off at Guantanamo courtesy of McQuaid and Jim's connections there. Auggie and Barber are managing communication and satellite footage. The pair of Flint operatives reports back that they saw flashes from a window at the southwest corner of the house. It may have been an SOS, but we were taking fire so we got out of there. They can't return to Gitmo so they have to get out via boat. The two Flint boys have one waiting in case the Zodiac the boys take from Gitmo fail them. McQuaid always makes sure to have options. He also has his trusty skeleton key and according to Auggie there is more than one vehicle parked outside the villa. The Flint guys, Tony and Nick have a safe house inland and access to a plane just in case things go wrong.

Ivan leads Annie to a beautifully set table. Dora comes out and presents a fresh tropical fruit salad on a bed of lettuce. "I hope you enjoy it Mr. Ivan and Miss Annie. There were many fresh vegetables at the market today. Tell me if you like something in particular, I'll be going at sunrise tomorrow morning."

Ivan opens a bottle of champagne. "Shall we toast?"

Annie waves her hand over her glass, "No thanks. Just water for me?"

Ivan says with a twisted smile, "I insist, we're celebrating."

"What are we celebrating?" Annie isn't quite what Ivan has planned for her and she doesn't want to find out. She hopes her friends back home have a lead on her, but she can't count on that, she has to figure out a way to get out herself.

"My dealings regarding you were more efficient than anticipated. It's your last night here Miss Walker and I'm going to enjoy it."

"What are you talking about?" A hundred thoughts are running through Annie's head. Her last encounter with Kravec, she had been made as foreign intelligence and his trip to a CIA holding facility confirmed such. He intended to ship her off to Russia into the hands of the FSB. Annie had been in a Russian prison already and wasn't keen on returning, time was running out for her.

"By 0600 tomorrow we will be on a plane to my motherland. The FSB has had a price on your head for a long time, but they gave me carte blanche to begin some interrogation as long as you are still alive when you arrive, I will still get paid handsomely as well as gain other benefits."

"You'll never get away with this, you think the CIA forgot about you after you were traded? They still keep tabs on you and they knew you were after me so how long do you think you have?"

Tonight was it thought Annie. She had to make a move tonight or she would face an impossible escape from Russia. It was hard enough for Eyal and Auggie to pull off the first time. For a moment Annie toys with telling Kravec about her baby as a way to gain sympathy, perhaps convince him to let her go to term and give birth in Cuba, but what leverage did she have? She had nothing to give him and she wasn't going to give up crucial intel to save herself or her baby. And he was an unpredictable nutcase, what if learning about the baby made no difference? What if he took her baby and she never saw him again? Annie thought it was better to hide her pregnancy.

With a sinister smile Ivan says, "Let's enjoy our dinner, it may be your last good meal Miss Walker and I want you to associate it with me."

"What do you think you'll get out of me?"

An evil smile emerged from his lips, "I don't need to get any information out of you, just payback."

Annie knows she needs to buy time. Her only play is to get Dora to help her. Dora is out of the kitchen to collect dishes. "You've hardly eaten, you did not like the salad?"

"It's delicious, I'm still working on it. Gracias Dora. I heard a little girl singing, is she your daughter?"

Dora looks to Ivan who is looking impatient. "Yes, that's Isabella." Annie can tell that Dora fears Ivan.

"I'd love to meet her. Tell her that her singing is lovely."

Ivan waves Dora away. "I'll be back with the next course."

"Dora, ¿dónde está el baño"

Ivan looks annoyed, "Show Miss Walker to the washroom and stay with her." Ivan stands up as Annie does and motions to a guard to go along.

Annie looks around to get a better layout of the house as Dora guides her to the bathroom. She sees a small stairway in the kitchen, a back way upstairs. She's well aware of the guard following behind, he's not a large man, but is muscular. Annie thinks she could neutralize him if needed. Once inside she says to Dora, "We don't have much time, I'm a prisoner here and I am begging you to help me. Do you have a phone or a way to call out?"

Dora does not seem surprised, more conflicted. "Mr. Ivan, I know he's not a good man, but he is my employer and my husband…"

"He's sold me to Russia, to my death. Dora, I'm pregnant and it's not his, you're a mother and I know what you've done to be with your daughter. Please help me. He's going to hurt me. You saw what he's already done."

Dora looks down. "He's hurt me too. Men are terrible."

Annie realizes Ivan has had other victims. "Not all men are terrible Dora, there are good people in this world. I believe you're one of them. My child's father is one of them. We will help you."

Dora says, "I don't have a phone, but tomorrow I go to the market early and can make a call."

Annie turns on the water. It might be too late by the time Dora goes to the market, but at least she'll get her last known location out there. "Remember this number, 555-0808, tell them Helvetica is in Cuba and will be transported to Moscow by 6am tomorrow. Give them my exact location. Please try to do it before 6am." Annie knows she is asking a monumental task that is endangering Dora and her daughter, but it's her only hope to make it out. "I will do whatever I can to help you, what are your parents names?"

Dora looks at Annie "Victor and Manuela Ortiz in Miami,"

"Thank you. I know I am asking a lot."

Annie goes to flush the toilet. Then turns off the water.

She returns to the table and eats her salad in silence.

"You're too quiet Miss Walker."

"What do you want to talk about? How you've used vast sums of your money to fund terrorism, drugs, and human trafficking? How you provided faulty intel that led to the death of an American?"

"Your agency sent the drone, not me," says an irritated Ivan.

Dora arrives with the next course, a lime ceviche. The sight of it makes Annie's stomach churn.

"You must eat."

"I'm not terribly hungry."

Ivan keeps eating unaware. "Suit yourself."

Annie pushes around her food taking small nibbles all the while thinking of a way to hide a knife or even a fork.

After a while Ivan throws down his napkin on the table and says, "I'm growing tired of this, I thought we could have a lovely dinner date before I begin. Dinner's over, let's go!" He grabs Annie's arm roughly taking her to standing position and leads her down the back stairwell into a dark damp basement where he throws her down on a mattress on the ground. She breaks her fall with a grimace and grunt, the force of the push even onto a mattress was powerful. She looks up and sees various bindings and tools of torture. He straddles her and secures her hands to the wall. "Miss Miller, Miss Walker, you know you're beautiful don't you. We could have had a fruitful partnership you and I. When I met you, I thought we could have a future until you drugged me and stole information from me."

Annie is looking away as he approaches closer, his face inches from hers. She could smell the mix of champagne and lime on his breath. He kisses her ferociously. She kicks and bites him as she spews curses, but without her hands, she can't fight him off. He slaps her multiple times and knees her as he reaches behind and unzips the dress. Annie presses her back to the mattress using as much force as she can to crush the Ivan's hands that are on her zipper pull, he head butts her causing her to relax. Ivan's hands are no longer pinned under Annie as she continues to grunt and thrash on the mattress. "I admire your spirit, your mysteriousness, it was too good to be true." Ivan slaps her when she spits at him and Annie lets out a scream in pain. Annie is worried about her baby, so she stops fighting him. He takes off her dress and admires her body.

Dora is conflicted upstairs as she cleans up after dinner. She is pretty sure of what Ivan is doing to Annie downstairs as she hears the muffled sounds of struggle, then a scream. She thinks about trying to get to her husband's cell phone. If she could, she would make the call now. She looks at the leftovers and decides to take her husband a plate of food. If she helps Annie, maybe she can help her get out of Cuba with her daughter, this may be her only chance.

The CIA gets a call routed from Cuba, it's Dora with Annie's message. With the new intel, McQuaid and his Flint boys need to move fast. McQuaid's team hits the ground at Gitmo and the six of them plan on storming the home under the cover of darkness.


	31. Chapter 31: Annie's Vow

Ivan has many vices besides his temper and impulsivity, he loves accumulating wealth and power, dominating women, guns, fine wine and Cuban cigars. He lights a Cuban and smokes next to Annie. He offers her a drag, "Before we get on the plane to Russia, I want to hear you begging me, you didn't beg me to stop, so you must have enjoyed no?"

"Fuck you Ivan."

"I knew you'd resist," says Ivan as he drags Annie up and hooks her tied hands to a chain. Annie knows not to struggle, she needs to save her strength. He takes a long drag of his cigar and snuffs it out on Annie's back, adding to the two scars on her back causing Annie to grit her teeth and grunt in anger, her eyes filled with hatred towards Kravec. The hope of rescue was diminishing, she knew if they were coming, they'd come in the darkness, it was going to be hard to find her in the basement, even harder to find her if Ivan ferried her to Russia, Annie was trying not to drown in despair.

"Nothing to say Miss Walker?"

Annie shakes her head. Ivan fills the laundry sink in the room with water. "After Paris, your CIA did things to me, they were fools. So easy to play," scoffs Ivan. "You'll get a taste of what I was subjected to," says Ivan as he strokes Annie's face. "FSB says, I can have visitation rights to you, so I won't mar your beautiful face."

Auggie calls McQuaid and Jim. "Okay, we can't get the powers that be to budge, so we still can't bring Annie back to Guantanamo. It makes your jobs harder, but not impossible. Exfil plan is to head to Key West where we'll have a helicopter waiting."

Jim, "Copy, what about Ivan? Do we have a shoot to kill order?" says Jim looking at Ryan. "I'm afraid that's a negative, Joan wants him alive, he has access to the accounts and whereabouts of a number of persons of interest."

"He'll be alive, I can't promise much beyond that," says Ryan giving Jim a knowing look.

"And one more thing. The woman who called in Annie's location, she says Annie promised to get her and her daughter out of Cuba. So if there's a way to make that happen too."

"Shit, we're not a travel agency here Auggie," says Jim.

"If she helped Annie, we'll help her," says Ryan.

McQuaid and his team have landed at Gitmo where they study the intel and tides before getting their gear on and entering the warm waters. They travel via a Zodiac to the shore near the Villa and wade through the shallow waters to the building. They see the light on in what Dora said was Annie's room. All the other lights are off. The two Flint operatives have anchored another boat a mile from the villa and are waiting.

Jim looks at Ryan as they suit up. Ryan is having a hard time, he's struggling to put his gear on. "If I were you, I'd want to get my hands on Ivan and rip out his throat too, I'll make sure you get that chance, but you aren't in tip top condition. We can do this. Let me do this for you and Annie."

"I just want to get Annie before she's shipped to Russia and if she's sent to Russia that's where I'm headed next. Jim, I'm going in."

He knew more than to keep arguing with his boss.

"You can't say I didn't try. Stick close to me. We'll find her."

After cleaning the kitchen, Dora sees Ivan return upstairs smoking his cigar. He tells her to clean up the basement and take Annie back to her room. He's not worried, she's too badly tortured to try anything. Ivan grabs a bottle of wine and says, "Wake me up 5am and have Miss Walker ready then too. We have plane to catch." Dora finds a barely conscious and bloody Annie on the floor of the basement.

Dora is shaking and wishes she had done more to help Annie. Ivan assaulted Dora before, but he never hurt her like he hurt Annie. She manages to wake Annie, covers her with a sheet then helps her up the two flights of stairs to the room. "I'm so sorry Annie. Come, we have to get you ready. Mr. Ivan says you're to leave at 5am." Annie barely makes it to the room. She's dazed and trying to figure out what happened. Dora puts Annie in the shower and readies clean clothes for her. The water from the shower is tinged with blood. Annie spits blood from her mouth, cursing Kravec. He took out one of her molars.

Annie regains some of her clarity while in the shower. Her left shoulder hurt, Ivan drilled a hole into in the same spot he was shot by Ryan after he dunked her head in the sink multiple times. Her left collar bone hurt as well as her jaw. She was also missing a molar. But the worst wasn't the physical pain, but the realization that she was having cramps unlike any she had experienced before. Ivan had hit her ribs, back, then punched her gut a couple of times before she started to beg him to stop. She remembers his words, "Oh, you disappoint me, I thought you'd resist much longer my dear." Annie dreamed about getting her hands on Ivan.

At that point he had received a call and left. It sounded like someone confirming their transport schedule. Annie was glad to have relief from the physical torture. All she could do during Ivan's assault was pray for her baby to survive. She felt so connected to him. She thought of the baby as a boy and talked to him, promising him she'd keep him safe and everything was just a bad dream.

Annie gets out of the shower keeping it on. She needs to do all she can to get away before she's shipped to Russia. She can't take a moment to dwell on what Ivan has done to her, she has to keep her head clear and in the game. Dora helps her dress and whispers, "I called and told them to get here before you go to Russia. They say to be ready and keep the light on in your room."

"Dora, thank you. I want you to be ready too. Be ready to leave."

Dora is nervous. The reality of leaving her only life hits her. "No, just worry about yourself. I helped you with no expectation. I wish I could have prevented. . ."

"It's not your fault." Annie winces in pain. "Let me bandage you, try to stop the bleeding and get you something for the pain."

Annie's entire body hurt, but she needed to shake it. She says to Dora, "Can you bring me something to use as a weapon?" Annie vows to kill Ivan the first chance she gets. If she has anything to do with it, he'll never live to hurt another woman again. She's glad to hear that a team is coming for her, but she knows the CIA, they are going to want Kravec alive for intel. They turned him loose once before. God love the CIA, but they turn a blind eye when it comes to assets. For once, she didn't care about the intelligence angle, everything in her wanted to inflict pain on Kravec before killing him. The rage she felt was what kept her going in that moment. She couldn't let thoughts of Ryan or her baby in, it would only deter her from her mission.


	32. Chapter 32 : Rescue

Chapter 32 : Rescue

The team gets ready to storm Ivan Kravec's villa in the very early hours of the day. Annie's body is hurting but she is pumped with adrenalin and nervous anxiety. She feels cramping similar to when she has her period, but pushes it aside hoping it has nothing to do with her baby. She checks in the bathroom for bleeding and is relieved she finds none, but she can't help but notice the terrible bruises on her thighs from Ivan pinning her down and spreading her legs. She fights back the images that flash in her head and the tears that come on. She has no time to go there, no emotional energy to spare. She fights sleep by splashing cold water on her face, every inch of her upper body aches, but she tries to remain alert.

Annie's no longer tethered to the bed, but she knows the guard is right outside. She sees the security sensors on the windows and tries to look around for something to disable the sensors. She can't find anything to deactivate the windows. It's hard to sit around and do nothing. She's sitting on the floor on the side of the bed facing the door with her body as close to the window listening for anything to show that help was on the way. Slowly she falls asleep and wakes to the sound of her door opening. She's unsure who it might be, but she hopes against hope it's help and stands to her feet with some effort, but soon the hope fades, it's Ivan and he's angry. He rushes into the room with gun pointed at her to gruffly grab her arm, she backs away from where she is and throws the lamp at her bedside and crashes it through the window, Ivan reacts quickly by firing at her.

Ryan's men had taken out the two guards at the perimeter before not before one set off an alarm at the house. The men had reached the house and heard the breaking glass and gunshots. When he registers the shots fired, he's filled with worry, they had come this far and lost their most valuable weapon, surprise. The worst Ivan could do was kill Annie before they got to her. Ryan was single minded, he had to rescue Annie. They reached a door to the villa. Ryan signals for Fitz and Dex to go around the building. Jim looks at him and says, "You good?"

Taking a quip from his dear Annie, he replies, "Never better." And they enter the house.

The shots Ivan fired went right by Annie, she felt the heat as he sped by her head. She puts her hands up and Ivan takes her with him toward the back stairwell. Dora's husband runs to the commotion shirtless with just a handgun. He has to get to his boss. Dora had packed and hidden her things. As soon as her husband left, she wakes up her daughter who she sent to sleep in street clothes and leaves the small casita to wait outside.

Ivan is pissed off as he leads Annie out of her room to the stairs. He can't believe his perfectly laid out plan has gone to shit. He wants his money from the FSB and he wants to be back in good standing with them so he can go on running Kredit Krepost with their tacit consent to continue his money laundering, racketeering and trafficking. He's been successful building a network of clients for a number of years and this blond wasn't going to be his demise.

Ryan and Jim have made it up the main stairs to the room where Annie was being held just as Annie and Ivan entered the back stairwell. . Ryan's shoulder is throbbing and it's hard to keep his firearm up, but he works through the pain. He has fought through pain before to save himself and his fellow SEALS, this time is different though, this time he's a mess, his focus is blurred because it's Annie, the first woman he's loved since his late wife and the first woman who has given him a child, the child that would give them their next set of adventures. Adventures they both looked forward to and imagined in the days leading up to Annie's capture. He failed to protect her from Kravec at the beachhouse and that fact eats at him and will continue to until he has Annie safe in his arms.

Ryan is stirred from his thoughts when he sees the empty bedroom with broken glass and a mess of bloody towels in the bathroom. There was no sign of Annie in the room where she was held. They are ambushed by two of Kravec's men, Jim whose back was never to the door unlike Ryan fires at the men taking them out. They are at a huge advantage in terms of gear, but Ivan's men knew the layout of the house. One got away. McQuaid got hit, a bullet grazed his ear, blood dripped down the side of his face. Jim knew it was a bad idea to have him there, he wasn't at the top of his game and Ryan McQuaid was one the SEAL's golden boys. He led many missions and lost few men, his precision in running ops was something lauded and studied by SEALS after him. But he made a rookie mistake and it nearly cost him. "Another inch man, I'd be dragging your ass out of here. Shit boss," Everything was muffled, his hearing was slow to return. "Come on, let's move. She's not here anymore."

"I can't leave without her," shouts Ryan.

Jim grabs Ryan's arm and pulls him out of the bedroom gun drawn, "keep your weapon up boss, let's find her." They go back down the main stairwell when they hear shots fired at the other end of the house.

The other members of the team come close to Annie and Kravec. Kravec stops a landing on the stairwell looking out to figure the next move. He tells Annie to keep moving as they hear the gunshots from down the hall. It has to be her rescue, Annie tries to free herself from Ivan's grip. He's ziptied her hands.

There's a truck in the carport Ivan wants to get to so he can drive to the airfield himself. Annie turns around suddenly and stabs Ivan with the small paring knife Dora gave her. She managed to make a strap on her thigh to hide it with the bandages Dora brought. It's not enough to overpower him. McQuaid's other men hear the commotion and manage to get to Annie. "It's over," says Fitz. "Let her go." Kravec lunges for Annie pushing her down the stairs, she tumbles down into the men. "I'm not giving you up, if I don't get you to Russia, then you die bitch!" He fires shots and misses as Fitz covers Annie with his armored body while Dex fires a shot into Ivan's thigh and shoulder. The men subdue Ivan and drag him away with them, making their way outside to the Zodiac.

Fitz and Dex radio that they have Annie and Kravec, Ryan and Jim get the message as they sweep the first level of the home. Ryan is relieved and thanks God Annie is okay. They exit the villa and come across Dora. They send her and her daughter to the Zodiac to wait for them. Dora's husband catches sight of them and tries to stop them. His daughter is there so he doesn't fire his weapon. A close contact fight ensues while Jim shepherds the mother and daughter to the boat. McQuaid, already at a disadvantage takes multiple blows before Jim goes back to help and shoots Dora's husband. Jim drags McQuaid onto the Zodiac. Ryan refuses to get onboard, not until she's on first. The other men are running towards them with Annie.

Ryan runs towards them as Annie collapses onto the rocky sand. Jim helps Ryan get Annie onboard as the two others get Ivan on board. It's still dark and they don't see that her arms are covered in blood from breaking the window and blood drips down the side of her head where it hit the side of the stairwell as Ivan pushed her down. 

Finally both Annie and Ryan are lying side by side on the Zodiac floor as the ocean water whips up. More men are firing at them. Fitz and Dex return fire, but they are increasing the distance between the villa and them soon they will be far away from Cuba. Ryan is breathless and turns his head to Annie meeting her eyes, he fumbles for her hand and finds it giving it a tight squeeze, Annie squeezes back, a fog is developing and her back is in spasms. "Annie Walker, we're getting married as soon as they fix us up, you'll look good in white bandages." Annie's eyes well up as tears sting the cuts on her face, "Tell me he's dead, tell me you killed him" manages Annie before her eyes flutter and she loses consciousness. Her grip on Ryan's hand loosens.

Ryan fights the pain in his shoulder and lifts his upper body up, "Annie, Annie! Stay with me," shouts Ryan as he strokes her face and moves her hair out of the way. He's still shouting because he can't quite hear out of one ear. The light of day breaks, he starts to see his beautiful woman, marred, the blood, bruises and cuts all over her face and arms come into view. Suddenly rage fills his body and he looks on the small Zodiac to see Ivan hands ziptied in nothing but pajama pants and barefoot. Fitz is bandaging his thigh where he was shot. Ryan lunges at him and pummels him multiple times. Kravec spits blood and a tooth out. Jim and the boys take their time pulling Ryan off. "Hardly a fair fight, my hands are tied," says Kravec. "I had a wonderful time torturing Ms. Walker, you didn't come in time to save her from me. Live with that." Jim grabs Kravec and digs his thumb into his gunshot wound. "You're done Kravec. You won't see the open water again in your lifetime so enjoy the ride."

"You should kill me while you have the chance."

Ryan pulls out his gun, but Jim says, "What are you doing Ryan, remember our orders." Ryan wanted to fuck orders that's why he left the NAVY and ventured out on his own. There was a time to follow orders and a time to act responsibly, there were too many times where Ryan followed orders he didn't feel good about. As owner of his own ship, he never had to do anything he didn't feel right about doing. He would just stop working on a contract or with people whose loyalty and morality he questioned. In this moment, he was working for the DPD, he wanted to put a bullet through Kravec's skull, but that wasn't the job. This was a wake up call. Maybe it was time for him to step out of the game. He had a nice long run, maybe it was time to turn the helm over to someone else and enjoy a quiet family life with Annie and their baby. Always decisive and sure of himself, Ryan McQuaid made up his mind, he would step down as President and CEO of McQuaid Securities and just serve on the board as Chairman. It was time for a new chapter with Annie.

He secures his weapon, goes to Annie, weeping, a throbbing shoulder fills with heat as he gently lifts her head onto his lap and he thanks God again that she's alive and will recover. _Little does he know just how long the road to recovery would be for Annie, for him and for their relationship._

As the men race out towards Key West with Annie and Ivan, the Flint boys sweep the house clean and leave without a trace of American presence. By the morning, they are on their way to Columbia for another mission.


	33. Chapter 33 : Dazed

Dazed

The next couple of chapters will jump around a bit from Key West to D.C. Some of the events occur simultaneously.

Once on American soil, Annie is given basic treatment at the small Key West hospital before being transported to D.C. Joan wants Annie back in D.C. for debrief and so she can contain any possible fall-out from the off the books op in Cuba, so she arranges transport to Walter Reed Army Hospital. Annie was unconscious the entire time in Key West and barely remembers anything after getting on the Zodiac. Her head is in a fog. She had a concussion and feels the throbbing across her temples.

Ryan remains at the hospital in Key West because he had to have surgery to remove a bullet fragment that shifted from the time Ivan shot him at the beach house. Ryan also lost consciousness holding Annie's head on his lap. Annie recalls seeing Ryan briefly and telling him she's sorry for everything. Was that on the boat or in the hospital? She can't get clear on the details.

At the military hospital in D.C., Annie is brought through the trauma unit. She focuses on nothing but her baby's well-being though deep in her heart she felt he was gone already. She felt his life go with the last blow Kravec landed on her torso. Annie had grown very attached to the life inside her, so attached she felt his end, but she didn't want to believe it. She prayed her gut was wrong.

The doctors and nurses check on her most pressing injuries. She hears and sees them rattling off her vitals and injuries. "Please, can you first see if my baby ok?" She keeps yelling despite the pain in her jaw each time she opened her mouth. Everyone stops and the trauma doctor asks, "Are you pregnant Ms. Walker?" Annie says, "Yes, with tears. Call me Annie."

"OK, people let's get the OB on call in here and an ultrasound machine," says the trauma nurse.

"Ma'am, you have some very serious injuries that need to be attended to as well. It looks from the records you came with that you have fractured ribs, a broken collarbone and those burn marks on your back need to have their dressings changed."

"No, no, not until after you check on my baby" Annie is finding it painful to talk. She realizes there's something wrong with her jaw too. She doesn't want another thing to hamper progress on finding out about her baby. There's a part of brain that knows the baby's gone, but she forgot that she knew that, her thinking was blurred again, things seem to make sense to her and then they don't. "Where am I again?"

"You're in Washington D.C. ma'am, you just arrived at Walter Reed. Do you know your name?"

"Yes, Anne Catherine Walker."

"Your date of birth?"

"Um, um, August 8th, 1980."

"Okay, do you remember what happened?"

Various images from the last few months flutter into her head: Paris, damn Paris, holding a gun to Ryan in Maracaibo, her walks on the beach with McQuaid, cutting vegetables for supper, getting in the panic room, chasing Eyal in the streets of D.C, being in the hospital after heart surgery, Ryan asking her to move in with him, Kravec on top of her, and Dora and her daughter. So many images flood her mind as Annie realizes how she got to be where she was presently. Annie nods in answer to the nurse's question as more tears stream down her face.

The obstetrician arrives and looks at the patient who has a bloody face, lips, etc. "Hello, I'm Dr. O'Connor."

"Please, see if my baby is okay."

The OB helps Annie put her legs in the stir-ups, the movement is painful for Annie and she grits her teeth and lets the breath out of her lungs. Her thighs are full of bruises as the Dr. O'Connor quickly sees. She's experienced in this area as she has too many times examined women with the same signs of sexual assault and sadly usually inflicted by their fellow servicemen. By then Joan had arrived and went straight to Annie's bedside.

"Ms. Walker, based on your injuries, were you sexually assaulted?"

Annie is silent, she says, "I don't know, I don't remember, please just check my baby, tell me he's okay."

Joan develops a deep pit in her stomach. She should have tried harder to keep Ivan in their custody the first time. He's currently being treated for his injuries too. Joan tries to soothe Annie, "He? Did you and Ryan find out the sex already?" Joan knew there were blood tests available for women as early as 10 weeks along to find out the sex and information about down syndrome. She had had one done herself.

"No, I just had dreams and a feeling, but I am sure it's a boy," manages Annie through quivering lips.

"Okay, before I check on your baby, would you mind if I took a few swabs?"

The OB looks at Joan. "I'm one of Annie's emergency contacts." Joan continues, "Can you do it as quickly and as discreetly as possible?"

The OB nods. She treats each rape victim she's processed as if she were her own friend or relative. She says, let me get all the equipment I need to check on your baby and I'll be back in a few moments. She has a very gentle way about her, being a woman who delivered babies to servicewomen, she's developed a quiet demeanor to help warriors get through the most painful yet beautiful process they would ever experience, but then there are parts of her job like this one where she had to process a rape kit. Not exactly what she thought she'd do as a military doctor.

When the doctor leaves the room, Annie begins to sob. She moves from being clear headed one moment to being dazed and confused the next. These are the symptoms of concussion for sure. Everything that happened when she arrived in Key West and the transport was a blur at first, but then clear images developed. Joan comforts her and says, "Annie, it's just us now. You can tell me what happened."

"I can't, I don't want to remember. Where's Ryan? Oh God, is he okay?"

Oh, please, Ryan is still alive, he has to be thought Annie. Wait, she remembers him holding her hand and relief spreads, the tension in her body dissipates as quickly as it came. She did see him in Key West, didn't she?

"Annie, We need to gather the evidence. Do you understand? It can keep Kravec behind bars for many years," says Joan bringing Annie back to the reality at hand.

A wave of disappointment hits Annie, if only she didn't lose consciousness, she would have taken Ivan out herself. Jumbled thoughts return to her head, wait did she dream what happened with Ryan on the boat? Was she remembering correctly? Did Joan just say keep Kravec behind bars? Is that bastard alive? Why does need her to keep Kravec behind bars? ISn't the evidence of what he's done enough?

Annie says, "I don't want anyone to know, please Joan. Promise me you won't tell anyone, Ryan especially. What happened to him?"

"Shhh, he's okay, he's still in Key West and is in stable condition. His gunshot wound re-opened and they took time to get out the bullet fragment from before, but he looks a lot better than Kravec. Guess his guys gave him a good beating. He's fighting to get here to you."

"Annie, you can trust me, did Kravec rape you?" Joan was always direct with Annie.

Annie closes her eyes tightly, "Every time, I just kept thinking about staying alive for the baby and getting out of there. I just wanted to keep us both alive. That's all I kept thinking about. Joan, Kravec should be dead that's what he deserves for Mueller, for helping Belenko, for what he's done . . ."

"I'm so sorry, he never should have been traded, we didn't realize how dangerous he was, but I'll make sure he stays in US custody for the rest of his life."

"Joan, we kept him alive, you got Kravec, now I want out for good."

"Of course, after all this, you need time to heal and recover with Ryan. I'll extend your medical leave."

"No Joan, you don't understand, I want to disappear. You owe me Joan. I've given everything and I have nothing left," a whimper escapes Annie's mouth. "Annie, you don't know that. Things will look better in the light of day and once you've reunited with Ryan."

"I can't be with Ryan, I'm broken beyond repair, Ivan he . . . I don't want Ryan to know, it's not fair to him, it will kill him. I'm done leaving a trail of pain in my wake."

"You're not giving the people who love you enough credit Annie. Many women before you have gone through the same and survived. You're a survivor Annie. I'm here for you too. Auggie, Calder, everyone will support you."

Annie starts to panic, Joan has never see her like this. "No, no one can know what Ivan did. Help me leave for good. Please Joan, you're the only one I can turn to now. I need a new identity, none of my known alias will work, Ryan will track down all of them."

"And knowing that should tell you something. I've known Ryan since Arthur was his instructor, he won't give up because he loves you deeply."

"That's why I can't do this alone. I need new passports and IDs, and stash of cash, a clean slate. And I need a way out of here the sooner the better." Annie was determined, finally clear headed.

"Annie, think about what you are saying, this is rash and a reaction to what's happened. Sleep on it. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Joan, we've been through a lot, we've had our differences. I've felt let down by you in the past, but I don't think I've ever truly let you down. I always came through for you, for the agency and at great cost, please I need your help."

Joan's phone rings. She sees that McQuaid is calling. "I'm going to have to take this call. I'll be right back, will you be okay alone for a moment Annie?" says Joan.

Annie nods. "Oh, did Dora make it to her parents?"

Joan smiles, "Yes, she did, you made a difference Annie for her."

Joan finishes talking to Ryan outside. She has about three hours with Annie before Ryan arrives.

Dr. O'Connor speaks with Joan at length about being discreet and keeping Annie's records out and the rape kit of the computer system. Joan is trying he best to cover traces of Annie at Walter Reed. "Mrs. Campbell, the rape kit may be null and void, it appears Annie was treated already at one hospital, she's obviously not in the same clothes she was in when she was raped, and we'll need to ask if she's showered, if she has, it nullifies the collection."

"We likely won't use it in a court of law, but it's leverage. Please understand, this isn't a typical case."

The OB returns to Annie's room with the rape kit. It normally takes three to four hours to complete. Joan says, Ryan won't be there for another three or four hours. Annie can relax and trust that her secret will be safe. Dr. O'Connor begins to work quickly and efficiently to complete the collection of samples and takes photographs of Annie's injuries. Annie sobs continuously and prays for a miracle, but deep down Annie knew the truth, she was so in tune with that life in her and she knew it had ended. Her bargains and requests from God had run out long ago. "I can give you some pain medication and valium to calm you down afterwards."

"No, thanks. Just some water please." Joan brings a glass and holds it for Annie as she drinks.

The OB puts the ultrasound probe in Annie, "Let's see, there's the outline of the baby. Let me just check around a little more." The OB continues to look, and remains silent.

O'Connor sees that there's no heartbeat. She keeps looking to confirm. "I'm sorry there's no heartbeat." Annie becomes uncontrollable in her crying. Joan returns to the room to hear the news. She goes by Annie's side and tries to offer comfort. Joan spent a few years trying to have a baby with Arthur before they gave up after a couple of miscarriages. Joan for all her stalwart strength could not bear to go through another miscarriage so she set aside thoughts of having a family until she was unexpectedly blessed.

Joan cried with Annie, she understood her pain, but she knew she would never understand what Kravec did to her. "Okay Annie, I'll help you leave, but you'll have to do your part. This is a military hospital, it won't be easy and it won't be easy to keep Ryan out of here, he has a lot of clout here being a former serviceman and he knows the Chief of Medicine from Annapolis. He'll probably be here in an hour or so." Joan tells Annie what she has in mind so far. "Will you be ready?" Annie nods and says, "Thank you."

"One last time, are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes."

"Annie, I am going to have to call in a favor to get you out of here."

"Just make sure we cover up what Kravec really did. I'm trusting you with everything, you too Dr. O'Connor," says Annie as she looks to the two women.

"One last thing, Auggie's outside too. He wants to check on you."

Annie doesn't want to see him, but she must. "Tell him after I get this all done with, maybe he can come back later."

Dr. O'Connor talks about the options and says Annie doesn't need to decide now, let the other docs tend to your wounds first and then we can figure out what to do. Annie says she's made up her mind, she needs to take care of the baby as soon as possible. The doctor explains the procedure.

"I'll be back after I fill out my reports. In the meantime, the trauma team will tend to your other injuries."

Annie is numb. She remembers this feeling of activity going on around her, yet she's not fully aware of everything. She just hears the words of the doctor saying "there's no heartbeat" repeatedly.

How was she going to face Ryan, she still had to see him, she had a last op to pull off. It was pouring more salt on her very open wounds. She was at the center of the last operation. Annie is in shock, but she's learned to compartmentalize after nearly six years as a spy, she detached herself from the present situation and put her game face on. In order to disappear again, she had a role to play, hopefully her last as a covert operative. It would be the hardest thing Annie Walker that to do. She had to walk away from the life she was going to have as Annie McQuaid.


	34. Chapter 34: Painful Conclusions

New Chapter 34

A small hospital in Key West

Ryan opens his eyes to a familiar feeling, he can't count the number of times he's woken up in a hospital now, maybe he was up to fifteen by now and three of those incidents in the short time he's known Annie Walker. Thinking of Annie puts a smile on his face for a second before what's happened comes back to him. Ryan feels the pain in his shoulder and his busted lip, he touches his eye where a pretty impressive shiner has developed. The last thing he remembered was being wheeled into the Emergency Room and the face of a doctor flashing lights in his eyes.

The next face he sees is Dex. Ryan sits up with some difficulty, it's not so bad, he's been through worse and not while inside a cozy and clean hospital room with a tropical wall paper border and a view of the water. Always looking on the bright side, he's happy knowing he's back on American soil. He eases himself off the bed and says a prayer of thanks as his feet touch the ground. It was a thing he did ever since his first mission outside the U.S. He would never let go of his "superstitions".

"You got my bag Dex?"

"Good morning to you too Captain." It was 0700, they had arrived at 0400 when Ryan was rushed to surgery. Dex never shook the habit of calling Ryan, his superior in the Navy, "Captain."

Dex goes to the bag that he knew he better not forget when they all scampered off the Zodiac and tosses a henley t-shirt to Ryan. He takes out a pair of black jeans and walks them over to Ryan.

"What room is Annie in?"

"Take it easy, the doc said he wanted to keep you here for the day. Something about infection and not ripping open the stitches again."

And before Dex says, "You're getting antibiotics via the IV," Ryan starts taking the tape off his wrist, the tape that is holding the IV needle in place. He sucks in his breath as he pulls out the needle.

Ryan gives Dex a look that says, no way in hell. "I have a stash of antibiotics at the office, are you going to tell me about Annie?"

Dex is preparing for a verbal beating. He takes a deep breath and says, "Annie's on her way to Walter Reed. She's probably almost there by now. The CIA had her transported back as soon as she was checked out here. They were quick about it. We couldn't stop it."

Ryan is confused and frenzied as he dresses, what was going on? Why transport someone so wounded? He remembers what he could see of her injuries, they looked mostly cosmetic, but really he didn't know what lay under the surface. "If there was an urgent need to get to a major medical center why not any of the military facilities in Florida?

"How was she?"

"She was stable was all they would say. I didn't see her. Jim spent a few minutes with her and said her most serious injuries were a broken collar bone, fractured ribs, and a concussion. They were monitoring her for internal injuries."

Ryan looks worried and pissed off, "What about the baby, is the baby okay?" asks Ryan as he squeezes his temples.

"Jim didn't say Captain, he did say Annie asked for you and said to say she was sorry."

"Where the hell are Jim and Fitz? I need to talk to Jim."

"Well after they worked with the Langley's crew to take care of the Zodiac and things here, they were tasked with escorting Kravec to a holding facility, I'm not sure where. I'm not sure Jim and Fitz know either, the CIA arranged it. They're out of pocket sir, I have their cell phones. They weren't allowed to take them."

Dex was the one left with Ryan, they drew straws and he lost. Ryan finishes dressing and heads to the door leaving Dex looking confused, "Are you going to fly us home or what?"

On the way out, a nurse stops Ryan. "Sir, you can't leave without discharge papers and the doctor's signature."

Ryan says, "Bill me."

"The bill's been taken care of sir."

Dex shrugs his shoulder. "Looks like no one wants to know we were here." Dex drives them to an airfield, "Why in the holy hell didn't they just take me with them to D.C? It's going to take us at least three and a half hours to get there."

Dex keeps his eyes on the road as Ryan looks at his watch, 0705, he phones Joan to find out what was going on and to find out any news about Annie. "Annie's nearly here and I'm heading over to Walter Reed right now."

"What the hell Joan, did she really need to go all the way to D.C. to be treated?"

"This is a stressful time, I know, but you needed surgery and Annie, I felt needed to be in a familiar setting. Plus I can have more control here, you understand what I mean, we need to contain this and I can do that better from here."

Ryan understands though he hates that he's not by Annie's side. "I'm on my way, please be there and tell her I'm coming. She shouldn't wake up alone."

"Of course. You and your team did good work Ryan, Annie's safe."

Joan had instructed Auggie and Barber to delete all footage and records of Annie, Ryan, and Ivan being in Key West, the CIA was covering their tracks where Ivan was concerned. They didn't want the FSB to send a team in for Ivan, they didn't need the FBI getting a whiff of this and Joan definitely didn't want the State Department involved. They were the ones who pushed for Ivan's release under the table. Langley's guys were able to get the police to believe that Ryan's gun shot was an accident and billed Annie's condition as domestic abuse." Ivan never made it inside the hospital. Fitz patched him up as best as he could and guarded the S.O.B. until he got orders to be part of the escort team.

Ryan On His Way to D.C.

Ryan tries to make calls to Walter Reed, but can't get any patient information on an Annie Walker. He tries his friend, Captain Bennett Wong, M.D., but his calls go straight to VM, it's time for grand rounds, so he's not answering. Ryan tries Auggie. He gets a bite.

"Hello, you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way back to D.C. Any news on Annie?"

"Nope, waiting here at Reed, no one's telling me a thing. Joan's here, she said they are still fixing Annie up, but she'll be okay. It's good news all around."

"I'll be another two hours, call me if hear anything and tell Annie, I'll be there soon."

The rest of the plane ride Ryan is happy, he thanks his lucky stars that he and Annie got out of this alive. He would not have been able to live with himself if something terrible happened to her. When she first entered his life, he was taken by everything about her. It was the way she carried herself on that tarmac in Chicago. Her confidence, her smile, the way she narrowed her eyes when he spoke showing she knew he was full of shit, the whole of it was where it began, he was hooked and ever since then she reeled him in.

He felt like the luckiest man in the world and because of this he knew his baby would be fine. In Ryan's world at that moment, he was given another chance and everything was rosy. He had found love again and he was going to be a father. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do now to protect Annie and their family. He wasn't going to fail again or let anything happen to what he held most dear.

Ryan Arrives in D.C.

Ryan finally makes it to Annie's room where he finds Annie sobbing and Joan shaking her head when her eyes meet his. He was expecting to find Annie resting peacefully. No one he talked to, not Auggie, not Joan, not the nurse at the desk, _no one_ let on that there was anything to be concerned about. Ryan felt pummeled again as he stood in the doorway momentarily unable to take another step further. He didn't want to know what he was about to find out, but he knew immediately what Annie's cries signified. He goes to her side and takes her hand, "I'm sorry I wasn't here with you. Everything will be okay. Sh, sh, sh. I'm glad you're safe."

Joan and the doctor leave to give Annie and Ryan a moment. Joan asks for the rape kit. "Mrs. Campbell, you are making it hard for me to do my job and my job is to help get justice for the victim, don't you want that?"

"That's my operative in there, don't tell me about justice. I can get justice for my friend by allowing her some peace, she wants to put this behind her. We have enough on the perpetrator to keep him in prison for life, he'll not be tried in a regular court. We need to keep this quiet, this can't get out. Her boyfriend in there, he can't know."

_Joan takes the evidence and places it in a safe in her office at home. She takes out a burner cell phone and makes a call to the only person not connected to any of this who happened to be available. Joan also knew he would do anything for Annie. _

Dr. O'Connor goes back into Annie's room. She prints out copies of the baby on the ultrasound and says to Ryan and Annie that she's seen many miscarriages that are flukes.

"There is significant trauma that may have caused the miscarriage, but it could have been a fluke too. One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. We can do an analysis on the fetus to find out the true cause of the termination after the D & C." She continues to say its good to mourn, have a memorial in your own way so she passes them the printouts of the baby. Annie is still sobbing uncontrollably, seeing Ryan brought all the pain and harshness of what had happened and what she was about to do to the surface. Annie had very rarely allowed herself to lose control of her emotions, not as a child, not when she lost Ben and then Simon, but this latest trauma might just be what breaks Annie Walker.

"Wait, what is a D & C?" asks Ryan. He's just beginning to catch up and come to terms with losing the baby. He wants to make-up for the lost time with Annie. And he's also in physical pain. He holds Annie's hand as she continues to weep. The cover was easy for Annie, this wasn't an act, she truly was heartbroken and distraught.

"A D&C is where we use a vacuum to extract the remains of the fetus. It insures that all the remnants of the fetus are out of the body allowing the patient's uterus to return to normal. The D and C effectively begins a new cycle though you will have cramping and heavy bleeding for a week or two."

Listening to the obstetrician calmed Annie to a slow hyperventilating cry, the doctor was so clinical and Annie decided that is how she had to approach what happened. She had to detach herself from everything and everyone. "I can take the remains and have it analyzed to see if the miscarriage was a result of a genetic anomaly or the trauma Miss Walker endured. The results will take about 24 hours."

"Please call me Annie," hearing her referred to as Miss Walker reminded Annie of Kravec.

"Are you experiencing any cramps?"

Annie shakes her head.

"Really no pain in the abdomen or back?"

"Nothing. I feel nothing," and Annie meant it on some many levels.

"Your body hasn't recognized that the fetus is no longer viable and it does take time for the hormones to go back to pre-pregnancy levels, longer since you were near the second trimester mark."

That explained why Annie still felt nausea. "I want to do it now."

"You can wait it out a day or two until you've recovered a bit from your other injuries."

"No, I can't do that. I can't wait around for that. I'll never be better."

"If it's what you really want, we can do it now. I'll get a nurse in to administer valium, vicodin and topical lidocaine. Then we'll take you to the procedure room."

"I don't need any medication."

"It's standard care for the procedure Annie."

Annie is insistent and refuses all medications. She is in immense amounts of pain from her other injuries, the throbbing in her shoulder from the drill site and in her mouth from where Ivan pulled a molar are incessant, but she needs it, she needs to feel the pain to avoid remembering the other stuff that happened.

McQuaid asks, "Can we have a moment, please?"

O'Connor nods and says, we'll prep the room and someone will be back to take you there."

Ryan feels he's watching a movie in fast forward, this is all happening too fast and he hasn't caught up. He just found out his baby was gone and he was really seeing Annie for the first time since he left her in the panic room. The villa, the Zodiac, none of it counted. They were having their first private moment since the beach house. He's studying her, her face, the sling on her arm, the stitches on her head and hand, the bruises and his handsome freckled face contorts expressing pity, sadness and love.

It guts Annie to see him going through this. She knows him. He's blaming himself and she doesn't want that. _Everything that's happened was a result of her choices, of who she was. Her job brought Kravec to their doorstep. Her choices led to losing their baby. If she wasn't already messed up from taking out Wilcox and giving up her family, she was now. _She needed Ryan to know that none of this was on him.

Despite how awful she looked, she was a beautiful sight to him. He had been afraid that he lost her for good and there she was in front of him. He had feared that he had to bury her at the start of the day, but there she was. He lost his baby, but he still had Annie and they could have more babies. She's surprised when he looks into her eyes and a big smile forms on his face.

"I'm happy Walker, I couldn't be a happier man. What counts is you are here, you're alive, we got the bad guy and he's not getting out again. We're going to celebrate when I get you back home, but first, Annie, the procedure, the D & C or whatever, can wait, why don't you rest and let your body. . . " he touches her face to turn it towards him since she's turned away. She can't face him if she's going to continue her act. He looks at her with forgiveness and hope when she feels nothing but hatred for Ivan and despair. She winces at his touch. "Sorry, sorry."

"Let my body heal?" she lets out a snicker. "I'm never going to get over this Ryan." OH God thought Annie, he's always got this sunny outlook, even in his darkest moments Ryan McQuaid always looked at the glass as half full.

"I didn't mean it that way, I mean, give you body a break for just a day or two. You've been through hell," he says softly as he strokes her hair trying not to touch any spots that hurt Annie.

He doesn't know the half of the hell Annie went through and Annie's going to keep it that way. She's focused on her mission and carries on.

"You don't have to stay for the D & C. You look like you could use some rest."

Ryan sighs. This is classic Annie Walker and he should have expected it. "I'm not going anywhere." That was what Annie was afraid of, he wasn't a man who would give up, he never gave up on her, he never stopped pursuing her. When she finally let him in, she only opened the door enough for him step in the entry, she's never let him into her whole being her entire past, but she was going to, she planned to until Kravec. Now that opportunity would never come and she had come to terms with it just as quickly as Ryan came to terms with leaving his life as a PMC behind to be with Annie.

"I won't let you do this, push me away. I'm here. I'm here for you. I wish I could have prevented all of this, God I want to kill Kravec right now."

Annie whispers, "I wish you had," which makes Ryan feel like crap, but he knew he wasn't going to pull the trigger, he wanted to and at the end of the day, it wasn't the order that kept Ryan from killing Kravec. It was the fact that Ryan, a man who had logged many kills in the name of greater good, would not kill a man unless he _had_ to. Kravec was in their custody and no longer a threat. Killing him would have been for revenge and that would solve nothing.

As Ryan surveys Annie, he sees bruises seemed to worsen in the time he was there. He's afraid to touch her. He reaches into his pocket for his Carmex lip balm. Annie smiles a bit, Ryan and his lip balm lucky charm. He applies some on her lips. She would miss the ways he surprised her and all the things she would never learn about him.

Annie looks at him determined and says, "No, I want to do it now. The baby's gone, I don't want to keep feeling . . . pregnant. I feels waves of nausea." Annie's voice cracks as she talks. She continues, "But I know he's gone, I don't want to prolong the inevitable." She suddenly feels nauseous and leans over to vomit. Ryan grabs the wash basin on the table as she vomits into it. Involuntarily opening her mouth wide is painful, the quick movements he had to make to get the wash basin cause him pain too. Annie leans back in the bed.

"Annie, I'm so sorry." Annie winces at his touch. He puts his head down next to her stomach and places his hands on her stomach, Ryan McQuaid sobs. "I should have protected you and the baby."

"Shh, shh, it's not your fault. It's done. Waiting won't bring our son back. So let's do this. . . "

Annie strokes his head and sees the bandage on his ear, she cries silently. There's nothing that can be done. She's caused yet another person pain and sorrow. If she had any doubts earlier about disappearing when Ryan was talking about how happy he was to have her back, they were gone now, the best thing for her to do is to leave D.C. once and for all.

A nurse and the doctor comes and says it's time to transport Annie for the procedure, before that she walks Annie and Ryan through the procedure. "The procedure itself is very quick, it will take less than 10 minutes after all that said and done." Annie thinks to herself, less than 10 minutes to remove the life that was inside her for three months. "I have some valium and vicodin here before the procedure."

"No, no meds. I told the doctor already."

"I have to advise against that, it is a painful procedure. I've never had a patient do with out meds."

"Is it as painful as childbirth?" Asks Annie shocking the doctor.

"Well no, nothing compares to childbirth, but. . . ."

"No meds. I'd rather feel the physical pain than what I feel now."

Ryan is perturbed and frustrated, he says, "Annie, you're being unreasonable, don't do this, you've been through enough, you don't need to punish yourself. Let them administer the meds."

Annie looks at him squarely and the more she talks the more she feels the pain in her jaw. She spits out, "NO, I said no meds. It's my choice. So much was taken away from me, don't take this away from me."

Ryan is tired and he's emotional too. He raises his voice. "Annie Walker, we lost our baby, we don't, I mean, you don't need to suffer any more than you already have."

"Ms. Walker, I have to agree, you've been through enough."

"Ryan, you don't need to stay for it."

"I'm not leaving you again, I'm the one who is sorry."

"Annie, is there something wrong with your jaw?" She was an OB, but she remembered her general medicine. She goes to the head of the bed and feels around. Annie says, "Ow" when she tries to move her jaw. The doctor has her open and close her jaw. It hurts terribly. Okay, we're going to have to have an ENT and possible a dental consult. I think your jaw is fractured. "Can it wait, let's get the procedure done first." O'Connor looks at Annie and knows it futile to argue.


	35. Chapter 35: White Knuckles

**Chapter 35**

**Author's Note:** Had to have a similar procedure as written below when I lost my first pregnancy and my body would not end the pregnancy. I spent two weeks knowing the babies (twins) were gone and still experiencing nausea before opting for this procedure which was horrible, one of the worst things that happened to me. It's been eleven years and some of that day is still vivid. I always wonder what life would be like with the twins. Anyway, I took the painkillers but not the valium and I felt every tug on the inside and outside. It was painful even with the meds, but I see Annie's character as someone who has en extremely high tolerance for working through physical pain in addition to her overall stubbornness.

The doctor gently places Annie's feet in the stirrups, it is such a vulnerable position to be in for Annie after her ordeal. She's trying her best to relax, but tension fills her body. Ryan is by Annie's side stroking her hair, in his own way he compartmentalizes, he didn't quite say good-bye to his child, he couldn't even go there, his only focus was on Annie. For a man like McQuaid who always looked on the sunny side of life and liked to fix problems head on, he figured they could always have another child once Annie recovered.

Annie sucks in her breath as the speculum is widened and screwed in place. "We're dilating your cervix now." Ryan moves to hold Annie's hand wrapping both his strong hands around hers. Annie tries to breathe deeply, it feels like having menstrual cramps tenfold. If this is the extent of it, she can handle it. She continues to breathe deeply remembering what she learned at her yoga retreat while trekking through India. "I'm going to begin." With the first pull of the vacuum, Annie tightens her grip on Ryan's hand, her nails digging into his palm, her other hand on the bedrail. Even the doctor can't hold back tears as she works on Annie. She stops after the second pull. "Annie, we can take a break and give you some medication or put you under general anesthesia. Since the fetus was nearly 12 weeks along, there's quite a bit more I need to extract." Ryan feels helpless, it's a feeling that he doesn't experience often. He'd bear the pain for her if he could.

Annie is breathless, this wasn't worse than enduring Kravec inside her. "No keep going," she manages to sputter out. Annie moans looking up at the ceiling. Dr. O'Connor manages another pull while Annie's face contorts with pain, her eyes squeezed tight and tears ran down her face as she grunted and cursed. Ryan shouts, "Stop, stop it." He's been part of watching known terrorists get "interrogated" with "enhanced" methods, he's seen a lot of torture scenarios and faced them himself in SERE training and in the field, but when it came to his Annie, he couldn't handle seeing her endure the procedure. "Annie, I'm begging you, don't do this. Stop torturing yourself."

Annie has beads of sweat on her head and is out of breath. She looks at the doctor, not Ryan, and manages to say, "I need to do this, you don't have to watch. I'll be okay on my own." Ryan shakes his head and mutters curses, why the hell is she so stubborn?

The doctor lets out a deep breath and keeps going. Annie feels like she's being gutted, is this how it feels to get disemboweled? Crazy and gory thoughts bombard her mind, she sees herself violently cutting up Ivan's face and repeatedly stabbing him with the paring know, why didn't she do it?

With the next pull of the vacuum, Annie holds onto the sheets and Ryan's hands. White knuckling it the entire procedure took a toll on everyone. Ryan is watching Annie's face contort, finally she reaches a place where she turns her thoughts to her baby. Annie gets back into her pattern of rhythmic breathing centering herself. She remembers what she did during Ivan's attacks. She pictured herself singing lullabies and rocking her son, she pictures Ryan proudly holding the baby after birth, she pictures herself nursing him and playing with his little ear as he drinks, she pictures herself happy. It works for a few moments before the pain overtakes her thoughts again. Annie's next strategy is to image this is what childbirth would feel like except after the pain there wasn't a healthy newborn and tears of joy, just more darkness and self-loathing.

Eventually starring at the white the lights of the ceiling begins to blur her vision and she sees nothing but darkness.

Ryan is emotionally exhausted. He demands angrily that the doctor administer some painkillers now that Annie is unconscious. O'Connor goes against patient wishes for the first time in her career, but she didn't have any qualms about it. She orders the morphine and valium for Annie.

"I still see some remnants in the uterus that I need to extract, so I will begin the curettage portion of the procedure which involves scrapping the walls of the uterus. It will take just a few more minutes."

"Will she be in pain when she wakes up?"

"I won't sugarcoat it, she'll be in pain from cramping and bleeding especially if she keeps refusing the pain killers, but with the amount of drugs I just pushed, she'll remain asleep for the next few hours, I added a sedative to her orders, just to help her stay calm and get the rest she needs."

"Annie doesn't really know how to rest," says McQuaid.

"I gathered that. We'll administer antibiotics to prevent infection, she should definitely have follow-up appointments with her regular OB to make sure everything returns to normal."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry for your loss, it will take Miss Walker some time to get over it especially since she seemed so attached to the baby. I really do suggest doing something to memorialize your child, it helps with moving on."

The doctor finishes up the procedure and Annie is wheeled back to a private room. It's early afternoon. Exhaustion hits Ryan, he's ready to crash after watching Annie go through the D & C procedure and he falls asleep on the chair next to Annie's bed only to wake up an hour later to the vibrations of his phone. It's Jim calling after he delivered Kravec and finished a long debrief at Langley. Ryan relays the information about Annie's condition and breaks down as he tells his closest friend. It was only the second time Jim ever heard his friend Ryan cry.

When Jim arrives at Annie's room, he's stopped by the guard. Ryan steps out into the hall, whispering when he sees Jim, he doesn't want to disturb Annie who had become restless in her sleep. Jim hands Ryan his favorite tri tip sandwich, a side salad, a bottle of Voss sparkling water, and a flask of his family's bourbon.

"The good stuff, thanks man. Could have used it earlier."

"You look like shit, you need to get some sleep in a real bed. Go home, I'll stay with Annie."

"You know that's a no-go."

"Worried, I'm going to put the moves on her or something?"

Ryan manages a chuckle, Jim is like a brother to him. "You wouldn't stand a chance, she's too much for you. She's too much for me sometimes."

"She going to be ok?"

"The worst is over. She's strong, too strong for her own good you know, she'll be okay, I'll make sure of it."

Jim nods, understanding his friend's resolve. Annie was what Ryan had been waiting for, they deserved to make it together. He saw first hand what Kelly's death did to his friend and how long it took for Ryan to recover, he hadn't seen him this smitten with a woman since Kelly and he approved of Annie for him.

"They want you there first thing tomorrow morning."

"Put them off," says Ryan taking a huge bite out of his sandwich.

"I'll try, but don't get your hopes up, they're all trying to contain this and figure out how fucking Kravec got here to begin with and what connections he might have. Rick and Manny managed to get away with a laptop and a couple of phones from the Villa before hitting Columbia. They're on their way back with the laptop and phones, Joan can't wait to get her hands on the intel. Columbia went well by the way, they're on their way home. Rescued the oil exec before the ransom request even hit the wires. All in a day's work for those two. They might be ready for prime time."

"Thanks for holding down the fort."

"Don't mention it, I'll bring you some fresh clothes in the morning."

Jim leaves and Ryan returns to the room.

He takes his own antibiotics and falls asleep again in the chair next to Annie's bed. He falls asleep wondering if he will ever forget witnessing what losing the baby did to Annie. She was always guarded, fearful of attachments, believing she was unfit like Mueller, but she wasn't, she had so much to give and he knew she would have given so much to their child. He knew he would have a lot of work to do to get Annie to hope again, but he was up for the challenge.


	36. Chapter 36 : Annie's State of Mind

Chapter 36 Note: I swapped what I wrote for 37 with 36. I wanted to go out of order and then back in time with Joan, but for the sake of flow, this works better. . . let me know what you think. It's setting up more of Annie's current state-of-mind.

Ryan awakens just as he had fallen asleep to a nurse arriving to check on Annie. "Excuse me sir, we need to take Miss Walker to X-ray."

"I'd like to accompany her." It was just like Ryan to make a statement rather than ask for permission.

"I'm afraid not, you can wait here, but visiting hours will be over soon. She might not be back by then, there are quite a few X-rays ordered for Miss Walker."

"I planned to stay the night here with her."

"Are you family?"

"Uh, no, she's uh, she's my. . .we're getting married does that count?"

"I'm afraid it's immediate family only," says the nurse looking at Annie's chart. "Actually, it says Joan Campbell and August Anderson are the emergency contacts and the only approved visitors."

"It's okay, I've been here with her for a few hours already."

"That was a big oversight on our part, I'm sorry, I need to follow hospital policy sir." Ryan is pissed, but he knows making a scene isn't the answer.

The nurse and x-ray tech push Annie's bed out of the room and head to a different floor via elevator. Annie's guard follows which gives Ryan some relief. He takes out his phone as it rings. It's Joan Campbell. Good, thinks Ryan, he wanted to talk to her to find out how he can be added to Annie's emergency contact list.

"Joan."

"Your associate says you can't come to Langley tomorrow morning, I'm calling to say it's not a choice. You're needed tomorrow at the DPD for a debrief your recent mission." Just like Joan, all business.

"You got the version of events from Jim already, he represents McQuaid Securities. I won't leave Annie alone."

"I contracted the job out to you and part of that contract includes making sure you close the loop, I need you down at Langley for that or it's the last contract McQuaid Securities will see from me. Auggie is just getting his hands on that laptop and the cell phones your operatives collected. There's a lot to square away, the NCTC will be waiting too, you know Kravec had ties to Belenko and it brings back questions about Mueller."

"Joan, you didn't witness Annie go through the ringer here and without any painkillers, I'm afraid she's. . ."

"She's what?"

"She just seems completely on the edge of a breakdown or something. I need to be here for her, she needs someone, you of all people should know what your operative has been through since returning from the dead."

Sadly Joan knew more details about Annie's state of mind and health than Ryan and more than even she ever wanted to know. She had been keeping tabs on Annie's movements and progress through the posted security guard. She hated being a bitch and tearing Ryan away from Annie, but it was what needed to be done and Joan was always good at getting down to brass tacks.

"Ryan the best thing you can do for her is the come down to Langley, complete your after action report and give us what we need to keep Kravec in U.S. custody."

"You mean after everything that bastard has done, there's a question of whether he'll be locked away for life or not? Give me the key and I'll destroy it. What the fuck Joan? You can let him get away again."

"I couldn't prevent it last time and I sure as hell am going to try this time, but the guys at State are unpredictable, you know that. It's all political with them and they don't prioritize our operatives, instead they deny their existence. They have a different function than us, that's why I need your eyewitness accounts to use if it comes to that. I need unassailable proof that Kravec is dangerous to our operatives not to mention he's connected to a dozen terrorists."

"Dammit Joan, don't we have that already, we cut him loose and look at what he's done, how's that not enough proof?" asks Ryan angrily, his blood is boiling. This is why he hated doing anything with the State Department, their were a bunch of ass kissing ass covering yahoos.

"Ryan, I've been in this long enough to know the politics, I'm just anticipating here, preparing for the inevitable, we're on the same side. I need your help to protect Annie."

Joan was a pro, she knew just what weaknesses to exploit to get what she wanted and doing it to someone who really was on the same team, was no different. She viewed Ryan as an asset to be turned and she knew she had him. On his part, Ryan was so distracted by Annie's condition and his own physical pain that he didn't even notice he was being worked by Joan.

It's not just the contracts that he cared about, he couldn't let Kravec go free. So he relents, "Fine Joan, I'll be there first thing in the morning, but let's keep it brief."

"It's okay, Annie will be fine. She's tough. We have a guard outside her room. There's no more immediate threat. I'll even have Auggie go there before work. He's been itching to see her, I've just had to keep him hear all day, it's all hands on deck."

"That reminds me Joan, can I get added onto Annie's emergency contact list?"

"Uh, she'd have to do that herself, its' protocol."

The CIA and their protocols. Ryan was frustrated, but he wasn't going to give up.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Ryan ends the call and looks up a number and dials it.

Ryan puts in a call to his college buddy who is Chief of Medicine at Walter Reed, Captain Bennett Wong, M.D. Bennett sees who is calling him and picks up, "Hey Q, you up for 18 on Saturday?"

"Golf sounds good, but after I nurse the gunshot wound in my shoulder."

"Man, Q, you're past your prime, isn't it time to stop dodging bullets? When am I going to meet this woman who has kept you from our last two tee times? You can't keep sending Jim, he's not got the patience for it."

Ryan says, "I'm working on it old friend. Actually she's why I'm calling. She's here at your hospital and I can't get in to see her." He and Bennett had great times as cadets at Annapolis, he loved making fun of his nerdy friend. Bennett tried for Annapolis to pay for medical school and see a bit of the world before having the life his immigrant parents wished for him. His form of rebellion was to go to the Naval Academy. He had his life planned to the minute. Bennett wasn't fit for the life of a soldier. But Ryan had pulled him out of a makeshift hospital in Fallujah before it took mortar fire, if Bennett wasn't already grateful to Ryan for standing up to redneck idiots who always tried to jack Bennett because he didn't fit the typical Annapolis profile, he was after Fallujah. Wong also knew Kelly, they were lab partners in bio before Kelly realized a life in medicine wasn't for her and went down the pre-law path.

Wong says, he'll have Ryan added to the visitors list as Annie's fiance, "as long as she's really into you too, you're not stalking her like you used me to get to Kelli are you?" Ryan chuckles reminded of how he would always ask Bennett where he was going to be only because he knew he was meeting Kelli to study for bio. "No, she's just the only woman after Kelly to get under my skin you know?"

"Absolutely, anything for a fellow Captain and friend. I have rounds at 0700, text you for some joe after that and I'll take a look at your gunshot and your girl?"

"Sounds great man. Thanks."

Ryan goes back to the nurse's station. "Hi, can you check again, I'm sure my name is on Annie Walker's visitor's list."

And "Ryan McQuaid" was on the list as Bennett promised he would do. Ryan stays in Annie's room waiting for her to return from X-ray.

Meanwhile Joan meets Annie at X-ray, she was actually in the hospital when she spoke to Ryan, she knew from the posted guard where Annie was located. Annie is still groggy from the pain medication and valium. Joan manages to be alone with Annie while she awaits her X-rays. After Joan rouses Annie, she holds a straw to her mouth.

"Since you're not going to eat anything for at least another 24 hours, I brought you a milkshake."

Annie still groggy, takes a few sips.

"I'm going to keep McQuaid at the DPD for as long as I can tomorrow, everything is falling into place, tomorrow is show time if you're still sure this is what you really want."

Annie nods and with a hoarse voice from not drinking anything and from the screaming earlier during her D & C. "This life has finally caught up to me, it's taken away more than it's given to me now, it's time to call it quits."

"Annie, as much as I know this will fall on deaf ears, you can quit the CIA without leaving your life behind."

"I've made up my mind, I need a clean slate."

"All right then, can you keep up the depressed and distraught ruse until then?"

"What ruse Joan? It's all real."

Joan looks at Annie sadly, "Right, I'm sorry, that was insensitive. The plan hinges on them ordering a psych consult, you need to do whatever it takes to get a transfer order. Then things will move into motion from there."

"Got it."

Joan tries to give Annie the protocol she set up for getting in touch with her if needed. Annie refuses. She says to really disappear she doesn't want Joan to know where she is or to maintain contact. "I want to know you're okay." Annie says, "I'm far from okay, but don't worry Joan. I'll get there eventually.

"That makes me sad Annie, I'll miss you, many people will miss you. Auggie, Ryan, Barber, and Calder too. Will I ever see you again?" but Joan is never one to dwell on things.

"If I can help it, I won't see you until Mac graduates from high school."

Joan is sympathetic to Annie, especially since the guard reported to her the circumstances behind her D & C.

"Here's a key to a safe deposit box located in Basel and another in Maracaibo." The key was held on a chain. It reminded Annie of the key, Simon's sister gave her.

"Maracaibo? I won't be going there anytime soon and Basel?"

"They belonged to Teo. Venezuela being next to Columbia was a place Teo kept a box and Switzerland was his base for a stint after he trained with Auggie in Italy. I could only get you enough cash to start out with on short notice, your contact will have it after he gets you out of here. I'm sure Teo's box is filled with euros and US dollars, probably a gun or two and his contacts. I'm not sure what else. Remember his mission was black, off the books, none of it can be traced back to the CIA."

Annie looks at Joan, eyes narrowing, wanted to ask questions herself, but all she could muster was, "Thank you Joan, this means a lot that you'd help me."

"Believe me, there were times when I had the opportunity, but didn't and I regret that. Yeah, Teo's things. If there's anything personal, please send it to me if you can. Arthur never had the heart to go empty his safe deposit boxes and neither did I. Figured it would come in handy one day. He has others scattered throughout Europe and South America and I have a few, but in former Soviet republics, not places you want to be."

Joan is trying to figure out where Annie may land. Annie senses this immediately.

"You have a place in mind?"

"Even if I did, it's best that you not know."

Joan had to give it a try. Annie had been to many places during her time as an operative. She knew many cities well and spoke over a dozen languages well enough to get by living in countries that spoke those languages. It would be awfully hard to figure out where Annie would go given all her options.

"Okay then, you remember the plan? You contact will have a go bag and clothes for you, enough cash to get by for about two months. You'll have to build up your own cover with whatever contacts you can make, I'm nearly done securing your passports and IDs."

"Who's going to be on the other end?"

"It's best that you don't know that now."

"Ok, thanks Joan."

Joan gives Annie a hug and squeezes her hand, "I hope I see you sooner than you said. Good-bye Annie."

"Thank you Joan for coming through for me."

Joan removes the lab coat she was wearing and leaves as stealthily as she came, but with a heavy heart.

Annie has a chest X-ray taken of her ribs, one of her collar bone and jaw. There are fractures at numerous locations. The radiologist reading the films orders a sling and bandaging for Annie's ribs. She would have a couple of weeks of recovery on her hands. Annie's main doctor orders a liquid diet due to the fractured jaw and missing molar.

When the X-ray tech and nurse returns Annie to her room, McQuaid was happy to see that she was awake. "I was about to go looking for you, that took a while."

Annie manages a weak smile. "What did they say?"

"A bunch of fractured bones, nothing broken," says Annie flatly. Ryan relieved. "Well, I'm glad nothing is broken," says a smiling Ryan.

Again with his positive puppy dog eyes and outlook. Early on, it amused Annie, intrigued her even, she is reminded of the time when every cop in Venezuela was after them and they were trying to escape the country. Ryan had said, it was times like that when he felt like the luckiest man alive. Some of his sunny disposition had rubbed off on her, they both were so looking forward to becoming parents, they spent their nights at the beach reading baby care books and looking online at nursery furniture. They even agreed on a set after some debate and McQuaid ordered everything, the crib, dresser, changing table, and rocker to match along with a cozy wool rug. Annie is stirred from her memories by the dull pain developing in her pelvic region. Slowly all the drugs they had given her were wearing off.

Ryan notices her face, a wince and a moan. He goes to her IV and pushes the morphine. "What did you just do?" asks Annie with accusation in her voice.

"Just taking care of you Walker, figured I'd do it before you told me not to. You know, 'ask for forgiveness, not permission' so to speak, says Ryan trying to be light-hearted.

"You forced them to give me the painkillers and to sedate me didn't you? You had no right Ryan!" He could see she was still her stubborn fiery self.

Ryan sighs, "I'm not going to apologize for it, you needed to stop suffering whether you wanted it or not."

"It's what you needed McQuaid, not what I needed."

Ryan sighs, "I don't want to argue Annie. Just let me take care of you."

"How are you feeling?" asks Annie choosing to ignore the subject while she tries to reach for the morphine to disconnect the feed into her IV tube causing a beeping noise to start.

"I'm not the one in the hospital."

"You should be, you know. You don't look too good."

"I bounce back quickly, like I know you will. Listen, I want to be added to your emergency contact list. Can you do that?"

Annie looks away. It's harder than she imagined. Ryan continues sarcastically, "Protocol demands that you be the one to add me and I figure since we're getting married, I need to be listed as your emergency contact."

Annie keeps looking out the window for a few seconds, Ryan waits on her response, "About that Ryan, there's no reason for us to get married anymore and you can cancel the nursery furniture we ordered last week too." Tears roll down Annie's eyes. Ryan is stunned, first, he wasn't even thinking about the furniture and second, what was Annie saying?

He grabs a tissue and hands it to Annie.

"The baby wasn't the reason I want to marry you Annie, you KNOW that and if you really didn't know that, hear me now, I love you Annie Walker and I want us to get married."

Annie keeps looking out the window trying not to break down. She can't stand hurting him, but this is for the best. She convinces herself that he's better off without her, without the heartbreak that she would surely bring him. For Annie, the thought of being with a man was sickening to her, the thought of not giving McQuaid any physical love or affection would need explaining and she just couldn't do that to him.

"Annie, I know you are hurting, I am too. I understand grief, hell, I lived with it for about five years before I really started to live, and it was another five years before I let myself fall for someone. I want to be here, I wish you would let me, we're together remember? Please let me take care of you, let the doctors and nurses take care of you."

"What's the point? There's no me left. You're a smart man, it's time to cute your losses Ryan."

Ryan grits his teeth and lets out a deep sigh, he rubs his forehead and right temple with his hand before responding in a lowered voice. He was trying not to come off as irritated, "Damn it Annie, you can't let Kravec win, you are alive, you got out! Don't let him do this to you. You're grieving, I understand, we can grieve together. It will take time to get over the loss, especially since we were so thrilled to have the baby and spent those weeks making plans, but we will get through this. We'll take it day by day."

Hearing Ryan talk about the baby and their hopes put a painful ache in Annie's heart. When she met him all she had was her life as a covert operative, it was what was left of her identity at the time and she clung to it tightly until Ryan broke through her walls. Hiding her heart condition and maintaining her life in the field seemed like a lifetime ago, she got over that hurdle in her life to find a few weeks of peace and contentment with Ryan before all of it was shattered by Kravec. Those weeks with Ryan were beautiful, she found a new path, a new purpose for her life that didn't include being a spy, guns, running or lies. She started to look into a change in roles at the CIA and rehearsed a reunion with Danielle, writing draft after draft of letters and speeches, but mostly she was looking forward to being a mom. Annie had been surprised by Ryan's small yet romantic gestures in the past, but watching him engrossed in pregnancy and baby care books and tracking the baby's development week by week was what made her wonder where he had been all her life. It wasn't going to be easy to get over Ryan McQuaid. Annie used the sorrow she felt at losing what she and Ryan were supposed to have together to address Ryan.

"Don't you get it Ryan? He did win! He took away any chance we had at a happily ever after," spat Annie.

"What?", from Ryan's perspective Kravec who was locked up, probably for life was the loser in this scenario. He was stupid enough to think he could grab Annie from the States, ferry her off to Cuba to be tortured and then sold to Russia. In Ryan's book, Kravec's mission was thwarted and the good guys won. They lost their baby, but not Annie. He could live with that. But Ryan didn't know the extent of what Annie suffered at Kravec's hands.

"He took my baby, he took a part of me that I'll never get back. _He won by destroying me_."

Ryan was speechless at first, the once strong and powerful woman he fell for had disappeared, she was in such a desperate and hopeless state-of-mind, he wanted so badly to figure out a way to get her out of it. At the same time, anger was boiling inside him. Ryan was doing everything he could to control himself from punching a hole in the wall. He took a deep breath before saying, "He was my baby too, he was our son, we can grieve together, we'll plan a memorial once you get of here. We don't have to worry about Kravec anymore, he'll be away forever. I'll make sure of it. He'll never hurt you or me again."

Annie just shakes her head through her tears. "You have no obligation left to me Ryan. Please just go, I mean it. I don't have strength left to fight anymore."

Ryan can't hide his frustration anymore, he raises his voice to her, "You are not an obligation! I love you, it won't be easy, but we'll get through if we lean on each other. I refuse to lose you Walker, you hear me?"

Annie is just zoning off, she's not herself and Ryan does not understand it. This is her way of coping, her initial reaction, always to push away. As much as he was feeling hurt, he changes the subject. He knows once he gets her out of the hospital and back home, she'll come around. Maybe tomorrow when he got done with Langley, he would fill the room with hydrangeas. She needed some cheering up and sadly Ryan was naïve enough to think he could do it.

He softens his voice and kisses Annie on the forehead, she moves her head away from his lips, the movement causes a rippling pain in her collarbone and shoulder.

"Okay, we don't have to talk about this now. Let's see what they left for you here. While you were at X-ray, meal service came by." Ryan walks to the food tray and brings it closer to Annie.

"Apple sauce, vanilla pudding, creamed spinach, some chicken noodle soup, it's still nice and hot Annie."

"No thanks."

"Is it your jaw?"

"It's fractured."

"There's a straw here for the soup". Ryan brings the bowl closer to Annie, but she keeps refusing to have any.

"I'm tired Ryan. As she lifts her arm out of her blanket to swat away the bowl, he sees more of her injuries, the cuts and bruises on her arms.

"If you would eat, you would have some energy, you need food to heal."

A nurse comes in, "How's dinner coming along?"

"We're working on it," says Ryan.

"I'm tired and really not hungry, can I be left alone?" The nurse says, "Of course, you've had a long and hard day, come on sir, let's step outside," says the nurse as she pulls the blanket for Annie and change out her antibiotics on the IV stand.

She doesn't say anything. If anything she is still good at deception. She can't look at him anymore, it would make it harder to carry out her plan.

Outside, Ryan is feeling helpless and worried. Then he overhears the nurse report that Patient Walker is not eating and expresses concern over Annie's mental status. The doctor says, "Try again in another hour, we'll consider scheduling the feeding tube if the patient continues on like this. She can't afford to not eat. We're suppose to discharge healthy patients not sick ones."

The staff is all worried about her state of mind. The doctor looks through Annie's files on the computer. "We can order a psych consult tomorrow if Miss Walker persists in refusing food, might be acute depression or it could be more long term PTSD or something like that, best to get the shrinks involved."

Ryan walked to the nurse's station to ask about Annie's prognosis. He wanted to speak to the doctor about her. The doctor asked who he was, he said she's his fiancé. The doctor replied, "The only visitors and people privy to information are a Joan Campbell and August Anerderson, are you Mr. Anderson?

"No, but I am her fiancé."

"Than I'm afraid, I can't divulge Miss Walker's information." Ryan is beyond frustrated, but all he can do it go out to the waiting area where he eventually gives in to exhaustion and falls asleep for a couple of hours.


	37. Chapter 37 : Blast from the Past

**Chapter 37, was originally Chapter 36, but I swapped chapters. **

**Note:** Rewatch Season 1 Episode 5, In the Light, to get the references. It's one of my fave episodes, lots of foreboding for the rest of the seasons.

Joan juggles running down threats daily at the DPD, being a single-mother, overseeing Kravec's interrogation for the second time, and now she had to figure out a way to hide Annie from one of the most connected and resourceful men in D.C. Getting Annie out of the hospital was going to be a walk in the park compared to keeping her underground until she was well enough to travel on her own.

After a long day that started with meeting Annie when she arrived at Walter Reed, Joan relieves her nanny, wolfs down dinner and gives Mac his last feeding and a bath. She puts him in his pajamas, then secures him into his car seat inside her Mercedes S class sedan. Joan tucks a blanket into the carseat along with an envelope and says, "Mommy's taking her buddy for a long drive."

The open roads and soft sounds of lullabies playing afforded Joan plenty of time to think about Annie. Did the agency ask too much of Annie? Probably. She replayed their conversation. Annie was right, she had sacrificed everything for this country, for the agency, for Auggie, and for Joan and Arthur. Joan felt she should have gone to bat for Annie and been more of a mentor to her. Now was the time to support Annie even if it meant saying good-bye indefinitely.

It was nearly 2100 when Joan arrived at her destination. It was dark and she knew to avoid the traps in the private road. She turned off the car and lifted the carseat out. Little Mac was sleeping soundly. Joan approached the cabin with caution, but didn't feel it necessary to ready her firearm. The front door swung open before Joan reached the landing of the porch.

While he was not happy to see someone from Langley at his door, Christopher McCauley always respected Joan and his former lover Vanessa Sinclair had worked with Joan in Nairobi about 20 years ago when they were fresh off the Farm. He saw her holding the carseat in the cold night air. He rolls his eyes and motions Joan inside as he says, "I'm guessing this isn't official since you brought your kid under the cover of darkness. Congratulations by the way."

Chris scans his property before he enters the house after Joan.

"It's good to see you Chris," says Joan as she gives him a big hug. "It's been too too long. Still paranoid I see."

Chris puts the kettle on and says, "Old habits die hard. Have a seat."

"I'll be brief, I have to get back home and get some sleep. Do you remember Annie Walker?"

"Of course I do. She was good, very good for a newbie, figured she'd go far despite my advice. What's happened?"

"She's in trouble and I need you to help hide her and then help her out of the country."

Chris definitely remembers Annie, she was the catalyst that got his life back on track after five years of wallowing. She said, holing up and flyfishing wasn't the answer to his problems. After she talked him out of killing Hasaan Waleed, the man who killed his lover, he embarked on a second career helping his community, he became an EMT and fireman. He even met a nurse who seemed to understand him and his past. She was a veteran who treated injured soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq. She understood loss too, her first husband was KIA in Iraq.

Chris shakes his head, "No, I can't, I have a wife and a kid now. I told myself after Waleed that I was done for good."

"You haven't read her in on your life as an operative?"

"She knows some of it, but that's not the point, I told Annie, I didn't want to stand in the mud anymore and this sounds like an awful lot of mud."

"Give me two minutes to tell about Annie and if you are still unwilling to help, I'll leave and you'll never hear from me again."

Chris turns off the stove when the kettle whistles and pours hot water into two mugs. "You have until we finish our tea."

He was intrigued, he did like Annie Walker very much in the short interaction he had with her. He remembers their conversations vividly. He saw her potential to be a great agent, she was foolish enough to want it, but also good enough to go far and it looked like working for the agency took a toll on her if she needed to run.

"I'll just cut right to it, Annie will need a safe place and some medical care to recover from some pretty bad injuries. You're an EMT and firefighter so I figure you'll have the basic skills and access to medications to treat her wounds. Chris, this next part is highly classified info and I could lose my job for telling someone outside the agency."

Chris nods intrigued.

Joan continues, "I'm hoping learning this changes your mind, Annie was the one who took out Henry Wilcox. He didn't die in some random mugging in a back alley in Hong Kong."

Chris loathed Wilcox, he blamed him for Vanessa Sinclair's death, though he didn't pull the trigger, he created the situation in which Waleed killed Vanessa. Chris had figured there was more to Henry's death, but to hear that Annie was the one who took him out not only impressed him, but also made him indebted to her.

"Annie gave up a lot to hunt Henry down and it put her in a dark place. Now she's in an even darker place after being captured and tortured by a former member of the FSB."

"I wish she listened to my advice."

"Which was what?"

"You sent her here six years ago to get my help. She was all idealistic and eager to prove herself, I told her to think about how muddy she would get and to get out before she got too dirty."

"So will you help us, help her get out of the mud?"

"You're good Joan, she was good just like you, she was the only one who got me to come in and she used the same tactics," said Chris referring to Vanessa and his personal vendetta against Henry Wilcox.

"I'm sorry about Vanessa, she had a crush on you when we started together you know? You were this weathered and experienced operative, she was head over heels."

"Yeah she told me."

"So this means you'll help?"

Chris is not convinced yet, he's weighing the costs of getting back into the claws of the CIA, still wary, even of Joan.

Joan goes on, "She's not the same dogged nascent operative who was sent on a fool's mission. She's in a bad place Chris, physically and emotionally."

Chris nods and lets out a deep breath. "I'll do it, but I have conditions. You'll have to get her here. I'm on kid shift this week while my wife works her night shifts and I work during the day. And I won't lie to my wife. I'll have to let her in on this, I'll need her help and skills as a former trauma nurse if Annie is in as bad shape as you say. She can be trusted. She's tough, did boot camp, served in Afghanistan too." Joan nods.

"I have a way to get her to the vicinity. A man named Ben Mercer will be in touch with you, this is going to go down in the next day or two."

"Mercer?"

"Yeah, you're familiar with him, how can I put him in touch with you?"

"I didn't know him personally, but I know he took out Waleed, makes him my instant buddy."

"That was classified. Annie told you?"

"Chris writes down a frequency, have him use this to make contact."

"Thank you Chris" Joan says. "Still have some tea left, glad to know I can "turn" an asset after all these years out of the field."

Joan goes over to Mac's carseat and takes out an envelope tucked under the blanket. She returns to the table and slides it over to Chris.

"It's not much, but it's something for you and your family, for helping Annie."

Chris puts his hands up and pushes the envelope back across the table. It looked to be about 50K.

"I don't want the CIA's dirty money."

"Chris, this is totally off the books, it's not the CIA's money, it's my money from Arthur's life insurance."

_Note: A reminder that I had Arthur die at the start of this long story b/c it was written while Season 5 was on the mid-season hiatus and I really thought Arthur was the real target behind the motorcade bombing. Back then I operated under the assumption that Belenko was after Arthur b/c of Joan's dealings in the Balkans.I thought about revising the whole story to resurrect Arthur when it turned out to be about Auggie, but that would require a whole lot of revision. _

"All the same to me Joan, Arthur died because of his job working for the CIA, the agency paid for his policy, how's that money not linked to Langley? I'm not doing this for any reward Joan. I'm doing it to help the person who helped me see that there was light and hope, who helped me wash away the mud and if I can do that for Annie, I will."

Joan sighs, "Keep it here, it might come in handy for any supplies and equipment or give it to Annie, she'll need all she can to set up a new life. I'm still working on Annie's papers and passport, go bag. I'll get those to you or Ben somehow."

Chris looks at Mac.

"He's cute, they're always cute when sleeping aren't they? Kids they change the equation."

"Yeah they do and they're cute until they wake up at 2am, repeatedly."

"One more thing Chris, Annie's boyfriend won't give up looking for her, you'll have to be careful, he's a force to reckon with and while I doubt he'll make any connection between you and Annie, I can't be sure. He might show up here. Make sure you cover all your tracks."

"Oh this just gets better Joan, you waited until I agreed to tell me that? Who is this man?"

"Ryan McQuaid, owner of McQuaid Securities, former Captain in the US Navy, part of Seal Team 6, Gold Squadron. He's a good man, but Annie can't stay in D.C. and she thinks leaving is in his best interest."

"Shit, I know McQuaid, a little, he was on some missions the Khartoum office worked with the JSOC. He's a good guy."

"So you know what you need to do to hide Annie."

"Like I said, old habits die hard, I still got some game Joan."

"I better head home then and get some sleep."

Joan gives Chris a hug, he walks her to her car.

"Bye Joan."

"Thank you Chris, if you ever need anything, my private line is written on the back of the envelope. I really appreciate what you're about to do for Annie."

Chris watches Joan drive off his property. He has to prepare for a long talk with his wife Theresa when she got home around midnight. She was very understanding, but he hadn't told her the details about his life as a CIA Operative and then Station Chief.

He checks on his daughter, takes his baby monitor and walks deeper into his property to a smaller two room cabin. It was his workshop and contained all his woodwork carving projects, hunting and flyfishing equipment. He built it when Theresa was pregnant with their daughter Eleanor, his wife said they couldn't have all those chisels, hooks and lines lying about the house, not to mention the shotguns and rifles. When he built it, he included state of the art security and surveillance equipment to guard his home and family, he also built an underground bunker stocked with enough food to last months. He let go of prepping the bunker after Ellie was born, preferring to spend time with her while he worked on his hobbies. The front room was now a play area for Ellie, she often napped there while he read or worked on a carving. But now was the time to prepare the bunker for his first guest. He also turned on his short wave radio, he had to await contact from Ben Mercer. Truthfully his blood was pumping, he had seen his share of mundane problems as an EMT and firefighter, but this was a whole different level of action. Maybe he did miss clandestine work afterall.

Chris and Ben would go on to become fast friends. When they meet, they bond over fly fishing one of Ben's childhood hobbies, lost loves, a desire to reconcile their violent pasts working for the greater good with the gray areas and their joint mission to help a mutual friend Annie Walker. It would be a friendship that lasted for the rest of their lives.


	38. Chapter 38 : Beyond Help

Ryan wakes up suddenly alert and looking at his surroundings. He looks at the clock on the wall, it's already nearly 2200 pm, almost four hours after he left Annie's room, he didn't mean to sleep for that long. He leaves the waiting room quickly. The hallways are quiet and lights dimmed just like on an airplane for nighttime flights. His shoulder is starting to throb again, he pops his own painkillers and makes his way to see Annie, hoping she's in a better place after some rest.

The guard outside Annie's room has dozed off, so much for guarding Annie thinks Ryan to himself, but it is to his advantage that the man is asleep. He eases the door open into Annie's room. She's sleeping, or so it appears. When he opens the door and approaches the bed, she startles, the sudden reflexive movement caused Annie pain in her shoulder. He sees her touch her left hand to her right shoulder taking a deep breath.

"Sorry, didn't mean to surprise you. I thought you'd be asleep." He looks down apologetic and hesitant sensing that he really scared her. He still hasn't broached the subject of her time in Kravec's grips, he knew it would take her a longer time to get over the emotional losses than the physical injuries he could see. Ryan refused to make her relive her trauma by asking questions though he was sure Joan and the CIA would as soon as she was well enough.

McQuaid Securities had a few psychotherapists and psychiatrists on the payroll to help with issues that inevitably crop up doing the sort of work they do. It will be challenging to return to normal after an ordeal like the one Annie went through, he'd seen strong men return haunted from just one gunfight, but Annie had shown him just how tough she was, she had an inner strength and resolve that matched his and he knew she would be okay with support, but first he had to get her discharged and his mission was to get her to eat.

Ryan looks around and sees that Annie's food is still there. It looks untouched.

"Worked up an appetite yet?" joked Ryan. He wasn't sure how Annie would handle a feeding tube, he wanted her to put some food into her body because of what he overheard at the nurse's station a couple of hours ago.

"I thought you left."

"Nope, I'm not leaving you Walker. How about some ice cream? I can scrounge us up some."

He knew she loved her ice cream and he never saw her refuse any, even when she had those few bad bouts of nausea right after her heart surgery.

"No thanks, go home, get sleep you look like you need it, please."

"I'm the picture of health compared to you, I'll be fine."

Annie wasn't sure what else she could do to get Ryan to leave, she knew Joan arranged for him to be at the DPD all morning the next day, but she needed to orchestrate some events so that what she planned to do tomorrow would be believable to Ryan and others. She also wanted him to leave because the longer he was there, being his charming and optimistic self, the harder it was for Annie. It was difficult for her to look the man she loved in the eye when she planned on disappearing for good, but she knew he was strong enough to get over it.

"Ryan, all good things come to an end, that's what I've learned. Let's be done, I just want to be alone," says Annie more firmly causing Ryan to feel hurt and mildly annoyed that she keeps insisting on pushing him away. He chooses to ignore her, sure that yelling at her wouldn't go over well. He wanted to say that going back to her lone wolf ways wasn't the answer, that one tragedy doesn't mean more will follow, but instead he takes a deep breath and says,

"Tell you what, I'll go if you eat something first?"

Annie thinks about her next move. She has to make a scene to get him to go.

"Why can't you do what I ask? Ryan, go already!" cries Annie. "I'm just trying to help."

"I'm beyond help Ryan, I don't know what the point is anymore," says Annie full of despair.

"You can usually eat as much as any guy I know, I've seen it, come on," says Ryan holding out a spoonful of applesauce. Despite all her injuries, Annie pushes through the pain and knocks the entire tray of food off the table, then sobs, "Just go, please just leave me alone," sobs Annie. Nurses rush in at the commotion.

"Sir, we need you to leave. She's very agitated and we have orders to sedate her if she does this again."

"What? She's done this already?"

Ryan looks to Annie who is crying.

"Yes, I'm afraid so, around 8 PM, when we tried to get her to eat."

"Why didn't anyone get me? I was just in the waiting room."

No one answers Ryan.

The nurse pushes a syringe into Annie's IV.

Ryan goes to Annie who is weeping quietly. "Sh, Sh, I'm sorry I pushed, it's okay, I know you wanted to have that baby, I understand why you are so cut up, just let me know when you want to and I'll get you anything you want.

The nurse says, "We'll take good care of her sir. You really do look like you need some rest too."

She ushers Ryan out of the room.

"I heard the doctors say something about a feeding tube and a psych consult."

"I'm afraid I can't divulge any patient information, but I assure you we will do everything we can to help Miss Walker. Don't worry, she'll still be here tomorrow. She won't be discharged for another couple of days."

Very reluctantly Ryan leaves the hospital and takes a cab home. He thought maybe some space was what Annie needed. Things always looked brighter in the morning and after a good night's rest. He also acknowledged that he'd better rest up for his morning at Langley too. As he drove home an idea came to him. He knew just what may cheer Annie up and give her a reason to take care of herself. It was late, so he fired off an email to the German Shepard he and Annie chose. They had picked a puppy out together a couple of weeks ago, it was a bit early for the puppy to be picked up, the breeder suggested 10 weeks and it was only 8 weeks old, but Ryan hoped he could convince the breeder to let him bring their puppy home.

When Ryan gets home, he realizes it had been a while since he had been home. He spent time with Annie at his beach house before she was taken by Kravec and he hadn't been back home since. Although he lived alone for a number of years, the house never felt empty to him before, in a short time he had gotten used to having Annie's company. The house felt so empty without her presence. Ryan goes directly to the Master Bedroom, kicks his shoes off in the closet without bothering to put them on the rack. He has a hard time taking his clothes off with his injuries and it takes him longer than usual, but he manages. He brushes his teeth, washes his face, and settles into bed after setting his alarm for 0530. He falls sleep clutching the pillow that was filled with the scent of Annie's shampoo.

Annie wakes up to a nurse taking her vitals. At first she thinks she's waking up from the heart surgery she had, it's a familiar setting, another hospital room. She seemed to frequent hospitals the last few months. She would be happy to never see the inside of a hospital again. Suddenly, grief and guilt overwhelm her when she realizes this is a different time. The heart surgery was over a month ago, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Annie catches sight of Auggie. He somehow hoodwinked a cute nurse into letting him sit by Annie's bed before visiting hours even began. With the pain of her fractured jaw bothering her, she has a difficult time opening her mouth to speak when she first sees him. It was normal after many hours of not talking.

The nurse says, "I need to check on your wounds and change your bandages, would you mind leaving for about five minutes sir?"

"Uh, sure," Auggie says as he gets up, straightening his cane.

Annie says groggily, "It's okay, he can stay."

He hears her masking pain in her hoarse voice , "Annie?" he says softly, "I can go, it's no big deal."

"It's okay." Annie figured she wasn't going to see her friend Auggie again and she found a strange comfort from his presence. It seemed fitting that her first friend at the CIA would be the last person she saw from the agency before she left.

Annie had to leave Ryan, all her belongings, the city that had become her home, her job, and the only true friend she had the last few years too. It was difficult to maintain her cover with her college and grad school friends, so she stopped joining them at events and gatherings, losing touch with many since Annie had no social media presence per the CIA's protocols. The more she stayed away the less she was invited to events.

While she met many interesting people during her travels and fellowships post graduate school, the promises to look them up if she were ever to find herself in their home countries never materialized. Perhaps it was a mistake for Annie to pour herself into her career at the CIA, it was just that she had to lie and deceive people for work and she didn't want to do it in her personal life. It would be exhausting as it had been to lie to Danielle those early years. So work and her personal life blurred, Auggie was her only friend these last few years. It seemed to work for them until it didn't.

"What time is it?" She blinks and sees the blinds are closed, yet streaks of light are poking through. The nurse opens the blinds. Auggie feels his watch, "Just a little after 6 o'clock."

"Someone's up early."

"McQuaid was my wake up call at about five this morning, he wanted someone here with you when you woke up. He thought you were on the verge of a breakdown or something."

"I told him it was probably his painkillers talkin' because the Annie Walker I know has nerves of steel."

Annie is glad he can't see. She looks down and lets out a small smile, lips curved. She did have nerves of steel, she had to in order to pull off her plan. "He shouldn't have imposed on you."

"I wanted to come all day yesterday, but was caught up," responds Auggie.

Auggie can't see, but he heard a deep and long breath escape from Annie's mouth.

"Can you sit up fully Ma'am?"

"Haven't tried yet," responded Annie.

"I'll bring the head of the bed up more for you . . . now take my hand and I'll support you to sitting."

Annie sucks in air and takes deep breaths. The pain reverberates through her torso from the fractured ribs and broken collarbone. Upon hearing Annie,, Auggie's face shows concern. He knew from speaking to McQuaid briefly that Annie was in a dark place. And he had worked long enough with Joan to know that she was concerned too. When Joan returned to the DPD yesterday after spending time with Annie at the hospital she painted a grim picture. Auggie was dealing with his own guilt over not calling Annie sooner to let her know about the threat.

"You okay Annie?"

"Um hmm. . ." manages Annie through the discomfort.

The nurse unties Annie's gown and slowly removes the bandages covering the burns and the area that was stitched up from the hole Kravec drilled into Annie's flesh.

"Would it be more comfortable to lie on your side when we're done? The burns need some exposure to air to heal better."

"I don't know, both sides hurt so, I'm not sure."

"Annie," interrupts Auggie. "I heard you were being stubborn about the morphine. You know no one will judge you for taking painkillers. You don't need to be a masochist here."

"Miss Walker, I have to agree, facing the pain while brave of you, isn't necessary."

The nurse cleans the wounds, applies ointment to the burns and checks on the stitches.

"I guess the truth is, the pain helps me forget," says Annie.

"I was kidding about you being a masochist, but I'm guessing you're in no joking mood, I'm sorry Annie. I'm so very sorry about everything. I wish I had called you as sooner, that we got to you five minutes sooner."

"Don't Auggie, wouldn't have made a difference, what happened lands on me, all my choices led to this. There's no one to blame but myself."

Auggie sighs and leans his head on his cane.

The nurse finishes up and says breakfast will be delivered shortly, "Try to have something to eat this morning, the doctors will begin rounds soon."

"I wanted to come yesterday when you arrived from Key West, but I was tied up at the office. Annie I should have been here, I'm so sorry about the baby."

"I wish I never came back, I should have stayed away, I'd probably still have myocarditis, but I wouldn't know the pain I know now. Physical pain, I always endured, but this pit in my stomach, this hole in my heart, I can't do it anymore Auggie."

"What are you sayin' Walker, you came back, you did amazing work, you met your match in McQuaid as much as that irks me to say, he's a good man, and you two were made for each other."

"I'm glad you became friends, truly, he'll need someone because I told him I need to be alone, but he just won't let go."

Auggie didn't like to hear Annie talk like this. He wasn't a guy who wore his emotions on his sleeve. In many ways he was like Annie, they kept people at arm's length and built walls around themselves. Maybe that's why they didn't work. Two people with walls and no one willing to take a chisel to the other because each understood why the other had the walls to begin with. Neither of them pushed the other too hard, neither of them expected more from each other.

The meal service worker arrived and placed a tray on Annie's table. "Miss Walker? Soft diet, cream of wheat, soft boiled egg, yogurt, and pear puree?"

"Don't waste it, I'm not hungry."

Auggie says, "Leave it here would you?"

"Sure, man," says the food service worker not sure what to really do.

"Thanks," says Auggie.

"I heard something about that when I arrived earlier. O Come on Annie. Have a little, I hear their known for their pear puree." said Auggie.

He feels his way to the table based on the food service man's voice and pushes the table closer as he feels for Annie's arm. She pulls away when he touches her arm. Auggie is thankful he's blind, he had read the report that Langley received on her injuries. He knew she was badly hurt.

"I'm not hungry Auggie, I don't, I can't, my jaw."

"Oh that's why it's a soft diet."

"No thanks."

"Annie, I'm sorry about your loss. I know how much you and Ryan looked forward to having a baby."

Annie is close to tears again. "I don't want to talk about it. Thanks for being here Auggie. I'm just going to rest my eyes." She lied. She didn't want him there anymore, he couldn't see, but he could always feel her aura. He knew her better than anyone else in her life at the moment and she couldn't risk him figuring out her plan.

He reached for her bed, found her hand and squeezed it. "This doesn't sound like the Annie Walker I know,"

"She died Auggie. She died long ago."

"You're going to get through this Walker, you always do." Auggie didn't know what else to say to her. He was at a lost for words.

Annie holds back tears. "Thanks."

"I'll be by after work, I'll bring you one of those green smoothies you like, just give some of this food a try first, okay?"

"Good-bye Auggie."


	39. Chapter 39: Unlikely Bond

**ONE WEEK LATER**

**Skipping ahead in time, I'll get back to details on how Annie managed to get the psychiatrist to give her a one way ticket to a psychiatric hospital. A**

A week has gone by since Annie disappeared while being transported from Walter Reed to a treatment location, a psychiatric hospital in rural Virginia.

7 days.

168 hours.

Ryan has not slept much in that time, he's temporarily stepped down from his role at McQuaid Security with Jim reluctantly filling his shoes while he devoted all his waking hours to figuring how what happened to Annie and where she might have gone. He had Dex and Fitz helping him with all the leads they could gather, but Jim began hinting that it was time to give Dex and Fitz back to McQuaid Security. He felt Annie was in the wind and it was a fool's errand to keep looking. Ryan, on the other hand, was still hopeful, still confident in his ability to track Annie, he needed her, with every fiber of his being he needed to find her and get her the help she needed. It wasn't just because once upon a time she risked everything to help him get out of a bind. It wasn't about tit for tat, it was because he couldn't live with losing another woman he loved.

A phone call from Joan interrupted Ryan and Auggie sharing drinks and rehashing what they knew and possible avenues to go down. They were in the middle of debating whether Annie would make her way to Danielle in California. Ryan wanted to pay Danielle a visit, but Auggie was adamantly against it. Since Annie's "death" he had been in regular touch with Danielle, he already called her in the time Annie disappeared. It was a friendly check-in to see how she was doing, he didn't think from their short conversation that she had heard from Annie, he could still hear the pain and longing in her voice. She missed her sister and told Auggie she'd be out to D.C. for the one year anniversary of Annie's death. Auggie argued that to go to Danielle and shock her with the news that Annie was alive, but had disappeared again, would be cruel and unforgiveable.

Ryan didn't tell Auggie, but he had already dispatched Fitz to California to poke around and see if Danielle had any contact with Annie. Fitz didn't find any evidence of contact with Annie and was on his way back to D.C. Auggie thought Annie would never approach Danielle after all these months. If she wanted to do it, she would have done it already argued Auggie. Ryan told Auggie Annie was working up courage to contact Danielle, she had been drafting letters and speeches on what she would say. He was looking forward to meeting Danielle and the nieces Annie spoke fondly of, sure they would reveal a layer of Annie he didn't know yet. Now that meeting may never happen.

"She was drafting a letter and wanted to take time to meet face to face. I was supposed to meet her. Annie wanted our child to know Danielle, she said everything she knew about being a good mother, she witnessed in her big sister."

"I didn't know that," said Auggie, he had no idea Annie was even thinking of initiating contact, he would have helped her with the approach. Then again, she'd find out that he kept in touch with Danielle while she was "dead" and failed to mention it to her. Danielle was so cut up over losing Annie, she would call Auggie, he started to find it comforting to talk to Danielle and share stories about Annie especially when she didn't return from Hong Kong. He began to see that for the very same reason McQuaid was making him his drinking buddy. Auggie was the closest thing he had to Annie right now. It was a way to maintain a connection to Annie. And truthfully, Auggie needed McQuaid for the same reason so they formed a symbiotic relationship.

Ryan thought Annie would need someone, "She can't possibly cut ties with everyone and not look back. I just don't buy it, no matter how independent she was, deep down, she needed people. She had to have gone to someone for help. Who?"

Auggie remained quiet, just shaking his head. "She didn't have anyone else."

Ryan had suspected that either Auggie or Joan or both of them helped Annie, he couldn't get much from Joan. There were no phone records, Joan had not seen Annie since her arrival at Walter Reed, and she artfully denied helping Annie. She was nowhere near the transport ambulance route because she was at Langley all that day. As for Auggie, Ryan made sure to keep Auggie close since he was Annie's confidante at the agency.

"She's disappeared twice before, once when she took herself off the game board and went dark for a highly classified op,"

Ryan interrupted, "And what was that op? I still haven't gotten anywhere with Joan on that."

"You know I can't divulge that information," said Auggie before taking a long swig of his pale ale.

"Fuck! I'm cleared to know a lot of shit, but that's one of many files of Annie's that's redacted up the wazoo. Don't you think something during the time she was running that op might help us find her?"

Auggie sighs, "If I thought so, I'd have turned over those stones already McQuaid, like I was saying, she went off the reservation a second time, she didn't come back at the end of the op, it took her four months to make her way home."

Refusing to let Auggie take the conversation where he feared it was going, Ryan persisted. Auggie was sure Annie left for another extended break and would be back.

"What else do you know about those four months?"

"For the tenth time, I've told you everything she revealed when she returned. She evaded our spotters in Turkey then made her way to the South Pacific, Fatu Hiva until she had her first signs of health issues, then she went to see Eyal in Jerusalem where she had a battery of tests done and was diagnosed with myocarditis, after that she made her way home and you know probably more than I do from that point on," says Auggie sadly.

"Searches have revealed nothing about Annie ever going to see Eyal Lavin in Jerusalem, there's no medical records, no entry or exit noted for any of her alias. She has to have another alias we don't know about. Would she have stopped off anywhere else besides the South Pacific and Israel?"

"I don't know, what did Eyal say when you talked to him?"

"After he went off in Hebrew for about five minutes? Not much. Just that he hadn't heard from her and even if he did, he wouldn't tell me if that was what Annie wanted. So I got a guy I know to do a little surveillance."

Auggie raises his eyebrows. "You don't want to piss off Mossad and Eyal, you better call off that dog."

"Not a chance, Annie's gone to him for medical help before, I sent Dex over there as soon as I learned that."

"Well?"

"So far nothing, but do you know the name of the doctor who treated Annie?"

"No, she never told me, but I think Annie's not going to Eyal if she really wanted to disappear again. She knows we know she went to him once, she's going to be ahead of us."

"Yeah, you're probably right," says a dejected Ryan taking a sip of his beer.

Ryan's phone rings, he's quiet, listening. Auggie doesn't see it, but the color drains from Ryan's face.

"What is it?"

"That was Joan, they picked up on police scanners that a Caucasian blond Jane Doe was found in a ravine 10 miles from the area Annie disappeared."

"It can't be Annie," said Auggie brows furrowed.

"Nothing about this makes sense Auggie," Ryan slaps down some cash on the bar and says gravely, "I'm going to the morgue."

"I'm coming with you," says Auggie remembering the last time he was at the morgue was with a very much alive and newbie agent Annie Walker. He hadn't been in the field since his accident, he remembers thinking it was an unwise move, but he found himself drawn in by her magnetism, her certainty. He couldn't help but go with her and what an exhilarating adventure it was to sit in that interrogation room being questioned by the FBI. It was a day he would not forget. It was a day when he got a taste of what it might be like to be in the field with his disability. He had managed, his deception skills still in tact, in fact, maybe even easier with his disability.

Although Auggie's instincts told him the Jane Doe couldn't be Annie, doubts begin to creep in messing with his head during the drive over. He thinks about asking Ryan his thoughts, but he's been quiet and judging by the way he slammed his car door shut and the speed at which he was driving and weaving through the D.C. dinnertime traffic tells Auggie to keep quiet.

For Ryan, weaving aggressively through the D.C. traffic brings back memories of Annie chewing him out and insulting his driving while they were chasing after Eyal. He would give anything to hear the disdain in her voice again. He tried to quash the smile that the memory conjured up, there was nothing to smile about, it was a stressful time and she tried to hate him, but he knew only later, that she reacted the way she did because he had hurt her so much. Recalling that she loved him gave him hope.

During the long drive, Auggie barely moved and barely made a sound, Ryan almost forgot he was there, once on the open highway, his mind went back to _that day_, the day when he spent the morning in meetings at the DPD when he should have been with Annie.

Before _that day_ started, the German Shepherd breeder called. She saw Ryan's e-mail from the night before. She was sympathetic when Ryan explained the situation that Annie had just lost their baby and was feeling melancholy. She was willing to allow Ryan to pick up their puppy later that day if he promised to bring her back in a day or two. At eight weeks the pups were already weaned, but the breeder liked to socialize the pups with their litter for another two weeks. Most of her pups were eventually trained to be military or police dogs, trained to find explosives, firearms, and drugs and she had a strict program for socializing them.

Before they hung up the breeder said with a laugh, "The one you and Annie picked is very independent, she was the first one out of the litter box and the first one to explore a noise or new object. You gotta watch out for her," She sounds just like Annie thought Ryan with a big smile. He remembered Annie's laughter a couple of weeks ago when she picked up the pup and she licked Annie's fingers, he remembers feeling joy at the sound of her laughter, so he was sure surprising Annie with Ruby would stem her downward spiral.

When Ryan arrived at the hospital, he gingerly placed the excited pup in his gym bag, "Stay quiet and don't get us made," whispered Ryan in the elevator. He was happy and feeling giddy, sure Annie would love the surprise. He had already snuck the dog past the front desk, excited to reveal the dog Annie had named Ruby. But when he got close, he noticed no one was standing guard. His brow furrowed, when he entered the room all he saw was house cleaning staff bagging up the sheets in yellow bags labeled "BIOHAZARD" and another mopping up the floor. A mix of the scent of hydrangeas and industrial cleaners hit his nose. He ran to the nurse's desk to find out what the hell happened to Annie. He stood there waiting for answers with the wiggling puppy whimpering to get out of the dark bag.

Auggie interrupts Ryan by breaking the silence. "I can't see the speedometer, but it feels an awful lot like you're pushing 90."

Ryan eases his foot off the accelerator, the air between them remains grim during the rest of the hour it takes to drive to the morgue. A drive that normally takes at least 1.5 hours at normal speeds. Ryan screeches into a spot, he jumps out, goes to Auggie's side of the car, "Auggie, I'm at the back bumper," then extends his arm out to Auggie who finds it. They walk briskly across the parking lot and together into the building.

Auggie tapped his cane on the floor as he waited for Ryan to speak to the attendant. Losing her child was painful for Annie, he believed that, but he couldn't let himself believe it broke her. Auggie was a wreck waiting for McQuaid, relying on him for information. It seemed like an eternity, but he heard Ryan's footsteps approach him, "They're taking us to the Jane Doe now." Auggie hangs on to Ryan's elbow. As soon as Ryan opens the door and lets him in first, he feels the cool air, hears the hum of the cold chamber and smells the distinct odor of the dead. At least I have my shoes thinks Auggie as he crosses the threshold.

Auggie hears the attendant flip through papers on a clipboard, "Let's see, the Jane Doe is right here." Auggie hears him open the chamber and pull out the drawer. He puts his hand on McQuaid's shoulder as he hears the attendant move to lift the sheet. Relying on Ryan to relay the news felt like an eternity, but he didn't need to hear from him, Auggie's hand, the one he had rested on Ryan's shoulder felt the relief. Ryan let out a deep breath, he slapped Auggie on the back and said, "It's not Annie." Ryan realizes the woman before them was someone else's to grieve, for a moment he feels guilty, but hope remains. And so he thanks the attendant and leads Auggie back to his car.

Ryan drives Auggie back to his apartment. During the drive back, Auggie tells Ryan about the last time he was in a morgue. He shares the story of Annie's first day at Langley and how she recovered from crashing and burning. Ryan laughed, incredulous at the things Annie did, the rookie mistakes, leaving the synced device behind, going back for it dressed as a call girl in the middle of a crime scene investigation, getting caught at the morgue, continuing the cover with the FBI, it was out of a movie, and it was totally Annie. "You see when Annie hits bottom, she always finds a way out," says Auggie as he gets out of the car.

"Thanks man, thanks for the support." Ryan drives home without speeding, there's nothing he looks forward to about entering his empty house. It never bothered him before Annie moved in with him. He knew without a doubt that she cared for him, but she had a hard time expressing it sometimes. He tried to keep himself from asking how she could do this to him. He tried to separate himself from the equation. She was doing it to herself. All the evidence pointed to her punishing herself, that was her frame of mind and he shouldn't have left her despite everyone's assurances. Ryan couldn't be angry with Annie. He could only be angry with himself.

Once home, an exhausted Ryan goes to his dining room which now held an evidence board and sat in front of it staring, hoping that it would speak to him and give him a new direction to go on. The longer she was gone without a clue, the more unlikely he would find her. He poured himself some scotch and read his emails as he nursed his drink. Jim wanted him in the office tomorrow morning. He downed the rest of his scotch before crashing, emotionally drained from his trip to the morgue.


	40. Chapter 40 : Ryan & Jim at Odds

Note: Thanks for reading. Made up some stuff about McQuaid, I really wanted to learn more of his backstory from the CA writers, I think they probably had a lot of rich stuff in mind, we saw some of it, but took liberties here.

McQuaid slept fitfully and woke at five o'clock, thirty minutes before his alarm was set to go off. That seemed to be the norm lately. Then he went straight to his computer, something he had always done as soon as he woke up. Only on that day, the eighth day Annie was gone, what motivated him wasn't keeping up with McQuaid Securities' hundreds of clients, ongoing operations, new hires, and current project bids. Ryan opened up his email to see if there was any news on the Annie front. He had friends all over the world he tapped for information. He tried to use what he knew about Annie to pinpoint where she could go and asked his contacts at Interpol, MI-6, Australia's DIO, the CNI in Columbia, and a few countries in the Middle East. He sent Annie's description and photo, asking them to poke around and look at their facial recognition programs. He also gave them all a list of her known aliases. But this morning, his inbox contained no new leads on Annie, no one had spotted her, at least not yet.

Ryan fired off an email to Eyal Lavin asking for the name of the doctor Annie saw in Israel for her myocarditis. He explained to Eyal that Annie still needed follow- up care after her mitral valve repair. She was supposed to have EKGs and blood tests monthly during her pregnancy. He was pretty sure Eyal would not tell him anything, but he had Dex over there. It was a long shot, but maybe the email would tip Eyal to contact his doctor friend and Dex would be on it.

Next, Ryan went for a swim in his pool. He had a lot of pent up energy to spend and fifty laps should do it he thought. The cold water helped keep his mind off of Annie and served to clear his head. He always loved the water, as a kid he was on swim team, hours of daily practice and meets 2-3 times a week. His mother signed him up to burn off his enormous amounts of energy and stamina for getting into mischief. It turned out he excelled at it, he enjoyed learning and perfecting all the strokes. His competitive nature loved beating his own best times. He also loved the open ocean, fishing along the Flint River with his dad, and water skiing. It was no surprise to his family that he chose to apply to the Naval Academy.

After his swim, he showered and dressed for the office, put his Carmex in his pocket, a superstition borne out of practicality, and made himself a shot of espresso, some toast and eggs. It was only 6:15. This was his normal routine over the years, except in the weeks he spent with Annie before she disappeared, they swam together when she had recovered enough from her mital valve repair. Then they read the paper or watched the news over breakfast and sometimes fell back in bed before Ryan had to hurry up and get into the office. The toaster popped up and stirred Ryan from his thoughts. He quickly ate and headed to his office.

Jim woke up cranky as his ex-wife referred to him. One reason she divorced him was because he was never happy at home, he was never happy without the adrenalin rush of being chased or being the chaser. He was pissed that he was waking up in D.C. and not some backwater part of Syria or Columbia. He was pissed that he was in the position he was in. He was pissed at Annie Walker.

Jim was never interested in the business end and ass-kissing part of being a private contractor, but when Ryan was in a bad way a week ago, he was glad to help him out. He had come to like Annie, he saw that his buddy _finally_ found a good match, but as the days passed and she didn't turn up, he grew angry at her. He was angry for his friend.

Ryan sure as hell would never get angry with her, he was much too much in love with her and he saw it in his eyes, he saw the same guilt Ryan held on to when his wife Kelly died. The same guilt that kept him from being angry that Kelly never told him she was battling cancer, preferring that he be ignorant while on long operations. He watched Ryan wallow for about five years and now it was all happening again, he could see what was about to unfold.

Ryan was always the gentleman, loyal to a fault, they all made fun of him for being celibate when he wouldn't hit on a beautiful woman at the bar or return a woman's obvious interest. He'd always say, there was no point in sleeping around, he didn't have time for the charade just for a one night stand. Ryan was never much for meaningless sex, he'd rather go racing in one of his fast cars or for a round of kickboxing than have sex with someone he didn't care about. He never judged Jim or the other guys for their string of women, but he was truly a boy scout.

Eventually Ryan dated intelligent career women he met through work and through friends, but the relationships, if one could call them that, never lasted longer than a month or two. He just hadn't met anyone who drew him in and made him want to work for something more than dinner and beers. The women all accused Ryan of being a workaholic, fearing commitment, and keeping them at arm's length. Ryan never was good at pretending or making an effort when he didn't feel anything, he had too much integrity for that. He never stopped any of the women from walking away when he couldn't give them what they wanted. It took him a while to find himself again after Kelly, but he did. Then one Annie Walker throttled into his life. He didn't hide behind work, he wasn't ambivalent about when he would see her next, he was the one to pursue, doggedly. Jim knew his well friend, when Annie entered the picture, Ryan was different in a good way, in a way he had not seen in years, until she just abandoned him.

Ryan walked into his office. "Morning."

Jim looks up from his computer, "I heard about the Jane Doe. Sorry"

With a sigh, "Yeah."

"Any new leads?" Jim knew the answer.

"Too early to tell, might have something."

"Might?" said Jim as he stood and walked around and sat down on the front of the desk.

"Spit it out if you have something to say," said Ryan rubbing the scruff that would turn into a beard soon if he continued to go without shaving.

Jim was not going to beat around the bush. "Ripping off the band-aid here," said Jim, preparing to anger Ryan.

"Rip away already."

"No matter how horrible it was to lose a baby, I don't understand how she could just leave you, but it's clear to me she's gone and doesn't want to be found. There are no leads, that should tell you something."

"She's a spy, she's one of Langley's best."

"She_ was_, but she left the CIA too and not the first time. Face it, she's burnt out, she could be a Jane Doe somewhere and we wouldn't even know it!"

Ryan normally kept his cool even during the most stressful circumstances, he was always able to keep dangerous missions in perspective, using his sense of humor and quick thinking to react to the impossibly dangerous situations he's found himself in over the years. But today, this "straight-talk" from one of his most trusted friends had gotten under his skin.

"Shut the fuck up," says Ryan as he lunges for his friend, "she's not dead, if she were dead, I'd know it in my gut," says Ryan with a fury in his voice. Jim, just as strong as Ryan, pushes back out of instinct, he doesn't want to hurt his friend and if they went at it they would both be hurt, badly. They are locked into it, each grabbing on to the other's suit jackets. "You need to hear this and I'm telling you because I love you as a brother. She's GONE! She doesn't WANT to be found. You just said she's one of Langley's best, she KNOWS how to evade the likes of us." Ryan loosens his grip and eventually lets go of Jim's suit jacket. Jim knew Ryan wasn't being objective, he didn't fault Ryan for wanting to slug him, but he wasn't going to take it without defending himself either.

Ryan took a deep breath, went to the window and starred outside at D.C and beyond, are you okay wherever you are, thought McQuaid. Jim went to the console where a tray with a stylish decanter and glasses sat. He poured them each some bourbon and walked over to Ryan handing him a glass. Ryan looks at him, brows raised as it was only 7 o' clock in the morning. He takes the glass, no words are exchanged while they sip the bourbon. Of course drinking the bourbon makes Ryan think of his first opportunity to work in the field with Annie. They had used the very same bourbon to sterilize a pocketknife and camelback tubes to "save" Borz. What a waste of good stuff. It was then that he saw what Annie Walker was made of and she without wanting to had hooked him.

Ryan breaks the tension, speaking quickly and heatedly, "How in the hell does an extremely distressed 110 pound woman with serious multiple injuries, who made an attempt on her own life render two people unconscious and disappear into the woods _on foot_ near dusk and NOT leave a trace? From everything I've read, she had to have still been bleeding and cramping the D & C, and she just lost a pint of blood on top of everything."

"She had a blood transfusion right? After I had that blood transfusion in Fallujah, remember that man, almost died, but after getting two pints of blood, I felt like Superman, maybe it was the adrenalin, I mean, we both know it, she's clever and she's a fucking spook, she probably has a half dozen more aliases we'll never know. And remember, even with a bum heart, she took down that bastard Borz."

"I've run down all the leads on where she would get medical care in the radius of where she was last seen, she wasn't well enough to go far, at least not for a few days, and she still needs antibiotics and follow-up visits for her heart. . . now she could be anywhere, God Dam It!" says Ryan downing the rest of his bourbon and slamming the glass on his desk.

He had gone over and over the parts of the records that were not redacted by Langley and the parts that were redacted he managed to get out of Joan (so he thought). Miscarriage, three fractured ribs, a fractured collarbone, hole drilled in her shoulder, fractured jaw, cuts and bruises all over her body, a concussion, and lastly, she was being sent to a psychiatric hospital for psychotic depression.

Jim didn't know what to believe, it seemed unlike the woman he interacted with in Maracaibo and subsequently socially with Ryan to give up on life. The last time he hung out with them over dinner, they spent hours laughing and sharing battle stories of scrapes they had gotten out of. She was, he had to admit an extraordinary woman and Ryan was lucky he snagged her first. But now Jim had a fiduciary responsibility to McQuaid Security so he had to have that awkward conversation with Ryan about how it was futile to waste resources looking for Annie.

Jim and Ryan were at odds for the first time in their friendship, but he managed to convince Ryan that he couldn't' continue to use McQuaid Securities' valuable manpower on his search for Annie. They were paid too much to be private detectives on a wild goose chase, besides their unique skills as PMCs with specialty training in black ops were needed badly elsewhere. Ryan listened and knew Jim was right, he did still care about his company and its employees. He did still feel responsible to them.

"Look, I need to pull Fitz and Dex for a paramilitary operation in Nigeria." The President asked for this mission himself. You want me to read you in on it or not?

Ryan nods. Guess he'd have to call Dex back from Jerusalem, he hoped he learned something.

Jim talks, but Ryan doesn't really listen. It's all noise to him as he thought about what Jim said. It was something about Boko Haram and needing to stop their next target. "Do you need me for anything else today?"

"Well, I was hoping you'd read the mission plans and look at the terrain with Fitz and Dex before they hit the ground. I'm heading to the State Department for the security bid for the Cuban embassy. I figured, you'd want to go for it, so I did. You can use your office while I'm gone. The Boko files are up already."

Ryan says, "I trust you and the boys to handle it. I got an idea, I have to call someone."

Ryan turns to leave, Jim is dismayed, he had hoped Ryan would be more engaged, but he had pushed enough already and it was only ten past seven.

"One more thing, how long more are you going to need me to fill your shoes?"

Ryan looks back at Jim sitting at his desk, "Thanks, you're doing a good job,"

Ryan walks out of his office, the office he worked so hard to have.

Jim wanted to go on the mission with Fitz and Dex so badly, but he'd have to settle for running it behind the scenes. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make for Ryan, but it wasn't going to be indefinite.


	41. Chapter 41: A Development

Chapter 41 Notes: A Development

Ryan couldn't believe he had not thought of it earlier. He had been so focused on the search locally at first and on people Annie had a strong connection with. He spent time checking nearby hospitals and clinics and put out a BOLO for all the local police with Annie's description. He had only started looking internationally in the last couple of days, but mainly focused on Eyal Lavin and countries Annie had spent extended time and built up safe houses and contacts.

Ryan called the doctor on his payroll in Venezuela as soon as he got out of his office. No answer. The same doctor who stitched up Borz and then checked Annie out and got her the nitrate meds she needed to regulate her heart. He remembered that Annie had said, "In another life I'd take it myself." She was referring to the lovely vacation rental he secured for six months for them to hide out in. He could hear her voice, "…in another life…" Maybe she made her way back there.

Venezuela was the perfect place for an American to get lost, still Annie had to leave the country somehow and Auggie was supposedly on the look out via facial recognition programs for any sign of Annie leaving going through security. Then Ryan thought, she could have driven cross-country and into Mexico at any point along the border and then disappeared. He was so frustrated, but at the same time reinvigorated with his new lead. He called Auggie, it went to his voicemail, he left him a message asking him to see if he could find out anything about Annie in Mexico.

Ryan tried the doctor again. This time he answered. "Senor McQuaid, how is your friend's heart? Did she get surgery? I telled her, she need it if she want to live into old age."

Apparently Annie made an impression on the doctor too, "Yeah, yeah, she did get the surgery. Funny you bring it up. I take it you have not heard from her?"

"No Senor McQuaid, is everything okay?"

Another dead end sighed McQuaid, "Do me a favor if you see her or hear from her, give me a call, there's a wad of cash in it for you my friend."

"Of course, call me anytime you need help."

"Gracias Dr. Matias." Another DEAD END.

Ryan put another call into the leasing agent and property manager of the rental, he was a former member of the Venezuelan military intelligence, a shady character for sure and someone Ryan trusted as far as he could spit. But he had come through for him in disposing of Altan's body when he and Annie had to run. There were roughly three more months left to his lease. He wanted Jorge Jiminez to go check on the unit to see if anyone was there. Since the whole Borz business McQuaid Security actually used the safe house a couple of times, but as of last week, it wasn't in use.

"Senor McQuaid, here?"

"What can I do for you?"

"Can you go check on my rental, this is the longest we've left and with all the crime there, I'm a little worried."

"Yes, would I be finding something I need to dispose of there? If so, I need some funds to help with the job like last time."

"I'm paying you for a place I've hardly used Jorge. I think you've made enough from me and I paid you handsomely last time."

"I'll call you back within the hour."

Ryan headed back home where he stood in front of the evidence board he had built. It contained the following information:

**Known Aliases:**

Jessica Matthews

Lisa Morton

Martine Miller

Andrea Quinn

**Passports:** US, Canadian, Australian, German

**Proficient Languages:** Russian, Turkish, Arabic, Farsi, German, Hebrew, Italian, Spanish, French, Mandarin, Sinhalese, Portuguese, Estonian, Mandarin, Basque

**Burned:** China, Russia

**Medical:** Recovering from mitral valve repair, needs ongoing antibiotics, blood thinners, and periodic EKGs and echocardiograms, severely depressed, possibly suicidal.

Each time Ryan read the last point on Annie being suicidal, his hairs stood on end.

The board also contained a map of the area where Annie disappeared.

As Ryan stood there he went over his notes and information gathered from interviews.

McQuaid searched via helicopter the night and day after Annie disappeared. Local police helped when they could and went door to door, there weren't many doors to knock on in that area and Joan wanted to contain the search and not broadcast photos of Annie. Trackers found no trace of her beyond the immediate vicinity of the transport ambulance. Nearby they found a set of footprints that had been partially cleared as if someone had covered them up.

The ambulance had blown tires, but was moved off the road, the radio had been disabled, and supplies and materials were taken from inside. From where the ambulance was left to the main road is where a partial sets of footprints from a men's size 11 boots were found, but just one set. Ryan and Auggie deduced that someone carried Annie to a waiting vehicle. Once on the main road there were no signs or tire tracks of any kind and no one reported any suspicious activity that day. Regular sheriff patrols of the area found nothing suspicious.

The accounts from the ambulance driver and transport nurse yielded little usable information. The driver said he slowed his vehicle down when he noticed he had a flat, he shouted back to the nurse what was happening and stopped the van to look at the tires thinking he could change it. When he got out and bent down to look at the tire, someone knocked him out from behind. The nurse said as soon as the vehicle slowed she was looking out the back window, the patient who had been asleep got up and grabbed her from behind. She heard her say, "I'm sorry I have to do this, you'll be okay." That was all she remembered.

Ryan asked if there was anything else unusual, but both the driver and nurse were too traumatized by the few hours they spent in the woods before they were found. They couldn't remember anything out of the ordinary. The patient was sedated during the ride. Their cell phones were destroyed and by the time they regained consciousness it was dark and cold out. The police searching for the missing ambulance came across them. Annie Walker had at least a three-hour head start.

Auggie looked Annie's contacts while Ryan was physically out conducting and overseeing the search. He really only knew of one person she trusted perhaps more than him because she went to him for help and that was Eyal Lavin. But he was not in the U.S. at the time and vehemently denied knowing anything. He could have dispatched any number of his Mossad colleagues to help Annie, but Auggie found nothing on Mossad agents in the U.S. at the time. He knew he wouldn't. If they were in the U.S. on some unsanctioned favor for a friend, he'd never find out. Besides, Auggie had come to know Eyal and he felt he was telling the truth. Annie had no friends that he knew of besides himself, most of her friends who would be capable of helping her like Jai or Teo were dead. Auggie racked his brain trying to figure out who Annie could have gone to for help.

Auggie looked up Sana Wilcox, but she was also nowhere near the U.S. and definitely wasn't a size 11. Could Annie have made contacts in Switzerland while she was working for Sana's husband? Annie seemed to be full of secrets when she returned from being in the dark. He had no idea who she might have befriended while she was away for so long. She supposedly spent four months in the South Pacific. Anything was possible. Auggie also suspected Joan had helped Annie. It was the most obvious conclusion and he did ask her point blank, but Joan denied it saying she was the last person Annie would ask for help. That was true and Auggie trusted and respected Joan so he took her word.

Ryan recalls going to Joan to get all of Annie's aliases and safehouse locations. He knew about Martine Miller, but that was about it. Joan put up a fight when he asked, an operative's covers were highly classified, but eventually, 24 hours after Annie disappeared, she provided a list of Annie's known aliases and passport numbers. Ryan tracked all the bank accounts associated with Annie Walker and her aliases and turned up no activity. She had to have had a source for money and papers, he had to accept there was much more to Annie Walker that he didn't know and may never get a chance to know.

Ryan's phone rings. "What do you have for me Jorge?

Jorge is out of breath. "I chased a man out of there, a gringo like you."

"What?" Ryan is pumped, his first lead. No one was supposed to be there, he would check with Jim, but his gut told him this had to do with Annie.

"I entered and before I knew it a man knocked me down, I chase him out the back and lost him on the streets."

"Did he leave anything behind?"

"Just a bunch of muddy shoe prints. It's raining here."

"Does it look like he was he alone?"

"I'm looking around and no one else. I'll ask around the neighbors. "

"Send me a picture of those foot prints will you."

"I'm keeping your deposit for my troubles."

"And I want a full description of that man, you've gone soft Jorge, with your training you should have been able to catch up to the bastard."

Ten minutes later Jorge sends a picture of the foot prints and description of the male and reports from neighbors that lights were one last night, the man appeared to be there for just one night.

Ryan takes the picture and compares it against the partial boot print found at the scene of Annie's disappearance. It looks like a match. Who is this person? What is his connection to Annie?

He puts in his second call to Auggie who is busy at the DPD and still not picking up. Ryan leaves a message. "I have some new developments, what time can I pick you up?"


	42. Chapter 42 : The End of Annie Walker

Chapter 42 : End of Annie Walker

Note: Going back in time to the day Annie disappeared.

The sound of the food service delivery woke Annie up. She looked around and was relieved to be alone, she replayed her plans as she fell asleep the night before and they hinged on Ryan not being there. The scent of cinnamon and brown sugar hit her nose causing her empty stomach to growl. She took some sips of water to stem her hunger.

When she first arrived back in D.C. just a little over 24 hours ago, she didn't have much appetite, too much had happened for her to process, and eating was the last thing on her mind. But on the first morning after she was no longer pregnant, she smelled the food and just wanted to devour it, but she knew she couldn't just yet. She had to get through the next couple of hours before she was in the clear.

It was good that she was hungry, it kept her mind off of everything that happened to her since she gave herself up to save Ryan from getting killed by Kravec. Her hunger led her to remember her last real meal. Her mind was all over the place trying to keep from feeling the physical pain and pangs of hunger. She was wired in an odd sort of way.

**Remembering Her Last Real Meal**

It happened just 48 hours ago when she woke up at the beach house completely happy and to the smell of bacon. Oh God, how she loved bacon, ever since she was a kid.

Since her time recovering from surgery, Ryan was always up before her to check his e-mails and that day was no exception. She looked over at the clock and it was already 0730. He had probably already been up for two hours. It was the latest Annie had slept in since they arrived at the beach house. Despite her pregnancy fatigue, Annie was still a morning person. Annie recalls putting on her robe and walking out into the kitchen and living area to see Ryan hovering over the stove with his head tilted and his phone on his shoulder. As soon as he saw her, he smiled and handed her a glass of orange juice while planting a kiss on her forehead. All the while he was listening to the person on the other end. "Tell them we can set up a time to meet out there next week to assess the situation before I quote a price for our services. I can fly out first thing Monday. I'll be in Cairo and ready to meet Tuesday morning their time."

Even while on this short trip, Ryan spent time working and it was fine with Annie, she knew even before they were a couple that his company was his top priority and it was one of the reasons she fell in love with him. He was motivated to succeed by a strong desire to do the right thing for this country he loved. Annie had learned from Ryan that he left government because it was too mired in politics and red-tape that led to inaction and indecisiveness. It would seem counterintuitive to describe any of the leaders of the armed forces of the United States as bureaucrats, but that is what Ryan observed after spending so many years in the military. He was on track to go very far, but he was always unconventional and a man of action, he wanted to be a change agent and when the Navy couldn't handle some of his questions and suggestions, he decided to leave and build an organization that would not only value all its' employees input, but also make money while protecting the country he loved. In the absence of a family his work became everything and he cared deeply about all his clients and employees.

"Cairo? That'll be exciting! Haven't been there in ages."

"It's a big contract, otherwise I'd send someone else."

"I wasn't saying you couldn't go have an adventure you know." Annie worried that she would make him feel like she clipped his wings. But she didn't have to, he was doing it on his own because he wanted to.

"Never a dull day in my line of work, well that's not entirely true, there are many more dull days and dull meetings than the excitement we've seen together. Hoping to keep it that way."

"Me too, you let me sleep in." Annie was a bit surprised, she had only seen him completely dedicated to his company and didn't think he'd want to slow down.

"Figured you and the baby needed the extra rest. Hope I didn't wake you while on the phone." He wraps her in his arms and hugs her. Both of them think the same thing, this is unreal, the two of them together and relaxed.

"No, no, smells great. Thanks for the spread, you're spoiling me. I'm a cold cereal and milk or bagel and cream cheese on the run kind of girl."

Ryan chuckled, "We're not on the run, there's no need to hit the pavement, so we eat well and we take our time. Come on have a seat, eggs and toast are almost ready."

Annie laughs reminded of her first encounter with Eyal. "Treat each meal as if it were your last." At the time it was just a side comment, but how true it became. It was in a way the last meal the person who was Annie Walker would have with Ryan…

"Well, it's not quite that dramatic, but I can tell you these eggs are better than the ones in MREs."

"So, how long will you be gone?"

"Why, you gonna miss me?" asked Ryan with a huge smile.

Annie smiled back at him thinking to herself, she was indeed going to miss this man. "I was just wondering, maybe when you get back we can go out to San Francisco together? I'm still working things out in my head, but I want my sister to meet you. . ." Annie had been drafting letters and speeches on her laptop, she wondered if sending a letter ahead of time would lessen the shock or if it was better to just show up at Danielle's doorstep. Either way, it wasn't going to be easy to reappear, but she wanted to rebuild and repair her relationship with Danielle at the time. She wanted Danielle to be in her child's life.

"I think you mean you need me to be there to support you."

"Something like that, look I know you've taken quite a few days off on my account already and I understand if it's not a good time now," said Annie hesitantly. It was still hard for her to get used to being with someone again and she wasn't terribly good at long-term in the past, so Annie wasn't quite sure how to approach things with Ryan. She was still figuring him out and what it meant to be a couple.

"Walker, I would drop everything and go anywhere if you needed me."

"Don't drop everything. I know you give your company everything you've got and I understand that it comes first."

"I don't think you understand, work is work, sure I love my company, but I won't sacrifice you or my family for work. I learned that lesson long ago Walker. I'm working on a plan to lighten my load so by the time the baby comes I'll be freer. You can go off and bring home the bacon if you want, but there's plenty of bacon to go around already."

Annie's eyes narrow, then she laughs. "I'm having a hard time picturing you as Mr. Mom." But in her heart she thought, when will this man stop surprising me with his gestures and intentions? "You know me, always up for an adventure," says Ryan with a wink and a twinkle in his eyes.

Annie stood up, walked over to Ryan's seat and took his face into her hands and kissed him tenderly. "I'm carrying one lucky kid." Ryan kissed her back and put his hand on her stomach and said, "Let's get that kid some food." She sat down to dig into their hearty breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and fruit. And that was the last real meal Annie had eaten.

Annie lay there on her hospital bed, her stomach growling, wishing she had learned the same lesson Ryan had learned. If she had, they might still be at that beach house wrapping up their vacation. She had sacrificed everything for her work, at the end of the day it really was just a job and here she was, utterly broken because she had not heeded the advice that so many had tried to give her over the years.

The doctors were making their morning rounds. First the internist made his rounds, he checked out all of Annie's injuries and said, he understood she wasn't eating. Miss Walker, you haven't eaten anything since you arrived, we are all growing concerned." Annie simply starred out the window. "You've been through a lot, so we're going to get you someone to talk to, it will help." She continued to feign indifference.

The doctor checked her jaw out and then noticed Annie was missing a molar. "Did any of the other doctors know about you missing molar? Does it hurt?" Annie continued to ignore his question. "Okay, I'm going to get a dental consult in here too as I see another reason you are not eating." He went on to say she needed nutrition or she would continue to lose weight. "With your fractured jaw and missing molar, we could put in a feeding tube until everything healed enough for you to eat solid food again."

Annie didn't respond. "Miss Walker?" Annie continues to look out the window. She's thinking about how hungry she is, so maybe a feeding tube isn't a bad idea for now.

"I am ordering a feeding tube so you get the nutrients you need while your mouth heals."

Annie nods.

Next the psychiatrist arrived and spoke to Annie, who didn't have much to say in response either. The doctor assessed that Annie was indeed depressed and ordered some anti-depressants and therapy sessions. She talked about the traumatic events of the captivity and torture and their affect on soldiers she had treated. She tried to make Annie feel like she wasn't alone in her feelings of despair, that there was light at the end of the tunnel. The psychiatrist also recommended a support group that met daily at Walter Reed to help those who faced traumatic events cope. Annie was sick of hearing from the doctor, "I'm not a soldier."

"No, but you work for the United States government and you have much in common."

"Did any of them lose a baby? I don't care about myself, there's no reason to anymore."

"Give it a try, all the men and women have lost things, limbs, memories, their lives as soliders. Some of them can't return, some of them can accept that and some can't. Shared grief is something that can help you work through what's happened. I'll get things set up to take you to one of the groups later today and start you on some meds, they'll made a difference."

Last, Dr. O'Connor, the Obstetrician, entered Annie's room and proceeded to check Annie out and asked her questions about how she was feeling and her level of cramping and bleeding post D & C. "Annie, you were incredibly brave yesterday, I don't know you, but judging from what I saw, you're going to get through this."

"Thanks for the confidence, but it doesn't feel that way. I keep thinking about my baby and how he suffered."

"Oh Annie, brain function at 12 weeks just isn't there, he didn't suffer, I assure you."

"But he died slowly, his heart slowly stopped didn't it?"

"It's best not to think about it that way Annie."

"Did you get the lab results back?"

Dr. O'Connor was hoping Annie wouldn't ask. She gave Annie the news on the results of lab tests run on the fetus. Annie took the results hard. It was as she expected. The tests showed that her son was indeed a healthy baby boy, so the miscarriage was most definitely a result of the physical trauma inflicted by Ivan Kravec.

Hearing the test results made Annie lose it. She started shaking and couldn't breathe. She felt like she was having one of the episodes she had before, it was like her myocarditis was back, but it wasn't, the doors and windows were closing in on her and she couldn't hear anything going on around her. She felt a primal need to get out, to get fresh air. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't take in enough air. She started to rip out her IV, got out of bed and went to the windows, but they wouldn't open. The doctor called for help as Annie grabbed the IV stand to break the window.

Dr. O'Connor shouted, "She's having a panic or anxiety attack," let's get her some oxygen to help her breathe. She started talking to Annie in a soothing voice. "Just try to take in deep breaths." They administered valium and in a few minutes Annie calmed down, but started weeping as the news continued to sink in and what Annie had known in her heart was verified. She wasn't even angry at Ivan Kravec anymore, it all came back to her. Over and over again, she made the choices that landed her where she was, she chose the job, the mission and _she made it_ her mission was to seduce Ivan and get the intel. What was it all for? It led to a dead former CIA operative and started a cycle of violence and revenge that ended with her rape, torture and the loss of her baby. It was no act, in that moment, Annie broke and couldn't live with herself anymore.

With Annie sedated the staff went to work putting in her feeding tube. It felt like she wasn't even present, must be all the drugs thought Annie. She was relaxed and felt like she was floating as the doctor and nurses inserted the tube through her nose. Her body ached from her sudden moves to get out of bed, her shoulder and ribs throbbed, her back itched. She tried to stay focused, but eventually her weakness overtook her and she fell asleep briefly.

Outside the three doctors conferred about their patient Annie Walker. The psychiatrist recommended that Annie be transferred to a psychiatric hospital after her physical injuries healed. In the mean time, she should get daily therapy sessions and start on a course of anti-depressants. "Miss Walker's mental state is worse than I first diagnosed, based on some of her comments and actions, I'm afraid she may be a danger to herself. We need to keep an eye on her until she's well enough to be transferred." Everyone agreed that was the best option. "I'll go in and tell her, I think I've built up the most rapport with her" said Dr. O'Connor who was the only one who knew about Annie's rape. There was more to Annie Walker's story that the others didn't know.

When Dr. O'Connor entered Annie's room she wasn't prepared for the scene she found. Blood had pooled on the floor at Annie's bedside. The doctor shouted for help as she went to Annie. The sheets where Annie's wrist rested were soaked in blood. She tried to rouse Annie as she used what she could to stop the bleeding. A throng of people descended on the room again. Annie's blood pressure was dropping. A blood transfusion was ordered.

"She's lucky you came in when you did," said the psychiatrist to Dr. O'Connor.

"Another couple of minutes and we might not been able to keep up with the blood loss," agreed the internist.

If the doctors had any doubt before, they knew now that the situation was dire. Annie had to be transferred _immediately _to a facility that was better equipped to handle her mental state. Dr. O'Connor went to place a call to Joan Campbell, but it went to her voicemail.


	43. Chapter 43: Ben & Annie

Chapter 43

Note: First part of chapter it is still Day 8 after Annie leaves. . .

Not one to sit around and twiddle his thumbs, Ryan grabs his jacket and tracks down the ambulance driver and transport nurse. It's been eight days, perhaps being a bit removed from the stress of that day helped them remember new details.

The driver said they were on the road alone for a long stretch. There were no cars around them when he stopped the ambulance to check on the tires. He had told the police and Ryan everything already.

"What about before the tires blew out, do you remember anything unusual from the time you left the hospital?"

The driver stopped to think while Ryan played with his fingers, rubbing his thumb rapidly along the tips of his other fingers.

"Nothing, it was like any regular transport. I've done a few using the same route."

"Did it appear that you were followed or was anyone stopped along the road?"

The driver's brows furrow.

"Wait a minute, I remember seeing a silver minivan with hazards on at one point. It was at least 5 or more miles before my tires blew out, I'm not sure if she continued to drive down the road, do you think if she did, she might have come across Miss Walker and given her a ride?"

"I don't know, but that's good, that's good info. What do you remember about the minivan and the woman?"

"Not much, I only saw her back. It looked like the mother was changing a diaper. The trunk was open and she was leaning down."

"What did she look like?

"I don't know, I passed by going 65, yeah, I know it was a 55 zone."

"Did you catch any of the license plate?"

"No. I'm sorry. I think about her, the patient, I hope she made it."

"Yeah, me too. Here's my card, call me if you remember anything else."

It was day eight, but Ryan was still feeling hopeful. He had two new pieces of information. Someone, likely the same person who helped Annie was at his safehouse in Venezuela and now another possible lead. A woman driving a minivan could have seen something if she continued along the same road the ambulance traveled.

The nurse said she remembered Annie mumbled a lot.

"She kept mumbling sorry and about a baby. I didn't know her story, I usually only know the medical issues to look out for. I was supposed to check her blood pressure and oxygen levels and keep her sedated for the trip. I never pushed more of the sedatives because she seemed completely out to me."

"Did she seem alert at all, did it seem like she was pretending to be unconscious?"

"No, not at all, not until she grabbed me from behind did it occur to me that she was conscious. She was so strong, it really surprised me."

"Do you remember anything else unusual?"

"She said, 'I'm sorry I have to do this, you'll be okay.' That struck me as odd."

"How so?"

"I got the sense that she felt bad about hurting me that's all. I don't think someone in a psychotic depression is able to think that way, she seemed aware of what she was doing, I don't know, just a feeling."

"Thanks and if you recall any other details, please call me."

Ryan tries Auggie again. This time he answers, "Yeah Ryan, I got your messages, been busy here, what's new?"

Ryan fills Auggie in on the latest developments. "That description is pretty generic man. As far as I know there isn't anyone Annie would go to for help, Eyal and I were the most likely. You don't think it was Eyal do you?"

"No, the manager's description was clearly a Caucasian male and I sent him Eyal's pic, he says it wasn't him."

"Any ideas why Annie might go to back to Venezuela?"

"If Annie got close enough to someone else she could tap for help, I don't know about it, she kept a lot of things from me after she returned. She was only ever in Venezuela once for an op, early on in her career that I know of. I can go back and look at those mission files, but she worked that op alone."

"Beer later?"

"Nah, I got a lot going on over here, sorry, I'll try to look at that op in between what I'm working on, but remember during her total of eight months off the grid, she could have gone anyway and made any number of new friends."

"Yeah, I know there's a lot more to her."

"Ryan, be prepared for this to lead nowhere."

"You're sounding like Jim now."

They hang up.

Ryan knows Dex and Fitz are returning to McQuaid Securities' headquarters to prep for their mission. Both came up empty-handed. He couldn't send one of them down to Venezuela and he didn't want to leave D.C. in case Annie turned up.

Auggie goes to Joan's office. "What can I do for you Auggie?"

"You wouldn't know a reason Annie would return to Venezuela would you?"

Upon hearing this Joan grows weary, Auggie can't see the look on her face, but notes the hesitation in Joan's response.

"Venezuela? No, why do you ask?"

"Just something odd came up at McQuaid's safehouse, the one he and Annie took Borz Altan to for questioning. Someone was there and left a boot print that appears to match the partial boot print left at the scene where Annie disappeared."

"You've been in touch with McQuaid?"

"We've been meeting up the last few nights, he's kind of a mess, a tough guy like that, wouldn't have guessed. . ." said Auggie.

"The boot print, he thinks it belongs to Annie?"

"No, it clearly was a male at the house. You wouldn't know anyone who could have helped Annie would you?"

Joan can see that Auggie is trying to handle her. "No, she and I weren't particularly close, especially in light of recent events, I wish it had been different, you know she kept a lot to herself where I was concerned."

"Yep, thought I'd give you a try." Auggie starts to walk out.

Joan goes out on a limb and says, "Auggie, if you have any influence with McQuaid, help him to see what you saw after Annie didn't come back from Hong Kong. You've been in his shoes and you accepted after a week that she wasn't coming back. It's been more than a week."

"Where's this coming from?"

"Just call it my gut."

"Thanks Joan. I think I understand."

"Good. Anything else?"

"No."

Auggie leaves Joan's office knowing that she helped Annie and she wanted him to stop supporting McQuaid's efforts to track Annie down. He hated being in this position. He hated having to keep things from Ryan. And he hated Joan's characterization of him, but it was true. He did let Annie go after she didn't return from Hong Kong, he spent a few days trying to track her. He didn't know if she was dead or alive, he assumed she was alive and had her reasons for leaving. But time passed and he was good. McQuaid on the other hand wasn't giving up on her, he was nowhere near "good" with Annie leaving in her condition.

Joan gets up to leave her office. She needs to make a call off campus. As soon as she's somewhere safe, she dials Ben Mercer's cell. "Where the hell are you?"

"I thought we were radio silent after our last call."

"You are close to being made."

"Shit. McQuaid?"

"Yes, he doesn't know who, but your boot print matches the one partial left at the scene."

"Okay, I got the goods, I'm taking the cash back to Annie and I have some things for you."

"How is she?"

"Getting stronger."

"Scrub this phone. We can't risk meeting."

"And next assignment is in Pakistan, everything will be waiting for you, follow the protocol I gave you last time."

"Yes, ma'am."

**Going back in Time**

**Day 6 at the McCauley Home**

Annie wakes up to the sound of a toddler's squeals. She turned a corner on her sixth morning when Theresa removed the feeding tube and began eating some soft foods. When she arrived she was weak and they only had a small supply of pain medication, but Theresa managed to get IV antibiotics from her hospital for Annie to finish her course. Annie had to make do with OTC drugs. She slept for the first four days, still physically weak and emotionally drained. And now on her sixth day at the McCauley home she was well enough to manage the climb up the steps on her own to the ground level where Chris's workshop was. She met Chris and Theresa's daughter yesterday when Theresa came by to change her bandages before she went to work. She was an adorable 18 month old with light brown curls and big dark brown eyes. She was full of smiles, giggles and new words everyday. Ellie made Annie smile for the first time.

That morning, Annie she spent time with Theresa, Chris and their daughter Ellie up above in Chris's workshop. They ate breakfast and watched Ellie play with the dollhouse Chris was working on while Annie chatted with Theresa. It all seemed normal, so normal it was surreal to Annie. She learned how the couple met and how Ellie was named Eleanor after Chris's mother. Although Annie was smiling as she played with Ellie, she was filled with sadness. "I'm sorry, we're being insensitive talking about this stuff, you just lost a baby. We're so sorry Annie."

"Just chalk it up to the things the CIA took away from you and remember that if they ever approach you again," said Chris.

"Shush, hon, she doesn't need to hear that now."

"Yes she does, they haven't quit trying to suck me back in."

"Yet, you've managed to stay away," responded Theresa.

"You can get your life back like I did Walker, but you can't do it if they still have a hold on you. Remember that, things will get better, you'll find yourself again and along the way you'll meet people who will help you. Let them like I let you," says Chris.

"Thank you Chris. I appreciate everything you've done for me. And thank you Theresa, I know it isn't easy having me here. Don't worry about me, playing with Ellie has been lovely, really."

"It's beautiful out, maybe taking a walk and getting some fresh air will be good for you today."

"I have our land marked off with NO TRESPASSING signs. No one comes on my land without me knowing. I have the place wired to sound off alarms. You're safe as long as you stay close."

"We have the day off and we're heading out to run errands and to meet with Ellie's friends for a play date."

Suddenly there was a sound outside and the door handle moved startling Annie.

"It's okay, it's a friend," said Chris.

Ben walked through the door and joined them.

"I wasn't hallucinating. You were there in the woods, you were real," says Annie.

Ben responds, "Good to see you up Annie. Had us worried."

"Well that's our cue to leave. Annie, I have the list of things you gave me yesterday, we'll get your outfitted," says Theresa taking Ellie's hand.

As Chris and Theresa get up to leave the cabin Ellie runs back to give Annie a hug making Annie smile and laugh with gratitude. "Thank you both, I don't know how to repay you." Annie looks at Ellie and says, "You're the best medicine little one."

"Just get healthy and stay away from the CIA," says Chris.

He knew Joan Campbell and the CIA. They have a hard time letting people they invested in leave. For years they came back to him, even after Ben took out Hasan. They still wanted him back if not in the field, then at Langley doing analysis of intel. The recent developments in Africa and the growing number of Islamic extremists training people there was a top priority and Chris had a lot knowledge on the continent and while years old he still had contacts there. Chris continued to run the people the CIA sent off his property.

Ben and Annie are alone for the first time in years. An awkward silence filled the cabin. "Joan called me. I was free and in between assignments and I owe Joan, but mostly I owed you."

"Thank you for your help."

"Here are your papers and new passports and there's about 20K there, but it's not enough to really start over. Joan said she gave you some resources."

Annie looks through her new ids. "Katie Porter? You pick the name?"

"Yeah, I remembered you liked Cole Porter and Katie is a tribute to your middle name. You're still an expert linguist, except I only listed a few of your fluent languages, didn't want to tip anyone off, there are only so many people in the world who speak over a dozen languages."

"Middlebury, nice pedigree you created and you made me younger. Thanks. You didn't tell Joan my new name did you?"

"Wow, you're paranoid, that's good, a good spy relies on paranoia. No, Joan doesn't know your new identity, but I did speak to her while I was off having these made, your boyfriend is still looking. It's best to move out in the next couple of days if you're well enough. Joan said she gave you some other resources?"

"Yeah," Annie took out her keys from the chain under her shirt and shows them "Safe deposit boxes in Venezuela and Switzerland." But I'm petty sure it's not safe for me to go to Maracaibo. Joan believes there's a good amount of cash in these as well as personal affects. Basel, may be okay for me as a starting point."

"Okay, I could use a little vacation before my next assignment, Maracaibo it is."

"I can't ask you to do that, you've done enough by getting me here."

"You didn't ask, I offered. Besides, I'm in between assignments and need some more exciting things than fly-fishing. You okay to take a walk? I'll show you my campsite, maybe throw out a line?"

"Sure." Ben grabs a jacket for Annie, and opens Chris's gun safe to grab a pistol. He hands it to Annie and they exit the cabin.

The fresh air and scenery gives Annie a new energy she didn't have. "Have you been here the whole time?"

"Yeah, sat down in the bunker with you when Theresa and Chris couldn't, been camping out, nothing like waking up in the great outdoors, but I'm on day six of the same, so time for a change in scenery."

"Still can't stay put for more than a week huh? Glad to see you haven't changed."

"I might have changed if someone wanted to come along with me." Ben looks over at Annie who is quietly taking in his words. "I can't help but feel responsible Annie. They recruited you to get to me, I'm sorry that you lost so much working for them."

"None of that is on you. I had opportunities to walk away as far back as my first few missions. I chose to stay, I chose to make sacrifices and that's why I'm here. There's no one else to blame."

"I think about the last time I saw you. You were different. Do you remember? I asked you to go on vacation with me. I wonder a lot about what could have been if you came with me."

"Ha, at the time a few days in some tropical location before a tearful good-bye wasn't what I was looking for."

"You're probably right, we wouldn't have lasted. But I have great memories Walker."

They arrive at the campsite. "Looks cozy."

"Chris and I have done a bit of fishing out here. He's a good man."

They throw out a few lines together before Annie begins to look tired. "Let's get you back inside."

Ben grabs his things and puts out the campfire. He takes down his one-man tent and stuffs everything in his backpack before they walk back to the cabin.

"Be back in two, three days tops."

"Thanks, as soon as you return, I'll be on my way," says Annie.

"Any thoughts as to where?"

"I have some ideas."

Ben understands that she doesn't want him to know where she's going and he leaves it as such.


	44. Chapter 44 : Joan & Ryan

**Chapter 44**

Note: Joan-centric, Back to Day 8 with some flashbacks to Day 1

After Joan finishes talking with Ben, she breathes a sigh of relief as she stood outside the campus to take in the cherry blossoms that were about to bloom, it was almost springtime in D.C. Joan was so relieved to hear that Annie was getting stronger because she had been constantly worried for the last week about Annie's state of mind and whether she made the right call or not in helping her.

When Joan finally found out about the events leading to Annie's transfer order she couldn't sleep and regretted agreeing to help Annie. It took every bit of her discipline to keep from driving to Christopher's property to check on Annie and talk her into staying in D.C. to get the support she needed to overcome her ordeal.

Joan's office had received a call from Walter Reed after the doctors treated Annie and agreed that she was a danger to herself. The call came while Joan was listening to Ryan McQuaid's debrief and Q & A session and dealing with other developments at the DPD. During a break, her assistant told her that the hospital had called. She knew what the call would be about, she and Annie had discussed the plan the previous evening when she visited her while she was having X-rays done.

Joan had to time hearing the news just right so that Ryan didn't find out that she had gotten a message from the hospital while she was in a position to tell him or he would later ask why she hadn't informed him of Annie's condition. So Joan deliberately didn't return the call, but how she wished she had later that day. She would have rushed straight to the hospital to put the kibosh on Annie's plan to disappear.

When Joan finally learned that Annie took the drastic measure to take her own life her own steely reserve was shaken. Never in Joan's plans or imagination did she think Annie would go so far as to make an attempt on her life. She worried that Annie was seriously unstable and unable to handle being on her own. She had no idea how undone Annie was and she felt terrible for helping her to leave, it would have been better to make her stay and deal with her demons. Joan was completely in the dark about Annie's condition and just had to assume that she was all right, so she pressed on and followed the plan. Joan rushed to the hospital and at the same time Ryan was rushing out after learning what had happened.

Joan recalls their terse exchange as they passed each other in the lobby of Walter Reed.

"Ryan, what's the news on Annie?" asks Joan as Ryan runs past her.

"You knew while I was at Langley didn't you? You didn't think I would want to know what happened here?" accuses Ryan pointedly.

"I came right down here as soon as I learned the news _20 minutes_ ago."

"This happened hours ago, you really only found out 20 minutes ago? Well, she's _gone_, en route to a psych ward for God's sake, how could you okay that? You dropped the ball as her emergency contact. She was alone while I was wasting my time answering a bunch of asinine questions."

Joan feels horrible, but she fires back. "You were done almost two hours ago, you could have been back here then and you know very well that your after action report puts in the nails in Kravec's coffin, he tried to kill you and Annie gave herself up to save you. We needed your account and I stand by that. And I didn't okay her transfer, with Annie's emotional state, the doctors did what they think was necessary. I was hoping to catch her before they left."

The guilt hits Ryan a thousand fold. He had gone to pick up the puppy for Annie when he left Langley. He wanted to do something to cheer her up, but he should have been there, maybe if he were there. . .

"Well, she needed me more. I have to go."

"Where are you going?" asks Joan. She needed to figure out what he was doing.

Ryan had called Jim to fire up the chopper. Ryan was still recovering from his own injuries and couldn't easily pilot the chopper. "I'm getting to my helicopter and flying out to the psychiatric hospital. If I hurry, I'll get there right as they pull up."

Damn it, thought Joan to herself. She had to make sure Ben and Annie made it to Chris's without any problems. The transport ambulance left an hour ago. If everything went according to plan, Annie should be safe with Ben and on her way to the McCauley property.

"Annie will be okay Ryan."

"She tried to kill herself Joan, I don't think she's okay," says Ryan as he rushes out the door and into Jim's car.

Joan had to go and make sure Annie's medical records were redacted and that Dr. O'Connor would continue to keep Annie's secret.

Once Joan took care of details on Annie's records at the hospital she called Ben. Ben told her that Annie had passed out, but they were on their way to the McCauley property. Ben would take care of getting Annie's passports and new identity, there would be no more communication. Joan asked Ben to keep a very close eye on Annie. Ben was surprised to hear what Joan told him about Annie's condition and what she had done to get the transfer order. He promised Joan he would take care of her and make sure she was not a danger to herself, his own guilt over Annie's situation surfaced. She was in the CIA because of him, they recruited her because of him.

All Joan wanted to do was get home after the day she's had. She'd forgotten how emotionally draining it was to deceive people. She drives through D.C. to her Georgetown neighborhood and thinks about the mistakes she's made along the way. She thinks about the people who work for her. She thinks about Arthur and how much she misses having someone to talk to.

Joan relieves Mac's nanny, changes out of her work clothes and sits down to dinner with her little guy in his high chair. He's starting to feel himself with his little pincer grasp. She watches as he picks up small pieces of pasta and peas. Joan laughs watching him make a mess and he squeals back in delight as he gets food into his mouth. Moments like those were just want Joan needed after the day she had. Joan hugged him extra tight and played with him on the floor before giving him a bath and reading him Goodnight Moon. She settled him in her arms to rock him to sleep. It was a terrible habit, but she didn't care if she spoiled her boy, besides, she needed him in her arms as she prayed for Annie.

**Night of Day 8**

Jim finds Ryan at a bar, one of their favorite places to drink after a long day at work. Ryan motions to Jim to have a seat and tells the bartender, "Two more, straight up."

"Dex and Fitz are back. They're prepping to leave, wheels up at 0700."

Ryan keeps drinking his scotch. "Someone was at the safehouse in Maracaibo, boot prints match the partial at the scene where Annie was taken from the ambulance."

"Taken? She ran Ryan. She wasn't taken. Can you accept that she doesn't want to be found?"

Ryan looks straight at Jim and says, "No."

"Ok, tell me, who can this man be? Another CIA spook? A former lover? How are you gonna find him?"

Jim's point blank and bold questions irritate McQuaid. Jim was being a callous jerk, his own irritation at being stateside clouding the compassion Ryan knew was there somewhere deep inside him.

"There was also a minivan, the ambulance driver remembered one was parked on the side of the road a few miles before the tires were blown. Some woman changing a diaper at the back of the van. Could lead somewhere."

Jim rolls his eyes, "Or not! Slim man. It's all slim. How's a mom gonna stop for a crazed woman in a hospital gown? I presume Annie looked pretty messed up."

"Jim, I need to dig deep. I owe it to her, you didn't see her, losing the baby did something to her. It did something to me. I lost a child and I don't want to lose her. Can you not be such a damn jerk for once in your life?"

Jim continues to drink his first one, while Ryan orders his third. It would become a familiar scene in the weeks and months to come.

"I love you like a brother, so I'm going to tell you what I think. Either she really wanted to die _and is dead_ or she was insane enough to slit her own wrists just so she can form an escape plan. Either way she's certifiable and doesn't want to be here. She left her life, she left the CIA, _she left you_. Let her go before this search brings you to a bad place, a place you can't come back from. We need you at work. McQuaid Security needs McQuaid."

Ryan downs his third one, catches the bartender's attention. "Another of the same." The bartender looks to Jim, he waves him off. He'll need to drive Ryan home so he doesn't have anymore.

"I need to give it everything I've got, I'm going to keep looking. I just need to know she's alive. She doesn't have to come back to me, but I just need to know she's okay. "

"Fuck Ryan, don't drop the ball on your life's work. You fought your way back after Kelly and then Caitlyn's betrayal, can you at least come to work at your real job for a few hours a day? You know I'm not made to sit behind a desk. You're better at being you than I am."

Ryan downs a couple more shots and Jim drags his friend's ass home and puts him in bed. Before he leaves Jim takes in Ryan's evidence board. He takes down the info on the minivan. The least he could do to help was run down all known cars with the same description. It would probably yield tens of thousands of cars in the tri-State area.


	45. Chapter 45: Back from Venezuela

**Chapter 45**

Ben returns from Venezuela on Day 9.

On the way back to DC, Ben thinks about Annie a lot. During those first couple of days he and Chris shared beers while keeping watch over Annie. Sitting in silence for hours was easy for them, both not men of many words. Ben realized no one really knew him, he didn't let anyone in and he hadn't worked closely with anyone in years. He spent the last few years being someone else, living as someone else, talking like someone else, and returning from that wasn't easy. Did he really know who he was?

Chris broke the silence.

"So you're the one Annie learned the rapala knot from."

Ben, surprised that Chris knew that, "We should go out there when it stops raining." He noted from Chris's cabin that he was an avid fisher.

"Fishing is a whole a lot better than being a cog for the CIA, why are you still there man?"

"I don't know, at the end of the day, it's all I've known and killing the bad guys, it gives me a certain rush you know?"

Chris nods, "It did until it took something precious for me, until the greater good wasn't clear to me anymore."

"I just get the bad guys."

"What if the bad guys are telling you to get the bad guys?"

"Stop busting my balls, I took out Waleed. I took out a guy in Kashmir who sent kids with bombs strapped to them on missions. I know who is bad."

"And you're okay with the things you need to do to get the bad guys, ends justify the means sort of thing?"

Ben thinks about how Annie changed things for him. "I'm not blindly following orders."

"You can't do the job forever. It's a lonely life."

The two men share stories about their lives working for the CIA. Ben had been in Kashmir for the last three years, developing a history, perfecting his Urdu, Kashmiri and Pashtu. He worked deep-cover as an American jihadist gathering intel on the Taliban entering the region. During the time he was completely in the dark about Annie and it was good. He needed it to forget her. Being deep-cover, he was completely in the shadows, unaware of anything going on within the agency.

Chris told him Annie was the one who took down Wilcox. He couldn't give a shit what Joan said about classified, he signed nothing and he had no loyalty to the CIA. Ben would not believe it if Chris didn't say Joan was the source. Ben hated Wilcox and would have killed him himself if he could.

Ben kept his shell bracelet and Annie's picture with him all these years even though along the way he met different women and had a free relationship with the cut out he had in Pakistan. He thought of Annie from time to time and his one regret was not working harder at keeping her, but he knew himself, he choose the field over love and it looks like Annie was choosing to run rather than stay. She wasn't choosing love either. Working for the CIA was definitely a killer of relationships.

He wondered what happened to the sunny and positive woman he met who changed him. He guessed working for the CIA did that to her. She got into the clutches of this Kravec character because of an op, seeing Annie's injuries when he carried her into the bunker and helped Theresa redress her bandages caused anger to boil inside him. If he ever got near this Kravec, Ben was fully capable of killing him with his bare hands and it was a name he would not forget.

Ben landed in D.C. and decided to abandon the minivan he had parked at Dulles. He didn't want to take any chances. He uses the money from the safe in Maracaibo to buy a Prius.

It was time to get back with the cash and work on getting Annie out of the country. McQuaid was getting uncomfortably close.

Ben arrives back at the McCauley property via a circuitous route. He tells Annie that Ryan is still looking. Chris, Theresa, Ben and Annie spent a last night together eating BBQ trout, drinking beers and talking into the night. Annie helped give Ellie a bath, it was like playing in the water than a bath. It reminded Annie of giving her nieces baths while Danielle and Michael were out on date nights. She tried not to be sad, not to feel sorry for herself. The one chance she had at this life, the life of a mother was gone. Annie read Ellie "Pajama Time" and gave her a hug before Theresa put her down. Ellie said her name and it melted Annie's heart.

Theresa wanted Annie to stay for another few days for the sake of her recovery, Annie still needed a sling to keep her collarbone in place. Her ribs were better and her bleeding had stopped, but she was still not 100%. Annie said, "Thank you, I can't take any risks, I've come this far, I'll finish recovering out of the country."

"It's been good getting to know you, seeing a side of Chris, he hasn't revealed to me. Thank you for being a light for him all those years ago. I hope you find some of that light on your journey."

"Thanks, I'll send a postcard when I can. You'll know it's me."

Annie looks at Chris and Theresa, "If Ryan shows up here, you'll know what to do."

"Deny, deny, deny. Something I got good at while at the CIA." Retorts Chris.

"Of course, we won't let on that you were here, but this man, he obviously loves you, are you sure you want to give that up?" asks Theresa.

"At first it may have been rash, but as the days passed, I know it's for the best. He deserves more and I don't have anything left to give right now."

"Chris, can we talk a walk?" says Annie. Ben raises his eyebrows, but helps Theresa clear the plates.

Annie and Chris step outside and walk under the stars. She asks him about Africa, places he knows, places she can blend in easily and use her language skills. Chris gives her some ideas on where she could go, but says, things have changed and rapidly since his days on the ground.

"It's a whole new ball of wax with ISIS and dozens of Muslim militant groups cropping up. It's not a place to blend in easily as an American. It's kind of crazy to go there."

Annie looks at the night sky that often offered her comfort as a kid. "Didn't say I was going there, just curious," replies Annie.

Chris knowingly rolls his eyes. "Have you learned nothing from my story?"

Annie says, "I have, that's why I'm leaving."

"You haven't heard the same story then. I re-entered the world, I faced my demons and found someone to share my life with. I stopped hiding."

"Can you tell me anything about how easy it would be to get by as a translator?"

Chris gave Annie some suggestions about areas he thought would be safe and easy to blend in due to the number of ex-pats living there. Annie took it all in, she was trying to choose between somewhere in Africa or somewhere in Southeast Asia.

Annie looked at Chris.

"I can't thank you enough, if I'm ever in a position to help you, I will." says Annie.

Chris looks at her. "I owed you. You may not see it, but you helped me make my way back, I wish I could help you do the same. I wanted to reach out after finding out that you took out Wilcox, but I couldn't find you. Consider this my way of thanking you Walker."

She hugs him, "I'm glad you have a normal life now. You have a beautiful family."

"If I could climb out of the darkness and face my demons, you can too. I hope you make your way out of the mud."

Annie and Ben leave the McCauleys later that night, all of Annie's possessions are in a small roller suitcase and carry-on bag. No need to check anything in, waiting around at any baggage claim was trouble for a spy. Chris heads north toward the border, but Annie says directs him in the opposite direction. "Um, that's going towards trouble."

"I have one last thing I need to do."

Ben looked over at Annie like she was crazy.

"I can drop you off and we can say good-bye here."

He couldn't resist her.

Shaking his head, he turned the car around and headed south.

"Where are we going?"

Day 10

The shoe print leads Ryan nowhere. Jim could have told him that.

Jim found lots of silver minivans in the tri-state area, he started by looking into stolen ones matching the description and general time frame of Annie's disappearance. He noted an abandoned minivan at the airport's short-term parking lot. Not only was it stolen it was left at Dulles on the sixth day Annie went missing. It was stolen in Bethesda the day before Annie disappeared. He told Ryan about it, they went to the impound lot. Inside, they found a strand of blond hair but no prints. It had been wiped clean. That in itself was a clue. Helping in this way was Jim's apology for being a jerk about Annie. No words were ever exchanged, but the two men knew each other long enough to understand.

Ryan looks at surveillance footage at the lot and airport entrances. It's easy to narrow down to terminals and gates with flights going to Latin American countries, but he finds nothing. Then he expands the search, perhaps this man went through Texas or Florida. He spends hours reviewing the footage for the day the minivan was parked at the airport. He found footage of the man pull into the lot, but there was no good shot of his face. He printed out the photos of the shadowy figure wearing a hoodie and carrying a backpack. The airport footage was hard to go through, this man could have changed his appearance between the parking lot and airport. No one stood out to his knowledge.

"She's probably long gone, out of the country Ryan. We've checked all the feeds at Dulles and we didn't see anyone matching her description, but she could have been disguised. You know there are hundreds of flights out daily," says Jim.

"That's enough. Thanks for helping," says Ryan sarcastically. Ryan was started to believe that all the help Jim offered was skewed to convince him looking was a waste of time. Jim says, "I'm going to the mission briefing for the Boko operation, you coming?"

"No, you go ahead," replied Ryan. He just couldn't let go of his obsession.

Ryan is back at work, but "work" was hardly what Jim would call how Ryan spent his time. He was still using all the resources at his disposal to look for Annie. Ryan goes back to all the surveillance footage at Dulles on the day the minivan was parked at short-term parking, this time he's not looking at faces or clothes to match the poor screen shot he has from the parking lot. He's looking at shoes.

Ryan picks up the phone to try Eyal again.

"Eyal, wondering if you've heard from Annie."

"The answer is still no. If she's in the wind, she's in the wind. I'm going to respect that," responds Eyal tersely.

"You know I care for her and I know you do too. I just need to know she's okay, Eyal, I don't even know if she's dead or alive." Ryan's voice cracks.

Eyal does feel bad for the man, but his loyalty would always be to Annie first. He had done his own digging when time allowed, but he didn't get anywhere either.

He sighs.

"I'll take a look at our security feeds and see if she entered Israel. As far as I know she doesn't hold an Israeli passport, but she does know Tel Aviv and Jerusalem like a native."

"Thanks Eyal."

As soon as Eyal hangs up he gets on his computer. He logs onto the board he uses to communicate with Annie if ever needed. No word from Neshema. He writes another message: In search of lost blond petite pup, scars from heart surgery. Answers to Neshema.

Eyal doesn't hear anything. His inquiries within Mossad also turn up nothing.


	46. Chapter 46 : St Anthony

Chapter 46

I enjoyed writing this chapter. I'm so sad we don't get to see more of Ryan's backstory and more dialogue from Joan. So this is something for the other Joan fans.

Day 12

The phone rings and jolts Ryan awake, he looks at his bedside clock, it's 0700. He must have hit snooze and kept sleeping without realizing it. He had a raging headache from self-medicating with Bourbon, Patron, and Guinness Stout the previous night. For a moment he forgot where he was and what had happened. On the third ring he answers the phone and learns that another blond Jane Doe fitting Annie Walker's description was found in an abandoned drug house in D.C.

Ryan forgoes his usual morning swim and splashes cold water on his face. The image he sees reflected back in his bathroom mirror is that of a tired and sad man. He hadn't been taking care of himself, he stopped shaving, piles of mail overtook his dining room table, his normally tidy house was cluttered, and he was pissing Jim off by neglecting his duties at work.

"Get it together," he says to himself before he dresses and heads to the morgue. "No drinking tonight, keep your head clear," he says on the drive, his head pounds, so he downs a bottle of water and three Tylenol. It was actually the fourth blond Jane Doe he had gone to identify since the first one five days ago. Identifying these bodies had taken him to rural Virginia with Auggie, then Baltimore, Roanoke and now D.C. on Day 12.

To his relief, none of them had been Annie, but he still had to be sure. Each time he waited to be helped and stood in the morgue as the attendant opened the drawer he whispered over and over a prayer he had learned as a small boy. It was a prayer that had brought back many a missing marble, favored plastic green soldier, and once even his entire collection of '83 Oriole baseball cards. After that Ryan believed, he believed in miracles. His devout Irish Catholic mother was always amused by his excitement to share an answered prayer involving a lost prized possession though she chastised him for using prayer so frivolously. "If only you would use your faithful prayers for the sick, oppressed, and poor Ryan Patrick McQuaid."

Ryan still had that prized collection of baseball cards from the '83 World Series champs he had lost but recovered. Then, somewhere between his teenage years and manhood, he stopped praying to St. Anthony, the Patron Saint of Lost Things. But in the last twelve days he found himself praying for the first time in years. It's interesting what happens to a self-reliant man like Ryan McQuaid when faced with knowing he had no control, no clues, no resolution in sight, and no hope. He had abandoned God and the church years ago. He thought he would have forgotten the words, but in his desperation, the prayer rolled off his tongue with ease along with others. So he prayed in earnest to St. Anthony as he stood waiting to see the most recent body. He prayed like the boy he remembered who believed uttering the prayer repeatedly would bring back what he had carelessly lost.

"Saint Anthony, perfect imitator of Jesus, who received from God the special power of restoring lost things, grant that I may find my Annie who has been lost. As least restore to me peace and tranquility of mind, the loss of which has afflicted me even more than my material loss. To this favor I ask another of you: that I may always remain in possession of the true good that is God. Let me rather lose all things than lose God, my supreme good. Let me never suffer the loss of my greatest treasure, eternal life with God. Amen."

And when he opened his eyes and saw that the woman laying there wasn't the one he had lost, he was thankful. God and St. Anthony hadn't produced Annie's yet, but she wasn't dead and as long as he had no proof that Annie killed herself, there was hope that he'd find what he lost.

Ryan had lunch scheduled with Joan later that day. After a few attempts to try to talk to her since the initial days of Annie's suicide attempt, he finally got her to agree to meet him. Joan avoided him and used work as an excuse, but realized she couldn't put McQuaid off anymore. They meet at an upscale restaurant on Pennsylvania Ave, Fiola, where Ryan had wined and dined many a politician and government official. Joan doesn't plan on staying long, she has a shitload of issues to manage at the DPD and her next meeting was with a contact at the Russian embassy.

Ryan is armed with a photo, spending hours looking at the shoes on the surveillance footage the previous night paid off. Though drunk, Ryan had hit the jackpot by looking for men wearing very specific boots. He knew the print was from a Matterhorn Field Boot. Not something someone buys at a big box store, it was a specific shoe popular among law enforcement and military types like himself. From his search he yielded a side profile of the man he was sure had helped Annie get away from the transport ambulance. It was hard to see all his features, but the side profile was good enough. He wanted to see if Joan knew him. He ran what he had through his facial recognition program, but turned up nothing.

Joan arrives at the upscale restaurant, Ryan stands up, always a gentleman. He pushes her chair in for her.

"How are you holding up?" asks Joan.

"Not giving up. What's the news on your end?"

"What do you mean?"

With frustration and distain, Ryan responds, "I mean what's the news on Annie, one of your most valued operatives goes missing, doesn't the CIA turn over every stone for one of its' own? You know I find it strange that the DPD isn't giving this everything they've got considering everything Annie has sacrificed for the CIA."

Joan fires back, "Excuse me? We have exhausted every avenue looking, but we have other threats that require our attention and I resent the insinuation that the agency doesn't recognize Annie's service."

"It's not just the agency, I'm also talking about you Joan Campbell. You're not even looking for her anymore are you? You've given up on her."

Joan lets out a sigh and says, "You don't know Annie, she's a force to be reckoned with and if she is determined, she will do what needs to be done."

Ryan stares at Joan trying to figure her out. He knew her as Arthur's wife and had only recently worked with her professionally. She had a reputation of being all business, a workaholic, cool under pressure, tough on her staff, and was once the agency's golden girl in the field.

Joan continues, "Ryan, Annie's done this before, the last time we drilled down all our leads and we came up with nothing. She knows our playbook and she has excellent spy craft, I don't think we'll find her _if _she's still alive."

"You believe she may be dead?" asked Ryan in disbelief.

"I never would have believed that Annie Walker would try to take her life, but she was fragile. She snapped, that's evident in what happened at the hospital. I want to believe she's still alive, but you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that she's not."

"Our last interaction keeps replaying in my head. She said Kravec destroyed her, I was and am devastated too, but to want to die? I don't believe it. I would know it if she were dead. I know she's out there Joan and she's blaming herself for everything. She always believed she was too screwed up to be with anyone, that being alone was the answer. . .I thought I got her to see differently. . ."

Joan was not wired for this hand-holding business, she wasn't exactly thrilled with her role in Annie's disappearance, but she did make a promise to Annie that she intended in keeping. Joan's wheels were turning, how was she going to get out of being Ryan's shoulder to cry on? She had serious work waiting for her at the DPD and an important tete-a-tete with Maxim. Joan simply didn't have time for Ryan McQuaid's lost cause.

"Ryan, I've known Annie _a lot_ longer than you. My gut based on years of knowing my operative is that she has _no_ plans to come back."

Ryan hated being reminded by the people around him that he didn't really know Annie at all and that their romance was short lived _and_ rocky. He believed he knew her. He knew her like he knew himself. He takes out his folder and passes it across the table to Joan. "Do you recognize the man in the photo?"

Joan looks at Ryan before she opens the folder. She's fully expecting to see a picture of Ben Mercer. Joan knew that Annie and Ben were gone. They left two days ago, a good enough head start. Ben should be untraceable. The agency wiped all his records when he went dark. Everything he did was off the books and with little support from anyone, but Joan now that Arthur was dead. Joan thought for a moment how to handle the situation and she decided the _partial_ truth would lead to the least amount of questions.

She opens the folder and her eyes narrow as she tries to feign disbelief. She looks up at Ryan, "Where did you get this?"

"You know him?"

"Yes, he was one of ours."

"Was?"

"He went rogue long ago."

"Who is he?"

"Where did you get this?"

Ryan is getting frustrated, Joan's answering his questions with her own questions.

"Dulles, security, six days ago. He went through Dulles and wound up at my safe house in Venezuela and he was probably the one who helped Annie in the woods. I have boot prints that match in those two places." Ryan was taking a huge leap, but he believed in his hunch. The boot prints were a partial match.

Joan is taking it all in, Ben was getting sloppy if he left a boot print and a camera managed to catch his side profile. She hoped he was up to the task for his new op in Pakistan.

"Your turn to talk Joan."

"I can't say much Ryan, other than he's a ghost. He's been off the agency's radar for at least four years now."

"Tell me where he last worked, his aliases, his contacts, everything Joan. What's in Venezuela? What missions did he have there? I need to know."

"Ryan, you know I can't tell you any of that. I broke a bunch of protocols giving you info on Annie's aliases. If he's resurfaced the DCI needs to know ASAP." Joan starts to gather her purse.

"No, you're not getting off so easily," says Ryan tersely. "What's his connection to Annie?"

"She never mentioned him to you?"

"Him who? I don't even have a name! God damn it Joan, tell me his name."

The conversation is getting heated and other patrons are starring. The waiter comes by, "May I take your orders."

"No, just more water for me. I can't stay for lunch." Joan looks at her watch, she didn't plan on staying through lunch and needs to get out of this conversation.

"I'll take a gin and tonic." This prompts Joan to worry for Ryan, one of Arthur's favorite pupils at Annapolis.

Ryan lowers his voice, but asks firmly, "I _need_ a name Joan!"

Joan pauses deliberately as if choosing her next words carefully. Should she tell him or not? With decisiveness she proceeds.

"His name is Ben Mercer, he's the love of Annie's life. He broke her heart and she never really got over him."

Joan really knew how to throw a gut punch Ryan's way. "I didn't know she was still in contact with him, no one has been able to track him down since he went off the grid. If Annie knew how to get in touch with him, she broke protocols by not reporting it."

"So seems like you didn't know her so well either," says Ryan sarcastically.

Joan gets a phone call. "I have to go. If you're right and she's with Ben Mercer, she's probably still alive, but you'll have a hell of a time finding them, Ben was an exceptional operative like Annie was and he's kept himself hidden from the agency for the last four years."

Ryan was too stunned with this new info to stop Joan. She gets up, "Wait a minute, I still have questions."

"Give it up Ryan, she's gone."

"If this Ben Mercer is so important to the agency, aren't you going to look for him now?"

"Even if I did, I couldn't tell you."

Ryan sighs and downs his gin and tonic. Joan was already up from her chair, now starts to walk away, but stops and turns back to the table.

"Ryan, I'm saying this because Arthur cared for you and came to respect you as a peer. Go home, get yourself cleaned up and stop drinking. I could smell it coming out of your pores. If you don't get it together, I'm not going to have enough confidence to continue our contracts with McQuaid Security."

With those last remarks Joan walks away.

Ryan didn't know what to think, but at least he had a name now. Could Annie have run off with her former lover? She never mentioned him, they talked about Auggie and Simon, the doctor who had no idea what Annie did for a living, but never this Mercer character. He wondered why she didn't talk about Ben Mercer. Was Joan right, was he the love of her life?

Ryan returns to his office and calls all his contacts at the CIA including Auggie to see if anyone knows Ben Mercer. He spends the rest of the day researching and finds nothing useful. Auggie, also avoiding Ryan, tells him he's busy at work and can't meet up. Ryan heads home and updates his evidence board. He drinks some more water and finds a veggie juice blend left in his fridge. Annie enjoyed them. It was the last bottle left and two days past the sell by date. Slowly, there wasn't much left in the fridge to remind him of Annie.


	47. Chapter 47 : Auggie & Ryan

**Chapter 47**

Day 13

Ryan found no useful information on Ben Mercer despite spending the day digging. There's nothing available on him after his college graduation. His mother was dead and his father was at a Memory Care Home for Alzheimer's patients. None of his siblings had seen him in person in years and were pissed that they were left to care for their father without his emotional help or support. He wired them money from around the world, but they characterized him as a kid who never grew up and shirked his responsibilities to his family. Ryan looked into where the wired funds originated, but found over the years, they came from different countries and from accounts he could not trace.

McQuaid meets Auggie after work on the 13th day since Annie made the attempt on her life and disappeared while being transported to a psychiatric facility. Ryan had called the man enough and finally Auggie called him back and agreed to meet at Allens. When he sees Auggie at the door, Ryan walks over to him and leads him to a table near the bar.

"Having the usual shot of Patron?"

"Nah, I'll just stick to beer, no heavy stuff. I need to stay sober, have a long night ahead of me."

"So Joan wasn't bullshitting me when she said the DPD was getting slammed."

"Joan doesn't do bullshit. Speaking of sober, I hear you need to take it easy with the booze."

Ryan orders himself a scotch neat. Auggie orders a Pale Ale while giving Ryan a worried look.

"I met with Joan yesterday."

"She might have mentioned that to me and she's the one who told me you need to lay off the heavy stuff."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Surprised she cares, she obviously doesn't care about Annie."

Auggie sighs, "Now that's not fair, Joan has a point about Annie."

McQuaid lets out a deep sigh, downs his scotch and slams the glass on the table. "What you too? I thought you were her friend, her best friend!"

Auggie was surprised to hear Ryan refer to him as Annie's best friend, it hadn't felt like that in recent times, but it was nice to know that Ryan got that from Annie. Only she sure wasn't treating him like her best friend, she not only left McQuaid without a farewell, she did it to him too and not the first time. He had weathered it once before so he took it better the second time around. McQuaid on the other hand. . .

"McQuaid, I hate to give up, you know that man, but it's been almost two weeks. It's time to accept that Annie doesn't want to be found. I've been there, I know what you're going through."

"I can't accept that. She needs help, I can't let her be alone out there, at least I think she's alone."

"What do you mean?" asks Auggie, Joan has insinuated that Ryan had found more information, but didn't tell him what.

Ryan moves the file over to Auggie. "I found something. You can't see it, but it's a side profile of a man. The one that likely left the boot prints at the scene and at my safehouse in Maracaibo."

"Okay, who is this man?"

"Joan confirmed that his name is Ben Mercer."

Auggie didn't see that coming, metaphorically and he certainly didn't understand why Joan would give a name to McQuaid.

"Mercer? Joan didn't tell me that part." Ryan can see the stunned look on Auggie. He knows about Mercer and Ryan was intent on getting as much as he could from Auggie.

"Mercer was. . ."

Ryan cuts him off, "Did you know she was in touch with him?"

Auggie responds as he thinks to himself, could Annie have been in touch with Ben and not tell him? Well, he had come to grips with the fact that Annie kept a lot of things from him these last couple of months. "No, if she was in contact with him, it was something she hid from me."

Auggie knew his relationship with Annie was strained, she started keeping secrets from him after Henry, Teo, and Helen, after going dark. The tables had turned in their relationship, he always thought he was the one with the secrets and he felt so guilty about lying to her. Oh well, he did the same to her, why should he be angry at her for keeping things from him?

Ryan sees Auggie's wheels turning. "What are you thinking?"

"Annie never used to keep things from me man. But when she came back from being off the grid for four months, she was distant."

"She didn't want the agency to know about her heart condition."

"It's not just that. There was more to it. She never answered me when I asked for details about those four months. Now that you mention Mercer, it makes me wonder…"

"You think she hooked up with him during that time?"

"Honestly, anything is possible. As far as I know she had no contact with him prior to going dark. Eyal and Calder helped her with that no one else, but four months is a long time to be alone. She came back different."

Ryan hung on to the words Auggie just spoke. She "came back" once before, so he had to continue to hope and believe that she would "come back" again. The Annie who "came back" from the dead was the only one Ryan knew, so he was curious to hear what Auggie meant when he said "She came back different."

"What do you mean she came back different?"

Auggie takes a minute to think about it, he hadn't processed his thoughts about Annie much. He had to admit he usually didn't talk much about his feelings.

"When Annie resurfaced, she was all business, she wanted to do her job free from emotional attachments. But emotions were what made Annie a great operative before she left."

"You're saying she wasn't a great operative when she returned? Because from my vantage point she was, I mean she is, one of a kind. In all my years working with the agency, I have never worked with anyone who impressed me as much as Annie."

Auggie lets out a deep breath. "Look, I'm not saying she wasn't still kick-ass at her job, but she held everything and everyone at arm's length. She was always a glass half full gal, but something flipped. She had this aura before, to me she was light, laughter, and joy, but she became cold, driven to get results, but at the expense of people who cared about her. One could say the job took a toll on her, I think she lost a lot of herself."

As he listens to Auggie, Ryan remembers vividly the day he met Annie. She was all business and direct. He liked her right away. It was a welcomed challenge to break down her walls, but he always saw her as a glass half full sort when Auggie thought she had lost it. The light, laughter, and joy Auggie thought she had lost, Ryan had found, but he knew what the man meant. She was dark, lonely, distrustful and jaded, but he fell for her just the same.

"Okay, tell me about Annie and this Ben Mercer."

"Ah, are you sure you want to do this?"

Ryan takes another sip of his drink fighting the desire to down the whole thing.

"Yeah, lay it on me."

Auggie tells McQuaid everything he knows about Annie's love affair with Ben and how he broke her heart more than once. When he was done sharing what he knew, Ryan's reaction was classic. The CIA wasn't ever his favorite agency to work with and now he had more reason to distrust the agency.

"So you're telling me the CIA actively recruited Annie to bait Ben into coming in from the cold? Your fucking agency is nuts you know? You stand by manipulating people?"

"Look, Annie was an adult, she could have left when she learned about Ben's connection with the CIA and Joan and Arthur's motivations, but it turned out she was damn good at being a field operative and she fell in love with the job. Soon, Ben was just a side-note, she always had it in her, Ben was just the catalyst."

"You know one thing she said to me was how the consequences of her actions as an operative would always follow her, she realized how much she sacrificed for this job when Kravec came after her and caused her to miscarry. She blames herself, but it's all really my fault," says Ryan as he downs the rest of his drink.

Auggie feels sorry for McQuaid, "Kravec is the only bad guy in this scenario."

"And what about Mercer, is he a good guy?"

Auggie didn't want to say that Ben and Ryan were a lot alike, they were probably more Annie's type than Auggie.

"Ben's not a bad guy, but I'd say he colors outside the lines. He took out a lot of shady characters the agency wanted to work with. He's probably someone you would want to recruit. Maybe he just helped her get away from the transport van, maybe they're together, maybe he helped set her up somewhere far away, who knows. The point is it's time to face the facts."

"I can't, I replay everything, those moments at the beach house, the things she said at the hospital. I should have listened to her. We should have fled the beach house as soon as you told us Kravec was in town. Or I should have gone into the panic room with her. Or I should have killed Kravec in Paris."

"Don't do this, it's not going to lead you to a good place. Take it from me, get up tomorrow, go to work, get back to normal. It gets easier."

"You know what, if she just wanted to leave the CIA, D.C., life as a spy, I would have left with her." He downs his scotch.

Auggie sighs. Ryan continues, "Maybe she just didn't want to be with me, maybe she hates me for letting Kravec get her, it's a hell of a way to break up with someone."

Ryan orders a bourbon, Auggie waves off the waiter.

"Look I have experienced this, I looked for her after she went off the grid and I didn't have any luck, she emerged when she was ready and I trust that she'll do the same. The best thing to do is live your life."

"When she came back, you two were done right?"

"That's how our story ended, yeah. We were still friends in the end above all."

Ryan is thinking about what Auggie is saying as strange as it was to talk to Annie's last boyfriend.

Auggie goes on, "Don't worry about her, Annie's built for a life in the wind, she proved that when she last went dark, knowing her, she'll be fine and if she's with Ben, I know he'll keep her safe."

It made Ryan angry and jealous to think someone else was keeping Annie safe. He should have been the one to do that.

"Well, I don't want be just friends with her, and I don't believe she'll be fine, she was a mess Auggie," says Ryan sadly.

Ryan thinks about when he last saw Annie, she was so fragile. He wanted to cheer her up with their puppy, but didn't get a chance to. Thinking of the puppy reminded Ryan that he was due to pick her up soon and he wasn't ready for a dog with all he had going on, but it was Annie's dog. He had to go get a kennel, food, and other supplies.

Ryan downs his shot of bourbon. "Shit, what day is it?" Ryan looks at his phone. He was supposed to pick up the dog from the breeder the next day. Ruby would be ready to come home tomorrow. Ryan had to stop drinking and get a good night's sleep so he could get his dog.

The men shake hands and part ways.

Auggie hails a cab back to the DPD. He thinks about what he just attempted. He tried to lead the smuck down a path that brought him to the realization that he didn't really mean all that much to Annie Walker. Auggie knew it wasn't true. He knew Annie and he knew she loved McQuaid. She confided in him that she saw herself happily married to him. He felt like a jerk, but if he understood his orders right, he had to get Ryan to stop digging and Auggie always followed orders, like it or not.

Ryan heads to his empty home, he didn't drink as much as he had the previous nights. He wanted to be sober while he thought about everything he had learned from Auggie about Ben Mercer. And he had to be up early to procure supplies and pick up Ruby the next day.


	48. Chapter 48 : Ryan and Ruby

Note: Nearing end of Part 2, about two more chapters left to go. Sorry if progress is slow, trying to show RM's mindset.

Ryan is up and out early to make the drive to the breeder's property in Loudoun County. It was a drive he had made with Annie the day they picked Ruby out and now he was alone again for the ride out. Was she alone now too or was she with Ben Mercer? In her hour of desperation did she call in a favor from a fellow spy who managed to live undetected or was there more to it given their history? Did she seek him because he was a source of comfort that Ryan couldn't provide or did she impulsively want to escape the pain of what happened at Kravec's hands? Was Ryan just a reminder of that pain and loss? Annie Walker had a string of short-lived yet passionate relationships, she fell hard, was he just one of them? Was she incapable of sticking around and doing the hard work it takes to make a relationship work? Was it really time for him to face facts as Joan and Auggie and even Jim was urging him to?

Ryan's sober head was full of questions. He needed answers.

Wherever Ben Mercer he was he evaded facial recognition software. McQuaid found no evidence that he entered the country or exited the U.S. within the last two weeks and the same went for Annie. He had little left to go on.

None of the pet shops are open so early in the morning so he heads straight to pick up Ruby and decides to get his supplies on the way back. He was looking forward to seeing the spunky puppy that the breeder described as curious and independent. The breeder scolded him for not coming prepared with a kennel for the car ride home. She had an extra that she sent him home with and provided all the pup's papers with her excellent pedigree. She talked to Ryan about the pup's care and vaccine schedule and gave him a list of reputable trainers in the D.C. area. He wished Annie were there, he knew how excited she would be to welcome the puppy home and to train the pup, it was a childhood dream come true for her. Wherever you are Annie thought Ryan, I've got Ruby and we'll be waiting for you.

Ryan left the breeders to head back to D.C. when he received a phone call. It was his closest neighbor at the beach house and a former Navy man.

"Good morning Admiral Smythe."

"Captain McQuaid, morning to you too. Care to walk over for breakfast casserole with your Annie? Fresh out of the oven, if you don't come over, I'll be eating it for days. The Mrs. insists."

Ryan had introduced Annie to the Smythes while they vacationed at the beach house. The retired couple spent most weekends at the beach, their escape from the hustle and bustle of life in D.C. The Admiral still consulted for the Pentagon from time to time and his wife was active with several charities serving women and children. She had a soft spot for military families. Often their house was filled with their children and grandkids. Ryan and Annie were invited over for dinner one night and had a great time with the older couple. Annie joked when they walked home after dinner that they might be like the Smythes in thirty years, lovey dovey senior citizens bragging about grandkids and making acquaintances flip through photobooks detailing their accomplishments. Her comment made him smile that night, not a bad future if he got to spend weekends with Annie and their grandkids at the beach. The Annie he had come to know, just didn't compute with the Annie who abandoned him and her life.

"Uh, Mr. Smythe, thanks for the invitation, but I'm in D.C."

"Oh, we saw that you had a tree planted out front when we drove by yesterday, we thought you and Annie were back for some more R & R since a light was on at your place."

Ryan's heart accelerates, this is his first solid Annie lead since she left. He had to admit everything else was slim like Jim reminded him. All these days, could she have been right under his nose? His wheels start to turn, they did talk about planting a tree at a clearing at the front of his house. She was clearing the area the day Kravec took her.

"Did you see Annie?" asks Ryan excitedly and full of surprise.

"No, we haven't seen her, just noticed the tree popped up yesterday."

"Thanks Admiral for the invitation. I'll take a rain-check."

Ryan looks at his watch, it's nearly 0900. It will take him another couple of hours to drive to his beach house from his current location. He thinks about alerting the local police, but doesn't want to spook her if she's still there. He hasn't gotten the security hooked back up at the house since what happened, so he can't patch into it to see if anyone has gained entry. Ryan can't contain his excitement. He hopes Annie is still there, but there's dread too, Smythe said he noticed the tree yesterday. Who knows how long it had been there or how long ago Annie planted it.

Ryan arrives at his beach house for the first time since Kravec invaded his home. It was the longest drive of his life. Someone had definitely there. Ruby's whimpers as he parked inside the garage were audible. She didn't want to be stuck in the kennel at the back of his Mercedes SUV. He ignored her as he got out of his car. The security keypad outside his garage had been disabled. It wasn't necessary since he hadn't had it hooked up, something he would come to regret. He drives into the garage after manually opening the door. No longer able to ignore her cries, he frees Ruby from the kennel. She follows him around just like a puppy does when it has left it's own.

McQuaid walks through the house with precision noting any changes since his last time there. It took a bit of thought to remember details from that day and his house still needed some repairs from the action it saw that day. God, why hadn't he fixed the security camera at least? Annie's toiletries and small jewelry pouch was gone from the bathroom, most of her clothes were still there though. He remembers the stuffed dog he gave her when she was recovering from heart surgery. Since the time Annie moved in with him, it was always on top of the covers after she made the bed. It was also gone and in the stuffed dog's place he found an envelope labeled simply, "RPM" and another labeled "Auggie."

Unable to move, he starred at the bed and the room, remembering lying in bed with her and making love to her. Her scent still lingered in the air. Ruby's bouncing around exploring and sniffing everything in sight. He goes to the bed and picks up the envelope and carefully opens it after running his fingers across the front and his initials.

_Dear Ryan,_

_I'm not sure when you will return here to the spot where everything changed in an instant. I wish I could relive that day and do things differently. If I don't leave, I know one day I'll regret dragging you down into hell with me. I can't live with that. You deserve better, much better. I know you must be angry. I'm counting on that anger Ryan to help you move on. Stop looking for me, I don't want to be found. If you truly love me, please, let me go._

_You have so much to offer. In our short time together, you gave me more than you know. Thank you for being the hero I didn't think I needed. Mostly you gave me our son, I won't forget him or the hope he gave me in the short time I carried part of you inside me. I'll always have that. I planted that tree we talked about putting in the front of the house. Remember you wanted to build a tree house for your kids like the one you had as a kid? When you see it, I hope you are reminded that you will be a wonderful father one day._

_Do me a favor, don't do anything reckless, take care of yourself._

_Good-bye,_

_Annie_

Ryan goes to the front of the house with the letter, Ruby bounding after him, he kneels next to the tree, freshly planted and sits there for what seemed like hours. He rereads the letter dozens of times. Ruby is running wild around him. "At least now I know you're alive," says Ryan to the air around him. He didn't quite know how to feel, on one hand, he was utterly disappointed and angry at her behavior as she predicted. An on the other hand he was worried that her frame of mind thought leaving was for the best. She went back in her shell and believed she was doing what was best for him. Was she right? Nothing had been easy since he met her. Was their end a foregone conclusion like she described her relationship with Auggie?

No, he wouldn't let it be the end, he knew her, he knew why she left, she ran to escape the pain and guilt of losing the baby, she ran because in some twisted way she thought she was protecting him from her.

"Where are you now Annie Walker?" asked McQuaid out loud as he saw Ruby dart into the road after a squirrel. He ran after her, if he could not save Annie, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let anything happen to that dog. Ruby was all Ryan had and vice versa.


	49. Chapter 49: Ben & Annie on the Road

**Chapter 49 Ben and Annie Leaving**

Note: Back to wee morning hours of Day 10, after Chapter 45. Here's a recap:

Annie and Ben leave the McCauleys after their goodbyes, all of Annie's possessions are in a small roller suitcase and carry-on bag. No need to check anything in, waiting around at any baggage claim was trouble for a spy. Ben heads north toward the border, but Annie directs him in the opposite direction.

"Um, that's going towards trouble."

"I have one last thing I need to do."

Ben looked over at Annie like she was crazy.

Annie turns to meet his gaze, "I can drop you off and we can say good-bye."

He couldn't resist her.

Shaking his head, he turned the car around and headed south.

"Where are we going?"

She doesn't answer Ben right away. Her thoughts are elsewhere. He was right. She's taking a huge risk, but she feels compelled. Her gut told her that Ryan wouldn't ever think to look for her at his beach house. It was now a place that held bittersweet memories, she was so relaxed and happy the few days they spent there. Then their bliss turned into the worst kind of nightmare for Annie, one that was real. A nightmare she hoped to forget by running away.

Ben clears his throat. "I'd like to be prepared for what's coming."

"Just keep going for another bit."

Ben's frustrated with not knowing what lies ahead, but he lets Annie be in charge. He figures she's lost so much control recently that she needs to gain some of it back. He doesn't mind the silence or the drive, so he keeps his eyes on the road and trusts that she knows what she's doing.

When Ben returned from retrieving the contents of Teo's safe in Venezuela, he relayed Joan's concerns over McQuaid to Annie causing her to want to get on the road as soon as possible. Ryan was still pursuing all leads and wasn't going to give up his search for her. Annie wasn't surprised and knew that McQuaid probably wouldn't give up soon. She needed to do something to stop him from looking and she desperately wanted some closure and peace for herself. She wanted to say a final good-bye to her life, the life with Ryan she had embraced, and most importantly she wanted to have her own memorial for the baby she lost.

Annie's analytical and rational side tried to talk herself out of feeling grief at the loss of a being she didn't even know, she tried to convince herself that her baby wasn't really a life yet, and she told herself that being so devastated over the loss of a 13 week old fetus was irrational. It was useless, she couldn't help her feelings of guilt and loss. Her feelings for McQuaid had grown stronger and stronger after her mitral valve surgery and as those feelings grew so did her love for the child they made. When she thought the worst that could happen to her was over, another avalanche came her way, one she couldn't stop. Annie wanted to say farewell to her life as Annie Walker and honor the son who was never to be, so she was drawn back to Ryan's beach house along the Virginia coast. She hoped that she could get a message across to Ryan.

Annie finally gives Ben some directions. "Head towards the coast, there's bound to be a nursery along the 17."

"A nursery?" questions Ben, confused.

"I'm in the market for a tree."

Ben's not sure what Annie has planned, but he follows her orders. He could have parted ways with her, had her drop him off, but he was worried about her physically and emotionally, so it wasn't a huge sacrifice for him to remain with her while she did what she had to do.

"You plan on leaving the country with a tree? I'm pretty sure there are customs rules against that, not to mention how conspicuous you would be, the paperwork involved would leave a trail and . . . " says Ben.

Annie's not at all amused by Ben's remarks. She's kept him in a box since their reunion. She had gotten over him long ago when she realized that their relationship was based on nothing but lies and deception. They had no foundation. He had the audacity to reinsert himself into her life two years after leaving her and then he ditched her again with no explanation. She was left with nothing but a bag of Five Guys' burgers and a cryptic response from Joan when she questioned her about it. When he resurfaced again on that mission in Mexico, she was done. The magnetic pull towards him had severed.

"The tree's in memory of the baby I miscarried, and no I don't intend on smuggling it out of the country, I'm going to plant it at McQuaid's beach house."

Now that Ben knew where they were headed, he was ready to rattle off a dozen reasons why it tactically a terrible idea. But he sensed that Annie was determined and he always loved a challenge himself, so he continued driving.

Annie was surprised that Ben had no witty come back and even more surprised that he wasn't talking her out of her plan.

"You looked forward to settling down with McQuaid and having the baby didn't you?" asks Ben.

Ben sees a single tear falls down her cheek.

"It's okay, you don't have to answer that."

Ben had harbored hope that he could keep in touch with Annie and maybe rekindle their relationship once she recovered, but the longer he spent with Annie the more he realized that he lost his chance long ago. She was clearly in love with Ryan McQuaid.

Ben followed Annie's directions and stopped at a nursery along Route 17. Before going in Annie put Ben's baseball cap on and donned a pair of sunglasses. She asked Ben to stay in the car. Annie walked through the Native Trees section of the nursery. None of the sales people bothered her and from the looks of it the place didn't have a security system beyond a high fence and lazy dog at the cash register. Annie settled on a Red Maples sapling and struggled as she loaded it onto a hard cart. She paid cash for it and declined help to her car. Ben got out of the car to help her and noticed that Annie was grimacing. The tree was heavier than Annie could handle. She ditched her sling before she went into the store, but probably still needed it.

Annie gave Ben directions to Ryan's beach house. He still thinks she's crazy to want to go back, but she says she's sure Ryan wouldn't go back there. It's too remote and far from resources he would need if he were indeed still looking for her. Ben asks her what kind of security system he had and she tells him everything she can remember. Her gut was still in tact and it told her that Ryan wouldn't have had time to fix his security system. She also knew that he had few neighbors and that his closest neighbors only visited over the weekend.

When Ben was sure no one was at the beach house, he drove up to the garage and checked the alarms. They were already disabled. He drove into the garage.

Annie tries to lift the tree that is sticking out of the trunk. Ben tosses Annie the sling. "Come on Annie, put the sling back on and let me help you." He hauls the sapling out of the car. "Where do you want it?"

Annie looks at Ben. She wanted to do this herself, but she realized back at the nursery that she didn't think it through. She needed the help. She turns and says, "Thanks, follow me."

Annie leads him to a clearing in the front yard of the house. She stood there with Ryan about two weeks before discussing what they could do with the large front lot and they thought planting a tree for shade and eventually building a treehouse around it would be a fun idea. Ryan said, "When the kids get tired of playing in the ocean and sand, they could take a break on the grass out front and hide out in their tree fort." She remembered responding, "Kids? We haven't even met this one yet and you're already thinking about more?" He looked at her with his signature "sure of himself" smile and she remembered thinking that she loved that about him, how sure of himself he was. He was cocky with a boyish charm that she had resisted for a time. Now she was hoping to get him to put aside his pursuit of her, to not be the man she fell in love with. . .

"Is this the spot?" asks Ben startling her from her thoughts. Annie had a shovel in her hand and tries to break the earth with it. She uses her foot to dig the shovel in and manages to loosen the topsoil.

Annie is still hurting physically and emotionally, she can't handle the shovel even with the thawing earth. Ben watches her struggle through tears and after a few minutes, he gently takes the shovel from her and digs the hole. He wanted to be efficient as time was ticking and the quicker they left for the border the better. He also knew he was too late to save her from emotional pain, so the least he could do was save her from more physical pain digging a hole would bring.

When Ben was done digging, Annie unwrapped the burlap keeping the roots together and lowers the sapling into the ground with difficulty, but she wanted to at least do this part herself. She fills in the earth and whispers a prayer for her son. She buries herself too. Annie Walker is going into the ground along with her baby. Only this time, Annie doesn't intend on returning from the dead.

Ben helped her gather stones to form a circle around the base of the young tree. He also hammered in stakes on the sides to anchor the tree and hauled a bucket of water over for Annie. When they were done, Ben stepped inside McQuaid's home to give Annie some space. He watched for a few moments as Annie sat weeping by the tree. Then he went through the house trying to get a sense of this man who had captured Annie's heart.

Ben knew a little about the former Navy SEAL. When he went off on his own, he looked into the various private contractors out there and had come across McQuaid Securities. Ben was impressed by McQuaid Securities, but in the end he decided to remain a freelancer as he liked to refer to himself. But it turned out that he only ever "freelanced" for Arthur and Joan, so maybe he was just another cog at the agency after all. He did believe he was doing valuable work for the country. Both Arthur and then Joan promised him that none of his operations would have a gray zone, they were be clear cut and he wouldn't have to make compromises. The only compromises he made were those that involved his personal life.

Ben noted that everything in the home was top of the line from the faucets to the appliances to the electronic equipment and furnishings. He saw an impressive collection of high-end liquor and bottles of fine wine. He saw that McQuaid preferred a minimalist, yet earthy style, but not many personal items like photos were at the home. That was definitely the sign of a man who was careful and private. They lost a few hours by taking this detour and hadn't eaten, so Ben went to the pantry and grabbed some snack foods for the road. The less they stopped the safer they would be and the more time they could make up. Convenience stores and gas stations were always wired with cameras.

Annie stepped inside and the memories of her last day there came flooding back. She hears and smells the gunfire and stops dead in her tracks as she tries to let the happy times win that battle in her mind. She doesn't want thoughts of Kravec to enter her psyche, but they come anyway. Kravec's words echo in her head.

"Miss Walker, you will show yourself if you want you boyfriend to live."

There are still small specs of dried blood by the oven where Kravec shot Ryan. She walks over into the kitchen as Ben comes out of the pantry with a bag he loaded with food. His question knocks Kravec from her thoughts and she's grateful. "You don't think McQuaid will miss this fifty year old scotch do you?"

"We're not here to pilfer the place Ben," says Annie matter of factly.

"Just picking up some supplies, the food will come in handy, we have a lot of ground to cover. We need to hurry. Do you want any of the stuff in the Sub-Zero?"

Ben has a point and it would go to waste anyway. Annie walks over and opens the fridge. She immediately sees the organic ginger ale Ryan picked up to help with her morning sickness and her stomach drops. As Ben reminded her, there's no time, she needs to move fast, so she scans the fridge, grabs some of the Greek Yogurt, cold pressed juices, and sliced cheese. Then hands it all to Ben. She leaves the ginger-ale behind, she didn't need it anymore.

"Are you sure you want to leave all this behind Annie? McQuaid has good taste judging by his collection of scotch and wines over there. From what I hear, he's very well connected and loaded. You can leave the agency and live in a fortress."

"I wasn't with him for his money or connections. And this place was a fortress, it didn't protect me or him from a psychopath."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant he has resources to keep you safe. Why don't you use them, it's obvious you love him. I don't get why you want to disappear."

Annie ignored Ben's query. "Give me five minutes. I'll meet you in the car." Annie picked up her carry on bag and walked to the living room. She ran her hand along the couch and the blanket they sat under while they read or watched the news. She takes in the view of the beach from where she stood. The shattered glass of the oven door and broken dishes were cleaned up, but it looked like some major repairs were in order. Guess Ryan had other things to deal with.

Annie walked down the hall to the Master Bedroom and closed her eyes as she tried to imagine the happy times she shared with Ryan. She saw the bed she made the last morning she woke up there. It was just as she left it. Making the bed was a habit that she and Ryan shared. Her stuffed German Shepherd was sitting in the middle of the bed propped up against the pillows. She lay down on Ryan's side of the bed for a moment and hugged the dog tightly to say good-bye. She wondered if Ryan picked up Ruby or if in his search for her he opted to give up the dog. It was really her childhood wish and he humored her by going along with it. She decided he probably didn't have time to devote to a puppy, the only way they could own a dog was if one of them was around to care for it. Ryan traveled and worked far too much to keep a dog.

Annie had some room left in her carry on, so she took her journal and jewelry pouch from the nightstand and then grabs her make-up and toiletry bag. She hadn't worn any make-up the last few weeks, but now she needed it to conceal the fading bruises and scars on her face. She looked at her watch, her time was running out, but she impulsively went into Ryan's closet. Annie brought one of his dress shirts to her nose and took in its scent as she looked at the neatly folded undershirts and t-shirts. His NAVY sweatshirt caught her eye, she knew she shouldn't, but she grabbed it and stuffed it into her bag. She went to her closet and took a scarf and her PRADA bag.

Annie took out two envelopes from the inside pocket of her anorak and placed them in front of the stuffed dog. One was labeled, "RPM," Ryan's initials, and the other "Auggie." She turned and headed out of the bedroom, but stopped at the threshold. She closed her eyes and headed back to the bed and starred at the letters propped up by the stuffed dog. Then she picked up the dog causing the letters to fall back onto the pillow. Leaving her possessions and her life behind was more painful than she had imagined, but she reminded herself that everything that happened at the beach house and even the last couple of years were a result of her choices. The only way to stop more harm from coming her way and Ryan's way, was for her to get away as far away as she could. Still, she wanted to keep a little bit of Annie Walker with her. She couldn't completely bury herself so she took the dog with her.

When Ben is nearing D.C. he looks over to Annie who had been crying on and off since they left Virginia Beach. "Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off at McQuaid's? You know you never answered my question, why do you want to disappear?"

"Keep driving," says Annie as she stares out the window at the city that she loved. No matter how many times she saw the various monuments or drove by the White House, seeing them always filled her with a love and appreciation for her country. After she joined the CIA walking along the mall and seeing the flags surrounding the Washington Monument had new meaning. She couldn't bear to watch as they drove past, so she closed her eyes all the while holding the stuffed German Shepard.

Eventually Annie falls asleep. The Prius can drive for miles and miles and Ben is really appreciating it. He was able to plug it in at McQuaid's and he also found a five gallon jug of gas in the garage while he was waiting for Annie, so they had yet to stop for gas. Ben just keeps driving through Delaware, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, before he has to stop for gas in New York. "Nearly six hundred miles, not bad. I think I'll get a Prius one day."

Annie retorts with a smile, "I can't see you driving a Prius."

He likes that she smiled. They're in Manhattan at rush hour. Ben knows the city and pulls into a small gas station where he fills the tank while watching his surroundings. He had Annie duck in the back before he pulled up. They needed a laptop and cell phones so he heads into the heart of the city to procure them from a street vendor. Then he drives north to a Washington Heights studio. It's one of Ben's safe houses.

"What are we doing?" asks Annie as Ben opens her door for her. He's already gotten their bags from the trunk.

"It's safe here, don't worry. No one knows this place. Not even Joan and you're my cousin from the West Coast if anyone asks, but no one will. My name is Nate and let's just say you're . . . "

"There's no time, let's keep driving north."

"I've been driving since we left Virginia, as much as I like to be behind the wheel, it's been more than 15 hours of driving all told and I need to take care of a few things. So who are you?"

"Katie Porter," sighs Annie as she gets out of the car. Ben hands her his cap as he puts his hoodie on.

"The super keeps to himself because I pay him extra to let me know if anyone snoops around."

"I offered to take over driving."

Annie follows Ben up a narrow flight of stairs and into his safehouse.

"You still don't have full range of motion, there's no way you can safely drive for hours."

"I'm a great driver."

"I don't doubt that. We'll leave by 5 a.m. so we miss the morning rush, I promise. I just have to take care of a few things."

Ben goes to the small fridge and takes out two Coronas. Annie shakes her head. He shrugs and heads to the couch where he plops down. Annie starts to look around. It's a tiny studio with a bistro set in the kitchen, a small couch and coffee table, and an alcove that fit a full sized bed and nightstands on each side. After finishing half his beer, Ben gets to work on the computer. He has a protocol to follow to get details for his next assignment and there's still the matter of building Annie's cover.

Annie looks at the one bed. Ben looks up from setting up the computer to say, "You can take the bed."

"I'll cut and color my hair here, probably better to leave a mess here than a motel room."

"I need to head out for about an hour or two tops, so I'll pick up the dye. There's some canned soup and ramen in the cabinet, need anything else?"

"Where are you going?" asks Annie a bit panicked. She still needed him to get out of the country.

"I need to ship something to my next destination and I need to pick up my new assignment deets. You can work on studying this while I'm out." She walks over to the couch as he turns the computer towards her. It's a profile and information on Katie Porter. "We'll take some pictures and establish a minimal web presence after your new look."

Ben leaves his safehouse, Annie locks the door behind him. She snoops around. There's not much to see on the surface. It's pretty sparse, a bachelor pad. Annie preps some minestrone and while it heats she taps into what she learned at the Farm. She finds a stash of cash behind the fridge and a safe hidden behind a Magritte print. In a lower kitchen cabinet, she also finds a loaded handgun tucked in place. Behind another print of the NYC skyline, she noticed a small bulge, felt like a passport. On the shelf of travel books, Annie finds Ben's shell bracelet inside a dummy book on Sri Lanka along with a photo of her. Seeing it makes her uncomfortable. How long had it been hidden there and had he looked at it recently? It seemed like he was working a dark cover for years. She didn't think Ben still loved her, how could he when he kept leaving. But it occurred to her that she still loved Ryan and yet she was leaving him much the same way Ben had left her. Now she finally got what Ben meant when he wrote her that cryptic note all those years ago.

The smell and sound of the soup boiling gets Annie's attention. She eats right out of the pot while learning about Katie Porter, her new identity. After she's memorized all she could, she logs onto a board she had used with Eyal. She sees the message he had just written earlier that day and feels mixed emotions.

_In search of lost blond petite pup, scars from heart surgery. Answers to Neshema._

Annie considers responding, but she realizes that's just opening a can of worms. It would be so easy for McQuaid to trace anything and he would be stupid not to have eyes on one of her most trusted friends. Annie had called upon Eyal too many times before and he had come through for her, this time she only had Ben Mercer and she wasn't sure how she felt about having him as her only resource.

Annie goes to work before Ben returns home. She researches NGOs she could work for with her language skills. During the days when she considered leaving the CIA after Turkey (goes back to the early chapters) she wanted to use her God given talents to make a difference without using guns or violence. It had occurred to her then that she didn't have to stay with the CIA, she could atone for the dark and difficult calls she had made, the lives she had taken, by helping those who were disenfranchised and oppressed. She was drawn to the plight of refugees and especially the plight of women and children in areas afflicted by famine, disease, and conflict. She was tapping into her younger idealistic self, the one who loved to travel and engage in service around the world. There was a time when she wanted to change the world through humanitarian efforts, but she took a different path and joined the CIA. She went off course and now was her chance to right the ship.

Annie's new cover as Katie Porter would do nicely since the real Katie Porter studied the impact of clean water and health education on maternal health and infant mortality in addition to numerous languages. Annie got to work reading up on the latest studies regarding clean water and infant mortality. She read about organizations that built wells and those that focused on health education for women and children. She set up her new phone and bookmarked dozens of articles to read. Next she had to plan her next stop, Switzerland. She opted to enter France via Lyon and cross the Swiss border into Basel. She had to get to Teo's second safe deposit box, it contained the rest of the funds Annie needed to start over. Annie studied the maps and possible border crossings. She had to figure out a way into the bank in Switzerland as Teo's widow, she had the papers with his death certificate that Joan provided to Ben. It should be a piece of cake acting like a widow in mourning. Annie entered some information in her phone on hostels and the offices of the Red Cross. Ben should be back soon so Annie erased the history on the laptop before lying down.

Ben had taken longer than expected meeting his contact, he wasn't back yet, but Annie wasn't worried since she had fallen asleep after taking some ibuprofen. It had been a long day and her sore body was telling her she had overdone it. While Annie was left to eat and research her new cover, Ben grabbed his Arab garb from his storage closet in the basement of the apartment building and changed. He headed via subway to evening prayers at a mosque in the Bronx. Annie wasn't aware, but Ben had synced his phone with the laptop he left back at the apartment with Annie so he could view her search history. He let out a small smile as he waited for the subway with his package. He knew where to mail it now. When he was done mailing the package, Ben met his contact and was given the information he needed to vouch for himself once he arrived in Pakistan.

Ben headed back to his apartment via bus after he stuffed his Arab head coverings and clothing in his backpack. He headed to a Walgreens and picked up Annie's hair dye and some toothpaste and other supplies he needed for his trip. He was quiet when he entered the apartment in case Annie had fallen asleep.

Annie felt someone touching her shoulder, startled she turned around and grabbed the gun she found. She pointed it at the darkened figure who touched her. Ben fell back into the small space with his hands up, the plastic Walgreens bag in one of them. Annie's heart was pounding and her hands shaking. Ben narrows his eyes and reaches towards the barrel to lower it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, but I told you it's safe here. So you snooped around and found my gun huh?" He remained cool though he was scared out of his wits.

Annie's still in daze, she could have shot him. "Hey, are you okay?" Ben asks reaching out to touch her hand, Annie takes deep breaths before she yanks the bag from Ben's and says, "Do I look okay?" Annie heads into the bathroom where she throws up. Ben hears her and knocks, but she ignores him. What was going on, they both think. Annie eventually calms her nerves, she had handled many a situation where she had been scared and had to draw her weapon, but when she first felt that touch on her shoulder, she bristled and though she wanted to deny it, she could swear it was Kravec touching her. She could have easily shot and killed Ben.

The pair of scissors felt cold in her hand, she held them close to her neck as she looked in the bathroom mirror, was all this planning and time spent studying a new cover worth it? If she plunged the sharp blade into her carotid, it would leave Ben with a mess on his hands. She could leave and jump off the George Washington Bridge, that would be efficient and clean. Or she could get in the tub with the gun and fire a shot through her temple. Wild thoughts filled her head, she closed her eyes and prayed the thoughts to stop. Ben pours himself some scotch and downs it. He pours another shot, then knocks on the door again bringing Annie to the present. "Let me help you with your hair."

She walks over and unlocks the door. He hands her the scotch. She hadn't had a drink in a long time, but she takes it with her shaky hands and downs it. He watches her with concern. "Thanks, guess it's hard to cut evenly with my arm in a sling." He thinks, you're shaking too, that won't help, but he doesn't mention it.

Ben grabs his bistro chair and some old newspapers. He lays them down below the chair. "Have a seat," he says softly. "I'll wash your hair first, is it comfortable to lean back into the sink?" Annie protests, "Really, it's okay, just cut it." The sink was high so Ben grabbed a pillow from his couch and had Annie sit on it. "Wet hair is much easier to cut and style," he says with a smile.

He turns on the water and adjusts it to a warm temperature. He wets her hair noting the scar along her hairline as she shampooed her and massaged her scalp. She kept her eyes on him for a few seconds before closing them. She hadn't had a good shampoo in nearly two weeks due to her injuries, so she let him help her. It did feel so good, she knew it was Ben, so she felt safe though slightly distrustful. He looks at her face as he works to wash her beautiful blond hair, her brows furrowed and eyes closed. She looks calmer than ten minutes ago, but still so very troubled. He wanted so badly to kiss her and tell her that everything would be okay. But he knew that would be a lie. Annie was a mess and she would be far from okay. He simply said, "So what look do you want?" as he gently lifted her head up and squeezed her hair out.

Annie opened her eyes and said, "I don't care. Let's just get it done."

Ben worked quickly and gave Annie an angled bob, he did the best he could to cut evenly and it turned out his steady sniper skills translated into using a pair of sharp scissors. Next he opened the hair dye and went to work coloring Annie's hair. Light Ash Brown, he thought going too dark would make Annie look unnatural. It was a good color for her. When he was done and Annie looked at herself in the mirror, she was even impressed. He took her pictures for her cover, passport and IDs.

"Can I do the same for you?" asks Annie as Ben cleans up the hair and gathers everything in to a trash bag.

"Nah, where I'm going, the clean cut look isn't valued. We can get a few hours sleep before we head out."

"You can have the bed, I'll use the couch since I already caught some ZZZs," says Annie.

"We're both adults, let's just be comfortable okay, we have another long stretch ahead of us. I promise I won't touch you," says Ben putting his hands up. It was a hard promise to make when he just wanted to hold her, but the bed looked much more comfortable than his couch and he hadn't had much sleep.

Annie nods. They both turn in. It takes Ben a long time to fall asleep and he hears Annie mumbling words like, "stop, please stop," and "my baby, check my baby." He feels terrible for her.

Ben got disparate pieces of information from Joan and Chris, but had not asked Annie directly about what she endured. He only saw the aftermath when he helped get her from the ambulance to Chris's cabin. The first time he saw her in the woods she was nearly unrecognizable to him. Her face was full of bruises and cuts. She felt so light when he carried her down into the bunker. When Theresa removed the hospital gown she was wearing it revealed a body full of stitches, bruises, lacerations and burn marks. All tell tale signs of torture. Ben had been roughed up over the years, but he had never been in enemy hands in the same way it appeared Annie had been. He never endured any form torture. He didn't have to ask to know what it did to Annie, he heard her having nightmares and today he saw how much she lost and how it was going to affect her in the days and weeks to come.

Annie woke up and let Ben sleep longer. She felt better and her head lighter. Maybe she was just emotional for being at Ryan's beach house or overtired. She wasn't sure what last night was about. She quietly dressed in her street clothes and wiped down the apartment. She made some coffee and packed up her bags and left them by the door. The smell of coffee woke Ben up. He smiled at Annie and said, "See, I was a perfect gentleman wasn't I?"

"Hurry up, we need to go."

He took a hot shower and filled his bag with some clothes and his toiletries. Annie made the bed. He opened his safe to gather his papers and cash cards and put his gun back in the cabinet where Annie found it. Annie saw him put Arab garments into his bag. She wondered what his next assignment would be. They both downed the coffee and some cereal bars before doing one last wipe down of the place. Then headed back into the Prius parked a few blocks away, it was still dark out. Ben left NY taking smaller roads north and avoiding tolls. They watched the sun rise as they rode out of the state, it was a brand new day.


	50. Chapter 50: Rock Bottom

**New Chapter 50**

Note: Ryan is going to come around and accept facts soon, I just wanted to show his desperation and his stubborn pursuit of Annie. I don't think a man like him gives up and I don't think he ever really will give up on Annie because he really did fall for her, what happened represents so much loss for him, she was his second chance at love and a family. Grief, regret, and loss are terrible emotions and cause spiraling. I wanted to show him bottoming out. Also, wanted to circle back to him and his surveillance of Annie post Paris (early chapters). He had a bad feeling about the FSB and Kravec and it turned out however, stalkerish, his hunch was right. Unfortunately, the whole Eyal fisasco was a distraction. I threw that in there to get the three men together. I find Annie's character fascinating because she is such a dynamic person that draws in these strong charming men. She's a magnet because of her confidence, sense of humor, spy skills, beauty, and overall way she carries herself. Yet she doesn't always see her own worth. Lots of themes will circle around and around. And Auggie's letter's coming in a bit.

Day 14-Post-Discovery of Letter

McQuaid ran after the dog when he realized she was running toward the road. Then he remembered a tip the breeder had given him, so he stopped chasing, shouted "Ruby! Come Here!" and waited. To his amazement, it worked, when the pup heard his voice, she stopped and happily ran towards him. Ryan scooped her up and said, "Come on girl, let's work this together." He wished it could be that easy to get Annie to return to him.

Ryan walked back to the freshly planted tree and noted the tag identified it as a Red Maple. But he found no place of purchase. Based on the day the Admiral noticed the tree, Ryan figured it was planted in the last couple of days. It wouldn't have been easy for Annie to plant a tree, drive in the stakes, and gather the stones with her injuries. Ryan makes the leap—a correct one, Annie had help. It causes him a moment of jealousy. He heads back inside and curses the fact that he did not have the security system restored. He calls his in-house security and construction crew to order the repairs, but deep down he knew she wasn't going to return, her letter indicated as much. But he still wanted to chase her, to grab hold of her and tell her that she was wrong. She was wrong about dragging him to hell. He'd already been there and climbed out of that hole with the help of those who cared for him and now it was his turn to help her climb out of her personal hell. He just wanted the chance to try to show her it was possible. But Ryan still wasn't aware of the extent of her hell.

Annie's return to the beach house puzzled Ryan, coming back was a huge risk and it indicated that she was in the vicinity, yet she risked it to plant a tree for him? Ryan heads into his panic room where he had stashed Annie just as Kravec descended upon them. He sees the books he and Annie hid inside to hide her pregnancy and immediately notices that a couple of guns are missing. He smiles knowing that Annie armed herself. It means she still had fight left in her, to him, it meant that she didn't want to die and it gave him hope.

Ryan manages to hook up the wireless connection and gets to work looking up nurseries in the area calling them one by one to find out if any of them sold a Red Maple in the last couple of days. After nearly an hour of being on hold and making calls, he learns that a lone Red Maple was purchased by a female from a nursery about 30 miles away. The place had no cameras. But the salesperson did remember the lone shopper who picked out a Red Maple. "It was very early in the morning, one of the first customers, she didn't need help and paid cash." To Ryan's utter disappointment the woman remembered nothing about the car Annie loaded the tree into. Ryan is stuck again. He rereads Annie's letter and goes to his liquor cabinet to pour himself a drink noting that his fifty year old scotch is also missing.

Next, Ryan calls Auggie to let him know the latest string of events. Auggie lifts his eyebrows, floored to hear the news, he like McQuaid figured Annie had gotten hundreds of miles away by now. At his new friend's request Auggie looks into the cameras in the area of the nursery. Before they hang up Ryan tells Auggie about the letter Annie had left for him. "You couldn't lead with that?"

"I'm still here in Virginia Beach, I'll be back in D.C. sometime tomorrow and we can meet up then."

Auggie's foot begins to tap with ferocity on the floor beneath him, he can't wait to read the letter, to have a connection with Annie, no matter the tensions between them he still had warm feelings towards her and was disappointed that she didn't say good-bye to him. She had gone to Joan instead of her best friend and it nagged at him. He tried to remember the last time she came to him for help.

Roughly two weeks go by, Annie's been gone a month.

Ryan began drinking heavily in the days after he discovers Annie's letter. He could always hold his liquor well, enjoyed a nightcap here and there and kicking back beers with his buddies, but it began to become a nightly habit to drown his sorrows. He stopped shaving after his return from Cuba, at first there just wasn't time and he was too injured to shave, but his appearance was the last thing on his mind lately.

Ryan's normally very tidy home was also a mess, always social and gregarious with his closest friends, he stopped doing the things he once enjoyed like golfing, playing poker, and flying his planes and copters. He stopped going into the office as Jim had requested. His mind couldn't focus during meetings. The reason he gets up in the mornings is the whimpering of a certain German Shepherd puppy who wanted to be let out of her kennel. She got him up and out for a walk or run on most days. Ruby, it was the name Annie had picked out since her childhood. She was the dog Annie dreamed about. He was thankful for the puppy, she was something that made him feel connected to Annie and right now she was his faithful companion despite his neglect.

Everyday that goes by, he realizes she's farther away. What are the odds that he would fall in love twice and lose each woman so tragically. He starts to feel sorry for himself. Jim reminds him that he got through the death of his wife, he will get through Annie's abandonment, but they don't know it took nearly ten years for him to truly get over Kelly and year for him to climb out of hell after she died.

Ryan began a log where he wrote down all the details he recalled from his interactions with Annie at the hospital, he did it to look for clues and indications that she had planned to leave. After that, he went back through every conversation he could remember from the course of their relationship, making note of references she made to people, places, events and missions. He hoped to find insight as to where she could have gone. He tries to tap Auggie for help and information as much as he can. Each night he rereads his notes while drinking and looking at her picture on his evidence board with Ruby following him around, eager for attention. When she didn't get it, she went off to find something to chew or tear up. At the end of nearly four weeks, Ryan surveys the evidence board, which had been unchanged since he found Annie's letter and her last known sighting. He takes a long sip of his bourbon when the doorbell rings.

Ryan walks to the door to find furniture delivery men. He never canceled the order of nursery furniture. Awkwardly he tells them that the pregnancy ended. The young delivery men look at each other not knowing what to do. "Sorry man. Um, you could refuse the delivery, it's been paid in full, so just call this number to get your money back. We just need you to sign right here."

Ryan looks outside at the sunshine remembering the day he and Annie agreed on the clean and modern nursery set. It was a happy memory for him, "You know what, I'll open the garage, just leave it here."

The delivery men did what they were told and unloaded the boxes holding contents of a crib, changing table, dresser and rocker. Ryan tipped them generously and stood in the garage with the huge boxes of unassembled baby furniture. He wasn't quite sure why he did what he just did, he just knew he couldn't part with the memory and the feeling of anticipation it evoked when he and Annie were planning for their baby. He heads back inside with the box labeled "Rocker" and pours himself another bourbon before assembling the rocker.

Jim recognizes that Ryan is a mess and something needs to be done. Ryan stopped attending their daily briefs and didn't even bother to call in the last two days. Jim called, texted, emailed, and Ryan failed to respond. Finally fed up, Jim enlists Auggie to help him intervene. They go to Ryan's place and find it a mess. Ryan has passed out in the rocker. The poor puppy has chewed up a lot of things and there's dog poop and urine in many spots. Jim drags Ryan towards his pool since he stinks of liquor and obviously hadn't showered in a couple of days. Ryan fights back with fury. Jim and Ryan end up going at it, they have a slug fest outside near the pool as Auggie awkwardly tries breaks up the two men in unfamiliar territory.

Jim, blood dripping from his nose, shouts in exasperation, as Auggie separates the me, "I'm taking the dog back to the breeder. You're neglecting her. You can't take care of yourself. The poor girl needs exercise and she's thinner than she should be, fuck it Ryan, She's living in her own filth. You can't do this man."

Ryan, climbs out of the pool, blood from a cut diluted with the chlorine water dripping down his face makes a line down his cheek. He's a dripping mess. Ryan sits up against a retaining wall thinking that the dog is his last connection to Annie and in her absence he neglected what was right there in front of him. He calls to the puppy who despite his neglect the last couple of days still sees him as her Master, she wags her tail, happy for the attention from her human companion and runs towards him. He holds her in his lap and for the first time unleashes his emotions. He says, "Sorry" to Ruby over and over and in his mind he was also sorry that he couldn't protect Annie from Kravec. The two guys stand awkwardly for a moment before Auggie walks towards the muffled sobs and kneels down and says, "Things can only get better from here, take it from me, you've got to hit bottom before you know which way is up."

"Well, I guess you would know Auggie."

Jim says, "Okay, what's the name of the breeder? I'll take her back."

"No f'ing way, she's staying, I'm good now, I'll take care of her."

Jim gives him a look.

Ryan says, "Really, I'm good now, thanks for the wake-up call boys."

The guys head inside to give him space and start cleaning up.

The men clean up Ryan's house, they take down the evidence board.

While Jim goes to the garage to dump trash and empty bottles that had built up he sees enormous boxes. Taking a closer look, it's nursery furniture. He finds out that Ryan never canceled the set he and Annie picked out for their son. Jim asks, what he's going to do with a crib, a dresser, a changing table and a rocker.

"When they delivered it, I realized I forgot to cancel the order. I couoldn't send it back, Annie and I picked it out."

"I'll get someone over take care of it."

"No, no shouts Ryan. It's okay. Leave it."

"What the fuck Ryan, we're working on moving forward right? What are you going to do with baby furniture?"

Ryan says, "It's staying."

Jim says, "For the love of God, you're insane," but leaves it as is. He knows his friend and he knows not to argue.

Slowly Ryan eases back to work about a month after Annie's gone in the wind. Jim makes him stop drinking for a while to prove that Ryan isn't an alcoholic. Ryan regains his usual discipline and lays off alcohol and returns to his regular exercise and work routine except now Ruby is part of his life. His friends helped him realize that he had to take care of Ruby and his company, Jim slapped it into him and Ryan appreciated it. Ryan fully poured himself back into work by the six week mark, his friend Dex was behind enemy lines, separated from his team. He prepped for the mission with Jim and went back out in the field for the first time in ages. Being in the field re-energized him. For the first time in weeks, he went a few hours without thinking about Annie Walker.

When he came back from getting Dex out of a dicey situation in Indonesia, he began obedience training with Ruby and poured 110% to his company and his employees. He took the letter from Annie, he had memorized it and placed it inside his safe. When he did it, he saw the engagement ring he bought for her before she found out that he had been watching her. It turned out he was right to worry for her, he let his guard down and gave Kravec a window to harm Annie. Although he wasn't obsessed with tracking her anymore, the guilt he felt at his inability to protect her remained with him.


	51. Chapter 51 : Parting Ways

**CHAPTER 51**

Day 11 through Day 21

The ride to Vermont was filled with the songs from their youth and interspersed with jags from NPR to listen to All Things Considered and Fresh Air. Not much is spoken between the two other than what needed to be done once they reached Middlebury College. Ben was so unused to working with a partner after years as a solo operator that it was as if she weren't right next to him. He didn't even think to ask her to do some of the things that needed to be done for her cover, but it would go much faster with Annie's help. He had already fixed a cover for her that was similar to her actual graduate school studies at Georgetown University and had the recommendations and transcripts in his folio. They just needed to work on her undergraduate cover.

It's mid-morning when they make it to the small town in Vermont. Ben hacks into the registrar's office and obtains official transcripts and letters of recommendation on Katie Porter complete with the college seal. Then he finds the digital yearbook from Katie Porter's four years on campus and makes changes to it to show Annie's photo instead. He locates newspaper articles on Katie's language abilities and humanitarian pursuits. He prints out the articles for Annie's cover. It's not easy for a spy to work without the CIA's tech support, but Ben's been on his own for a long time and had to learn how to do these things after the minimal training he had on creating covers at the Farm. There were entire departments that spent hours working on official documents and creating a life history for the CIA's operatives and assets. The pair on the run didn't have the luxury of support from Langley to back up her new cover.

Ben sends Annie to the Middlebury bookstore to buy some school spirit to show off and to learn the campus. She buys a t-shirt, key fob and a book on the campus history and architecture. He also tasks her with taking photos around the campus, he would later photoshop a younger airbrushed version of Annie into the photos. She walked around blending in with the students though she was a good 12-15 years older than most of them. Annie wanders around the campus, going into the dorms where Katie Porter spent her college years. Then she heads into a cafeteria to nosey around. She visits the student center and language department to get a quick overview and studies the names and histories of the faculty Katie Porter worked with. She learns the menu at The Grille where Ben meets her. "You ready to answer questions should you come across a real Middlebury graduate?"

"Good to go."

Ben and Annie climb into the Prius and head North towards Canada.

Before they get to the border, Ben rents a storage facility for the Prius he had purchased with one of his cover identities. He paid up front for a year and keeps his weapons, a bit of cash, and some of his papers stashed inside the car. He wasn't sure if he'd be back before a year was up, but a car stashed at the Canadian border may come in handy. He like most spies kept resources in nooks and crannies all over the world. Ben hands the combination to the lock to Annie in case she needs it.

"I'm good."

Ben shrugs, "You never know Annie, life throws a lot at us. Take it. We're both operating alone, so we should share our resources."

"I'm not 'operating' and I won't be back in the country in the next year; you only paid for a year." Annie hands the slip with the combination number back to Ben, but she had already memorized the number.

"You're right, I should pay for another year. Last job was about three years deep cover. I almost forgot who I was until I came back."

The longest Annie had been on a deep cover assignment was four months hunting Henry Wilcox. She could not fathom three years of pretending, but she had to face it, she was going away indefinitely.

"How do you do it? How do you remember who you are while pretending to be someone else? How do you come back knowing you did things you wouldn't ever do as the real you?"

"I remind myself of the mission and always take a bit of my real life with me, a visual reminder of who I am," says Ben as he lifts his sleeve to reveal the shell bracelet.

Annie didn't know Ben had removed the bracelet from its hiding place at his safehouse back in NYC. Seeing it on his wrist and hearing him refer to it as a reminder of who he really is made her feel even more guarded around him.

"I can't believe you still have that."

Annie wonders about the life Ben has had since she last saw him. He always chose his work over his personal relationships and was still doing it. She wanted to tell him the sacrifices would eventually take a toll like others told her, but she knew he wouldn't listen like she didn't listen. He would have to come to the realization on his own.

Annie starts walking away with her luggage. Ben gathers his duffel and catches up to Annie to take the handle of her suitcase from her. Crossing the border as Americans was a piece of cake, both take care to avoid the security cameras and in the sleepy border towns, it was easy to get waved through.

The pair head into Montreal and settle into a small hotel go to work on Annie's supporting documents. Ben photo shops Annie's pictures onto the articles on Katie Porter. Finally Ben heads out to Kinkos so that he can finish printing out pictures and documents for Annie's cover. While he's gone, Annie repacks her suitcase and carry-on. She re-folds McQuaid's sweatshirt and debates whether taking it would hinder or help. Ben's words about taking a visual reminder of who he really is echo in her thoughts. She holds the sweatshirt close to her chest and ultimately puts it at the bottom of the suitcase with the stuffed dog.

Annie finishes packing up her things and looks at flights to France. There are a couple of night flights out of Montreal later that day. There was no use postponing the inevitable, so Annie plans on going to the airport as soon as Ben returns with her papers. She can't leave the continent fast enough. She wanted to get far away to a place where she wouldn't be reminded of Kravec or everything she lost over the years she worked for the CIA.

Ben returns with an envelope for Annie. He hands it to her.

Annie takes the envelope and looks over the contents before saying, "Thanks for everything, take care of yourself, and maybe start thinking about your exit strategy." says Annie. She zips up her carry-on and places it on her roller suitcase.

Ben wasn't ready for the abrupt parting.

"You can't get rid of me that easily. My orders were to help you get out of the country."

"Since when does Ben Mercer follow orders?"

"I do if they are from Joan Campbell, she's my bread and butter, can't mess with that."

"This favor originated because of me, you're good Ben and we _are_ out of the country. Thank you for everything," says Annie.

"Who is going to carry your bags and help you get that in the overhead compartment?" asks Ben pointing to Annie's suitcase.

"Don't you have a mission to go on?"

"I have some studying to do before I'm mission ready. Need to brush up on my Urdu and Punjabi. I was owed three months to decompress and it's only been a little over two."

"You don't have to look after me anymore." Those words remind her of Ryan who had looked after her since they met despite her attempts at keeping him at a distance.

"I disagree, you still need another few of days, maybe a week Annie before you are back to normal. And you can help me with my language skills. Win-win."

"It's Katie says Annie," looking around and thinking she's a long way from "normal."

Annie has had her guard up around Ben. She had been uncomfortable since she found her picture and the shell bracelet she and Ben had purchased together in Sri Lanka. Her concerns were confirmed when he revealed that he still wore it on missions. Since she wasn't saying anything. Ben gathers his things and emails all the files he worked on to Katie Porter's Dropbox so Annie would have access to them. Then he deletes all the files on her from his computer.

"You should have all the files in case you need them, but remember, we have no agency support, take it from me, it isn't that easy nowadays to reinvent yourself without back-up, the world is changing, keeping up with the technology isn't easy."

The man had a point thought Annie, she wasn't in the clear yet. She still needed to manage a job with her new identity and that means interviews and reference checks. She might have all the documents, but she needed someone to back her up when it came to her job search.

"You're risking a lot to help me."

"Maybe I feel responsible. You wouldn't have become an operative if we didn't meet. You might be a professor somewhere, living a glamorous life appraising art in London, or married with kids in the burbs of Virginia, who knows."

Ben's last conjecture of where Annie might be had she not met him caused a lump in her throat, she was ready for that life, the life of a mom. Annie doesn't blame Ben for her misfortunes, only herself and of course Kravec.

"None of what happened to me has anything to do with you. . . Ben, if you're doing this because you think there's a chance . . .for us to get back what we had in Sri Lanka . . ."

Ben smiles and cuts her off, "I'm going deep cover, I'll be radio silent until the mission is complete, could be three months, six months or twelve or more. I don't know. I just want to do what I can for you and for Joan. I mean that, no strings, no expectations, no ulterior motives."

Annie sighs, resigned, "Okay then, I need to get to Basel, to the safe deposit box, but I plan on going through through France."

But Ben already knew that.

Ben and Annie spend another 10 days together. They've now spent as much time as they had in Sri Lanka. The pair take a couple of days to travel from France to Switzerland where they wait until the scars on Annie's face heal and the bruises have faded enough to be well concealed with make-up. Annie retrieves the contents of Teo's safe deposit box. It contained 250,000 USD, a small pouch of diamonds, a key to a small villa in Crete, and a set of cover passports for both Teo and Helen. Annie considers for a brief moment retreating to Crete, she had plenty to start out with. But she decides she needs to move forward with her plan. Annie leaves half the cash in another safe deposit box.

When Annie has healed enough she starts accepting interviews. Ben's role is to make sure the calls on Annie's background are routed to him to offer references. He also picks up the package he had mailed to himself. It was a trick, a gamble he learned as a spy and most of the time it worked. He mailed two firearms he took from McQuaid's safehouse to their next destination. They are now armed in case they need it. Annie says she has no use for guns anymore, but Ben insists that she hold on to one. He tells her to mail it to her next destination and shows her how to sandwich it between books.

Someone with Katie Porter's credentials who was willing to go to third world countries was a rare commodity, it turned out that getting a job was a cinch for someone who spoke multiple languages and had a experience studying clean water and in health care education. As for her apprehension over spending time with Ben, it slowly dissipated, he was a perfect gentleman and proved to be a helpful travel companion. They spent most of their 10 days filling out job applications for Annie and following up on them. To fill in the other hours, they remain inside practicing Urdu and avoiding security cameras.

On their final night together in Switzerland, they splurge on a five star hotel after nearly ten days moving every night from cheap hotel to cheap hotel. The funds from the safe proved ample enough for them. Ben runs out to read his messages at an Internet café and exchanges some of his cash for cash cards and spare phones. It gives Annie some much needed alone time. She felt so close to her new life. She had gotten a job offer with the African Maternal & Fetal Health Initiative as a translator and health care educator. She took it without waiting to hear from other groups.

While Ben is gone, she undresses to take a much needed bath. Annie couldn't remember her last bubble bath and while her body was getting back to normal she was still stiff at times. When she's fully naked and turns towards the tub, she sees herself in the huge wall of mirrors in the hotel's luxurious bathroom. It gave her a first full glimpse at the trove of scars on her body, she stiffens when she sees them and recalls Kravec's words as he snuffed his cigars out on her back. She pushes out his words. Not only were there burn marks, there was a drill hole and scars from the leather whip Kravec used on her. She won't, she can't let him in her head.

It was vain and silly, but she starts to cry realizing wearing a bikini or strapless dress would never be possible without stares and embarrassment. What story could she possible invent to explain away for scars? Abusive childhood? Abusive ex-boyfriend? Rescued sex worker?

The steam coming from the bath makes the view hazy saving her from looking longer. She sits in the tub and closes her eyes and covers her ears. EVentaully she immerses her entire body under the hot water. She's trying to drown out Kravec's voice. She reminds herself that he's behind bars now and fights the memories of what he did to her and how he put out his cigar on her back to mark his abuse. So she thinks of happy images of her and Ryan, their first glimpse at the baby via ultrasound when she woke from her surgery, and their walks along the beach, but it doesn't seem to be working. Finally, she emerges from under the water and Annie gets out of the tub, out of breath. She wraps herself in the hotel robe and frantically digs the stuffed dog out from the bottom of her bag. She holds it close, as a talisman against the sound of Kravec's Russian accent in her head.

The room starts to spin, she feels lightheaded, the walls literally move closer and closer to her. She has to get out and tries to open the door to the balcony, but the feeling of panic and doom continue to bombard her causing her to lose her breath. She feels like she's going to pass out and tries to catch her breath as she fumbles on the lock of the sliding glass door. Eventually she falls to her knees and passes out.

Ben returns from his errands to find Annie lying on the floor of the hotel room. Her hair is still very wet and her skin moist, so he figures she hasn't been there long. When he lifts her up and she responds by jerking awake and pushes him away before she realizes who he is, Ben shushes her and gently puts her on the fluffy bed. He goes to the bathroom to fetch a glass of water. Ben brings the water to Annie's bedside and tries to take her pulse. Her heart is beating rapidly. He knew about her heart condition, but he thought it was repaired.

With concern he asks, "Do you remember what happened?"

"I don't know, I felt claustrophobic after I got out of the bath, I was trying to get out on the balcony when I don't know what happened, the walls felt like they were closing in and I couldn't breathe, I must have passed out."

Ben takes a deep breath, your heartbeat was rapid, I don't know what it is, my super spy skills stop short of field medic training and CPR, you need to see a doctor. "I think I'll be okay, I'll change and go sit outside for some fresh air."

Annie sits out on the small balcony with her stuffed dog and sips her water. Ben joins her after he's given her some time alone and says, "We have the cash, we can find a doctor who will be discreet."

"There are too many variables. I can't have a full physical with the condition of my body. I think maybe seeing myself in there triggered the episode."

"What do you mean?"

"I finally saw myself in the mirror and I couldn't handle what I saw. I felt bombarded by images and sounds . . .it was like I was back there again. . . " said Annie trailing off. Ben hadn't seen Annie's naked body since the early days back at McCauley's when he helped Theresa change her bandages before she regained consciousness. She was raw, the injuries oozed and hadn't started to scab; she looked awful. It was even hard for him to see and he had seen a lot.

Ben takes it in, looks down and asks, "Did the same thing happen back at my apartment?"

Annie thinks about it. "Maybe, it wasn't quite that bad there, it was similar. I don't know, it felt like one of my episodes when I had myocarditis , but not completely."

"Annie, what if this happens when you're alone?"

"I'll be fine."

"Don't fool yourself, your health is important. You need a plan, so you're prepared."

"There's a doctor I trust, but he's in Jerusalem. He knows my history."

"Jerusalem?"

Annie nods. I'll give him a call.

The pair were due to separate the next day. Ben had spent nearly two weeks on the road with Annie and helped her land her job, but she didn't quite know where in Africa they would dispatch her just yet. She would stay on in Switzerland on her own while Ben went on his assignment.

"I'll be fine Ben."

"You will? I mean, you will. I know it."

Annie nods.

"Okay then, you still up for a night on the town?"

Annie smiles. "Just give me a minute to change."

Annie and Ben walk the streets of Zurich, it brings back memories of her first encounter with Eyal. They window shop and people watch before finding a lovely bistro to have dinner.

"You ready to go back in?"

"I've had nearly two and half months to decompress, the last few weeks have been an unexpected adventure and when things get tough, I'll remember our time together. But as much fun as I've had, I'm made for the field. It's where I feel most alive and where I find meaning."

"Yeah, I was made painfully aware of that."

"I'm sorry about all of that. Really. If I could take it back, I wouldn't have approached you at that bar on the beach. I wasn't wise enough to see down the road and when I realized I couldn't be what you needed or wanted, I did what was best. It's not fair to expect someone to wait at home with no word and no date of return."

Annie sighs. "No need to apologize, it might have taken a while, but I understand now. Believe me, I understand. So I gathered with all the Urdu practice, you're heading to Pakistan?"

"Should confirm or deny, but I don't care, whose going to slap my wrist?" says Ben with a smile. "You're right, apparently an American jihadist is all the rage there and my reputation precedes me. According to my cover, I've been at Guantanamo the last few years, a model prisoner if you can believe."

"Be careful Ben. I never thought I'd be the one to say this, but get out before it's too late, before there's no going back. I know this life is all you think you have, but there is more and I got a taste of it. It was good."

"If it was so good, why are you leaving it?"

Annie looks down. "Remember when you wrote, 'the truth is complicated?', if I stayed my life would _always be complicated by the past_ and I decided to keep things simple and that means being on my own."

"I get it. Maybe that's why I'm alone too. I learned from my past," says Ben.

He looks at her, he had already passed the point of no return when he let Annie go. He made a conscious decision to choose his job.

She looks at him, "Who would have thought we'd be sitting here now?"

Ben chuckles, "Like I said before, life throws things at us. I'm sorry about Kravec, McQuaid, and the baby, but I'm not sorry we got to spend time together."

He reaches across the table and takes her hand where she had used multiple bracelets to camouflage the healing scar. He pushes away the bracelets and says, "Promise me you won't do that again." Annie doesn't like being touched unexpectedly and pulls her hand away.

"You and I both know promises mean nothing."

Her words hurt him, but he knew he deserved it and he knew she could promise nothing.

"Did you do it as part of the op or did you really want to die?"

The pointed question caught Annie off guard. She asked herself that question and was afraid of the truth.

"Honestly, I don't know."

They finish dinner and walk back towards their hotel room. He gathers his belongings and heads to the airport. She looks up at him and says, "Good-bye Ben."

"Well, I hope we cross paths again Annie Walker," he whispers into her ear.

Annie logs into Katie's Porter's email and sees PDFs full of employment paperwork from her new employers as well as her new location. They requested a full physical and immunization records to be on file. Annie already had the supporting documents. They also provided a list of medicine and supplies to pack for her new job. It was all becoming real.

Annie goes back to the hotel room after she places a call to Avram. He was happy to hear from her and said, Eyal had told him she had her mitral valve repaired. She panicked thinking it wasn't a good idea to have called him. "Please don't tell Eyal I've called."

"Sure, I haven't seen in a couple of months, he's been out of the country."

She filled him in on her surgery to repair her heart and told him about her recent symptoms. He asked her some pointed questions and said without a full work up it wsas hard to tell what was wrong, but his guess was she probably was having panic or anxiety attacks. Annie wasn't surprised.

"What can I do about them?"

"Well, therapy is said to work as well as a combination of drugs. It is best to identify your triggers and try to avoid them."

"Thanks Avram,"

"Can you . . . "

"Call in the meds?"

"Yeah, please?"

"Thank you and remember, I never called."

Avram wasn't sure who he was more scared of Eyal or Annie.

"Kol Tuv Annie."

Annie picks up the meds the next day, some books, a supply of toiletries, clothing for the new climate, and boards a plane bound for Mali.


	52. Chapter 52 : The 4th of July

**Sorry for the delay, been busy with life. Here's Auggie's letter, finally, he reveals the contents to McQuaid.**

Through the intervention of his friends, Ryan went back to work full-time two weeks after he found Annie's letter. He drowned his sorrow in work and turned his focus on house training Ruby.

**Approximately four months later. . . **

Ryan and Auggie meet for drinks about four months after Annie's dramatic escape from the ambulance transporting her from Walter Reed to a psychiatric hospital. They had not seen each other in a month. The bar where the two men agree to meet is abuzz and festive. The entire establishment is full of patriotic young Americans drawn to the District of Columbia for work and graduate studies. It's completely adorned in red, white and blue to celebrate the 4th of July. Ryan and Auggie are the few remaining patrons when most of the others file out to view the fireworks.

"To Annie and her favorite holiday" says Auggie raising his glass in McQuaid's direction.

Ryan grits his teeth as he raises his glass to clink Auggie's glass.

"To Annie, may she be well wherever she landed," says McQuaid.

The two men sit side by side each conjuring up memories of Annie. Auggie remembers Annie's radiance, he never saw her, but she exuded energy he could feel when she entered a room. That radiance was gone when she first returned from Hong Kong, as well as any chance to start over, she had made that clear. But Auggie was okay with that, he'd gotten over her romantically, like he'd gotten over Helen, Tash, and Parker before her, but he wasn't over their friendship. No matter what they were friends first. Good Friends. Even though she betrayed his trust more than once, Auggie would always have her back. From time to time he wondered why she kept him in the dark about leaving. Maybe he'd been too harsh towards her over the Tash incident in Paris. The op in Paris where Annie engaged Kravec was a mistake on so many levels.

Ryan remembers Annie's inner strength and resolve. She was stubborn and so sure of herself. She was so sure she didn't need anyone until she needed him and he needed her too. During the missions he worked with her, he saw her unique skills as a field operative, her refusal to give up, and her dedication to the op at hand. There was so much fight and sass in her, but Kravec snuffed it out, he beat her until her body could no longer carry their child and it shattered her into a thousand pieces. Annie Walker was broken and he didn't even know where she was to help pick up the pieces. Knowing that and knowing that he didn't save her from Kravec still grieved McQuaid.

Ryan breaks the silence, "You know I'm still pissed at the CIA for trading Kravec in the first place."

"Yeah, I get that, you were pretty hard on the team your guys worked with on that recent op. But you know it's complicated, we owed it to some operatives and assets, it was necessary. If Annie were one of them and traded for Kravec you'd feel differently. You gotta cut Joan some slack. You can't be more pissed at Joan than Kravec himself."

"No, that's not a fair comparison. I'd wrap my hands around his neck and inflict the same pain he caused Annie if I could."

"You and I both know that's not the man you are McQuaid."

"One can fantasize, I had a chance to put a bullet through his skull, but I didn't."

"You ever think about visiting him?"

"I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he didn't just torture Annie, but caused her to miscarry and abandon her life."

"So you're not even a little ticked at her for leaving you?"

"I tried that, didn't work. I know her thought process, she left to save me from herself. It was an act of love and sacrifice however misguided. The only person I'm angry at is Kravec."

Auggie thinks about the multiple times he has lost this temper.

"I do that, get angry and react violently, landed in lock-up once after this girl broke up with me. Really didn't know what came over me, I couldn't stop myself."

"It wasn't Annie was it?"

Auggie chuckles, "No, before her time."

McQuaid grunts. "She is something else. I saw this part of her that was haunted. She felt she was too dark, too messed up, too scarred to be with anyone. I thought I got her to see otherwise, but when she lost the baby, all that darkness came back a hundred fold and took over."

Auggie nods. She was different when she returned from being dark, but he didn't quite get the reasons at the time. She kept her innermost thoughts from him, shielding him from her darkness, but he saw a change in her and McQuaid nailed it. She was filled with self-loathing and believed she'd crossed a line, so she might as well keep crossing it. When it came to Tash and that op in Paris, he was so angry with her for putting aside her emotions and for only caring about the end and not the means.

"Well, we know she's still alive so that's a good thing."

"Something I heard at mass struck me,"

"Ryan McQuaid goes to Mass?" laughs Auggie.

"I go when I can to light a candle for Annie. . . anyway, the reading was about the sheep and the shepherd how the sheep know the voice of the Lord and ignore the voices of thieves and bandits, I pray that Annie hears the right voice, the voice that tells her to come home, the voice that tells her to chose an abundant life in the light."

"I was never a religious person, so I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'll drink to Annie returning to the light."

They lift their glasses to each other and drink their Patron.

"Where do you think she could have gone?" asks Ryan.

With a sigh, Auggie replies, "You've asked me that before. . . she loved oceans and tropical environments, but she also loved the energy of cities and the allure of exotic far to reach places. She could be in Timbuktu for all I know."

Again the men sit in silence.

Ryan breaks this round of quiet, "Knowing she came back after four months away, I was hopeful, as if four months was a magical amount of time to be gone. I started looking at the airport, train and bus stations feeds. It was stupid, I know."

"I thought you had given up looking."

"It may not consume me like it did when she first left, but I'll never give up on her."

"Anything new then?"

"No, nothing, all my feelers have turned up nothing."

Auggie supposes he's not surprised.

"So tell me about your letter again?" asks Ryan.

Auggie sips his beer, he somehow knew McQuaid would ask again, so this time he brought it. He took the letter Annie wrote to him out of his jacket inner pocket.

"You can read it for yourself," says Auggie as he hands the letter over to Ryan.

"Are you sure? I figured she wrote stuff you didn't want me to see, so I stopped asking."

"Listen man, I don't know why I didn't just share it like you shared yours, I guess I wanted to hold on to a part of her that you didn't have, but I want to follow through with her wishes,"

"What wishes?"

"Read the letter."

Ryan takes the letter Annie wrote to Auggie.

_Dear Auggie, _

_I'm sorry to leave this way, so abruptly. After everything we've been through, you deserve an explanation and a proper good-bye from me. When I came back from being dark, I wanted things to go back to simpler times, when we were just operative and handler. In hindsight that was naïve, I had an emotional attachment to you my first day when you came into the ladies room after me. You were my anchor, my security, my friend, and ally. I know I trampled on our relationship with the choices I made. I know it was hard for you to see me evolve as an operative. It was hard for me too, but it happened in a flash and before I knew it I didn't recognize the reflection in the mirror. "We're all standing in the mud," remember? Well, the mud has stained me, it's under my nails and in my pores, I've drowned in it and the only way to keep from dragging others into the mud with me is to leave._

_You were right, trust is at the heart of any relationship and we were broken before I left. I guess it's an excuse to say I had good reasons, I know you had good reasons too. Auggie, I'm asking for that trust back. Please trust my reasons for leaving and help Ryan to see them too. Be his friend like you were mine. I know he'll have a hard time, but I know you'll help him understand. Thank you for having my back even when I kept things from you. I didn't want to burden you again, so I'm making my own way. I will miss you in my ear._

_Good-bye, _

_Annie_

When Auggie senses that Ryan has finished reading the letter he opens with, "It's about time you really move on Ryan. It's what she wanted."

"That's the difference between the two of us, you gave up on her, you're willing to accept her self-inflicted punishment, but I'm not."

"What's this reference to standing in the mud?"

Auggie thinks.

" I didn't think of it as a reference."

Auggie continues to reach into his memory, when did Annie talk about standing in the mud? She hadn't brought it up in a long time.

"When she first started, she would often be conflicted. You know all the talk about duty, but no one tells you how to manage it when you have to make tough choices. She didn't always color outside the lines so easily, she used to be bothered by using people and lying and manipulating them. She asked me pretty early on how dirty she was going to get. There were times she thought she wouldn't last, but it turned out she matured into one hell of an operative, but it tore at her being."

"What was the mission?"

Auggie thinks back. "She had to use a man's grief and desire for revenge to get him to do something the agency needed and she didn't feel good about it, but Langley needed her to do her job."

As Auggie said that he realized something. . . could Annie have gone to McCauley? McCauley and Mercer hadn't met as far as he knew, but Mercer did have a connection to Chris. . . He needed to keep Ryan from looking, so he keeps his realization to himself.

"Thanks for showing this to me," says Ryan passing the letter back to Auggie.

"Sure," says Auggie as he finishes his drink.

The pair part ways, Ryan dropping Auggie at his building while he headed home to Ruby.

**Approximately 6 Months**

**Ryan dates**

Ryan had a rough couple of days concentrating as what would have been Annie's due date approached. He went into his safe and took out Annie's letter. He went into the bedroom that would have been the baby's room and starred at the rocking chair, the only piece of furniture for the baby he had assembled. He sat down let himself sink into it and opened the letter. He read it a few times though he had it memorized by now.

Ryan woke up a couple of hours later. He decided he would venture to the beach house that weekend. He didn't enjoy what was once a relaxing refuge for him, but it was where he last spent time with Annie.

When Ryan pulls into the driveway he sees shades of blue near the tree. He's surprised to find a bouquet of flowers by the tree Annie planted. He knew immediately she must have sent them. Tracing the origin of the flowers was easy, but not information regarding who paid for them. She was still elusive. Close, but so far away.

Jim started hounding Ryan about getting back out in the field and he didn't mean for missions. He wanted Ryan to go on a blind date with his latest girlfriend's roommate. Jim always poked fun at McQuaid for showing little interest in hooking up with women. He told Ryan his problem was he hadn't gotten laid in more than six months.

"I've been sober and I've brought in half a dozen new contracts since . . . since I've been back at work, what do you care what I do with my personal time?" asks Ryan who never had interest in random hook-ups.

"It's not natural to go so long without sex my friend and I kind of like this girl, come on, just some drinks, she's bringing her roommate."

The girls were in grad school at Georgetown, in their mid 20s. Too young, but Ryan relented one night. It was the most boring inane time he had in years. He couldn't stay any longer and went home to Ruby. He told his canine companion all about how his date spent the evening complaining about her classes and one professor's unwillingness to grant her an extension on a paper she couldn't write because she was in a wedding a couple of weekends ago. Annie Walker would find his date amusing. He couldn't fathom finding another person he wanted to talk to about his day. It was still too soon for him to move on. He still missed Annie and wondered what life would have been like if Kravec hadn't kidnaped her. He fell asleep dreaming about completing the nursery with Annie before Annie goes into labor. In his dream, Annie was her usual tough self, braving the pain of childbirth without an epidural. In the dream she was sweaty, panting, and just plain beautiful as she used all her strength to push. They both cried when they saw their son whom they had finally agreed to name, Ryan Patrick McQuaid Jr. Ryan woke up deflated as soon as he realized he had been dreaming. His visions of Annie were just so vivid.


	53. Chapter 53: Annie in Mali

**This chapter covers the time period from when Annie first arrives to about 4 months after she arrives in Mali (so about four months after she left D.C.)**

Annie Walker, now Katie Porter arrived about four months ago in Mali and began working with a small group of doctors, translators and health educators in the Mopti region of Mali its the surrounding towns and villages. Annie finds herself a small studio type apartment in a building that is a revolving door of foreign nationals in the region for research, humanitarian or missionary work. There are even some adventure travelers who visit the area while in the country to see Timbuktu. She takes a couple of days to familiarize herself with the city and makes an exit strategy should she need to leave in a hurry. She furnishes her place with just the bare essentials and finds secure nooks to hide her documents.

Annie has thoroughly prepared herself on the history and current state of affairs of her new home. She planned to stay there for as long as she could help and felt comfortable. She wanted to make a real difference in her new role, she was hopeful that she could leave her nightmare and shattered dreams behind, she knew as she read about the people of Mali that her couple of days as Ivan Kravec's captive was nothing compared to the daily suffering of many in the country.

The people of Mali constantly face the devastation of drought, extreme poverty and unpredictable violent conflict. It is a county in need of education and health care infrastructure. Mali has the second highest birthrate in the world, low literacy rates and high malnutrition rates, and nearly half the country's population is under the age of 14. Most people rely on farming to feed their families, however, drought has severely affected crops and resulted in malnutrition. The African Maternal & Fetal Health Initiative hired Annie or Katie Porter as part of their effort to focus on improving health, nutrition and education outcomes for the women and children of Mali. Girls have especially suffered in the country where discrimination against women and girls persist.

Mali's political instability has negatively influenced the lives of women and children on a daily basis. Armed groups have recruited boys for fighting and girls have been forced to marry members of such groups. Many families have had to flee, leaving their homes and livelihoods behind and becoming refugees in neighboring villages or cities. Children of Mali need to be protected from violence and the risk of human trafficking.

The official language of Mali is French and being fluent, Annie's language skills come in handy, but she also quickly picks up Bambara, a language that 80% of the people speak as a first or second language.

Annie is assigned to a clinic and office based in the city of Mopti. The clinic has a couple teams of doctors and educators that it sends out daily to offer prenatal health care and education. They give informal talks in villages about health, hygiene, family planning and nutrition when they visit villages. The clinic also performs check-ups and provides immunizations for babies and children. Recently, considerable political unrest has crept closer to the area. Annie begins to travel to the local villages with a doctor to help with translations and gives talks to children on how to brush their teeth and purify water before drinking. Annie loves the work she is doing and derives a lot of joy in spending time with the babies and children during her trips to the villages. She looks forward to preparing materials and giving talks to the women and girls she meets. Girls they really are so young, the mother's she's encountered who have had multiple babies, babies who look so in need of better nutrition. Occasionally they receive shipments of mosquito nets from various groups and at times they partner with churches and missionary groups to help a village repair a clinic or build a school or well. Annie keeps to herself the first few weeks, she makes little effort at small talk with the doctor she has been assigned to work with though he invites her to his home to eat nearly every other day.

The area is extremely arid and hot, by the end of the days she spends in open air vehicles visiting villages, Annie takes a long shower at the end of each day, but even that is unpredictable at times in the region. She goes home and eats alone, sometimes strolls the city's markets and goes out for a meal, but she essentially avoids people and it was easy to do so. It seemed she picked the perfect place to blend in and Annie never gets asked enough questions to probe too deeply into her past before her new colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances leave to return to school or a new assignment or quit because they couldn't take the heat and uncertainty of life in an area filled with despair and hardship. Annie spends many nights reading in her apartment and writing in her journals while starring out at the sunset and fighting her demons. She works hard to put her past behind her, but she can't escape her subconscious. At least a couple of nights a week she wakes up in a sweat caused not by the heat, but by the images, sounds, and feelings of fear, despair, and shame.

One night she wakes to loud knocking. Already in a sweat and with a racing pulse, she grabbed her gun from under her pillow and went to her door.

"Who is it?"

"Your neighbor, Matt Reynolds. I've introduced myself to you a couple of times since you arrived. I tried to talk to you last week on the landing out here remember?"

"What do you want?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Why?"

"On account of all the screaming."

Annie closes her eyes, the walls were a bit thin in the old building. She could hear Matt Reynolds her neighbor play the guitar and his guests he had over every Friday night for Bible Study. She listened to their discussions sometimes intruiged by the ideas they discussed about God, forgiveness, grace and mercy, and God's will in light of the suffering they had witnessed in their daily lives.

Annie puts her gun away and grabs her robe before she opens the door.

"You're alive and in one piece, I'm glad to see that because from the sounds of it you were in some bloody battle and that wasn't your first."

Annie looks around the hallway, then at her watch, it's nearly midnight.

"Sorry I disturbed your sleep."

"No no, you didn't, I was just coming back from a prayer meeting and heard all the ruckus as I reached the landing here. I'm Matt Reynolds, by the way," says Matt reaching out his hand. "I don't think you've ever told me your name."

Annie looks at him for a moment, she had noticed him before of course. She made it her business to know everyone in the building though they didn't know her. He was a pastor and missionary from Australia, probably in his late twenties.

"Katherine Porter," says Annie reaching out her hand.

"Listen, I'm still too wired to sleep, how about some guava juice?"

"No, thanks."

"Are you sure? You look like you could use a drink."

"Guava juice isn't strong enough Matt, but thanks."

"Sure, if you ever want to talk, my door's just a few paces away and I'm a really good listener."

"I'll remember that. Good night."

"Oh, I have a Bible Study on Fridays, you're welcome to come at 7pm, hope we haven't disturbed you, it's a big group for a small place."

"No, you haven't."

"Come by then!"

Annie smiles and closes the door and tries to go back to sleep with her stuffed dog, but can't. On lonely nights like these she missed Ryan the most. She got out of bed and got his NAVY sweatshirt out of the closet. It was hot as hell, so she replaced the pillow she had for the folded sweatshirt and eventually fell back to sleep.

By 4 months Annie has become friends with another woman, an American like herself. They met a few weeks after Annie arrived in Mali, she was married to the doctor Annie was assigned to work with, Dr. Baba "Bobby" Musa. After weeks of invitations, Annie had finally accepted Bobby's invitation to dinner one week and as luck would have it, her neighbor Matt Reynolds was also at dinner that evening along with a two others from the clinic. Dr. Bobby as he was affectionately known, was a Malian educated in the West. He met his wife while he was at Duke medical school and she was an undergraduate studying anthropology and African Studies. He wanted to return to his native country to help his people and had been serving in the area for nearly five years. He and his wife enjoyed entertaining and meeting new people. Their home is open to many of the foreign workers and especially Americans in the area as they both missed life in the States at times.

Rachel and Bobby drop Matt and Annie at their building after dinner. "It's been quite unsafe lately hasn't it?" asks Rachel.

"Nothing to be worried about, it always comes and goes."

"You don't seem fazed by any of this Katie and you've only been here four weeks or so. . . " says Rachel referring to the soldiers and commotion of a roadblock ahead as well as the general chaos of driving into the city on a weekend night.

"I read a lot about the region before I made the decision to come here."

"Why don't you drop us off here, we're only another two kilometers out. It's best for you to avoid that roadblock ahead," says Matt.

Annie and Matt get dropped off and thank the Musas for the ride home and watch as they drive off in the opposite direction of the roadblock. Without the ride, it would have been unpredictable buses in the heat that never seemed to cease, so they were still in a good place.

Annie's not comfortable being alone with a man she didn't know though Matt seemed like a nice enough and trustworthy guy. She just didn't want to make more small talk than she had to. They walk in silence before Matt breaks the ice.

"So, you do seem pretty calm around all this chaos tonight. Did you grow up in a big city or something?"

"Strangely I feel safe here, I don't think the trouble has come this far south, it's all just a precaution." responds Annie.

"Hmm. . ." says Matt.

Annie doesn't let that vocalized commentary go.

"What was that 'hmm' for?"

"Well, for someone who feels safe, you have a lot of nightmares."

Annie is taken aback at Matt's observation.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Matt puts his hands up. "Okay, I get it, you don't have to tell me why you wake up screaming and shouting a couple of nights a week, but know that I've been praying for you Katie Porter and I hope your nightmares stop."

They walk the rest of the way to their building in silence.

**About Four Months Later**

As time passed, Annie noticed the Rachel's stomach growing, she was a researcher and traveled with another group doing a long range medical anthropological study as part of her doctoral dissertation. She studied how the region's cultural and political forces shaped women and children's health and nutrition. After her first dinner with the group, Annie learned a lot about her colleague, his friend and their friends. She took a liking to Rachel and her husband and it was mutual. Their evenings are spent playing Scrabble, discussing history, politics, foods they miss, places they'd visited and longed to visit, and books they've read. They invite her over for dinner weekly and soon Annie is part of their crowd of friends, which included Matthew Reynolds. The Musa's went to the church where he was working. With no family around the people drawn to the area have built their own family and Annie as an outsider, liked the affection, humor, and connection she observed within the group. But Annie still had her guard up and had not fully integrated into her new social circle.

One day Rachel and Annie visit the market together. "So what's your story Katie Porter? What brought you to Mali of all places?"

"No story, just want to make a difference and the people here need help, so I came."

"Really? Because had I not fallen madly in love with Bobby, I'd probably not choose to be in Mali, it's way too hot for me. I would have liked to be on the coast, maybe Tanzania. . ."

Rachel sees something in Annie. She's fit, unfazed by the unrest nearby, a quick learner, just blends right in and gets things done, she's good at connecting with the mothers and children and she loves holding babies. She's seen her run around the town, but she's also noticed the scars on her wrist. Rachel is curious about what brought Annie to Mali. "Are you sure it's just that and you're not running from something?"

Annie is taken aback by the question. She knew Rachel was intelligent and they were both closer in age than many of the other younger workers, they actually had a lot in common. Rachel had traveled the world as the daughter of a diplomat and knew a few languages though not as many as Annie. She studied anthropology and African Studies and was finishing up her dissertation, an academic. It was a path Annie might have taken when she returned from her travels had she not decided to apply for the CIA. Rachel fell in love with an African Muslim and much to the dismay of her very conservative Christian parents, she married him and followed him back to Africa where he wanted to devote his life to his people. Her family didn't attend her wedding and disowned her for her choice in spouse and work.

Rachel changed the subject since she saw Annie was uncomfortable. So you may have noticed, I'm expecting. Annie tries her best to be happy and surprised at the announcement. "Congratulations! I was wondering about that. When are you due?"

"In less than four more months. So I've been thinking a lot about things and the fighting seems to be moving closer to us. There was an attack on a village up north and now that it's more than just me to consider, I want to go back home."

"It would be safer there for you and the baby, but how does Bobby feel?"

"We've argued about it. He wants to stay. He thinks if life in Mali should be good for his own child and it would be sending the wrong message for us to flee. He doesn't want to leave his clinic and when I agreed to marry him, I agreed to this life."

"Does he think the fighting and rebel presence up north is a concern?"

"He grew up with it and he thinks things change so much he's not worried, but . . . after living here nearly five years, this time feels different to me. Maybe it's the hormones, but I'm not certain about the safety or the conditions of giving birth here."

"I think you need to talk to your husband and not me."

"You're about the only friend who is like me I've made here Katie, I think we're a lot alike and I just need someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of before I get into it with Bobby again. Doesn't any of what you see scare you?"

"Not really, okay, I'm listening," says Annie. "You're worried. . . ?"

Rachel replies, "You know what I am studying right? I've done the research for about five years now for my dissertation and this time around the conflict is more organized and real than it has been in the past. Women and children have been more negatively affected than before. The infant mortality rate is climbing and the girls are younger and younger, this place is going to hell soon and I don't want to be here when it does. I don't want my daughter to grow up seeing this."

Annie is wondering about Rachel and what she's revealed.

"Sounds like you know a lot about what's going on."

"I travel up north all the time to gather data and follow up on some of the subjects, I've lost track of so many of them over the last few months. The conflict and threats have made things really unstable, people are fleeing or worse. . . "

"What do you mean?"

"Three days ago when I was up north, we left a village that was burned to the ground, no homes were left. I knew several women there and their children. We couldn't find them."

"I haven't read about it, has the State Department issued any warnings to Americans?" says Annie wondering what was going on.

"Let's look at that stall, I always like the designs on their drums the best," Rachel says changing the subject.

"You know what? I'm sorry to burden you."

"It's no problem. I'm glad you trusted me enough to talk to me. You do have more than yourself to consider now, if you tell Bobby how you feel, if you tell him the truth, I'm sure he'll understand. Trust your gut."

"Thanks Katie. I have a friend I want you to meet one day. He's from the states too. You'd get along."

"No thanks, I'm not looking for any attachments. "

"Not in that way Katie!"

Rachel leaves Annie at the market and goes into an Internet café where she logs onto a secure site to email her contact.

_Potential date, not ready for approach yet, but if you want to Google her, Katherine Porter, she appears to be your "type" and plans on staying here, so maybe a blind date is in the future._

It turns out Rachel Musa is an asset for the CIA. She wants out even if she can't get Bobby to agree to leaving Mali, she's done collecting "data" for the CIA because she can't risk her life or her baby's going into the danger zones up north to take pictures or gather intel on what is going on with the rebel and militant groups she encounters during her anthropological research. She has sized Annie or Katie up and thinks she can get her to agree to take over her role in the area for the CIA.

Annie spends the rest of her day thinking about Rachel and her predicament. In her shoes, Annie should have done to same, protect herself and her baby.


	54. Chapter 54: Back on the Grid

**Annie Turns Up~About 8 months after Annie was last seen in D.C.; her whereabouts are now known though precarious.**

When Annie left D.C., she first went to Canada and from there went to Basel to work on her new cover and identity with Ben Mercer's help. She received some contacts from Chris McCauley in Africa before she left, but she didn't make use of any of them, instead she found her own gig preferring not to rely too much on her past. She hadn't gone to many places in Africa for the CIA and didn't know a soul in the area she was assigned, so she figured it would be a good place to disappear. It seemed natural to Annie to begin working in the non-profit sector, her desire to make a difference in the world drove her to apply for the CIA, now she was taking a different path to making a difference in the world. Perhaps one she should have taken to begin with.

Annie wound up in Mali where she fell in love with the people and babies and children she met with daily in her new role as a health care educator and translator. A few months into her new life she unwittingly got sucked back into a vortex she thought she had extricated herself from. She can't say she didn't have a choice. We always have a choice. Annie refused Rachael's request at first when she read her in on her work for the CIA. She wasn't an operative like Annie, just a source of data for the agency, she never had to carry a weapon though she was trained to use one. Rachael was approached by the CIA while she was traveling in West Africa as a student, they needed assets and she was just the right type to use her studies and travels as a cover. However, Rachael's marriage wasn't a cover, but over the years it was harder and harder to tell Bobby the truth, she was an asset for the CIA even before they met. She was afraid he would think their marriage was a lie, but it wasn't. She had given up far too much of her old life and parents approval for it to be a lie.

Annie and Bobby were making their rounds in the nearby villages to the south of their homebase when a call came through that Rachael had collapsed, she was about six weeks away from giving birth. They rushed to her back to the clinic where Annie and Bobby met her. She was dehydrated and the best course of action was bed rest for her low amniotic fluid. Bobby finally agreed that when Rachael was better she should return to the states to give birth.

Annie stayed with Rachael who told Annie that it was critical that her work continue, trouble was brewing up north and the CIA needed intel in real time. Rachael couldn't very well continue providing intel and there was no one else who was ready to do the work. By then, Katie's cover had been discovered by Calder Michaels who was Rachael's contact, when she sent him the message to look into Katherine Porter, he didn't learn much except the real Katherine Porter was no where near Mali and her picture didn't match the one Rachael had sent to Calder, her latest contact.

Calder had left the DPD and took a post heading a task force on the new Islamic insurgencies in Africa, ISIS was becoming a stronghold as well as smaller groups slowly taking over villages all over West Africa and trying to enact Sharia laws. His heart was always in the field and when it came time to go overt, he refused. Calder found this turn of events involving Annie interesting, but wanted to see it play out. He asked Rachel to keep trying to turn Annie, not letting on that he had a long history with her. Calder also knew that Ryan McQuaid had been looking for her, it was leverage he would use later with Annie if necessary.

Rachael gave Annie the history of what she had been doing and why it was critical to the safety of the women and children of the country. All the fighting and unrest mostly affected the girls and babies. More unrest would cause the next generation more suffering. Annie didn't want any contact with the CIA, she knew if she did this for Rachael she was risking being found out. Rachael needed Annie's help to continue her work, she was way too pregnant to traipse around the countryside tracking terrorists while acting as a anthropologist. She couldn't anyway without risking her baby. Rachael had no idea who Annie really was, but she knew her well enough to know that Annie or Katie Porter could do what she had been doing for the last five years. Annie leaves Rachael's bedside telling her she didn't think she was cut out for the type of work Rachael was doing. That was over a month ago. . .

Annie's hands are tied as she lays on the dirt floor in a darkened hut. She slowly wakes up unsure of how long she has been unconscious. She tries to remember what happened and slowly it comes back to her. She knew she had to free herself. She had no idea if anyone was coming after her. The mud hut she is kept in has little streams of light shining through cracks. She keeps looking around wondering how she is going to get out, looking for anything that can be used as a weapon before the panic sets in. She had gone for a couple of months without a panic attack and she felt one coming on. The darkness choked her, the restraints on her hands brought her back to her hell with Kravec, she started yelling for water, her heart racing. The door swung open blinding Annie with the light. She now knew from her position where the door was, a man came over and slapped her hard. "Quiet!"

"Water, please, I need some water."

He looked at her and grunted, then turned to leave.

A few minutes later he returned with canteen of water. He held it up to Annie and she drank furiously. It was hot and the water helped. "What do you want from me?"

"Money of course American woman."

With that he left Annie in the dark.

Joan, never one to let anything ruffle her, just got off the phone with Calder Michaels. They two had struck an unlikely friendship and considered each other allies. But Joan was pissed for the moment. She was not looking forward to her next call. Joan picks up her phone to call Ryan McQuaid into a meeting at Langley. It was a direct call to his cell.

When Ryan sees the number on his phone, he rolls his eyes, but he has to keep one of his biggest clients happy.

"Ryan, glad you picked up, I need you here at Langley as soon as possible."

"My schedule is packed today, I'm sure whatever it is, we can discuss it over the phone."

Ryan doesn't want to go back to Langley, he's avoided it as much as he could in the months since Annie disappeared. He finds it too painful, there are too many reminders of Annie there. Sometimes Auggie has a beer with him and Calder when he's in town. Calder left Langley and his post as DCS when news of his relationship with Stephanie surfaced. She died and he too wanted to escape DC. He took a job in Africa heading a new task force doing counter surveillance on Islamic militants and insurgencies. Ryan hasn't seen Joan or Calder in a professional capacity for the last few months. When Annie first disappeared he hit her up for intel and picked her brain, everything led to dead ends.

Joan says, "Trust me, you want to be here McQuaid."

"Joan, I have a lot on my plate today, if it's so important, I'm sending my second in command Jim over," says Ryan as he scratches his beard. Jim wasn't going to like it, he hated going over to Langley.

"That's all well and good, but you want to be here too."

"Joan, Langley can't afford to have two of McQuaid Security's top execs at the meeting. I have another meeting at State."

"Cancel it, I'm sending over a video to show you why you will want to be here. This is about an aid worker kidnapped by an unknown group to us. You are going to offer your services to the organization she works for to handle the K and R negotiations. It landed on my desk and it hasn't made it to the mass media yet, but I am sure it will and we need to prevent that. As you know kidnappings for aid workers are on the rise, used by militants to fund their operations. We can't let this one get in the open."

McQuaid is pissed, "Joan , you want me cancel an important meeting at State to talk about some do-gooder who was in the wrong place at the wrong time? Maybe it will teach idealistic college grads to steer themselves towards greater service like the armed forces. Who goes to a war torn region with God knows how many factions trying to dominate and doesn't expect to be in harms way? You know there's a lesson here about how to really affect change in this world. I say let the media get a hold of this one and teach these idiotic kids a lesson."

"Ryan, this isn't some 22 year old."

Ryan rolls his eyes, "So this kid belong to some VIP, I need to start managing and ass kissing?"

"Just watch the video NOW!"

Ryan is pissed off and he presses play with force on his computer. The video transmits on the big screen in one of Ryan's conference rooms. Though she looked different, Ryan recognized her immediately and plopped down in one of the many leather conference room seats. He saw, none other than Annie Walker, wisps of light brown hair escaped the scarf on her head. She was holding a newspaper with yesterday's date while a masked man held a machete like knife to her throat and another stood over her with an assault rifle. Annie looked about ten pounds thinner, there was a trail of blood running down the side of her face along her hairline and a busted bottom lip. The demand is two million cash for her safe return or she would be beheaded or sold to the highest bidder, whatever they fancied said the leader of the group. . .

Ryan can hardly hear as Joan says Algiers station chief intercepted the message as it was being uploaded at an Internet café. We got it this morning even before the agency she works for had time to open up their emails to view it. They are probably viewing it right now and trying to decide how to proceed before calling us. "Come over here now, we have a team strategizing her extraction already, but I'm contracting it out to you."

Ryan, still stunned, can't believe he finally knows where Annie is, all these months, did Joan know too? He has so many questions, but they would have to wait. He says, "Joan we're going to do this over the phone, I'm not going over to Langley, it's faster for us to be here in case we need to move on this."

"I'm waiting on Calder and Auggie to join in, give me thirty seconds."

Ryan replays the video and feels a mix of emotions. He replays the video of the rebel leader pulling off a black mask revealing a beautiful woman with a head covering. She looked much tanner in appearance, but it was Annie. It was her shaky voice reading the demand. She had a bloody lip that trembled as she read, but he noticed something right away, she was tapping on the newspapers she was holding. She was tapping a message. Six guards.

McQuaid stops and stares in disbelief. Again he's helpless while she's in danger. He wants to hold her and rescue her, protect her from further harm, forgetting the anger that he has allowed to build towards her so that he could move on. He had not laid eyes on her in eight months. The last two months, he really tried to move on. He had stopped looking for leads actively and now this. He is stunned into silence, his rant on idealistic NGO workers over. She looks about 10 pounds lighter and has bags under her eyes. Her clothes appear clean showing that she is either well take are of or early in her capture. His mind is in overdrive making lists of what needed to be done. Jim enters the conference room as Ryan replays the video again. "Jesus fucking Christ, is that Walker? What the hell?"

He realizes Joan is still on the other end, Ryan says, "I'll call you back after I make contact, what's the name of her employer?"

"African Maternal & Fetal Health Initiative."

"Jim, can you contact them and offer our K and R services pro bono?"

"On it."

Joan says with some irritation in her voice, "Wait, there's something you need to be read in on. There was a reason we came across this video. These kidnappings of aid workers and execs overseas happen everyday, but this one is different. We need to treat this as more than your run of the mill K and R. We absolutely cannot let this kidnapping hit the media, her story and cover won't stand up to the scrutiny and if they get wind that she is actually a spy, we won't get her out alive."

"What do you mean, she isn't a spy anymore."

Calder Michaels' voice came on the line, "Annie was supposed to provide some intel a day ago. When she missed the scheduled meet, it was a red flag, so we started tracking her movements prior to the drop and waited to see if she would make the contingency. We learned that her jeep broke down returning from a routine scheduled visit of encampments along the Algerian border. The doctor she traveled with walked to the closest village three miles away to get help, but when he returned she was gone. Based on information from the doctor and witnesses, we have pinpointed her possible location."

McQuaid is quiet, ran his hands through his beard. "Dammit Joan, she's there on a fucking covert op? You knew her whereabouts all these months and you kept it from me? I knew you knew something Joan, so help me, if you ever need anything from me again. . .Who else knew, Auggie is he there too? All these months of being my drinking buddy and helping me look and then trying to convince me to stop, shit! Did you know where she was?"

"Auggie and I only learned Annie's location about an hour ago." Says Joan giving Calder an angry stare. Auggie is in the room, but he's just too floored and worried about Annie for words.

"That's bullshit!" says McQuaid.

"Listen, if you're all done here, I need to get back to my desk and work on a plan to get Annie out," says Auggie forcefully. "You can hash all this out later." Auggie leaves the room.

Calder Michaels' voice comes on the line. "Ryan, I know the situation is difficult to comprehend, but let's focus on getting Annie back to safety without compromising her NOC as a health care translator and educator for the African Maternal & Fetal Health Initiative If it gets out it will jeopardize no only her, but the people she got close to here on the ground as well as the many other humanitarian workers under the employ of the CIA."

"We had beers together last month Calder. You lying SOB."

Calder says with his signature slow and low voice, "I will fill you in after we work up a plan to get Annie out safely, but I coerced her into this mission when she showed up on my radar about a month ago and I feel responsible for her predicament."

"Damn right you're going to fill me in. I'm going to get answers. I get all the intel you get in real time," demands McQuaid.

"Of course," responds Joan.

Ryan orders that they get all the info on Mopti region and border towns between Mali and Algeria. They get satellite imagery on that internet café and Annie's alleged last known location. Get the head of the African Maternal & Fetal Health Initiative on the phone. Tell them we will do everything we can to bring their employee back safely. I don't care if they have two million to spare or not, we have it. Then says, get a plane and a team of six men ready to leave for Mali within the next hour.

Ryan is on the phone nonstop trying to get the lay of the land in Mali and hearing all about Annie's work there.

Jim returns to Ryan's office,

"Son of a bitch, is it really her? Now we have a fucking name? Katie Porter? Shit Ryan. Now you're supposed to help her after all the crap she's put you through."

Ryan gives Jim one of his looks. "Yeah, we're going to help her. Are you in or not?"

Jim couldn't refuse being in the field so he was in, of course and he had questions for Annie Walker too.

Ryan and his team arrive on the ground in Mali and meet Calder at a safehouse in Mopti. The region while once insulated from the rebel activity and insurgencies farther north had become highly volatile.

Calder begins, "I know the intersection here. Reports of locals state a group of men brought a hooded figure in with hoots and hollers about 36 hours ago. The location is about 2 hours from here."

Ryan is pissed that Calder didn't tell him where Annie was all these months. During the drive to Annie's location, Ryan demands answers.

"Look, I didn't know until about two months ago that Annie was in Africa. I swear. It was all. . . happenstance. I had an asset, a valuable one here on the ground, she was an anthropologist married to the doctor Annie worked with at the clinic, she informed me that she wanted to leave Africa, wanted out, got herself knocked up and with the increasing violence in the area she and her husband were ready to peel out before she gave birth. My asset identified a woman she had a good feeling about who could continue work of collecting rebel activity and trends, be the new ears on ground. She met her four months prior when she joined the clinic as a translator and field health educator."

Calder stops and looks over. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I needed to know what Annie was up to."

"And?"

"She wasn't up to anything, just went as far as she could to start a new life. There was nothing else to it until my asset identified her as a replacement."

"Really, there was no one else available?"

"No one we have trained in the time we had, things were and are volatile in the region, I needed a seamless transition that didn't result in intelligence gaps."

"Still, you could have told me, if she had protection, this might not have happened."

"No one could have predicted her kidnapping, this incident has nothing to do with her role for us."

"So keep talking, tell me how this all came to be," says Ryan.

"My asset and her husband were kind of the social hub of the expats who worked in the clinic. They hit it off with this new arrival and spent a lot of time together outside of work. She took this woman under her wings. My asset assessed that this American understood language better than she did and was a quick learner. She was personable, athletic, intelligent, and seemed to be running away from something back home. I said I'd vet her, she gave me her name, stopped me cold when she sent me a picture. Katie Porter, a new alias for Annie Walker. I did some digging and learned Katie Porter was a translator and health care educator for women and children. Next meet, I told her that I had vetted her recommendation and would approach. I did and it wasn't a pretty reunion. She nearly took my head off when she found me inside her apartment, Her senses and reflexes are still in tip-top shape. Our girl is feisty, but a bit off her game. She had no idea that my asset was working for the CIA."

Ryan was listening intently, so Calder continued.

"She initially refused to work for us, she did so very adamantly when she turned down Rachael and I approached her. She said her days of working for the CIA were over, she was tired of lies, deception, hurting others, being the cause of pain, etc. . . She told me to "fuck off" and find someone else. I gave her some time to think about it, but then fate intervened as it always does. My asset died in childbirth about a month ago. I needed Annie, the CIA needed Annie to gather intel. Her hand was forced."

"And yet there was a time when you took her job away from her. How ironic that you found yourself needing her again to further your own agenda."

"No, I needed her to stop rebel insurgency and acts of mass killing against hundreds of women and children. Annie's first task was to find the intel Rachael was suppose to dead drop before she went into labor prematurely. She had names, finally names and photos of the men who were burning villages and kidnapping girls. Since she never made the drop, I tasked Annie with locating the intel."

"You didn't give her a choice."

"I was persuasive."

"You told her you'd tell me where she was didn't you?"

"Yes, but that's not what convinced her in the end. I could see in her eyes that she missed DC, missed home. She wanted to ask about you, Auggie, Joan, it took everything in her to tamp down her feelings. I wasn't the one who convinced her, Annie was there when my asset gave birth, apparently, she convinced Annie to do it for her, her family, so that one day her daughter could return to a peaceful Mali. You know our Annie, she won't pass up a noble cause, plus they became family to her."

Ryan is thinking about the family he was supposed to have with Annie, he was supposed to be her family. "Yeah, she always did put others above herself, even to her own peril."

"I know you think I'm an asshole and I feel terrible about what's happened to Annie especially given that she was held in captivity less than a year ago. I hope she psyche is strong, she's the same Annie in many ways, but there's a lot about here that's different too."

"What do you mean by that?"

I just mean, we better get her out ASAP. Not only because I need her intel, but because I don't think she can survive captivity. If properly vetted, she probably wouldn't pass muster to be a field operative. The girl has issues. . . she needs to work through them.

"Damn right she has issues, she's been through hell Calder! And now she's held captive again because of the CIA? God help me if she doesn't get out of this in one piece."

"She knew the risks and she agreed to them."

"You gave her no choice!"

"It's in her blood man, you need to accept that."


	55. Chapter 55: Negotiations

**Note: So close to that reunion! It's coming. **

**Chapter 55**

When they arrived in Mopti, McQuaid got on the phone again with the AMFHI's Executive Director, they were working with their kidnap and ransom insurance company to garner Katie Porter's release, but the looming threat that Katie Porter would be sold sex traffickers made them nervous. Their K & R insurance company took over communication with the kidnappers. They requested another more recent proof of life. McQuaid convinced her to carry on with the kidnappers, but that he would work behind the scenes to try to free her.

Auggie had already tapped into the phones of the Executive Director and their insurance company. He was providing real-time intel on the behind the scenes interactions.

"We can't let the K & R group get to Annie first, there will be too many questions. We need to take control of the situation and do our best to maintain her cover as Katie Porter," said Calder. "What's the news on that front?"

"I have all her employment files with the Initiative, we'll be ready to make her cover stand up to scrutiny. We've got her a mother and father here too, they have been looped into the 'negotiations' that happened while you were in flight," said Auggie, who was providing intel from his office at the DPD.

The NGO employing Katie Porter was advised to negotiate Katie Porter's release. But the executive director was troubled and worried that if his female employees were kidnapped and threatened with being sold into slavery or worse, it would be a terrible blow to the work of her organization so she wanted to pay the ransom not negotiate. The K & R consultants advised her against giving in so easily as it would endanger her other employees in the region as news spread that they were willing to pay ransoms. They were skilled at this sort of thing, it was the reason companies paid for K & R insurance, so they implored her to let them do their jobs. The director wanted to strip back the number of workers in the region, the State department had already issued travel warnings for Mali though Annie or Katie worked mostly in the safer Southern region.

McQuaid Securities worked behind the scenes and convinced the Executive Director that he could try to rescue Annie/Katie without incident and press involved. He would do so pro bono because her "fake" parents were friends of his, but she could not let her insurance company know about their arrangement. The executive director spoke with Katie Porter's family and they agreed to the arrangement so McQuaid Securities was given the go ahead to extract Annie.

The CIA had ascertained from the looks of the situation, chatter on the ground, and information collected from the doctor and nurse traveling with Annie at the time that her captors were too ill-equipped to be part of a larger more organized terrorist group like ISIS, al-Mulathamun Brigade, MUJWA, al-Qaeda or Ansar Dine, the predominant militant Islamic terrorists in the region. Judging from the way they grabbed Annie, they seemed to be one of the many loosely formed bands trolling the countryside for whatever they could get their hands on, they would then barter or sell the goods they stole to other groups with more money. All most of these men wanted was food and luxuries such a cigarettes, televisions, and cell phones. They wanted out of their own country too, to escape to the US or UK. This brought tremendous relief to Ryan, but he was still worried for Annie and would do so until she was in his presence. He hadn't allowed himself to go there yet, to picture seeing her in the flesh.

The various groups smaller bands in the area were like gangs fighting each other for territory and a piece of the spoils they raided from villages and opportunities like Annie's broken down jeep. They had to consider that a larger better equipped militants. If they got wind of Annie's capture they would for sure mount an attempt to kidnap her from her original kidnappers. It was critical to get to Annie first, before the K & R consultants actually hired by the Initiative and before the MUJWA or Ansar Dine realized they could nab Annie for their own purposes.

/

The sun was no longer directly overhead based on the movement of the light coming through the small openings of the hut. Slowly the interior of the hut cools by a few degrees, something to be thankful for. Annie needed water, but didn't want to draw attention to herself as she did earlier, the fewer interactions she had with her captors the better off she would be, she didn't want their hands on her or their voices in her head. Her present situation triggered memories of her ordeals in Russia and most recently in Cuba. Her awareness of her teetering psyche drove her to shake off her growing claustrophobia and nyctophobia.

Annie moves her body to be under a sliver of light and tries for what seemed like hours without success to free her hands inside the sweltering hut. Her lips are cracking and she's parched. Earlier Annie lost it, but she managed to collect herself through prayer and meditation, coping mechanisms she had picked up in the last few months as she tried to avoid medication for her occasional anxieties and insomnia. In the present moment, she knew she had to remain calm if she was going to have a fighting chance at getting out of her predicament. Her memory of what happened was fuzzy, but she was sure her capture had nothing to do with her ties to the CIA. Annie recalls the details of how she landed in the hut.

The jeep she was riding in with another local doctor and nurse came to a stop when it became overheated. It was her new route, she had to give up the safety of her route in the south with Dr. Baba, aka Bobby Musa in order to get closer to the rebellions and insurgency in the northern portion of Mali held by various splintered rebel groups. Everyone at the clinic warned her against taking the route, many foreigners began leaving the region and moved farther south away from the rebel held zone, but Annie had a job to do for Rachael, Calder and the CIA.

The doctor left on foot to find water and assistance in the next village leaving Annie and the local nurse to keep watch over the supplies and medicine in the jeep. They carried no weapons with them as per her employer's policy. Something Annie deeply regretted at the moment. They had a crowbar that she started to grab from the back of the jeep as they saw a band riding a beat up pick up truck and picking up speed in the distance. As soon as she saw the dust kicking up in the distance, she hid her camera's memory card and texted an encrypted message to Calder, but her signal was weak. As the pick up showed no signs of slowing down, Annie stuffed her phone into an opening in the car door. The nurse began covering her head and entire face only revealing her eyes and instructed Annie to quickly do the same. "They believing in Sharia law, quickly cover hair and face, we try to hide that you American. Only I talk okay?" Annie nodded and did as she was told.

When the band of men three men approached, the nurse spoke to them in a local dialect and tried to negotiate with them. They wanted everything in the jeep to sell as well as the jeep itself. The nurse continued to implore them to no avail, telling them the jeep was broken and that women and children needed the medicine on board. Annie followed about fifty percent of the quick exchange, but things were not going as planned, one man got into the driver seat of the jeep to start it. It didn't work, so they popped the hood and tried to assess the situation. Another said, "Forget it!" as they unloaded the jeep's contents and stripped it of its battery, which was still good.

Then the men started to grab the nurse and then motioned to Annie. Annie told them to stop, she said to leave the nurse, she was a great help to their people who needed it. As soon as she spoke another man pulled off her scarf and started hooting and hollering. "We have our gold here men!"

The rest of the men started hooting and even shooting in the air in jubilation. The nurse, said "No, no, please and they knocked her down."

"Okay, you go, we take this one." Annie struggled and as they spirited her away with the jeep's supplies leaving the local nurse shouting after them. Annie struggled with all her strength, she had managed to stay in shape after her body healed from her injuries, but she was unable to fight off her captors. One of them knocked her out as she heard another say, "Don't hurt her, we'll get more money for her if she's kept pure and in one piece." It was a little too late for that as Annie suffered a mild concussion. Blood trickled down from her head as one of her captors went to her and cradled her head in his lap. Annie looked up at him as fear filled her chest, it was the last thing Annie remembered before passing out.

/ /

The CIA tasked her with looking into the chatter on the growing violence and strength of Islamic militants in the region. There were reports, mostly unverified, of entire villages being slaughtered and women and girls taken. Rachael Musa had been collecting data and interviewing people in the villages of Northern Mali long before they were taken over by rebel groups, when they were just the front lines against their encroachment. She had been working on a longitudinal study, but she had just died less than a month ago during childbirth. It was a needless death, she went into what seemed like a normal labor, albeit nearly three weeks earlier than expected, but even her Duke medical school trained husband couldn't stop her hemorrhaging. There was no time to get her to the nearest hospital. Rachael bled to her death while holding her newborn daughter on her chest. Her last words were to implore Annie to make sure her life and work weren't a waste, to help Bobby care for Sabine, to make sure Bobby took her to the States as soon as he could, and to make sure she grew up to know that her mother loved her so dearly.

That day, the day Rachael died, Annie made contact with Calder to inform him that Rachael was gone. It was also the day she agreed to continue Rachael's work, but with conditions. Calder had to keep her identity and location from everyone back home, he had to guarantee her a new cover if needed, and lastly, she wanted to be done after this "favor." He readily agreed to her conditions.

Annie went on to remember the day Racheal and Bobby's baby was born about a month ago. Annie saw the tiny daughter daily at the clinic that was her primary workplace when not out in the field visiting villages and camps. She couldn't believe how small the baby girl was when she was born. The nurses and a few ex-pats including Annie worked together to take shifts caring for the newborn who was born at only five pounds and five ounces. But the delicate little girl grew stronger and gained weight despite not having her mother to nurse her. Dr. Bobby was distraught in the days that followed, he deeply regretted not leaving the country earlier as Rachael had wanted. The baby was a comfort to Annie, not a source of sorrow as she had feared. At first she didn't want to hold her, she thought the baby was too small, but once she held the teeny girl, she was smitten by her.

The sound of someone at the door startled Annie who was reminded of her present predicament. A man came in and stood in front of her. He stood and looked her over before handing her a newspaper, another one. He took a few photos of her. When he was done, he started to touch her necklace which hung just between her breasts, a small pearl encased in wire that hung on a silver chain, she had bought it to remember her son. As he played with the pearl and his fingers rubbed against Annie's skin, her head filled with images of Ivan Kravec touching her, she closed her eyes to convince herself that this was a different time and a different place, but the emotions she felt in that moment were the very same, she was taken back to a hell she worked so hard to forget the last eight months.

The man yanked off the pearl necklace startling Annie who had started to cry. He then reached down to her cheek and wiped away the tears that escaped Annie's eyes. He then took out his water bottle, opened it, and held it to Annie's mouth. Confused, but unable to resist, she drank from it. She drank as if her life depended on it and emptied its contents. He started touching her hair, he had probably never seen blond hair before. He was fascinated by Annie and took out his knife. Annie's heart raced as she shut her eyes tightly. They were supposed to keep her pristine and alive, these were kidnappers who wanted money, ideologues who would kill her in front of a camera to broadcast their message of revenge and terror. They didn't want to trade her for their brethren, their brethren were in NYC and London trying to live an immigrant dream. He took a lock of her hair and cut it off, carefully laying it in a cloth before another man called from outside. He loosened the ties on her hands and retied her with her hands in front of her instead of behind. He opened a second canteen and left it on the ground next to her. "Soon, you will be free, soon we get money." Annie's relief was apparent.

Annie was hopeful that the negotiations with her employers appeared to be successful. Calder might not even have received her message yet. Her phone was in hidden in the door of the jeep she was in and she hoped Calder got her message as soon as the jeep was towed or recovered and entered an area with a signal. She was supposed to hand off her intel earlier, perhaps Calder had been told she missed her drop and would be looking for her too. Her situation was for sure an "express kidnapping" judging from the amateurs who grabbed her. She hoped that the captor was right and that she would be free soon. She was beginning to crawl out of her skin.

Before she arrived in Mali she had a stop in Cairo, Egypt where she went through a weekend long orientation and training with a dozen other new hires about to go to various corners in Africa for The African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative. She looked over her shoulder the entire time she was in Egypt because McQuaid Securities had plenty of clients and therefore employees there. One of her workshops during the Orientation was on minimizing the risk of harm and kidnappings while working in volatile regions and how to handle oneself if in the unfortunate situation of being held captive. Annie was no stranger to being a prisoner, but being held for ransom was different from her previous experiences in captivity. Kidnap for the sake of ransom or extorting money was a whole different ball of wax.

Annie tried to tap into what she learned during her two-hour workshop on Personal Safety in Cairo. She recalled that 40 percent of all kidnap victims were unharmed and safe after a ransom was paid, but she found it hard to stay put and do nothing because that went against her training at the Farm. There she was taught that it was critical to get out in the first hour or her chances would diminish rapidly, however in this particular case, she was valuable to her captors, if her employers didn't come through with the funds, they would shop her around to other groups to get as much as they could for her. They meant her no physical harm beyond keeping her quiet, they would keep her alive because she equaled dollar signs to them.

Annie was just starting to pick up more and more of the local Tuareg language, but the many dialects and related languages spoken by the people in the region still tripped her up. She could hear her captors arguing about what to do and how to negotiate, one had feared that they asked for too much money, one said to wait and see the response from the employers. Another said his cousin's friend was a rich man and went to America with his 10,000 USD and was living in a mansion in NYC. Then another piped up about his second cousin who was able to get his entire family to London with his cut of ransom, and so the legends continued as Annie sat wondering how many more hours she would be stuck in the hut with her hands tied.

/ /

Calder gets off his satellite phone. He has covers made for himself and the team sent to extract Katie Porter. They are part of the African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative's headquarters and Ryan is his private security. Dex and Jim are two aid workers bringing supplies of infant formula, vaccinations, and water purification filters.

He had an operative from Morocco head to the region of Mali to see prepare papers for the group and to see if he could gather any new intel. By now Annie had been gone about 24 hours and they were awaiting a new proof of life.

"What's the word?"

"They appear to be amateurs, I mean they went to an Internet café for crying outloud. They have no means of uploading at their own location, probably nothing more than a moving campsite."

"What about on your end McQuaid?"

"Got the go ahead to extract, we have to do it soon because the actual K & R group asked for a new proof of life and as soon as they get it, they will set up the exchange and we need to get to Annie before that."

Auggie, "Calder's man corroborates the satellite footage we have, she doesn't come in and out, but they have been going inside with canteens. The last time, a guard carried what looked like a newspaper in his hand and left short of a canteen."

"That's where she's being held," said Ryan.

"We have no eyes on the prize, boys," says Jim fearing Ryan's emotions are in the way of sound judgment.

"What we have is good enough," says Calder. "based on the type of vehicle these men are driving and the area of the abduction and time of the videotape, we've pinpointed her location. We've got to get to her before. . . "

"Before what?" asks Jim.

"Any number of scenarios. . . they could change their minds and ask for more money, they could sell her like they threatened, in some markets, a blond American can fetch a lot of money, or there's the ever popular threat of another more organized group with more fire power stealing her so they can leverage her for their cause," says Auggie.

"That gives me an idea. The only approach is to just ride on up, it's flat and open, there's nowhere to hide and there's no element of surprise. . ." says Calder.

Ryan is quiet, it's dawning on him that he's so close to seeing her for the first time in a long time and he can't afford for any of this to go south.

"We need to get her out of this place, what are the Ansar Dine sporting these days? Get us some local clothing and an Ansar Dine flag."

"Sometimes Calder, you're a real genius," says Auggie.

"Don't load on the praise yet, we haven't got our girl yet," responds Calder. He feels utterly responsible for Annie Walker. She had given so much for the agency, he had come to respect her and he wasn't a man without compassion, especially since Stephanie Banks died. Calder left to escape her memory in D.C. so he also understood Annie's flight from D.C., and he hated putting her in the position he put her in. He needed Annie to get out alive, he didn't want another woman to die because of a decision he made.

They gear up and start heading out to the desert.

Calder has come to know the terrain and rattles off a plan. Calder checks in with Jim, Ryan seemed off point, "Is your boy going to be a liability out there? He seems lost."

"Don't worry, when the time comes, he'll snap out of it and get in mission mode," but Jim was equally worried.


	56. Chapter 56: End of the Bromance

**CHAPTER 56: End of Bromance**

**Note:** I love writing Joan and Auggie and Ryan and Auggie scenes. This wasn't part of my original outline, after Chapter 55 I had the rescue and reunion next, but then yesterday, I felt there had to be _more_ tension and behind the scenes between those who care for Annie. So here it is. . . Sorry to make you wait for that reunion between Ryan and Annie.

Joan and Auggie spent a few moments talking in Auggie's communications command center after they got off the phone with Calder and the team on the ground in Mali. Ever since Annie resurfaced, Joan had a difficult time concentrating at the DPD. She was pissed off at Calder Michaels, a man she had considered a friend and ally. . . he should have told her about Annie as soon as he discovered her whereabouts. Joan would have looped him in on the details of her torture at Kravec's hands and perhaps what really happened to her. If Calder knew he wouldn't have forced Annie's hand. Joan's stomach was churning, forcing her to take some Tums out of her suit pocket, it seemed she chewed them like candy these days. She was worried for her friend and former employee, she wasn't sure if Annie would be mentally strong enough to withstand this latest ordeal.

Auggie was also deeply troubled about Annie based on what Calder shared with them before he left for Mali. Ryan was not privy to the conversation. Calder's old asset Rachael Musa told him that Annie spent one night with them after a dinner party because the roads back to her place were closed due to security concerns. Distant gunfire could be heard from their home. During the night, Annie woke up in a sweat screaming from a nightmare. It was then that Rachael saw the scars on Annie's shoulder blades and back, peering out from her tank top, which she had stripped down to in order to sleep. Matt Reynolds, Annie's neighbor was also spending the night, he also rushed over to Annie and commented that the nightmares weren't new for Annie. None of them could go back to sleep afterwards as the sounds of gunfire and sirens filled the air, Rachael, Bobby, Annie and Matt stayed up talking and laughing about their childhoods. Rachael saw a sadness and lonliness in Annie despite her attempts at being cheerful. She later asked her about her nightmares and Annie didn't want to talk about them. She simply said, she had been in an abusive relationship.

Calder revealed that after that night, Rachael reneged her recommendation to Calder about the woman she had suggested could be approached and trained to gather intelligence on the rebel and militant activity in Northern Mali. Annie didn't seem as strong as she had thought and probably wouldn't be able to handle the work. Calder had not made contact yet, but he had already discovered that Katie Porter was Annie Walker. He told Rachael he would take what she learned about Katie into consideration, but they had no other options in the region.

Calder traveled to Mopti to stake Annie out himself. Not knowing what she was up to and unable to trust anyone else with her location, he watched her for a couple of days and searched her apartment. She was not doing anything in the intelligence field based on his assessment, but she did have what she needed to run if necessary and he knew he had to approach her before she ran again. He waited for her in her apartment one night. He wasn't a welcomed sight, Calder left out the details of their reunion.

Calder told Auggie and Joan that there was much about Annie that was the same, but underneath her tough exterior, there was a fragility he had never seen in her before. When he searched her apartment, he informed them that he found pills for depression, anxiety, and insomnia in her medicine cabinet. They looked largely unused, but the fact that she had them concerned him. The panic he saw in her eyes when he threatened to reveal her location was something he regretfully leveraged against her. He had shared all this information with Auggie and Joan because he wanted to make sure she received help after her return. He wouldn't be back in Washington to follow-through, he had to return to his post in Africa. With that information, Calder left for Mali with McQuaid.

The tension between everyone involved was palpable and didn't dissipate with Calder's exit hours ago. Auggie worked nonstop to gather intel while the extraction team flew into Mali.

After he and Joan get off the phone with the team on the ground (previous chapter), Joan remained in Auggie's command center.

"Joan, tell me you didn't know where she was," said an exhausted Auggie who had been working non-stop on intel to support the extraction team and solidifying Annie's cover. He would give anything to be on the ground with them, to be in the thick of things, but he had to settle for working at a desk in D.C. While he had accepted his blindness, it was in moments such as these when he was most needed by those he cared for that he resented the hell out of his disability. He was taking some of that out on Joan.

"Um, I'm going to step out into the break room for some doughnuts if anyone needs me," interjects Barber, not wanting to be there when things blew up between his boss and his big boss, he was terrified of Joan Campbell. Joan waits for Barber to be out of earshot before speaking.

"Auggie, I'm still your boss and while I try my best to keep you in the loop about matters that affect your job and your operatives, I can't always be forthcoming with you. You understand the nature of our work, of the agency, but believe me, I had no idea she was engaged in work for the CIA. Calder kept me out of the loop too."

"You gave her the legs to disappear didn't you? You tasked Ben with helping her, he's still working some off the books black bag operations for us isn't he?" It was the first time Auggie asked her these questions point-blank and his tone was filled with accusation.

Joan deflected, "This is a stressful time for all of us, so I'll excuse your tone August."

Auggie looks away, Joan can see the lines that have developed on his face over the years she's known him and softens towards him, she always had a soft spot for Auggie. He was one of her best and favored operatives before his sight was taken away from him. She promised to always make sure there was a place for him at the CIA as long as she was around because she felt responsible for his injury. He was pissed off at the agency over Tash and went back out on a tour causing him to lose his eyesight, Joan tried to make up for it in the subsequent years.

"Auggie, I'm worried about Annie and I know you are too. We're the people who know her, you've known her since Day 1. I want Ryan to take it easy on her, let her ease back before he questions her. Can you talk to him?"

Auggie was always loyal to Joan because she had put so much trust and confidence in him. He wanted some answers, some truthfulness, but it wasn't the time and he like Ryan wanted answers, but he knew Joan was wise in her assessment. They couldn't come down on Annie too hard. "I'll talk to him," sighs Auggie.

Joan leaves and Auggie takes a moment for himself before picking up the phone.

Auggie picks up the phone to dial Ryan's satellite line. Emotions are high and Ryan is pissed at Auggie's condescending attitude and assumptions. He's pissed at the agency and right now Auggie represents Langley in Ryan's eyes.

"How many times have I seen you since Annie disappeared?" demanded Ryan.

Auggie rubs his temples and responds, "I don't know what you're getting at."

"I had a feeling you here hiding something. You knew way more than you let on. Shit Auggie, I thought we were friends," said McQuaid. We are friends thought Auggie who had many comrades in all corners of the world, men he considered brothers and Ryan had become one of them.

"I didn't know where she was until minutes before you were looped in, that's the truth."

"I don't believe you or anything your agency has to say, you son of a bitch!" yells McQuaid,

"Look man, sorry you feel that way," responds Auggie. He was going to need some of the Tums from Joan after this was all over.

"There's no precedent, God damn it, this isn't the reunion I was hoping for," shouts Ryan over the noise of the open air jeep.

"We've found that she's spent the last seven months in Mali working at a clinic serving women and children. Nothing else, but an aid worker. The CIA had no idea she was there, what Calder said is true. It just happened that an asset Calder took over was married to one of the doctors Annie worked with. She didn't leave with the CIA's help."

"She really went as far as Timbuktu to get away from me." Ryan still couldn't believe after all these months of looking, of hoping, of losing hope, and of missing her culminated in this latest discovery. He was still in shock and didn't know how to deal with the jumble of reactions he was having.

"Yeah, she did and that's telling. Look, I know you're still processing all of this, we all are, but I want to make sure Annie gets the space and time she needs. You know how hard re-entry can be when returning to civilian life from combat. Think of her time away as a tour of duty and give her time to decompress before. . ."

"Before what Anderson?" replied McQuaid sharply.

"Before you launch into a load of questions and interrogate her about leaving. Can you do that for me? For her?"

"Oh Langley wants to get their claws into her first, is that it?"

"I'm only thinking of Annie, put her first McQuaid, not your need to get answers."

"What do you think the last eight months of my life has been all about? It's been all about her and _'putting her first'_ as you put it. Do you know what I've been through? Fuck you Anderson!"

Auggie takes a deep breath, this conversation isn't going the way he had pictured. Damn Joan for making him do this. "This situation isn't going to be a walk in the park for any of us, just take it easy on her," pleaded Auggie.

"What happens where Annie and I are concerned is no longer any of your business," and with that the line went dead.

Auggie didn't know what he expected at the outset of that uncomfortable call. If he were in McQuaid's shoes, he'd probably feel the same way. Hell, he wasn't too happy with the way the CIA handled Annie either. Sometimes he wondered why he was still at Langley, but he always realized that no other agency or organization would want a blind man. . .


	57. Chapter 57: The Rescue & Reunion

**Chapter 57**

**This is the longest chapter. Stay with me. I didn't want to break it up and leave you all in suspense. . . I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! THANKS for reading folks!**

Note: Flip back in time to plane ride from DC to Mali.

McQuaid spent much of the plane ride learning about Mali and trying to commit to memory the maps and satellite imagery of the terrain Auggie had provided. He'd been in many countries in Africa, but he had never been to Mali. Mopti is reasonably stable having been able to fight off the rebels, but the climate was constantly shifting in the unstable country. "Why the hell did you choose to go there of all places?" wondered McQuaid.

As he tried to prepare for the mission, Ryan couldn't help being distracted by reading the reports of what Annie had been doing for Calder or the previous intel on the dangerous trends in the region gathered by the woman who had by a twist of fate befriended Annie, named Rachael Musa.

As his mind wandered to thougths of Annije, Ryan opened up a folder of pictures he kept on his laptop. He had few pictures of Annie and even fewer of the two of them together, but the ones he had captured her radiance and spirit. Ryan connected to his plane's WiFi and studied the African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative, learning about the organization's mission and core values. A part of him wasn't surprised that Annie had chosen to do humanitarian work. Early on in their relationship when she considered what she would do if she were cut loose from the CIA due to her heart condition, she had mentioned something about needing redemption. He concluded the work for the Initiative was the core of who she was meant to be, he had committed her life's history to memory, had Annie not been recruited by the CIA, she would have done exactly what she had been doing these last months. Annie was meant to be an _agent_, just not one for the CIA. She was meant to be an _agent of change_, this was her true calling and being a spy was a detour she was never meant to take. Annie Walker was meant to do something for the greater good of humanity instead of solely, the United States of America's interests. Then again, if that were the case, would he have had the good fortune or the misfortune of being drawn into her orbit? Ryan closed the folder of pictures he was looking at and went back to the maps and situation reports. Jim sat in diagonally across from Ryan and could see his screen, Jim's face couldn't hide his dismay. He went to talk to Calder about his boss, it felt like disloyalty at first, but the mission was more important than loyalty at the moment.

Ryan avoided both Jim and Calder during the long plane ride from Virginia to Africa, he was outraged at Calder's handling of Annie and didn't want to risk getting into a fistfight with him prior to rescuing her. As for Jim, he gave Ryan an earful after they found out Annie had resurfaced. Jim didn't want Ryan to be involved with the plan to rescue her, fearing his judgment was too clouded. And Jim felt he was justified when he spied Ryan reading up on Annie and looking at his photos of her on his laptop. The man wasn't in the frame of mind needed for a mission like the one they were about to embark on and shared his thoughts with Calder.

/ / /

**On the Ground in Mali**

From the moment the crew of four arrived in Mali, they could sense the tension in the air. Many NGOs and embassies were sending home or recalling to headquarters all non-essential personnel because the rebels were dangerously close to areas that were previously unaffected by the militant Islamic factions. The government of Mali was already weak, disorganized, and ineffective to begin. Thus their ability to quell the insurgency and the many local bands of opportunistic young men raiding and looting was nearly non-existent. The French government had sent some troops in to support the government, but things were chaotic. The frenzy and fear in the air was nothing new to the men from McQuaid Securities or Calder, they had been in many similar environments throughout their careers.

The weakened central government of Mali attempted to fight the insurgencies and regain control of portions of the country they had lost in recent months, but the three more organized rival militant fought each other for the little resources available in the northern region and the government was unable to control them. "I tell you, Annie is lucky and we are too that she wasn't taken by the Ansar Dine, MUJWA or al Qaeda in the Islamic Magreb. It would have made our mission nearly impossible," said Calder.

"Lucky would have been to not get nabbed at all," said Ryan. "She's been anything, but lucky throughout her tensure at the CIA," replied Ryan harshly.

"Yeah, she'd probably get beheaded if one those raghead groups got her," said Jim matter-of-factly causing Ryan to bristle.

"Boys, we've got to blend in, with folks leaving and us coming, it looks suspicious, not only do we have the climate, insurgents and the risk management group to contend with, we've got French troops on the ground and no authorization to be in country," rattles off Calder.

"Good thing we're bringing all these medicines and supplies, we're good at blending in, it's not our first walk in this park," says Fitz.

Through his contacts and McQuaid's cash, Calder managed to secure a safehouse. Ryan is taking it all in, trying to be alert and focused on the mission fighting thoughts of Annie, but picturing her as a prisoner in the harsh environment of the desert caused him a tremendous amount of angst.

They settle in quickly and set up their safehouse while the McQuaid crew runs through their plan. Calder who is better able to blend in, goes out with his local contact to secure their vehicles and local garb as they plan on dressing as members of the organized and powerful militant group the Ansar Dine. While Calder-still considered an outsider-is gone, McQuaid's core, Jim, Fitz and Dex discuss the extraction plan with McQuaid. "We were thinking of mixing it up, I'll go in with Calder and Fitz. You and Dex stay at the rendezvous point."

Ryan's jaw clenches as he gives Jim a look that could kill. "What's this about?"

Jim who has known McQuaid the longest and was the same rank as Ryan before leaving the NAVY bravely launched into the what he prepared to say earlier.

"We've worked a ton of K & R gigs together, you know what you're doing, none of us doubt that."

"But?" asks Ryan gruffly.

"But, this is Annie, you're too connected to this, to her. . .and Calder, well both Calder and I have reservations about your ability to act without blinders on. . ."

"We're NOT having this conversation Jim. I'm going in with Calder and you, that's the end of the discussion. If you have problems with going in with me, you can trade positions with Fitz or Dex."

"Ryan, you look a thousand miles away, everything is under control boss, sometimes you need to trust that others can get the job done, you're distracted and I have reservations that she's actually at the location, but I'm here risking my ass, we're all here for you more than _her_."

"Let's run through the scenario one more time, same configurations," orders Ryan, completely disregarding Jim.

It's clear there's no talking him out of being point man. Jim mutters obscenities under this breath. Annie Walker was not his favorite person at that moment. He had a ton of questions for her and planned on getting answers.

When Calder and his local contact return with the equipment and disguises, Fitz and Dex check the jeeps. They do a practice run as vehicles in the area are prone to defects and notoriously unreliable, after they make some fixes to their vehicles, they run through the plan again.

"You talk to your boy?" whispers Calder to Jim.

"As you can see, he didn't budge," says a dismayed Jim.

"I can't say I blame him," says Calder who would have done the same and had done so for Stephanie Banks. He went on a tactical mission in D.C. pissing off his boss.

In his booming voice, Calder relays new intel, "We got a ping on Katie Porter's phone. The jeep she was in has been recovered and brought back to the clinic. Sure as hell the risk management team working on her case for the Initiative will have that knowledge soon too, she sent me a message from her personal phone."

"What does that mean?"

"Means Auggie and his team are working hard to hack into her phone to delete her SOS to me and conjure up a history of phone calls to Mom and Dad and friends back home. It means we better get to that phone and more importantly Annie before the ransom exchange."

"It's do or die, the risk management team assigned to Katie Porter has just amassed the funds now with the Initiative, they received a new proof of life and are arranging their meeting point soon."

"The 4 x 4s are locked and loaded," says Dex.

"We move on out in five minutes, lets get our girl before she's moved or one of the real militant groups gets wind of what these amateurs have on their hands, every one of them looks at Westerners as a dollar signs," commands Calder.

/

Ryan steels some time alone before they move out. He goes to the small bathroom and splashes the warm water from the faucet on his face, in couple of short hours, he would see her again, he looked at himself in the mirror and he began to talk to God. Something he started to do again during Annie's absence. In his absolute lowest point, he went back to his childhood prayers and faith. Surprisingly, the words he learned as a young boy came back to him with ease.

_"Lord, thank you, thank you for keeping Annie safe all these months. Thank you for revealing her to me, I'm eternally grateful for your faithfulness and believe in your power to answer my humble requests. Lord, what do I say to the woman I've been obsessed with, the woman I thought I'd never see again, the woman who saved me when I should have saved her? I recently began resenting her for leaving me alone to grieve not only our son, but her as well. Lord, help me to understand your plans and your timing, help me forgive her. I ask for wisdom Father in Heaven. I love her, I still love her, but does she love me? Please protect her until I am within reach of her, give me a sign, tell me what to do. Lord, provide my men and me safe passage. I prayed to you, my Lord and St. Anthony and is this your answer? If so Lord, if we are meant to be, Lord, let her return to me fully. In Your Son's Name, I pray. Amen._

Just as he began to go back to a normal life, she showed up again. Ryan asked himself as much as he asked his God over the last day, what does this mean?

Ryan emerges from the bathroom to meet the stares of the four men. "Let's go!"

They load up and the drive through the dirt roads of the arid land. The drive is filled with silence. It's typical for missions like these, each man listening to his own music or lost in his own thoughts, trying to focus or not focus on what was about to happen, every man had his own rituals. . .

**The Rescue & Reunion**

At the rendezvous point, the three men entering the camp, don their disguises and drive ahead after refilling their tanks. The other two, Fitz and Dex stay with their jeep as aid workers and monitor from a distance, there are French troops on the ground, but the large expanse of land made it unlikely they would come across McQuaid's group, at least that was the hope, but the boys have covers ready.

Ryan, Calder and Dex, speed up as they reach Annie's location. They make a loud entrance into the makeshift camp. Masked and wearing clothes like they were Ansar Dine rebels worked like a charm. Upon hearing the commotion, Annie frantically tries to free herself. Something was going on and she couldn't tell what it was, but it didn't sound good. She had to get out.

Calder is the only one who speaks Tuareg and commanded the four skinny young men onto their knees. Jim zipties them roughly while Calder heads to the hut the apparent leader motions to. Ryan notes that there should be two more men at the camp and motions to Calder and Jim.

Calder finds a defensive Annie, he cuts her loose from the wooden support her torso has been tied to and picks her up to her feet. Annie is terrified, questions run through her head about what was going on. Though weak, she is using all her strength to fight a masked Calder who had yet to speak to her. The men ran through the extraction with minimal talking.

Jim raids what little is left of the camp and loads what little he found onto the jeep. In one hut he found another young man cowering and drags him out. He motions to Ryan that five men have been accounted for. He also disables the pick up he found at the camp by taking the battery.

As Calder drags her out of the hut roughly he says to the guards in Tuareg, "She's ours now." Annie is initially blinded by the sunlight as she continues to fight Calder's grip on her, then the man surprises her, his voice when he spoke to her kidnappers. She knew that voice. Then in a barely audible whisper, he says, "Keep playing along Helvetica, the Sheriff's here."

Annie's brain starts going in overdrive and her emotions went from complete terror and anxiety to relief. That was her call sign, her code name, at the agency. And the voice, the Sheriff, was Calder. He had gotten her message. Her eyes began to water, perhaps from the adjustment to the sunlight or was it because when she looked straight ahead continuing to struggle as she had been commanded, her eyes made out another man with a familiar stance and build holding an AK-47, ready to fire. He like Calder wore a scarf like men of the region. She had learned a lot about the region and identified them as Ansar Dine.

On the familiar figure, a wrapped scarf covered his entire head, face and neck minus his eyes. Annie meets his gaze and she briefly recognizes or thinks she recognizes those eyes. She blinks and he's no longer there, maybe it was the heat or the sun playing tricks on her. No, it couldn't be, he has no idea where she is, unless Calder told her, but Calder made her a promise. The Sheriff's voice stirs her, because she had stopped struggling momentarily, "Play along and we may just get out alive." Annie snaps out of it and starts writhing pleading in French and Tuareg alternately to be freed. At the same time she tries to keep track of surroundings and looks for the other man.

Ryan or Scout Master, his call sign, saw something in the distance and sprang to action. It was the sixth man. He takes out a guard with the handle of his AK-47. The man came running from out of nowhere, there were holes around the camp, dug into the dry soil to stay cool and to act as hiding places. It was the captor who recently provided water to Annie, but also took her necklace and a chunk of her hair.

Annie breaks free from Calder and runs to the man who is lying down on his side, next to the man who put him there. She pummels him, her anger towards all the guards and her kidnapping coming through. Something unleashed inside her, the two men were surprised at the strength of the fragile woman as they pulled her off. Then she hears _his _voice ask heatedly, "Did he hurt you?"

Annie doesn't say anything, her hands are shaking and she has a blank look on her face, she can't process the voice. Meanwhile, the man who had inadvertently tortured her mentally was groaning. It made Annie realize where she was in that moment. She looks at the man on the ground and with her still tied hands, grabs the piece of cloth peering from the pockets of his shorts. Calder broke the silence and grabbed Annie's still tied hands, "Come on let's go." With that he puts a black bag over Annie's head and roughly leads her to the waiting jeep where Jim is at the wheel.

"Take her ahead," says Ryan.

Ryan stays back with the man Walker attacked with fury. He continues to beat him, taking out all his aggressions on the man, then shoots him in the leg. And leaves him there in a heap. Next he approaches the line of men Jim had ziptied and knocks them all out with the butt of his AK-46. Calder looks back, shaking his head, "Move! Move! Move!," he says as he drags a visibly shaken Annie towards the jeep.

Calder sticks Annie in the back of the jeep as Jim peels out towards Ryan who climbs aboard. They speed away with Jim driving, McQuaid's gun is trained on the road behind and Calder taking the left and right. He's trying his best to focus on the terrain when all he wants to do is take a good look at Annie and make sure she's okay. He still hasn't figured out what he's going to say first. When they are a good distance away and sure they were not being followed, Calder cuts Annie's hands free and takes off her mask. "Stay down," says Calder handing her a bottle of water.

Jim looks back and sees the mess of the woman and says sarcastically, "Well, I'll be damned, she's alive!" Annie hasn't said a thing. She's in a mild state of shock and disbelief, was she really rescued? Was Ryan really standing just inches away? Her relief at getting out of that hut was replaced with shock and panic, what now? How was she going to get out of facing him?

"What the hell? What happened to no shots fired?" demanded The Sheriff.

"Just something I had to do," says Scout Master firmly.

Jim radios ahead, "Baby Daddy, this is Bluegrass, approaching in 10." Jim whose family hailed from Kentucky and owned distilleries played Bluegrass unabashedly, hence his moniker.

"Roger that Bluegrass, you have the package?" asks Dex who has been affectionately called Baby Daddy and sometimes Baby Face because not only was he the youngest member of the team, he had his first kid when he was only 23 and now at 30 was the father of three little girls. He still looked like a college kid and was always carded when out of the boys.

"Package Indigo Hotel, repeat Indigo Hotel." Meaning package "in hand."

"Got that HQ?" asks Baby Daddy.

Auggie, Barber and Joan heard loud and clear. Everyone in the room breathed a collective sigh of relief. Auggie got up and fist pumped Barber. Joan had been around for too many of these tense moments. She recalled when she and Annie awaited news of Auggie's safety when kidnapped in Eritrea, then the time she awaited news of Annie during Eyal's attempts to save her from rotting in Russia, then there was Annie's rescue from Kravec and now her kidnapping in Mali. Always stoic, Joan collected herself and said, "You're not out of the woods yet, get her out of that hell hole and let us know when you're all in the air."

Auggie stops celebrating with Barber because he hears a call on another line, the line of the Executive Director of the Initiative that he had tapped. "The risk management firm just contacted the Initiative to say they hadn't heard back from the kidnappers and they're growing weary. McQuaid needs to send word that Annie is safe so they stop mucking around."

It was the last thing Calder needed, he wanted to wait and get Annie cleaned up more to minimize questions before sending a photo. "The Sheriff heard you loud and clear," responds Calder.

"Hear that Scout Master? You gotta quell the concerns."

Ryan nods. It seems safe enough to lower his weapon. He takes out his cell phone and sends a message to the Executive Director of the African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative and Katie Porter's fake parents. It simply reads, "Safe and sound, will call once in air."

Then she hears his voice again, "Bought us some time. But the sooner we get out of his shit hole the better, right?" He directed the question to Annie and looked down at her, she was starring up at the sky, thanking God for getting her out of there, but wondering what was going to happen next. She couldn't return to the life she had, she didn't know how she was going to face Ryan, she never expected to see him again.

About a fifty clicks away, they meet another jeep, loaded with medical supplies as if it belonged to aide workers. Upon seeing Annie, Baby Daddy aka Dex gives Annie a huge hug as does Fitz, aka, Roadrunner. Then they go to work hiding the weapons that were used during Annie's rescue and burning the Ansar Dine disguises. Things move rapidly, but Annie moves slowly, still stunned and unsure of all the commotion around her.

"She allright?" asks Bluegrass getting his first good look at Annie. He hadn't greeted her warmly the way Fitz and Dex had and had only referred to her in the third person. A brief moment of compassion for her takes over as Jim sees the state Annie is in, he had done some work rescuing trafficked women and she had that same look of shock he saw in them when they were recovered. It was a mix of distrust and uncertainty, still fearing that their nightmare wasn't truly over, that their rescue was a dream.

"Get up, time to freshen up Katie Porter. You need to look like you were just stranded, not kidnapped," says Calder as he tosses her a bag with fresh clothes and a head scarf. Annie clutches the bag and looks around, there's nowhere to go for privacy from the five men around her. Jim feeling goodwill towards Annie for the first time in ages says, "Here, come behind the jeep to change, we're all busy, you gotta hurry." Then he turns to Calder, "This one's clear of weapons and ready to head to the clinic."

"See you stateside Helvetica," says Dex aka Baby Daddy. He heads to the jeep with the stowed weapons where Fitz is adding gas to the tank and checking the coolant levels. The plan was that Dex and Fitz would leave for Cairo for their next assignment, the fewer men around the better.

Once he stowed away his weapons, Ryan unmasks himself. He waited, he was the last one to take off his disguise. Annie is still stunned and disoriented and out of breath. He closes his eyes and opens them, just to make sure it is actually her standing there, disheveled, dirty, yet the most beautiful sight he could imagine. They look at each other for what seems like a long time before Annie says to Calder, "No one else was to know where I was."

Jim is stunned and pissed, his brief feelings of compassion for Annie out the door, while Ryan is hurt. Jim gets up in Annie's face and spits out, "Jesus Christ, we just saved your ass from God knows what they would have done to you and all you care about is that you can't hide or run? That's what you have to say after the eight months of hell you put him through?"

Ryan comes to her defense, remembering Auggie's plea, "Lay off her Jim, I mean it."

"Don't go batshit crazy on me when she runs off again," says Jim as he tosses his disguise and heads towards the other jeep to stow his weapons.

Ryan approaches Annie, he reaches out to touch her head where he saw a gash. He had let himself be that angry with her in recent weeks, but when he saw her lying on the floor of the jeep looking so vulnerable, all he really wanted to do was hold her and kiss her. But Jim did say what Ryan feared, that she would want nothing to do with him.

Annie shies away from his touch and looks down, "Thank you, it's not that. . .I'm grateful, I am, I wasn't going to last much longer in there. Just Calder wasn't supposed to let anyone know where I was."

Calder interjects, "Couldn't be helped Walker, it got on Joan's radar since you were one of her operatives and she looped Rambo here in before I could say Sylvester Stallone. That should be your new call sign, man. You better hope no one registered the shots."

"We're more than an hour away and no one's come after us, Auggie would have alerted us if satellite footage showed anyone giving chase," says Ryan defensively.

"Auggie? He knows too and Joan?" questions Annie who is feeling light headed at all the news hitting her.

Calder nods. The look on Annie's face was one of pure defeat and worry.

Ryan is hurt that Annie didn't appear happy to see him, instead she was more worried that she had been found out. He had rehearsed in his mind thousands of time what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. When their approaching reunion became a reality during the last day, he replayed seeing her in his head like a slow motion film and this wasn't how he saw it playing out. He wanted to embrace her and soak her in, but now wanted to shake her and ask her a hundred questions. It was a scene, he imagined, but didn't believe would ever happen. Ryan became speechless as he stares at Annie.

"I. . .your eyes, I thought I was looking at your eyes, but didn't want to hope. . . then I heard your voice," said Annie who is holding her hand to her head as she clutches the bag Calder had thrown her earlier. "This is a lot to take in, I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm not ungrateful, really, I'm just feeling confused by. . ."

She left her words hanging, but doesn't expect that he would rush to her, closing the distance between them. He pulls her small thin body towards him and puts his hands to the back of her head, bringing her face to his, he kisses her gently before hugging her for a long time. She's stunned, surprised he doesn't hate her. At first her body is still, because it really was stiff from being tied up and lying on the floor of the jeep, but gradually she softens into his sweaty and strong frame. She lets him wrap her up in his arms and she begins to feel safe again.

She notices his beard scratch her neck, digging into her skin.  
>"You grew a beard."<p>

"I thought I'd never see you, I thought you were dead until the letter," says Ryan softly as he holds her head with his big strong hands and steps back to take her in.

Calder gave them a minute and then said, "Let's save the reunion for later!"

Annie frees herself from Ryan's grip.

"Go change already and get into the jeep with the others." Annie goes behind the car where she changes into khaki hiking shorts, a white tank, and expedition shirt. She washes her face with a wet cloth and puts her hair up before tying the scarf around her head. When she re-emerges, Ryan looks her over and says, "You don't look so healthy, did the bastards feed and water you?" Annie is still adjusting to the sunlight. Her pallor is pale. He tosses her some Carmex from his pocket. She smiles. "I could have used this yesterday."

She puts some on her cracked lips, Annie's voice is a bit shaky. "They barely had enough food for themselves, once some porridge came, there was water twice, it's how I marked time."

"First thing we do is get you checked out, then we'll get some real food in you," says Ryan gruffly, he's not sure what to do with his emotions, he is still a mix of happy, angry, relieved, hurt, and also thankful. But he wants to make sure she's real and this isn't a dream. He snaps a picture of Annie and texts it to the Executive Director. "Here, call your fake parents, Mr. and Mrs. Philip Porter."

Calder says, "Ok, I'll meet you at the rendezvous in about two hours give or take."

Annie looks puzzled, "Where are you going?"

"Back to the clinic to try to turn Dr. Musa and offer these supplies and meds. We lost another asset in the region and I can't afford that at this juncture, things are at a turning point here in Mali, the three groups are poised to do serious damage with the lack of a strong government and will to fight militant jihadists and drug and human traffikers. He's the CIA's best shot for eyes on the ground here," says Calder.

"I'm going with you," says Annie with certainty. She is regaining voice and objective.

"No chance Walker, I'm not letting you out of my sight," says Ryan with some harshness and worry in his voice.

"He doesn't know you from Adam, how do you think you're going to turn him, just show up out of the blue and say, 'hey wanna spy for your dead wife's country?' He trusts me, I've known him since I landed here, I spent nearly every work day with him, his wife, we had dinner together at least once a week, if anyone can turn him it's me," says Annie in her signature fast speech.

Calder is thinking. Jim comes back to the jeep from the other one wondering what the hold up is.

"And I can't leave here without saying goodbye to . . ."

"To who? You didn't do me the courtesy of a good-bye," accuses an incredulous Ryan.

"I deserve that, but I grew attached to. . . my life here. I'm sorry if that hurts you."

"You look horrible and you're not in tip top condition, (looking over an Annie who was at least 10 pounds lighter than she needed to be) you can't risk going with Calder, we just told your folks and the Initiative you were safe, end of story, get in the jeep!"

Annie goes into mission mode and tries to diffuse the situation with some humor and charm.

"I haven't had time for personal grooming, I was tied up remember. I need to do this, it will be my last act of service to the CIA. I will be at the rendezvous, all I want is a burger, a beer and a long soak in a bath, trust me."

"Trust her?," questions Jim who had approached and overheard the exchange.

Calder says, "Look Annie's instincts are spot on as usual, I need her to turn Dr. Musa into an asset fast. The window's closing, we need to move NOW."

Ryan is reluctant, "Damn it, I don't trust the CIA and you Calder have used Annie enough. Whose to say, you won't have her disappear into the abyss for another mission?"

"She's burned here, she's of no use, the kidnappers know where she works, I can't have her stay here and I've never had to twist her arm to do anything for the agency."

Ryan says, "Then I come too."

"Jim you go on ahead, clear the safehouse, turn the weapons we don't need over to Calder's contact, get Fitz and Dex to their plane, then we'll meet you at the air strip."

"No, you're coming with me boss, I'm not leaving you in this shithole, them two, I could care less about."

"Watch it," says Calder. "She's a patriot just like you and doesn't deserve your crap."

Annie interrupts the arguing men, "Stop it! I've had all the decisions involving my life taken out of my hands for too long. I'm going, end of discussion. And Calder, I'm out after this, I am **done** with this life."

Calder nods.

Ryan, says, "I'm going with you."

"Great like two white people and one African American won't stand out much?"

Annie says, "Did the CIA sweep my place yet?"

"No, I didn't have time to get someone in there, we're kind of short on staff out here you know."

"Ryan, go with them. Go to my place. Get my things, I missed the dead drop and have intel. Get my go bag in the closet baseboard, my passports and cash are there, I have another stash of cash in the toilet tank and remember the dog you gave me?"

Ryan nods. "You still have it?" It offers him a glimmer of hope knowing that she kept the dog.

"It's on my bed, the intel's inside. The jeep, where's the jeep I was in?"

"We already got the goods in the jeep. Good thinking Walker."

Ryan says, "So help me if you aren't at the rendezvous, I'm not going to leave this God forsaken continent until I track you down."

"Oh, can you grab the books in the drawer on my nightstand too?"

Ryan looks reluctant to let them go.

"Walker, I want your word that you'll be at the air strip."

"I guess I will if I want my dog, oh, and can you bring my guitar too?" says Annie before planting a kiss on his bearded cheek.

Calder rolls his eyes, "Come on folks, this isn't time for a shopping list, let's go."

Ryan hugs Annie tight before letting her go. "I better see you again." He feels her in his arms, she's real, she's really in his arms, he feels her frail body against his and the anger begins to melt away.

Ryan gives Annie a water bottle, two Power Bars and an apple. They look at each other and he says, to Calder. "Keep her safe. . . I have questions for her, lots of questions." Calder nods. He lost his love and he would do his best to keep his operative safe.

Ryan watches the distance between them grow as both jeeps drive in oppositve directions and he immediately regrets letting her go. . .


	58. Chapter 58: Parallel Uncertainty

**CHAPTER 58**

**Note:** Thanks for your kind words and feedback on what you liked. I loved all the CA characters of course I have favorites, but they are all great and multidimensional to me, I even liked the villains. . . gotta have a good villain to make a good story. So again, these are not my characters, I don't own them, I just enjoy a break from my life to write about them. I love that some of you have a jumble of emotions reading it, it's what every writer wants, to evoke emotions. So this amateur thanks you, what a nice compliment! There's a lot more to come, but enjoy this installment!

After McQuaid, Jim, Dex, and Fitz part ways with Calder and Annie, they head toward their safehouse to clear it and unload weapons they had in their possession. Calder's contact gladly took the weapons, Ryan was dubious that he wouldn't then sell them, but he had no choice, but to unload them. They take down their essentials. The air is tense between Jim and Ryan. In the distance, Ryan saw billows of smoke form from some buildings. He prayed for Calder and Annie to stay safe, he prayed that she would make the rendezvous, he needed her, he needed to feel her, touch her, and tell her a hundred things he had stored up. Then Jim interrupted his thoughts, "You sure she's coming back from that mess?"

"Cool it, I'm in no mood for your _concern_ right now."

"You gotta ready yourself, she's been trouble from the get go, is she really worth it after everything she's put you through?"

"Stop being an asshole, think about what she endured and what she lost!" shouted Ryan. The adrenalin from the mission is still in their systems and Ryan goes on the offensive. Fitz and Dex each grab hold of one of them, holding them back from going to blows.

"What's with the drama? You're worse than my girls fighting over who gets the Cinderella princess shoes. Cool it ladies!"

"Looks like our Baby Daddy is showing Father Knows Best," says Fitz laughing and lightening up the mood.

Ryan isn't in the mood to laugh and says, "I got it under control."

"Come on boss, I'll take you to Annie's apartment while they finish up here," says Fitz sensing some separation was in order.

/ /

Fitz drives the cleared out jeep to Katie Porter's apartment. "I'll keep watch down here. We should leave in less than five minutes boss."

Ryan nods and makes his way through the gated courtyard and into the building. He walks up a narrow set of stairs to Katie Porter's apartment. It was a small two-story building where many foreigners lived just outside the city center. Tenants consisted of were teachers, missionaries, health care workers and climate and anthropological researchers. There's a lot of commotion as people are gearing up to leave the country. The ground floor hallway was filled with luggage and open doors. He sees folks packing up frantically. On the next landing he finds her door. Just as he picks the lock and is about to enter, a handsome looking blond with an Australian accent appears from the door across the hall.

"Hey mate, you know Katie? I've been trying to reach her for the last two days. I heard rumors."

Ryan doesn't say anything, just nods. . . He wonders who this man is and if he was anything to Katie or Annie. Feelings of doubt and jealousy creep in as he assesses the man in front of him.

"I'm Matt, Matt Reynolds. My hands are full or I'd give you a proper greeting. Haven't seen you around before. Are you a friend of Katie's from work?"

"Uh, yeah, I came to make sure folks got out, been packing up at the clinic" says Ryan improvising. Fitz hearing it all, quickly looks up employees at the Initiative in case Ryan needed a cover.

"She missed our weekly Bible Study, I see why now, bad time here, these poor people need us and we've been asked to leave."

"Yeah, pretty touch and go out there, Katie's finishing up work at the clinic, I just came to back to get her valuables before we leave for good."

"I slid a note under her door last night. We can always use a good translator, maybe I can convince her to join me on my next mission in Haiti."

"Your next mission?" asks Ryan curiously.

"Yeah, Haiti's my next stop after some time surfing at home. My organization likes to put my French to good use. It's all in the letter, can you make sure Katie gets it?"

"Oh, that's good, good for you. Will do."

There was a lot of hustle and bustle going on around them, "Good luck Matt." He never gave him his name. With that Ryan entered the small studio and closed the door behind him. He scanned the small space and went to work collecting her go bag from where she said it would be hidden in her small closet's baseboard. He found her passport and took a few items of clothing she had hanging in the closet.

While in the bathroom, he gathered up her toiletries, then opened the small and rusted medicine cabinet. Inside he found a number of prescription bottles. He looked them over, unsure of what some of them were for. He noted the same ones she needed to take after her mitral valve repair, a blood thinner and prophylactic antibiotics to prevent a re-infection. The rest of the bottles he was unsure of, but it troubled him that Annie had so many medications. She did look thinner, he feared she had not fully recovered from the injuries Kravec inflicted and wondered about her previous heart condition. Did she get the follow-up care she needed while on the run? Perhaps not in Mali where only the most basic medical care was doled out where she lived. He took pictures of the bottles before he tossed them all in her go-bag.

Next, McQuaid found the stuffed German Shepherd on her carefully and neatly made bed. He smiled as he picked it up remembering that Annie always made the bed when she woke up. She wasn't a neat freak per se, but it was something she had picked up from her father, who was also a military man. Ryan squeezed the stuffed dog that he had given to her after he found out she was pregnant. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He felt the memory card inside the dog. Then he grabbed the few books she had on her nightstand and insider the drawer.

Ryan lingered in the space Annie had inhabited since he left him. He looked around and noticed how spartan and simple it was. He tried to picture her in the studio, making her tea and food at the two burner stove top, washing her dishes in the tiny sink, and working on the laptop he saw at the wooden table near the small kitchenette. He turned on the laptop. It needed a password. He closed it and then looked through all the drawers and cupboards, curiosity taking over. He looked out the window and noticed the small bistro set on the balcony. Unlocking the balcony door didn't make it budge. He looked up and saw a bolt above his head. He undid it and went outside. It was later in the day, but still very hot, the metal table top of the bistro set burned his fingertips. The dry desert expanse beyond the city was the view she had all these months. He walked back to the table inside and put her laptop in the bag.

He walked to the full sized bed and without thinking, he lay down and starred at the peeling paint on the ceiling before noticing one pillow was higher than the other, he reached under it and pulled out a sweatshirt. It looked familiar, he unfolded it realizing it was _his _well worn NAVY sweatshirt. He found a small frayed portion on the right cuff and then his initials on the tag. McQuaid had accused the guys of nicking it from him, it was a prank, they had started years ago, stealing each other's personal items and then having them turn up in odd places, except his sweatshirt hadn't turned up. She must have taken it when she went back to the beach house. He remembered now that it was the last place he had seen it.

Was this the sign Lord? Was this the sign he had prayed for? Annie held on to the dog he gave her, but he didn't take that as a sign. She loved German Shepherds long before they met. But she took his sweatshirt, one she had worn while recovering from surgery because she said it was perfectly broken in and roomy enough to mask the bandages. Did this mean she still cared for him? He didn't want to let himself believe or get his hopes up. At times he thought she must have hated and blamed him for everything. Most of the time he believed the words in her letter, that she left him not because she didn't love him, but because she felt _she_ was to blame and _she _needed to protect him.

It appeared that she made a life in Mali, albeit it a dangerous place, there was that guy Matt, did she mean him when she said she needed to say goodbye? Suddenly Dex's voice is in his ear. "You through Scout Master? Some Frenchies coming through to help with evac. might want to speed it up."

"Almost done, two more minutes" responds Ryan.

Ryan feels around under Annie's bed and finds a gun stashed between the slats, he takes and notices that it's actually one of his. He smiles remembering it was missing from the beachhouse as well. She had pieces of him with her all along. He hoped it really did mean something.

Ryan he went through the motions while she was gone, he got back on his feet in the last couple of months, but he wasn't truly happy. He had thought of her and spent time looking for her everyday for the first months she was gone, as time passed and he accepted what everyone around him had. . . that she didn't want to be found.

He picked up her pillow and smelled it. Then he grabbed her bag and set out to open the door when he noticed the additional deadbolt and chain that had been installed. He looked over to the balcony door and saw the same deadbolt that he had to undo. The windows were also fitted with extra locks. They were shiny, definitely not original to the building and recent additions. Dex says, "You on your way?"

"Affirmative," replied Ryan before he took one last look at the apartment before leaving it, scared it may be the closest he would be to her if she didn't make it back with Calder.

/ /

As Calder drives towards the clinic where Rachael's husband, Dr. Baba "Bobby" Musa worked, he looked over, "You need to talk Walker?"

"About what?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about the beating you gave that punk? Seeing McQuaid? The last eight months? That jackass Jim? The weather? The Nationals? Five Guys vs. Shake Shack for your burger?"

When Annie doesn't respond, Calder asks the most pressing question on his mind, the same question McQuaid asked, "Did they hurt you?"

Annie is quiet and turns her face away to look out toward the passenger window. Her body language is telling to Calder. He knows she's been through many terrible things and that as hard as it would be to talk, talking is what would help Annie Walker.

Annie finally speaks.

"He took something from me that I wanted back."

"Did you get it back?"

Annie chuckled thinking nothing that had been taken from her could be recovered. She was never going to have her son back or the life she wanted to share with Ryan or most importantly the feeling of dignity, security, and the sanity Kravec took from her. She reminder herself that she had to be strong when it came to Ryan and she had to maintain control when she faced him.

"Literally or figuratively?"

"What did he take from you?" asking Calder concerned for his friend. He was worried that she had been assaulted while in captivity, he knew very well the reports of what was done to girls and women on this continent when captured. He read about it and heard about it daily.

Annie took the cloth she took from her captor out of her pocket and lifted it up to be level with the open window, as the moving air hit the contents of the cloth, wisps of her hair went flying out of the jeep, revealing the broken pearl necklace she had retrieved from the man she had taken all her aggressions out on.

"He wanted a souvenir. . . I guess," said Annie. "I couldn't let him have part of me, that's all."

Calder lifted his eyebrows, but continued to drive, feeling remorse for what Annie had to go through, he felt responsible. After a minute, Calder removed his sunglasses and looked over at Annie with care and concern. In a voice he rarely used in a professional capacity, he asked, "Are you sure that's all?"

"I don't know Calder, I really don't."

Calder and Annie continued to ride in silence on the empty dirt road towards the clinic. She was grateful to feel the open air and to have freedom of movement. Her body was sore and achy, even though it was still hot as hell and it took her a bit to adjust to the sunshine, she felt much better after she finished off the water and food Ryan gave her. She had been alone for the last couple of days, alone in the dark, only slivers of light shone throughout the day. When her captives entered to drop off water, the glare from the open door blinded her momentarily. A couple of times, the head of the band of men would taunt her with threats to sell her to sex traffickers if her organization didn't come up with her ransom. Remembering that made her shudder.

Calder knew she was processing everything that happened, he was sure it was hard for her to have company again after her solitude in the hut and her solitude these last eight months. She had not seen anyone who knew who she really was and it had to be an adjustment. After about another few minutes of silence, Calder broke the ice by saying, "Look Walker, no one fully appreciates and understands everything you've done more than me and Joan, I want you to know, I'm going to look out for you when we get back. I've talked to Joan, she's got your back as far as the agency and DCI are concerned. Your country, the agency and I owe you an incredible debt."

"I've heard that many times before, but what I am interested in is getting out. I'm just exhausted Calder."

"And with good reason," says Calder.

"There was a time when I fought to be in the field, I thought it defined me. I thought I had no other place in the world, but I found my calling. The last eight months have been lonely and difficult, but also rewarding. I can make a difference, there are other ways I can serve a greater good, ways that don't involve killing and deception, ways that don't bring about pain and destruction."

"I hear you Walker, you'll have to go through all your debriefs and this time you will go through therapy. You need it. It will be hard to adjust to life back home after all that you've gone through, this time, you will get the help and support you need from the agency. You need to go through a proper exit Annie, it will help you land on your feet and get back to civilian life."

"Calder, I've never gotten any of that and all things considered, I've adjusted pretty well. And who says, I want to get back to life at home?" Calder raises an eyebrow and looks over at Annie and says, "You left without a trace, took on another identity, left all the people who cared for and loved you, that's _not_ well adjusted, my friend. . . "

His remark is met with silence again.

"Where do you plan on going if not D.C.?"

Annie looks at Calder point blank and says, "You want to help me? Make good on your promise to me."

Calder gives her a blank stare. Annie rolls her eyes, annoyed that she needs to remind Calder of their deal. "You promised me a new identity if I helped you."

"You worked for me for a month, Walker. Now you're burned here, we need to get you out of the country and back to your organization's headquarters. They've invested in your safety and are concerned about you just like Auggie, Joan, Barber, and Ryan. How do you think McQuaid is going to explain it away if you disappear, it will make us all look bad and your employers will be left with questions not to mention their risk management firm will look into fraud charges. Your boyfriend put a lot on the line to help me extract you, leaving again is cold Annie, even for you. That man was a wreck when you were gone, he loves you, don't throw that away."

That last remark hit home with Annie. Jim had referenced Ryan's state when she was gone too and she tried not to think about it, the weight of what she did to him was something she couldn't handle in the moment. She never meant to hurt him so terribly, she thought he was better off without her and she expected him to bounce back without a problem. She thought her letter would be enough. She had just left Ryan, promising him that they would see each other again. She honestly didn't know what she wanted, she didn't have a plan, she was still processing everything, still in a mild state of shock, _but_ Calder had promised her a new identity and she needed it in her back pocket.

Calder thinks to himself, he does owe her, but she needed to keep up appearances as Katie Porter and act the part of a recused aid worker before he could help her to walk away again. The CIA could not afford to be connected with any NGO or aid worker.

"Once we get out of here and your Executive Director sees that you're safe, they will likely offer you a lengthy leave with pay and benefits, they will also offer you all sorts of support and care under their K & R insurance policy. You'll take them up on their offers and if you want to keep being Katie Porter and work for them again, be my guest, I will support your cover."

Annie is taking in all in. She didn't want to return to an area of conflict like Mali, it used to once thrill her and give her a natural high to live on the edge of danger, but she was done with that life. There were other areas where the Initiative had programs, she could go somewhere benign like South Africa, Botswana or Tanzania.

"How long? How long do I have to keep up appearances?"

"My guess is a couple of months at least? They don't want it getting out that one of their workers got kidnapped, you just have to meet with the Executives, maybe their board of directors and definitely HR. They also want to make sure that you had nothing to do with your kidnapping."

"What?"

"Their K & R insurance company will fact check your story before forking over funds for your benefits and paid leave, they'll be happy that they didn't have to pay your ransom, thanks to McQuaid. Oh, the story there is, McQuaid knows your father, served under him in the Navy and that's how the connection was made. You know Ryan though he's considerably older than you."

Annie gave Calder another of her annoyed looks. "Most aid workers are in their mid-twenties, I spent years passing myself as someone different, why not?"

"We really are getting too old for this shit," said Calder. "Yeah, I've aged about ten years over the last year, we are getting old. They both share a laugh. It felt good to laugh with a friend.

As they reach the clinic Calder says, "I'll work a new cover for you, but Annie, you need some support my friend, take the time to decompress."

Annie breathes a sigh of relief. "Thanks Calder for coming for me."

"Any time Walker, any time. Are you ready to work your magic on Musa?"

She nodded as she took a deep breath and got out of the jeep.


	59. Chapter 59: Game Changer

**New Chapter 59: Game Changer**

**Note:** If you wondered why I had Annie go off the grid for so long, it was because of Sabine. I had in mind a reason Annie would resurface and then needed a reason that she would actually be forced to return to the States. Sabine was it, so she needed to be born and close in age to the baby Annie was meant to have with Ryan.

McQuaid and Fitz returned to the safe house to pick up Jim, Dex and their gear. Ryan spent the ride back to the safe house thinking about Annie's apartment and his exchange with Katie Porter's neighbor, Matt Reynolds. He made a mental note to look into the man when he had a chance. He wondered what kind of relationship he had with Annie as he looked at the letter he had picked off Annie's floor. It was sealed and had Matt's return address in Sydney. Ryan opened the bag he filled with Annie's belongings and placed the letter inside.

"You and Jim going to be back on track when we get back?" asked Fitz.

"Yeah, I need to make a call first," said Ryan. With that he got on the phone to get the latest report on their big client in Cairo.

After that McQuaid checked in with Calder and got off the phone frustrated.

/ /

Once the whole McQuaid crew is ready they headed to the airfield together. The situation is chaotic, the American embassy along with other nations had recalled their non-essential personnel in the wake of the militants' growing presence. and increasing violence. Many people are trying to leave the country and with his credentials, connections, and cash, Ryan and his crew had no problems getting into the airport.

After the men pass the scrutiny of the French soldiers, Ryan says, "Change of plans. Jim, you go on ahead to Cairo with Fitz and deal with the situation there. Our client requested a top executive to manage the operation. Dex, you'll be my co-pilot."

"Look boss, I'm sorry I got in your face earlier, but someone has to look out for you."

"You're always saying you don't want to be stuck babysitting or behind a desk, I'm sending you where the action is, be thankful."

Jim knows Ryan and he knows when to drop it, besides, his friend was right, there would be more for him to do in Cairo than on the plane ride delivering Katie Porter to her fake family and her employers. He would have to confront Annie another time. He just hoped his boss kept his head and didn't let his emotions get in the way where Annie was concerned.

Dex had no problem being co-pilot, he always learned something when spending time with Ryan and he liked Annie very much. Jim and Fitz go on to hitch a ride with State department employees to Cairo while Ryan and Dex get on a McQuaid Securities plane to wait for Calder and Annie. They were expected in less than 20 minutes.

/

Calder and Annie entered the clinic's front door. The clinic was always busy during open hours, Dr. Baba aka "Bobby" Musa was the head doctor and generally stayed at the clinic to see patients with one other doctor and nurse. There were three other doctors who traveled to different villages providing care to the elderly, women and children who were unable to travel. Usually a nurse and health care educator traveled with them providing needed services and information.

Annie as Katie Porter had traveled to various parts of Mali with the doctors. Many medical students and young doctors also came to complete a rotation with Dr. Musa and the African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative, but in the recent climate those numbers dwindled. Dr. Musa and his wife Rachael lived in a smaller home behind the clinic that was provided to the head of the clinic. It was a place that Annie had grown to love and enjoy. The work and interactions with the people of Mali fed her soul and helped her to forget the horror she went through at Kravec's hands and the sorrow she felt losing her own baby. It was a way to make up for the trade-offs and decisions she made, decisions she never imagined making in her younger years.

When she entered the waiting room, she greeted some of the familiar patients with a smile and words of encouragement. There was the little boy who had broken his arm and was back to get the cast removed, there was a mother of a three month old in for her daughter's latest immunizations, and a score of other faces representing the needs of the people of Mali.

As the adrenalin that pulsed through her body during her rescue dissipated, Annie started to feel fatigue from her ordeal, but she needed to push through as she promised. She also needed to say good-bye to Bobby and little Sabine.

"Let me approach him first before I introduce you. Stay out here in the waiting room, take off your sunglasses, and try to blend in," ordered Annie. Calder saw more of the Annie he knew from before as she put on a brave face and greeted more folks she recognized. Calder settled into the waiting room packed with pregnant women, sick kids, and some wounded men from rebel attacks.

/ /

Annie entered beyond the door into the small hall of exam rooms. Bobby sees her as he exits an exam room and greets her with relief and joy. "Katie! What happened to you? Where have you been? The jeep was towed back, it was found abandoned. . .I was so worried when you didn't return. I called the Initiative after I heard from Miriam and Dr. Mo."

"They're safe? What happened to Miriam?"

"Miriam never came back. She sent word yesterday that she went south back to her family out of fear. She was afraid the rebels would come after her, but she gave a description of your captors to the police. How did you get out?"

"I was held captive, a band of boys, just raiding villages, not real rebels or militants, thankfully, I got out."

"How did you get away? Miriam said they had weapons and there were many of them."

"That's not important, can we talk in private?"

"I would say go to the police, but they are probably not going to help now. Are you okay? Your head. . . " says Musa as he noticed some dried blood underneath her head covering.

"Just a little banged up, but I'm fine, I don't have much time. I have something important to discuss with you."

"What about your medicine? It was found in the car with your ID, papers and bag. I know you haven't had it, I'll get your bag and look at your head."

Annie follows him to the small administrative office. He opens the safe under his desk to retrieve Annie's things left behind in the jeep when she was abducted. "Here's some water, you have to take your antibiotics, the cut looks a bit deep, but your hair will cover the scar."

Bobby gathers a suture kit from the supplies in the hallway leaving Annie to think about how she should start as he picks up the sleeping baby in the bassinet near Bobby's desk. He goes to work cleaning her cut and puts four stitches in her scalp. "Are you injured elsewhere?"

"No, just tired that's all."

"It is getting too dangerous here my friend, many countries have recalled their citizens. Go home Katie. Rachael wanted to go home and I wish I listened to her. Maybe she'd still be alive. . ." said Bobby wistfully. "Your papers and identification are in your bag, you should leave as soon as possible."

"Bobby, her death wasn't your fault. I need to talk to you about Rachael. She was, she and I were. . ."

"She was working for the CIA, I know," says Bobby. "I am guessing, you too? How else would you get away so quickly, you were more than a hundred miles away when the jeep broke down. Katie and when I went to the hall, I saw a man out there. I've seen him before with Rachael, she said he was a new professor from the Anthropology Department back home. He is CIA?"

Annie nodded, "When and how did you figure it out?"

"She told me as she lay dying, she told me to trust you, that you were continuing her work and it was all for the sake of bettering my country. She asked me to leave with Sabine, but I couldn't. This is my country, my home. If I die here helping my people, I will die an honorable man," said Dr. Musa.

"I do need to leave, I've been compromised, but you can continue to do the valuable work Rachael was doing. I came back to ask for your help. I wish I had time to give you more details, but Rachael and I were observing trends and taking photos, trying to identify the different groups. She updated her contact weekly, sometimes more than once a week. Your work as a doctor can bring you all over the northern countryside, you can be our eyes and ears."

Bobby starts shaking his head. "I can't, not now. I promised to keep Sabine safe. She asked me to go back to America, but. . .most of my memories of her are here and my people need me here."

Annie appeals to Musa's desire to make a better Mali for himself and his daughter. "The CIA needs to know what is going on to save your country from further conflict and bloodshed. The militants are gaining ground. You are our only hope now, things are changing rapidly as you know. If you want to help stabilize your government and build better infrastructure, it means stopping the insurgents."

Bobby is unsure of what to do, but he came to trust Annie and he returned to his country not to see it crumble into a lawless mess run by who ever reigned with the most terror, fear, and weapons. He's momentarily torn between helping his country and caring for his daughter who was just a month old.

"The CIA will fight for the safety of all people? The women and children? Because what the militants are doing is wrong, entire villages wiped out Katie for believing in a different God or for not being religious enough. Women raped, children taken and raised as soldiers, men tortured and killed. It's a tragedy and it's not what Muhammad teaches us."

"No it's not, follow your faith and what you know in your heart to be the right course of action." Dr. Bobby contemplates Katie's request as he finishes stitching her up. As Bobby works on her, Annie is confident that she will succeed to getting Bobby to play for their team, but part of her feels guilty, this is a dangerous life, a life she had loved, but fled. She felt _hypocritical_ for pressuring Bobby into it, but she believed what she said to him. The future of his country and the safety of its people would depend on the intelligence only he could gather.

When Dr. Musa tied off the last stitch, he took a deep breath and said, "I will do it for Rachael and for the country I know Mali can be. I will do this so that her work here is not in vain, **_but_**on one condition."

"What can I do for you Bobby?"

Annie thought he might ask for weapons, tickets out of the country once things settled down, or money to bargain with if he got into trouble, she had no idea what he was about to ask.

Bobby put his hands on Annie's shoulders and looked her straight in the eye. Annie saw that tears were forming in his eyes as he took another deep breath and said, "Take Sabine with you, take her to America, it's not safe for her here and I can't take proper care of her if I am to travel. I know you care for her. And I promised her mother that I would take her to America."

Annie starred blinking eyes. Bobby just presented her with a game changer. She hesitated because she couldn't believe he would part with his daughter and she couldn't believe he would trust her with his last link to Rachael. She had planned to leave again when she was done with her obligations to the CIA and living up to her cover, what would she do with a baby? How could she reinvent herself while caring for Sabine? How could she say no when he was willing to make this monumental sacrifice for his country, for the sake of his daughter and for his wife's memory?

Bobby continued, "I know it's a burden, but I need you to keep her safe. This is my condition. I can make her a new birth certificate here listing you as her mother," says Bobby pointing to his printer.

Annie considers Bobby's request. She had come back to say good-bye to Sabine as much as to help Calder turn Bobby, she had become attached to her, but never did she imagine what Bobby would ask. Without thinking more, she says, "Of course, I'll take her and keep her safe, you know how much I love her and Rachael was a good, a very good friend to me as are you," says Annie with tears in her eyes.

"Katie, you are her family now, Rachael liked you very much and she trusted you. If caring for her becomes too much a burden, you can contact Rachael's parents. They didn't even know we were expecting, they were estranged because of me, so it's been at least three years since Rachel talked to them. They have tried reaching out after finding out Rachel died, but I have not been ready to speak to them and they don't know about Sabine."

"I will take care of her for as long as needed, but I will not be traveling alone. The man out there, the one you recognized, will be with me. We need to list him as the father, if a woman is to be traveling with a man in this climate. . ."

"I will make the birth certificate and records, here is your medicine. You need to keep up your antibiotics, go and pack a bag with supplies and formula."

"My real name is Annie Walker for the birth certificate. I'm sorry I didn't tell you my real name earlier."

Annie had fallen in love with Sabine, she was four weeks old. Holding her and playing with gave Annie joy she had not had in a long time. Calder catches sight of her as she goes to the nursery for supplies. Annie nods in his direction as if to indicate that everything was going according to their plan. Calder starts to get up, but Annie signals for him to stay put. She goes to the nursery and grabs a traditional wrap that woman in Mali use to carry babies, formula, diapers and blankets. She stuffs as much as she can into her bag that had been retrieved rom the jeep.

/ /

McQuaid calls Calder as he leaves Annie's apartment to report that French soldier are securing the city. He hears Ryan ask in his ear, "What's the status?"

"Not sure."

"Let me talk to Walker"

"Not possible."

"Get her on the line now Calder."

"I'm not with her."

"Shit, you lost her?"

"No, she's talking to Musa alone. Didn't want me to spook him."

"Do you have eyes on her or not?"

"I did just a minute ago, looks like he stitched her up, she had a bandage on her head."

"Do I need to come down there?"

"Stay put Eagle Scout and warm up the engines, we'll be there."

Calder ended the call as he saw Annie pass by again and disappear into the back.

When Annie reaches Bobby's office, he says, "I finished the birth certificate listing Annie Walker as the mother, I need to make the second one for you to use to leave this country. What is your friend's name so I can list him as the father?"

"Hold on, let me get him."

Annie motions to Calder to enter the back. Inside the cramped office he hears a radio on in the background and sees Dr. Musa working on a computer. Calder misses the tiny bundle in the bassinet at first.

"Bobby, this is Calder Michaels, he got me out and he was Rachael's boss in a way. Calder, Bobby needs the name you're traveling under."

"Nice to meet you, I'm sorry about Rachael's death. I recently lost the woman I love too, so I know what you are going through."

"So are we all on the same page, you agree to provide us with information?" asked Calder.

"Yes, he's agreed, give him your cover name. Please," responds Annie.

"Why, what's going on?" Calder doesn't look pleased.

"I'll explain later, what name are you traveling under?

Calder unhappily gives up his cover name knowing that there was no time to argue. "Phillipe Thibodeaux"

Bobby continues to work on his computer as he talks, "Hide this one, it's the one that lists only Annie Walker and the father as deceased." Annie takes it and shoves it into the lining of her bag. Bobby continues, "You will have to travel on foot as you get close to the airport. I've been listening to the radio and they have closed the main roads leading to the airport and only letting those with proper documents near. I can drive you as far as I can, so take more water."

While Bobby is making up new papers, Annie starts to tie a long swath of cloth on her body confusing Calder all the more, but he did like what he saw in Musa, he was able to multi-task and seemed to be a man of certainty and confidence.

A soft cry comes from a bundle of blankets in a bassinet by Bobby's desk, he stopped his work to pick up the bundle. Calder watched as Bobby spoke tenderly to the baby in French. Bobby looked up at a frustrated Calder and says, "Thank you. Mr. Michaels, you are now her father on paper, at least until you get out of Mali."

With that Calder realizes what is going on and gives Annie an angry and incredulous look. Dr. Bobby Musa looked full of sorrow as he made a new birth certificate and immunization records listing Katie Porter and Phillipe Thibodeaux as the mother and father. He looked down at his delicate daughter and caressed her smooth face and the blond fuzz on her head. She was such an easy, though she needed to eat frequently and slept in only short spurts, she rarely fussed. For a moment, Musa hesitated to press print and wondered if turning her over was the right thing. He felt sorry for her, so sorry that she would never know her lovely mother, yet grateful she would not know the heartache of losing her.

"We'll get some more water," said Annie as she pulled an angry Calder outside the office to loop him in. Calder looked back and saw Musa cradling the tiny baby. He laid into Annie with angry whispers. He can't believe Annie agreed to be saddled with a baby without consulting him. "I thought you were going to turn him not offer to babysit! This isn't going to help your cover story Walker. How you think we're going to explain away a baby?"

"You needed an asset, I got you that asset and if the price for him to spy for us is too high for you, then you go in and tell him we can't ensure his daughter's safety, that we just want him to risk his life and the life of his daughter for us blindly with nothing in return," retorted Annie.

Calder is thinking about how he is going to manage the situation. He puts his hands to his head before saying, "Damn it Annie, we're the CIA , not CPS, suppose we make it to D.C. with her, what happens next, did you think about that?"

Annie continues, "He is giving up his flesh and blood to do this Calder. Do you understand that? It was his only bargaining chip, safety for his daughter, you want to go in there and tell him we can't give him that?"

Calder hears ringing in his ear again, he sees it's McQuaid again. "What?" he asks impatiently. "Roads coming into the airport have been shut down to control the onslaught, what's your status?"

"Already know that, still at the clinic, stop micromanaging and let us do our jobs," said an irritated Calder. He ended the call abruptly and got back to his conversation with Annie.

Calder knows he has been backed into a corner, he has no time to argue with Annie or renege what she promised. All he can do is train Musa on what the CIA needs as his mind recalibrates the situation. He hadn't expected to have an extra person on his hands and he definitely didn't expect a fragile newborn.

"We still have dangerous terrain to navigate before we get to the airstrip, how are we going to do that with a baby in tow?" mutters Calder.

"Since when are you someone who can't handle a little challenge? Tie this behind my back snugly and go in there to tell Bobby what you need from him, I'll go to my locker to grab my extra phone and camera. Can you carry this water in your bag?" Annie had stashed some extra equipment and cash in her locker, she never knew when she might need to run and this was exactly the situation that warranted her stash of tools.

Calder heads into the office where he gives Bobby Musa a quick summary of the CIA analysts recent findings based on Rachael and Annie's intelligence gathering. He tells Bobby exactly the types of information and places he needed to go to gather it. Annie returns and they both show Bobby how to pass along the information and how to maintain his cover. They try to cram years of spy craft, training, and experience into the man in 10 minutes time.

"After Rachael died, I found some of her things hidden at our home. She had a satellite phone and dish and a gun. I can figure out how to use it," says Bobby.

"Just make sure you keep it hidden and deny anything if found with the equipment," says Calder.

Annie hands Bobby her extra burner cell, camera, gun and the cash she had hidden in her locker at work. Bobby hands Annie the papers he printed. He takes a photo album and a journal from his desk and then removes a pouch from the safe with some of his dead wife's jewelry. "Take these for Sabine, in case. . ."

Annie cuts him off, "You will see her again. I will Skype you when we are safe and as often as you'd like."

The clinic's patients are dying down, Bobby tells his co-workers that he's taking off early and drives his daughter, Annie and Calder towards the airfield. You have to walk from here. The streets were chaotic, but he goes as close as he can to the airport.

They continue to talk and give Bobby pointers during the car ride.

"Rachael was a hero and you are too." Annie hugs Bobby. Before they part, Bobby asks for some photos with his daughter and both Annie and Calder witness a teary good-bye before they set out on foot for the next two miles.

"Ma'a salama," said Bobby to Annie, Calder and his daughter. Bobby watched as the three walked farther and farther away. He prayed to Allah that his daughter would be protected.

Annie carried baby Sabine through the desert road despite her exhaustion, it's the custom for women to carry babies in the region using cloths wrapped around their bodies. It made Annie hotter than she wants to be, but she kept up her pace with Calder. They stopped after nearly a mile to mix formula, fed Sabine and changed her diaper. Calder noticed that Annie is slowing down and growing pale. The beads of sweat on her head were increasing. She the last of her water to make formula for Sabine.

"Who's going to take care of her when we get back to D.C.?"

Annie swallows, "I am." She hadn't planned on it, in fact, she planned on fulfilling her duties and then returning to her work somewhere else on the continent as Katie Porter. She hadn't planned on staying in DC long, but Sabine was truly a game changer. Her sense of purpose and need for a mission shifted now. She would care for Sabine for as long as Bobby needed her to.

Calder hears Ryan in his ear again.

"We're on foot, the airstrip is in view," responds Calder.

"Plane is fuelled and ready."

After the last mile, Annie and Calder reach a long line of people trying to get into the airport. The French soldiers are shouting for passports and papers to be ready.

Calder and Annie thought they would be able to enter the airport without a passport, but the security forces were not even allowing entry. Annie can't get pass without her passport. Ryan recovered it from her apartment and it was with him. Calder's phone isn't going through as he tries to call Ryan to ask him to bring it to the airport security checkpoint. Meanwhile Annie shows her ID badge from the Initiative and the baby's birth certificate, hoping it would suffice, but the soldiers wouldn't budge.

As Annie and Calder stand in life, they hear reports that the French were unable to hold off a roving band of over 100 rebels headed towards them, the security is about to close the airport meaning Annie and Calder would be stuck in a shitstorm in Mali. They had no way to escape or get to shelter except on foot and no one without a passport was being allowed to enter the building.

Calder tries again and doesn't reach Ryan.

"Go on ahead, you can get in, go get my passport from McQuaid, Sabine and I will wait here," said Annie.

Calder isn't sure leaving Annie is a good idea. If he lost her, he'd have to deal with McQuaid. He passes Annie his phone. "Ok, but keep trying him, things are fluid, we may have to play loose. Just stay put here."

Meanwhile Ryan is pacing the aisle on his private plane checking his phone and trying without success to reach Calder. The cell signals are weak. McQuaid felt he lost control of the situation and feared that he would lose Annie again. Calder and Annie started out behind schedule and now they were late. Dex is listening to the alerts and communicating with Auggie at the DPD, the CIA wants them to get out before the airport shuts down.


	60. Chapter 60: Farewell Mali

Note: I made some edits and additions in a few places. Mainly Ryan questioning Musa's sacrifice and Annie's response which harkened back to Simon's words from a different chapter in her life, but those words rang true for her where McQuaid was concerned.

Chapter 60: Farewell Mali

Everyone involved managed to keep Annie's kidnapping out of the media, the CIA and the agency where she worked were all invested in keeping the kidnapping under wraps, but if McQuaid Securities failed to present Katie Porter safely to her cover family, employers at the African Initiative for Maternal and Fetal Health would start asking questions as would the risk management firm they hired to negotiate Katie's release. The situation near the airport grew increasingly tense and as news of the possible closure of the airport spread, the many people waiting began to grow impatient resulting in pushing and shoving. Annie had Sabine to protect, so she looked around, and tried to stay calm so she could figure a way out of the sea of people.

At the same time, McQuaid, a man unaccustomed to sitting around waiting, had been on the edge of going out there to look for Annie himself. He looked at his watch, fully aware that they should have left the country 10 minutes ago. His phone finally buzzed indicating that he had voicemails and several missed calls from Calder Michaels. As he listened to the messages, he went to Annie's bag and dug out her passport. None of his men needed their passports just twenty minutes ago, things were fluid as he had experienced in similar settings. Dex informed him that the security forces stopped letting anyone into the airport. They stopped letting people through while they went on the offensive to secure the roads leading to the airport. They wanted to push back the rebel forces before allowing more people into the airport. As he listened to Dex, Ryan geared up, he put on a bullet proof vest and loaded weapons and cash into his vest. "Uh, we don't need those to fly outta here. What's going on?" asked Dex calmly, he knew not to antagonize his boss having learned from Jim's mistakes.

"I just listened to voicemails from Calder, they're stuck at the God damn entrance to the airport, Annie's been denied entrance without a passport. I'm going to get her."

"Okay, but you don't need that much firepower to get her do you?" asked Dex.

"Relax, I don't plan on shooting, they're to trade."

Auggie came on the line and with a tired defeated voice said, "We're working on an alternate method of egress for Annie and Calder. I'm sorry, but you need to get clearance from the air traffic control to take off. Barber and I will get her to Marrakesh, I promise you that."

"I'm not leaving her here and I can't believe you're suggesting it! She has no means of communicating with us, we have the phone she hid in the jeep." shouted McQuaid.

Auggie, admittedly would have done things differently. But his orders, those damn orders, from the higher ups, were to get anyone with links to this operation out of there before the State Department had to answer for why there was a CIA contracted PMC in Mali to extract an aid worker. It would draw attention and result in an inquiry none of them could afford. Heads would roll and he didn't want to be one of them.

"We'll find another way to get Annie out. I give you my word. She's with Calder, the two of them will figure it out."

"Your word means little to me now."

Auggie hesitated and Ryan didn't wait. "Be back in five, wheels up then Dex."

Ryan started to head out when Calder climbed into the plane. Ryan looked around and seeing no one else laid into Calder, "You coward, you fucking left her out there?"

"Why didn't you answer your damn phone!? I came to get her passport."

"It won't do her any good now anyway, they're not letting anyone else in," said Dex.

"They will if I can help it", said McQuaid as he started to deplane he saw a woman in the distance running towards the plane. He doesn't want to believe it at first, but he recognized the figure. It was Annie. She somehow worked her way through the crowd and got past security. He wasn't surprised, she always managed to talk and finagle her way out of messes.

Ryan had been on edge, but when he laid eyes on Annie, he was instantly relieved. Part of him was afraid he made a mistake in letting her out of his sight. He deplaned to meet her and help her with her bag. "You're really here," said Ryan as he helped Annie board the plane.

Dex was already at the cockpit. "We're cleared to taxi to the runway."

"Where have you been? We were operating in the dark," said McQuaid.

"You think I was getting a manicure or something? I tried Calder's phone, but it wasn't working. I pulled a McQuaid and flashed some cash to a Malian guard at a service entrance, worked like a charm. We're both here now." Annie managed to say in between taking breaths.

"Both?" asks Ryan looking out the plane. "I don't see anyone else and we can't wait!" Annie took a moment to catch her breath as Calder and Ryan closed the doors.

Annie goes to Calder who was getting on the line to fill Auggie in. "Can you undo the knots? And I need some drinking water, please."

"Someone wants to say hello," said Calder.

"I have to feed Sabine, with the heat, it's been too long. . .I'll talk to him later, tell him, I'm okay." replied Annie who was totally focused on Sabine's welfare. McQuaid, was distracted by the reality of Annie's presence and slow on the uptake, he hadn't caught on yet.

McQuaid handed Annie a bottle of water, she immediately went into her bag and grabbed what she needed to make more formula for the squirming baby who emerged from inside the pouch made by the cloth. McQuaid had been so focused on Annie and helping her board the plane that he hadn't noticed the small baby. "We would have looped you in, but there was no time and the damn cell reception here. . . "

Annie lifted Sabine out completely from the mess of cloth attached to her body, "Meet Sabine Musa, Baba and Rachael's daughter." Annie handed Calder the small baby who is now awake and alert, she looked mesmerized at the lights overhead. Annie quickly unwound the yards of cloth wrapped around her body so she could cool off. Calder was a man wholly unaccustomed to children and especially infants, but he was taken in by little Sabine. He never knew just how small and fragile a month old baby was until he had the chance to hold her earlier. Annie adjusted Calder's arms to cradle the baby in the crook of his elbow and handed him the bottle she finished making.

"I have a few bottles that need to be washed and sterilized, that was the last clean one. We'll need them in another couple of hours," said Annie trying to get up. She's accustomed to moving, working, doing something, and quite honestly, she wasn't sure how she was going to face Ryan and that translated into a need to stay busy.

Calder looked at Annie and said, "Have a seat Walker, I'll get to it after she's done with this bottle. The plane is taking off anyway."

"You are going to wash and sterilize baby bottles?" Annie replied with sarcasm.

Calder looked up from Sabine and motioned to the baby as he looked at Annie and then McQuaid, "You see what I'm going here Walker? Yes, I'll wash the bottles, Ryan, can you get Annie some water. She's not had much and she started out on a deficit. She wasn't in any condition to walk more than two miles in the desert to begin with."

"That's a baby, wait, you have a baby?" asked Ryan trying to process everything as he looked at the tiny thing in Calder's arms.

"No, she's not mine technically though I do have a birth certificate listing me as her mother. Sabine is Rachael Musa, the CIA's asset's baby. She died shortly after giving birth. Her husband's condition for helping us was that we take her to the States," there was no time to second guess it, so I agreed to take her.

"The man just gave you his daughter?" asked Ryan, incredulous. He had lost his son and if he still had him, if he had a child, he couldn't imagine a situation where he'd give him up.

"People do extraordinary things for those they love," replied Annie.

Annie sank back into the chair and though the AC was blasting on the plane and everyone else was cool, she still felt hot. The beads of sweat on her forehead weren't going away. "I can get my own water," said Annie as she lost her balance getting up to go to the galley. Ryan caught her arm. "Whoa, you're going to be okay, have a seat and we'll get you hydrated." After being held with little food and water, then the dramatic rescue, Annie was completely exhausted and didn't argue further.

"Buckle up kids, we're next for take-off," said Dex over the intercom. Annie said, "Can't wait for that bath," as she looked out the window. It was time to close the Mali chapter of her life. She looked at the terrain and people in the distance still waiting at the entrance of the airport. She was filled with a mixture of sadness and relief as she thought of Bobby and his sacrifice. He had just lost his wife and blamed himself for her death. Then he chose to part with his little girl so that he could keep her safe. Annie's heart was burdened for him, it was a welcome distraction from her own set of issues.

"How about some water and food first." Still warm, she took off her shirt and is only in her tank top. Ryan saw some scars peering from her shoulder and noticed the ring of sweat around the neckline. He looked very concerned, "I'll see what we have in the galley, stay put."

"How's Sabine? Is she eating?" Annie asked Calder.

Sabine was looking up at Calder with wide eyes as her right hand has wrapped around the pinky of the hand holding her bottle. Calder is smitten. "Eating like a champ!"

"You know that means a diaper change is in your future."

"Might need you on that one Walker," said Calder with a smile. He looked intently at Annie and fist bumped her with his free hand, "We made it."

"It was iffy for a bit, thank you for getting me out…"

/ /

Ryan returned with water, both still and sparking, and some crackers, nuts, grapes, salami and cheese. He placed the tray before Annie while starring at her. Calder had moved to another corner to finish feeding Sabine and make calls. He needed to work on a plan for Sabine while Annie played Katie Porter a bit longer and he wanted to make sure Sabine had funds to care for her since her mother was employed by the CIA.

Ryan had been looking forward to the moment alone with Annie, he wanted to just be in her presence. He was confident that she still cared for him, but less confident about a future.

It was amazingly awkward and unreal for Annie to sit across from Ryan as if no time had passed and nothing happened. She wasn't quite sure what to say, so she awkwardly talked about the food. "Wow, haven't had French cheese is a long time, hard to come by in Mali and forget about grapes. Tastes amazing. Thank you."

She ate and drank slowly, still feeling hot from her trek and the stress of possibly not getting to the plane. Annie looked up at Ryan a few times catching his eyes watching her. Each time she looked back down at the plate of food or made a move to sip her water. He looked different with his beard, she wasn't sure she liked it.

Finally, Ryan broke the ice, "How do you do it Walker?"

"Do what?" asked Annie confused.

"Manage to look so beautiful even when disheveled?"

Annie sat up straight in the chair and looked into his eyes, "Ryan, don't. You don't have to be nice to me right now just because of the circumstances. . .you can be angry, resentful, it's perfectly acceptable to hate me too. . . "

"I'm not angry with you. I tried being angry, it didn't work and I could never hate you," said Ryan reaching to touch Annie's bandaged head above her ear. "Your head, there's some blood," said Ryan.

She backed away at his attempt to touch her, it's a reflex she developed when anyone tried to touch her. Something that her neighbor Matt Reynolds had learned the hard way when he reached for Annie's shoulder from behind while she was listening to music during a run.

Annie got up in that awkward moment. "I'll get to the bathroom and wash up. I need another change of clothes anyway." She grabbed her bag on the way.

Ryan stood up and said to Annie as she walked away, "I may not be angry, but you're not off the hook that easily, I have a lot of questions and you're going to answer them."

"Keep it down McQuaid, Sabine's dozed off and will you let the woman have a breather, she's been through enough for a lifetime in the last year," said Calder looking at Annie.

Annie mouthed, "Thanks" to Calder, then and turned around and headed towards the bathroom.


	61. Chapter 61: Lost and Found

**Chapter 61**

Annie found refuge in the plane's lavatory. It was twice the size of a commercial aircraft's bathroom, so she didn't feel claustrophobic inside it. She needed a moment to come to grips with what she was feeling after seeing Ryan so many months later. Being so physically close to him again elicited feelings she tried to tamp down during the months she spent hiding. The love and care she felt for him was still strong, circumstances, time and distance hadn't extinguished her affection for him though she tried to mask her feelings. She was surprised that he appeared to feel the same despite the resentment that seeped through at times.

Annie looked at herself in the mirror while filling up the sink with water. Cool and clean water was luxury, she put her fingers under the faucet to make sure it was real that she was actually there. It all seemed so surreal. She felt so many emotions, but mostly incredibly grateful to McQuaid and Calder for getting her out. She started to soak a towel, rubbed some soap into it, then wiped away the caked on blood in her hair. Next she worked her way around her entire face and neck. She thought back to how she got the gash.

One of the captors taunted her when they first got to their encampment, he leered at her from the very beginning causing her hairs to stand on end. She tried to push thoughts of him out of her mind and started scrubbing harder. When he entered the hut where she was being held, he dropped a bowl of mush next to her, then he bent down and drew close to her and whispered in her ear, "Twelve more hours, no money, no more guarantees. I'll get less if I sell you, but it's money all the same. Money to get out of here." He ran his hand along her knee and up her thigh, she was frozen at first, at a loss as to what to do, finally she snapped out of it and kicked him in the groin as he traced her neckline causing him to hit her. The other guard, called from the door of the hut, "Hurry up!" saving her from spending more time with him.

She tried to stick her entire head under the faucet to get the dust and dirt out of her hair. The cool water on her face and scalp rid her of the memory. Annie had many terrible memories to exorcise, but these were the freshest ones.

Was she just tied to that pole in that darkened hut earlier that day? She took off her sweat and dirt stained tank top and started to scrub her chest fiercely while tears rolled down her face, she wanted to erase the places where she was touched. She removed all her clothing and scrubbed herself all over with the cloth that turned grey as did the water. She drained the dirty water, washed the cloth, and filled the sink again, all the while praying she could wash away everything that had happened to her, she had to be sane and strong for Sabine's sake.

Meanwhile, Calder got the last set of photos and intel Annie didn't pass along before her kidnapping, it was critical intel for the CIA and French troops on the ground who are trying to stop the insurgency. McQuaid joined him on the phone with Joan and Auggie, "How is she?" asked Joan before ending the call. "Not the same Annie I met in Columbia or the one who came back from Hong Kong and took down Belenko, but still able to do her job. Let's just say she's different."

"What do you mean?" asked Joan. Meanwhile Auggie was hoping to talk to Annie. He wanted to hear her voice again, he had no visual memories of her, just the scent of her perfume and the timbre of her voice.

McQuaid knew Annie changed since losing their baby and being tortured by Kravec eight months ago. It would have been stupidly naive to think otherwise. It drove her do something as extreme as disappear off the radar for eight months. He never thought Annie would try to end her life either, but all the evidence pointed to suicide. McQuaid wouldn't accept it, someone with the emotional strength Annie had would never take her own life. For the first weeks after she was gone, he didn't know if she was dead or alive and he was distraught. It was worse than when Kelly died, the not knowing killed him. She was always a bit enigmatic to him. Calder seemed to have some insight as he had had more contact with Annie in recent months than any of them, the man owed him and he was going to get Calder to talk to him about Annie.

Calder continued, answering Joan, "For one thing, Annie says she's done. She wants out Joan, as opposed to before when she covered up her condition and did everything she could to remain in the field," responded Calder.

"Okay, we'll take it one step at a time, first hurdle is maintaining her cover to protect Dr. Musa and Sabine, then getting Sabine in the country without raising any red flags. You'll have to maintain the cover that you're her father Calder. Having Katie Porter with a baby won't do."

"Shouldn't be hard for the man, he's on diaper duty, going to get a crash course from Dex who just had his third kid," said McQuaid.

"And let me remind you that I have special clearance to enter American airspace, we can get Sabine in the country without anyone knowing," added McQuaid.

Ryan and Calder were on the phone managing different parts of Annie's cover, Auggie and Barber were setting up a P.O. Box and bank accounts for Katie Porter and looping in her retired CIA operatives who were acting as her parents. Annie had to learn more of her cover before she had to "perform".

After making a number of calls, Ryan noticed Annie was taking quite a bit of time in the bathroom. He had gone right to work and hadn't taken much time to think about the irony of the situation. She was lost, then found. They had lost a child, and now there was a child. God certainly had a sense of humor.

"What does it mean?" asked Ryan. He so desperately sought answers and got none for months. Were these the answers? Annie was back, she was well, had she had enough time away from the nightmare, was she willing to return to him? Could he really forget the last eight months of hell she put him through?

McQuaid walked to his plane's lavatory to check on Annie. He stopped outside the door where he thought he heard whimpering. He knocked, "Annie? Everything okay?"

/ /

A knock startled Annie from her vigorous scrubbing. She heard his voice and while she really didn't want to go back out to talk to him, she couldn't very well stay in the lavatory for the rest of the plane ride. Besides, she wanted to hold Sabine. She looked into the mirror at her naked self and saw someone she didn't know anymore. But Ryan saw her, he looked right at her and it was a look she recognized. Since the start of their whirlwind romance, he had always shown her unquestionable support and understanding. He knew her in a way she let few people know in recent times, but that was what scared her too because he couldn't know _everything_. He knocked again. "Annie? Do you need anything?" She splashed some more water on her flushed face and gathered her wet hair into a bun and managed to say, "Be right out."

Annie thought to herself, time to pay the price since she chose to return. She had to face McQuaid, but she was determined to keep her secret. If it weren't for Sabine, she might have disappeared again after helping Calder get Dr. Musa's cooperation. On the way to the airfield, she ran her contingency plans in her head, still thinking that she could possibly get away with Sabine and make it somehow to Switzerland where she had money in safe deposit boxes. She could have gone south to South Africa or made her way north to Jordan or UAE, but the fact remained that she didn't have a passport.

It had even crossed her mind to make it to Jerusalem, to Eyal Lavin. He would be able to get her a new passport, a new identity. But as the climate shifted she realized there was no way she would make it out of Mali with what she had on her unless she made it to McQuaid's plane. She had Sabine to think about.

Sabine was a curve ball, having to care for and be her guardian was the reason Annie needed to bring her back home, but she was afraid. Twice as long had passed compared to her last absence. Would it be twice as hard to go back or exponentially more difficult? Would she be able to face Ryan's questions without him asking more questions? Regardless, Annie made her choice and it was time to stop running from her demons.

Annie felt every sore and aching muscle as she put on the clean clothes from the bag McQuaid brought from her apartment. Inside the bag she also found her stuffed German Shepherd. Looked like McQuaid found the intel inside. She held it close to her, it was a daily reminder of the life she left behind, but also a comfort to her. Suddenly, Annie heard Sabine crying and moved to open the door where Ryan stood facing her. He sees her clutching the stuffed dog and smiles. "Seeing that you kept Ruby with you meant something to me Annie. I'm glad she watched over you. I would have watched over you, if you had given me the chance. Annie, I've waited a long time to tell you how sorry I am that I couldn't protect you from Kravec. I should protected you and. . .I hope you can forgive me."

Hearing the name Kravec spoken caused Annie to close her eyes as she flashes back to the Russian lunatic. She shook her head and pushed his image out of her mind, going back to Ryan's words. He's sorry? She wasn't expecting that, she figured he was angry with her for running away, did he blame himself all this time?

"Please don't say his name again and you have no reason to apologize for what he did. Didn't you read my letter?"

"The letter, yeah thanks for sending it a month after you disappeared, I thought you were dead until then. The way I looked at it the only reason you left was because I let Kra-, I failed to protect you and you blamed me, it felt you were punishing me," says Ryan as he looks into her puffy eyes.

She's flabbergasted, leaving was more about protecting him and punishing herself. "I'm sorry you thought that I blamed you all this time, what happened had nothing to do with you. I hope you know that and can move on now that you see I'm fine now. It's all behind me now."

"Move on? Walker, maybe you've been fine, but I haven't and I couldn't move on, I tried, especially these last couple of months, but. . ."

Sabine cries out again. She looked at Ryan and said, "Can we do this later? I'm obviously not going anywhere."

Ryan says, "I'm going to hold you to it Walker. I have a lot to say and a lot to ask." He hands her a dossier, you need to learn this, it's about your folks and your childhood, our connection and contains some correspondence you've had with your folks as well as the reports on your kidnapping.

"Thanks," says Annie walking towards Calder.

Annie let out a look of relief as she approached Calder who was holding a wailing Sabine and asked, "Did you burp her? Here, let me take her." Annie held Sabine with her tummy against hers and gently swayed her. "You didn't think a hardened man like Calder Michaels could be such a softie do you? He didn't want to bring you along you know. . . Looks like everyone falls in love with you Sweet Sabine."

"Walker, you need to sit and rest, read that dossier, want to keep me company in the cockpit?" asked Ryan.

"I just want a minute with her, to help her get comfortable," said Annie who was trying to manage the wailing child. "She's normally not this fussy, must have some gas or something." Ryan softened as he saw her with Sabine. He hasn't held the baby yet, he wasn't eager to because he had avoided babies since Annie lost their son. Dex had a little one shortly after Annie disappeared, he sent over gifts, but hadn't met her yet. He just couldn't bring himself to.

Annie settled Sabine down by rocking her and singing a French lullaby. Within a minute the baby let out a loud burp followed by the distinct sound of having a bowel movement, causing all of them to laugh.

"And that is what a blow out sounds like," said Dex from the cockpit.

"We need you out here Baby Daddy," said McQuaid laughing.

"Stop worrying, she's in good hands, if Dex can teach my guys how to take apart and put back together a sniper rifle in under a minute, he can show Calder how to change a baby," said McQuaid.

McQuaid saw how Annie's entire demeanor changed with Sabine. She was relaxed, her tension melted away, and she smiled freely, and spoke in a voice Ryan had only heard her use with the puppies they visited before Kravec took her. Ryan was mesmerized as he stood back and watched her, God he missed her. He whispered a prayer of thanks to God for bringing her back safely. Would she have been like that with their child? Their son would have been born about two months ago. The big question on his mind was, would she come back to him, where did they stand? He was willing to work all their issues out and hoped she would be too.

/ /

Ryan stayed home from work on their baby's due date. The night before when the reminder of Annie's due date pinged on his phone, he stopped what he was doing to look for the baby book Annie had started to keep. He hadn't gone into the room they were starting to furnish for their baby in weeks, but he found the book there and looked through the pages as he drank half a bottle of Bourbon. Jim found him passed out in the room among boxes of unassembled baby furniture after he missed two calls and a very important meeting with the NSA. He was so consumed with searching for her the first weeks she was gone and forgot to cancel the crib, dresser and changing table set they agreed on. The boxes arrived after Annie disappeared and Ryan just didn't have the heart or time to send them back, part of him hoped for a reunion with Annie and that they would one day make use of the furniture. When he sobered up the next day he drove out to the beach house where she saw that Annie had sent flowers to honor their son. He missed her so much and at the same time, he was hurt and angry that she just left to deal with her own pain and guilt without thinking about him.

It hadn't been easy the last eight months. He had just begun to accept that she was gone for good after Jim chewed him out for not getting over Annie already. Jim said he had made sacrifices to help Ryan run his company at headquarters after Annie left when all he wanted was to be out in the field. He expected Ryan to grow a pair and get over Annie and get back to focusing on his job. From Jim's vantage point, Annie was long gone and didn't want to be found. Jim was done being stuck in the office picking up Ryan's slack. Ryan took what Jim said to heart and the days where he didn't follow leads on Annie stretched longer and longer until she managed to find her way back into his life.

As much as Annie was heartbroken over the loss of her son, holding Sabine actually didn't bring back the terrible memories, instead it was healing for her. Sabine made her feel like she had renewed purpose, a mission, something to do besides feel sorry for herself. She hoped her nightmares would end.

/ /

"Go head and rest Walker, you look like you could put your feet up," says Calder as he reached for Sabine, "After Dex gets her changed, I can manage to hold her the way you are holding her. And I know a song or two in French."

"Oh, I'm talking you through, I get to change enough diapers when I'm home," said Dex from the cockpit.

"Calder, I'm seeing a side of you I didn't think I ever would," said Annie as she handed Sabine back to him.

Annie is looking flush, Ryan sees the redness on her chest and arms from scrubbing and now that she's in just a tank top he sees how much weight she has lost.

"I know, but you've been through the ringer the last couple of days, it's ok to take a break."

Ryan leads her to the cockpit where he is about to take over for Dex.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah, thanks for grabbing my things." Suddenly remaining standing is hard for Annie. Her legs start to buck and she lands on her knees. "What's happening?"

"You're burning up," says Ryan as he rushes to be next to her and feels her forehead.

"Can I have some more water?" asked Annie as she felt her own head. She had been feeling warm despite the AC on the plane and cooling off in the bathroom.

Ryan shouts, "Dex, put her on autopilot and come give me a hand, grab the med kit and 02, I think she's severely dehydrated. We need to give her some fluids."

"What were the meds that Bobby gave you for?" shouted Calder. Ryan looked at Calder saying, "She has some in the bag from her apartment too. Find them."

Calder goes through Annie's bags while holding Sabine and finds the medications. Looks like an antibiotic, amoxicillin and something called Coumadin. "Annie, Annie!" says Ryan as he notices her struggling to stay alert and taps her face.

Calder looks up Coumadin, "It's a blood thinner, for patients post heart surgery."

Annie says while struggling to stay conscious, "A precaution to prevent my heart from re-infection. Don't really need the Coumadin, just the antibiotics," says Annie weakly. "Fever isn't a good sign for me."

"How's your heart been?"

Annie's unable to answer, she's so tired, she just feels her lids droop as she wonders, did he mean, "literally or figuratively". . .

"We need to get her to a hospital." It feels like déjà vu to Ryan, Annie hurt all over again like after they rescued Eyal. "You seem to have a penchant for being ill on planes Walker."

Calder's wheels are turning, they were supposed to meet her fake parents and the head of the Initiative as well as the risk management team in Marrakesh. If they had to go to a hospital, the CIA would lose control of the situation. They needed a place where they were tapped into the system and doctors. They needed to get her to a military hospital.

"Sorry for all the trouble," mumbles Annie whose fever is rapidly increasing.

"OH, but you're worth it Walker,"

"102.1, here, takes these," says Dex handing her some Tylenol to reduce her fever and a dose of her amoxicillin. "Let's get an IV in her, should help with the dehydration."

Ryan took her left wrist to remove her bracelets so they can put in an IV line. He opens alcohol prep pads to clean her skin for the IV as Dex breaks out the needle and tubes from the sterile packaging. Ryan, filled with anxiety, looked at Annie's face, "You're going to be okay." After all this time, he couldn't let anything happen to her and prayed that her heart was okay.

He's filled with worry for her, then he felt the raised scar that was hidden by the bracelets on her wrist. It was the scar from her attempt on her life after losing their baby. He hadn't seen it until just then. Annie realized what Ryan was looking at and pulled her hand away, tears rolling down her cheeks. Dex noticed that Ryan had stopped cleaning Annie's skin and he too saw the scars, "Let me, I think I've put in a line more recently than you have Boss." Dex continued to clean Annie's wrist with an alcohol swab and then deftly inserted the IV needle. "This should help hydrate you quickly. Getting some rest will help too."

The men pick Annie up off the floor of the plane and onto a chair that they had folded out into a bed.

"Sorry for all the trouble, thank you. Really, thank you all for getting me out. I think I would have died there if you hadn't come for me. Sabine, can you put her here next to me?" asked Annie. She fell asleep after spending five minutes reading the dossier. The exhaustion of her captivity, rescue and last few hours finally caught up with her.

The men all look at each other, worried. Ryan said what Calder had already been thinking, "We can't have the meet in Morocco now. If we take her to a hospital there and she gets admitted, we have less control over the situation.. . . . We can't let them get their hands on her medical records or get an exam on her, her med forms don't match reality."

"We go to Germany then, do we have enough fuel?" asked Calder.

"We're good on fuel," responded Dex.

There are seven more hours to their flight to Germany. Landstuhl, it's the closest option. Ryan and Calder go to work and inform Auggie and Joan of the latest developments. Both Auggie and Joan are worried for Annie and set out to find a CIA affiliated doctor to be ready in Germany. When Annie was involved, there was never a shortage of drama.


	62. Chapter 62: Nerves of Steel?

**Chapter 62**

Back in D.C. Joan Campbell couldn't get Annie Walker off her mind. She didn't expect Annie to turn up so soon and definitely not in this way. It worried her to hear that Annie took ill on the plane, but she trusted that Calder and McQuaid would do everything they could to make sure Annie received the care she needed. Joan had to let go for now.

As far as Joan knew, she was the only one who knew Kravec raped Annie. She planned on seeing Annie as soon as she got back to the States. She wondered how Annie managed those invisible scars the last eight months. It couldn't have been easy to be alone, then again, that was usually Annie's answer, to retreat, to deal with her problems on her own. Annie had trusted Joan and confided in her about the rape, it was a first and Joan knew what it took for Annie to ask for her help. Joan understood Annie's need to go at things alone and her hesitation to ask for help because she was the same.

Ben had refused to answer any of her queries about Annie or where she was headed. In the time Annie was in the wind, he had gone deep cover at a terrorist cell in Pakistan. Ben had managed to deliver critical and actionable intel on several terrorists and their plots in Pakistan and India. He even managed to sabotage two suicide bombings, saving countless lives. Fearing that his luck would run out, Joan was about to have him pulled. He would be apprehended and ostensibly taken to a CIA blacksite. After a period of debrief, he would be headed home. Joan had his next assignment in mind already.

/

Sabine made a small whimper in her sleep, she was in a bundle next to Annie. Ryan moved closer to check on her. He was directly above her when he saw how tiny she was and how little space she took up beside Annie. Despite how small she was, the noises coming from her grew louder and louder surprising him. For once, McQuaid was unsure of what to do, he just watched at first. A small hand came out of her blankets and began to stretch, her brows crunched up as if frustrated and her little mouth opened revealing the underside of her tongue. Then next thing he knew, she let out an ear piercing wail. He quickly lifted her up, not wanting her to wake Annie. Instinctively, he started shushing her and rocking her the way Annie had done earlier. It worked, amazingly. Calder walked over and said, "I could set my watch to her, two hours on the dot and she's ready for another feeding."

"Is that what it is? I picked her up because she started to cry as if her life depended on it," said McQuaid.

"That's just what she does when she's hungry. Come on, I'll fix her bottle," said Calder.

Ryan followed Calder to the galley, holding the small bundle in his arms. He looked back at Annie, she was still sleeping soundly which he was glad for, all his questions could wait, her health was his main concern. He had managed to quiet Sabine down and she was looking straight into his eyes making soft sounds. He felt her smooth cheeks with his finger and for the first time let himself wonder what his son would have looked like. Would he have had Annie's eyes or his? He hoped he would have her nose at least. Would his skin be just as soft as Sabine's? He looked back down and just like that Sabine melted his heart and he allowed his body to relax as he held her.

Ryan watched as Calder made Sabine's formula, with no one else to question, he went to work on Calder. "So, tell me more about Annie, you've spent more time with her than anyone else since she went off the grid."

"It's never easy coming back in after a long absence. The agency is grateful for Annie's service and we want to make sure she is fully debriefed and receives the support she needs, the order comes straight from the DNI. Walker has returned from imprisonment and once from a long absence without the requisite debriefs and counseling. Then the whole thing with Kravec put her over the edge. Her missions and experiences took a more significant toll on her than we previously assessed."

"Damn right they did! You talk like your agency takes care of its own when you've used Annie time after time with no regard for her well being, this recent mission nearly got her killed!"

"I feel badly about that, but there was no other alternative at the time in the end I didn't have to twist her arm, let me remind you that she came back to me and agreed to the assignment after Rachael died."

"Annie's service cost her more than you and I will ever know, a child, a carefree life where she doesn't have to look over her shoulder, she deserves to have a chance at happiness and security," said McQuaid.

"You're forgetting that she has to want that too…It will take some time, but she's strong, you've seen that today in how she handled herself. Sure, she's affected by her past, but she'll come out on top. She always seems to," said Calder confidently.

"You don't know her at all, what I see is an act, she's trying to be strong, but she's really not. Did you ask her about what happened after we rescued her? She lost it back there, was that normal to you?" said McQuaid piercingly.

Calder shot back, "What about your _own_ reaction out there? Was _that_ normal to you? Face it, we _all_ got issues McQuaid. It's all about how we keep them under wraps, she has always been good at handling herself."

"Has she? That's your professional assessment? Hasn't felt like that from my vantage point, someone who has it together doesn't make an attempt on her life and flee from those who care about her," retorted McQuaid sarcastically.

Calder finishes shaking up the bottle and handed Sabine's meal to McQuaid. "Go ahead, she knows what to do."

He went on to say, "Okay, I'll give you that, something snapped in her when she went after that guard. I'd argue what she did was within reason after what they put her through. He cut off a chunk of her hair. . ."

Ryan looked surprised at that news, "I don't know, the way she went after him, it was primal, it made me want to take care of him for her, I wanted to make him pay, for taking her," said McQuaid.

"Are we really talking about Kravec here?" asked Calder. "I get it, you wanted a little payback, I've been there man."

"From what I heard, you got your payback," said Ryan.

"Yeah, but we're not talking about me, we're talking about you and Walker." Calder was still raw from losing Stephanie and he didn't like talking about it.

Ryan nodded as he looked down at Sabine sucking on her bottle.

"Look, Annie has shown she's still sharp as a tack, her instincts are still there, her wits are still about her. She ascertained that I had no chance to turn Musa alone and she was right. I needed her today, the CIA needed her and she came through. She turned an asset with her signature persuasion skills. She made her way here in what seemed like an impossible situation. She was physically weaker than I've seen her, but she pushed her body to get to the plane with a baby in tow. She might have been gone for eight months, but she didn't forget her training and the core of who she is," said Calder.

"Tell me more about her, what was she like when you first approached her."

"She wasn't happy to see me that's for sure. I broke into her place and definitely spooked her by appearing inside her apartment. You may not be privy to everything Annie has done for this country. She had nerves of steel. Before I knew it she arrived home and had me on my knees."

Ryan chuckled thinking, that was his girl. He had seen her work over many men.

"You said, she _had _nerves of steel?"

"When I turned around, her weapon was drawn, but her hands. . . they were shaking. She was genuinely terrified before she realized it was me. And when she realized it was me, she practically tore my head."

Ryan took in what Calder reported. All the extra locks and dead bolts he saw at her place made sense. Going thousands of miles away didn't give her a feeling of security. "Did you notice all the extra locks at her place?"

"All spies are paranoid man and she's one heck of a spy as you know. In time Annie will be fine."

"I hope you're right," said Ryan.

Calder put out his arms for Sabine. "I've had a chance to rest since her last feeding, so let me take her, she'll probably need another new diaper after this bottle. She'll be up in another two hours so better catch some Zzzs." Ryan handed Sabine to Calder and went back to the chair besides Annie. As he closed his eyes, he thought about what Calder said about Annie's "nerves of steel". He agreed, she was one tough woman, but what he saw in her after all these months wasn't made of steel, what he saw was vulnerability.

/ /

Annie was completely drained and slept in the darkened corner of the plane for a couple of hours before she started to struggle in her sleep. Ryan who had been asleep nearby woke to her mumbling, he thought he heard her say, "No, No, No." She was completely disoriented when Ryan tried to wake her. He attempted to calm her down by stroking her hair and holding her hand. His touch caused her to react violently to him, she struck him with all her might before Calder woke to the commotion and turned on the lights.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know, she had a nightmare or it's the fever talking, she didn't seem to know where she was. . ."

Annie had backed into a corner and was looking around, trying to make sense of what was happening. She finally let out a deep breath before putting her head in her hands. Ryan approached her slowly, "Annie you're okay, you're safe, we're on a plane. Mali is far away, it's all behind you now." He had no idea that her nightmare wasn't about Mali. What happened in Mali only served to trigger terrible memories that Annie spent the last eight months trying to erase. Annie wiped away her tears. Her nightmare seemed so vivid.

Sabine's cries reached Annie's ears causing her to compose herself, "Sabine, I want to hold her," Annie managed to say. By then Ryan was next to Annie, "May I take your temperature, you felt really warm."

Annie nodded as McQuaid put the thermometer to her forehead as he rubbed the spot on his chest where Annie slugged him. Within seconds it beeped.

"It's 103.1, Annie, you're fighting some infection and we're not sure what's causing the fever, it could be contagious. We need to keep Sabine away in case she gets sick. . . " said Ryan. He helped her back into bed. He was not sure what else to do, there's another couple of hours left of their flight and Annie wasn't fighting the fever on her own.

Annie looked worried, the last thing she wanted was to cause Sabine to get sick, "You're right, she was sleeping next to me earlier. You think she'll be all right?"

"I think so," said Ryan reassuringly.

"You should stay away too then," said Annie as she settled back down into the makeshift bed. Her head was throbbing and her heart was pounding fiercely.

"I'll take the risk, you want to talk about it?" asked Ryan as he handed her a glass of water and some more Tylenol and antibiotics. There was so much he wanted to ask her, he didn't know where to begin, but he thought it best to focus on the present and not the past.

"I just thought I was somewhere else, I'm sorry I hit you."

"I'm glad you're here to hit me, you're still pretty strong for a sick person, I'm not proud to say it, but you could still kick my ass if you wanted to," he said trying to make light of the situation. Annie thought he was always good at that, making jokes and being positive despite circumstances. It was one of the qualities she missed the most about Ryan.

"Where were you?"

"Huh?"

"You said you thought you were somewhere else."

Annie had to think fast, "It was dark, I thought I was still in that darkened hut for a minute."

Ryan looked at her with compassion she felt she didn't deserve. She just lied to him, how many more lies would she have to make up? Annie closed her eyes, she had to get it together or there would be more questions. He sensed that she didn't want to talk more about it.

"We can keep the lights on. Do you remember what we talked about earlier?"

Annie remembered reading a file on Katie Porter, a more elaborate profile than the one she had worked up for herself. She nodded.

"You have to maintain your cover. Calder said he will take care of Sabine until you're discharged and they send you home."

"We're headed to a hospital?"

"Well, yeah, Dex and me, we're good, but we can't figure out the source of your fever or tell if your heart is okay or not. You need blood work, probably an EKG, and stronger antibiotics. Don't worry Auggie and Barber are working on it. We're headed to a military hospital where we have control over the doctors and information."

"Okay, Calder said he'd take care of Sabine?"

"Yeah, hard to believe huh? But she's hard to resist, I got to hold her for a bit earlier. He's been hogging her," smiled Ryan.

Annie smiled back. "Since I'm up, I'll finish reading my file."

"I can read it to you, all you have to do is listen, but are you sure you don't want to talk about the nightmare you just had or what happened the last couple of days?" asked Ryan as he looked right into her eyes. Annie shook her head. "I'd rather focus on the future."

"Okay then," said Ryan with hesitation.

She shifted to a sitting position. "Do I really need this?" asked Annie pointing to the IV. It made her feel stuck and not in control. In truth, it reminded her of losing her baby.

"It will help with your dehydration, trust me," said Ryan while watching Annie as she closed her eyes and took deep breaths. She was trying not to focus on the needle inside her vein. "Everything okay?" asked Ryan.

"I'm okay."

Ryan didn't believe her, but he adjusted her IV and then spread a blanket on the floor beside her. He grabbed a pillow to prop against the plane and started to read her dossier to her. She's definitely not the same woman he encountered on the tarmac in Chicago, but despite the heartache she caused him, he loved her still.

After reading a few pages of the file, Annie drifted back to sleep with Ryan on the floor beside her.


	63. Chapter 63: First Flashback

**Chapter 63**

After Calder reported that Annie's fever had returned and the Tylenol and antibiotics weren't doing the trick, Auggie found it hard to concentrate on work. His thoughts constantly turned to Annie as he wondered how she was coping. Over the last eight months he trusted that she knew what she was doing and from the looks of it she did fine for herself in Mali until this random kidnapping. Joan and Auggie had arranged for CIA affiliated doctors to be on stand-by, ready to receive Katie Porter at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. Medical records matching Katie's were available and they had prepped the staff that would be taking care of Katie to be discreet about Annie's past injuries and surgeries. Auggie wanted to fly to Germany to see Annie, but Joan denied him permission stating that Katie Porter had to maintain her cover and Auggie wasn't a part of that cover. Joan reminded him that Annie was in McQuaid's capable hands.

"Auggie, the best you can do is provide cover support for her debrief with the K&R firm and her employers. When she makes it back to D.C., we'll all see her."

"I guess another couple of days in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal," sighed Auggie.

/

Ryan spent the last couple of hours of the flight in the cockpit where he had taken over for Dex so the young man could get a couple of hours of sleep. Flying was always soothing for him, a pastime and necessity he enjoyed as it afforded him time to think amidst his busy schedule. Solutions and mission plans, new business ideas often came to him midflight. As he manned the controls, he made up his mind, it might be a leap, but he wasn't going to take no from Annie for an answer. . .He called his assistant and asked that he stock his home with anything and everything a two month old baby might need and rattled off a list of grocery items he knew Annie liked to have on hand. He also needed him to get the boxes inside the garage into the house and have the nursery furniture assembled. McQuaid was feeling pretty confident and hopeful when he got off the phone.

As he entered German airspace McQuaid woke Dex and asked him to return to the cockpit. He made a cup of coffee just the way Annie liked it at his Nespresso machine, then went to wake her. He sat down next to her and said her name softly while tapping her shoulder gently.

There was no response or movement from Annie. Ryan's brows furrowed as he tapped her shoulder with more force, she was last up about three hours ago before falling asleep as he read her file to her. He should have checked on her earlier, but he figured she needed a good stretch of sleep after the last couple of days. He put down the coffee he made and tried with both hands to shake her. No matter what he tried, she still didn't stir. His mind raced as he felt her pulse and wondered what else he could do. Her skin felt warm and sweaty. He felt her head, it was hot, hotter than before. He ran to the galley to get a cool cloth and a bag of ice.

"What's the matter boss?" shouted Dex from the cockpit when he noticed his boss running.

"Annie's unconscious, get this baby down as fast as you can and radio the team on stand-by, they're going to have to meet us on the tarmac," commanded Ryan as he attempted to maintain control over his emotions.

Ryan hadn't taken her temperature, but just by touch he could tell she was burning up again. He ran back to Annie and placed the cool cloth on the back of her neck. Ryan grabbed the thermometer and put it to her forehead. The digital reading came up immediately, 104F. Ryan was thankful that they would be at the hospital in less than 20 minutes. As he placed the bag of ice on Annie's forehead, she shook her head and mumbled, "The baby, the baby."

"She's fine. Sleeping in Calder's arms," whispered Ryan tenderly.

Ryan put an oxygen mask on Annie and noted that her blood pressure was low. He put his head in his heads as he went to God once more on her behalf, whispering supplications that he hoped would be answered again. Annie remained unconscious for the remainder of the flight.

/ /

McQuaid's plane landed at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, where Annie was taken immediately to the trauma center by a team of doctors and nurses on stand-by. Calder and Dex headed straight to McQuaid's safehouse with Sabine. After a good night's rest in a real bed, Dex would head home. Calder would continue to do his job heading counter-terrorism surveillance in Africa from the safehouse while caring for Sabine. McQuaid along with Katie Porter's parents who arrived shortly before they did waited for news on Annie.

Ryan was completely exhausted having spent most of the plane ride over awake. Calder tried to convince him to take a shower and get some rest while Annie was being checked out, but he refused. As he waited for news on Annie's condition, he recalled being with her at Walter Reed back in D.C. after she was tortured by Kravec. She wasn't in her right mind back then, he had been afraid for her, the way she talked, pushed him away, and refused pain meds. He naively thought she was just in shock and would snap out of it with time. He left her to run an errand, something he regretted all these months because she disappeared while he wasn't there. He vowed to not leave her side again.

Annie was fighting off an unknown infection and severe dehydration. They wouldn't know what until some tests came back. He prayed that whatever it was didn't attack her heart, she had been through enough already. Her home these last few months had been outfitted with many locks, she still kept a gun with her, and all the meds he found back at her apartment in Mali concerned him. He spent time looking them up and they weren't for her heart. He was forming for himself a picture of what her frame of mind must have been like since she took off. It's not that he ever thought she was living a carefree life, he worried for her the last eight months, even before he had a clue about her reality. Now he just hoped that she would be able to get through her debrief with her employers. Naively he thought it would be the last hurdle she had to overcome before being free to go home.

/ /

Blood work revealed that Annie had contracted dengue fever, thankfully it is not transmitted from person to person, but through mosquito bites. The only course of treatment is to manage the fever and dehydration. Annie's heart appeared to be unscatched much to everyone's relief, but the doctors recommended that she remain on antibiotics as a precaution to prevent reinfection of her mitral valve. They ordered that Annie remain in the hospital for the next couple of days for observation and to watch for signs of complications associated with dengue fever.

McQuaid was able to buy a few extra hours before Annie would have to meet with the K & R firm and human resources reps from the African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative. Annie's illness would actually serve to gain her more sympathy and McQuaid banked on the fact that they would reduce their questions and make the interviews and debriefs easy on Annie.

Katie Porter's parents, the former CIA operatives, along with Ryan kept vigil by her bedside. Annie woke up confused and disoriented in the darkened hospital room. It looked eerily similar to the last time she was confined to a hospital bed about eight months ago. She's completely disoriented from the fever and thinks she's back at Walter Reed, "Please someone check on my baby, is my baby okay, please my baby. . ." shouted Annie repeatedly to the confused couple sitting in her room. A nurse had rushed in upon hearing the shouting. The nurse is confused about Annie's insistence that they check on the baby. Ryan had dozed off in the room and when he woke to Annie's voice, he assumed she meant Sabine.

After she repeatedly referred to, "My baby," Ryan realized Annie was asking about her baby and he stopped in his tracks momentarily, his stomach in knots. Unlike Annie, he knows where he is and he knows the truth. . .as much as he didn't want to tell her their baby was long gone, she needed to know. It pained him to see Annie go through this. . . at the same time he had a mission to complete and his operative was a loose cannon.

"Give us a moment, please" said Ryan to everyone in the room. The nurse said, "I'll go get the doctor." Ryan motioned to the Porters to follow her out to manage the situation, though he had been assured that the staff assigned to Annie had been vetted by the CIA, he was ultimately responsible for maintaining Annie's cover. She can't blow her cover with talk about a baby.

Ryan sat besides Annie, who was now sitting up, "Shh, shh, you're okay, are you talking about the babies at the clinic in Mali where you worked the last few months? They're all okay, you're okay, we're in Germany now. You're safe."

Annie looked into Ryan's eyes. Was that really him? He looked different, he wasn't hurt from being shot by Kravec. He had a beard that she reached out to touch, "You're alive, he didn't kill you."

Touched that she obviously cared, he whispered, "Yeah, I'm fine, but. . ."

"What about the baby?" interrupted Annie confused.

"Annie, we're not in Virginia, we're in a military hospital in Germany, a lot of time has passed from the time you're referring to. . ." said Ryan as he watched for her reaction.

"Oh," said Annie as she crossed her arms and started to cry. Ryan tried to put his arms around her, but she waved him off and lay back down sobbing into the pillow. Ryan wanted so much to hold her, they never had time to cry together over their son, Annie was stoic back then and so focused on the D&C, she pushed him away and not knowing how to react he let her. . .

Ryan watched her body's slight movements, a result of her crying, he took off his shoes and climbed into the hospital bed. He enveloped her with his arms and said through his own tears, "It's okay, cry for as long as you want. He deserves our tears." His words made her sobs even more pronounced. After a couple of minutes, Ryan says, "Do you remember what I said to you back then?" Annie shakes her head.

"I said, I was a happy man, that what counts is you are here, you're alive, we got the bad guy and he's not getting out again. We're going to celebrate when I get you back home. . . do you remember?"

Annie managed a nod.

"Annie I meant all those things months ago and I mean them now."

Annie's sobs had slowed, she wiped her tears.

Ryan managed a smile and climbed out of bed giving Annie's arm a squeeze while handing her his handkerchief. "We'll get through this, we have lots to work through and I want to do it together."

"I'd like something to drink."

"I can't promise a beer or bourbon, but be right back."

When Ryan left, Annie looked around and got her bearings, when she realized she was in a hospital room, her heart started to race. She broke into a sweat and couldn't seem to catch her breath as she tried to get out of bed. Since fleeing her life in D.C. Annie had experienced the very same symptoms a handful of times. At first she thought the virus that attacked her heart had returned. It felt so similar to one of her episodes, she felt the same doom she felt before she passed out.

Annie flashed back to her conversation with Avram before she left for Africa. Avram whom she turned to said, "You may have an anxiety disorder of some sort. The symptoms are similar. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist." More doctors, Annie had to let out a laugh, _her heart was no longer the problem, it was her head that was a mess_.

Annie asked Avram what she needed, "I am not a psychiatrist, but I imagine Valium, Prozac, maybe Xanax." She asked him to prescribe the meds for her.

He agreed, but he left her with a warning, "Therapy and medicine go hand in hand in treating what I think you have, I strongly recommend you find a therapist to work through your anxiety."

And so Annie carried the meds with her, and took them as a last resort when she couldn't stop the feeling of the walls closing in on her. Finding herself lying in a hospital bed _again_, she couldn't think straight, she just needed to breathe, she couldn't shake the intense fear and doom, so her flight instincts kicked in. She felt she lost control again, she felt trapped, a prisoner again, all the raw emotions she felt while at Walter Reed rushed back at once.

Annie frantically takes off the oxygen tubes and heart monitor probes. The IV felt to her like zipties on her wrists, so she ripped off the tape in order to remove the IV. She needed to be free from the tubes tethering her in place and started gasping for air as the tears came.

Annie grits her teeth as she removes the needle for her IV, there are two bags hanging, one is filled with a strong antibiotic and the other is filled with fluids to help stem Annie's dehydration. The machines start to beep. Annie is wobbly when she gets out of bed, just as McQuaid returned. A nurse is on his heels because of the beeping.

Getting out of bed so quickly caused Annie to fall to the floor, Ryan went to lift her up, but she shook off his grip and baked away towards the windows, still gasping, trying to get in a deep breath.

"Where are my clothes?" she manages to spit out while trembling. "Katie, remember? Katie, you can't leave yet, you're still being monitored for severe dehydration and dengue fever. You've been through an ordeal and your parents are outside. Let's get back in bed, we need to restart your IV," said the nurse.

"No, no, no, I can't, I have to get out of here," says an increasingly agitated Annie.

"Wait a second, let's give her a minute," says Ryan looking very concerned. "Let me talk to her."

The nurse nods. "I'll see what the hold up is with the doctor and be back with a new IV."

"Annie, what happened? Look at me, take a deep breath and look at me," as he reaches his hands out to touch her shoulders. Annie instinctively backs away, "I can't be here, I need to get out. . . I can't breathe. . . Please. . ."

"Annie, we lost the baby eight months ago, do you remember what's happened since?" God how it pained him to say those words to Annie, to hurt her all over again, he felt like he was stabbing himself. Ryan swallows as he looks intently at Annie shaking, she's a complete mess, waving her hands at her face and trying to gasp for air as she paces the area by the windows trying to get them to open.

"I know, I know," said Annie. For Annie, the scene from eight months ago when she found out that her baby was healthy and only died as a result of the trauma inflicted on her body replayed itself. "They don't open!" she shouts in distress. It's the smell, the sounds, the hospital bed, the whole room, "I need some air. Please." Annie felt nauseous and began dry heaving.

"There's a terrace down the hall, I can take you there," responds Ryan calmly despite his own growing panic.

The nurse came back with supplies to start a new IV.

"Excuse me, she really needs to stay in bed, she nearly passed out when she got up."

Ryan says authoritatively, "I take full responsibility, give us a few minutes outside, she needs some air. I promise to get her back."

The nurse relents, "I'll get you a wheelchair."

Ryan was supporting Annie by the window as she tried to take deep breaths. When the nurse returned he helped her into the wheelchair, "Get us when the doctor is here, will you?" said Ryan to the nurse.

Annie is better once in the hallway, the multiple exits made her feel less closed in and trapped. As soon as her face hits the sunshine and fresh cool air, she is able to take in deeper breaths. She puts her hands on her upper arms rubbing them. The open air feels good, but it's also cold since she's only wearing a thin hospital gown. Ryan brought her wheelchair near a bench. He sat down and faced her. "Better?"

Annie looked at his handsome face and felt comforted, remembering moments they shared brought her some relief. She took some deep breaths, "Yeah."

"You need to play a part remember?"

He took off his jacket and placed it over Annie's shoulders. The wind is blowing her shorter hair into her tear soaked face.

"Thanks," managed Annie as she takes another deep breath and looks down at her hands in her lap. He watched her for another minute before she lifts her head up and asks, "Where's Sabine?"

"Sabine is fine. Calder is on baby duty at my safehouse nearby."

Annie looked relieved.

Ryan looked intently at her, unsure of what to say, he was still processing the entire scene that just happened.

"Would these help?" Ryan sets a knee down by the wheelchair and takes out some pill bottles from the pocket of the jacket he put on Annie. She looks at the bottles and then up into Ryan's eyes. She recognized them immediately, Xanax, Valium, and Prozac. "I saw them in your medicine cabinet back in Mali."

She can't look him in the eyes, she's filled with shame. She hated weakness. . . her own weakness especially. She hated that he witnessed her having a breakdown.

"Annie, why did you think you had to go through this alone all these months? These meds are at least seven months old, never refilled, if they will help, you should take them. You don't need to be stoic. When the baby didn't make it, I know what it did to you, but I'm glad you're alive. I'm here, I've always been here, it was hard on me too you know."

Annie looked at Ryan, "You didn't deserve my demons Ryan. Please stop being so nice to me, don't forget what I did to you," said Annie starring off, not meeting Ryan's eyes.

Ryan rubbed his beard and let out a deep sigh. "Neither of us deserved to go through the hell of losing a child, I wish we could have mourned him together, there's still time for that. We found our way back to each other for a reason and I'm not going to let you go through this on your own."

"It's not going to bring him back," said Annie tearfully.

He touches her knee and looks at her, "We have lots of time to talk later. You need to be 100% in about two hours, please take these."

"The fresh air helped. I've tried to work it out on my own. I'm fine. I don't need them."

Ryan dwelled on her words, "on my own" and "I'm fine." She's been alone when she didn't have to be and she didn't rely on the meds she had to deal with her anxiety.

He knew her and he knew she was done talking about it so he changed the subject.

"Okay, let's go over things, what is the last thing you remember?"

Annie closes her eyes, "Lying on the plane, holding Sabine, feeling dizzy and hot."

"Yeah, you were dehydrated when we got you out and it was worsened by having to walk miles in the heat, then you developed a fever. You've been out for about 12 hours. Because of the fever and the need to maintain your cover, we've kept Sabine away."

Annie looks worried. "I promised Bobby and I owe it to Rachel to take care of her, I need to see her."

Ryan tries to assure Annie. "Calder is taking care of Sabine at a nearby safehouse of mine. He's actively reviewing the chaos on the ground in Mali and your intel is proving very instrumental. A pediatrician checked Sabine when we landed and she's fine, completely healthy, no signs of dehydration. You did a good job keeping her fed, though at your own expense."

Annie is relieved. "Can I see her?"

"Annie, we need to get through your debrief first, we'll see Sabine when the folks from K & R are long gone. This is a military hospital, you're safe here. Remember we just need to maintain your cover until after you meet with your "employers" as Katie Porter. Do you remember any of that?"

"Some of it. . . I guess."

"I was just on the phone with the executive director of the Initiative going over what happened with Kathy Porter's rescue and how we will proceed. Their reps from your organization are coming to check on you, apologize for your ordeal and offer you some kind of help. Medical coverage, therapy, paid leave, that sort of thing. You'll maintain your cover and say you need time before returning to work. In another couple of months, you'll be free to be Annie Walker again."

"What if I don't want to be Annie Walker again?"

Ryan sighs, "Let's talk about it later, right now we need to get you back to bed."

"Ryan don't make me say why I can't be strapped to this bed. I've had enough of hospitals, IVs, and medicine for two lifetimes. I can't go back to that bed. Please."

Ryan is sympathetic, they have not broached what happened that led Annie to run. He now understood her reaction to waking up in a hospital more than anyone else.

"It's just for another couple of days. You can do it. I've got your street clothes in a bag, that will help and I'm not leaving you," said Ryan tenderly.

"I can't do this, tell them I'm fine, tell them I just wanted to go home, please."

Ryan sees the panic return and tries to calm Annie. "We can't, we've worked hard to keep this out of the media, to keep your face from being recognized internationally. Look your dad was a mentor of mine in the Navy, I did him a favor getting you out, your organization is happy to have saved ransom and saved their reputation, I need you to pull it together, I'm going to work on getting you out quickly, but you still have the deal with the debriefs from the Initiative. They want to keep this out of the media as much as Calder and I do. The HR rep and the risk management rep will be here soon. You need to maintain some composure while she questions you about the kidnapping, but it a way your current state may play in your favor. It's a basic meeting. They will offer you some sort incentive to keep quiet about your kidnapping. They don't want to spook potential and currently employees or get in trouble with any nations they have relationships with."

I'll see if I can get Calder here with Sabine to visit after your meeting.

"I won't think any less of you if you take these to get through the next few hours."

Annie honestly didn't have the strength to argue with Ryan, so she took the pills and swallowed them as Ryan wheeled her back to the room.


	64. Chapter 64: Scars

**Chapter 64: Scars**

Ryan's phone vibrated in his pocket as he wheeled Annie back to her room. He looked at his phone, it was Jim who was in Cairo. Ryan had been avoiding Jim's calls. He figured if it had to do with their client, he'd leave a voicemail or text. None of his calls resulted in any messages, so he let this most recent one go unanswered. Dealing with Jim wasn't high on his list of priorities. He needed to focus on closing out this operation and getting Annie back to D.C. He also had his own emotions to unravel and the lack of sleep wasn't helping him any.

Ryan leaned down to speak into Annie's ear, "Feeling any better?"

"I can't go back."

"We talked about it outside, you just need to get through the interviews and debriefs, we'll make the room as un-hospital like as possible, okay?"

"I was referring to us."

Ryan's jaw tensed up and he tightened his grip on the handles of the wheelchair. He found her so infuriating at times. How quickly they fell back into their pattern. . .this was their dynamic from the beginning, her pushing him away, putting up barriers and him reaching out, chiseling away at her walls. He had finally won her over for a few short weeks before things went to hell. He wanted so much to shake her and tell her to stop being so stubborn, couldn't she see how much he still loved her, didn't that matter? He knew challenging her would only cause her to withdraw more, especially in her current condition. McQuaid was a man of discipline, hashing things out could wait. . . hell, he had waited the better part of the year, another couple of days he could handle. . .

"Focus on getting healthy and the meeting for now, the HR reps will be here in a bit along with the reps from their risk management firm. Don't get rattled by their questions, try to keep the responses as close to the truth as possible," replied Ryan choosing not to address Annie's remark.

Annie nodded.

"We'll get you settled back into the room and go over some possible questions, then you'll take whatever offer they give you, and we can see about getting out of here early okay?"

"What kind of questions?"

"Basics, recounting the kidnapping, the events leading up to it, your time in captivity, the rescue, and after."

"What do I say about the clinic and Sabine?"

"Nothing, you went back to the clinic to say good-bye, grabbed some personal items, and that's it."

"We can go over the timeline again."

/ /

By the time they reached Annie's room, she had calmed down significantly, the diazepam a.k.a. Valium was working. She asked Ryan for her clothes. Ryan went to the small wardrobe and got out Annie's bag, he set it on the foot of the bed for her. As Annie stood from the wheelchair, a tie on the back of her gown came loose revealing what appeared to be a six inch long scar on Annie's back. McQuaid's eyes blinked, he did a double-take as he reached out and moved aside the right panel of her gown revealing scars of various lengths and shapes. McQuaid had seen a lot of crazy messed up shit in the field without batting an eye, but because it was _her_, his stomach turned at the sight of her back.

Ryan, with clench teeth and fists was afraid to see the rest, what he saw on the right side of her back was a mess of gnarled and raised slashes, scars resulting from stitches and what appeared to be burn marks. Wounds he didn't see after she was rescued from Kravec's clutches. His face drained of color as he wondered how much pain she endured while those scars were being inflicted on her and how much pain she must have suffered as they healed. She had refused all pain medication while he was in the hospital with her all those months ago. Visions of her being tortured by Kravec filled his head. No wonder she was so broken and jumpy. Finally, he reached out and touched her bare back.

Annie, still weakened from Dengue fever, yet relaxed due to the alprazolam (Xanax) and diazepam (Valium) cocktail she took was slow to react to his touch. She barely felt his fingertips brush her back when she turned around. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, it took Annie a bit to realize her gown had started to come undone, but once she did, she let out a gasp as she put a hand to her mouth and the other hand on the back of her gown in an attempt to close it back up. When their eyes met, she saw the shock and pity on his face and was reminded of why she made the decision to leave him. She **never **wanted him to see those scars. She hated feeling _so_ vulnerable, _so_ out-of-control and _so_ ugly. She didn't want his pity, his guilt, or his sympathy.

Annie looked away from his teary eyes, all she could manage in a small whisper was, "Just go. . ."

Ryan's mind raced, what other injuries had she sustained? The records he got from Walter Reed didn't mention any of the injuries to her back.

His previously carefully controlled emotions took over, though just a minute ago he was focused on the mission at hand, his anger rose up, anger he had bottled up and he shouted, "Fucking Kravec! He did that to you didn't he?" He didn't quite know what he expected to hear from her, but he knocked the hospital issue tub and pitcher of water on her tray table onto the floor, "God damn that son-of-a-bitch!"

Annie continued to look away, she wasn't frightened of him, she knew he'd never hurt her intentionally, _but_ he was hurting her by saying _his name_ and making her relive her ordeal. If the drugs weren't already pulsing through her body, she might have lost it again. . . she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and with a trembling voice said, "Please go."

Realizing that he had scared her with his misplaced anger, Ryan approached her quickly, "I'm sorry. . .I. . ." Annie backed away shaking her head, "Don't apologize, just go."

Katie Porter's mother walked in with coffees and a smile that instantly disappeared when she "read" the scene she happened upon. Ryan swallowed hard, he regretted losing his temper in front of Annie and made his way towards the door, looking back he said to Mrs. Porter, "Please help her get dressed," as he hurriedly walked to the door. "The nurse will want to put an IV back in when she sees that Annie is back."

/ /

Ryan ran his hands through his beard, his mind was still racing, he couldn't get the image of Annie's scars out of his head. Her entire back was littered with them. He thought back to recovering her from Cuba. She never let on about any other injuries, her singular focus was on their child. He was full of pent up aggression that needed release. He went into the men's room where he kicked the door of a stall with such tremendous force that it came unhinged. With fury McQuaid proceeded to pound on the wall behind the toilet of the stall until he bore a hole in it revealing the pipes beyond the drywall. With each punch, he pictured Kravec's face and wished he had finished him off. That man was lucky he was locked up.

After he was done letting out his aggressions, he went to the sink and splashed cold water on his face. The water that fell back into the sink was tinged with blood from his knuckles. He had to get it together. He was reminded of a time when Annie allowed him a minute to lose his shit, then she said she needed him to focus because they were in it together. He told himself, she needed him to focus again. He had to get it together for her sake and for the sake of the operation. He added the scars to his list of questions, questions he began to fear may never be answered by Annie Walker.

The phone in his pocket was vibrating again. Jim probably.

/ /

The woman acting as Katie Porter's mother had been an operative in Eastern Europe for ten years during the Cold War, then a handler and finally the head of a task force on Eastern Block relations. She was well versed in CIA protocols. She had been given clearance to read most of Annie Walker's employment files. She spoke German, Russian, Polish, Yiddish and Hebrew. She had also once been Joan Campbell's handler and remained good friends with her after retiring from the CIA to pursue a second career as a high school counselor and occasional language tutor. Joan had hand-picked Rosemary Janowski to play Katie Porter's mother and to report back to her on Annie's health and state-of-mind.

Katie's mother picked up the pitcher of water and empty tub off the floor. She dialed housekeeping and asked for someone to come mop up the water.

Then she went to straight to Katie's bag.

"Oh dear, none of what you have in this bag will do Katie. . .it's all made for hot desert weather. I'll have to go shop for some new clothes or we'll go together once you're up and about," said Mrs. Porter as she took out the contents of Katie's go bag. "Another month and it will officially be winter. . .one good thing to come out of this ordeal is that you'll be home for the holidays. Oh how did this year fly by?" she asked wistfully. One of Rosemary's signature traits had always been putting people at ease with her ability to talk about anything and everything.

Annie was quiet, replaying the scene that just transpired between her and Ryan.

Mrs. Porter continued to go through the contents of Annie's bag while studying Annie's expressions from the foot of the bed. Her charge was obviously lost in thought.

"Okay, this white button down tank will have to do and these linen khakis. You can use my pashmina shawl to accessorize and stay warm."

Annie finally spoke, "Would you go check on Ryan?"

"Honey, he'll be fine."

"I've only ever seen him that angry once before."

"And I'm sure it won't be the last time. Men like McQuaid are much like your father, they have a cool exterior and rarely get angry, but when they do, they're usually filled with righteous indignation. It's best to let him cool off and come 'round on his own. Don't forget I've known him longer than you, he's solid and stubborn like your father. . ., now do you want to change out here or in the bathroom?"

Annie looked over at her "mother" and wondered if she really knew McQuaid professionally or if she was really that good at her cover.

"I can manage."

Mrs. Porter walked closer to Annie. "It's not a sign of weakness to accept help, it's actually a mark of great strength to know when to ask for help. I was sent to support your cover, but also to support an operative in need. I'm an old friend and colleague of Joan's," said Rosemary in a mother knows best tone.

Since housekeeping had showed up, Rosemary led Annie into the bathroom. Once inside and out of possible earshot of any uncleared hospital employees, Mrs. Porter introduced herself. She also passed her a phone number that Joan had given her. "Joan said to call her anytime you need to talk." Annie nodded.

Upon seeing the shower stall, Annie said, "I can't remember the last time I showered, is there time for one?"

"I say if there isn't, we make them wait!" said Rosemary firmly. "A shower would do you wonders. I'll get some towels and your undergarments, I think I came across some in your bag."

With that Annie was left on her own, solitude she was thankful for. She turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up. Rosemary returned with the towels and her undergarments, leaving them on the small stool by the shower.

The hot water felt great as it hit Annie's skin and scalp. What she really wanted was to soak in a bathtub, but a long hot shower was the next best thing. The scrubbing she had done on the plane took off a great deal of dust and grime, but the grey water hitting the shower floor indicated that there was even more dirt on her body. The hot water soothed Annie's sore and achy body. She shampooed herself three times making sure she got all the dust and sand from her scalp before working in the conditioner.

As soon as she was able to, she was going to get a haircut to even out her hair. Annie wasn't vain or a super girly girl though she could certainly play the part if she wanted to, but she did like to look neat and put together. She knew he didn't mean to, but the look on Ryan's face when he caught sight of her scars made Annie feel marred and unattractive. It didn't make sense, she had no sexual feelings or desires since Kravec savagely raped her, but she needed to feel beautiful, clean, and attractive for no one but herself.

When Annie turned off the shower, Rosemary was waiting with a towel. The nurse had voiced concern that Annie was showering, worried that she may lose her balance or pass out, so Rosemary kept vigil outside with the door ajar. After she helped Annie dry her hair and get into clean clothes, she helped her back into bed. When Rosemary saw her scars, she didn't react visibly or audibly.

The nurse restarted Annie's IV and the doctor came in to review Annie's vitals. None of her previous feelings of being constrained over the IV returned, maybe the anti-anxiety medicine wasn't such a bad thing thought Annie. The doctor ordered more blood work and said she needed to have follow-up EKGs to monitor her heart, but that could be taken care of once she got back to the U.S. Rosemary settled Annie back into bed so she could rest.

/ /

Ryan spent sometime trying to catch up on his work, but truthfully he couldn't concentrate for more than a few minutes before his mind wandered. He wasn't sure how he was going to face Annie, he felt terrible for losing his temper and scaring her. Rosemary found him in the waiting room and said, "Annie's dressed and resting. IV's back in, if you want to go over the timeline with her, you'd better get to it."

"How is she?"

"You'll have to ask her yourself dear."

"She won't give me an honest answer."

"Well, that should give you a clue no?"

"She's always been hard to figure out."

"Are you familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?"

Ryan looked puzzled, of course he knew Maslow's theories, but he never applied them to Annie.

"At the most basic level, she hasn't had food, water, adequate shelter or sleep for a number of days. Let her catch up on those basic needs. At the next level, safety and security was taken away from her months ago, she needs to get back the feeling that nothing bad is lurking around the corner."

Ryan thought of her need to be safe from him, how she covered up her tracks so meticulously in an effort to stay away and how she was obviously living in fear due to the locks and deadbolts at her place.

Rosemary continued, "She needs safety and security, not just physically, but psychologically. I think she'll be stuck there for a long, long time before she can move on to the next stage. _True and long lasting_ friendship, connection and intimacy requires a feeling of safety and security. Then after that is self-esteem and self-actualization. She has a long road before recovery and she'll need support."

"Sounds like you speak from experience."

"Not the kind she's had, but I know a thing or two about loss and climbing out of despair," said Rosemary as she patted Ryan's back.

"Thanks for the insight."

"Sometimes an outsider can provide a fresh perspective; shift one's thinking. Have you considered talking to someone to help work through your own feelings?"

McQuaid said nothing in response.

Never one to feel like she had crossed the line, Rosemary simply said, "Think about it."


	65. Chapter 65: You Gave Up on Me

**Chapter 65: You Gave Up on Me**

Note: Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate the positive feedback.

Jim finally left a voicemail Ryan listened to while icing his hand. "I heard Annie had to be hospitalized, hope she's okay. We're all squared away here in Cairo, if you need me to stop in Germany before heading home, call me."

Ryan texted Jim: No need. Fill you in when I'm back in the office.

Ryan called his assistant Costa, "Would you ask the dog-sitter to get Ruby bathed and groomed before I get home and make a lunch appointment for me with my old friend Bennett Wong at Walter Reed. I have a few questions to ask him."

"Got it boss. I just sent you some RFPs that came in, some interesting operations to bid on, take a look and let me know what I can start doing."

"Thanks Costa, should be back in D.C. in two days, maybe three at the most."

/ /

McQuaid looked in on Annie from the door of her hospital room. She looked so peaceful with her head resting on the stuffed German Shepherd. He didn't want to disturb her, but the ice cream he picked up was probably melting. He wondered for a moment if he should go in, unsure of himself, unsure of how she would receive his peace offering after the scene he made earlier. Ultimately, his uncertainty over how prepared she was for the meeting superseded his uncertainty about how she'd react to him, so he proceeded to enter the room.

The sound of approaching footsteps startled Annie, her eyes shot open as she instinctively reached under her pillow for her firearm. Annie reached all over the sheets and found nothing. He noted her tense reaction and the look of fear that came across her face. "It's just me_ and_ some chocolate ice cream," said McQuaid eyeing her closely as he emptied the contents of the bag onto the tray table. When she realized that it was him, relief hit her and she relaxed, putting her hand to her heart.

"You remembered," said Annie reaching for one of the cups of ice cream.

"You treated it like a food group, how could I forget," said Ryan as he dug into his cup of ice cream.

Annie flashed a smile at him until her eyes zoned in on his hand as he put a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. She saw the raw knuckles and said, "Your hand found a wall it didn't like?"

"It's nothing. . . um, about earlier, I'm sorry I upset you. . ."

Looking down at her ice cream, Annie cut him off, "Like I said, don't apologize, I understand, looking at myself disgusts me. I never wanted you to see them. I'm sorry you did."

The shock of her assumptions hit him like a wrecking ball, Ryan shook his head, then leaned in and said, "Is that what you think? That I found what I saw disgusting?"

Annie didn't look at him and said, "That's better than your pity which I don't need either, so don't look at me like that McQuaid."

Ryan stood up straight and scratched his beard, he didn't want to lose it in front of her again, so he took a moment to carefully choose his words. "Annie Walker, don't you get it? You are as stunning to me today as you were the day I met you, that's not changed and I don't think it ever will."

"Ryan, don't. . ."

He cut her off, "No, I've kept it in as long as I could, let me get this out. . . Annie, I'm angry that you 'never wanted me to see them', that I couldn't keep you safe, and that you let all this time pass between us, time we could have been working through these issues _together_. I get that you've been through hell I can only imagine, but did you have to cut me off and make me wonder if you were dead or alive? Did you really think that I'd find your physical and emotional scars disgusting? God Annie, you gave up on us and me. You didn't even give me a chance and that hurts." He looked into her eyes and saw tears building up.

"Hand me the toiletry bag over," said Annie trying to hold back her tears.

He sighed at her attempt to change the subject, but complied with her directive. Annie took out a small tube of Neosporin, "Give me your hand," she said. He looked at her and reached his hand out. She held his hand and squeezed a small amount of the ointment on each of his four knuckles. Then she began to gently rub in the ointment, one knuckle at a time.

Ryan felt a jolt of electricity go up his arm to his shoulder and down his back as she held his hand in hers, it was a warmth and desire he hadn't felt in a long time. Ryan wanted her so badly in that moment, he wasn't lying when he said she was stunning. He wanted to grab her, shake some sense into her, kiss her and inspect every inch of her body for injuries to soothe. He wanted to study all of her and kiss all of her scars, curves, and freckles. He wanted her to know she was beautiful just the way she was and nothing could ever make him find her "disgusting." But like a schoolboy who wasn't sure if the girl he had a crush on returned his feelings, he did nothing but fantasize as she rubbed in the Neosporin on his last knuckle.

Annie looked up from his hands and said, "All done." As she let go of his hand, he reached out and touched her cheek, for a brief moment she let him cup her face and even leaned her cheek into his warm palm as she closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry for everything, I wanted to spare you, not hurt you," before she took the back of his hand and lifted it off her face. "Ice it and reapply this later," she said putting the tube of Neosporin into his palm.

"Maybe you could do it for me," responded Ryan with a boyish grin.

"How's the review of the timeline coming along?" said Mrs. Porter as she again entered the room at just the right time. . .

"We were just about to start," said Annie, thankful for the interruption.

/ /

After eating ice cream and reviewing the timeline, it was time to meet the officials from the risk management firm and the African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative.

"This was nice," said Ryan, who felt lighter after getting things off his chest, he felt hopeful and steps closer to Annie.

"Spin doctoring and going over half truths to fool people who gave me a job is nice?"

"No, I meant spending time together, sharing ice cream, and talking. . ."

Ryan gave Annie some last bit of advice, "Just remember a mix of hesitation and some tears from the traumatic memories wouldn't hurt. Sprinkle in some truth and you'll get them to keep the questions short."

"That's not going to be difficult to pull off," said Annie.

"Are you folks ready to play the concerned parents?" Ryan asked Mr. and Mrs. Porter.

"Once an operative, always an operative," said Mr. Porter.


	66. Chapter 66: Katie's testimony

Note: This epic story was sketched out long ago, it's still got a long way to go before it wraps up and I thank you for reading. It does take time, but it's a hobby I enjoy immensely. I've neglected knitting, sewing, and scrapbooking, and sometimes housekeeping and cooking, but it's all good for now.

Katie Porter was halfway through her debrief in a hospital conference room. "Tell us about the wound on your head. . ." asked the insurance representative who was there to ascertain whether their client, The African Maternal and Fetal Health Initiative had a true claim to use their kidnap and ransom insurance to pay Katie Porter's salary and benefits during her leave as well as any expenses incurred as a result of her kidnapping while fulfilling her duties as one of their employees. Annie, Ryan and the CIA were actively committing insurance fraud, but it was a necessary evil. One of many Annie had committed throughout her career at the CIA and one of the chief reasons she wanted to quit working for them.

Katie hesitated as she recalled the incident, which Ryan noted. She said, "One guard hit me with his. . . I don't know what it was, a gun, it was his weapon. . ."

"What happened before you were hit?" asked the risk management rep.

"What are you getting at? That my daughter provoked a beating?" asked Mr. Porter sharply. He played the part of protective father very well.

"No, not at all, we're just trying to ascertain the facts, please tell us what you remember" said the rep.

"He was the one who threatened to sell me if the ransom didn't come through. . . Gosh, I read about things like that, but never. . ." Annie sniffled. "I just prayed that the money would come through, he said all sorts of sordid things…and I was so scared, he. . . he scared me, he made me feel. . ." Annie broke down. Ryan wasn't sure if she was heeding his advice to throw in some tears for dramatic effect or if her emotions were real, if he didn't know her incredible ability to play role, he would have believed everything she said.

"It's okay, take your time honey," said Rosemary through her own tears.

"He got close to me, really close, so close I could feel and smell his breath. . ." Annie continued to breakdown.

She composed herself while the room remained silent, everyone listening grew uncomfortable, especially Ryan who was finding it hard to maintain his cool exterior, his leg was tapping the ground silently trying to expend his pent up frustrations.

"Then I kicked him and he got so mad that he hit me right here," said Annie as she pointed to her head.

"Other than that you were hurt any other way?"

"They. . . or not they. . . another one of the men came in and . . ." Annie was visibly upset again and asked for a glass of water.

Mr. and Mrs. Porter were by her side comforting her and stroking her hand and Mr. Porter said to his wife, "Maybe it's best of you leave for this honey."

"No, Katie needs me, if she can survive what happened, I can endure hearing about it. I'm here for you sweetie," said Mrs. Porter gently and tearfully.

"It's okay honey, you can tell us, they can't hurt you anymore. Ryan made sure of that right Captain McQuaid?" said Mr. Porter.

"We left them tied in the desert and notified the authorities anonymously, our mission was solely to get the client out." interjected McQuaid.

"Go on Katie, please tell us what happened," said the representative.

Katie took a deep breath, "He took his knife and brought it close to my head, I thought he was going to slit my throat at first, but . . ."

Katie sniffled. . . "He grabbed my hair, right here," said Katie untying her hair and showing the part of her hair that had a chunk missing.. . . "I still thought he was going to cut me, but then he cut off a chunk of my hair. He pulled so hard. . . I thought, it didn't make sense, they needed me alive for the ransom. I wasn't ready to die. . ." Then Katie looked over to her parents and through tears said, "I kept thinking about you both, never seeing you again, we had just talked about Christmas at home and . . ."

"Shh, shh, we were so worried when we found out, but we're so happy to have you back safe," said Mr. Porter while Mrs. Porter was beside herself in tears.

"What did he do next?"

Annie took a sip of water. "Never had I gone from relief to terror so fast, I remember being so relieved when it was just my hair that he cut off, but then. . ."

Annie took another moment to breakdown. . . "I'm sorry, it's just so hard to talk about. . ."

"It's okay, take your time."

"He touched the necklace I was wearing. . ." Annie closed her eyes allowing tears to stream down her face. "He ran his hands along my chest where the pearl fell. . ."

Ryan's jaw tensed. She didn't talk about this when they were reviewing the events. He studied her, her microexpressions and he concluded that she was telling the truth. He was afraid to hear what else she was going to say next. He thought back to how she broke free and attacked the guard. Did he violate her wondered Ryan as he bit the inside of he cheek and flexed his fingers. He found it hard to be still while seething with anger. . .

He spoke up, "Then what?"

Annie didn't look over to him, she knew it was Ryan asking. . .

"Then he ripped off my necklace," said Katie breaking into sobs. "I was so scared, I thought he was going to. . ." Ryan sighed with relief as did Mr. and Mrs. Porter. They were all ready to hear the worst.

Katie had spent the better part of an hour answering questions about what happened in Mali. A sheen glistened on Annie's forehead, the fever reducer was wearing off and the nurse sent to monitor Katie said, "I'm afraid we need to wrap this up, Miss Porter needs to get her rest."

"Thank you for agreeing to answer our questions Miss Porter," said the rep from the insurance company. Everything is corroborated in the other reports we have and from the report we received from Captain McQuaid. "We wish you a speedy recovery."

"Of course, if I can help in any way. . .I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through," said Katie tearfully.

"Oh behalf of the Executive Director and every one at the Initiative we are deeply sorry that you went through this ordeal, we are revamping our policies as it relates to conflicts and have withdrawn all foreign nationals from the region. We appreciate you agreeing to sign this non-disclosure about what happened. . . ." said the Human Resources VP from the Initiative.

Annie nodded. "Of course, I understand what it means if news of what happened got out."

"Don't worry about any of your medical care or expenses, we will continue to provide you health care coverage and will pay for your deductible. Please seek out counseling to talk about your ordeal, there's no limit for it. You'll be put on paid administrative leave for up to one calendar year and we'l take care of all your travel expenses. It's all written here. . ."

It like she was being paid off to keep quiet.

"I'd love to go back to work, I'm still dedicated to the women and children of Africa, but I do need some time," said Annie tearfully.

Upon hearing Annie say she wanted to return to Africa Ryan feared that she meant it and he wondered if he could pin her down and keep her with him. He wanted to work things out and he wanted to keep her close and safe. She was hypervigilant, something he attributed to everything that had happened to her. He wanted to be the one to make her feel safe and secure as Rosemary said she needed.

"Of course, any spot you want, you name it after you are cleared medically, I'll make it happen Katie," said the Vice President of Human Resources.

"Honey, I think we'll have to talk about that some more, I don't want you to go anywhere near Africa," said Mrs. Porter. "Katie is a grown woman, she can make her own choice and this was a complete fluke," said Mr. Porter. The two began to have a small squabble causing everyone to be uncomfortable and want to leave the room.

"And thank you Mr. McQuaid, your connection to Katie's family was serendipitous to say the least, we are grateful that you were able to get her out," said the VP as Ryan walked him out of the conference room.

"Of course, you can continue to count of us if you ever need our help again though I sincerely hope you won't. It was no trouble at all, in fact it was my pleasure, I was happy to get my hands dirty on this one and happy your employee is safe. . ."

/ /

Whew, now this calls for a bit of celebration said Mr. Porter. "You did great Katie and so did you Mrs. Porter! Shall we give Langley a call?"

"Let's get Katie back into her room first," said Rosemary.

"Ryan, can I see Sabine now?" asked Annie.

"Of course, I'll call Calder, but after you rest for a bit okay?"

"Can you ask if he's heard from Bobby too?"

"I can do that," but you should worry about any of that.

Rosemary takes her ahead to her room.

"You're getting closer to home honey," said Rosemary.

"Can I use your phone to call Joan?"

"Of course, but you're still ill my dear, so get some rest first," said Rosemary.

/ /

Ryan spotted Annie's doctor outside her room. "Are there any other medical injuries or concerns we should be worried about?"

The doctor looks over the records, "I'm sorry Mr. McQuaid, but only Joan Campbell is on this release of information form, but I can tell you, she needs to stay tonight and possibly tomorrow. After her fever breaks, we need to make sure there are no complications from the Dengue fever."

"Miss Walker will be released to me, we have a Trans-Atlantic flight after that, I need to know what I'm dealing with in case anything happens on the plane. . ., so if there's anything else to look for, you need to tell me," demanded Ryan.

The doctor does not relent. He says he'll check with Langley and get back to him. McQuaid hoped that Bennett would come through for him. He was looking for complete and un-redacted medical records of Annie Walker.

/ /

Ryan walked in on Annie speaking to Joan and Auggie.

"I've saved a few of Mac's baby things that I'll set aside for you," said Joan.

"A leased vehicle will be waiting for you at the airstrip, now in terms of the apartment with building security. . . would you believe there is a shortage of reasonably priced apartments with a doorman in the DC metro area?" asked Auggie. Annie could hear the sound of his Braille reader and found it strangely familiar and comforting.

"We could stay at a hotel. . ."

"Does it have to be a building with security? If not it opens up your options considerably," said Auggie.

"If you don't mind Bethesda, I have three spare rooms, the kids are grown and out of the house, you are welcome to bunk with me and my husband," said Rosemary. "I'll even throw in some free babysitting."

"No way, no hotel, no Bethesda, you have a home in D.C.," interrupted Ryan who had overhead the discussions.

Annie was taken aback for a moment, she didn't think she heard right. Did he expect her to go back to his place as if nothing happened?

Auggie ignored McQuaid and pressed on, "There is a studio in a secured building in DuPont available next month, I've put you on the waiting list for that one."

"Not necessary Anderson," said Ryan.

"Thanks Auggie," said Annie.

"There's another one bedroom available, but near Chinatown, the building is still under construction, says it should be ready by early next year, we can get you on the waitlist for that building too," said Auggie.

"Do it please," said Annie.

Ryan was trying not to get angry, after all he hadn't even broached the subject of her returning to their home. He decided that he would wait until they were alone. He was secretly glad there was no place for her to stay. Things were working in his favor, she'd have no choice but to return home with him. . .

"Calder will be here when Sabine wakes up from her nap, you should get some rest before he comes," said Ryan gruffly before Rosemary pulled him out to the hallway.

/ /

Rosemary's second career was as a high school counselor and she felt like she was using skills she learned as she dealt with teenagers.

"Mr. McQuaid, I could sense the tension and emotions from the moment I observed the two of you together. You love her deeply and I think she knows it too, but you can't force or bully or guilt her into anything right now. She's lost a lot of control and she needs some of it back. If you want her to do something, you need to present it as a _choice she gets to make_."

"How do I do that?"

"Remember what we talked about earlier? Safety and security? She asked for a secured building with a 24 hour guard, how secure is your home?"

"Like a fortress."

"Then make sure she knows it."

"Why are you helping me?"

"I was sent to help her more than you."

"Thank you for looking out for her."


	67. Chapter 67: Eight Months Ago

This chapter goes back in time to the day Annie fled Walter Reed in D.C. It takes place at the DPD between Joan and Auggie.

Joan was pulled in several directions since the moment she arrived at work. The plans she and Annie made were set in motion, it was going to be a LONG and ARDUOUS day for everyone.

Auggie had pulled her aside shortly as soon as she arrived that morning to say he found something cleverly hidden on Kravec's laptop. Auggie suspected that in addition to managing accounts at Kredit Krepost, Ivan Kravec had other clients and other accounts he managed through his own illegal fund.

"What's the name of the organization and where is it located?"

"I don't know that yet, it's not on his computer. There is likely another person who holds files that sync up the ones on Ivan's computer."

"Tell me more."

"His personal computer contained encrypted files that appeared to be partial account summaries with partial account numbers, they didn't match up with any client numbers or account balances held at Kredit Krepost. They don't even use the same system of letters and number combinations, that's what alerted us that they are not Kredit Krepost accounts."

"Huh," said Joan thinking they stumbled onto something they knew nothing about.

"It will take me time, but I have more digging to do."

It was all very odd, there was more to it. Joan told Auggie he had to be on it, she needed to amass as much evidence to keep Ivan in American custody as she could, she wasn't completely bullshitting McQuaid when she insinuated that the State Department may still leverage him for some political reasons. If Ivan was hiding money or laundering money through another front, maybe these guys were bigger fish than the ones they knew about with accounts at Kredit Krepost.

"I need you to find out whose money Ivan was moving or cleaning or whatever. It could be one person, it could be a dozen or a criminal outfit we know nothing about. We're entering a dark time as it concerns Russia and we need as much intel as we can get."

"What else is going on?" Auggie, always astute, can tell Joan is worried.

The other crisis was happening at the Russian Embassy. Russia recalled a large number of embassy employees. Joan could only surmise that this time around they were afraid Ivan would spill more than he did in the past. It was a tip off that Ivan knew way more than Langley thought the last time they had him in custody.

"Our best sources Maxim and Mashkov are packing up their residences. I'll have no contacts left at the embassy after today."

Joan and the DPD would have to start over after years of her hard work cultivating assets and building relationships. The CIA would be in the dark as far as the embassy was concerned and it was only a couple of years ago that Lena burned nearly all their assets and agents inside of Russia. There was a huge void to fill.

Auggie raised his eyebrows and said, "Oh, am I going to make your day and I hope you'll make my day in return."

"What are you talking about?"

Auggie's blood was pumping. He hoped that Joan would allow him a chance to get back in the field. She had given him small opportunities, albeit reluctantly, in the past, but here he had a bonafide reason to get out there to cultivate his own asset inside the Russian embassy. "Let's just say, I know someone inside the Russian embassy, someone who has already proven herself to be solid."

Joan furrows her brow for a few seconds, then she figures it out. "Ah, Annie's location, Cuba, that was you and not McQuaid Securities like I was led to believe. We need to talk about how you kept that from me. "First, she approached me, so you're not mad?" Joan really had changed since Arthur died. "I don't have time for that now. Go on, tell me more about this woman," said Joan with a sly smile. There was always a woman where Auggie was concerned.

Auggie goes on, "She was someone Roger Bennett identified and got intel from on Mueller, I did a little digging after Roger was murdered, but came up with squat. Then she initiated a meet and passed along Annie's location. She is good, judging from how she conducted herself, has a high moral center, and she's pretty high up and definitely has a cover while here."

"One thing I've learned these last few weeks is we need to do things differently around here to keep good people, some people are made to be operatives field despite extenuating circumstances."

Operative, thought Auggie, was she referring to him as an operative? He fully understood Annie's motivations over keeping her ailment a secret though he didn't appreciate that she had lied to him. He would have done the same if he could keep being blind a secret, his handicap was obviously harder to hide than hers. He always wanted to be in the field and lived vicariously through Annie and others. Annie thought he didn't get her, but he had a lot longer to get used to the idea of sitting behind a desk, but it didn't mean that he didn't itch to get back into the fray. Having the meet with Roger's contact at the embassy was a rush and now Joan was giving him a chance to cultivate her as an asset.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He was trying to hide his growing glee.

"Yes, go ahead work this asset, but you'll have eyes on you at all times. I can't afford to lose another excellent member of my team."

Auggie's smile could be seen from a mile away, he went to Barber to have him work on the new Kravec intel while he set out to plan his approach with Roger's contact. As soon as this day is over, he planned on bring Annie that smoothie at the hospital and tell her his news. She'd be thrilled for him.


	68. Chapter 68: The Offer

"Dex told me all about the extra cargo and that Annie wigged out on the plane."

"She had some kind of nightmare en route to the base. It could have been the fever talking, she was burning up."

"What story did she spin for why she took off on you?"

"Lay off Jim, I mean it."

"I heard that you were prepping your place for that baby? Don't tell me she's moving back in with you."

"Can't tell you that yet because she hasn't agreed to it yet, but I can tell you it's none of your business."

"Are you joking? After everything she did to you?"

"Bye Jim."

/ /

Ryan wheeled Annie out onto the terrace where Calder met them with Sabine. It was unnatural to see Calder act like a natural with the baby. As usual he arrived on the terrace dressed impeccably with a large diaper bag over his shoulder and a baby strapped to his chest. He moaned and groaned about how long it took him to get Sabine ready and packed to leave the safehouse. "Walker, you couldn't have waited another day, Face Time wasn't good enough for you? I hope you know she's going to be off schedule because she'll probably miss her next nap now."

"Well, nice to see you too."

Calder lifts Sabine who was bundled up out of the baby carrier and says in a higher octave and usual, "Here sugar, Aunt Annie's been waitin' all day to see you."

Annie reaches for Sabine and sees that Calder has outfitted her with a pink Burberry dress and tiny patent leather shoes.

"Well someone has expensive taste…"

"Couldn't resist and if she's going to be rolling with me, she needs to look the part. . ." said Calder.

Ryan made a quip about Calder being Mr. Mom and Calder told him to not let it get around that he was enjoying taking care of Sabine. "Well, I gotta say, I appreciate my Mama after the last couple of days." For Calder, Sabine's presence the last couple of days had lifted him out of the sadness he felt after losing Stephanie. She was light and joy and everything to be grateful for in the world.

"Thank you Calder, looks like you've been doing a great job, she looks bigger to me already," said Annie who then focused on Sabine, "You're going to have to stop growing up so fast, I'm going to have to catch up on photos so I can send them to your dad."

"Don't worry, I've taken plenty and I managed to send a couple to Musa to let him know she is safe."

"Have you heard from him?"

"Information has started to flow in, he's still figuring out what to look for, but it's a good start," said Calder.

"What's the latest on the ground?"

"Still touch and go, insurgents push forward then are pushed back, it's an unpredictable game of tug-of-war."

"I'm worried about him, he's ill-equipped, if anything happens to him, she has no one," said Annie looking down with concern at the already motherless child. She felt guilty when she helped Calder convince Bobby to become an asset, but as usual she didn't have the time to think very much about the repercussions of what she was doing for the CIA. Now in the light and calm of being far removed from the chaos of Mali she worried for Bobby and Sabine.

"You've helped him stay safe and alive by removing Sabine from danger. Without her to worry about he can better focus on what he needs to do. Just remember what Rachael wanted for her too. Bobby's a smart man, he'll be fine."

"I heard you put on a great performance earlier. Good work Walker," said Calder referring to the meeting Katie Porter had with her employers and their insurance firm. "Yeah, glad it's over."

Ryan watched Annie at ease as she held and talked to Sabine, it was as if the baby held some kind of magical power that sucked the anxiety, worry, and sadness out of Annie. He found watching her even more mesmerizing than usual and he didn't want to take his eyes off of her.

"It's about time for her bottle," said Calder digging into the diaper bag for a bottle for Sabine. Annie held the baby and fed her.

/ /

Ryan and Calder chat at a distance. The observations Ryan had made regarding Annie's mental state, the startling discovery of her injuries at Kravec's hands, and Annie's own account of her kidnapping in Mali caused Ryan much turmoil and Calder was the target of those frustrations. Out of earshot Ryan laid into Calder for not telling him Annie's location and for luring her back into life as an operative. He held him responsible for Annie's kidnapping. He recounted Annie's statements about what happened to her at the hands of the kidnappers. He warned Calder he better lay off of Annie in terms of missions because he was afraid the agency would sooner or later knock on her door again.

"Like I told you before, I know she's not the same, I'll make sure she gets support. I've written the profile the psychologists at Langley requested, speaking of which, they want a report from you too since you've spent a good amount of time with Annie since we extracted her."

"I'm not giving the CIA anything. Joan evaded my questions and thwarted my every effort to locate Annie. Hell, I think she even helped her leave the country. Even her medical records were changed or redacted."

"The profile is meant to help her, you want her to get the help she needs don't you? You think she's going to be forthcoming with the therapists?"

McQuaid just shoots Calder a dirty look.

"Can you blame her, she wanted to forget about her suffering and now this recent _incident _is just bringing it all back and that's on you Michaels! Did you know the details of what Kravec did to her?"

Calder shook his head.

"Well her back is riddled with scars, it's like he too a grater to it. The performance you complimented her on? It was no performance."

"Shit, I didn't know that. Girl's gotta be messed up, all the more reason to help the therapists create a profile."

/ /

Ryan walked back towards Annie and Sabine with Calder following. They both had heavy hearts.

"It's time to get you back to bed," said Ryan walking back towards Annie and Sabine. Annie is reluctant to part with Sabine. She reminded Calder to make sure she was burped and her diaper was before bed. Calder rolled his eyes as he took Sabine and put her back into the carrier still strapped to his body. "Me and my girl here, got it down. She's a peach. Don't worry Annie, I promised Bobby that I'd take care of her too."

/ /

Ryan wheeled Annie back to her room. Don't worry you'll be with her soon, you got pretty attached to her huh?

"It was hard not to. Rachael and I had a lot in common, she was the first friend I made in a long time. I don't think she was working me at the time, but I was there when Sabine was born and then just before she died."

"So what do you want to do when we get out of here?"

At the same time they say, "Get Sabine."

"I knew that as soon as I asked, what else?"

"That burger and beer and bath sounds great right now."

"In just another night we'll be on our way,"

"Ryan, can you get me a phone and laptop?"

"You can use mine, but what do you need? I can help you."

"I need to buy some stuff for Sabine, have it delivered and ready when she and I get to DC. Also, I have nothing for DC winters, all my stuff, I left it all remember?"

"Well, you'll be happy to know that a lot of that has been taken care of for you and everything you left behind in D.C. is still at our home."

"Our home?"

"Listen Annie, I wanted to talk to you. I know you want your own place. I support that. I support you. But you'll still need help getting back on your feet in D.C. It can take a month or two to fully recover from dengue fever. It sounds like there isn't a place that meets your requirements available."

"Yeah, I'm considering Rosemary's offer, Joan offered too."

"Would you consider my place too? It's gated and outfitted with security cameras and motion sensors that record automatically at every movement. Every entry point is wired to ping if breached. I've upgrade security at all my homes after what happened. You've seen my panic room and I can assign someone to keep you and Sabine safe."

"Ryan, I don't think that would be wise given our past. . ." said Annie.

"Please think about it. Annie, everything you need is at my place or I can make sure it will be."

"I told you earlier, I can't possibly pick up where we left off," said Annie.

"Living without you wasn't easy for me Walker, was it easy for you to just pick up and leave? Because I don't think so, Annie, there's no moving on for me without you. I haven't stopped thinking about you, it's no coincidence that circumstances have brought us back together again. You still love me, I feel it Walker."

"You know what I've learned? Love isn't enough. Every relationship I've been in has ended painfully. I'm not the same person anymore Ryan. The things I've been through have changed me, I'm a mess in case you haven't noticed."

"Annie all of that is complete and utter bullshit. Remember what I told you in Azerbaijan? You have strength and courage, I know it's still inside you, look what you can overcome. You are a survivor and you hiked miles while weak with a baby strapped to you. You did it all because of love, duty and the will to fight another day. You are not too broken to be with me and you don't have to be alone."

Annie's eyes are teary. "We keep having these déjà vu moments. I remember another time, another hospital, another plea for me to go home with you."

"It's not déjà vu, it's a second chance."

"You mean a third chance?"

"I wasn't counting that one," smiled Ryan before continuing. "Annie, we can make it work, I know we can, you gave up on me, on us and left me thinking you were dead. I don't want to pull this card, but you owe me Walker, think about it."

Annie is quiet. "I don't know what you're expecting from me, but I'm different, I'm not the same person you fell for. I can't just pick up where we left off at the beachhouse, nothing's the same for me. . . I told you back at Walter Reed that there was no me left. That's still true, part of me died back there."

"I'm not the same either. You changed me, the last 8 months changed me. That's why we're talking now. Annie, I already have everything you and Sabine need at_ our_ home in DC. Come back to _our_ home."

Ryan sees that she's quiet and looking away, she's shutting down as she had done before, her body language showing how uncomfortable she felt about the conversation. He's used to it, he knows her. So he continues to talk.

"Look, I'm not saying we have to get right back to sharing a bed, we have plenty of rooms. We both need to take our time getting to know each other again and catching up on the last eight months. You know there's plenty of room at the house. I still work long hours, you and Sabine will have plenty of room to spread out."

"I'll think about it, but I still need my own phone and laptop." But she told herself to be strong and focus on Sabine. She couldn't fall back into a relationship with McQuaid for the very reason she left to begin with. The guilt she felt at leaving him abruptly and without explanation was made worse by the fact that he seemed so placid and willing to forgive her. She never meant to hurt him as much as she did, she only wanted to spare him and herself further pain.

"Well, that's all I can ask, please just think about it."

Ryan helped Annie back into bed and settled her in.


	69. Chapter 69: The Answer (to The Offer)

Note: Thanks for the reviews. Ben is back!

"How are you adjusting after being away?"

"You didn't have to keep me at Gitmo for that long."

"Had to do it to maintain your cover just in case we need you back in the Arab world."

Ben sighed, he knew the reasons, just didn't appreciate being treated like a subhuman for being an American jihadist. "Getting to know myself and my love for all things American. I'm good," he said.

"So, all settled in?"

"The irony of this next op isn't lost on me Joan. Orientation and training have been a bore, but at least I get to eat burgers, drink beer, sleep in a real bed, shower with hot water, and catch up on American pop culture. God, it's good to be back on American soil."

"Glad you still have a sense of humor. Have you heard or seen anything regarding the target?"

"Nothing yet. Tomorrow is check-in procedures for visitors and supervising visitations. I might be able to look on the visitor log."

"Keep me posted."

"Yes ma'am!"

Joan put down the phone. During the time Annie had been M.I.A., she and Auggie learned that Ivan Kravec wasn't just the head of Kredit Krepost. It appeared that he managed a private fund that the CIA had no intelligence on. Despite the months of digging, they found very little. The DPD didn't have a lot of resources at their disposal to look into what Auggie found on Kravec's laptop after Annie's rescue. Other missions and projects took priority, but things changed a couple of weeks ago when Joan received a call from the State Department. They were interested in Kravec and whether he posed a compelling and imminent risk. Kredit Krepost had been shut down and their funds frozen. He didn't have any resources at his disposal, so they wanted Joan to work up a risk profile because they were considering leveraging him _again_.

Joan presented a file of information on his misdeeds including how he lied about Nathan Mueller causing the CIA to launch a drone strike that killed one of their own. Joan was told that it was unfortunate, but it was the CIA's mistake, specifically Calder and hers. She also presented information that Kravec had kidnapped and tortured an operative and shot an American citizen on American soil. He also had a rolodex of contacts and valuable intelligence on a number of persons of interest. Again, State said the operative didn't die and he would likely not be a threat again given that all his funds were frozen.

Joan had Annie's rape kit which might keep him off the trade list, but she didn't want to use it. Instead she launched an off book operation to try to build a case against Kravec. There was more going on with him than they knew and she needed to get to the bottom of it, so Ben was tasked with watching Kravec from the prison where he was being held.

Ben went from being a prisoner to a prison guard. He had no idea who he was watching though and what he had done.

/ /

Annie was resting in bed and had been asleep for a couple of hours. Rosemary had been there with her since Ryan asked that she stay with her while he took care of some errands and work that he had been neglecting. He went out to get a phone as Annie had requested. He figured the first step to gaining her trust was to do what she had asked. He hesitated, wondering if he should sync her phone with his, but as much as he wanted to track her, he decided against it. It was no way to build trust between the two of them and once upon a time he had watched and tracked her and that didn't go over so well when she found out. Although he still felt justified in his actions since there was a target on her back after all.

When Annie woke up, she wondered what happened to Ryan though she was relieved it was Rosemary there. The two women had a chance to talk again.

"I'm leaving later tonight. I hear you might be discharged tomorrow if you have a good night and no symptoms tomorrow. Do you need anything?"

"Nothing critical, thank you for staying as long as you have. I might have learned a thing or two from you," smiled Annie.

"My pleasure, gives me a taste of the old life, sometimes I miss it, but working with teenagers can be titillating too," said Rosemary.

"So you retired and found another calling, that's great, how did you figure it all out?"

"I looked at my skill set and found a way to use it differently, in my case, being a high school counselor was a seamless transition. My own kids were about to enter those dreaded teen years and it seemed a natural path, being a spy is all about examining human nature. I think you found a way to use your skills in Africa too."

"So how did you do it? Have a normal life after everything you did and saw, you were able to get and stay married, had three kids, and a home in Baltimore?"

"There's no secret or magic formula to it Annie. You apply the same discipline to learning a language and staying fit. You work at it and don't take any of it for granted. I couldn't have had a normal life without people at home supporting me and waiting for me to get home. They grounded me and gave me purpose. Helped that the husband was in the business too. We were a team and that's how we were able to do it. Some marriage counseling helped too," smiled Rosemary.

Annie took in Rosemary's words.

"I also had some good female friends and mentors, we met and still meet regularly for coffee, drinks, girls getaways, book club, you name it. We are a bunch of middle-aged menopausal women and some are grannies, but I would love for you to join us. Joan is part of the group. We need to start passing the torch," smiled Rosemary.

"Huh," said Annie. "I've always worked alone and haven't met many others like me."

"Well, we can do something about that!"

"Did you tell your husband everything?"

"Well, he's in a similar line of work, over at the Pentagon and that helped, but it didn't mean information was free flowing. I told him what he was cleared to know yes. . . You'll find that the truth is freeing, there's no need to shoulder all the burdens, that's what makes us human. We all crave community and connection one way or another. When people don't find it, they do self-destructive things. I see it in the kids all the time, drugs, cutting, sex, all sorts of risky and destructive behavior ensues when they don't have a real connection with parents or peers. Same applies for us adults."

"Why do I hear a warning for me in there?"

"You can hear what you need to hear Annie."

Rosemary looked at her watch, Ryan would be back soon and she had to catch her flight back home.

"I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I'll say it again, it's obvious that there are unresolved feelings between you. It's rare to find someone who has the capacity to understand and tolerate what you've done and what you need to do."

"Being an operative for the CIA is longer my occupation."

"Regardless, being alone and raising a child alone is hard work. You might not choose to be with him, but you need someone. Even if you hadn't gone through what you've been through, you still need someone. We weren't meant to be solitary creatures and as the mom of three and counselor to about 500 kids, it really does take a village to raise a child."

"Thanks for everything. Maybe we can get together stateside. Meet for lunch or something."

"Sounds fabulous, we can take Sabine to the aquarium, babies love to track the fish in the tanks."

"Call me anytime and I'll check in and let you know when I'm in D.C."

Ryan returns as the two women are saying good-bye. He handed Annie a bag with the phone and walked Rosemary out.

/ ~ /

"Thank you for staying with her."

"You're going to have to trust her."

"I trust her."

"Not entirely, you're afraid she'll run, that she'll disappear again, that's the real reason you asked me to stay with her."

Ryan didn't want to be confronted with his fears and this woman had a knack for calling him out. He started to rub his thumb across his fingers on his right hand while his left hand played with the Carmex in his pocket.

"I can't lose her again," said Ryan looking down at his shoes.

"As long as she has Sabine to care for, she'll seek stability. Right now Sabine is a Godsend Mr. McQuaid. Annie is a purpose and mission driven person and her main focus is doing whatever she needs to do to care for that baby girl. Are you willing to help her or are you going to compete with a baby?"

"We were going to be parents together, did you know that? Having a family with her was a dream for me, for us!" snapped Ryan.

Ever calm and direct, Rosemary responded, "I know your history and hers as well. Having a family isn't just a dream, there are realities that accompany parenthood. Babies and children cause a fair amount of stress on a normal couple and you two are far from typical. All I am saying is, are you really up for the challenge of midnight feedings, endless laundry, diaper blowouts, sleepless nights, and a messy home? Babies disrupt lives, schedules, adult agendas. . ."

Ryan knew it wasn't going to be easy and he knew what Sabine meant to Annie. It brought him comfort to see Annie with the baby and he would never compete with her, he too was smitten by the little girl and wanted to help care for her.

"I am up for all that with her, but is she up for it with me, that's the question."

"Parenting a child isn't just about providing material needs which I know you are fully capable of, it's about giving your time, your hands, your eyes and ears, and your heart. Don't just tell her, but show her that you're all in."

"You suggested before that I find someone to talk to, can I call you if things get hairy?"

Rosemary smiled, "Sure, I'd be happy to hear from you Mr. McQuaid."

"Call me Ryan, please."

"I'm off to catch my plane," said Rosemary as she gave Ryan a hug.

"I have every confidence that the two of you can figure things out."

/ /

Ryan walked in on Annie talking on the phone. He assumed she was speaking with Auggie. He remained respectful and quiet as he got on his laptop and listened to Annie's end of the conversation.

_"So still no leads on an apartment in D.C.?"_

"No, none that meet your requirements, it's a hot rental market, but you're still on those waitlists."

Annie bit her lip as she thought. . .

"I would look outside of D.C., but you'll need to be close."

_"Why?"_

"A little heads up, once you get home you have standing appointments with an agency approved therapist three days a week."

_"Three times a week? Come on Auggie!"_

"Would you prefer being cloistered at the Blue Bonnet indefinitely? You'll need to do a poly too when you get back and since you left after the whole Kravec affair, we never got your statement."

Hearing his name made her cringe and she put her left hand to her head. Ryan could see that she was upset.

_"Can I have a couple of days to settle in with Sabine before I report in?"_

Report in? thought Ryan. What was she talking about? He wanted her far from Langley.

"I'm sure I can arrange a reprieve, but I want to see you Walker, how about beers at Allen's?"

_"I can't bring a baby to a bar Auggie."_

"Oh, that's right. Then we'll meet at my place."

_"I should probably make it back to the States before I make plans."_

"See you soon Walker."

_"Bye Auggie and thanks for the heads up."_

/~/

"Hi."

"Thanks for the phone."

"You put it to use already."

"Yeah."

"Listen, it looks like you will be discharged first thing tomorrow. I'm going to get to the safe house later and get Sabine ready for the trip. Things are ready back home, car seat's been expertly installed in the car, and plenty of diapers and formula have been delivered. I also put her on the waitlist at the day care we have at McQuaid Securities. I had a personal shopper buy some clothes for you and, well, Calder's taken care of Sabine's wardrobe until she's two," chuckled Ryan.

"Wow, you've been busy. Thank you for doing all that, but I could have done it if I had that laptop."

"Well, you still have your old one back home, so I figured you could wait, besides I know how you hate to be wasteful."

"You kept it?"

"I kept everything of yours."

Annie had a quizzical look on her face.

"I know I work a lot and keep long hours, but I'll work from home as much as I can to help you out with Sabine, especially the first couple of weeks back. It will be an adjustment to be home and you'll still be recovering."

"You're pretty confident as usual," said Annie matter of factly.

Ryan smiled.

Annie studied him, his weathered face and his warm smile had charmed her in the past, but it was what was inside him that made her fall in love with him. Those feelings were still there in her gut and the depths of her heart. She had to admit that they never went away. She looked at him as she thought of everything they had been through and everything he had done for her despite what she did to him. He had shown her more grace and forgiveness than she deserved and it humbled her. She felt she didn't deserve him or his love.

"It's ultimately up to you, but I'm here for you and Sabine. The offer stands to come home with me. I know having her in your care is temporarily, but I can't help but feel that she's our chance at reconciliation and a glimpse of the life we can still have."

Annie looked up at him while trying to keep the tears from escaping.

"Okay, we'll go home with you, but it's temporary. I don't know how long Bobby will be in Mali. I hope he gets out of there soon and we can reunite them."

"I hate to break it to you, but the situation has grown worse. I spoke to Calder and he's holding his own and maintaining the clinic's operation, but it's dangerous."

"Ryan, she'll be an orphan if anything happens to him," said Annie with a grave look on her face.

"Let's just pray that he survives and do our best to take care of her. Calder said he sent some video files for her. They're sweet, he's singing to her and telling her stories about her mom."

"Oh, we'll definitely show those to her."

"Get some rest, I'll be back in the morning okay?" Ryan leaned down and put his hand on her shoulder as he kissed her forehead. She squeezed his hand and smiled.

Annie was surprised that he was leaving her, but she felt good and at peace about her choice to go back home with him.


	70. Chapter 70: Ongoing Problems

Note: For a recap, go back to Chapter 29 and Chapter 67. I made up some stuff about The Source Roger Bennet had at the Russian Embassy.

"Have you made any progress with that asset at the Russian Embassy?"

Joan hadn't asked Auggie about the Russian source in a few months. As excited as he was to get out in the field, it turned out to be a dead end and a huge let down for Auggie. He failed to get anything else from the woman who risked an awful lot to get him information on Annie's location.

"Negative Joan."

Roger Bennet had a source inside the Russian Embassy, the one who had an FSB file on Kravec that she wanted $100K for. She reached out to Auggie when she learned that Kravec had captured Annie Walker and was turning her over to Russian Foreign Intelligence for a hefty sum. The Source already felt badly when she learned that Roger died over the intel she had provided, but she thanked her lucky stars that no one linked the leak to her. Her goal wasn't to betray her homeland it was to nail Kravec. She wanted him caught and behind bars and tried to show the CIA through Roger that Kravec was the evil one who had lied to them about Mueller, but it was too late and Kravec escaped what she hoped would be a long imprisonment before the CIA realized he had fooled them into believing Mueller was responsible for the Chicago attack. He did have friends in high places. To Kravec it was a beautiful move, using the CIA to kill one of it's own and he was delighted that he got away with it a free man until he was captured again.

When The Source learned that Kravec had Annie Walker in his grips she had to do something. She was privy to communications between Kravec and the Russian Intelligence officer at the Embassy. She discovered the prisoner's location and although it was dangerous, she knew she had to pass it on to the CIA via the only person she knew, Roger's friend Auggie Anderson. The information came at a critical time and Annie was rescued before Kravec transported her back to Russia, The Source hoped that she was rescued before Kravec inflicted any harm.

"Joan, remember, she reached out to me and I've been trying on and off to make contact for months. All my efforts have been met with silence. She's made herself very clear."

"Auggie, there's always a way to turn an asset. You just haven't discovered it yet. Tell me again about your last encounter because we have to figure this out, something is NOT adding up here."

"My only contact with her after the bookstore was at the Juice Bar of a Korean Spa in Centreville. The Russians, you know how they love a good bathhouse."

"Yes, I know that spa."

"Well, turns out the Korean spas cater to the Russian population. I learned that she goes to that particular spa at least once a month and conveniently bumped into her at the Juice Bar. We sat at adjacent tables surrounded by elderly and middle aged Korean ladies and a couple of asinine white guys who probably saw the episode of Conan where he took field trip to a Korean Spa in L.A. and wanted to check it out for themselves."

"Move the story along Auggie," said Joan who was growing impatient, she was under a tremendous amount of stress and added to that was her concern for Annie who was still hospitalized in Germany.

Auggie could tell Joan was stressed and in no mood for random chit chat. "She said without hesitation to never contact her again. She said I got the wrong idea, she would never betray her country. I asked why she helped us with Annie and all she said was that it was personal. I hacked into the spa's appointment schedule and she hasn't had any appointments there after that day. I tried to make contact a couple of other ways, but NADA."

"So it's _personal_ for her. . ." said Joan who began to wonder what could motivate a woman who was obviously a patriot for Mother Russia to betray one of her own. She had a hunch that this woman's beef was with Kravec and perhaps had been assaulted by him as well, but she couldn't reveal that hunch to Auggie.

"Dig deeper into her history, find out where was she before D.C. and how she could be linked to Kravec and Mueller."

"Joan, our assets in Russia have been limited since the whole Lena Smith, Simon Fischer affair, I've tried believe me."

"We haven't tried hard enough then."

"What's going on Joan?"

"Like I told you months ago, we don't have an insider who is that high up the food chain at the Russian embassy anymore and we sorely need one."

Auggie was always one to follow orders and never turned down a challenge, so as hard as this task was going to be, he said, "I'll get on it."

Joan went off campus during her lunch hour to contact Ben. She was breaking a few laws with the side operation she was running on U.S. soil with Ben. Ivan Kravec was imprisoned under an alias. He managed to convince the U.S. that he would be a target and fearing that the Russians would try to murder him to keep him from spilling state secrets, he was imprisoned with a French alias, Gustav Renaud. Joan felt none of his intelligence could to be trusted given his history. She was disgusted by him, but had requested to interrogate him right from the start, however she was denied access to Kravec due to the DPD's mishandling of him earlier.

"Have you any news on Renaud?"

"Hello to you too Joan."

"I don't have time Ben, I need to get back to the office," said Joan as she popped a Tums into her mouth.

"Nothing. I learned that he's in a class of prisoners kept in their own cells. He gets out once a day for an hour and once a week he gets to the prison library. He's cut off from all outside communication except for his lawyer's visits. There were several visitors from the FBI, NCTC and most recently the DOD. Who is this guy Joan?"

The news that the DOD sent someone concerned Joan. She asked, "Who does he come in contact with at the prison? Anyone suspicious who might be working with or for him?"

"None that I can tell, but if you tell me more, I might have a clue as to what I am looking for."

"You're looking for anyway that Renaud can communicate with the outside world, any hints that he is passing information or orders to his people on the outside. That's all you need to know. Stay alert."

"Do you have eyes on his people on the outside?"

"None yet, we don't know who his people even are, that's what I need you to ascertain."

"Get me the name of his lawyer and all the visitors he's had."

And for the second time that day, one of her trusted men said to her, "I'll get on it."

Ben had no idea he was watching Ivan Kravec, the man who had kidnapped and tortured Annie. Since he parted ways with Annie, he thought of her often especially during those dark days when he was plotting against Americans and Western interests in Pakistan. He looked her up when he got out of Gitmo, but only learned that she had left Mali, was evacuated due to the growing unrest. He couldn't get a pulse on where she ended up and it concerned him. He wanted to make sure she was okay, but her trail went dead. He couldn't even find out what flight she left on and what country she went to. Then Joan tasked him with his latest assignment and he hadn't had much time to look for Annie, it was just as well. He knew he didn't need her to complicate his life, he never knew how long he would be somewhere.

/ /

Ryan arrived at the hospital the next morning to pick up Annie. He had called earlier to make sure everything was set with her discharge, but Annie didn't pick up. He spoke to a nurse who said the doctors were in the middle of rounds and were speaking to Ms. Porter. Although he still had a lot of unanswered questions, Ryan was happy as he drove to the hospital to pick Annie up, but those feelings of happiness quickly dissolved. When he approached her room he saw that her bed was empty and he panicked as he searched the room. It was obvious she had been there just recently, her breakfast was still warm and partially eaten. He calmed down when he saw the stuffed dog and her bag. She didn't leave it behind last time she took off, but where was she? There was no sign of a struggle. . .He ran out to the outdoor patio area thinking she might have needed some air, but found it empty. . .


	71. Chapter 71: Ryan Asking About Ben

**Chapter 71**

**Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Might want to reread Chapter 46-47 where Ryan first found out about Mercer. **

Ryan didn't allow himself to go into full panic mode just yet. Annie had been in a very secure wing of the hospital and with her belongings still there, he figured she had to be close-by. She wouldn't run and leave Sabine. He called Calder to make sure and he confirmed that the baby was with him and he was getting packed up to meet them at the air field. Ryan quickly walked to the nurse's station where he asked the nurse on duty where Katie Porter had gone.

"Oh, she asked which way the chapel was just 10 minutes ago or less."

Ryan went straight to the chapel, relief washed over him when he saw her through the windows of the door. Annie was on her knees with her head on top of folded hands.

/ /

Annie had gone there to pray, to ask for strength and courage to return home, not just for herself, but for Sabine's sake. She knew she had to get it together and overcome her emotional scars. Even though she balked at the three sessions of therapy a week arranged by the CIA, when she was honest with herself, she knew she needed to work through her storied past. Part of her still wanted to escape and leave her past, but she had this baby, this sweet thing that only had her right now. Annie asked God to take away the demons haunting her slumber and the fears that often filled her when she was awake. She asked for safety for Bobby Musa so that Sabine could one day be reunited with him before she was interrupted. . .

Ryan was surprised to see her in prayer, yet glad. At least they had that in common during their time apart. When he opened the door, he inadvertently startled her. She raised her head and her flight instinct kicked in as she shot up and started to look for exits. He noticed her reaction and slowed down his movements, "It's just me."

He walked up the aisle and sat down next to her.

"It's been less than three days since we raided that camp and lots has happened since. . ."

"I'm fine," interjected Annie.

He didn't quite know how to say what he wanted to say, but he wanted to address his concerns about Annie's state of mind.

"What I'm seeing in you. . . It's not just because of what happened back on the plane and when you first woke up here in the hospital. . . it didn't all start because of what happened in Mali did it?"

"I'm fine now, it was the fever and seeing you again triggered . . ."

"Seeing me, you didn't plan on ever seeing me again did you? "

She didn't answer that question. She was conflicted on so many levels. Annie was dreading this, he had said over and over, they would talk, that he had questions, that he wanted answers. . . She wondered what she could say to put this off, going back with him meant questions. . . she had to accept that and figure out a strategy to deal with Ryan's queries.

He sat next to her and inched his hand towards her scarred wrist, he tried to take that hand causing her to flinch at the unexpected touch.

"This scar here, what was it all about Annie? I need to know."

Ryan worried for her emotional state, she was no longer the pillar of strength and confidence he met on that tarmac in Chicago. She once knew no fear and ran head on into trouble at her own peril. He needed to know that she wouldn't hurt herself again. Being tortured by Kravec and losing the baby still affected her, he realized she was still living in fear and mourning.

"You can't be afraid to die doing the job I once did. I fought death several times and won, it was a gamble and I went into it knowing I could actually die as I had done on missions before and I accepted it."

"So you treated escaping from me like an op?" asked Ryan with disbelief.

Annie hadn't looked him in the eye since he entered the chapel, said, "It was extreme, but I had to do it to get away."

"Really, you couldn't tell me you wanted to take a break, that you needed time to mourn, you couldn't share with me that Kravec tortured you so badly . . .you had to fake killing yourself to flee?"

"Might we both have been better if I had succeeded?" asked Annie with a dry chuckle.

"That's not funny!" said Ryan.

"Look, I tried to talk to you, but you weren't listening, I told you to leave me alone, but you just wouldn't."

"How could I just walk away after what happened to you, after what happened between us? You tried to push me away, but I couldn't and wouldn't ever walk away from you, I loved. . . I mean I love you too much to let you self-destruct," said Ryan with a bitterness he tried to mask.

"Unlike me, I know."

"I didn't say that."

"You thought it."

"Part of me knows you so well that I get it. As twisted as your thought process was, don't forget that _I know you_ and understand why you ran. I just wished you took me with you instead of your ex-boyfriend, Ben Mercer."

Annie thought to herself that he had _no idea_, he didn't know everything about her like he thought he did. He forgot that she was a spy after all and her livelihood involved lying and playing roles. He had no idea what she had done during her tenure at the CIA and what her actions led to. He had no idea what had been done to her by Kravec and she planned on keeping it that way. For the moment, Annie stopped dead in her tracks and wondered how he knew about Ben.

"I didn't take anyone with me. I wanted to forget everything, have a fresh start."

"You didn't think we could do that together?" asked McQuaid.

"Honestly, no," replied Annie knowing that it would sting him. She hated to do it, but she wanted him to feel hurt and rejected. She didn't want him to keep loving her, she didn't deserve it. Annie's plan worked, Ryan was hurt, his heart dropped into his gut and he knew he shouldn't torture himself with more questions. But he couldn't help himself. He continued asking questions that he knew would ultimately lead to answers he didn't want to hear.

"But you spent time with Ben, are you still in touch? I couldn't find out anything about him. He was a ghost like you were these last eight months."

"How did you link us?"

"Old fashioned detective work, your boyfriend was sloppy. Then Joan ID'ed him told me he was the love of your life." Ryan paused, saying those words out loud was difficult for him.

Annie remained speechless. She had to applaud Joan for trying to help her out with Ryan by telling him about her past with Ben, but seeing how hurt Ryan was left her feeling guilty and remorseful too. She was so conflicted on how to handle the situation. She loved Ryan, she had to admit that to herself. She cared about him and his feelings.

"Auggie gave me some background on how you were recruited because of him, but apart from that I got nothing and as much clearance as I have, I only hit walls when I tried to look into your boyfriend."

Annie finally said, "He's _not_ my boyfriend, he never really was anything but an illusion of what real love is. I was young and immature when we met and I had no idea what I was getting myself into with him."

"So there was nothing between you and him?" That question was what Ryan really wanted to know the answer to. He needed to know if he had a real chance with Annie. He didn't know how to come out and ask her directly, but at the same time, he felt strange bringing it up and awkwardly said, "I mean, it's fine if you were with other men in the time you were gone, you're a catch Walker. . .it's just. . . " The air between them was extremely awkward.

Wow, thought Annie. He actually thought she was with other men, how far from the truth. Being with a man was the last thing on her mind during her time away from him. He—Ryan McQuaid was the last man she loved, the last man who made her laugh and smile, the last man she shared intimate moments with and the last man who made her truly happy.

"No, it was nothing like that, he helped me leave the country and get a new cover and start-up funds, that's all, I have no idea how to reach him."

"You haven't been in touch with him?"

"No, not in the last 7 months."

"But you've been away 8 months." Ryan didn't know why he was torturing himself, but part of him just needed to know.

Annie sighed. If this was the truth he wanted, she could handle it. "You sure you want to use up your questions on this?"

"Use up my questions?"

"I don't want to relive the past, Ryan. I need to move on and focus on Sabine. I'm giving you a limit. Five more questions and then I'm done. You know most of what you need to know."

He knew himself, he had better get the truth or it would eat away at him and he wanted them to have a chance.

"Yeah, I need to know Walker."

Annie sighed, "We traveled together, I was still recovering and he was a glorified luggage carrier, he helped build my cover. That's it. Satisfied?"

Annie felt if she gave up some truth, she wouldn't have to give up everything. But she felt uncomfortable. Uneasy. Afraid he would just keep asking questions. It was in his nature to find the truth. She hoped she succeeded in limiting his questions.

Ryan's phone sounded. It was the air strip, his private jet was fueled and ready.

I don't want to push, but I've been wondering all these months about a few more things, more than a few and I deserve some answers, but all that can wait. There's a plane and a baby waiting for us."

Ryan wasn't sure if he believed her or not, but for now he accepted her responses. They went back to her room for her to change and gather her belongings.

"Well you have four more questions so use them wisely McQuaid," said Annie as she got up. It was time to go _home_.


	72. Chapter 72: Homecoming

Note: Sorry for the delay. I kept rewriting this chapter, I wasn't sure if it was too soon for a certain moment or not, but in the end I stuck with my first instinct. "Trust your gut" right? Anyway, I hope it seems right to readers. Thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it. Stick around, there's more to come!

/ /

Annie spent the first hour of the flight catching up on Sabine's schedule and routines with Calder. She saw how enamored Calder was with the little girl, she wasn't just a novelty for her, he really liked her and enjoyed taking care of her. She could tell he would miss her, so she let him continue to fuss over Sabine for most of the plane ride. Their conversation eventually turned to the baby's parents. Annie wanted to know more about Rachael Musa who was born Rachael Whitney Moore and her parents. They had disowned her when she married Bobby after his residency and her graduate work. The couple moved to Mali and began their respective work.

Calder read her in on what he knew about Rachel's family, some of it Annie knew as well since Rachael told her about her upbringing. They were only to be contacted in the event of Bobby Musa's death. The Moores had been trying to contact Bobby since Rachael died to no avail. They wanted to give their daughter a Christian burial and they wanted to meet their granddaughter, but he refused knowing how they treated his wife because of him. The Moores felt remorseful for their treatment of their daughter in the wake of her death and were willing to accept Bobby and his daughter, but Bobby rejected all their requests.

"Any news on Bobby?"

"Walker, you're no longer cleared to know. Now if you want to be, I can make it happen. . ." said Calder.

"So after risking my life for the agency for the umpteenth time, I'm not privy to information on someone I helped you recruit? Calder, I care about him, you don't have to tell me the details, but make sure he has the resources and support he needs. Please."

"I feel responsible for him too Annie." Calder felt connected to Musa now through little Sabine, he wasn't just a convenient person to use for intel.

"Do you have an exit strategy for him?"

"He doesn't want one, he's dedicated to his country."

"You can be persuasive Calder, remind him of what he has to lose, of what she has to lose," said Annie motioning to Sabine.

Calder looked down at the baby, gave her a peck on her forehead and handed her over to Annie. "I best be getting some work done."

/ /

Annie was happy to hold Sabine as she slept. She knew it was a terrible habit, but holding the small infant and watching her sleep gave her such a sense of peace and calm. She immediately felt relaxed and reclined her chair, eventually she fell asleep herself.

/ /  
>"We'll be landing in Virginia in less than an hour," said Ryan as he emerged from the cockpit. Annie asked groggily, "Where's Sabine?"<p>

"She woke up and I fed her and changed her diaper. Calder showed me how. She's sleeping now."

Annie smiled, "I would have liked to see that."

"Oh you'll see plenty of that, I'm going to be around to help with Sabine."

It felt so surreal to Annie as they flew near D.C. Annie looked out the window and saw familiar and comfortable sights of home. She planned on visiting her favorite parks, monuments and museums with Sabine. Just a few days ago she didn't know if she'd ever get out of the hut where she was held captive and now she was home, it was such a strange feeling.

"You know I was thinking, this weekend, we could have a few people over to celebrate your homecoming. Joan, Auggie, Barber, Calder, Dex, the whole crew. I know your friends will want to see you, especially Auggie. What do you say?"

"I want to focus on Sabine and settle in slowly, she needs a local pediatrician for her immunizations and check-ups, I want to set up an account for her with the money her father gave me, and I'm not so sure I want to see anyone."

"Will you be ready by Christmas? I also have the Annual McQuaid Securities Client Appreciation and Holiday Party in three weeks. It will be a who's who of DC."

When he elicited no response from Annie, he continued.

"How about we start slow and decorate the house for Sabine's first Christmas. We can talk about having company and the party in a week or so."

"I'm not sure how long I'll be staying Ryan, I'm here for as long as Sabine needs someone and there's no telling how long that is, so I'd rather fly under the radar."

"You didn't just leave me, you left other people who care about you. It would be nice to let them know you're _okay_."

"I wanted all of you to forget about me," said Annie thinking she was nowhere near okay.

"What about what I wanted? Did you ever consider that?" asked McQuaid in a harsher tone than he intended.

Annie shot back, "Ryan, I did what I thought was best for everyone and that was to leave, to get away from the people **_I_** caused the most hurt and pain. I don't know how many different ways I can tell the same story."

Ryan let out a deep frustrated sigh, "None of what happened was your fault Walker, I wish you would stop punishing yourself for it, did it ever occur to you that by punishing yourself you've punished me too. That bastard Kravec hurt us, he caused the miscarriage and he's behind bars now. Don't let him have the satisfaction of taking away your happiness and mine."

Annie froze at the sound of the name. It wasn't easy to escape someone on a plane, but she needed to get out of the conversation. "I asked you not to say his name, I need to use the restroom before we land."

"We're not done talking about this Walker," said Ryan.

Annie turned around, "I'm not the same person I was when we met Ryan and I never will be that person again. Talking isn't going to change that."

/ /

The crew helped Annie and McQuaid load Sabine's things into the car. Calder had acquired a bit of gear in Germany and it seemed Sabine's suitcase was heavier than Annie's. There was a car seat already installed in McQuaid's Mercedes SUV. Calder needed go to Langley to finish up reports. He grew attached to Sabine and shared a sweet moment with her before he handed her back to Annie to secure in the car seat.

"Thank you Calder, I know I've said it, but thank you for getting me out of there."

"No need, I felt responsible for your trouble. I'm sorry Walker for sucking you back in, you're one of the toughest people I know and I know you'll be okay."

"Just don't come around asking for favors anytime soon," said Annie.

"Better yet don't even ask her for any favors," interjected Ryan.

"I will come by to see this girl before I return to my post if that's okay."

"Of course, I think she's grown quite fond of you too."

Calder and Annie shared a hug. He was going to miss the baby he took care for the last few days. He could honestly say it was lifechanging. Ryan walked with Calder to his car and said, "Do I have your word that you'll leave Annie alone?"

"The CIA isn't going to let go of their investment so easily, I'll do what I can, but there are people above my pay grade who might think differently."

"Calder, she said she wanted out for good."

"I know and she's in no state to be in the field, however, I know the DCI, he's not going to let her go so easily. There will always threats that call for Walker's skills, but I'll do what I can. She's got some issues to work through and all of it will be in my report. Just make sure she reports to debrief and therapy, she's going to need it after everything she's been through."

The men shake hands and part.

/ /

Ryan returned to the car where Annie was figuring out how to secure Sabine into the car seat. Sabine was fussing for a bit and he heard Annie singing "Summertime" to her which calmed her down. She had the most beautiful voice and Ryan remembered it well. For a moment, it hit Ryan that he and Annie could have been driving around their son, Sabine was about the same age as he would have been. He swallows the lump in his throat and looked over at Annie, "We all good?"

"Yeah, I'll just sit back here next to her in case she fusses, are you okay with that?"

"Sure, my lucky day to chauffeur two pretty ladies."

Ryan looked at the rear view mirror and noticed a far off expression on Annie's face. Maybe she was having the same thoughts as he was about what could have been. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Huh?"

"You looked far away, what were you thinking about?"

"It's just strange to be back again, this was the longest I've been away. Whenever I returned from missions in the past, I'd always take a long bath to wash off the mission and eat ice cream out of the carton. Seems silly, but it was my ritual to get grounded."

"Well, we can make that happen once we get home."

Annie stared out the window the entire drive back to McQuaid's house. She hadn't expected to ever go back there or to ever see Ryan again. At least not this soon. She had imagined running into him in ten or twenty years and in her daydreaming she hoped he would have a family and be happy.

Annie could feel Ryan looking at her, stealing glances her way, it was familiar to her and reminded her of the time she drove him to his safe house. She looked back at him through the rearview mirror back then. He was a fugitive and slouched in the backseat and she risked her career to help him. She remembered he was the somber and angry one back then, but it didn't keep them from sleeping together once they go to his safe house. That day was a good memory for Annie, one of many with Ryan she hung onto and went through when dark thoughts filled her mind.

"Ryan, before things get too sticky, I want say I appreciate everything you're doing for me, but I want to be clear, the only reason I'm going home with you is because of Sabine and the promise I made to her father. I'll move into my own place as soon as I can."

"Whatever you say Annie, I know I can't compel you to do anything." Saud McQuaid.

"You may not want to pick up where we left off right now, but whenever you are ready, I'll be waiting. And I've waited a long time Walker, I'm a patient man," said Ryan with a smile.

/ /

When they arrived at McQuaid's home, it seemed even more secure than it was before. Annie noticed a new gate that is higher than the old one and there were more cameras set up along the perimeter of Ryan's home. A code was needed to enter the garage after the gated driveway and another to get inside.

"Wow, you weren't kidding that you've upgraded your security"

"After what happened at the beach house, I upgraded all my systems. I couldn't take any chances. There's a guard posted out front and in the back, it's grunt work, all new recruits have to serve a rotation."

"You and Sabine will have someone with you at all times too."

"You really think that's necessary?"

"I want you to feel safe and after what Kra-," Ryan remembered that Annie asked him not to repeat Kravec's name. "what that SOB did, I took a look at my security systems and had risk analysis re-evaluate. We noticed a couple of gaps in my coverage. Gaps that if covered could have prevented what happened. I won't take any chances."

They entered the kitchen.

"None of what happened was a result of any gaps in coverage Ryan. It had everything to do with _me and my job_, he was after me and he would have gotten to me no matter what."

"Let's talk about something else, you're back home, so this is a happy occasion. I had some champagne chilled to celebrate."

Ryan had arranged for his crew to lay out a spread of fruit, cheese, and champagne. He went to pop the cork and poured two glasses for them.

"To a new beginning and happier times."

Annie downed her champagne quickly though she hadn't had much to drink since leaving town, she needed something to take the edge off of being back in D.C. and back in Ryan's home. He looked at her strangely as she held her glass out to him, he poured her another glass.

She said, "Thank you," and drank that glass quickly as well.

/ /

Ryan carried Sabine who was sleeping in her carseat inside and showed Annie Sabine's room. It was the guest room they had talked about making their son's nursery. After he found out Sabine was in Annie's charge, he had Costa put together the crib and changing table, which had been in boxes in his garage until earlier that day. The décor blended in beautifully with McQuaid's décor as they had hoped when they chose the furniture during happier times. Annie took Sabine from the car seat and placed her peacefully sleeping body down on the crib.

"Remember we discussed making this room the nursery, what do you think? It's the closest room to the Master. The video monitor is on wi-fi and hooked up so you can see her from any device if we set it up that way."

Of course Annie remembered though it was a bittersweet memory. "I remember, it's beautiful, thank you for getting all this ready for Sabine."

"So, which room should I take? Actually, I can stay in this room, that way I don't have far to go when she wakes up at night."

"Walker, there are plenty of rooms to go around. The Master is yours," said Ryan.

"No Ryan, it's just too much, I don't need the Master. It's at least five times bigger than my bedroom in Africa. I . . . " she looked around, it all felt so wrong, so opulent and excessive compared to the surroundings she had in captivity and the home she had the last 8 months. "I'm used to much smaller quarters now."

Ryan doesn't quite understand, he lived in luxury for many years without a care and with more choices, more toys and more space than needed. Annie felt lost after witnessing how the majority of people in Mali lived. Coming home and especially returning to McQuaid's estate was a culture shock and an adjustment on so many levels.

"No arguments, besides, the Master bath has a bathtub, the other only has a shower stall. _And_ there is a surprise waiting inside for you. "

"Ryan, you don't need to spoil me."

"Well, this isn't so much a gift as a part of the family."

Annie was puzzled, but curious, Ryan asked before he acted, "May I cover your eyes?" Annie gave him a quizzical look and with hesitation drew out her next word, "Okay? I guess?" He led her into the master with his hands over her eyes to keep her from seeing.

Even before he opened the door, Annie heard a distinct scratching and whimpering noise. When the door opened, she heard metal jingle and then realized a dog was sniffing her vigorously. Ryan uncovered Annie's eyes and she immediately saw a fine looking German Shepard with its' tail wagging furiously. It went straight to Ryan, jumping to lick his face, the dog made a series of high pitched vocalizations as Ryan spoke lovingly and rubbed the dog's body and head. "Hey, I missed you too."

Annie immediately is all smiles and joined Ryan in petting the sweet dog who after greeting Ryan went to sniff Annie.

"She's still a pup, as excited as ever."

"She's beautiful Ryan. What's her name?"

"You already know it, you have the stuffed version," said Ryan with his signature charm.

Annie registered his words in her thoughts, she asked surprised, "Ruby? Really? You went and got her even after I left?"

Ryan briefly thought back to that day when he drove out in the Virginia countryside to pick up Ruby from the breeder. He wished he had been by Annie's side instead, but wasn't sure what difference it would have made in the end. He stopped beating himself up about it and had come to love the energetic puppy who had given him something to do and care for in the months Annie was gone.

"Actually, I picked her up before you left. I wanted to surprise you at the hospital, I thought seeing the dog you longed for would cheer you up. . ." He seemed far away when he spoke, his voice lowered to almost a whisper as he looked down and shook his head, "You were so unrecognizable to me, I didn't know what to do for you. . . that day you had the procedure was horrible, I felt so helpless. . ."

Annie felt the pain in Ryan's voice as she listened to him speak of that day. She remembered it vividly despite her efforts to forget. She was numb and not herself. So much had been done to her, she didn't care about the pain. She had already endured the worst and lost something that had become so precious to her, something that symbolized hope and a future. She thought she finally had found peace and happiness, but it wasn't meant to be.

Annie turned to face away from Ryan who finally spoke again. "Anyway, I decided to keep her, she was a way to remember you and the plans we had together."

Annie hugged and petted the dog. Ruby loved all the attention. "Well she sure seems friendly and sweet Ryan, not exactly a watch dog," said Annie.

"She knows you. . ."

Annie looked at him puzzled, "But I only ever met her that one time."

"She knows your scent, I made sure of it. When I went to the hospital to see you the day after we got you out, I had her hidden in my bag. I hoped that having something to take care of would help you recover, so I snuck her into the hospital, but you were gone. She was a pup, then, just weaned at eight weeks. I took the gown you wore, the pillowcase and your hairbrush and stuck it in her kennel. I had her sniff everything you left behind. I think she saved me during those tough first weeks, she usually goes with me everywhere."

Annie didn't want him to see her about to lose it.

Ryan felt something he was unaccustomed to feeling, maybe it was nerves, he kept rattling, "She's almost one, she's had some training, but the real training starts after she turns one. I also bought a couple of her littermates for McQuaid Security. You got me thinking about a K9 unit. We're starting one, going to be the best in the business, maybe you can get involved once you are up for it."

Ryan noticed Annie wiping away tears as she stood from kneeling on the floor with Ruby. "Hey, what's the matter? I thought Ruby would be a nice surprise." He got in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. He had forgotten that she could react poorly to being surprised, but she didn't flinch this time. Her guard was down.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to be the cause of your tears."

It didn't bother Annie to feel Ryan's strong arms around her, she felt moved that he brought Ruby to the hospital, but he was right, probably wouldn't have made a difference back then. Maybe it was the champagne, but she was sad, sorry, and regretful that she caused him so much pain. She thought he would move on and forget all about her, but he hadn't. He'd kept his memories of her alive and he spent the last eight months hanging on to them. She felt his deep love for her and it overwhelmed her so much that she forgot for a moment all the terrible things Kravec did to her.

"She is the best surprise," whispered Annie into his ear as she felt compelled to lock her fingers behind his neck, returning his embrace.

Annie looked up at him and saw his eyes were wet. He met her gaze, holding her there in his home made his desire for her grow, but he wanted to take things slow given Annie's health and emotional state. But as he felt the movements of her chest against his body, he stopped thinking. Ryan wiped away her tears and kissed her, he was surprised when she kissed him back. Ryan stopped and said, "I was about to apologize for being too forward. . ."

"Let's both stop apologizing," said Annie as she continued kissing Ryan's open lips. He started to kiss her back passionately, he couldn't quite believe what was happening as he began to unbutton her shirt as she continued to reciprocate his kisses.

"Oh God, I've missed you, I've dreamt about this, about you, about us." said Ryan breathlessly. He lifted her tank top over his head and reached for bra clasp, he unhooked it and saw the scars on her chest causing him to stop for a moment. There were new scars mixed in with the ones he knew by heart. Annie was embarrassed and covered herself with her arms.

He stopped her and said, "You're gorgeous, away out of my league. I almost didn't make it without you, but I knew you'd come back," he backed her onto the bed and kissed her scars tenderly and moved to caress her breasts causing her to feel so much she couldn't contain. She hadn't been touched so lovingly and passionately since the last time she made love to him at the beach house the night before Kravec came for her.

She lifted his shirt over his head, he wiped away her tears and moved his hands, tongue and lips all over her small frame. He worked his way back up to her face while she wrapped her legs around his waist and felt his taut stomach. She tried to focus on him, she wanted him, her body felt the desire and longing that had been foreign to her for the last eight months. What she felt was instinctual, it was human to be aroused by the things Ryan was doing to her, but she had to fight the demons in her head. Here body's reactions and longing for him had to win.

He was gentle with her knowing she is still physically fragile and when he finally entered her, she winced, but closed her eyes and bore the pleasurable pain as tears rolled down her cheeks. She tried desperately to enjoy making love with Ryan again while pushing aside the dark visions that crept in. She tried with all her mental power to focus, to remember where she was and whom she was with.

Having sex after all this time was painful emotionally and physically. She called out his name as he climaxed to remind herself of who was inside of her. Ryan let out a deep sigh of pleasure and satisfaction. His eyes found hers where he noticed her tears and grimace. "Are you okay, did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just. . . it's just been a long long time since . . you know so it felt. . .I'm okay."

"There was no one else since?" asked Ryan genuinely surprised.

"No, having sex with someone else was the last thing on my mind." replied Annie instantly. She was a bit insulted and perturbed, then she realized that technically she told a lie.

"I love you Annie Walker," said Ryan as he kissed her bare and scarred back.

The fatigue and the emotions from the last few days caught up with Ryan who fell asleep peacefully with Annie's back to his chest. He was grateful she was back home and safe in his arms. They were back on track faster than he dreamt. The anger and frustration he felt the last few months melted away. Annie remained awake after they made love silently crying. Making love with Ryan triggered memories she spent the last eight months trying to bury deep in the recesses of her brain. She could tell he had fallen asleep by the changes in his breathing and she was relieved.

After she was sure Ryan was sound asleep, she got up and went to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and sat under the steaming hot water where she sobbed uncontrollably.


	73. Chapter 73: Nighttime Feedings

Note: Thanks for the reviews and feedback!

Ryan stirred in bed, he was slightly confused, he'd never been woken up to the sound of a baby's cries. When he realized it was Sabine crying over the monitor, his senses returned and he saw that Annie wasn't next to him. He looked at the clock wondering how long he had been asleep. It felt like he had been asleep for a lot longer than he actually had. Sabine's cries ceased, it seemed like she put herself back to sleep. Ryan got up and put on his boxer briefs. He heard the sound of the shower and went to check on Annie.

Through the steamed up shower enclosure Ryan made out Annie sitting on the tile floor with her knees to her chest. Annie had been in the shower for nearly an hour. At first she cried, then she spent a long time soaping and scrubbing her body until her skin turned red. When she had emptied what was left of Ryan's shower gel, she sat back down and images of being violently assaulted and making love to Ryan interspersed rapidly in her head and she just wanted it all to stop. She wanted so desperately to feel clean. The sound of the water hitting her skull while she covered up her ears drowned out Kravec's voice, but at the same time it drowned out the many beautiful moments she shared with Ryan.

With her hearing muffled, Annie didn't notice Ryan entering the bathroom, he opened the shower door and tried to talk to Annie. When she didn't respond, he turned off the water and reached for her, "Annie, you all right? She quickly backed away from the door as he tried to reach for her. The look on her face was familiar to him. He stepped out to turn on the fan and to grab a towel for her. He said softly, "Come out of there, your skin is all red, I pretty sure you're clean by now."

Clean, she didn't know what she could do to ever feel that way again.

Sabine started to cry again and with the shower off, Annie heard it through the monitor in the bedroom. The sound of Sabine's wails snapped Annie out of it. "Is that Sabine?"

"Yeah, she's been crying, I'll go to her, don't worry."

"No, no, I'm getting out. I'll go to her."

"You're all wet Annie, I can go now," said Ryan heading out of the bathroom. He would talk to Annie later, right now the needs of a baby were calling.

He opened a drawer and threw on a t-shirt before rushing to Sabine's room. He scooped her up, bounced her up and down and spoke sweetly to her. He felt her diaper the way Calder had taught him and it was bulging, so he changed it while speaking softly to the baby. "In the morning, I'll show you around the house and take you to the backyard, but right now I'll get you a bottle and then it's back to bed. It's dark out now and it's time to sleep." After changing her diaper, he carried a crying baby to the kitchen where he carefully added purified water to the four ounce mark and measured out two scoops of formula. He shook up the bottle and then began to feed the impatient and hungry baby.

Annie quickly dried off and looked in the closet to find something of McQuaid's to wear. She had yet to unpack. But when she entered the closet she saw women's clothing hanging. At first she thought they belonged to someone else before she started to recognize the garments were _hers_. She opened the drawers that were hers thinking they'd be empty or filled with his things, but they weren't. _Her_ clothes were there. She went through the drawers that were hers and chose a familiar t-shirt and a pair of cotton pajama pants. She went back to the bathroom and blow-dried her hair so it wasn't dripping wet. She wanted to go to Sabine, but then she heard Ryan with Sabine over the monitor. He was speaking softly to her telling her about what they would do the next day and it made her smile. She wasn't sure she could go to sleep, her mind was trying to settle.

Annie met Ryan in the hall as he walked back to the nursery from the kitchen. He smiled, "I'm taking this shift, you can get the next one, just get some sleep."

"I couldn't sleep earlier so, if you're tired, I can finish feeding her."

"We're not going to argue about who gets to feed her, go to bed Walker," he said kissing her head.

Annie looked at Sabine who was drinking her formula with her eyes closed. She saw that Ryan had handled things just fine so she walked back to the bedroom and tried to fall asleep. She lay there thinking about what had happened between her and Ryan and what was going on in her head before, during and after. She didn't want to take the meds given for her anxiety and depression, but she just might need to if she was going to get through what she was going through. Returning home was tough, way tougher than she anticipated. When Ryan returned to bed she pretended she was asleep as he crept next to her and turned off the lights. He kissed her and whispered, "Good night," softly and pulled the overs up on her. The darkness had become her enemy, she starred at the sliver of moonlight coming in from the windows and waited until he fell asleep again to leave the room.

Just before the alarm sounded, Ryan woke to see Annie no longer next to him, again. He looked around the bedroom and saw the time, it was barely 630 in the morning. He hadn't woken up since midnight when he went to feed and change Sabine. He was surprised the baby didn't wake up again. He turned on the monitor and saw Sabine still sleeping in her crib. Then he sees that Annie's settled into the floor next to Sabine's crib beside the faint glow of the night light. She must have gone in when Sabine woke up again thought Ryan. He decided she looked so peaceful, he left her there while he got coffee and breakfast ready.

Ryan is working on his laptop in the kitchen when Annie walked in holding Sabine.

"You two are up," said Ryan cheerfully.

"Yeah, she didn't even cry this time, just heard her cooing, it was adorable."

"When did you go to her?"

"Around 4 a.m. or so," yawned Annie as she bounced Sabine who woke up happy.

"How did you wind up on the floor?"

"I couldn't put her down, she fussed, so I lay down next on the floor and sang to her."

"You should come back to bed next time, it's not comfy on the floor," said Ryan as he started to make a bottle for Sabine.

Annie brought Sabine over to the windows and looked out with her.

"I was fine," she whispered.

"Coffee?" asked Ryan as he handed the bottle to Annie.

"Coffee sounds great. I'd love some."

"About last night, what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I found you, you were just sitting in the shower and you didn't seem to know where you were until you heard Sabine crying. You can talk to me, I want you to know that, you can always talk to me."

Ryan prepared Annie's coffee as they talked.

"I did want to talk about last night, it was. . ."

He cut her off knowing what she was going to say. . . "It was nice to be together again, at least for me, but that's not what you were going to say."

Annie looked down and smiled. She did want to be with him last night, she thought of him and the good times they had during her darkest moments while away. All her feelings for him were still there, but at the same time being intimate with Ryan brought back a host of emotions and connections she wasn't able to face. Her love for him was forever linked to Ivan Kravec and she wasn't sure she could get over it.

"It was nice Ryan, but I'm not sure it was a good idea. I was emotional and a little tipsy and it isn't good for me to go back there."

"Back where? Back to where you were happy?"

Ryan had poured the coffee while watching Annie feed Sabine as she talked with him. He had been thinking that everything was going well. He was happy to be sharing his home with her again, it wasn't empty and lonely anymore. He poured cream and sugar into her coffee, mixed it and slid the mug over towards her.

"Thanks," said Annie as she handed Sabine and her bottle over to Ryan. Sabine's big brown eyes looked up at Ryan and he made out a smile though the bottle was in her mouth. He smiled back and she continued drinking.

"I was happy, but a lot has happened since."

"We'll take it slow then, do you want some eggs? I can whip up some after Sabine is done with her bottle."

Annie sipped her coffee slowly and said, "I can make us some."

"Since when did you start cooking?" asked Ryan with disbelief.

"Necessity I suppose, I can whip up a few things," said Annie as she went to McQuaid's large Sub Zero.

"I still don't understand why one person needs such a large refrigerator."

When Annie opened the door, she saw the pressed juices and yogurts she liked and had lived on. Ryan must have had them purchased for her. He was always so thoughtful, always mindful of what she liked and always prepared. She grabbed a few eggs and milk and closed the door.

"So what's on tap today?"

"I believe there's a pediatrician appointment to review Sabine's immunizations at 11:30 a.m."

"That gives you time to get some sleep before we head out."

"I'm okay and I can go with Sabine on my own, I'm sure you have a lot of work to do," said Annie as she cracked and whipped the eggs.

"You didn't want to overdo it, you were just in a hospital bed. I'd like to go to the doctor visit and maybe we can get some Christmas decorations afterwards."

After breakfast, Ryan played with Sabine and Annie went back to bed. She didn't feel tired, but she fell asleep as the glow of sunlight lit the room.

/ /

Annie saw brochures for Mommy and Me Playgroups, Postpartum Depression Support Groups Music and Gym classes and something called Baby Boot camp at the pediatrician's office. As she flipped through the baby and parenting magazines she thought about the whole new world she wasn't ever a part of, but could have been. She looked over to Ryan who was flipping through a magazine and wondered if he thought the same. She felt like she was living a dream, she was somewhat familiar with the needs of young children while living with her sister and nieces, but she never had to take care of a child on a daily basis.

Waiting in a pediatrician's office was the life she and Ryan could have had if she managed to keep their baby safe. Part of her is pained at the thought of what could have been, but so was also happy with Sabine her arms. Ryan looked up from the article he was reading, "Says here that co-sleeping is a good thing and babies need to know their parents area nearby."

"Everyone in Africa and most of the world sleeps with their babies next to them."

"Maybe we can try that tonight," said Ryan.

The nurse called the parents of Sabine Rachael Musa, Annie and Ryan looked at each other and stood up. Ryan held out his hand, after a second, Annie took it. He carried the carseat that held Sabine, with his other hand and they followed the nurse into the exam room.


	74. Chapter 74: Loose Ends

Note: I appreciate your reviews and feedback. I think Annie tries to use all her strength to deal with her past, she borrows on her past strengths, but she's very fragile now. Sabine offers her strength, hope, and a reason to remain in D.C. and take care of herself.

;;

Everything was well with Sabine, her growth trajectory was going in the right direction and she was up to date on her immunizations. The pediatrician instructed Annie and Ryan to watch for reactions from the vaccines and to offer infant Tylenol if Sabine developed a fever. Ryan carried Sabine in her carseat as they walked out and made her next Well Baby appointment for next month. Annie looked at her watch when they finished checking out and said, "Can you take Sabine on home? I have a couple of things to do."

It was the first Ryan heard of it and he was hesitant to leave Annie, "We can keep you company."

"I'll be fine. It'll take a couple of hours to get everything done and it'll run into her nap and feeding schedule. We didn't pack enough formula to last the whole time."

"How are you going to get around?"

"I didn't forget how to get around D.C. in my time away," said Annie with a smile.

She had bags under her eyes and looked fatigued. Ryan's face couldn't hide his concern and as if she could read his mind, she said, "I'm not high tailing it out of town, I'd never leave Sabine." But you would leave me, you did leave me thought Ryan.

"Can you tell me what you need to do? Maybe I can help with your errands."

Annie sighed. "If you must know, I made an appointment with my gynecologist, it's right here in the same medical complex. I need birth control."

"Oh," said Ryan who was turning red and caught off-guard. "I know being in hospitals and doctor's offices hasn't been easy, I can stay and support you."

Annie wasn't looking forward to her appointment, but she had concerns to discuss with the doctor and she didn't want Ryan there.

"Honestly, I just need some time alone, I'll be home by dinner."

"Where will you be after the appointment? I can send a car for you."

"I can figure things out, if you just take care of Sabine for the next couple of hours. . ."

She kissed Sabine on the forehead and sensing Ryan's worries, she put her hand on his bearded cheek. "Don't worry about me, I'll bring some dinner on my way home," said Annie after she kissed him softly on the lips.

/ /

Reread: Chapters 33-35 for Dr. O'Connor appearances post Annie's capture by Kravec.

As Annie waited in the waiting room of Dr. O'Connor's OB-GYN practice, she thought about how Ryan had offered to invite people over for dinner ever since they got on the plane to return to D.C. Each time Annie came up with an excuse. She said she needed time to get her bearings and still felt weak from the dengue fever and ordeal in Mali. She was tired from the jet lag, but most of her fatigue resulted from her insomnia at night. Annie knew she had to face people sooner or later. Auggie had been dying to see Annie, but he also wanted to give her the space she needed. She had two missed calls from him since she arrived back. Joan understood Annie's need for some time, so allowed her to have a week before she had to report for therapy, but Annie needed to see Joan, so she arranged a meeting after her doctor's appointment.

"Ms. Porter?"

"Yes,"

"Have you finished the new patient forms?"

"Yes, here they are."

"Great, the receptionist will enter your insurance information, come this way."

The nurse took her weight, blood pressure, and asked her questions about her last menstrual period and the reason for her visit before leading her to the exam room.

"Take off all your clothing, including your underwear and bra. There's a gown and paper blanket on the exam table."

"Thanks,"

"Dr. O'Connor will be in shortly."

Annie looked around and started undressing when the nurse left. She didn't want to sit or lie on the exam table for longer than necessary, so instead she stood and read the flyers and posters on the walls. There was a poster on fetal growth and development that caught Annie's interest. A firm knock startled her. The doctor as with most doctors, wasn't asking for an invitation to enter, the knock was a warning that she was coming in. The door swung open before Annie could utter a response.

The doctor's eyes were on the chart with her glasses on the tip of her nose, "Hello Ms. Porter, I'm Dr. O'Connor," said the woman just as she looked up and into Annie's face. Her jaw dropped when recognition hit her. "You're not Ms. Porter."

"For now, I am and my insurance is under her name."

Annie closed the door because the doctor was stunned and remained frozen with the clipboard in her hand. She took off her glasses and studied Annie some more. "You disappeared, people thought you were dead."

"Well, I'm not and it looks like you need a seat."

The doctor went to her stool and sat, "You're one of those patients a doctor comes across a couple of times in their career. I've thought about you from time to time. You look okay despite your ordeal."

"There are good days and bad ones,"

"I can only imagine, have you sought help in your time away?"

Annie shook her head.

"What can I do for you? Says here your visit is for birth control."

"Well, I have some questions first."

"Of course."

"The rape kit you performed, what happened to it?"

"Your emergency contact, the blond woman took the contents with all the samples. It will still stand up in a court of law as long as everything remained sealed. The statue of limitations is far from up. I have copies of my reports and pictures, but none of the samples. We verified that you hadn't showered and the clothes you wore when you were recovered were sealed too. I'm always ready and willing to testify on behalf of my patients. Are you here because you're ready to press charges?"

Annie's heart started to race, beads of sweat began to form on her forehead, she shook her head vigorously. The doctor looked at her with concern, she got up to get a cup from the dispenser and filled it with water and handed it to Annie. "Sit, please."

"No, no, that's not why I'm here. I want everything you have, the electronic files, the pictures, all of it."

The doctor decided to change the subject. She could see the patient was filled with anxiety. "Let's see, according to the intake, your last menstrual period was about a year ago?"

Annie nodded.

"So you haven't had a period since your pregnancy?"

Annie shook her head. "I've had spotting here and there, but not a regular period like I've had before the. . .(Annie took a deep breath) before the pregnancy."

"Have you had any gynecological care since I last saw you?"

Annie shook her head.

"And you haven't used any birth control?"

Annie shook her head.

"Let's do an exam and a panel on your hormone levels, it's not uncommon after a miscarriage to take time for periods to return, it could be as much physical as psychological, but if you're thinking about having a family one day, we can work up the reasons behind the amenorrhea."

Annie wasn't sure if she wanted a family, she didn't want the heartache and didn't feel worthy or healthy enough to be a mother. She seemed lost in thought.

"But it says on your intake you want birth control, various irth control pills can help regulate you and bring back your period, I would suggest that, but after your blood work returns and I study it."

Annie says, "Can I have a diaphragm in the mean time?"

"Of course, I was going to suggest a back-up method if that's what you want."

The doctor called the nurse's desk and asked for a valium and portable ultrasound machine. The nurse returned with everything. The doctor remembered the damage done to Annie's pelvic region as a result of her assault and the subsequent D & C. She suspected scarring in her uterus and near her cervix.

"Here take this,"

"What? Why?"

The doctor was very mindful of how victims of violent assault felt about physical and especially gynecological exams, so said, "Valium, it will help you get through the exam, go on, take it, there's no need to boot strap it." Annie wasn't as stalwart as she was that day months ago, she knew she needed to get through the visit, so she swallowed the pill.

While the doc waited for the medicine to kick in, she asked Annie some more questions and finally, if she had anyone to talk to about what happened. Annie said, "No." The doctor went to a drawer and pulled out a sheet with a list of Rape Crisis lines and support groups all over D.C., Virginia and Maryland. Annie said, "I don't need it,"

"The only way to work through what happened to you is to talk about it and find support from others who understand what you went through," said Dr. O'Connor. "I'll leave this here on your purse."

Annie got through the rest of the exam. The doctor could see scarring inside her uterus, but her cervix had healed well. She suggested an outpatient surgery to remove the scarring. Annie wasn't concentrating on the doctor's words. She measured Annie for a diaphragm and it was over in a few minutes. During the entire time Annie starred up at the pictures of the ocean and fields of meadows with wildflowers on the ceiling. She heard the doctor's voice and it helped drown out the memories of the last time her feet were in stirrups.

"While you're here, I'll take a quick Pap to get a baseline and we can test of any STDs, though according the exam we took nearly nine months ago, you were clear," said the Doctor.

When it was all over the doctor said, "You did great. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know honestly, I never thought I'd be back here," responded Annie.

"Well, it's a step in the right direction, getting back into a relationship and developing sexual feelings again. What happened to you was horrible and violent, but sex is beautiful when shared by two people in a loving relationship, have you and your partner been through counseling together?"

Annie shook her head, "He doesn't know and he won't if I can help it, now back to the files and pictures, can I have them?"

The doctor looked at her, "If I give them to you, you will have a hard time getting any prosecutor use it as evidence, it has to stay with a neutral party, think about it and when you come back for your follow-up to review the labs, we can talk more."

Annie sighed, she would have to break-in to get the files. "Thank you doctor."

"Of course, here are the scripts for the diaphragm and birth control pills, don't fill the birth control just yet and please consider one of the support groups on that list, you can try a couple and find the right fit," said Dr. O'Connor.

"The lab is just a floor down and make an appointment for next week for us to go over the results."

With that the doctor looked at Annie and rubbed her arm, "I'm glad to see you here."

Annie smiled weakly.

/ /

When Joan approached the bench on the National Mall, Annie was waiting with two coffees. She stood and smiled. Joan wrapped her arms around Annie and said, "You don't know how happy I am to lay eyes on you."

"Never thought I'd be back this soon," replied Annie.

"I know, but here you are, funny how life works, you were meant to be here," said Joan.

Joan took a good long look at Annie, "You look tired,"

"I'm not sleeping well, but it's just the jet lag,"

"Um hmm", said Joan not believing it for a minute.

"Thanks for sending Rosemary, she's a hoot," said Annie.

"Yeah, one of the few mentors and people in corner at the agency, she'd love to hear from you. In fact, I just spoke to her yesterday and she asked about you, she extended an invitation to visit her to Bethesda," said Joan.

"Maybe you and I can take the babies there one weekend day," said Joan.

"Yeah, maybe after things settle a bit, still not sure how long I'll have Sabine. Any work on Musa?" asked Annie.

Joan shook her head, "He's safe, that's all I can tell you."

"I went to see Dr. O'Connor today, she wouldn't give me the electronic report files and pictures she has, can you help with that?"

Joan furrowed her brows. "You know I can't condone hacking or breaking and entering of any kind."

Annie nodded her head.

"What are you so worried about?"

"There are loose ends I can't afford to have," said Annie.

Despite protocol, Joan wanted to let Annie in on Kravec's possible trade and the off book mission Ben was running, but she could see what Rosemary meant, Annie was still not herself, she made a judgment call and decided the news that Kravec was still up to nefarious deeds from behind prison bars would be too much for her to handle. She was see what Ben's investigation yielded and if he could gather enough evidence to convince the State department that Kravec still posed a credible threat, he would be off the list of potential prisoners to trade.

"Your rape kit is tucked away in my safe at home, I don't think you have to worry about Dr. O'Connor's files," said Joan.

"You know the truth always has a way of coming out," said Annie.

"If you truly believe that you can get ahead of it by telling him what really happened, there is no shame in it Annie. None of it was your fault," said Joan.

"No, if we have any chance, any chance at all, what happened goes to the grave with me. The only people who know are you, Dora, O'Connor, and me."

Joan thought, you're forgetting that Kravec himself knows.

"Can I count on you Joan? Can I count on your silence?"

Joan nodded, "You're expected at your therapy sessions next week, it's all confidential and I hope you talk about everything that's happened to you during the sessions,"

"Thanks for agreeing to meet," said Annie.

"Auggie would love to see you,"

"I know, I'll call him later," said Annie.

The two women hugged and Joan said, "Stop by with Sabine for brunch on Saturday okay?"

"Sure, that would nice," said Annie.

/ /

Annie headed to one of her storage facilities, she went through her things, all reminders of her old life. She grabbed her lock pick set, an extra burner phone, some cash, and a clean passport. She also took a gun out. She placed everything in her purse and headed to the drug store and then to her favorite Chinese take-out joint for dinner.

/

Ryan paced his kitchen as Sabine cooed in the baby swing, it was closing it on 5pm and he left Annie at about 12:30. He wanted to give her the space she needed. He wanted to trust her, but a lot still nagged at him. He regretted not having one of his men wait outside the medical building for Annie to emerge after her appointment. But if he did that and she found out, she'd be livid. He remembered how angry she was when he found out he had been keeping tabs on her. But it turned out his gut was right, she was in trouble.

It was hard for him not to beat himself up over Annie's kidnapping, but he had to remember that he had her back and she was safe. He just needed her to come home so he could stop worrying, but what gave him hope was that she was visiting a doctor for birth control. While Ryan hoped they would eventually start a family, knowing that Annie wanted birth control was a sign that she was sticking around with him. He decided to snap out of it, she would be home soon like she said.

Ryan's phone sounded. It was a text from Annie, "Oh my way with mu shu pork, beef and broccoli, veggie fried rice, and ma po tofu, hope you're hungry."

A big smile came across his face and he said to baby Sabine, "Let's set the table, Annie's on her way!"


	75. Chapter 75: Broken

Note: None of these characters are mine. All belong to USA/CA writers. Enjoy!

/ /

Joan called Ben after she parted ways with Annie. She needed an update on his mission.

"Anything new?" asked Joan anxiously.

"There seems to be a pattern between our friend and one of the other guards. Somehow most of his shifts bring him close to our friend. It's just a hunch right now, I'm keeping an eye on it. I need to run a background check and do surveillance on this guy, but taking double shifts and overtime here makes it hard. I'm trying to chum it up with him, but he's not biting. You think you can get me any back-up?"

"That's a negative, this is off book and unsanctioned."

"Well, it's just going to take me longer, but I'm used to it."

Joan sighed, there wasn't much she could offer Ben by way of support.

"What's this guy's name? I'll see what I can find out."

"Flores, Manny. At least that's the one he uses here. He only got here a bit before I did, so that's one reason why I flagged him."

"Got it. Stay out of trouble."

Ben hung up, he wanted to ask after Annie, but he didn't. He couldn't. The best thing he could do for her was to keep this bastard Kravec from leaving American soil.

/ /

Ruby's barks filled the house. She ran to the front door and barked as she ran in circles. By the time Ryan got to the front door, Ruby began to let out high pitched yelps. She sensed that Annie was approaching the otherside of the door. Ryan had been alerted to Annie's arrival at the front gate and was on his way to the main door just as Annie opened it. Ruby greeted her excitedly and jumped up to kiss her like a pup would. Ryan pulled at her collar and told her, "No!" sharply. Annie was almost knocked over and she laughed. "We can't let her jump on people like that!" But Ryan was happy to hear her laugh. "Oh, it's all right, she's just excited that's all."

"If you keep laughing like that it will reinforce her bad behavior," chuckled Ryan.

"But I love that she's so full of energy!"

"Here, let me get those," said Ryan as he reached for the bags of Chinese Take-Out.

"Thanks," said Annie as she handed over the bags.

Ryan took the food and he looked into her eyes and touched her chin with his free hand. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead and then the lips. Annie wasn't expecting it. She blushed and said, "What was that for?"

"I missed you, is all, we both did," said Ryan nonchalantly as he started for the kitchen.

"I wasn't gone that long was I? How's Sabine?"

After Ryan got her back, he didn't really like having her out of sight, but he had to trust her as he hoped she would trust him. He wasn't an insecure man, if anything, he was always too confident for his own good, but knowing her and being with her had humbled him immensely.

"We had a great day, she took a nap and then we took a job with Ruby. I have to say that jogging stroller was a great investment. It's all-terrain all right! We set the table, it's all ready."

"Wow, thanks. Let me just go wash up." Annie was a bit stunned to see Ryan so comfortable with the baby and she had to admit she always knew he would make a wonderful and doting dad and seeing him in this light pained her to a certain extent. She had visions of the life they were meant to have together and in her darkest moments while away, those visions brought her comfort.

Annie headed towards the bedrooms to unload the items she took out of storage before Ryan noticed that he bag was heavier than when she left. She went into the closet in Sabine's room where she had already identified a spot stash her things.

As Annie washed her face, she could tell the Valium was wearing off, the edginess she lived with the last few months was returning slowly. She took a deep breath and went out to the dining room with a smile or at least she tried to be happy though underneath she had many worries over the work she needed to do keep what happened to her hidden. She hadn't seen Sabine a few hours and she was just what she needed to forget her anxieties.

/ /

Later that night, Annie fell asleep on the couch after putting Sabine down for the night. When Ryan finished reading his emails and catching up on work in his office, he walked out into the living room and noticed that Annie was on the couch. She looked so peaceful, he turned off CNN and unfolded the blanket on the back of the couch. When he placed it on her, he touched her to bring the blanket up to her shoulders. It caused her to wake suddenly and disturbed. Annie pushed him back away from her and threw the closest thing she could grab at him. A vase narrowly missed Ryan whose reflexes were still sharp. Annie froze at the sound of the crash and put her hands to her head breathing heavily and then onto her racing heart as she looked at her surroundings and realized where she was. She fell onto her knees with her back against the couch. She looked at the mess in shock as she continued to feel the pounding of her heart.

"Annie it's just me, what the hell was that?" asked Ryan.

"I'm so sorry . . . I thought. . .I don't know what happened. . ."

Annie started shaking and sobbing. Ryan was shocked himself and didn't know what to say or do at first. He sat down next to her and tried to put his arm around her, but she shrank into herself, pulled her knees to her chest and put her head down.

Ryan swallowed hard, he wanted to choose his words carefully. He knew she went through hell with Kravec and then in Mali and she was never one to wallow or share freely, but he wanted her to know that she could talk to him.

"You can talk to me about anything, I can handle it Walker. I'm a lot stronger than I look," he joked and she appreciated it. Ryan went on.

"I want to know what you're scared of, I want to know about your nightmares, you can tell me everything, every gory and painful detail. I'm not expert, but I know it will have less a hold on you if you would let it out."

He let his words sink in for a bit and eased closer to her. They were shoulder to shoulder. Finally she relaxed and leaned into his shoulder. She would _never_ tell him _everything,_ she didn't think he could handle it. In fact, she knew she couldn't handle it if he knew. She didn't want him to deal with the guilt and pain she knew he would feel and she knew he'd be angry at himself, but mostly she didn't want him to look at her differently or with pity. She felt damaged enough already.

"I know, it's irrational, I just, when I was last in Virginia. . . I don't know what happened. I was just surprised that's all."

"You know you're safe Annie, very safe. This place is a fortress remember? There are alarms everywhere and the guard at the front and back entrances. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or Sabine."

Annie nodded. "Was that expensive?"

"Are you listening to me? The vase doesn't matter Annie. What came to mind when you felt me near you?" asked McQuaid as he put his arm around her and reached for her hand with his other hand.

"Nothing, I just reacted that's all. I'm sorry. I'm glad you were fast. I could have gotten you good."

She wasn't going to talk and as frustrated as he was about that, he didn't want to push her. He knew that would be a mistake.

"I need to clean this up before we get cut on the glass," said Annie.

"I'll grab the vacuum and brown paper bag," said McQuaid as Annie began picking up the larger pieces of the vase. Annie fought back tears as she picked up the pieces of broken glass. She had been alone dealing with her demons for so long that being around people seemed to make her issues more pronounced. There was nowhere to hide. It was only her second night back, how was she going to live this life with Ryan? For a moment she held a shard of glass that broke almost perfectly into a blade-like shape. She looked over to the scar on her wrist and wondered what it would feel like to trace over her scar with the shard.

As he walked back from the utility closet, Ryan saw Annie and for brief second, he felt he had a window into her thoughts, he saw her hold that piece of broken glass within inches of her wrist, but before the words came out of his mouth, Sabine's cries came over the monitor and pierced the room. Annie dropped the glass and looked up to see Ryan. Sabine brought her to her senses, she was the reason she was there, Annie had to get it together for her. "I'll go to her, don't worry about this mess, I'll clean it up afterwards."

He nodded as he watched her go off towards Sabine's room. When she was inside the room, he went to work cleaning up the broken glass. He did as thorough a job as he could and then he went out to the side of the house where the trash cans were kept. He threw away the glass in the recycling bin and when the bin's lid came crashing back down, he kicked the bin a half a dozen times out of frustration, helplessness and anger.


	76. Chapter 76: Sleepless Nights

Note: Thanks for staying with me. I merged two chapters. Please review. I always appreciate reading them!

Jim has been spending long hours at the office and he grows more resentful by the day. It's reminiscent of the weeks after Annie disappeared and Jim fears that his friend is going down a similar path that will only lead back to drinking and unhealthy obsessions. Ryan's absence means much of his regular face time duties have fallen on Jim. Ryan had been less than willing to talk to him about anything but McQuaid Securities business, so Jim stopped by Ryan's on the way home to deliver some time sensitive documents and contracts for Ryan to sign.

Ryan's phone buzzed as he walked back in from throwing away the broken glass. He learned that Jim was approaching the front door.

"Yeah, let him through," replied Ryan to his security detail. He didn't want to deal with Jim or his complaints and criticisms, but he did need to sign some contracts so he met him at the door to avoid the doorbell ringing. He didn't want the doorbell to wake Sabine and he didn't want Jim to see Annie. He wanted to protect her from his friend's animosity.

"Hey Man," said Jim as he handed Ryan the papers he brought by.

"It's pretty late to be coming by, you could have had a courier bring these over earlier," said Ryan as he took the leather portfolio from Jim.

"Well, I'm working late, filling in for you while you playhouse," said Jim with a smirk.

Ryan looked up at him and simply said, "It's been a nice change of pace for me Jim."

"You're buying her fucked up in the head act and pretending the last few months didn't happen?"

Ryan ignored his friend as he quickly perused the contracts and signed them. He was already on edge and Jim's attitude towards Annie wasn't helping the situation.

"I've asked you to lay off. I mean it Jim," said Ryan firmly.

"Have you asked her about the last eight months? I mean you're not curious about how she managed to leave the country undetected? Who helped her? How did she fund her humanitarian pursuits? There's more than meets the eye my friend. I want to look out for you because your head isn't clear when it comes to Walker."

"She's only been back a couple of days. She needs time to settle in and recover. We're taking it slowly. Satisfied?"

"So what have you been doing all day if you're not asking questions? Really?" A man like Jim doesn't understand what it takes to care for an infant.

"If you really must know, we took Sabine to the pediatrician, then the baby and I came home, she had a nap, we went for a run with Ruby, and then Annie came home with dinner."

"She was out on her own? Did you have her followed?"

Ryan can't believe what Jim suggested. "No, why would I do that?"

"Look boss, you're so ecstatic to get her back that your judgment's clouded. You can't trust her," said Jim.

"How long was she gone?" Jim's wheels were turning. Why would Annie need to be on her own, what was she up to?

Just as Ryan was about to lose his patience Annie emerged from Sabine's room and closed the door behind her.

Ryan gave Jim a look that could cut through him, Jim understood that the conversation was over, but he was determined to keep asking his questions. Jim was stubborn and once on a roll he couldn't control himself.

Annie arrived on the scene and saw Jim in the front entry. She immediately sensed that something was going on.

"Hello Jim." Annie said cordially to the man who had last shown open hostility towards her. She continued looking at Ryan, trying to read his face, "I didn't know we had company."

Jim studied Annie and nodded at her greeting. She still looked much slighter and frailer than he remembered her.

"Jim came by to get some signatures, that's all, Sabine back to sleep?" said Ryan.

Annie nodded. "Why are you two standing here by the door? Come on in, can I get you something to drink Jim?"

"Looks like you've made yourself at home again. You plan on sticking around or are you going to leave when things get tough."

Ryan is pissed off. "You're a guest in our home Jim, if you want to continue to come by, you need to watch yourself."

"No drink for me, I best be on my way," said Jim who knew when to stop. He knew Ryan's tipping point and he wasn't going to cross it that night.

Ryan walked him out. "Don't come here again if you're going to harass her. Send a courier if you can't control yourself," he said through gritted teeth.

"You're like one of my brothers Ryan, in fact, you know more about me and we've been through more together than my real brothers do, so I'm sorry if I don't want to scrape you off the floor again. I don't trust her and you shouldn't trust her so easily either."

As Jim left and walked to his car, he decided that if Ryan won't have Annie watched and followed, he would.

/ /

Ryan found Annie in the living room inspecting the area where the vase shattered. She wiped down the coffee table and folded the throw blanket.

"I wish you left it for me to clean up. It was my fault afterall."

"You had your hands full with Sabine, um. . . I'm sorry about Jim."

Annie shook her head. "It's okay, I'll replace the vase the next time I'm out. Can you tell me where you got it?"

"Forget about the vase Annie," said Ryan as he reached for her hand.

Annie was hoping to avoid what she knew was coming.

"Let's talk about what happened."

"There's nothing to say," said Annie.

"I need more than that Annie. Something made you lunge at me and set you off, what were you afraid of?"

"Remember when I said you had a limit on the questions? Ryan I came back, it's hard for me to be back here, if I'm to start over, I don't want to dredge up the past."

"The past is an important part of our future. I know you went through some painful experiences, you can tell me about them. . ." Annie remained quiet. "Did you think I was going to hurt you?"

Annie sighed and looked down. She didn't know how she was going to keep him from pushing her, but she needed to satisfy him somehow.

"Like I told you, I got startled, you can't just sneak up on me like that when I'm asleep."

"I wasn't sneaking up on you. Who did you think I was?" asked Ryan softly.

After a while, he asked again, "Talk to me, I want you to tell me. . ."

"I don't know, one of the guards," she finally said.

"Back in Germany at those debriefs when you described . . . you know. . ." Ryan was uncomfortable and Annie saw how he struggled to get the words out. It was killing her on the inside to see him in turmoil over what he imagined happened.

He took a deep breath and spit it out, "It wasn't an act was it? What you described about how the man touched you, it was all the truth wasn't it?"

Annie just shook her head and then buried herself into her hands as Ryan sat by her. He tried to contain his anger and focus on her needs.

"Fucking sons of bitches, I'm so sorry that after everything, you had to go through that."

"Did they. . ." he still couldn't quite spit out his words.

As much as the conversation pained her, she wanted it to end so she replied. "They didn't rape me. . .but I was afraid Ryan, I was so afraid that they would hurt me," with that last statement she broke down further. Her tears turned into sobs. It was all real, all the raw emotions and there was truth to everything she was saying and despite how immensely difficult it was for her to do, she hoped this would end all of Ryan's speculations. She could see the relief wash over his face when she said she wasn't raped in Mali and that was confirmation enough that he wouldn't be able to handle the truth. The fluttering in her stomach grew and she felt suddenly nauseous after uttering the ugly word: rape.

"Shh, shh, I'm so sorry Annie, I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner, but you're here and safe now. They can't hurt you here. No one is going to hurt you, I won't let anything happen to you."

He swept her up from the couch and carried her to their room as she continued to cry into his chest. Ryan lay down next to her as Annie turned away and started to calm down. "I've answered your questions, can we move on from this? I want to focus on Sabine and getting strong again. I can't keep reliving what happened in Africa."

"Of course, but I'm glad to know the truth, I'm glad you opened up to me," he whispered as he rubbed her back. "I'm here for you. I'm always here for you."

It was far from the whole truth, but Annie was satisfied, this would surely be the end of his questions. She turned to face him. He wiped away her tears and kissed her nose and lips, but he stopped there and simply put his arm under her so that she rested her head against him. She was grateful really, she looked up into his kind eyes and the old Annie would have made love to him, but after their conversation and the day she had, she couldn't. She simply closed her eyes and let the exhaustion take over her body.

/ /

For the rest of the week Annie and Sabine settled in and got Sabine back on a routine. She also tried to do some training work with Ruby, but mostly Annie and the excitable pup played fetch and tug of war. The baby took three naps, one shortly after she woke up which gave Annie time to read while running on the tread mill or exercising on the stationery bike and then shower. After that Sabine was up for a couple of hours before eating and sleeping again around noon. That gave Annie time to eat lunch and do things around the house. Then Sabine was up again and if Ryan wasn't working they would all take a stroll with Ruby in tow until around four o'clock in the afternoon when Sabine took her last nap.

They tried to video chat with Bobby, but often the connection was choppy. Ryan and Annie seemed to have gotten Sabine on a workable schedule, she was such a happy and calm baby. She woke up once around 11p.m.-midnight and then again around four in the morning.

Ryan often took the first waking as he was often still awake and working until around midnight. Annie tried to fall asleep around 0900, by then she was usually exhausted. She'd almost always find a couple of hours of sleep before waking when Ryan crawled into bed. He snuggled up next to her and she remained frozen, trying to pretend to be asleep when he came in and turned off the lights. She would cling onto the sliver of light that came in from his large windows. Once he slept, she would leave. She fought insomnia many nights and could no longer fall asleep unless there was light. She always had a hard time falling back asleep after Ryan came in and often lay by the night light in Sabine's room until she woke around 0400 to eat.

Ryan noticed that Annie was hardly ever in bed when he woke up in the morning. He would find her in Sabine's room sleeping on the rug with a throw blanket over her small frame. He never woke her up, afraid that she'd react violently as she had that night she broke the vase. There was plenty of room so he ordered a chaise lounge that doubled as a twin bed for her. When it arrived and he had it put in the baby's room. Ryan never mentioned anything about her sleeping in Sabine's room except once to say it couldn't be all that comfortable or warm on the floor. It was just his way to silently notice things and then surprise her with his thoughtfulness.

During her times when she managed to find slumber it was often restless and nightmares continued to plague her. It was worse than she experienced in the months after she left D.C. She doesn't always remember what she dreamt, only waking up in a sweat or shaking knowing it was not a good place she landed in her sleep. Ryan had observed Annie and had often been woken up from her nightmares. Sometimes she wakes up in a sweat, having soaked her tank top and he finds her in the shower stall.

Despite the lack of adequate sleep, Sabine was her salvation. All her burdens were gone when she was caring for Sabine. The sweet baby made her happy and her daylight hours were filled with laughter and joy. Caring for Sabine kept her sane, stable, and normal. Annie usually woke up refreshed despite the few hours of sleep she had.

/ /

A few nights later, a shrill scream woke Ryan up. It came through the monitor and definitely wasn't Sabine. Ryan sprung up and grabbed his gun, he ran towards the sound of the screams thinking Annie was in some kind of trouble. When he found her, she was shaking in a corner of the baby's room all wet from sweating. The guards both had come into the house by then and when they saw that there was no intruder or danger, Ryan nodded to them and they retreated back to their posts.

Annie wasn't there. He held her stiff body and as he spoke softly to her, telling her that she was safe, she slowly regulated her breathing and relaxed her body into him. He carried her back to bed where she cried into the pillow as he spooned her tightly whispering reassurances to her. It was hard for him to see her like that, he thought he knew the contents of her nightmares and he said, "You're okay, they can't hurt you, they didn't hurt you."

Annie regained her strength and put on more weight, she began engaging in more rigorous exercise. She thought a byproduct of getting back in shape would be making herself exhausted enough to get a good night's rest. She didn't want to resort to the sleeping pills she had. She had already woken up in a sweat a couple of times and gone into the shower to wash away the nightmares and images and sounds of Kravec 's voice that still plagued her. She listened to soothing music on her runs, using only one earbud, the other ear was constantly listening for threats.

"You know you really need to take it easy Walker," said Ryan as he saw Annie return with Ruby and Sabine in the jogging stroller one morning.

"I'm used to being busy you know."

"So another day and you start your therapy sessions."

"Don't remind me,"

"So I'll drive you and wait with Sabine."

"Don't you have to get back to work?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I've been working."

"I know, but at the office?"

"I don't have to go in all day."

"I asked and I can bring her to the sessions and she's ok."

"Joan offered her nanny too, but I don't want to leave her with a stranger,"

"I'm fine walking around with Sabine for an hour while you have your sessions. What do you want to do this fine Sunday?"

"I was thinking we could take Sabine to church."

"Church?"

"Yes, church,"

"I'm glad to go, just surprised."

"I'll go get dressed," said Annie.

Ryan sipped his coffee and looked at Sabine who was in her swing. He was happy in that moment. He had Annie back and he said a prayer of thanksgiving to his Lord and St. Anthony for bringing her back to him.

/ /

The newly formed family went to Sunday services, it was oddly comforting to be there. After service they had brunch and then Ryan stopped at a tree farm surprising Annie. They picked out a tree to decorate. Ryan was happy, his life seemed to come full circle again. He had Annie back and she seemed to be recovering from her ordeal. His heart was filled with gratitude as they decorated the house together.

The afternoon went by quickly and it was time to put Sabine down for her last nap. Annie carried Sabine to her room while Ryan finished the last of the decorations. He turned on monitor and listened to Annie singing a lullaby to Sabine. She finished and said, "I don't know if I can make your Uncle Ryan happy." At that point, Ryan was outside the room, he walked to them and said, "You do make me happy. You have no idea Walker, when I saw your face on that screen, confirmation that you were alive, I felt like I won the lottery. And when I finally saw you in person, I saw us together again, it was a dream come true. Stop being a pessimist."

She smiled and he wrapped his arms around his pretty ladies before Annie put Sabine down in her crib. It did seem like a dream and she was happy in that moment, but there was a nagging sense that it wouldn't last for long. She couldn't shake it.


	77. Chapter 77: New Normal?

Note: Again sorry for the long delay. The kids are I are abroad for the next few weeks and we just settled. The last month has been hectic and filled with turmoil, but things are settling for a bit. Please review!

Annie checked her phone after leaving Sabine's room, she saw another missed call from Auggie and one from Joan. The only voicemail left was from Joan. She listened to it:

_Annie! We missed you at brunch yesterday. Rosemary was really looking forward to seeing you and we both wanted you to meet the other women in our group. Next month, you'll join our gathering if I have to pick you up and drag you. Speaking of dragging you, I know you won't miss your first therapy appointment tomorrow. I'll check-in later this week. _

Annie put her phone down. She did forget about brunch, but she was glad she did. She slept in a bit on Saturday after her restless night of sleep, but she was intrigued about Joan and Rosemary and their little group of former covert operatives, it seemed so unlike the Joan she knew to be part of a group that blabs and tries to be normal suburban working women. Would she ever fit in with them, would she ever fit in anywhere? She didn't feel herself, she couldn't remember the last time she did, the last year changed her more than her entire tenure at the Agency.

Annie wasn't one to lay blame, she made her choices, and she chose the CIA. The Agency changed her, actually her trip to Sri Lanka changed her and launched her on a trajectory for her life that she never imagined in her early twenties. If she allowed herself to tumble back in time, all the events that followed Ben Mercer changed her. She always had to pretend and hide her real feelings and she was great at it as a teenager and even better as a young adult. She wasn't even sure who she really was anymore, she had blurred the lines too much and so often in her work for the CIA. Now her lies and pretending weren't for work, they were for self-preservation and protection. She wanted to protect Ryan because she knew what the truth would do to him _and_ to them. She didn't know what future they had, Ryan had dual effect on her, he was both a reminder of happy and hopeful times and the darkest and most painful times, but for the moment she was there and so was he. . .

Ryan was the last man she loved and she felt quite certain that she would not and could not be with another man after him. She didn't want to cause him any more pain than she already had even though deep down she knew what he wanted from her. . . he wanted a truth she couldn't give him. He wanted to know what was on the mind and in her heart, but she couldn't reveal her darkest secrets. She didn't even allow herself to go there, she tried to keep it tightly wrapped up, it was the only way she knew to protect herself. . . to survive and get through each day. In her worst moments, the small whisper inside her would become audible, asking her what the point of living was. It took everything for her to quiet down that voice, Sabine gave her the strength to go on.

Annie snapped out of it and while Sabine napped, she decided it was time to de-clutter her wardrobe. She began to hear the voice inside her head asking why she was still walking the earth. She needed to do something . . . to stay busy so her mind wouldn't wander. She walked into the spacious closet and started to go through her clothes one by one. Slowly the pile of her old clothes in the donation pile grew.

"That dress is one of favorites, you wore it a lot at the beach," said a nostalgic Ryan who had walked into the room looking for Annie. His habit of walking around the house barefoot meant his approach was quiet causing Annie to startle at the sound of his voice. Her heart was racing when she turned around to see him leaning against the frame of the closet door smiling. When he realized that she was surprised by his presence, he said, "I'm sorry, I should make a little more noise now that I'm not here alone."

"You surprised me, that's all and don't you dare make any noise on purpose! You'll wake Sabine."

He smiled, loving that this was his life. Annie was there and Sabine. What could have been was now reality and he was thankful everyday since Annie returned home to D.C. with Sabine.

He walked closer to her and picked up the dress from the pile on the floor. He held it up against Annie, remembering the silhouette of her in the very same dress walking towards him on the beach. . . he said, "One of my favorite memories is the image of you in this dress walking towards me with the shells you found on the beach. Do you remember that day?"

She did, but she lied, "No, can't say I do." She wasn't sure why she did that. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to fully encourage him either. It made no sense, she couldn't make sense of herself, how could anyone else.

"That's okay, it's vivid enough in my mind. . .so what are you doing here?" asked Ryan puzzled by the floor full of Annie's clothing.

Annie kept working on getting through the clothes she had left behind as he talked. . . The beach, she did have fond memories of being there with Ryan, she didn't want to admit it, but they were happily celebrating post Annie's recovery from heart surgery as the reality of having a baby set in. There they talked for hours about the baby and the dreams they had for their life together. They debated names, wondered what he would look like and who he would take after, and mostly they were happy and filled with joyful anticipation. It seemed like ages ago.

Ryan started to hang up the dress in his hands.

"I can't wear those, they're going to Good Will."

Annie took the dress from Ryan and tossed it back in the donation box.

Ryan picked it up again and asked, "Why?"

"It's backless Ryan, I can't wear it anymore." Then he understood and remained quiet for a moment taking in what Annie revealed.

After a bit of time, he said, "Let's go shopping then."

"Shopping lost its appeal. I used to love shopping with my sister we'd spend hours browsing, trying on ridiculous outfits, talking and laughing. Shop til you drop, we did that. . . " there was nostalgia in her voice and longing. He knew she wanted to see her sister before she was taken by Kravec. "We can contact Danielle, anytime."

Annie shook her head and looked down. "Too much has happened, too much time has passed and I don't know what I could say to make things right again."

"You didn't have to say much beyond hello to me to make things right."

She looked up at him frustrated, she just wanted to be left alone, "Are things right between us?"

Ryan had to admit to himself that things weren't back to way they were, but it didn't matter to him. She was back, she was lost to him for so long, but he never really gave up and he was thankful that his prayers were answered. He expected that things would take time, he knew Annie was still grieving and filled with guilt over the loss of the baby, but he figured time would heal her wounds and their relationship.

He changed the subject, "You need a dress for McQuaid Security's Annual Christmas Bash and few more things to get through winter don't you?"

"I'm not up for a party Ryan and I don't want to leave Sabine for an entire evening."

"Don't go for me then, go for yourself, show the world Annie Walker's back. Auggie and Joan will be there and other people who care about you. I think you deserve a little fun."

"For what?"

"Sorry?" responded Ryan.

"Why does the world need Annie Walker back? I'm not even sure the world missed her."

"I did, I missed you," he said as he looked into her eyes with certainty and a bit exasperation. He needed her to know. "Every minute of every hour at first, then a few times a day, it got worse before it got better, but there wasn't a day that you were gone that I didn't miss you and wonder where you were, what you were doing, who you were with. . ."

She stepped closer to him and touched his bearded face for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I'd like to keep a low profile, that's all."

Ryan nodded, but looked down. He was disappointed, it took a lot of his will power to be patient when he wanted to push and get her to share more of her feelings. Any feelings. He'd take anger too She was always good at making conversation and being witty, but talking and sharing her feelings wasn't ever easy for her. He knew that, she used to joke in that time _before_ Kravec took her that he was the more evolved one, the emotionally intelligent one and she was "the guy" in their relationship. The memory made him smile and gave him hope. He would get the old Annie back after she settled in and after she truly dealt with her grief and the trauma of the kidnapping. He was still trying to figure out what he was to her now that she was back, she still kept her distance emotionally. She had kept herself sequestered from her old friends and co-workers since her return. He didn't want to push things, but he wondered how long she was going to keep avoiding people, most of all, how long would she avoid talking to him like she did in the weeks before she was taken.

"I'll think about it okay?" said Annie and she returned to going over her wardrobe.

"Do you have any old boxes around? I think I'm going to need a couple."

"There are some in the supply closet in my office."

"I'll go get some then."

When she left, Ryan picked up the dress and a few other items he remembered fondly and carefully folded them and placed them in one of his unused drawers. The memory of Annie walking along the beach as he looked out the window of his beach house was fresh in his mind.

/ /

/ /

When Annie reached Ryan's office, she looked around. She hadn't spent any time there since she returned to the States and into the home she shared with him for a few weeks. He worked there and she spent most of her time in Sabine's room, reading in the sun room or exercising. She looked on his desk and saw a picture of herself, it was a side profile, she was starring out into the ocean. She ran her fingers along his desk and walked towards his bookshelf. She always loved to read and Ryan had shelves of books around the house.

The bookshelf next to the supply closet contained a shelf full of books on grief, coping with miscarriages and the loss of a child. Annie didn't have the time or desire to read any books on her loss, she was never into self-help, preferring instead poetry and classic novels and literature. There must have been ten books. She saw little tabs on some of the books. She touched the spines as she read some more titles reluctant to pull them off the shelf, afraid of what reading them would unleash. Did Ryan really read all of the books lining the shelf? She was processing the titles and finally pulled a book off the shelf and took a deep breath before turning to the page Ryan must have tabbed.

A brief glance at the middle of the page stirred up feelings she didn't want. Annie shut the book and put it back on the shelf hastily. She had forgotten why she was in Ryan's office as tears began to well up. Meanwhile Ryan had started to walk towards his office, thinking Annie was having trouble finding the boxes. She ran into him as she ran down the hall.

"Whoa, what's the hurry?" said Ryan as he put his hands on her shoulders after Annie collided into him. She didn't say a word while she shook his hands off of her and continued on towards the bedroom. Ryan went after her unsure of what upset her. Annie dried her tears and took a few deep breaths before emerging from the master bedroom composed. When Ryan asked what happened, she simply said she was fine and went back to decluttering her wardrobe.

Ryan went to his office and brought back the boxes that he noticed she had forgotten to bring back.


	78. Chapter 78: Reunion with Auggie

In the next week Annie began her therapy sessions where she went through the motions of answering questions and pretending to talk through her life's history. When the therapist tried to steer the conversation to the events that led to her "break down" as the therapist like to refer to, Annie built up her walls even higher. She found ways to shift the direction, controlling the situation. She thought she was pretty clever, but the therapist let her, always noting her efforts at deflection when writing her post-session notes.

Ryan dropped Annie off and strolled around the city with Sabine while waiting for Annie. That first week, it was a relief to Annie to see Ryan and baby Sabine waiting for her after her sessions. Their lives appeared to be settling into a routine. It was her last session of the week and Annie looked forward to a quiet weekend at home, but when she reaced the lobby, it wasn't Ryan waiting for her, but Auggie. He felt his watch, it was a minute after Annie's session ended, the timing and the cadence of her walk told him the woman coming down the stairs was his friend and one time lover Annie Walker. He stood up, turned around and in his booming voice, said, "This is how I have to track down Annie Walker?"

She was surprised to see him and laughed at his witty self-introduction. "Auggie! What are you doing here?"

"I called McQuaid and he told me where you'd be, how else was I supposed to see you? You don't return my calls," said Auggie.

Annie looked down, he couldn't see her face or expression, but he could feel it.

"I'm sorry, I wanted some time to settle in and my primary focus has been making sure Sabine is well taken care of."

"She appears to be, but what about you?"

"You saw her?"

"Not saw, more like heard and felt, yes."

"I'm sorry, I . . ." she felt out of practice talking to Auggie and being around him. They once had such a seamless rapport. Now the air between them was awkward and filled with hesitation.

"No, no, I know what you meant, let's get back to you. How are you Walker?"

"One day at a time," sighed Annie.

Auggie smiled and nodded. It seemed that was about all he was going to get out of his old friend for the time being.

"Want to grab a coffee? Three's a place around the corner where Ryan said he'd meet up with us in about an hour."

"Where is he?" asked Annie.

"He said something about needing to go into the office," replied Auggie as they walked to the coffee shop.

"So. . .tell me what you've been up to," said Annie who took in their surroundings. She noted the people ahead of them and behind as well as across the street. She kept her face shielded from the security and street cams she spotted. It was a habit that started out as a game to test her skills, but it soon became ingrained in her. She had kept her movements limited since she returned stateside, preferring to stay home and for the most part Ryan was usually with her when she left the house, giving her some sense of security. The small firearm she had tucked in her purse gave her some added reassurance that she could take care of herself if the need arose.

Sensing her jittery and nervous energy Auggie spoke up, "I feel like the threat level is reaching orange. Am I missing something? I mean I know I miss a lot, but. . ."

"Just trying to stay alert is all."

"Why?" asked Auggie with a look of concern. He continued, "This is one of the safest hoods in all of D.C."

"It's silly, I know."

"It's not silly if there's something to it. Talk to me Walker, what's going on?"

"I don't know. . . ever since . . ." Annie sighed and let out a sound of frustration. She had a hard time getting it out, but he waited. He didn't interrupt. They reached the café where Annie quickly scanned the environment. Then she led him to a seat with a view of the entrance and the street. "Here have a seat and I'll get our drinks." Annie led Auggie to the seat facing the back of the café.

"Maybe I should take to a place that serves stronger stuff, might help you things off your chest."

She laughed and it sounded good to him. He hadn't heard her laugh in ages, yet it wasn't the same carefree and light laugh he remembered.

"What they have here is strong enough for me, I stopped drinking while I was away."

"No kidding! No beers or Patron? What about that fancy red you used to like with your meat?"

"Not much alcohol in Mali and I had stopped before I left anyway."

"Oh, that's right," said Auggie remembering that she had been pregnant before her world changed.

"Auggie, I'm sorry about not calling."

"We're here now and it's good to see you."

The both chuckled.

"We can sit here forever before we actually get drinks so I'll go get them."

Auggie sat there waiting, he tried to figure out what he was sensing and how he could steer the conversation back to what Annie was starting to share with him before she shifted and they started talking about ordering their drinks.

Annie returned with their lattes a few minutes later.

"The macarons looked good, so I got some. There's a chocolate, pistachio, hazelnut and sea salt and caramel flavored one. You pick first."

"Annie," he said reaching his hand out to touch hers.

The warmth of his long and slender fingers on the back of her hand was comforting, he was always a comfort to her in times of need. She smiled as she looked into his eyes. She could see the mixture of concern and hurt in them.

"You and I, we've been through the ringer as individuals and when were together too, but despite everything, I hope you know you can always, always count on me," said Auggie.

"I know," whispered Annie in response.

He sighed and folded his fingers over hers giving them a squeeze. He debated whether to say what he was about to say, but he had to clear the air. "Then why didn't you ask me for help or tell me your plans? I know things got rocky between us, but would have done whatever you asked."

He couldn't see the tears rolling down her eyes, but he knew she had just used her free hand to wipe away tears.

"Aw Annie, don't do that. Just don't go disappearing without saying good-bye again okay?"

She sniffled, but didn't respond. Her hand was still in his. He squeezed her fingers again. "What's going on, you got back after nearly a year away and I don't so much as get a phone call back? You've been avoiding me."

Annie brought her hand back and crossed her arms on the table. The space between them grew. She could hear a hint of anger through Auggie's hurt feelings. She deserved it, but she didn't want to deal with it.

"Annie, I didn't mean for it to come out like that, I just want you to be open with me. You started to tell me as we got here about why you're so high strung that 'ever since'. . . ever since what?"

"I don't remember. Drink your latte before it gets cold. I sprinkled the nutmeg and cinnamon on top."

"So this is the way it's going to be?"

"Auggie, I don't know what you want from me. I'm glad to see you and I'm sorry I hurt you, truly I am, but. . .I had my reasons and that has to be good enough."

Right then Ryan walked into the café wearing Sabine on his chest. She was in a carrier. Annie had been too distracted by the difficult conversation that she didn't notice someone approaching the door of the establishment. When Annie saw him, she felt relieved. She waved over to him and called his name. But he already knew where she was sitting. He had spent the last five minutes watching them as he got Sabine out of the car from across the street where he had parked. He saw that Auggie was stroking Annie's hand and that she kept her hand there for longer than he liked. As he got Sabine out of the carseat and into the carrier, he continued to look up periodically and then he saw that she had her arms crossed and it looked as if she had been crying, so he hurried his movements. Hoping to get closer, he hadn't felt jealous since Annie was with Eyal those days when she had discovered he had cameras and listening devices at her apartment.

"Hi there," she said as he approached and gave her a kiss. It was strange to show affection towards Ryan in front of Auggie. "You found us." Said Auggie. "I did." Responded Ryan. "How was your reunion?"

"It was nice. Thanks for arranging it," said Annie reaching for the buckle behind Ryan so she could take Sabine from him. "No, I've got her, you two need more time? I can grab a coffee and sit over there."

"No, we're good. I'd like to hold her since it's been a bit. I missed you sweet girl," cooked Annie. Both men noted the change in Annie with Sabine's presence.

Ryan smiled and removed Sabine from the carrier and handed her over as she cooed and looked at the lights on the ceiling.

"Did she nap?"

"Just under an hour, I think we're in for a some hurt tonight."

Annie laughed. "It's okay, I don't sleep much anyway."


	79. Chapter 79: A Small Calm

NOTE: I don't own any of these characters. They belong to CA/USA. I wasn't happy with the chapter and the level of detail, so I revised it. Thanks for reviewing.

Shortly after Ryan arrived at the café, it became apparent that Sabine needed a diaper change. The trio laughed out loud when they hear the noise that came from the little body. "I hope it's not a blow out," said Annie. "It wouldn't be her first," said Ryan. Annie went to tend to Sabine leaving Ryan and Auggie alone at the table.

Once Annie was out of earshot, Ryan asked, "How'd it go?"

"Not the Annie I once knew, she seemed on edge, like she's expecting something, waiting and watching, that's the vibe I got."

"Sounds about right given what she's been through. I'm doing everything I can to help her feel safe. . ." replied Ryan.

"I don't think there's anything you or I could do to make her feel safe, it has to come from within her," Auggie said.

Auggie thought Annie sounded much more like herself and more relaxed after Ryan and Sabine arrived. She no longer seemed hyper-vigilant.

Knowing that Annie and Auggie were once very close, bothered Ryan a little, but he also valued Auggie's friendship and insights while Annie was gone. "You're probably right about that brother," said Ryan.

Auggie paused to take a sip of his coffee.

"I see the affect the baby has on her though, she seemed more herself after you arrived."

Ryan smiled, but knowing that there was more on Auggie's mind asked, "Something else bothering you?"

Auggie sat and thought. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt Annie was hiding something. As her handler for a number of years, he always felt strongly in tune with her.

"I've been wrong about Annie a lot in the recent past, but I think she's hiding something."

"What would she be hiding? She's back, we got her back, what's left to hide?"

"She's been through a lot, maybe that's just it, she's trying to make her way back and needs time. . ."

"I'm hoping time heals all, there's a lot of grief and guilt in the way still, but she's back and we'll take it one day at a time," said Ryan.

"Yeah, thanks for helping with this meet-up. I needed to see her."

"Try and see if you can convince her to attend the McQuaid Securities Holiday party. It will be good for her to get out more."

"It's not like I have any influence over her man, but I'll try."

"The two of you are still close," said Ryan. It wasn't easy for him to admit it, but Annie needed more people in her life and he wanted her to reconnect with her past as a way to help her and a way to keep her in the present. He prayed and hoped that the more connected she felt the more reason she would have to stay.

/ /

Meanwhile, Annie talked Sabine through the diaper change. A sudden noise that came from a group of teenaged girls entering the restroom startled Annie who quickly scooped up Sabine before she was fully dressed. Annie's heart was racing, but Sabine's smiles comforted her. Annie quickly finished changing Sabine, gathered up her things and washed her hands at the sink. She told herself she needed to relax, she took a deep breath and headed back out to the table.

/ /

For the next week, Annie continues with the routine she and Ryan have settled into with Sabine and Ruby. They share quiet moments together making dinner or reading when Sabine naps and take runs together when Ryan isn't occupied with his work. Annie continues with her therapy and although she still keeps the therapist at arm's length and hasn't revealed anything new or earth-shattering, the therapist's questions have helped Annie. Annie does reveal a few truths about her nightmares and issues that have come adjusting to life back in the States.

While things appear calm at home, Annie's slumber continues to be restless and often sleep doesn't find her. He notices that Annie isn't next to him and gets up to investigate. As he left Sabine's room where he went to check for Annie, he thought he heard voices and turned towards the kitchen. Annie heard a door open and close through the baby monitor and quickly finished her call. She stashed the phone in a drawer nearby and went to grab some ice cream. When Ryan found Annie in the kitchen, she acted startled.

"Sorry to sneak up on you, were you talking to someone?" asked Ryan, curious about the voices he heard.

Annie never lost her ability to pretend and act a part. She laughed and smiled her wide smile giving Ryan a quizzical look that made him feel like he was the crazy one. "Just trying to talk myself out of ice cream at this hour."

"Since when does Annie Walker talk herself out of ice cream?"

Annie looked at Ryan intensely and thought to herself, there was part of her that this man in front of her really understood and knew. She wished that was all of her, she loved him and knew he loved her as she watched him head to the silverware drawer for spoons.

Ryan met her at the stools to the kitchen island where they began to eat ice cream straight from the carton. There was a comfortable silence between them for a few moments as Ruby looked on, hopeful for a spoon of ice cream.

Annie felt at ease and broke the silence after a spoonful of sea salt and caramel ice cream, "I used to come back from missions or working late and see Danielle in kitchen cleaning up or getting the breakfast table set for the next day and we'd share ice cream out of container. . . I'd speak in metaphors about my work at the agency. Even after she knew, I couldn't tell her anything. I kept talking in a code that only I really knew, but she always seemed to say the right thing and that kept me going."

"I like this."

"What?"

"You talking to me like this, sharing what's on your mind and in your heart."

"I talk to you all the time," laughed Annie even though she understood what he meant.

"I hope that I can be the one to keep you going at least in the absence of your sister," said Ryan.

For his part, he thought to himself, we chit chat and make polite conversation, we share about what Sabine's done or her sleeping, eating and pooping, but I never really know what's going on inside her.

"I'm know I'm not your sister, but I hope I am your. . .your partner. We've been through a lot together, a lot I know we still need to work through, but I want you to know, you can always talk to me."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" asked Annie pointedly catching Ryan off guard.

Their shoulders were touching, he turned his head to look at her and asked what had been on his mind, "What are your nightmares about?" She had opened the door, but instantly regretted it.

After another pause for a spoon of ice cream, Annie replied, "I don't really remember a whole lot when I wake up. . .I'm sorry to disturb your sleep."

"I'm good on the sleep, I'm a SEAL remember, I've slept chin deep in water on more than one mission."

Annie smiled, "Tell me about that! I haven't heard any of those stories yet."

Ryan continued, he didn't want her to change the subject or divert attention from herself. He knew some of her tricks. So he pushed, "Sometimes you're screaming. . . sometimes you're trembling and kicking. . . once I heard you cry, 'Don't leave me,'"

Annie knew exactly the nightmare scene Ryan mentioned where she said, "Don't leave me."

"I hope you know that I'll never leave you," said Ryan after spooning some ice cream into his mouth.

Annie put her head on his shoulders as a tear escaped from her. She thought to herself, that nightmare wasn't about you. The recurrent nightmare was about a boy about five or six years old. They would be in varied venues, but the nightmare would be the same. Someone the boy let go of Annie's hand causing them to become separated. No matter how hard Annie tried to get him back, to move closer to him, the distance between them grew. There was nothing she could do to hold on to him.

The carton was emptied with Ryan's last spoonful which he offered to Annie as her head still rested on him. She managed to wipe away her tears, the familiarity and comforts of having ice cream with Ryan temporarily caused her to forget her painful traumas. Ryan put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "Has the therapy helped?"

She looked up into his soft and warm eyes, she felt safe with him, but she could only continue on if he didn't know any more. "The ice cream was yummy, thanks for talking me into it." He leaned down and kissed her lips, he could still taste the saltiness of the sea salt from the ice cream and when her mouth opened to receive him, he was surprised. It was the first night in many that they had shared such an intimate moment. As he continued to kiss her he could taste the sweetness of the last spoon of ice cream she had still in her mouth.

Each time they had made love since Annie returned had been bittersweet and had taken a toll on Annie's psyche. She loved him and wanted to be present with him. But the violence inflicted on her by Kravec managed to creep in even during her most affectionate moments with Ryan, a man who despite his bravado and aggressive approach to work and missions was always gentle and tender with her body. This time was no different despite her best efforts to focus on the present. She stiffened a bit when his hand found its way under her shirt and gently caressed her back. She was aware that his fingertips must feel the bumps of her scars as he pressed her towards him.

"Are you okay?" he whispered in her ear as his lips brushed her lobes. "We should throw away the carton and wash the spoons," she whispered back unable to stem her body's natural response to Ryan's caresses. "It will all still be here in the morning," he said as he stepped off the stool and lifted the oversized shirt over her. Still seated in the stool she wrapped her legs around him as he played with her hair and kissed her from the top of her head down to her lips as he gently touched her body. She wrapped her legs around him and he swiftly lifted her out of the stool as they kissed all the way to the bedroom. After they made love Annie fell asleep and stayed asleep for the rest of the night. It was the first time she didn't find her mind overtaken by images of Kravec. She allowed herself to enjoy Ryan and didn't wind up washing him off in a hot shower as she had done so before.


	80. Chapter 80: The Approaching Storm

Note: Things are heating up. The truth is not far behind.

Annie woke up the next morning amazingly refreshed. She couldn't recall the last time she slept through the night. She didn't even hear Sabine for her usual midnight feeding. Ryan must have taken care Sabine because when Annie looked over at the clock it was already seven o'clock. She realized she slept through Sabine's early morning feeding and diaper change.

Annie quickly found her robe at the foot of the bed and put it on before going out into the kitchen where she heard Ryan on the phone while holding Sabine. Her mind was on the burner phone she stashed in a rarely used drawer the night before. She reached out to take the baby and was met with a huge smile from Ryan who was already dressed. He quietly kissed her and continued with his call in his office.

Annie was happy to see a smiling and cooing baby. She saw that Ryan had made coffee, toast and eggs and began nibbling with Sabine in her lap. She went to retrieve her phone and saw that there was a missed call from a Private number that came through shortly after she hung up the night before. When Ryan returned from his call, she said, "I'm so sorry I slept through Sabine's feeding. You must be so tired."

Ryan leaned in to kiss her and replied, "Not at all, she didn't wake up until nearly seven! I'm glad you slept in, you needed it."

Annie smiled. "I did, I feel great," said Annie. "You already went for a run?"

"No, I'm going to have to work. I have a few calls lined up and things to get in order before meeting some important big shots at the Holiday Party. I need to go into the office for a couple of hours too. Do you think you can take Sabine to your session today? I can have a man drive you." Annie was relieved that Ryan was going to be busy for some time, it meant she had the space to take care of a few things.

"Of course and there's no need, I didn't forget how to drive, is there anything I can help you with?" she asked.

"You can help me wine and dine clients at the party tomorrow night. . ."

To Ryan's surprise, Annie was caught in a moment of comfort and bliss, so she agreed. Ryan was thrilled beyond words that Annie would be his date. It meant a lot to him to have her support and to have her attend his company party signaled that she was making her way back to her old life.

/ /

When Ryan left for work, Annie went for a jog with Sabine. She dumped her burner cell in a trash can and made a pitstop at pay phone where she dialed Joan Campbell's private cell hoping to catch her before she went into the office. She had to pick up a new cell soon though she really didn't need to. When Joan picked up, Annie apologized for hanging up on her the night before.

"So what was it you needed to talk to me about besides making it to tea with you and Rosemary?"

"It's best if we meet in person Annie."

"Um, that makes it sound serious Joan."

"I can get out for lunch." There was no other commentary from her former boss to reveal what she wanted to talk to Annie about.

Knowing better than to probe further over the phone, Annie said, "How about Coastal Flats at Tysons?"

"Noon then," responded Joan as she pulled into her parking spot at work.

"See you in a bit," said Annie.

/ /

As Annie dressed and put on make-up for the event at Ryan's company, she had a hard time focusing, her mind was on what Joan revealed to her about Kravec and Ben's ongoing mission inside the maximum security facility where Kravec was being held. She put concealer on her face to hide the bags under her eyes. Though she slept well the other night, Kravec haunted her sleep the night before. She was able to take a short nap when Sabine slept earlier that day, but she was exhausted. It was too late for Annie to back out of the party. Ryan was elated that she was going and they had gotten a sitter for Sabine. Joan's nanny recommended her. Ryan vetted the sitter and had his guards on extra alert. Annie couldn't let Ryan down and she though the party would take her mind off of Kravec. After trying on many dresses, Annie finally settled on one that hid most of her scars. She had a shawl that covered what the dress still exposed.

When she emerged from the bathroom, Ryan was just about to finish tying his bowtie when he caught her reflection in the mirror. He stopped and starred at the gorgeous Annie Walker. "I was going to ask what was taking so long, but I see it was worth the wait, you look amazing!" He turned around and kissed her.

"Thank you," she said a bit shy at the compliment.

/ /

The handsome couple arrived at the holiday party that doubled as a client appreciation event McQuaid Security arranges twice a year.

Annie is not enjoying working the crowd and helping drum up business and keep clients happy along with and McQuaid. Her mind is simply elsewhere and wile Ryan senses it, he's too busy touching base with important contacts. A part of him is perturbed that Annie isn't more present. He knows she would rather be in the comforts of home with Sabine and tries to understand that she had a bad night. Annie finds Auggie in one corner and they spend a few minutes talking before he is pulled into a conversation about the latest cyber-security and cell phone monitoring technology that McQuaid Securities is developing.

Annie drained and done with pretending and being fake, it once came naturally to her, but she has no energy for it on that night. But she carries on because she feels she owes Ryan for everything he's done for her and for everything she's put him through. She winds up in a group with Dex and Fitz as they swap war stories with a few others including the new recruits who helped with her rescue in Cuba. The boys laugh and joke about their missions and then toast Annie. "For a chick who didn't serve in the Armed Forces, you're one brave soldier Walker!" said Fitz as he raised a shot of tequila. The group downed the shot and while Fitz called for more, Annie thanked the men and excused herself.

All the reminders of Kravec and Cuba are taking a toll on Annie. She headed for a quiet corner of the venue for a breather, but instead walks by a drawing room where a group of guests including McQuaid are smoking cigars. Her pallor changes suddenly, she can't breathe, McQuaid motions to her to join them, "If she can put down bourbon shots with bogies on her tail, I bet she can smoke a Cuban with us." Annie smiled weakly and said, "I just got a call from the sitter, I have to go call her back." She retreated, then began to run up the stairwell towards the rooftop terrace, the December air is frigid, but her hyperventilating intensified as she tried to breathe in the cold fresh air to expel the scent of cigars in her system.

Meanwhile, Jim saw Annie back away and run for the stairs after Ryan invited her over, he had been watching her the entire evening, suspicious of her from the second her face flashed across the video screen in McQuaid's office. Despite Ryan's orders that he leave Annie alone, Jim had her followed when she was alone. He had confronted her a few times about secrets he felt she was still keeping and painted a dreary picture of what she did to Ryan. He warned her about running out on Ryan again because he didn't trust her one bit. Jim followed Annie up the stairwell out of curiosity and suspicion. As he opened the door to the terrace, he saw Annie struggling, trying to catch her breath, then he saw her put her hand to her mouth as if she were about to vomit.

He ran instinctively to help her. Despite his distrust of her, he was concerned by what he saw and went to investigate. He followed her as she duck behind a structure on the roof and out of his sight. Jim quickened his movement and ran towards Annie. When she came in view, he saw her kneeling on the ground and vomiting into a potted plant. He sprang into action and ran to her side. He pulled her hair out of the way.

Annie startled at his presence, the ringing in her ears from the nausea and vomiting drowned out the world around her so she didn't hear him coming. She shook off the unknown figure, "Get your hands off of me," she shouted with ferocity. Unleashing all her might she pushed him and ran though she knew now where she was going. She ended up at a dead end, towards the edge of the building. Jim ran after her, put up his hands to protect himself and to show that he was not going to harm her. When she turned to look for another exit, he saw through her tears the look of terror as she tried to defend herself. There was nowhere for her to run and the open air wasn't helping, Annie felt closed in and confused. She looked around and there was no escape other than to step on the ledge or return the way she came, back in the direction she was trying to escape. Annie fumbled through her clutch for her gun. She didn't have the wherewithal to know it was Jim, all she could see, hear and smell was Ivan Kravec.

Jim drew faint recognition from his memory. The look and reactions in Annie reminded him of something. He had witnessed what she was going through before. His mind worked quickly accessing what Ryan had shared with him about Annie since her return. They had argued a few times over Annie, Ryan had cut her serious slack ever since her return and Jim just couldn't understand how he could forgive her so readily for the heartache she caused him. Ryan told him she had nightmares and seemed terrified at times. Jim had seen this before, he had a brother who was in the Army Rangers and a close friend from his days in the SEALS, both battled PTSD from their days in combat and rough missions. He had come across both of them during episodes triggered by stress and reminders of their time spent in combat.

Jim's brother couldn't cope with the reminders of combat and eventually took his own life. Not being able to help his little brother was Jim's albatross and he felt responsible for his suicide, for not seeing the signs, for not believing that it was a serious disorder. He thought his brother just needed more time to adjust to being stateside. Jim's brother always tried to live up to him and joined the Army to stand apart from his big brother. He was different than Jim though and his mind couldn't handle the constant stress of serving in a war zone and the pressure of long missions. Since his brother's suicide, Jim volunteered with a group that helped veterans cope with PTSD diagnosis. While Annie's stress wasn't a result of combat, he figured her ordeal with Kravec and her recent kidnapping in Africa damaged her psyche in the same way combat and stressful situations affected soldiers.

Jim saw Annie had trained her gun on him and approached slowly, he knew how to talk a person down from his training, "Whoa, whoa, it's me Jim, I know we haven't been the best of friends since your return, but I'm not here to hurt you. You're at a holiday party in D.C., look at your dress, did Ryan tell you how stunning you look? If not, I will. You're a knock-out as always Annie."

He noticed her breathing deeply and blinking to clear her tears. Both hands were holding the gun, trying to steady it, but unsuccessfully. "Annie, you're safe, no one is going to hurt you. Can you hear the music and the band?"

Annie seemed to be coming out of her flashback as the sound of the music reached her ears. "They're playing, I'll be Home for Christmas."

As Jim got closer to Annie, the shaking in her hands became more prominent as she lowered her gun and slumped down against the wall of the terrace, sobbing. Annie tried to collect herself by pulling her knees to her chest and sticking her forehead on them. She is trying to breathe deeply. Jim reaches into his suit jacket's inner pocket and pulls out a flask filled with his family's award winning bourbon takes a swig before handing it to Annie. "This might help calm you."

Annie looks up, lips trembling, voice quivering, she manages to eek out a soft, "Thanks," before taking the flask. She takes a long sip. "I'm sorry, I thought. . .I don't know what happened."

"No harm done Annie."

He gets up and takes off his jacket. "Looks like you could use this." He motions his hand towards her. She takes it and he helps her get up off the floor of the roof. "It's okay, my shawl is over there."

As she got up and walked towards her shawl and as she does, Jim caught a glimpse of the injuries on Annie's back, Ryan had described them to him one night, explaining why Jim needed to lay off where Annie was concerned. Seeing the damage to her in person was a shock even for Jim. "Let's get you warmed up back inside."

Annie noticed her shawl had a section of vomit on it, this small thing, made her feel like she was going to spiral again. "No, I can't go back inside. Not like this, not back there. I can't." Her heartbeat is racing again and she's unable to feel like her breaths are taking in enough air.

"Um, can you tell Ryan I had to leave? Tell him I had to get home to Sabine," she said as she looked around for an exit.

Meanwhile Ryan had been looking for her all over the building for the last few minutes. Finally someone said they thought she ran up to the roof.

"No, you can't just leave him without telling him yourself," said Jim firmly.

Annie looked around confused, as if to look for a way off the roof. "Are you trying to get out? You have to go back the way you came," said Jim. "Come on, let's go find Ryan and then you can get going."

The thought of going back through the swath of cigar smoke made Annie feel ill again. Not having her shawl to cover up her back compounded the loss of control she felt. She plucked some leaves from a nearby plant and began to frantically wipe off the vomit from her shawl. She plucks more leaves, using them to clean off the vomit. "Hey, it's okay, you can get that dry cleaned, take my jacket, let's go back down and you can tell Ryan. . ."

"Tell me what?" asked a confused and suspicious Ryan as he entered the rooftop terrace cigar in hand. When he saw the state Annie was in he was immediately angry with Jim. "I told you to leave her alone! Stay out of my personal life, I'm not going to say it again."

"I wasn't harassing her."

"Annie, what's going on?"

"Take it easy, I was trying to help her not badger her. You gotta get her home. She needs to get out of here."

Annie has started to back away from the two men, Ryan's arrival brought the scent of the cigars. The smell was the trigger and Annie felt out of control, she wanted to crawl out of her skin, she couldn't breathe again and suddenly the ringing came back and all she could hear was the sound of the blood pumping in her ears drowning out the growing voices of the two men.

Jim noticed Annie standing as if frozen and saw the same look he saw earlier. Ryan approached her and asked, "What is it? Is Sabine okay? You said the sitter called," All the sounds are muffled. She shrank away because he smelled of cigar smoke and was still holding one. The smell puts Annie over edge, "Don't come near me," said Annie in a shaky voice as she took a few steps back. She's back reliving her horrendous time in Kravec's hands. She could feel Kravec's face and breath near hers as he blew out his cigar smoke near her neck and face. It all seemed so real to her.

"Take some deep breaths, you're going to get through this, that's it, take another deep breath," said Jim.

Ryan had been around when Annie had similar moments before. She always brushed it off and went off to be by herself. He didn't have as much awareness on PTSD as Jim had had. He figured Annie had issues from her past and that she would eventually work through them because she always seemed more herself in a few hours.

"Annie, talk to me, what's going on?" asked Ryan a bit impatiently.

/

Annie didn't respond she feels like a caged animal her head darted in all directions looking for an exit. She can still hear that man's voice and his breath on her neck.

Jim says, "Annie what triggered it, what made it start again?" Annie shut her eyes and started for the stairwell, she tried to tamp down the voice, the images, the emotions she felt when she was in _his_ presence.

"What's going on," asked Ryan of both Jim and Annie sharply.

Ryan quickened his steps and grabbed Annie as she walked by him in her effort to make it to the stairwell. He had a tight grip on her. She fought hard to free herself as she began to hyperventilate again. Being grabbed by Ryan and being closer to the smell of his burning cigar was more than she could handle.

"Please stop, you're hurting me." Her struggling caused Ryan to tighten his grip on her upper arm instead of loosening it.

"You need to talk to me now, what the hell happened out here?"

Annie can still smell the cigar smoke and it is making her sick, she's having a visceral reaction to the smell and has to get out.

Annie yanks her arm away from Ryan, "I have to get out of here," she manages to say to Ryan as she fights the urge to throw up.

"What you're just going to leave? Fine, leave, you're good at that."

The memories smell of the smoke triggers is winning over her rational thought. Annie sees Kravec's face in hers, she hears his voice saying the words coming out of Ryan and Jim's mouths.

Annie ran a short distance and tripped in her long gown and heels. She doubled over and fell to her knees to vomit. Ryan went to her, but she quickly crawled away from him, her flight instincts were strong. Jim puts his hand out to Ryan, "Stay back, she pulled out a gun on me earlier."


	81. Chapter 81: No Escaping the Past

**Chapter 81**

As a man accustomed to many stressful situations and who faced harrowing experiences in the field, Ryan was at a loss. He felt a mixture of frustration and helplessness as he watched the woman he loved in such a state of turmoil. Jim put out his arm to prevent him from moving forward. Ryan acquiesced, in part because he didn't know what to do or say, he was completely caught off guard in the context of the festive environment he had left to look for Annie. He needs a minute himself to process what was going on. He watched as Jim intervened and tried a technique he had learned to help those suffering from PTSD and flashbacks.

He took out his phone and played the first song on his playlist, then he cranked up the volume and held it near Annie's ear. "Maniac" played at full volume, the loud sound knocked Kravec out of her head for the moment. She started to regulate her breathing and. "You gotta open your eyes Annie, just look around you and name everything you see, you're not where your mind is trying to take you, remember?"

Annie took a deep breath and swallowed hard, she looked around returned to the present, she was on a rooftop in the dead of winter and not lying underneath Ivan Kravec in a room in tropical Cuba. She saw Jim in his tux as he fumbled to turn off the music blaring on his phone and Ryan a few feet behind him. "You're at the McQuaid Securities holiday party." Annie nodded her head as she looked around. "You're going to be okay," said Jim reassuringly.

"Shit, Walker, are you okay?" asked Ryan approaching Jim and Annie. The closer he got, the more agitated Annie became as she relapsed back to that horrific place where Kravec resided. Jim seeing that Annie was visibly shaken as she started to back up tried to get Annie to make a connection. "Annie what's triggering this?" She can barely make out his voice. She's shaking as the scent of cigars begins hitting her nose again, "Remember what we just did, you're not where you think you are."

Her past would always come back to haunt her. It was right there with her and she couldn't leave it. The trembling and difficulty breathing returned and she couldn't seem to take in enough air. She doubled over again and vomited.

"Oh my God, what's wrong? We need to call an ambulance," shouted Ryan.

Through bated breath, Annie yelled, "It's your cigar, get away!"

"The cigar?" asked Ryan.

He dropped it to the ground and crushed it with his dress shoes. After falling to her knees moments ago, Annie tried to get up, Jim reached out to steady her as she lost her footing. "I need to get out of here," she declared.

"I'll take you home."

She shook her head. "I'll be fine."

"Annie, we can leave right now. I'll call for the car." Ryan grew angry with his friend who had been a jerk towards Annie since her return, but now seemed to be her confidante. Ryan was jealous actually. Jealous that Jim seemed to know how to help Annie.

Jim intervened for Annie again, he knew the trigger and said, "You smell like the cigars."

"You have a venue full of guests, I'm sorry, I can't. . . I don't want to ruin your evening,"

"So you're running away? You're going to shut me out again?" shouted Ryan.

Annie can't believe Ryan just said that to her, she left to spare him and so that she would be the only one to carry the burden of what Kravec did to her. It was such a mistake to return to Ryan, she loved him, but she wasn't sure they had a future. She couldn't go on, she wasn't strong enough, they weren't going to last if tonight was any indication. How long could she continue to hide the truth?

Tears streamed down her face as she backed away from Ryan. Then as his words ring in her ears, anger and resentment begin to boil inside her. She left because she felt the nightmare of her rape would never be over for her. Ryan followed after her, the smell of cigars followed with him, she felt sick again, resulting in more nausea and vomiting. Jim tried to keep Ryan back and the two friends engaged in a bit of a scuffle.

When she was done, she unleashed on him in her anger. "Will you just lay off?" she yelled, stunning both men.

"I'm not running away Ryan. Coming back here has taken all my strength, but I did it for Sabine and for you. You have to understand why. . . why I couldn't stay after. . ."

"I can't understand if you don't talk to me," shouts Ryan trying to close the gap between them.

Annie stepped back, puts her hand up as if to signal him to stop approaching. "Please stay away, I can't. . ."

She looked away, pained, unsure of whether to tell him or not. How much can she reveal without revealing it all. How much does she need to relive so he would stop making her relive it? She looked away and wiped her tears.

With resolve, she looked at Ryan and then Jim and back to Ryan. "The cigar. . . the scars on my back. . . " Suddenly Ryan puts two and two together as does Jim. Both men realize what Annie is talking about. On Ryan's part he's crushed by his own selfish arrogance, he felt a pit develop in his stomach. Jim finally understands why Annie was a complete mess after smelling the cigar smoke and while he would never fully understand why she abandoned his friend, he was beginning to see the damage Kravec left was more than physical.

"You want to talk? Okay let's talk," spat Annie. She turned around, "Look at them!" yelled Annie as she turned her back to him. She was always one who knew how to read a situation when she was a field operative, she had composed herself enough to go into survival mode, she knew how to manipulate the situation to make the men uncomfortable enough to leave her alone. "You want to know what made those scars?"

"His fucking Cubans," said Annie as the tears continued. She puts her hands to her mouth again as if she needed to vomit again when in reality there was nothing left to vomit. She had dry heaves and had lost feeling in her hands as the cold registered with her brain.

"I'm sorry you think I'm running away, you're right you know, if it weren't for Sabine, I would have left by now, because I can't take this. I can't talk about it, I can't talk about _that man_ and what I lost because I don't want to relive it, I left to forget what he took away from me."

"I'm sorry for everything, but Kravec took away more than our son, he took you away from me," said Ryan through watery eyes. He stepped closer and took his jacket off, "It's frigid out, please let me put this on you." She refused, "I can't the smell is suffocating me. All I can see now is _him_, I need to get out of here."

Annie ran for the door and picked up the vomit stained shawl on the way to the stairs. She ran down the stairs. It felt good to run, to breathe the cold fresh air, to exhale and leave behind the stench of the Cubans.

Jim and Ryan were momentarily stunned. "These events aren't my thing, I'll make sure she gets home and check on her, you get back to your guests."

Ryan was reluctant, but Jim was right, he needed to tend to his guests. He felt that perhaps some distance between him and Annie would be good.

"Tell her I'll be home soon," he said to Jim more curtly than he needed to.

/ /

On her way out Annie saw Joan, as much as she wanted to make her way home, she had to talk to Joan. She motioned to Joan and caught her attention. Joan made her way over to Annie. "What's the matter? You look like hell!"

"Well, that sums up how I feel."

"I want in. Knowing that Kravec is still somehow pulling strings from inside an American prison is keeping me up. I can't do nothing while his cronies work to free him."

"Annie, the mission is totally off books, my neck is on the line and more importantly it's not a good idea given your. . ." started Joan as she looked at Annie in her disheveled state, further confirming that Annie was not fit for any type of field work.

"Even better that it's off book Joan, I won't ever feel safe if Kravec goes free and you said yourself that your operative was moving slowly because he lacked bandwidth. Let me help him obtain the evidence needed to keep him from being traded," pleaded Annie.

"What happened to you?"

"What happened is I will be a mess unless I nail that son-of-a-bitch to his cell, let me play a part, it's the only way I think I can get him out of my head," said Annie.

Joan was still unconvinced.

"Joan, _you_ told me what was going on for a reason."

"Yes, out of courtesy, so you wouldn't hear it secondhand from McQuaid or someone else."

"He doesn't know?"

"Not yet. He'd be breathing down my neck and State's if he did."

"How can I contact Ben?"

Joan hesistated.

"Annie. . . are you sure it's a good idea for you to work with him given your history?"

"We'll be able to get more accomplished together."

"Here, take this," said Joan handing Annie her bolero jacket. "Do you still have a locker at the Washington Sports Club?"

Annie nodded knowing that Joan had just agreed to let her in on the mission.

"Locker 529."

"I'll have what you need placed in your locker by tomorrow morning."

Joan gave Annie's arm a squeeze, "Go home and get some rest, you look like you haven't slept."

Annie nodded.

From the bar, Jim caught the entire exchange. He wasn't sure what it was about, but judging from the faces of the two women he knew something was going on and he was going to find out. Despite the sympathy he had felt for Walker's condition, she was still the source of his friend's heartache and he couldn't forget what she did to Ryan. He still didn't trust her. . .

/ /

Annie ran into Auggie in the line for cabs.

"How many ahead of me?" Auggie asked couple in front of him.

Annie answered, "Six more."

"Annie? I couldn't have guessed, what are you doing in the cab line, McQuaid couldn't splurge for a car?"

Auggie's highly trained nose picked up the scent of vomit. "Um, did you have a little too much to drink?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nevermind, how about we Uber it?

"What's that? "

"I'll show you."

"Auggie takes out his phone and ordered a car for them."

Once inside the weight of the evening crashes down on her when Auggie said, "So are you going to tell me what's the matter?"

Annie began to cry.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Come here," said Auggie softly as he moved closer to Annie so he could put his arm around her. He rubbed her arm and tried to comfort her.

Annie laid her head on his chest sobbing. Auggie started to rub her back and felt what was once smooth and soft was no longer. He made out quite a few circular scars and lines, a smaller raised hole and gashes. His fingers were adept at reading the injuries.

"Oh Annie . . ." he whispered.

She doesn't flinch at his touch at first. She knows it's him, she has always felt safe with him.

"These scars. . . Kravec did this to you?"

Annie was so emotionally drained that she gradually stretched out and laid her head on Auggie's lap ignoring his question. But Auggie didn't need an answer. Although he hadn't been with Annie romantically in over a year, he knew it must have been Kravec who tortured Annie.

Without thinking, he leaned down and started to kiss the scars on her back causing Annie's skin to crawl. She, without warning, lurched up, and of course Auggie didn't see her coming. Annie's head slammed into his nose.

"Owww!" yelped Auggie holding his nose. Annie handed him her already stained shawl to catch the blood coming out of his nostrils.

"Oh God I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. . . I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. . ."

"Um, can you stop the car," demanded Annie.

"Walker, it's 32 degrees tonight, let's talk about what happened."

The car had already come to a halt. "No, sir please get him home."

Annie ran towards a busier intersection and hailed a cab. On the way home she regretted giving up the detail about the scars being a result of cigars Kravec smoked. In one evening three people knew more about her than she was comfortable with. There was no walking it back. She didn't so much care about Jim and Auggie as much as she cared about what the information would do to Ryan. She was never going to tell him any details about her hell with Kravec, she thought she could manage it all. But she was slowly falling apart.


	82. Chapter 82: Scotch Needed All Around

Note: Aw, so sad that we aren't bracing for a Season 6. I remember it was around this time last year that Season 5 began and I fell for Ryan along with Annie. . . Thanks for reading and understanding the delays. Please keep reviewing. . . I so appreciate it. Again, none of these characters are mine. All belong to USA and CA writers.

Ryan felt like shit for the rest of the evening as he tried his best to focus on his major clients. His new CFO was doing great at working at the room and renewing contracts and drumming up potential work. Ryan met a few more clients and shook a few more hands. He wanted to go after Annie, their conversation troubled him, he couldn't stop thinking about her and what she went through, but he also couldn't let go of his responsibilities, so he carried on trying his best to focus.

Calder scanned the venue for McQuaid and Annie. He wanted to catch him and Annie all evening, but he was kept busy touching base with his contacts. The latest terrorist attacks in Africa were a top priority for various agencies. Ryan, upon returning from the mission to extract Annie in Mali began to beef up a division devoted to building up McQuaid's presence in Africa. He had previously chosen to focus his business mainly on South America, Eastern Europe and the Middle East. Annie's troubles in Africa and his work with Calder to free her resulted in more contacts in Africa for McQuaid Securities. Calder had put McQuaid in touch with a few of his people in Africa. He felt it was the least he could do after what the man went through and what Annie got sucked into in Mali.

When Calder finally got face time with Ryan, the party had died down considerably and Annie had already left abruptly.

"Where's your girl?"

Ryan rubbed his beard, his heart was heavy and it showed. He worked the crowd, but his mind was on Annie ever since their tense exchange.

"She left early to get back to Sabine."

"How is she?"

"Sabine or Annie?"

"Both," replied Calder with emphasis.

"The baby is a delight, she's grown quite a bit the last couple of weeks and she makes Annie light up. You're welcome to come by and see her."

"And Annie? How's her re-entry been?"

"I won't lie it's been rough."

Calder sighed. "I'm about to compound the situation."

Ryan didn't like the look on Calder's face. He wasn't sure what was about to hit his ears, but he was certain it wasn't good news.

"What's going on? Give it to me straight," sighed Ryan as he motioned one of the cocktail waiters.

"Two scotches, neat," requested Ryan before turning his focus onto Calder.

When the waiter turned around, Calder replied, "Bobby's been AWOL, he missed a scheduled drop, I've tried all our protocols and there's been not a peep for more than 48 hours. Either he's enacted the exit protocol or he's been killed. Any chance you've heard from him?"

"Shit," said Ryan as he clenched his fists and jaw.

"We Skyped with him about 48 hours ago, the connection was choppy, he did say the situation had worsened, but he felt it would pass as it always had. We tried him a few times after we got disconnected, but couldn't get a hold of him."

"I sent an operative in to see if he can locate a body, but from satellite image report I received shortly before arriving here tonight shows that the clinic was on fire a day ago."

Ryan looks down, this isn't good timing at all. The waiter returned and the men took a glass each from the tray.

"If he's still alive and that's a big if, he should have made contact by now. . ."

"What can I do?" asked McQuaid before taking a sip of his drink.

"Nothing, I sent my guy in, I'm due to hear from him in the next 24 hours, but I wanted you and Annie to be prepared."

"For what?" asked McQuaid cautiously.

Calder sighed. He took a sip of his scotch and let it out, "Bobby gave us express directions to inform his wife's family should anything happen to him. He finally returned their calls after Rachel's death and had her remains sent back to her folks."

"He didn't tell us that," said Ryan with a heavier heart than he had at the start of their conversation.

"Well, it's all recent from my last communication with him. He felt that despite the troubled past he had with Rachel's parents and their disapproval, Sabine's maternal grandparents would be best suited to raise her and tell her about her mother if anything happened to him."

Ryan was crushed upon hearing this, but he knew telling the Moores they had a grand-daughter and fulfilling Bobby's wishes was the right thing to do even though it would be a big blow to Annie.

"I can send two men to Mali to look into Bobby's whereabouts."

"It's too dangerous and your guys aren't experienced in that terrain yet. Like I said, I sent someone, I should hear from him within a day, but I have to lay it out, I'm not hopeful."

"It's five days to Christmas, can you keep all this under wraps until after? I don't want to remind you that you owe me _and_ her," said Ryan firmly.

Calder stopped to think. He started to shake his head.

"We're all looking forward to Christmas with Sabine, Anne's decorating the house and knitting a stocking for the baby, and we plan on Santa pictures tomorrow. The Moores will have the rest of Sabine's Christmases, let Annie have the first," demanded Ryan.

Calder muttered a curse in exasperation, but he did have a heart. Ryan was right, he owed Annie after sucking her back into the spy game in Africa.

He relented. Okay, if he's really gone, I'll wait until after Christmas to inform the Moores.

"Thank you," said Ryan as he lifted his glass towards Calder. The men finished their scotch off and shook hands.

Calder ended by saying, "I'll be by on Christmas Eve to visit and drop off a present for Sabine."

/ /

Annie made it back home and checked in on Sabine after relieving the sitter and paying her. The sitter asked if she should stay longer since Annie wasn't expected back until 1 a.m. and had been paid to stay until then. Annie declined and assured the sitter she was okay. As soon as she locked the door, she frantically stripped off the evening gown she was wearing and undid her hair before jumping into the pool. She went for a swim in the frigid waters of McQuaid's pool, it was partially indoors with a section outside and though the retractable windows were closed and the pool was kept heated, the water was cold and cooler still as Annie approached the section completely outside, but she endured it as she swam. The smell of chlorine was familiar and soothing, soon the smell of the pool overcame every last bit of the scent of cigar smoke.

Jim had the keys to Ryan's home and knew the security detail so he let himself in after there was no answer at the front door. He didn't think Annie would hurt herself, but his past experiences told him to err on the side of caution. He looked all around the spacious home and didn't see Annie. Finally he saw her swimming. It made sense, the smell of chlorine must be what she needed to wash away the scent of Cuban cigars. He was used to swimming in frigid waters as a SEAL, but on Annie's small and still frail frame he was concerned for her. When Annie turned underwater and rose to the surface to take a breath, the figure at the other end of the pool surprised her. She immediately covered herself up under water and he could tell she was startled. Jim realized she was naked and turned around, he spoke first and said, "I'm sorry, no one answered and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine, you didn't have to trek here."

"I came check up on you for Ryan. He'll be back as soon and you should get out of there before hypothermia sets in."

"I was about to. . .but, I wasn't expecting anyone, do you mind getting me a towel?"

Jim nodded. He went to the cabana and found a plush white towel and a robe for Annie. He left them at the edge of the pool.

"Thanks," said Annie. Jim walked back into the house. He filled the teakettle and set it on the range and waited for Annie to emerge.

She wrapped herself in the towel to dry off, then she donned the robe and used the towel to wrap her hair. She was so cold and still shaken, but the swim helped. She passed Jim who was on a stool in the kitchen. It unnerved her that he was still there. She went into the bedroom and went to her drawers and looked for her meds. The ones she tried to avoid needing ever since. . . She had denied her need for them and avoided taking any pills, but she needed to take the edge off, so she dispensed Valium and Prozac. Part of her was scared, she had her share of nightmares and terrible memories, but she had never experienced any flashblacks or the loss of control she had faced earlier that evening. The physical reaction she had to the smoke took her completely by surprise and she knew Ryan wouldn't be far behind. She needed courage to face him and his questions and tried to think of a way to explain her behavior.

She went to her closet and dug out her phone, the one she kept hidden from Ryan. She sent a text to Rosemary:

Can we meet? How's Monday? I can come to Maryland.

/ /

"Annie?" called Jim. Through the crack in the door, he saw her hastily put away her phone.

"I made some tea and it's ready. Are you okay?"

Annie emerged from the bedroom with her pills. "You're still here."

"I'm about to go, um, about the way I've treated you since. . ."

Annie put up her hand, "You're his best friend, I understand and don't blame you."

"Walker, you were the best and worst thing that happened to him. I know you have your baggage, we all do, but no matter what be honest with him and don't leave him without a good-bye."

She nodded.

"Thanks for your help. I'm okay now. Good-night."

"Do you have . . . I mean, have you been diagnosed?"

"I'm fine Jim, really, I am," smiled Annie as she spoke in her high pitched voice.

"Annie, you had a flashback, a violent reaction to stimuli that brought you back to a traumatic event, it's not going to be the last time. . . was it the first you've had?"

"You're a worry wart Jim, I just ate something that didn't agree with me. It's out of my system now."

Jim nodded, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere. "Ryan will be home soon."

"Thanks for your help," said Annie.

Jim showed himself out.

Annie went to McQuaid's well stocked bar and picked up one of his bottles of scotch. He had quite a collection. She wasn't picky and took the bottle with her. She poured herself some scotch and sat on the darkened living room floor. She needed something stronger than tea to wash down her pills.

/

Ryan looked at his watch. It was nearing midnight and the guests were starting to leave one by one. When there weren't any prominent clients or higher ups left, Ryan stole away. He headed back to his headquarters so he could take a long shower in his private bathroom. He also had a closet full of clothing at the office. He wanted to wash off the smell of the Cubans and put on fresh clothes before returning home to Annie and Sabine.

Ryan checked his VM when he got out of the shower. He had a message from Auggie and another from Jim.

Auggie: We need to talk about Annie. She was visibly shaken and crying, I want to know what the hell is going on. Call me.

Jim: Annie made it home though she had and intense tete a tete with Joan Campbell and then some kind of argument with Anderson. She bolted from a cab they were sharing before hopping in another one. I let myself in the house to check on her when there was no answer. She was swimming. I left the house, but will wait outside until you get home.

/ /

On the drive home something eats at McQuaid. He puts together disparate details and remembered all of Annie's strange behavior and episodes since returning about a month ago. . . it turned out she was still dealing with Kravec's torture while he thought she was mostly dealing with what happened to her in Africa. Sabine, sweet Sabine is what seems to be keeping her sane and underneath the seemingly normal routine the makeshift family settled into something had been fomenting. He loved that Annie loved Sabine and cared for her so much. What will they do when Sabine is taken away and Annie no longer has her to take care of? He was worried for her, but he had a plan. He needed to find Annie a project to keep her busy.

/ /

After Auggie called and left a message for Ryan, he tried Annie again. No answer so he left a message:

"Walker! I'm sorry about what just happened, I really am, I shouldn't have kissed you like that, I know you're with Ryan, I just wanted to comfort you and it was the only way I knew how. Just call me or text me to let me know you're okay."


	83. Chapter 83

Note: Sorry for the delay. Traveled to family for holidays and not many stolen moments to write. Thank you for waiting and for reading!

Ruby had settled herself next to Annie on the floor. It was comforting for Annie to have the sweet yet fierce watchdog sidled up against her thigh. Annie rubbed Ruby's head with her free hand.

"You don't care how messed up I am do you? As long as I give you treats and belly rubs we're good?" said Annie with a weak smile. She began to feel more relaxed as the Valium, Prozac and alcohol entered her system. Her face began to feel she flush as she took another sip of the aged scotch. She used to handle her alcohol with no problem, but since she didn't drink much during the many months she was away, the hard liquor burned as it went down her throat causing her to grimace.

The memory and confusion over the evening's events lingered despite the drugs and alcohol. There aren't strong enough drugs to wipe away those memories thought Annie. She had never experienced the kind of flashback she had at the party earlier, she lost control and all her senses were out of whack. It was so surreal thinking back on it, she didn't like the feeling as she was always used to controlling her life, her choices, and her emotions. Her stomach began to growl, reminding her that she had vomited everything she ate that day.

Annie rose quickly from the living room floor, she nearly stumbled as she walked towards the kitchen. Ruby who sat dutifully with her in the darkened living room got up and followed Annie as if she knew that her charge shouldn't be alone. Annie went into the kitchen and grabbed some bread from the breadbox and leftover chicken soup from the fridge. She sat down at the counter while the soup heated in the microwave. After putting some food into her stomach, Annie went back outside by the pool where she turned on the fire pit. It was frigid out, but she liked how the coldness numbed her more. Annie saw her evening gown by the pool, she retrieved the dress and undergarments holding them away from her body when she caught the faint smell of cigars on them. She had frantically peeled the dress off before jumping into the pool. She decided they weren't worth saving before she angrily tossed everything into the fire with the hopes that she'd eradicate Kravec from her consciousness. A huge flame erupted from the fire pit, which was not meant for burning anything but the air around it. She watched along with Ruby as the dress, bra and underwear melted onto the stones of the fire pit and hoped that the act would magically bring her a measure of satisfaction and comfort, but it didn't.

She wanted to rid her mind of the image of Ivan's face in hers, the scent of him, the feeling of his breath and hands on her. The horrific memories of her time in his captivity that flooded her earlier that evening were still vivid, the most they had ever been. The images the flooded her mind earlier seemed so real, how in the world could a smell trigger all that? The scariest thing to her was the aftermath, how was she going to face Ryan and his questions. Then there was Auggie. Oh God, how badly that had gone. Everything that happened started with a few brief interactions with Ivan Kravec while she investigated the Chicago bombings. She wished she had never gone to his apartment in Paris. Auggie had been angry at her for stealing the key from Tash and taking matters into her own hands. Back then, she only cared about completing her missions and that mission put into motion the events that led to Kravec's kidnapping of her.

As if able to sense Annie's mood, Ruby nudged the solemn blond with her wet nose. When Annie felt the dog's nose touch her hand it shook her from her ruminations. She rubbed the dog's head and behind her ears and shut off the fire pit before heading back inside. Once inside she grabbed the bottle of scotch before checking in on baby Sabine again. She was sleeping peacefully and watching her put a smile on Annie's face. Annie envied the peaceful slumber. She then she checked all the locks on the doors and windows with Ruby following her. Ryan always told her she was safe there when he caught her going through her nightly ritual, but she continued anyway, some habits were hard to break.

Ryan had been torn between going after Annie and giving her the space he knew she needed. Their heated exchange troubled him, he couldn't stop thinking about her and what she went through and how he failed to treat her with compassion and understanding. He knew he had some deep-seeded resentment towards her for leaving without a trace and it came out earlier. He didn't like himself for it.

When Ryan arrived home, he spoke to Jim who was sitting in his car waiting. He asked Ryan if Annie was planning a return to the agency. Ryan gave a puzzled look. "No way, she's done with the agency." Jim wasn't so sure.

"You haven't seen her have a flashback since her return?"

"Nothing like tonight. She's had some moments and nightmares, but I have never seen her like that."

"Keep an eye on her then, she might be entering a bad patch. I saw it happen with my brother, it's PTSD and she needs help."

Ryan nodded. "Thanks for tonight, I now you're not her biggest fan."

"I'm not, but I have some compassion man, it's Christmas time afterall…"

Ryan smiled and thanked his friend. Jim left, still bothered by Annie. His gut told him she was hiding something. He didn't want to burden Ryan with it, but he was not going to let it go.

When Ryan let himself into his house, he had to disarm the security system. He had showered at his office and left the tuxedo he wore in his car. He searched the house for Annie. He didn't want to panic when she wasn't in bed, it was nearly 0100 by then. He finally found her asleep in his office with Ruby's help. Ruby stirred next to Annie and jumped off the chaise in Ryan's office when she heard Ryan. She wagged her tail furiously and set off to greet him.

"Hey girl" said Ryan as he gave Ruby a pat. He saw Annie asleep with a book taken from his shelf across her chest. He wanted to ask her dozens of questions, but he really just wanted to kiss her and tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was that he couldn't protect her from Kravec. She looked so peaceful in contrast to the woman who left the party. He didn't want to disturb her, so he put a blanket on her and picked up the book that had fallen to the ground. He raised an eyebrow when he saw the title.

As Ryan watched Annie sleeping, he thought more about what would happen if Sabine were to leave him and Annie. She would be devastated, in her current state, he wasn't sure if she could get over it. He had come to love the baby girl, it was a love he never knew he was capable of and thinking about her leaving them was difficult. He and Annie had Sabine in common, she was their buffer, the thing that made their lives normal since Annie's rescue from Mali. Taking care of her together brought sunshine and laughter to their days. Ryan's idea to fill the void once Sabine left was to have Annie take charge of the K9 unit he intended to start. He figured she needed something to do to give her a mission. She had always been mission driven. He whispered, "I'm sorry," not thinking may wake her.

Annie shifted on the couch and although she was groggy, she remembered that she had fallen asleep. She saw Ryan and asked, "What time is it?"

"After one in the morning. I just got home, I'm sorry it took me so long. . ."

Annie yawned sleepily and sat up on the couch.

Without a word, she picked up her glass from the table and offered him her scotch. He gave her a weak smile and took the glass, thankful that this was how they were going to break the ice after what happened. He took a sip and handed it back to her. She downed the remainder of the glass. He hadn't seen her drink much since her return. She poured some more scotch into the glass and handed it back to him. He didn't drink any, but held onto the glass. He didn't want to hand it back to her.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you at the party."

Ryan sat down next to her on the couch.

"No, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, you don't deserve to deal with any of it," said Annie without facing Ryan.

Ryan put his hand on her knee, "I do, I do deserve it. I was insensitive. I didn't connect the cigar smoke to your scars and I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry Annie."

She continued to look ahead, uncomfortable with the conversation and unwilling to dwell on what happened.

"Forget I said anything," said Annie taking the glass from Ryan. He hesitated to let go.

"I want you to talk to me Annie, I want us to work through this. Forgetting it is NOT the answer for you or for me. It will come up again and again and I want to know."

Annie had exorcised the memories triggered by the cigar smokes from her consciousness with the swim and drugs, she was done and didn't want to go back.

"Ryan, I'm over it. I dealt with it, it's done," said Annie before she drank what was in the glass and reached for the bottle.

He did what she's doing, self-medicating, he's doesn't want to get in her face too much. He wanted to tread carefully since she was already shutting down. "It's my turn," he said reaching for the glass. She poured him a shot.

"To defeating our demons," said Ryan as he drank the scotch.

"Sabine will be up soon, I'm going to bed."

Ryan sighs, he knows she is shutting down and that it isn't the answer, but he didn't want to alienate her, he knew her and knew that more he pushed the deeper she would retreat. She was shutting him out again.

"Okay, let's sleep on it," said Ryan.

He took her hand, thinking again about Sabine leaving put a pit in his stomach. He longed for intimacy with her and the family they were to have. He wanted to be close to her again, he wanted her to share what was going on to lean on him, to be the way they were before Kravec took her.

The two of them went to the Master bedroom where Annie brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas. Ryan did the same, all the while thinking about what to say next. A pit formed in his stomach when he saw the scars on her back as she changed, now that he knew what made them, he was angry and he wanted to get his hands on Kravec. Annie crawled into bed and turned towards the outside of the bed while Ryan was still in the bathroom. When he crawled into bed, it was quiet between them.

Finally, Ryan said, "How about you, me, and Sabine go on a little trip for Christmas?"

"Hmm?"

"It's not like we have big plans, it's just us. How about we make our first Christmas together special and go somewhere warm?"

Annie turned around to face Ryan. "We were going to do Santa pics tomorrow remember?"

"Santa's everywhere."

Annie looked at Ryan. His face, his smile was partially hidden behind his beard, but it was what comforted her and what she thought of when she was homesick.

"Okay, how about Manhattan then?"

Ryan looked surprised. "New York? YOU don't want to escape the cold?

"No, New York is great during the holidays. I'd love to go there, watch the ice skaters at Rockerfeller Center, smell the chestnuts roasting, and do a little shopping."

Ryan wanted nothing more than to make Annie happy. "New York it is! Do you think you can pack up tomorrow morning? I'll call for the plane and make all the arrangements."

Little did he know that Ben Mercer was in NY and Annie needed to meet with him.


End file.
